BooksandTrees

Yes. She knows you have feelings for her and uses you for emotional support when she gets treated badly by other men. She's taking advantage of you and doesn't listen to your advice anyways. She only talks to you when she's lonely and doesn't treat you well because you don't know each other in real life so there's no responsibility on her end. She doesn't have to try. She can just complain to you and then walk away without caring.

That's true. I just only have the ability to meet people in real life because I can be authentic. I highlighted why I didn't like the online dating so that case is solved. I'll just stay patient.

I'm tired of anxiety. I have a 9 AM meeting and I woke up at 4 because there's a house cleaning crew that is power washing the house at an unknown time. I have to find a place to park and I know they'll come during my meeting. It's too bright in my room and I can't go back to sleep. I'm now just sitting here like an asshole. Now I'm stressing out about everything. I'm angry that I feel like I'm settling if I don't date a beautiful woman, but most of the beautiful women I've dated are complete assholes who care more about themselves than me and are bad at conversations and generally less intelligent than the ones I'm not attracted to. I'm not trying to sound like a misogynist, but it's been true for the 10 years I've been dating. I'm very good looking and have had no issue meeting women. The ones I get along with most are overweight, not focused on drama, social media, or attention, and have hobbies. They also play less mind games. It's so frustrating that I'm not as attracted to that body style and I'm also worried because I think I'm settling if I don't find a hot woman. I don't understand why I think that way. Do I care more about what other people think than what in personally think? Am I insecure? Or, plot twist, am I having anxiety about my meeting and lack of sleep and trying to hide my thoughts into porn and I've given up porn so now I feel lost? I just think it's too peculiar that I'm thinking about sex and women when I'm stressed out. That's the porn talking. I'm too smart for my addiction to get me again. I'm not hiding in porn anymore. I just gotta handle this.

Write about the triggers and reasons you kept downloading it. You mentioned you only wanted to play with friends. This is the time for you to call real life friends and family. Don't talk to your gamer friends again. It's not worth the stress.

I love it.

Non-essential dental implant. I'm missing a tooth and if I don't put a tooth in then the bone will decay and I'll have a weak bone.

I'm feeling a little better today. I got almost all of my work done. My mailbox key doesn't work because the mailbox is jammed. I still have to get my air conditioners and I still need to finish putting boxes in my basement etc. Everything is just a hassle. I'm just stressed out with work, apartment crap, and other crap. I gotta start studying soon, I wanna do hobbies, I'm tired. etc. I requested a week off from work in July. Today is the first day in weeks I haven't worked overtime and I feel lost. I have energy, but I'm also tired. like I could do hobbies but I'm drained. Idk. I'm upset because most of my hobbies are challenging and I don't want to do anything challenging right now. I don't feel like 3d modeling or writing because i did these all day. Today I'm grateful for my family, my job, and myself for not having to work overtime and doing a decent job.

Right, but read what you just wrote. That tells me you'd be looking for women only and trying to talk to them. I suggested you build a community and new network. It's more important to become friends with men than it is with women right now because I think you are only looking for potential girlfriends and I think you need true friendship right now based on the fact you have only your mom and this random girl you only talk to over the internet that I'm guessing you have hidden feelings for and that's why you're annoyed she dates idiot guys. I think you just need normal friendship right now and this can come from anywhere. You can tell a woman apart from her style of writing and username as well. I'm not trying to be rude towards women by saying you need Male friends right now either. Women make great friends, but I think in your situation you'd be more interested in dating them than being friends. This is bad because if you do date a woman and have a small social network then she's going to take over your whole life. Look at how upset you get with this friend of yours and your mom if something goes wrong. Build a network of friends for yourself over the next few years. I just think you're trapping yourself. If you date a manipulative woman she's going to see what I'm saying and try to take advantage of you. Same goes with manipulative friends who will use you to benefit themselves and guilt you into doing things for them. You should take the same approach @Ikar did. He had nothing after he and his girlfriend broke up. He spent the past 1.5 years finding friends, finding hobbies, moving out of his house, becoming accountable, and moving on. Does he have a girlfriend right now? No. Does he have friends he works out with, plays music with, goes to school with, works with, and does hobbies with? Yes. He's a model of success all gamer addicts should strive to replicate. I did the same thing 8 years ago.

These are really soothing to admire. Good job.

I had oral surgery performed. It's hurting a lot today. I'm trying to work through it but idk. I don't know how long it will last. This blows. I hope I get better soon. I've been pretty stressed since this is my difficult work week and I also have to recover from surgery. I'm having some porn cravings. I'm just going to take a nap. Today I'm grateful for potentially having a successful surgery, finding hand sanitizer for the first time in 4 months, medicine, my job, friends, family, and myself for staying strong so far.

I wouldn't go to the gym until a vaccine comes out lol. Although new York and Massachusetts are lowering their cases, the rest of the country is sky rocketing. It's not worth it in my opinion. Take it easy with the dating thing. Take my advice and maybe join a subreddit or discord for people looking to paint or color with your markers or something. They can give you direct advice as well. I did that with blender and met that girl there after joining it for 3 months.

Responsibility is so important in our personal development. It brings about importance, pride, and reason in our lives. I do best on my own or building something with another. Remember your post so you remember the fun parts of life without gaming.

The band must be fun during the quarantine. I need to get a haircut but I'm considering growing it for a year since I'm already halfway there.

Dude, what are you talking about? I'm sorry to sound aggressive here, but this is bull shit. You can find people off of dating apps. I'm talking to a girl I met in an art community I joined online because I wanted to talk to artists local to me. Get creative and inject yourself into different societies. The virus will be over in December of 2021 and you're in your early 30s or late 20s. You still have like 60 to 70 years after that. Join an art community or weightlifting club. Don't do it with the intent of dating or you'll look desperate. Just do these things because you like the activity and want to be happy. Maybe a hiking group since you like hiking. Dating isn't black or white and I strongly disagree with dating apps. They're a toxic place for all genders involved. Just do stuff you enjoy and you might meet someone while leading a better life because you're doing fun things.

So tonight went really well! We texted a bit and it went great, then we talked on the phone for almost 3 hours! It was awesome. I really enjoyed speaking with her. The conversation flowed smoothly and we had a lot to talk about. We'll see what happens. I spent today relaxing. I watched my show, talked to a lot of different fathers in my family, and then wrote more in my book outline. I tried doing 3d modeling, but I felt overwhelmed because I wasn't in the mood to 3d model. This made me start to panic because if I wasn't in the mood then I must not want to do it and I started to have a panic attack because of it. I called my friend and calmed down after that. I'm allowed to 3d model some days and not all days. I might just be tired from my stressful month of working, moving, and other stuff. I'll try it again tomorrow. Sometimes it's just tough to do a creative hobby you're bad at when you want to just do something without thinking. That's why video games are so addictive. I stood strong and just relaxed. It's going to be ok. Today I'm grateful for my friends, family, community here, the phone call, and myself for recovering from my panic attack and having a great evening afterwards.

Thanks for the insight @Erik2.0 @Ikar and @chiliflavor. I think I'll take this and roll with it. I know that she's busy right now at a double birthday party/family gathering/father's day event, so slow responses mean nothing right now. She seems like a longer texter so we can take turns texting longer things and being flirty from time to time. I am going to try and develop a situation where we are having phone conversations and potentially setting up in person trail walks maybe or something like that. We are starting off as friends because we didn't actually meet on a dating website. We met in a community for mutual interests and it turns out we live 30 minutes from each other. We didn't see what each other looked like and spoke for a month. It's just gotten a lot more personal and meaningful recently and I want to see what happens. My diary is insane. It would take forever to read, but it most certainly highlights my struggles with stress and life and I personally don't know how I avoided video games during the tumultuous year of 2019. I think we all get put through the gauntlet during our recoveries.

I'm feeling anxious today. I've been writing longer letters to a girl and I enjoy that format. I got her number, but I always mess up texting. I'm an expert at longer format or phone or talking in person. I've ruined everything in texts because I never know what's too much or too little. I'm just hoping to move it to phone as fast as possible. It's odd because I'm great at texting friends and family, but not women. I just struggle. It's just hard for me to convey my personality and also keep up conversation. I'd rather just have one letter or conversation. I don't like how texting is so open ended and lasts all day. Like there's no closure to the conversation. You don't know where you stand. It's terrible for someone with anxiety to be honest. I'd rather have a call and get it over with. Plus it's more personal and you can read the person's reactions more. I've stopped talking to women who don't write a lot in texts because I thought they didn't want to talk to me and they got upset because they liked me. God it's so difficult to text for me. I think it's so lazy and broad and worthless sometimes. This sucks. Plus you just sit there waiting. They could respond fast or slow and I just sit there thinking I wrote something wrong. It's terrible. Just terrible. I hate it. Plus there's so many games like waiting or something. I just get so anxious and depressed. I just want to watch porn and sleep for days and escape this. I really like this girl though and I want to enjoy today because I don't have to work. I've got to do what I did with video games. Let's break this down. Watching porn would make me more anxious and upset because I haven't watched it in a week. Sleeping would piss me off because I have goals to enjoy today and be happy. So how do I resolve this? I have to trust that if I spoke to this woman for 1 month she'll be better and more eager to text than a normal person. So I need to take my time. If I get this anxiety I'll do deep breathing and some exercise. I am ok.

No problem. I've seen a few people try it and then relapse into gaming over the past 2 years. Can confirm.

Oh ok. I was under the impression you were becoming a reviewer.

Make sure to sleep, eat, drink water, and find calmness during this time. Medicine too and avoid bright lights.

Great post. Keep it up. Plan new activities.

Yes. Don't do it.

Today was interesting. I couldn't focus on 3d modeling and just wanted to relax as I mentioned, but during the movie I watched I came up with an idea for a book. I talked to my friend for a couple hours about it and then spent the rest of the night writing an outline for it. I don't plan on strictly working on this, but I wanted to alternate between writing and animating so I could switch things up. This week I plan on 3d modeling a pidgey from pokemon. I won't complete it this week. I just intend to work on it. I also intend on writing a little of my book. I think it might be fun. I want to go to bed and get ready, but I'm kind of eager to work on this project. I don't want to start writing right away because I want to research a bit for the book. So I think this week will just be about research for the time period including job titles, slang, names, components, etc. Then I can start writing. It's a really simple book and I hope it goes well. My other book ideas have been super complicated and I just avoid them. This one is very one dimensional. I don't expect it to sell at all. I just want to write it. I think that will work. I'll aim for it to be about 300 pages long and I'll do this part time with 3d modeling. I'm doing this because I won't be creating any 3d modeling tv shows until next year anyways. This year is all about making random things and learning. Today I'm grateful for relaxing, myself for relaxing, my friends, family, and the community.

Welcome! I struggled with RuneScape and Overwatch real badly and also had severe burnout after getting my graduate degree while working full time and dealing with relationship issues so I know how you feel! Feel free to read parts of my diary or introduction if you ever feel like it. I also have a page in the celebration tab called Almost 500 Days Without Gaming where I wrote out how I was able to quit if you wanted. But no pressure. Just use the forums the way that's best for you. Journal your thoughts, ask for help, read other examples, and be patient and kind to yourself. You're going to be on quite the journey. Good luck.

This is a great start. Could I give a few suggestions for your next video? I think I would start the video off explaining what you're reviewing. Like I'd explain what the necklace is since I don't know what the purpose or meaning of it is. Then add the price immediately so I know what it's work instead of going to the link, and then add the rest of what you spoke about. You could also take a picture of it in a custom thumbnail with words once you verify your YouTube account. I'm gonna start making custom thumbnails on my channel soon. I hope you enjoy your new hobby and I hope I didn't sound rude offering advice.