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Everything posted by JustTom

  1. Day 5 | Focus: 35% | Pomodoros: 18 + CGAA OH THANK GOD. I finally found the source of a mysterious bug that has been holding my thesis project prisoner. I won't even say how long it took me, I'll just say that it's not worth measuring in hours. I can't even count that high. Why did the counter jump from 6 to 5? Because on day 0, I got rid of overwatch and committed to the detox again, BUT I kept a short single-player game that I wanted to finish for easy closure, so I did that in the first two days, ~4 hours each. Now that I'm feeling very confident about this detox run, I want it to be clean. It still doesn't include videos, but I have to take it one step at a time. I'm still baffled and proud at the same time of not gaming during a weekend for the first time in 2019! Let's gooooo..! @karabas Yep that's exactly why. There are sometimes in-person meetings for US east and west coast, but not much in my city. As a citizen of the EU, I feel like a 2nd-class citizen of the world, which is pretty solid, but I still get jealous of all the opportunities in the US. The more I learn, especially about finance, the more privilege that I don't have I see. Anyways, more awareness about gaming addiction is desperately needed.
  2. Yeah this is BS. If that were true, addicts would never follow their passions after recovery. Just putting it out there: sometimes, due to their own low self-esteem, parents subconsciously don't want their children to succeed and/or leave home.
  3. Eyyy! I love seeing someone else here who also does game. I only read the last entry, but I can relate to being good in the past and then losing all social skills due to gaming and bad mental health, then trying to get back into it. Good luck!
  4. I agree with this. You've completed 90 days and beyond and I think you've earned the right to attempt to rehabilitate yourself and to be able to play in moderation. But I would advise to be careful and to be extremely mindful of how you feel in your body as well as in your mind while you do it. You want to not feel negative emotions towards this old hobby, which will be difficult because it's not just a 'hobby'. You had an obsessive/compulsive behavior towards it and it needs to be treated differently. As part of quitting, many addicts create negative affiliations to it, because it's easier to give up something you hate than to give up something you love. If you want to go back to loving, you have to be very strategic to not slip back to the old destructive behaviors. But I believe it's possible. ... IMHO 😄
  5. You played paintball with an injured foot? Woah. I only played it two times but absolutely loved it. Even despite getting sweaty, which is something I despise haha. I also miss role playing games. It's such an amazing hobby, but hard to find the right people, the right place and the right time simultaneously.
  6. Day 6 | Pomodoros: 0 + Gym + Social Went to the gym after an eternity! Felt really good, but because I didn't eat breakfast, the last 15 minutes got pretty weak. Then I got home and my energy CRASHED. I felt sick in the stomach so I couldn't even eat in the afternoon, then after I did I just fell asleep, woke up at 18 to have the first call with my sponsor, which was fantastic. Then I went to a small house-warming party to hang out with classmates a bit after a good while too. I will definitely complete the detox this time. **************************************************************************** @[email protected]s CGAA is computer gaming addicts anonymous. It mirrors the traditional alcoholics anonymous society. The meetings are helpful. People join a voice chat room and share whatever they want to share with regards to the addiction. There is always a topic for inspiration and you don't have to speak if you don't want to. It's interesting that it is not meant to be a place for advice, but a place for empathy and support. You can really feel that. But the biggest value for me is sponsorship. There are many things in AA I don't really understand or disagree with right now, but I'm staying open-minded because there's more to it. It has a very different feel to it than modern personal development, which I consider GameQuitters to be a part of. I do recommend it especially for hardcase addicts like me haha.
  7. Being intentional about time usage is really the core idea of GQ, good luck!
  8. Hm. You could also flip this around and say "until you make your conscious unconscious, you will forever struggle with that action". In terms of creating habits for example - first you need to focus on it, but if you do it with intent consistently for a long period of time, it becomes automatic.
  9. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ Ok now for real. This has been the single most influential sentence in my life. It's one of those things that work as a switch. It changed my entire view of being successful from reaching a goal to progressively strive for a goal. As long as you're following the best strategy you know of and you're doing the best you can, you're being successful. That means, if I'm on the detox, if I'm being productive and working hard towards my vision, I'm successful, no matter how far I am from actually achieving it. To me, success is a process, not an event or a state.
  10. Day 5 | Pomodoros: 16 I pushed for 25 hours awake to revert my self-caused jetlag. God bless modafinil. And no, I don't think this is healthy haha. Did 16 hours of work, so I split up the journal entry to two days. I'm ready for some serious sleep now, but more importantly, I feel very happy that I pushed myself and I feel very confident that I will actually be productive this weekend.
  11. When I "Follow" a thread, I'd like an option to get a notification in the forum, but not receive an e-mail. That's all, really 😄 In fact I would use this as the default.
  12. Hello hello my dude! How are you doing? 🙂 Hope everything is OK, but even if not, just take it easy and maybe check up on the forum. I find that it helps me whether I'm doing good or bad with gaming.
  13. Well..? Where's the updates! 😄
  14. Answer to the question is the second paragraph. I went on a little bit of a rant here, sorry 😄 I've been obsessively gaming ever since I remember. During highschool, I started to sense that maybe this is a problem, but didn't consciously come to the conclusion that I'm addicted. Then, during the bachelor studies, I've realized that I'm not only gaming too much, but that I'm unable to reduce it if I try. Regardless of that, I never really attempted to stop gaming. I was okay being completely mediocre and passing my classes by the skin of my teeth, often asking for help with assignments from some of my hard-working friends/classmates. I was pretty much just doing uni work and gaming. I didn't meet any new people and since my degree was computer science, I didn't meet any girls. Here and there I would go get drunk with friends or even work out, in more productive phases, but they didn't last too long. Then, in the last year of my bachelors, I took a step back and really thought hard about what I want to do in life, found my passion in life(which I have since lost LOL but that's another topic) and shortly after, I randomly got into a short relationship with a girl. These two things combined(a goal to strive for and a girl) made me not need to game at all. In fact when we started dating, I completely stopped playing or even watching all video games. I didn't force myself, I just stopped because I didn't feel like playing. I felt like the real life was so much better and even when I tried to login to league and play a game, I was immediatelly put off and felt like going out meeting people or working towards my goals. Those were the best times. She broke up with me 2 months after(different reasons), but it didn't get my down too much and for the first time in my life, I started actively meeting girls. I gamed a little bit at that time, but not too much. Then I got admitted to a very good university in a foreign country, to a programme which was my passion at that time. So I finished my bachelors and moved there 2 months early, to build social life, work hard and crush it in general. I was going to live by myself for the first time and be an adult. And what happened? The new environment in which I had an entire apartment to myself combined with not having ANY responsibility(it was summer break) combined with not having people in the city to take me out, I started gaming again. Hardcore. And I mean 16 hours per day kind of gaming. I just couldn't stop myself. I had all these plans of going to events, meetings, getting to know people, studying beforehand to get a headstart on a very difficult programme - all that went to shit. I gamed nonstop, I only went out to get groceries, I didn't even explore the beautiful city for like a month. In that month, I realized that I have a huge problem and it needs to stop. I had multiple games that I played, but the main one was league, I had years of life on that game and right before the programme was about to start, I finally made the decision to delete my main account. That was so huge. It was my main link to the gaming world, it was essentially my life. And so my journey of recovery began. The rest of the story is for another topic, but I will say that after this decision, I had the most hard-working 2 months of my life and passed the most difficult course of the entire 2 years of that programme with a very decent grade.
  15. Hi Catherine, you haven't posted for a few days, I hope everything is OK! And even if not, just take it easy and check up on the forum for a bit, I find that it helps me whether I'm doing good or bad.
  16. Day 4 | Pomodoros: 16 For 3 days, I've quite literally spent sleeping and laying on the couch watching youtube and re-runs of rick and morty. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I don't feel particularly bad in my body, it's more like I have absolutely 0 will to do anything. Like even standing up, walking 3 steps to drink some water seems like an insurmountable task. Any movement or effort at all, no matter how miniscule, feels like... just not worth it. Like, I know drinking water or standing up or tidying up would make me feel better, but I just don't do it. It's like both my discipline and willpower have dropped to the absolute zero and I'd rather die than move. But I FINALLY managed to revert my sleep schedule. On day 4, I repeated the same pattern of being in a vegetative state, but because I 'woke up' at 10pm, it is possible for me to stay up during the night as well as day 5 and go to bed in the evening, like a normal person. Somehow I managed to gather up enough willpower to take a shower, put on clothes and leave my dadrk room. I'm in the office at night now and I'm already feeling much better. I'm taking a few hours to hang out in the forums, read a bit, then attend the CGAA meeting and then get to work. Cravings are there, but not too bad. I'm quite confident I won't game this weekend. I don't even have anything to play, since I gave away all my multi-player accounts and there are no more single-player games I'm interested in right now. I will also talk with my potential sponsor soon, so I'm really looking forward to that. Attended another online CGAA meeting at night and I'm feeling very hopeful that I can keep the detox going this time. I will be attending the meetings every day that I can make the time. I think it's helpful to talk and share real-time. ****************************************************************** Thanks for the support friend, I really appreciate it! If I take the no-bullshit approach here, the best course of action would be to change my environment radically. Either go to a meditation retreat for a couple of weeks, or move out and live with a roomie. The problem is that the former requires me to quit my master thesis(which I could go back into later but it would be a lot of lost time) and the latter - well, I don't know how to pull off. I have a binding contract until december at my current apartment and I don't even know anybody who would like to share a room. Unless I'd go back to my home country and live with a buddy of mine, but that means quitting/pausing the degree as well. Soooooooooooooooooooooooo the third best plan is to... just get as much help from other people as possible and try harder with the same basic strategy. So I'm looking for accountability buddies/sponsors/coaches and getting on the detox again, hoping that my depression states become less frequent or go away altogether after a while. It's really demotivating seeing that I've gotten WORSE since I started trying to quit about a year ago, but hey. What can you do. Life is hard. 😄
  17. Day 3 Day 3 was pretty much a repeat of day 2, except that I attended an online CGAA meeting. It was nice. Might have connected with a sponsor too.
  18. Yeah I'm... completely unable to function. It's been like this on and off for a few months. I really need help.
  19. Day 2 I practically slept through the entire day. Because I don't game anymore, I just avoid reality with sleeping, as is the tradition. Didn't go to my internship and generally felt like a piece of shit. I thought I would go to the office at least for the evening/night, but then I procrastinated and eventually felt asleep. Day 3 already started the same way, waking up at ~2pm.
  20. Oh man, I really wished you succeeded and just moved on! Let's change together then, for good. We have the same detox start day, let's see who finishes 90 days first 😄 EDIT: Oh I just read your entries and realized you're not talking about gaming.
  21. Day 1 Another one, let's go. Until I die trying.
  22. Non-Zero Day 3 So I played this morning for ~1 hour and it bored me. Still, even at the office in the morning, I'm feeling cravings and I think I will play some more in the evening. I want to keep some kind of a counter even if not a detox, so it's non-zero days. We'll see how I feel later in the day and if I manage to advance my project at least a little bit. Will update at the end of the day.
  23. Day 2 Afternoon update: I'm feeling very strong cravings. I'm waiting for results that will take 3 hours, so I'm very tempted to go home and play. "Just one evening". I'm just frustrated by trying to identify the source of a magical bug that makes no sense at all, so I'm trying to escape it. The fact that I have to message the blizzard support and at least somewhat explain the situation in order to get my account back is pretty awkward though. AAAhhh. Evening update: I went home, and felt really 'exhausted'. I know it wasn't real exhaustion, but the brain fog was very strong either way. What I should have done is change my physiological state and I did want to go to the gym, but in the end I didn't go. I installed overwatch and fell asleep on the couch during the installation. Which was probably lucky for me, since I would have just played the whole evening and night. Instead, I woke up at ~6am, played for an hour, got really bored, then chilled, watched a few videos and went out to the office. How I'd wish to just be normal.
  24. I think everyone NEEDS to have both a positive and a negative vision. You need to have a vision of your ideal life, of something you want to achieve, of something that matters to you that you think is worth fighting for. And on the other hand, you also need to have a vision of how your life would look like if you didn't try. The "worst case scenario" in a sense. That vision is scary. In life, both positive and negative motivation have value and are most effective together.
  25. I never thought about this, but it's kind of true for me too. After two or more weeks, it feels like the norm, it feels kinda boring. Like 'is that it' ? Just being normal? Where's all the world-conquering? It's like we want to do a 180 in a few weeks and become superstars. Maybe it's because taking a detox feels like becoming a superstar, because it's going from shit to normal so the improvement is huge. But then to go from normal to excellent takes exponentially longer and that's where the patience runs out.
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