DaBest

Day 245 No VG - 245 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 7 days , SOB - 26 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 2 day, NLAF - 4 days left, NSOC - 5 days @Amphibian220. When I meant I was starting fresh today, it was not a comment referring to a rock-bottom situation, if that's what you were getting at. I just meant that I was going to be back on track starting today since I am not traveling (so it's easier to stay disciplined), which I have been so far. I by no means am devaluing what has happened this year. I'm pretty happy about this year for the most part. It was stressful, but I've made a lot of changes and gotten a lot of my time back. I've grown a bunch. @Ikar, I have many thoughts on the book. Would I live a life like Tim Ferriss? Probably not. Would I change my life to free up more of my time and start living more now? Hell yes. My main priority right now is to use the advise to help me navigate my corporate job better and increase my performance, which some of the book talks about. The book focuses more on escaping the grind so to speak in order to devote more time to growing as a person. I'm not fully onboard with ditching corporate life just yet since I'm still gaining lots of valuable skills, but in particular, it's given me thoughts of how I can supplement my income while I work, God forbid should something happen. I think a decent portion of my work stress would be mitigated if I had separate income streams besides my job and investments. My biggest unanswered question with the book (so far, almost done) is what about responsibility and duty? I think these tools can help one devote more time to more meaningful causes if one chooses, but one could easily use these tools for increasing hedonism. Maybe that question isn't intended to be answered by this book though, which means I'm probably expecting too much. --- So far so good today. Hit the gym. I fucking love the gym now. I want to get completely shredded. Actually did some considerable cleaning--the place is looking a lot better now. Salsa is upcoming. I'm feeling stressed about the salsa stuff. One of my fears is that someone will find out I don't have many friends or suck at salsa (relatively speaking). However, if I consistently go to salsa dancing, I can get better at salsa dancing and make more friends. Funny how that works. I need to keep that in mind. I've been craving the internet quite a bit today. Podcasts and music. I was eagerly expecting my news window. Man, that's weird. Tomorrow I'm going to try and spend more time doing other stuff. --- UPDATE: I WENT SALSA DANCING AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER!!!!!! Very happy I went simply because I got through the emotions and stress on the way there. Another victory. Had a bunch of fun during the classes at the start. Couple of things I want to improve on, besides my bachata. 1) Talking to people before the classes. I didn't do that today, and so were most people who were there. Next time, I'm just going to say hi to a random person and see where the conversation goes. It can't be any worse then going into a scene in improv with no idea about what's going to happen. 2) Sticking around after classes for the club portion of the night. I didn't say this explicitly, but my bargain with myself was at least making it through the classes if I got through the door. Asking a woman for a dance is something I've done before, but my stress levels were so high I was freaking out a little tonight. Also, another reason I left early is because I saw someone who looked very similar to someone who used to be a close friend a few years ago, but then soured for some reason, culminating in an incident where he placed a knife on the back of my neck. I didn't think they did salsa dancing, and while they looked similar, they may have been different or the same. I don't know. I was trying to listen to the person's voice to see if it was different, and I think it was, but I was second guessing myself a bunch. I'm still part of a friend group with that person at the request of the hub of that friend group, though that group is practically fallen apart at this point due to a marriage/baby. The whole thing was weird. Nonetheless, nothing happened, so I'm probably fine even if it is that person. Still, that compounded my anxiety. I'm pretty freaking proud of myself right now. WOO!

@BooksandTrees I can completely feel where you're coming from. I think meditation is going to be my new habit that I pick up, starting next Monday. Was listening to a podcast between Tim Ferriss and Sam Harris today and it got me hyped up again about meditation. @Erik2.0, nbd on the NoFap. It's still progress. I'm masturbating a lot less and its saved me a bunch of time and energy. I'm averaging 3-4 days a week at the gym, 4 being the minimum goal. I've been increasing the amount of stretching I do outside of the gym for my back problems recently. Just curious, have you gotten your blood checked recently (esp. for thyroid issues) or have been diagnosed with depression? Those can cause long sleep sessions. Day 244 No VG - 244 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 6 days , SOB - 25 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 1 day, NLAF - 3 days left, NSOC - 4 days Just got back from my folks. Was a very busy Christmas, but it was nice to spend time with them. Unfortunately, my internet habits kind of went to the wayside while I was there, but it wasn't as bad as past experiences. That's progress in a weird way. Tomorrow I'm starting fresh. This was also nice because breaking all the habits reminded me what little value I gained in doing so--usually it's just to deal with boredom or anxiety. I'm feeling energized after visiting my family and nearly finishing The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss. I usually feel more energized to perform better and live better after spending time around loved ones. It's motivation for me to get my life together. My three big goals for tomorrow are to get to the gym, clean the heck out of my apartment, and go salsa dancing. I'm feeling motivated. I'm gonna go to bed early.

Day 240 No VG - 240 days, journaling - 1 day left, no sports news - 56 days, NF - 2 days , SOB - 21 days, NNO59 - 27 days, NIA1030 - 6 days left, NLAF - 7 days left, NSOC - 2 days left @Amphibian220, that's not a terrible idea. My boss is definitely in the know about this--he admitted to me recently he didn't manage my workload well at all--but he keeps throwing more at me because I think he just forgets and that we have a ton of stuff to do. I still get nervous though since I think I can still do better, and that I don't feel like I have much to show for the past year. --- Been a busy couple of nights. Had a show on Friday, which went very well. However, I had a mini panic attack on the ride in while I was reading Tim Ferriss's Four Hour Workweek, in an attempt to unfuck my job. I had to stop reading the book simply because it was making me think of work. After the show, I had a true panic attack in my freaking sleep. I had a dream I was driving around the city I live by back and forth, trying to get things done. There was so much to do, and I was going so fast that I started missing turns. Then I completely fucking panicked and started driving in circles in an intersection, ultimately crashing. At this point I really well and truly was in the middle of a panic attack (which by the way, I've never experienced before). I woke up abruptly, and started hallucinating an orb of light and weird wavy stuff around my room. It was weird. Sleep shouldn't be like that. I also ended up breaking my NoFap streak because even before that, my sleep was terrible as I was drinking that night, and I just chilled in bed. I'll be more mindful of that in the future. Yesterday I hit the gym and had another show, which went decently well. I felt much calmer. Today is even more improv, practice + watching a show. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for home for a couple of days, I'll try and continue to post.

Good stuff @Amphibian220. Keep fighting the good fight. Day 237 No VG - 237 days, journaling - 3 days left, no sports news - 53 days, NF - 17 days, SOB - 18 days, NNO59 - 24 days, NIA1030 - 9 days left, NLAF - 10 days left, NSOC - 5 days left Really long day. Mad tired. Still got to the gym AND did Christmas shopping. Up late on my computer but I was actually working. All habits kept today. My house is a huge mess at this point. I'm going to need some time this weekend to clean it. I need to learn to reduce my stress at work and learn how to be energized at my work no matter what. Responsibility is hard. I'm rambling 'cause I'm tired.

Day 236 Quick check in. Show soon. All habits kept. Mundane life for the win.

Good job turning everything around! Very stark difference between your last two posts.

Day 235 No VG - 235 days, journaling - 5 days left, no sports news - 50 days, NF - 15 days, SOB - 16 days, NNO59 - 22 days, NIA1030 - 11 days left, NLAF - 12 days left, No Sleeping on the Couch - 7 days left Got through today at work. Felt a little more positive today about the future, but that ebbed and flowed a bit. Maybe it was because of the Tim Ferriss podcast I was listening to on my way in. Went to a new gym today. My old one is closing. It's a chain, so I can go to all the others that are in the area. Ran across a co-worker there of all people, and we chatted for a bit, which was cool since I don't see many co-workers outside of work. Actually got a leg workout in for the first time in about two weeks due to back pain issues. I was a little tight from sitting so much today, but I tell you what, that kettlebell just relaxes my back like nothing else. Got home, got another load of laundry in during the midweek to take stress off the weekend. Need to do some dishes. And most importantly, I'm kinda bored with the internet today for some reason, and I'm finding it easy to stop early tonight. Finally, I am instituting another habit this week, no sleeping on my couch before going to bed at night. I've been nodding off quite a bit recently. It's not good for my back or hygiene (as I usually don't brush my teeth until I wake up), nor is it good for my sleep quality. I got kind of fed up after last night about that. Anyway, like I said, off early tonight. Show tomorrow too! Goodnight y'all.

Day 234 No VG - 234 days, journaling - 6 days left, no sports news - 49 days, NF - 14 days!!!, SOB - 15 days, NNO59 - 21 days, NIA1030 - 12 days left, No Laptop and Food - 13 days left. @Alexanderle glad you're motivated! This also might be a bit strange, but I personally don't mind the natural horniness--I just want to be in control of it and use that energy for everything. It also really helps motivate me to get out. If anything, I want more cravings, just not for masturbation. @Ikar, aha! I see what you did there! That's a very positive and productive way of looking at things, and definitely a better alternative frame for some of the hangups I'm currently having. I dig it. --- The deluge started within 5 minutes of getting to work today. I think I'm getting slightly better at dealing with people's BS and detaching. Also, I realized am much better with handling negativity over email than in person. Tone sets me off. I need to get better at that, which I think will come in time as I like myself more. Had therapy afterwards. It was good to get some things off my chest. We talked a bit about my long post from last week with the comments my boss made. I think I'm a little more accepting and appreciative of the compliment now. We also reflected a bit on this year. This year, hands down, is the year I spent the most in reality. I've spent years ignoring that and responsibility, and this year I took on heaps of both. Somehow, I survived. I've grown a ton this year. And my internet usage is a lot closer to how I want it to look like at this point. If I am on the internet while I'm at home, much more of it is going to improving my life/my hobbies, and much less of it is going to numbing myself, though that still does happen. I've toned down the numbing which was RAMPANT at the beginning of the year. Paying attention to the real world freaking hurts in the present, but in the long run it hurts less as the rewards are greater. I actually felt kind of proud when we went over this since I hadn't given it much thought. And today starts the aforementioned new habit of no laptop + food. Back when I was in super-internet-binge mode, I had a habit loop where I'd get something to eat, start watching YouTube (especially esports this year), get distracted for several hours, realize I'm hungry, get food, but because I need my laptop when I eat, go back to watching YouTube, aaaaaand repeat for 16 hours. This happens to a smaller extent now, particularly because of the other controls that are in place, but it takes me away from being present and does send me down similar, yet smaller loops from time to time. This will help me get even more of my time back, which is the thread which connects all of those habits.

Wow, good job deleting all of that at once. That can be really stressful and it seems like you got through it reasonably well!

Day 233 No VG - 233 days, journaling - missed a few, up for another seven, no sports news - 48 days, NF - 13 days, SOB - 14 days, NNO59 - 20 days, NIA1030 - reset, 13 days left Missed a couple of days of journaling. Friday I went to see a friend's play that they were starring in, so I got back very late. I really enjoyed the show, especially my friend's performance. He really killed it. Saturday was a bit of a backslide. I didn't get out to go salsa dancing since I was making the excuse that my apartment looked like a mess. I didn't really clean up much, and to top it all off, I mistakenly went past my internet limit. Once I realized I made a mistake, I pretty much stopped caring and went to NumbTown. Stayed up kind of late too, but by no means my worst backslide. I think it was the stress of last week and my body not handling it well. In a way, it wasn't good, but that might be one of the few times where I truly needed that. In the future, I need better ways of managing that stress throughout the week so I don't get to that point again. I was almost feeling ill at work on Friday just from the work. On the bright side, Saturday and Sunday I got to the gym and I think I figured out my back pain. Tight psoas muscles. I spent time during the intermission of my friends show reading about the biomechanics and functionality and it made sense with my specific symptoms. All I did at the start of my workouts was lying on a kettlebell and sometimes moving my leg a bit, and the pain went away almost instantly. Now if I bend forward, I still can't touch my toes again without a lot of warming up, but all of the strain transferred from my lower back to my hamstrings, which is way better for things like putting on socks and shoes. Even my hips feel a bit better. Sitting will flare things up again though, so I need to be mindful of that. Also, there are some residual pains still, and they feel more acute and stabby, but very minor, and only when sitting. I still have a lot more work to do on my legs and hips, and I still have to figure out why my hamstrings got so insanely tight if my psoas loosened. Though they might not be related...I'll figure it out. On that note though, I'm actually pretty proud I figured it out on my own. The physical therapist and orthopedic surgeon never brought that up, and it's hard for them to reach that point because they have hundreds of other patients, so it's not like they can take hours to diagnose me. Really, that's on me to figure out (which is kind of messed up when you think about it.) I don't have a background in anatomy and muscle function, so being able to research all of that and figure it out was very cool. And with regards to the workouts I have been able to do, I am still gaining strength, which is fun. It's been almost two months now, but I am starting to see some gains. I've put on about 5 lbs too. All I really care about though is the strength, and not getting injured--the gains will happen if I keep progressing in both ways. Therapy tomorrow. New habit will be no laptop while eating at the table.

Day 230 No VG - 230 days, journaling - 4 days left, no sports news - 45 days, NF - 10 days, SOB - 11 days, NNO59 - 17 days, NIA1030 - 11 days left Work's been busy--made me feel sick. Got to the gym again today--made me feel better. Going to bed now. Dishes are piling up a bit but so is my sleep debt. I can take care of some in the morning and some in the evening. I have to go out tomorrow night for a while to see a friend's show. Should be fun. Kept all my habits today as well. NoFap was difficult.

Thanks, @Erik2.0, and all very sound advice. The gym has been helping on days when I go. At some point I will need to redevelop a meditation habit. It's been a while. Day 229 No VG - 229 days, journaling - 5 days left, no sports news - 44 days, NF - 9 days, SOB - 10 days, NNO59 - 16 days, NIA1030 - 12 days left Small amendment to no internet after 1030, journaling is considered acceptable. I don't want the two habits competing against one another should I get home late like today. I also wouldn't want to influence my decisions on whether or not I go to the gym. Today was much calmer, but still a slog. Caught some breaks today. Hit the gym after. I could live there if my body would tolerate it. It's really starting to get addictive, FINALLY! I just need to make sure I do it right this time and stay injury free. I also had a fun incident today where I sheared off the rubber on one of my windshield wipers since I didn't get all the ice off. I got a new one after work and spent about an hour figuring out how to remove the old one (not OEM!) and 2 minutes to install the new one. I'm just happy I learned something new and that no one offered to help and destroy my manhood!!! (Just kidding...) Stressing a little bit over the internet curfew. It did definitely influence ,my decision to do this last. I may need to tweak some more after this week or next. We shall see if the positive changes are there.

Yeah man, just go for it. I have some good news for you--you won't die if you do! I was 26 last year when I started too. I sucked big time when I started since I was so trapped in my head and so self-conscious. I nearly quit this past spring since I felt was struggling mightily with one of the classes I was taking, coupled with all the stress of giving up games at the same time. However, I stuck with it, and I'm starting to learn to enjoy the progression more than the results themselves. As long as I keep improving, it's worth it. And that's awesome you're thinking of taking singing classes too! That sounds like a lot of fun. Out of curiosity, what is it about acting and singing you like in particular?

AHHHHH! That's amazing...you actually did it! Now I don't feel quite as weird , haha.

I'm 100% stealing this quote. Damn that's powerful and true. You don't have to apologize for posting a lot. It's your journal--you can write as much or as little as you want. You're trying to fix yourself just like everyone else here, and you're going to have to do whatever it is that'll do that. And on that note, your journal is definitely inspiring. You've been through a lot of stress this year, yet you haven't caved on gaming in over a year, and you keep trying to get things right no matter what. And on top of that, you consistently go out of your way to help others on this forum. You're doing a heck of a job. You'll get to where you want to be eventually.

This may sound really freaking dumb and dorky, but I literally practiced getting out of bed, and it's seemed to work well (especially when coupled with journaling, for me at least). When I got back into the habit, I would set an alarm which would go off in a minute, get into bed, fake sleep, hear the alarm, get up right away, turn it off, and walk to the bathroom. I would then do this seven times in a row to set that new habit loop with the new cue. Before, I used to set four alarms and would be liable to stay in bed for up to an hour. Now, I have just one alarm, and I'm up within ten minutes. Also, it's cool to see what you wrote about your haircut. It feels true. The better I've felt about myself, my haircuts similarly improved. It's weird, but it's true. If you take a look at bodybuilding transformations too, you see a lot of that--unkempt hair and fat/skinny one photo, ripped and well groomed in the next.

Hi again! Yeah, it will be if it pans out. Even if I get paid once, I can say now and forever that I am a paid comedian, haha. Bodybuilding really is awesome! I should've started along time ago instead of playing the sports I did. If you're still dealing with your back and don't know what's going on, I find the videos from Upright Health really intriguing. I'm using the stuff I learned there to really begin experimenting with my back and understanding my joint and muscle dysfunctions. Have you found anything that's worked well for your back in particular? I'm a huge introvert too--this was way out of my comfort zone, but I'm glad I did it. That's kind of the point with quitting video games. You can message directly too. In forum, if you quote someone or use the @, like @Erik2.0, you'll get a notification. You can also DM by hovering over the person's icon, and hitting message.

Day 228 No VG - 228 days, journaling - 6 days left, no sports news - 43 days, NF - 8 days, SOB - 9 days, NNO59 - 15 days, No Internet after 1030 - 13 days left Today I learned being the best engineer isn't worth shit. I have a lot of emotions right now. Today was supremely tumultuous. 11 AM I get an email that we had a stock out for a part that was my responsibility. On my plate for a few months, but had to backburner somewhat. I could've managed it better. Ironically, I had reached out to a new vendor to supply this part last week, but due to company policies, this is a slow process to bring in a new vendor. I scramble, cursing myself the whole way. I get supremely lucky. The part is in stock. I get even luckier. The original info I got was that we were one or two parts short. We scavenged from another piece of equipment--we had exactly what we needed. The part itself is small and almost insignificant. My actions for that small and usually insignificant part nearly caused a catastrophic failure which would've impacted thousands of lives. At this point, I'm really hopped up, so I go to my car, meditate for a little bit, and for the first time since starting this job, search for a new position in earnest. Skip forward to 3 PM. One-on-one with my boss. Basically a yearly performance review. His thoughts--within a year, I was already his best performing engineer. I felt several things, generally and in this order, over the span of about 30 seconds: shock, disbelief, severe disbelief, accomplishment, anger, tiredness, emptiness. The emptiness is probably the most important one. I was really touched by his words, but at the same time, I felt like shit. I told him so, "Wow, I feel like the worst engineer...I actually feel like shit right now." I was in shock because I work with some bright people who are way more organized than I am. I was in disbelief because I thought there were at least a few engineers ahead of me. I was in severe disbelief since I had a goal to be in the top 25% of my group within two years. I felt a brief feeling of accomplishment for obvious reasons. I felt anger because the accomplishment didn't feel that good, and all the pain I suffered didn't feel worth it (notwithstanding purpose and the benefits for other's to doing this work, and not withstanding whether my primary motivations are for me or for others, and which is the appropriate order for me). Tiredness because everything has been a complete battle, not just at work but really in life this year. Emptiness because I realize I can't continue like this, and for the effort I put in, the corresponding results seem multiples below what it could, or should?, be. The meeting ends on this note. Immediately after, I had another meeting. I don't know if I can say anything about this meeting. All I can say is it stressed me the hell out and I'm scared now. The meeting wasn't disciplinary at all, if anyone's wondering. That's really all I can say God forbid my company reads this. I spent the past year worried I'd get fired. Worried I'd fail again. Worried I couldn't be the thing I studied four years and spent tons of my parent's money on. Now I'm on top, and then what? If I'm lucky, I get a nice bonus or a half percent more on a raise next year? Fuck it. The societal good/benefit:stress/effort ratio is way off. If I'm gonna destroy myself, I better save a lot of people for it. There has got to be a better way. There has got to be a way where I can do a similar line of work, feeling energized to go to work, not feeling like I'm constantly going to fail or failing, where I can feel effective in my job, that creates significant benefit for many people. And even for the present moment, there has GOT to be a better way of making this job work, and there has GOT to be a better way to tailor my attitude to my employment. I needed to get that off my chest. For the time being, I'm going to keep continuing forward with my newly hatched plan. Fix my current job and figure out how I can get out of this mess and really start having that outsize impact without all of this fucking stress. Ya know, I said at the beginning of this year, I wanted to take on more responsibility (thanks Jordan). I knew it was going to be a battle, and I knew there were going to be some growing pains trying to become more man than man-child. Geez, I didn't think it was going to be this hard. What's up, real world?

@Alexanderle. Yeah, when I restarted about a month ago, I did two every two weeks, and recently I've just been adding one every two weeks since I've been struggling with NoFap. Every two weeks because that's how often I see my therapist, and I use the habit as a promise to him, that I will keep it over the next two weeks. Overall, this has worked out well. It's slow going at the start, but over time the benefits start to compound. I find it easier this way too as too many changes all at once can be a lot to adapt to, and it is easier for me to focus on the problems that arise in my life by taking on that new habit. Otherwise it's hard to pinpoint which problem applies to which habit which requires a given solution. And thanks about the back, I'm working through it. I'll figure it out. Day 227 No VG - 227 days, journaling - let's go for another 7 days, no sports news - 42 days, NF - 7 days!!!, SOB - 8 days, NNO59 - 14 days!!!, No Internet after 1030 - 14 days Geez I'm beat. Was at work for nearly twelve hours today and I had therapy afterwards. And I had to cook dinner. And I need to do dishes. Bleh. Main topic at therapy today was how I look towards others for my self-worth and self-esteem rather than...well...myself. Thinking about it some more, I don't think that finding validation in external things is necessarily bad. It's feedback of sorts and it's important. I think it's a problem when too much identity and self-esteem is rooted in other interactions with people. There's a spectrum between being reliant on others to feel good, to being a grounded and integrated person, to not caring so much about others that one becomes anti-social. In my case, I think I'm going to attack this from both ends (doing things that provides validation, and becoming more comfortable with myself) and hope at least one of the two works. New habit is going to be no internet after 1030 (originally said 10 to my therapist, and then I panicked after I walked out, haha.) The exceptions to this will be work, and music/podcasts from my phone. That's it. This will help continue to get me to bed earlier, which will get me more sleep, which will make me more stable, which will make me more able to handle life's problems, which will raise my self-esteem. I've done much better this year with respect to this anyway. When I got back to Game Quitters, I was probably staying up to 2 on a work night at least once every week to two weeks. During this past streak, I've very seldom done so, maybe once every few months. Right now my bed time is more around 1130-12, rather than 1030 like it should be. I'm shorting myself a few hours every day which leaves me functional during the week, but really tired come Friday. Finally, my back is in a lot of pain now. I'm going to do some more research, stretch, and then go to bed. Forget dishes.

Day 226 No VG - 226 days, journaling - 1 day left, no sports news - 41 days, NF - 6 days, SOB - 7 days, NNO59 - 1 days left (miscounted lol) Show last night went pretty well. We are really gelling as a team and we are definitely progressing as performers. Woke up and did some more research on my back. It feels freaking terrible right now. Yesterday's mobility workout made everything way worse in addition to the leg workout last week. In a way that's good though since my back felt pretty good around Thanksgiving, it means that likely its a muscular issue. I just need to start experimenting more to figure out what's going on. I'm thinking it might be my quads, causing excessive anterior pelvic tilt (confirmed), which caused my hamstrings to tighten (confirmed), which in addition to my weak glutes and hamstrings (at least relative to quads, confirmed), is causing my back to rotate and compress one of the discs that I have which is a little narrower. I think for now, I'm going to limit lifting that targets the quads and just focus on stretching for two weeks and see what happens. I'll continue to strengthen calves, glutes, and hamstrings in the meanwhile. Did upper body at the gym today, so no real discomfort or concerns. I'm getting bigger, which is nice. Improv practice was okay. Afterwards, we had a business meeting of sorts with a promoter who wants to start a comedy show with improv in it. I have mixed feelings about everything, but it's a good opportunity. I think I'm beginning to consider comedy more seriously as a hobby as a result of this. At the present moment, I'm stressed since I have to be at work at 5:30 tomorrow morning, and I have to manage a contractor and another major project at the same time. I really hate all the stress. It makes me feel ill. I'm going to just have an honest talk with my boss on Tuesday. I'm really not in good shape right now, but there's not much I can do to change the present situation overnight. I just need to keep making little changes and trust the process that I can do this. I'll figure it out eventually. Also, new habit tomorrow! I'm excited!

Great job! I remember you were so close a while ago. It's great to see you finally hit that milestone!

Day 225 No VG - 225 days, journaling - 2 days left, no sports news - 40 days, NF - 5 days, SOB - 6 days, NNO - 4 days left Got to the gym today. Cleaned up around the house. Took a nap as my body feels like garbage, especially my lower back. Did a lot of research into postural correction since my shoulders, back, and hips are out of whack. I have an improv show tonight as well. So that should be fun. Side note, the gym is becoming my mental refuge.

Gotcha @Ikar. My neuroticism is a blessing and a curse, haha. Day 224 No VG - 224 days, journaling - 3 days left, no sports news - 39 days, NF - 4 days, SOB - 5 days, NNO59 -5 days left Kept all my habits today and made it to the gym despite being completely sleep deprived and gassed. I just need sleep tonight. I abused myself good this week.

Glad to see you back. I think we were all a bit worried there. You already know what you need to do. Good luck.

@Ikar, interesting take. It's definitely #1 right now since there's not a close number #2 to hang my self-esteem on. Things are getting better with respect to that--socially, hobbies, health?--and really that's been taking place slowly over the past seven months. And to say there are no benefits wouldn't be true. My current job, though stressful, got me off of night shift; pays me a healthy salary and benefits which goes directly to my future and funding things like improv, going to the gym, improving my wardrobe, etc.; lets me use my skills to advance the state of the art in medicine; and provides me the chance to be more responsible and solve problems. I think it would be fair to say I have too much of my self-esteem and identity wrapped up in this right now. The peak of this was over the summer, and I think overall it's been trending downward, but this is the shitty time of year for all engineers where I work, so I'm in the thick of it right now. Hopefully, by February, things will be better. I also need to give it a fair shake of getting myself in order first, which I don't think I am. That said, I am entertaining other opportunities ? Day 223 No VG - 223 days, journaling - 4 days left, no sports news - 38 days, NF - 3 days, SOB - 4 days, NNO59 -6 days left Work busy. Blah blah blah. I think I'm doing a slightly better job managing my big project right now. Kept all my habits today. Got to the gym. Had to be careful with a neck tweak, but I was able to do 80% of my workout, and the other bit I just modified and did other stuff. I did sit in the parking lot reading news before I went in since I knew I was not getting out until after 9. I was literally searching for ANYTHING. In reality, I scan two sites for headlines, and then there's some itch that I can't finish scratching. To be honest, I don't think I really give much of a damn about the news, but I need it to feel even-keeled. Super tired and have to get to work early tomorrow. Going to bed a little late. Oops.