Bugg

Slowly but surely making my way through my daily goals. Gratitude: 1. Hot chocolate 2. Jack Daniels 3. Tidy spaces 4. New iPad 5. Not living totally alone 6. Little Pip and his good health 7. Game Quitters forum 8. Podcasts 9. Music 10. Determination. And one bonus gratitude for the day too, 11. @Cam Adair. Thanks for being such an inspiration, and being there for all of us when we needed you :)

You have a really good mindset when it comes to committing to coding! I know sometimes you write that you haven't done enough or as much as previously, but to spend a day at work then come home and code on top of it, I find that really impressive!

Day 18 A weird day. Obsessive thoughts of the clutter in my space has led me to abandon mostly all else in order to sift through my things to donate a bunch of them - I felt compelled to start this task even before I ate breakfast. I literally rolled out of bed and got to work. I did manage to practice some German, although this decision was very much in-the-moment. I did a quick workout too, in order to expend nervous energy, which was also very much a split-second decision. In fact, my whole day has been very distracted, disjointed and impulsive. I know I need to meditate, but honestly, I think there's so much stress and fear in my mind today that I genuinely can't bring myself to, I don't want to stop and feel it. This is a strange feeling to have - I've never felt this way in my life. I realise this isn't healthy, and at some point before bed I will eventually need to. I had wanted to go for a walk while it was sunny, but I had to stay home for a delivery, by the time it arrived it was raining. I'd really rather not go out walking in the rain right now. I just wish there was less on my mind right now, and whilst I could journal it all out here, again, I just don't feel like I really want to truly sit with those thoughts and feelings right now. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Update: In a weird way I think it's perhaps a sign that my mindset is changing; that I don't want to think about the bad stuff - that I'd rather just be getting on with something. This may seem counterintuitive, but I can remember so soo many occasions in the past where I've lost days to just sitting and dwelling, and worrying and wallowing, and getting myself so worked up. I think perhaps sometimes when there are difficult thoughts present - yes we do need to face them - but maybe it is still important to recognise the right time to do so. I just don't think today has been the right time. Maybe that's OK after all.

As someone who probably fits the description of 'woman', I hope I can reassure you that there are those of us out there that would not be put off by 'men that can't please them'. The thing is, women get sexual anxiety too, and this fosters empathy towards others in a similar boat.. not resentment. Also, relationships are so much more than sex. Yes, it's often an important component, but I don't think it should ever be the most important thing. Plus, when a couple are able to overcome issues together it makes their relationship all the more stronger for it. Rather than seeing your anxiety as a weakness, try and see it as an opportunity for growth. Finally, when it comes to an issue such as sexual anxiety - something I myself have struggled with - it's pretty hard to tackle on your own. You kinda need to just let go and allow someone to help, eventually. And if a person doesn't care about you enough to help, then they're probably not worth your time anyway.

Haha yeah, it felt like time for a change :P

@Tycoon I keep them organised in plastic wallets in a folder, but I have a foolproof space saving system :P If a tab is printed on multiple pages I put all the pages in one wallet with the top page facing out - obviously .. but as you turn the plastic page the 'back' of the wallet displays the top sheet for another set of tab for a different song. It allows for 2 songs per wallet, and once I've learned a song often all I need is to see the top page to jog my memory, if I need more I can just take the pages out. It's nice to flick through as a sort of learning library. Haha .. I get a little over exited when it comes to organising stuff :P Hmm, I'll have another look :) Thanks, I must admit I just ended up comfort eating my feelings away and now the Jack Daniels has emerged. It's just been one of those days. I'm sooo glad there's light at the end of this tunnel though, I honestly don't know how I'd cope otherwise.

@Tycoon I always wanted to take Drama in school too but I already had music and art in my arsenal and I wanted space for triple science. I'd love to go back and study theater though.. even if I am rubbish at it - it looks like a lot of fun! Generally I just look online for tab to a song I like, and if the tabs not way beyond my level I print it out and learn it. I'm trying to perfect Drive by Incubus at the moment. I'm not very skilled with guitar.. yet :P I enjoy it though. I also have a printout of loads of chords, I go over them every now and then just to get the shapes into my muscle memory. I'm not learning music theory yet though. With the basics or a particular technique, I just wait until I hit a stumbling point in a song I'm learning and that usually flags up a gap in my knowledge, then I go away and learn it then :) I'm still not sure I can ever give up my pokémon games, but I feel kinda guilty for that :s Oh, I just noticed you're UK too, I can't work out how to get the little flag on my profile though, unless it does it automatically and I just can't see it?

This is one of my biggest fears, especially imagining that I will look back on m life and feel like I've accomplished nothing. To me that's like failing at life? Idk. But yeah, also a perfectionist, and I find it easy to become so immobilized by the fear that I don't even try to begin with. I think the only reason I was able to give the 90 Day detox a go was because 1. I knew I had to do something. 2. I felt really confident I could do it. This really effects my stress levels at work, especially since my manager is such a perfectionist as well, even on the days I am able to be more compassionate to myself, she often isn't quite so kind, and her harsh words make me feel even worse, and even more fearful of my failings. But yeah, what I find really helps is self-compassion. Just recognizing that you are only human, that perfection doesn't exist, or if it does, it is found as a result of changing our perspective towards it, if that makes sense. I was actually thinking a lot about the concept of perfection on the bus this morning. I think 'only human' is a great thing to remember. We're not super heroes. There was actually something I heard on the Game Quitters podcast, I forget which episode, about how we often become discouraged when we aren't good at things, but we have to remember that it takes time to improve our abilities, and the only way to do that is to keep going through the hard parts. Anyway, I hope that helped. It's reassuring for me to know I'm not the only one at least.

Welcome! I also recommend Respawn, I'm finding it really helpful. However you decide to go about quitting games though, you have plenty of support here on the forum, and I wish you luck in discovering what things you can enjoy outside of gaming.

I can relate to much of what you've written. Good luck on your journey!

Welcome and congratulations on taking the first step! It's not an easy journey, (I'm only on day 16) but I hope you find it worthwhile. You mentioned that you will wait for the snow to melt in order to do some outdoor hobbies, can you think of anything you might like to do indoors too? I think that will help a lot of the days when leaving the house either isn't an option, or is just too hard. I struggle to even motivate myself to leave the house somedays, but having lots to do indoors helps to keep my mind away from games. I also sold my playstation, which helped a lot. Now I enjoy learning guitar and German when I'm indoors, and journalling here of course. I also have an indoor workout routine so that I have less excuses not to do it. If staying at home is too much of a trigger for you, maybe you need to find indoor places to go that are out of the house (coffee shops etc?). I have a lot of experience with diets, but this is from a background of disordered eating rather than just weight loss. The therapy I undertook for this taught me some important lessons. My advice would be to scap any sort of fad diet as they aren't sustainable long term. The best ways to make change are to focus on lasting changes, if you can implement small changes into your routine that are acheiveble, then this is the best way in my opinion. An example would be to start off eating a healthy breakfast each day (I love oatmeal in cold weather and museli in warm.) If breakfast isn't your thing maybe aim for a healthy lunch instead. If this is too hard to do every day at first then try doing it 3 days per week and go from there. By finding a healthy lifestyle that works for you, you're more likley to stick to it. From your reply above it seems you've got this covered though :) Quitting games and getting more active is a great step to take though, and possibly one of the most important decisions you'll make to turn your life around. Perhaps it is a quick/impulsive decision, but perhaps that's also what you need right now? Change is hard, and for me at least I find that too much change at once can be overwhelming. You've made a big change in quitting games, perhaps just give that some time to settle, get used to some new routines, and then think about what else you can introduce to make your life more fulfilled? And of course, good luck!!!

Meditated. My mind was very busy and hard to calm today. Gratitude; 1. Blue skies 2. Green leaves 3. Fluffy clouds 4. This beautiful notebook 5. Peace and quiet 6. Birdsong 7. Cold, fresh water 8. A comfy bed 9. Little Pip 10. My favourite teddy. I sometimes notice a tendency in my mind to want to contrast the gratitude list with a list of negative things I want to change or cope better with ... I realise that defeats the purpose of setting my mind into a place of positivity and gratitude. It's certainly not a tendency I allow to drift within my thoughts for long. But an observation none-the-less. Update: Despite my stupor I got up and danced, and enjoyed it. Then my calendar reminded me to practice some German, so I did that too. That was really hard work given my difficulty concentrating at the moment, but I'm glad that I did it anyway. I wrote a quote in my paper journal and then doodled a mandala for a while, whilst singing a little. I love to sing. I haven't had a proper sing in a very long time. Perhaps I need to schedule that in too. My calendar then reminded me to practice guitar, so I did that too. Motivating myself to play is always difficult, but the playing in itself if almost always a pleasure; I'd do well to remember that. I guess the more I play the easier it will be to motivate. I definitely do feel better now, and much more ready to face work later on. The quote for reference: ''The thought manifests as the word, the word manifests as the deed, the deed develops into habit and habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and it's ways with care, and let it spring from love, born out of concern for all beings. As the shadow follows the body, as we think so we become.'' - Dalai Lama I've had that quote on my wall for years, it's moved house with me 3 times, I found it in a book written by The Dalai Lama and I've had it scribbled on so many different pieces of paper. Now I'm embracing a more minimal life it's become time to take it down, but I shall forever remember it. Second Update: I was stood in the kitchen just now preparing an early lunch and I-kid-you-not ... for a brief moment I had a memory of having completed a mission on Borderlands and the calm and peace I'd have felt afterwards, after escaping into Pandora for a while. But, it wasn't just a memory. I was/am feeling that calm of escape, the same calm of escape I get from playing games, and I haven't touched a game. I think the game-memory was triggered by this emotion. That's pretty damn cool. So whaddya know... forcing myself to do hobbies rather than gaming ACTUALLY WORKS! Haha. No offence @Cam Adair .. I'm not implying I didn't think it would work... I'm just, surprised at how well. :P It's actually kinda spooky... I have goosebumps.

Day 16. It's morning, I've had breakfast and replied to another emotional letter. So far I've not met any of my goals for the day and I'm struggling to bring myself out of this slump I'm finding myself in. I have work later today, which I'm not looking forward to either - but hopefully the issues at work will pass soon and then I can at least enjoy that again. I am at the very least going to meditate. I'm not sure I have the energy to work out so instead I'm going to put on some music and dance like a crazy person for a while, hopefully that will help shake some of this nervous energy. As for my other goals, we will see.. baby steps. At least I'm not gaming. Silver linings. I obviously knew I had an issue with gaming, otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place, but I didn't actually appreciate just how much of a release it had been for me. In the past when I've felt like this sure I'd have wallowed for a while, and struggled and stressed, but ultimately I'd have put on a game, gotten lost for a while, and I'd have felt much much better, temporarily at least. I never truly appreciated the extent to which that rung true for me. Until now at least. I won't give in.

@marcopolobus Thanks, that makes sense. I guess the catharsis is one of the reasons for journaling in the first place.

Hey, it's awesome that you're still fighting your cravings and moving forwards :)

@giblets Thanks, I guess that's a good way to look at it, I think there are many things about myself that are less about changing, and more about accepting, but I certainly can see the merits in your idea. @Regular Robert Thanks, I don't feel like I'm really making much progress at the moment if I'm honest, but maybe you notice things I don't. In response to the comment about my highly conscious progress... I'm just a thinker, I've always analysed myself anyway, and I've had a paper journal habit for well over a year now, so maybe that part just comes naturally, I dunno.

@giblets I'll look forward to ep14 :P The skipping seems to occur when an interview is about to begin, it doesn't happen on laptop only my ipod classic and can't be a streaming issue as I'm offline, I have already downloaded it and I am listening from local :P There must be a tiny discrepancy in the recording when it switches to a where a new audio file is added and my iPod is picking up on it for some reason and having trouble. It's ok tho, when it skips I just go back and find the point where it's having trouble and I start from 10 seconds after that point, then it continues as normal. Hahah, yeah, that is pretty pretentious! :P

Day 10 Quick update. I'm on a coach today for 12 hours so just gonna sit back to some podcasts, music, movies, meditation and chillin. I'll do some German tho xD Dunno how much I'll post this weekend since I'm visiting family and my phone doesnt like the forum too much. Yesterdays gratidute: 1.Good health 2. Little pip 3. Access to clean water 4. Good, healthy food 5. The internet 6. Music/guitar 7. My family 8. Patience 9. Empathy 10. Nature (Pip is my hamster ^.^) Todays gratitude; 1. The dawn chorus 2. Busses on time 3. Perfectly timed mornings 4. Open minds 5. Coach travel 6. Sage tea 7. A loving family 8. Clear skies 9. Fresh air 10. Patience

Have you spoken to your friends yet about what you're doing? I'm interested because I'm on day 9 now and I've only told a few very close friends, but I would find it much harder if I had people coming here to game or watch game related streams. You've done amazingly though to get through day one with that level of temptation, congrats!! and good luck going forwards! :)

Random note: I completely forgot, when I was in the store selling my ps4 'I miss you' by Blink 182 was playing. Twas a surreal moment. I don't think I'll listen to that song the same again :P But then all was well again when it was followed by 'Cemetery Gates' by Pantera.

Welcome, and good luck! :)

Day 9 Up early, healthy breakfast, meditated, went for a jog and practiced some German, and it's not even 9am. Onto a roll. I plan to shower, work on some Respawn, write a blog post, play guitar, do chores like; laundry; cleaning out my hamsters cage; packing for the weekend etc. Then spend some time reading (I struggle to commit to this before 9pm for some reason), before going see my friends in a performance of Beauty and the Beast. Bed early tonight as I'm up early to travel up the country, to spend the weekend with my mum for her 50th birthday. I can't wait to see her! Usually my DS always comes on trips with me, but instead I'll be taking podcasts :) I may download a few Netflix episodes to watch on the coach too tho. But even though I'm travelling for most of he day I can still practice my German and meditate. Guitar will have to wait until I return home. Busy day ahead.

Ahh your writing class sounds cool, and yeah that is an awesome complement! I know what you mean with ambition leading to discontent, I get this and it can be really demotivating for sure. But perhaps a shift in your thinking and language would help? Cam pulled me up for this in my journal too, and I've read countless articles in testament to this logic. So when you write things like 'is always going to make me discontent', 'I'm not the happiest person', 'life will never stop being stressful' or 'I will never be content with my situation' you are affirming those beliefs. Instead try 'I didn't used to be the happiest person, but some days are better than others, and I'm gonna try and have more good days' or something like that at least. Or, 'my own ambition can sometimes make me discontent, but I need to work on this.' Really believe that change is possible, because if you don't believe that, you're less likley to work towards it. Yeah, life is always gonna get stressful, but that doesn't mean you can't work towards being able to better manage that stress. And you may feel discontent with your situation now, and worry that the future will be no different, but you have the ability to change that by changing how you think and react to situations. You never know, one day you might find yourself content, but if you believe that you won't then you're a lot less likley to get there. You can achieve your dreams if you believe in them.

Thanks! I'm so glad my observations helped you, it does seem pretty silly when you think about it, haha. I guess we just get so caught up in the virtual world we forget about our own. Or rather, we used to :P I've actually thought about writing short stories of some of my dreams, maybe I will one day.

Something else at the end of podcast ep2 really resonated with me, when @JP_Dub mentions how he used to worry about not having time to game when he eventually has a family. I've had similar thoughts in the past, and more recently I'd been thinking of how much I wanted to rescue a dog but then how much time that would take from gaming. But in reality, rescuing an animal is waaay more rewarding. I vividly remember years ago I told myself ''I pity your future self if you ever stop playing games, I hope you never become boring''.. whereas now I really can see how closed-minded I was ... what's boring is sitting in front of a screen all day, what's exciting is getting out there and living life.