marcopolobus

Day 13/90 I'm 15% of the way there already! I haven't posted in the last two weeks because I've been busy with school and a rock climbing road trip to Red Rock Canyon. The road trip helped remind me of how good it feels to live in the present. Being in another country prevented me from using my phone, so I had to fill the time with conversation with friends. It was actually way easier than I thought it would be. The urge to check my phone died away, and I was able to see the world around me more clearly. I appreciated the little things more. This is also a side effect of camping in the winter, but I want to keep this feeling in mind now that I'm back to my normal routine. Right when I returned, I was tempted to smoke a joint and watch some LoL youtube videos. My brain seemed to light up at the idea and I felt giddy. I immediately tried to squash this feeling and remember my goal of no VGRM. I was able to distract myself with videos about some other random shit, but I felt kinda hollow. I think I remember this feeling going away after a while during my last detox, but it really sucks right now. I've told my parents and girlfriend about my goal and they said I can talk to them when I feel the urge.

Hey man, just caught up with your posts. That sucks trying to work through physical pain and change old addictions at the same time... I had a similar experience with a herniated disc. I'm glad to hear you're going to give the detox another go. If you can add in like 5-10 minutes of meditation in the morning, I think it'll really help.

Day 1/90 Wow I'm over 1% of the way there already! Seriously though this is gonna be super hard - I feel like nothing can stimulate me to the same level video games did. Everything else seems dull and slow. What can I do to give me that same rush of adrenaline that comes from exercising your skill at a task in a high pressure scenario

I totally feel where you're coming from - being in school and being addicted to video games. I felt the same way after 149 days of no games - I thought I could do moderation. Now I'm fucked up again. Lets stop being addicts

That's really impressive that you are sticking to the gym even when you're struggling with a breakup and other things! I hope you keep it up ?

It's been almost an entire year since I made my first attempt at a Video Game and Related Media (VGRM) detox. Looking back through that journal, I was reminded of the ups and downs I had trying to quit. I relapsed multiple times, but I eventually managed to break my addiction to video games and watching gameplay. I stayed VGRM free for 149 days, from mid April to mid September!! Last summer, I worked at an outdoor retailer and made tons of new friends while getting outside rock climbing and hiking. It renewed my confidence in my ability to be sociable and active. I even met an amazing girl who I'm currently dating! I reconnected with my old hobbies even while I struggled with the pain of a herniated disc injury which I sustained in April. Come September, I was determined to make the school year my best yet, in terms of focus and proactive studying. I'm expecting to graduate this April and I wanted to go out feeling proud of myself. I've been in school for almost 6 years now, and I wanted my results this term to demonstrate my increased maturity. I also wanted to make the most of being a student for my last year, because of all the perks! However, with the stress and seclusion that comes with studying, I slipped back into my old ways. I think I also felt that because I had done so well all summer, I could handle VGRM in moderation. I was wrong. I downloaded League of Legends again and made a new account. I resubscribed to my favourite LoL youtubers. I started to become worried about my grades, as I was enrolled in a course that I had withdrawn from twice already in previous years. To combat my lack of self-discipline, I purchased medicinal "study aids". I managed to pass all my courses, but my relationship with my girlfriend suffered. My physical health suffered too, as I would often only eat two meals a day and rarely exercised. I evenstarted using the study aids to stimulate me while playing LoL! When I returned home for Christmas break, I was able to see how shitty my life had been the past few months. I started up school again in January feeling fresh and determined to be healthier and have better habits. But I was still playing League of Legends, so you can imagine how that turned out. So here I am, with only two months left until I finish school. My dreams for habits, health, and grades this year have been overshadowed by the power that video games have over me. I hate how I hide my screen from people when I'm watching gameplays in public, too embarrassed to let people see what I'm doing. I hate that I have youtube running all the time I'm at home - in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in bed. I hate that I stay up 3 hours past when I needed to go to sleep because I'm too excited to try out a new build in LoL. I hate that I lie to my girlfriend when she asks what I've been up to all week, and why I don't have more time to spend with her. I hate that I'm skipping classes to play video games, during my last year of university, at the age of 24. I hate that I feel so ashamed of myself constantly, and that the shame makes me lash out at my friends and family. I hate that I can have great intentions for the day, but as soon as I start watching gameplays, my brain turns off and I can barely move. I hate that I'm going to be under a mountain of student loans in a few months, but I'm avoiding taking steps to deal with it because I'd rather escape from reality and play games. I hate that my herniated disc isn't getting any better, and I'm probably making it worse by sitting for hours on end and avoiding exercise, because I'd rather escape my pain with video games. I hate that I don't have anything to talk about with my friends, because I spend all my free time watching and playing video games. I hate that I'm getting even skinnier because I forget to eat when I'm caught up in a video game high. I hate that I'm abusing prescription drugs to further my addiction to video games I hate that my debt is growing even larger because I eat out all the time. I don't have any time to go grocery shopping because, yes you guessed it, I'm totally engrossed by video games. I hate that I feel like I'm becoming a single dimensional individual, spending much of my free time searching for a quiet place to sit down and consume some VGRM. /endrant I'm committing to posting in this journal daily once again. I'm going to track my VGRM habits on my phone again. I'm going to surpass my 149 day record. LETS GOOOOO!!!

Good luck man, just remember that its usually more effective to change one habit at a time! If you slip up, maybe consider just quitting video games for now, and once you have a handle on that, go for the porn and videos.

Day #80 (28) Grateful for: Finaaaaally seeing Infinity War!! VGRM report: No problems at all with VGRM right now. Most of my attention is focussed on work and habit building, particularly meditation. I'm on a 40 streak, and I look forward to the moment of calm setting the tone for my morning.

Day #75 (23) Grateful for: working on my budget, and completing my daily habits VGRM report: Felt kinda miserable today because I had a sore throat all night, and I think I'm coming down with a minor cold. Was tempted to watch some LoL gameplay to feel better, but I reminded myself that would ultimately make me feel worse about myself. I'm on a good streak now of no VGRM. It doesn't feel that challenging anymore!

Day #67 (15) Grateful for: Doing everything I wanted to after finishing work VGRM report: Haven't had any strong urges to play video games, and have started developing a habit of casting my mind around for alternatives to video gameplay on YouTube.

Day #53 (1) Grateful for: not giving up VGRM report: so I played pokemon randomly last night for an hour... I only had a gameboy in my room because my friend was moving and I thought I could sell it. There goes 10 days of no video games, but at least it wasn't League related. Back to 1...

Day #52 (10) Grateful for: Getting a summer job! VGRM report: Still not having too much trouble resisting league, I think the meditation is really helping

Hey @zachscott you can do this buddy! Something that helped me was counselling. Having someone I can talk to where I can let out all my frustrations, neuroses and fears is great. Also meditation, even 5 minutes a day can help train you to catch your thoughts when they drift towards video games.

Day #47 (5) Grateful for: Getting out of my house to work alongside a friend VGRM report: League didn't even cross my mind today. I was so caught up in doing real things. It felt great.

Day #46 (4) Grateful for: The habitbull app. I meditated today for 10 minutes even though it was 9pm, just so i could keep my streak going. VGRM report: No desires for league today. Feels very nice