BooksandTrees

You ok? Need to talk at all?

I wrote 3000 words last night. What a relief. I felt like my writers voice returned and I enjoyed it. This was also the first week I didn't need my glasses in months. I've been using my computers and phone way less and I think it's helping headache issues. I've been cooking and cleaning and doing house projects. I feel like I want to write every day but I still get anxiety that it's not relaxing and mostly work. Creative hobbies are exhilarating for me but exhausting. I still love my couch time.

Good week so far. Got some utility updates in my house Tuesday and Wednesday and my heating and cooling is now more efficient. I've been sorting legos and drawing a bit again. I was thinking of finishing an animation I was working on last winter. I haven't written much but I plan to tomorrow.

Ok that's great to know. I found a few apps for other hobbies or calorie counting and in the middle of using them I'd receive a pop up ad for... video games...lol. not helpful at all.

Do you need to pay for Rosetta stone? Or is there a free component?

I did a lot of exercise this weekend and I did it in a fun way. I bought laser tag on Amazon and had family visit. We ran around my yard playing it and I haven't sweat like that since I did boxing. I've also done yoga 3 times this week. I'm feeling really happy about this and plan on keeping it up. Been good for my mood. I've been building with legos recently and that's been very therapeutic. It provides the same feeling of being busy and productive without thinking. Similar to TV or gaming, but without the addictive component.

This might have been my most productive week at work in years. I felt really good and got lots of compliments from my peers. I also enjoyed what I was doing. It just felt nice. I haven't been able to write or read much, but I'll try and do some today and this weekend. I also got a new weight loss app called FatSecret to help track calories. I was kind of annoyed with MyFitnessPal.

Thanks for the recognition. I think therapy and anger management really helped me with this. I was just determined to change as a person and feel lighter, happier, and more determined as a result. I want to be a better person and I think it makes a difference.

Happy birthday!!

I had a much better week this week. I'd say 4 out of 5 days I was operating over 100% efficiency at work lol. Got a lot done and got a lot of praise from my managers and coworkers who are working for me on a few projects. I also had some very productive conversations with my wife about a few things we've been discussing and came to some great solutions. I also did more cleaning this week and more hobbies in general like fixing furniture and re-finishing them with better stain etc. Less TV and screen time in general. I haven't written this week yet, but I organized a writing group with 3 friends tomorrow and we're gonna write for a while. I'm excited for that.

I'll take a look into this. Thank you.

I'll see what the doctor says, but I think it's mostly stress and I think you raise a great point about how the impulse wanes over the duration of a relationship because you crave love more than lust I think over time.

Thanks. I think it's been two different timelines. I think it's a long timeline where so many big changes have happened in the past 4 years, but there are smaller timelines that I'll say go from month to month or even week to week. I think my long timeline is going a lot better and stabilizing, but the month to month ones are still a little hectic at times. Compare it to velocity and acceleration. Overall, the velocity is a comfortable pace, but at the moment, acceleration is all over.

Thank you. It's been really odd. I just have to force the feeling of wanting sex sometimes. It's tough because I'm extremely attracted to my wife and love her tremendously. So it can be frustrating when my drive is low. I think low drive could be why i preferred slow games.

I've been very stressed lately. Work has been pretty exhausting and I'm at a point where I'm afraid to log in sometimes and work on this one specific project that is very hard. I'm stressed because I'm designing 3 things that I've never done before and it's tough making sure you've covered your bases and have all the correct information. So I'm just kind of making sure I have everything I need. The math itself isn't stressful. It's just the process. I also can't seem to make a lot of progress because I have people always asking me questions. I'm going to set up fake meetings I think for an hour or two just to get a good block of time on these. I'm tired in general and haven't been sleeping great. I switched my pillow because I noticed my neck was hurting when I woke up. I've gotten much better sleep ever since the switch. I wrote another chapter of my book and I did some exercise outside on Saturday. It felt nice. I've found my sex drive to be very low. I'm not interested in it that much and I am extremely tired/bored of porn and my usage of it has dwindled considerably. I sometimes wonder if I have lowered testosterone levels or something recently. I have a doctor appointment next week for a physical so I'll ask about it then.

All of the events from family get togethers and new work responsibilities have been a bit exhausting mentally. I work on dealing with my anger and frustration in a constructive way but sometimes I don't have enough time to do it. I finally had to tell people that I need a few minutes alone to decompress and defragment my mind a bit so I'm not holding on to so much data. They handled it well and I'm seeing the results. It's nice. Haven't been productive with hobbies but we've done a lot of house projects so that's nice.

Sorry for the delay. I haven't had much time to write recently. Things are good. Currently going through this process now about cravings just because I'm dealing with new emotions and situations socially and at work. So I'm a little exhausted from all the introspection but I'm feeling better overall and trying to prioritize naps, yoga, and hygiene to calm my mind a bit.

I think I'm learning to deal with anger pretty well. Someone in her family really upset me a few times, honestly everytime I go to their vacation home. I've usually stress eaten and gotten upset but this time I'm not. I just stand my ground and eat normally. No game cravings or porn. I'm just isolating a bit, talking with my wife, deep breathing, and listening to music.

It's been an up and down few days but better overall. We went to my wife's family house for almost a week. It started off bad like the one I mentioned a couple months ago but we had some very fair and impactful conversations that first night and it changed things. We both saw how each other was feeling from their perspective and met in the middle. The rest of the trip went well. I also wrote another chapter of my book and met with my writing coach. I'm on vacation this week so I'd like to get another chapter written, but I won't put too much pressure on myself because I need to rest and recover as well. I've been doing a much better job of eating only when I'm hungry and doing the HALTED acronym for when I stress eat. It's nice because the first letter is hungry and I can rule that out immediately.

It's very overwhelming for the first few weeks because you're trying to logically analyze and diagnose why you're being illogical and emotionally off. So it's very difficult and exhausting. I had to take a lot of naps during this phase of my recovery to be honest.

Correct.

This week was pretty exhausting emotionally. I'm very tired today. I'm not used to being part of a family that is always communicating. My family wasn't close growing up and I stopped talking to most. I grew up in solitude unless I chose to socialize. Right now there's a lot of socializing with my wife's family. They're very nice people and nothing bad is happening. I'm just not used to it so I can be overwhelmed easily. We've had good discussions about allowing me some quiet time and space because I'm not used to it. She's been great communicating with me. I think it's just gonna take me some time to adjust. I've also lost a few pounds so that is uplifting. Work is good and I'm gonna try writing this weekend. I've been drawing a bit too.

I wrote 2 more chapters of my book and feel very motivated and restored overall. I'm happy about that. Hoping to keep it going. Allergies have made me pretty tired of late and house projects are progressing.

It's very exhausting being positive when it's not natural. I think people mistake positivity for just being neutral and not being negative. Like you can just do your job, get it done, and still receive positive results without going into it with a fake wave of enthusiasm. It's more draining than being around a negative person because at least that person is being honest lol.

Hygiene is so important, especially in recovery.