WorkInProgress

Hey, good to have you here. @Cam sounds interesting let me know if the plans get specific

Day 38 Had a really busy day yesterday without beeing too productive. Needed like 4 hours to write a simple application to one internship. But I finished it! Have a lot to study in 8 days is the next exam and i have to do some work for my sidejob. But I did not procrastinate and got to work yesterday. Did earn some extra money in the afternoon wich is very usefull right now.. It was strange that i got a bad conscience after 4 hours of working. It felt like i should have studied or worked instead. Next time i will make more breaks to restore my fokus. Guess in the long run it saves me time and nerves. I am often afraid to schedule breaks because they are kind of the starting point of my procrastination. Five minute breaks evolve to 15min breaks wich evolve to 45min sitting around dooing stuff i don't need to do. But I'm sure this gets better with practice. I worked yesterday for 10 hours at things wich are important for me wich is a good quota. My brain seems to get into old shape again. I feel remembered at my school years where i was more creative and had better ideas then today. I like to think again. Strange to say it that way but i often felt just annoyed by many of my thoughts in the past years. Now as my fokus shifts away from gaming and desperation i find Joy in my thoughts wich is a good sign i would say. Maybe this is a sideeffect of meditation. I skipped it yesterday by the way because I was motivated and didn't want to calm down if I am excited about work. if that makes sense to you. OK I am getting hungry and I want to work out before breakfeast. so i have to go. What I learned today: - I can work without breaks for a long time. It just isn't productive - I can't do all things at once, I can only plan properly and prioritize to get the important stuff done. I have to deal with the things I don't do afterwards. Im gratefull for: - beeing mentally stable lately - my brain seems to work better lately - today beeing bodyweight training day(shit weather outside). - found a habbit loop: cue -> feeling hungry habbit-> workout reward -> eat breakfast PS: 2 hours wasted starting with porn gooing over to the bad site of youtube... well i will commit to no porn now! Take that freakin internet!

@Primmulla Coding isn't so mcuh related to maths as you think. It's mainly logic + a new language to learn.

If you want to start easier you could make a habbit out of beable reading. Something like at the start/end of the day 30min reading in the bible. And you could use the rest of the day at thinking about the stuff you read. Can't understand really why it should be only the bible though. I would prioritize on the bible if it is important for you and read other stuff if i have time and want to. More to learn can't be bad or can it?

don't dissapoint the fanbase (eager reader here). Seriously good that you are back here! Was there a trigger for your relapse or did shit just overwhelm you?( if i may ask)

Hi Travis, read today an awesome article on goals vs habbits(http://markmanson.net/goals). Check it out if you have some time for it. greetings Mario

Awesome article (basically The Power of Habbit in a nutshell, with a little extra personal experience)http://markmanson.net/goals. seriously read it!

Day 37 Hell yeah. This exam was a presentation of the 80/20 rule. Went surprisingly well but for the next exam i havve to be prepared better. To fokus on the right things brings you only that far, if i want get the best grades, I have to put in the extra work! I will start today, but got a lot of work to do. I guess my train time will be spent programming today, to get some free time in the morning. I allready spent a lot of time reading interesting blogs/articles in the morning. I will check out an interesting blog about personal development more frequently in the future. I like his style and sense of humour, while he is still insightfull(http://markmanson.net). Suprisingly good reads in the internet if you search for it! It got kind of a habbit to start my productive day with journalling and in the past I tried to change it, because i thought it will hinder my fokus and distract me. But lately I realized it helps me to think about things i want to do. This means there is no real downsite on starting your day wiht a cup of coffeee in this forum(yeah!). I just need to get going afterwards. This said I better get out there jogging. It is allready morning and the sun goes up! What I learned today: - there are nice reads on the internete for free Im gratefull for: - 80/20-rule working out - new found motivation to improve - it isn't raining so i stay dry at my jogging route - good fun at reading this morning - my wife(i know it gets boring but im gratefull damnit!) - my mood beeing great thsi morning - that i could continue this for another 10 entrances, because i feel happy right now

Hi g3nscho, awesome that you join us here and share your experiences! I had a similiar phase as i was 19. Until then i never had a girlfriend, mostly because girls at my school wasn't interesting at all and i was kind of socially akward with woman. I decided that this is the missing peace to my luck and gone out of my classical friend circle and tried to meet new people(men and women). Actually i found the woman i love and who challenges me to be a better. Long story short: I married her last december. And even if we are fighting a lot sometimes, going out to search for her was the best decision i made so far. I'm sure that quitting games will help you get more time and thinkpower to fokus on things you actually want for your life. By the way, a fullfilled relationsship isn't the missing puzzlepart for happiness. But it helps to have someone to share your miserable life with , On the point of deleting accounts: if you want quitting games , do it! It is as simple as this. The money you spent is lost in the second you decide to quit video games not at the moment you delete your accounts. It makes no difference if you delete them, if you never play again the money was spent anyway. If you decide after some time you are ready to play again moderatly you will ahve fun without the money spend. This fear of letting go shouldn't influence your decision, because it has nothing to do with the decision of quitting games. It's a classical logical bias. i'm only 26 my lifeexperience is somewhat limited, but I hope my thoughts can help you abit to find your own solutions or clear some things up you allready thought off. greetings Mario

Hi milan, I often have gaming urges if i have to think about exams and stuff wich makes me nervous. I know how it is to waste time strategizing or watching let's plays. I guess the only thing you can change is yourself. I would try to find outdoor activities and other things wich relax you, beside computergameing/watching gameplay. If i where you i would try to go cold turkey with all gaming related activities for some time(maybe try the 90day detox), because the other mentioned abilites seem to influence you in a bad way. Another thing you can actually do and will help you in the long ,is the creation of positive habbits. Just find some things wich are easy to do for you and commit to them every day. For example read every day 10 pages of a nonfiction book your intersted in. Study everyday 30min in a subjekt you feel like your bad at it. Do a stretch/workout routine every morning. Make your bed(yeah actually surprisingly helpfull habbit). With time (maybe 2weeks-2months) they become habbits and doesn't cost any effort and hey accumelate over time. More important if your commited to your habbit/habbits they will most likely have a ripple effekt. You start gooing to bed early enough because you work out in the morning. You clean your room because if your bed looks tidy, why not the rest. I do some of these things for 20days or so and actually feel better. Best habbit in my experience: the daily journal on this site

i kind of undestand some words because their similiar to german in a way xD.

I think it is a possible effect of the gamequitting. I had some sever mood swings the first two weeks after quitting.

Day 37 Today it was hard to get out of bad because my wife was away over night. Snoozed for the first time in 20days or so. Did it for nearly an hour. Still have enouhg time but have to cut my sport routine this morning wich is kind of annoying.I ahve my second exam today and aren't prepared enough because i procrastinated to much last week. Everyone says this special exam is easy and I hope it is true. Well meditation helps with my nerves but still i will be studying this week because the enxt oen is coming in 8days. I still didn't look for a internship wich is priority now because i want to start one at 1may. Many things to do but resisted the urges to play wich have a revival in this situation and i see this as a win. In the past I would played away yesterday out of stress. Now i watched 2movies and did study the rest of the day. I got a proper chance if i stay calm and have a little luck. I take this as a win What I learned today: - Mindfulness is a superpower(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6T02g5hnT4) I am gratefull for: -meditation - coffee - the opportunity of writing a exam today PS: Read through my diary and realised I stopped beeing hungry for improvement. Even if I am in a better spot of my life allready i can't be just content. It made me happy to imporve everyday and there is no reason to stop or to slow this progress down. Time to pick some things up I wanted to achieve and dropped along the way: Learn english grammar, revisit stuff I studied to have more knowledge, improve handwriting, learn 10-finger typing. keep the appartment clean. Ok have to go to stuff!

Day 36 I don't want to react to things anymore i want to be proactive. Beeing disciplined abotu work and university gives free space for Creativity and stops stress. Lately I start get cravings again and i know it is because of my exams are kicking in. Because of the inflicted stress i want to waste time by gaming. Freakin illogical brain at work! OK now the working week has started and my wife is out of the house early. This givesd me the easy opportunity to be more strict about my mouring routine to automate it. I start right now with 15min meditation followed by 20-60min sport.after that standard bathroom procedure and the day can come. Was procrastinating this wiht this journal entry but now I am actually excited about it adn start right after my gratitude journal. What I learned today: -I need to be proactive instead of reactive to be content. I am gratefull for: - no alkohol in my system anymore - excited aboiut morning routine! - trying out new things - my cats even if they are annoying as hell PS.: awesome article about scientific reasearch on beeing happy check it out(or the video)http://www.mindful.org/science-reveals-well-skill/

Day 35 Was out wiht a friend last night and drank too much. I have an hangover now and have to study for the exam at tuesday... Atleast it is getting better. I will use my afternoon as good as possible. Didn't meditate or do sport yesterday wich throw me off blance yesterday. It had the potential do be a great day but felt very stressfull and annoying. I am nto entirely sure if it was only the missing sport/meditation but I am glad that today my mood seems to be better(even besides my head aches) What I learned today: - I can meditate with headaches and it still works I am gratefull for: - declining head aches - time - day 35

Good to have you back, I was missing your entrys! Don't beat yourself up, better try to think where it gone wrong exactly. How did you feel after you relapsed?

Day 34 OK appartment is cleaned and things are gooing back upwards. It will be hard to be great at the exam at Tuesday and i "wasted" enough time in the forum reading other entrys now. Gooing to start studying now. What i learned today: - cleaning the surfaces and the dishes isnt cleaning the kitchen. Checklist:check(just a reminder for me. Feel free to ignore it.) I'm gratefull for: - clean appartment - humour - apple juice with sparkly water(germany!)

you can clear your youtube history. Its the item beyond abo's in your youtube profile. Helped me alot to get rid of the gameplay suggestions

how is your opinion to sport? I think going jog for 10-20min every day is on of the best habbits I created for me. Keeps me gooing and has riple effects on other areas of my life( I like to think about nutrition now for example, I sleep better too)

Day 33 The talk with my chef was really constructive. Now i have my mind to fokus on studying. Atlast after i cleaned my appartment... And i started to reduce my coffee intake. I will only drink one cup of coffee instead of 4-5 every day. Yesterday I was tempted several times but stayed strong.I think i stay at one cup for a week and then cut it entirely. My hope is that it gets easier to fokus on work if I reduce my coffeinlevel. To keep this journal more interesting I will start a things-I-learned-today section. This will force me to reflect my days more and be eager to learn new stuff. Checklist:check(just a reminder for me. Feel free to ignore it.) I'm gratefull for: - improving - electricity - having a family

Day 32 @cam ty for your support. Means alot to me that tehre is one out there reading my crap Got really slacky after the exam. had a crazy morning instead of starting my new routine. I sat 2 hour for my comuter in the morning gone jogging, cam back drank 2 beer and watched some random movies(dirty grandpa and tangled). Felt strange afterwards but had fun But im sure that this day will be better(or more productive). I started this morning training wiht bodyweight because i want to swap jogging wiht muscle training every second day. My left knee starts to hurt after 5-10min jogging and i dont want charge it further this way. It went ok bu i have to improve my posture and are pretty out of shape in this aspect. But thats kind of great because this way there are many things wich i can easily improve. Kind of problematic is the short item to the next exams. I will have to press some big study sessions in over the next 4 days and postpone my sidejob a bit. I will meet my chef today and talk wiht him about it. Checklist:check(just a reminder for me. Feel free to ignore it.) I'm gratefull for: -bodyweight training feeling promising - balanced moods lately - my wife not making fun about my bodyweight training(I'm sure it looked ridiculous) - cam

Saw Parkway Drive on a festival. Switched from beatsteaks to their stage and they were awesome. Wished i been there for the whole concert. Also awesome that you found a therapist wich fits to you. I never gone to one but friends of mine described it as a difficult process.

Day 32 The exam yesterday went very well. I actually have the hope that it will be a 1. In germany the simplified grading system goes like: 1(awesome) 2(good) 3(ok) 4(enough) 5(you suck, try again). I realised the last days while reading the power of habbit that my "mourning routine" isn't actually a mourning routine. Just some stuff I do at random times in the morning. Made an awesome new routine yesterday. But instead of sticking to it, i'm writing now this journal entry. You can see how my self-discipline needs some improvement. But well i did change my procrastination patterns. Instead of playing games, reading fiction or browse the internet, I started to clean the house write journals in a foreign language and read nonfiction books or listen to podcasts. I waste my time productivly(is this a word?) now . I actually feel pretty content(new word i learned recently!). This brightens my mood, but is potentially dangerous for my will to improve. I am not where i want to be. I know this somewhere back in my brain, but if I don't listen to that voice(wich is pretty easy), I just let all my achievements slip away, until I feel like crap and have a real incentive again. But not this time. At this point the slight-edge-philosiphy helps me to keep going. Summarized it says: There is no standing still in live. You are on a upward curve or a downward curve(in between is the slight edge). Success/ Failure. Every little decision you make, puts you in one or the other direction. In my limited life experience i've seen this concept to be true. Thats why I believe in it right now. Another mindest wich helps me to get through the day with less self-doubts(@cam thanks for that concept.): All I do is an experiment. Because I don't trust other people saying me how to life my life, I often rejected advice in the past. But if i see their advice as statements wich are still to be tested,i actually start doing something ,instead of doubting my past and future decisions. Checklist:check(just a reminder for me. Feel free to ignore it.) I'm gratefull for: - my new hearthrate monitor(gadget yeah) - my new mechanical lawnmower(xD no idea why im so thrilled about it) - feeling content - beeing still young(26) - awesome quality time with my wife at my birthday

I struggle wiht self-help books too, but right now my philosyphy is to read them, think about them and try things out. If it turns out it is helping me: awesome!. If it isn't I just stop it and search for new ideas. I actually haven't read any self-help books until now, because I always held an aversion vs them. So there some news for me to filter out of them( habbits omg xD) wich puts me in a another situation. I actually never thought about habbits before this detox. Stay strong man, i believe in you, even if you are a random person out of the internet. PS: loved the self-ironic comic and ty for the link, enjoyed teh monk talk. greetings Mario

Hi caith, good you stopped gambling and drugs they ruin enough lifes. Be proud of not gambling for so long I know it isn't easy. It is awesome that you realize your problems and are willing to work on them. This self-honesty is really important. I agree with Marchosias advice, start simple but steady. And realize you are maybe 29, but you have hopefully atleast 40years to go. Now you have the chance to life 40 years how you like! greetings Mario