BooksandTrees

I was curious about cbd oil for anxiety but wanted to try exercise, sleep, and meditation first.

Block twitch, block email notifications, log out of it, and click the do not recommended button on YouTube any time a video appears.

Thank you. I have been learning blender and made two videos. My YouTube channel is chariot cartoons. They're beginner videos for sure, but I'm learning. I'm a structural engineer as well and enjoy it. I'm glad I can inspire you. I hope my story can bring connection. My journal is long, but it's got a lot in it. I've been just about everywhere and seen a lot that gamers endure on their sobriety. It's a tough, bit manageable path if done the right way. Glad you're here.

Thank you. If I can get to the point where I masturbate but no longer watch porn I'll be happy. You have the right approach. Focus on yourself then fix others.

Plan 2 activities. One creative and engaging and one relaxing. Keep yourself occupied. Remember how your job kept your mind off of your mom? Same strategy with games. Call a family member or friend if needed.

Today I'm 86 weeks free from gaming. I'm also 1 week free from porn. This weekend I'm far less stressed than last weekend since the move is done. The only thing crushing me now is the weather. It's so hot and I won't have my air conditioner for a while longer. I should have just gone to home depot or something, but i just don't want to go to more stores right now. We're not in safe times. I know people aren't social distancing, seeing their friends, socializing, and quite frankly being stupid. I don't trust them. You can go ahead and say it's only a minor virus, but it's killing almost 10% of people and the flu kills 0.1%. Such ignorance out there it sickens me. This goes to show you how impatient we all are. Look how much we seek instant gratification. Video games, social media, porn, drugs, alcohol. They're immediate escapes from the pains of life or just plain old boredom. If people don't get what they want they whine and complain and it's annoying to see. This virus is showing why, especially in America, people are very ignorant. Sure, we're testing more people than other nations, but just look at pictures posted online of people at huge parties, gatherings, events and not being smart. This goes to show you that nobody can handle isolation and self control. So if you're struggling with relapse and self control, just know you're not alone. I know a lot of people on this website wish they "were normal" and didn't have an impulsive addiction with cravings etc. But I encourage you to learn from people in society. The majority of people are struggling with not socializing and other issues. You have a chance to be different and overcome these issues. This makes you special. It makes you powerful. It makes you better than others. I encourage you to stay on your mission of game free living and less addictions. More self control is more power to you to live the life you were meant to live, and the life you're meant to live is one that is constantly changing and evolving. Just make sure you make today effective and good for you and the ones you love. I do feel rather lazy today. I'm exhausted after the past few weeks. I don't really want to start anything new or do anything interesting. I watched the rest of a tv show I was watching and it was ok. I've just been lounging a bit. I feel guilty and am getting some anxiety for not being productive, but I just want to relax. I am giving myself permission to relax today and not feel pressure. I think I'll start 3d modeling a little again and take my time and enjoy. I might watch a movie or two, make some food later, and just relax. I did masturbate last night and have had some urges to just do that today, but they're not as strong as any porn craving I've ever had and don't really notice them unless I'm bored. Let's see what today brings. Thanks for the support this week. I hope you're all doing well. Stay strong this week. I have a feeling it's going to be tough for some people.

Good. You also just proved that emotional stress makes you turn to gaming. You probably already knew that, but you're becoming more aware. Now you have to experiment with activities and actions to reduce that stress from arguments. Do you listen to music on the way to work, focus on work, clear your mind, then open conversation with your mom to logically resolve the issue? Who knows. That's what I'd try.

I'd like to add to this. We fall in love with our parents before anyone else in life and grow attached. I highly suggest not specifically looking for someone like your mom. There are so many men and women who have trouble in relationships because of mommy and daddy issues. Some people were abused as children and are attracted to people with abusive tendencies. It's dangerous. I think it's more important to understand yourself, experiment with who compliments you by dating multiple people, and then building something off of that. It takes time and our addictions are all instant gratification based. I'd stress patience and understanding if I were you. I don't think someone like your mother would be good for you based on what you've written. I see someone who shares a percentage of your faith, a scifi fan who at least occasionally watches anime and likes art, likes exercise and health, and has her own separate interests so she can be independent and give you space because you've noted multiple times how you need to be alone sometimes. I won't tell you what to do, that's just my suggestion. You have plenty of time and things will get better next year after the virus.

No problem. I don't mean to sound gloomy either. As you guys can see from how popular my diary is I've interacted with almost every member on this site in 2 years and just see what happens. I've talked to people every day for months just to see them drop and leave. I'm not making fun of them, but I am just showing how powerful this addiction is and if people do not find proper stress coping techniques then they'll relapse. I hope you continue your journey as well. I don't even suggest quitting multiple things at once until several months of success with one field. I'm starting to quit porn after almost 2 years game free. It's just hard.

Do you see a therapist at all? They've been helpful to me in dealing with anxiety.

Sorry your relationship with your dad is like that. Men either hate their dads or love them I feel. It's so black and white after a while. Maybe try to be in contact less. I talk to mine about once every 2 weeks and it's ok. Once a week is too much. Maybe you just gotta talk to him for a bit and see.

I want friends, successful creative hobbies, romance, love, community, and to experience life.

I'd say no. You're already thinking about moderation after less than a month which means you'd think about playing full time again once you moderately game. I've been on this website for two years and every single person I've seen try to moderately game ends up relapsing and most of the time they never return to this website. I've seen a few hundred people do this. Sometimes they come back, but relapse again and never return. I'm not trying to throw shade at them either. This is a serious addiction and you really need about 6 months to a year without gaming to consider moderation. You need months of sustained activity, stress management methods, and adjustment to a new way of life before it can be considered. I've also seen people celebrate a year without gaming on here start gaming in moderation and then have a full blown relapse and never return. It's important to stick this out and return to the reasons why you quit in the first place to remind yourself why it's bad for you in particular. Good luck. I don't want to scare you with my post but I'm just showing what actually happens. I've never seen anyone on this website successfully play in moderation and then lead the life they want and I read everyone's journal.

Good luck with the move and don't force interest in others. Sometimes people just aren't interesting. It will be easier once you find things in common or find something out about a person that surprises or impresses you.

Today was good. I finished the week strong. I'm connecting with a woman I met on a different kind of dating platform, but it's not really for dating. We just wanted to talk in general and it's going well. Even if we don't date I'm starting to smile more. I stood through my cravings today. I did masturbate, but I took my time and did not watch porn. I made sure it was more sensual and respectful of myself. I ordered an air conditioner since it's hot out. Today I'm grateful for my friends, family, apartment, the community, my job, and myself for not watching porn and for relaxing today instead of forcing productive activities after a long week.

I don't think I want to do that lol. It is what currently gives me anxiety.

Having her ask me questions about me, taking interest in me, wanting to share things abouther life and not just solve her problems, want to have me spend time with her not for sex like going on a trail or doing art or cooking etc. Having her tell me that I'm important. Wanting to hug and hold my hands and have physical engagement before sex, doing thoughtful things for me without me asking, communicating with me when I want as well as when she wants and not just when she wants because I'll suspect I'm being used for her benefit. Talking about herself is important. I get pissed off talking to people who don't share their lives as well. They ask me how I'm doing and then don't respond or talk about themselves and change subject. Just seems like they're on a mission for something.

Thanks man. Yeah, I'm just doing the meditation to fall asleep. My mind drifts between thoughts and I get anxiety about death and then watch porn to take my mind of it. This puts me right to sleep. I'm trying. I'm afraid to even get back to masturbation or anything and just want to make sure I'm handling stress properly first.

Definitely feeling porn cravings today. I feel stressed, but also bored with a certain task. It's like I'm anticipating watching tonight or something. I gotta stay strong, but also not think about it. Something a lot of people mess up is not letting go of the craving. Eventually the urge dies away.

I live by that. I don't agree with going to church or reading the bible because I don't feel like being told how to believe or read any of the philosophy involved. I just keep it simple and try to be a good person and hope I live a good life. I think it's all in what you're comfortable doing. I don't shun others for worshipping or being religious. That's their choice. As long as they're comfortable. I think you just gotta do what makes you feel best and incorporate philosophies from multiple perspectives in your life and create a life you enjoy living.

Great job. Do you find that porn and masturbation coincide together for you or have you ditched porn and just deal with the masturbation issue? Is masturbation just as frustrating as porn? Worse?

Happy birthday! I hope you have a great year. Good job not indulging in the sugar. I find that if I resist that first temptation to indulge in sugar I don't have any proceeding urges. They just stop after the first urge. After that I can delegate the sweets in my home and eat like 1 treat per week or something rather than coming home with all of them and going bananas with them. I do that because eating too much junk makes me sick and I hate feeling like sick. I also want to be attractive and maintain my shape. I've lost 25 lbs this year and don't want to go back on that hard work.

That's insane. I'm glad you're ok. My friend did that on craigslist as well and met lots of scary people. I think meditation has helped me in the past few days although I fall asleep during it each time. lol

This week has gotten better. I have almost stopped shaking and becoming dizzy. It happens when I'm stressed. I've been meditating each night before bed using the insight timer app. It's great so far. I got stressed today a few times and really wanted to watch porn, but I didn't. I want to reach a point where I don't need porn for stress. I instead took a break from the computer, took a nap, walked, etc. I had a more productive day as a result. I think I'm slowly getting better, but who knows. I also still want to masturbate without watching porn and I just think that will lead me back to porn right now. I don't really know what to think. I've also been falling asleep earlier each night and waking up earlier. Thanks everyone for their responses to my above statement. I've got to remember that statement for when I feel like relapsing. sometimes I get so fascinated with porn and intimacy that I am just drawn to it. I do wish I had some love right now, but porn isn't love. I can quit this. I'm not a porn watcher. I'll stick to that. I mentioned weeks ago how going to bed earlier, waking up earlier, eating consistently, and having planned activities and relaxation time helped cut porn cravings. I haven't done this in months. So let's get back into it. Today I'm grateful for work, my apartment, my coworkers, my friends, and my family as well as the community here.

Thanks for sharing and I'm sorry it happened to you as well. It's so terrible being a victim. I became filled with hatred and anger out of fear of becoming a victim and desire to protect myself. It's easier to hurt others than to be hurt by another in my opinion. It's made me avoid dating and relationships for over 10 years now. I've been single and haven't had a sexual relationship since fall of 2010 because of it. It stinks because I'm good looking, very sociable, great job, hobbies, etc. I get lots of attention and I avoid it. That actually leads some women to becoming desperate and trying to throw themselves at me in a sexual way to pull sort of a hail mary to date me once I don't respond to traditional flirting. This actually proves terrible because I get afraid of them trying to use me for sexual favors only. I lose trust in them and just think they're gonna use me and manipulate me again. So I close them out of my life extremely fast.