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30_yrs_of_gaming

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Posts posted by 30_yrs_of_gaming

  1. I wanted to commend you on such a high undertaking considering the other members of your household are not currently having the same values. It is very loving that you hope to bring them along somehow. My heart is warmed about this. I have been alone for almost 3 months and only started my 90 day detox 2 weeks ago. Each day is a small victory to hold in regard. Be strong. Keep up the good work.

  2. There's nothing wrong with the nostalgia for an old game you loved like Chrono Trigger. I think the thing to do is to place it and leave it. That was a good memory. You are making new memories now. 5 years from now, you can still have the Chrono Trigger memories AND 5 years of non-gaming memories that will be COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. You can keep up the good work. Be strong. 

  3. Hey, there. It's always disappointing not reaching a goal, but you started again. That is a good thing. You CAN whip this. I would recommend drawing some inspiration daily through reading the journals of others in the forum too. Best wishes. Be strong.

  4. Day 14 - @Ikar, @Splitstep, @DaBest, @NannerZ, @George Wyatt, and others... Thank you for all the support and encouraging words. I really mean it. 

    Spent several hours on the phone today. Got some counseling. Helped field some confusion for a friend. Had a surprise person pry into my personal troubles. Had mixed feelings about it. Unsettling. My baloney detector is on high alert, I suppose. Did the gun maintenance bit with a neighbor. Diversion. Helpful. Had a call out for work. Several actually. 

    Made a steak for myself in celebration of another solo week behind me. Ordered flowers for the Mrs for Mother's Day. 

    No gaming. Going to watch a movie this evening and crash out. Frazzled.

    • Like 2
  5. Day 13 - Sigh... Had such a great conversation with my wife yesterday until the very end. Money issues. We have enough. The bills are paid. Be content. She's not.

    Then she said some very hurtful things that I don't know that I could repeat to anyone except vaguely. Cut me to my core. Comparing me to past lovers and calling me names. Toxic.

    I laid awake until 5am after that. Was late for work because of it. She enjoys punishing me and because I love her, I try to win her back. Then I get beat down once again.

    Gaming cravings were so hard today. Co-workers were playing PUBG winding down for the weekend. I came home to my empty place and couldn't stand it so I went to a restaurant to be around people. Talked with a neighbor who invited me to help work on some guns he is restoring tomorrow. Nice.

    Prayed with another neighbor down the street from me. Her daughter was playing in my yard with some other children. She has been having trouble and when I asked her if she was okay, she started sobbing crying. I hugged her and we prayed. I tried to give her some positive words and she seemed to cheer up a little. Had one call out for work. Talked with my children on the phone. Wanted to game badly as I am tired and heartbroken.

    No gaming. Cravings insane. Emotionally shattered. Recovering from heavy exercise yesterday. Eating well. Exhausted. Ready to go to sleep.

    • Like 4
  6. 9 hours ago, Sapuverell said:

    I find myself staring at girls and I don't like it at all. What should I do?

    It's one thing to acknowledge and notice beauty. That's healthy. It is another thing to engage in lustful thinking. That's depreciating.

    It may take a while to make progress in this area because your mind will want to replay what you have been feeding it in the past. It is said that images actually take up more space in the brain as opposed to words. It will require consistent time and effort to replace that space in your mind.

    I have been separated from my spouse for over 2 months. We have always been fulfilled in the bedroom so the physical loneliness during our separation has been especially difficult after over 13 years of marriage. I will confess that I have to obtain some release once a week at a minimum, but to curb my cravings I practice 3 things:

    1.) Cold showers - It's miserable, but also extremely invigorating and I always have my energies redirected afterwards.

    2.) Working out - Some days I run the treadmill for about 45 mins. Other days I use weight training. The disciplined time gives me more power to resist temptations.

    3.) Time outdoors - It sounds simplistic, but leave the devices inside and go for a walk. Take a hike in the woods, stroll at a local park, or walk beside a body of water. It helps free the mind.

    Know that you are not alone in this struggle and that you CAN obtain the mastery you seek. Be strong. Keep up the good work.

    • Like 2
  7. I am also finding a great need to continually feed my mind with learning now that I'm no longer gaming. Days when cravings are stronger, it seems that jogging or lifting weights helps me to shift my energies afterwards into something intellectually constructive. Jocko says, "Discipline equals freedom." 

  8. On ‎5‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 5:26 PM, DaBest said:

    Also, random thought, I am far too hard on myself sometimes and need to start thinking of myself as a more valuable person, and creating evidence for that.

    I agree. I noticed that in some of your other posts. You don't gain a thing by expending energy over putting yourself down. The key lies in the part about creating evidence of your value by how you channel your energies. Some days you will just not have much motivation and feel sluggish. That's okay. Stick to reasonable achievable goals on those days. I only responded because I am also trying to break a habit of self depreciating attitudes and words. Thankfully, some neighbors have been helping me see that I am in charge of how I view myself. Most people won't share your overly critical self views and can only abide so much of it. Hope this helps. Keep up the good work. Be strong. ?

    • Like 1
  9. @TimetoWalkAway, absolutely. I'm willing to take all the help that I can get. Go ahead and send the videos. ? Thanks so much!

    Day 12 - Wow. Cravings today. Why? Well, I got super bogged down by adding 4 college classes to my life during this separation and transitional time. I completed and passed 2 very important classes that are job related. The other 2 I just dropped because they were so hard and I fell so far behind this past month in my loneliness. Who places someone for Pre-Calculus when they haven't had a math class in almost 20 years!? Hahaha! The class was titled "Basic College Algebra". What a hoot! I also dropped the Academic Writing. I did fairly well, but couldn't seem to focus enough to pull together my final 12 page paper with academic sources. With packing and full-time work along with being on call most of the time, I just couldn't finish those 2 courses. It's not a total loss. I know much better where I am at now concerning furthering my education. 

    Listened to an audio book on marriage some today. It's called "Boundaries in Marriage". Excellent. Also worked out at the shop. Cardio and weights. Talked with my wife again and it seems we have two-way communication restored though however fragile it may seem. I asked her about my gaming habits and she says it was only a small part of the overall picture. She says she doesn't mind so much, but it did get out of hand. She's having the kids put their devices away for the summer. I hope she follows through.

    No gaming. Cravings moderate. Doing other things. 

    • Like 4
  10. Day 11 - Had a 2 hour conversation with my wife today after work. We talked about some good things. Mostly projected yard work towards some garden projects she loves. She was happy I will be helping. Also had prayer with a distant friend that helped give some very wise counsel.

    No gaming. Talked to some gaming friends. No cravings.

  11. Hey, good job on getting to the one month mark. I too have been losing people and things as a result of not winning in life. Those losses are on me and in part due to retreating into games instead of channeling my energy in a better way. I've been given no hope at reconciliation, "but with or without her"... as you said, "I will come out of this battle a better person." 

    Thank you for sharing your heart here. You helped me tonight. Take care and stay on course!

    • Like 1
  12. I will check out the book called Atomic Habits. This is the second time I have seen it as recommended. Good job on finishing your second day. It may sound lame, but you have to look at each day as a personal achievement and not despise the smallest advances. I am 10 days in the clear and will keep going. I will try to check in again during your journey. 

    Stay strong!

  13. Day 10 - Have tried again to sit and finish some math homework the last two nights. I can't focus. My family situation remains uncertain with no encouragement for reconciliation from my spouse. I'm seeing the family in about a week and am sort of a nervous wreck about it all. I'm going to try again with the math after journaling. Basic College Algebra is really Pre-Calculus. What was I thinking? I haven't had a math class in almost 20 years. Hahaha! The writing class isn't so bad, but a 12 page essay with academic sources? I can hardly put together anything except thinly threaded rabbit trails.

    Yesterday, I did workout my upper body and today, I ran the treadmill for about 45 mins. I have been reading instead of gaming. I miss my online friends and the isolation from my family isn't making that easier. Sleeping on the couch now because sleeping in bed makes me miss my wife.

    No gaming. Mild cravings. A friend is trying to get an achievement and would like my help. Sigh. Played my guitar until my fingers hurt.

  14. Day 8 - Lazy day. I did begin working on some math homework. Seemed to get bogged down after an hour. Been watching about bunch of self-help, inspirational, and educational videos on YouTube today. Cooked myself a steak. My first meaty meal in a few weeks actually. My sexual drives have been higher this week without gaming. That is noteworthy. Since I am without my spouse though, this is especially frustrating. She did answer the phone for a few moments, but she was on an outing with friends and it was loud. Not conducive to any constructive relational type of workings out. A friend sent a video on managing food in relation to lifting weights in order to obtain the best results. Helpful, but also very technical it seems. A neighbor that knows I'm living alone said they are coming to check on me in about an hour. I will tackle homework again afterwards. Go run the treadmill so I might sleep tonight. Do some reading.

    No gaming. Cravings today. This is the first day the cravings have tried to kick my butt. Ready for work at the shop tomorrow.