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Mettermrck

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Everything posted by Mettermrck

  1. You're doing great, eshi. I may not be able to post on your journal every day in the next couple weeks but I'm pulling for you!
  2. Thanks @giblets. I believe it. My vices seem to be instant gratification....soda/fast food, gaming, porn. All three were giving me quick fixes of dopamine. I once told my therapist that gaming was like a sporadic rifle fire of dopamine...soda/fast food was heavy artillery....and porn was the atom bomb. ? Day 85/90. Whew the treadmill kicked my butt today. It felt great but maybe I'm finally catching up to my body in intensity. I love it though. Never stop! Not much else going on. I'm still waiting to see what happens with the family and my uncle. I'm listening to that podcast giblets posted and I'm glad I did. I think had forgotten how much gaming could kill my productivity and kill my motivation to do anything...work or spend time with others. I'd jokingly refer to gaming as the "junior" addiction in my trifecta and in some sense it wasn't as powerful and destructive as the porn and food/soda. But I shouldn't kid myself. It had a power all its own. Gratitude 1. The gym and feeling pleasantly tired 2. Still buying smaller clothes 3. Working on my project
  3. I've heard people call the moment you wake up the "heroic moment"...do you get up and get going or do you hit snooze? I believe this. ?
  4. I'm downloading this podcast now actually but I believe it. It's hard to put an effort into a job when gaming awaits. I used to go in late and sneak out early to maximize my gaming time.
  5. Day 84/90. Still dealing with family stuff. My uncle isn't doing too well so I may have to travel. I need to reach out and visit my family more, not just in the bad times. That's actually one of the life goals I have laid out for myself, for better relationships. It's strange that as I approach the 90 days, I don't feel any real sense of triumph or accomplishment. Rather, I feel cautious in the knowledge that this is just the beginning. I don't collect a prize and go home. I do gain valuable insights but I have to put them to use. I've noticed in the journals of other long time detoxers, notably @giblets and @Moe Smith, that their struggles haven't truly ended either. Will it be a lifetime of eternal vigilance? Of moving on to other stuff so good that you don't spare a thought for gaming anymore? It's something I've been pondering as I get closer to 90. Gratitude 1. Glad to have a job to give me means and opportunities 2. Family, even in tough times I'm not alone 3. Hope for the future
  6. Mettermrck

    Day 6!

    I'm proud of you for deleting your account. I know that must've been very hard to do.
  7. I'm glad you overcame the gaming bout, giblets. I feel like I just did the same thing. I had a friend telling me that moderation was no problem, use it as a reward, etc etc etc. As soon as I started thinking about it I was browsing what games to play, what mods to install. Even without actually gaming I could see my time getting sucked away. Maybe not actual gaming time but a lot of free time and mental energy was being swallowed up by the.....very thought!....of gaming again. Finally, last night I was able to lay down that urge and walk away again in my heart. I have a feeling this won't be the last battle for either of us over the years. Great job!
  8. Just a heads up, all, my next couple of weeks will be busy in the evenings as I help with some family issues so while I will be continuing my journal, I might not be able to post on other journals as much as I'd like. So don't get worried or bothered if I miss your journal. I'm still chugging along! ? Day 83/90 We're being scraped by tropical weather here at the beach so it's a gloomy day of weather. I had to postpone my appt with my counselor as a result. I understand but I hate to miss it. I like being able to talk with my counselor. Next week, hopefully. Gaming cravings have declined. Maybe they've given up for now after I resisted them but I'll need to be strong going into my last week. I've started converting my meditation times into short peaceful walks outside. I've noticed that I respond better when I'm moving and when I'm outdoors versus a traditional sitting meditation. It helps get me away from being cooped up inside and helps me clear my head. I don't walk fast and I don't work up a sweat. It's just a relaxing walk. Gratitude 1. Going to the gym as always 2. Nice peaceful walks 3. A good job
  9. It's great to reconnect with old friends! That was one of the best things that happened at the beginning of my detox.
  10. I had people write notes in my high school yearbook warning me not to have a breakdown. I laughed at the time. Not anymore. ?
  11. The gym rocks! I'm glad you were able to go.
  12. Congrats on a game free week! ?
  13. It's good that you're aware of that. Do you know anybody at these parties or is it a lot of strangers?
  14. Luck, Vlad! You're doing awesome....?
  15. I think the daily entries are a good way to stick to a commitment and develop discipline. Don't be afraid to post a couple of sentences if there's just nothing to say. A lot of the socially awkward stuff is in our heads. ?
  16. Moe! Great to see you again. I can completely understand your decision to go for moderation. As I approach the end of my detox, it's really been on my mind lately. I'm glad you're waiting until the 90 days are up before doing so and I hope you'll keep posting about how it works out for you.
  17. @Hitaru.Absolutely right, I can't go back. I do have goals and timetables that I drew up after reading The Slight Edge and listening to Cam talk about having a vision. I need to keep reviewing those every day and stick with them. Day 82/90 Tired right now. Sunday is the day I up the intensity on the treadmill at the gym so I tired myself out nicely. But it's a very good feeling and I love it. I feel like I've escaped the rabbit hole trap of considering gaming. Even just the thought of it opened the floodgates to all the old feelings, good and bad. Much of it was bad. Things like recreating a Steam wish list, budgeting money to buy games, installing, modding, time limits. It was exhausting just thinking about it! Then there's one of my friends who games. And yesterday he mentions being up to 5am with his wife and some of their close online friends playing Overwatch. Is that what I want? No. I don't begrudge him what he has and I think it's great he has a gaming wife and friends. But he's also mentioned being frustrated with being sedentary, him and his wife being lazy, putting on weight, and being tired. That is definitely not what I want. I was never a multiplayer person. But I was easily sedentary, lazy, overweight, and tired as a single player gamer. And those are the things I'm fighting against now at the gym and in what I eat. So nope, not going to give in. Not going to...turn back time....*glances at @giblets* ? Gratitude 1. A gym to get exhausted at 2. Friends to encourage me and provide support 3. My job
  18. Sounds some like good plans, Happy Cat! Get some rest. ?
  19. I love Duolingo. I'm quickly remembering all of the German I've forgotten since school.
  20. Oh yes the mind will find many ways to bring up gaming when you least expect it. Just bw aware! ?
  21. You have a nice set of cars. It's amazing what you can afford when you quit gaming....?
  22. I hope you feel pride for going to the class. You'll improve from here!
  23. Have you noticed any differences in your brain chemistry so far, eshi?
  24. One day at a time, one moment at a time. That's how I battle...otherwise, contemplating too far ahead would overwhelm me.
  25. You're out there doing it, improving your business. And like you said, you're not escaping into dream worlds. So be proud of that! ?
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