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Road to Finding New Passions!


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Hello! Thanks for coming!

Brief Backstory

I feel like most of us have a very similar foundation for why we want to quit gaming: wanting to improve our lives. The same goes here. Been gaming since first grade and didn't think about stopping until my high school counsellor told me I might not be able to graduate because I wouldn't be able to finish my credits in time. I'm now about to graduate college and realised all the potential and effort that I spent playing video games which should have been put anywhere else. I had a lot of gamer friends, but most of them were never real friends. Many of them were bullies, deeply insecure people who would put me and other friends down because of their own issues. I'm happy to have left them behind. So now, I've sold my PC, ditched the poor influences and bullies, and ready to have fun IRL.

Realisation

I came to realise that I lacked a lot of development over the years because of my addiction. I had a lot of trauma from growing up which I never processed and they manifested in the form of anxiety, depression and a lack of trust. I occasionally have volatile thinking as a result of my poor thinking habits. I didn't actually understand I was using video games to escape these feelings until I quit. 

First Few Days

I think I quit gaming 2-3 days ago. I sold my PC and bought a Macbook Air M1. I actually have money left over from that switch (Praise BTC) which is great to start another hobby with! I love MacOS and being a nerd I've learned a lot of its quirks and features. Still have a lot of parts to sell, I'm thinking about turning my old PC case into a green box of plants and dirt. I'm still finishing exams right now as well.

Overall, I've felt on top of game in a way that I haven't for years. My thinking is clear, I can actually achieve my goals! I have done so much work that I have put off. I managed to finally do the laundry, I've ran everyday (except today) and gotten other tasks done as well. My sleeping schedule has fixed itself, when the clock hits around 11pm, I get tired. This has never happened before, I used to do all this research about insomnia and sleep, but quit gaming has helped me more than anything. My mind is clearer because I'm not focusing on some nonsense task in the back of my mind in a video game. 

When I watch a documentary now, I feel more connected. I used to watch and think, wow these people are superheroes, I could never be whatever job, characteristic, etc. Now when I watch a documentary, I feel truly inspired, like "Hey I could do that, I have so much time now!"

Feeling so great lately. Huge boulder has lifted from my back.

Another thing I want to do is to leave this discord server I'm in. No one in there is really a "friend", I think I'll slowly phase out of there because I don't want to cause drama or questions. Also it seems like the more polite thing to do. 

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Hey there!

I'm glad to hear so much has been going so well for you already! I remember feeling really similar the first time I severely cut back on gaming, seeing clearer, having a whole new perspective on how time I have and what I want to do with it, and finally getting to damn sleep haha.

What documentary(s) have you watched since quiting?

On your realization: I also came to a very similar realization, though I didn't really face it until years after I first stepped away from gaming. Definitely recommend talking to a therapist if you're able to - it's so incredibly helpful to have someone be able to listen to you and then ask questions that you'd never think of to steer you into areas that you might have mentally blockaded or don't quite know how to work through on your own + having someone that both keeps you accountable and gives you meaningful feedback. Either way, one of the best pieces of advice that sticks with me my therapist gave me is to be kind to yourself, the sort of way a parent might to their child, when working through that trauma. It's all too easy to criticize yourself and compare yourself to others, but it'll be so much smoother of a process to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, be forgiving, and just take your time.

Hope the good feelings keep flowing, and best of luck on your exams!

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17 hours ago, WeSufferToSurvive said:

Hey there!

I'm glad to hear so much has been going so well for you already! I remember feeling really similar the first time I severely cut back on gaming, seeing clearer, having a whole new perspective on how time I have and what I want to do with it, and finally getting to damn sleep haha.

What documentary(s) have you watched since quiting?

On your realization: I also came to a very similar realization, though I didn't really face it until years after I first stepped away from gaming. Definitely recommend talking to a therapist if you're able to - it's so incredibly helpful to have someone be able to listen to you and then ask questions that you'd never think of to steer you into areas that you might have mentally blockaded or don't quite know how to work through on your own + having someone that both keeps you accountable and gives you meaningful feedback. Either way, one of the best pieces of advice that sticks with me my therapist gave me is to be kind to yourself, the sort of way a parent might to their child, when working through that trauma. It's all too easy to criticize yourself and compare yourself to others, but it'll be so much smoother of a process to give yourself the benefit of the doubt, be forgiving, and just take your time.

Hope the good feelings keep flowing, and best of luck on your exams!

Hey! Thanks for posting to the journal, I really appreciate it! Also happy to hear that you are sleeping better and seeing life more clearly.

I've watched Icarus, which was about a Russian WADA lab director and the Russian state assisting athletes in cheating doping tests. It was cool to see people so passionate about biking as well as how eccentric the lab director was as a person. I really recommend it! 

I definitely will take that advice to heart. It's hard to practice it because of the relatively poor emotional upbringing I had, but I try my best everyday and that counts for a lot. I've seen therapists before, but I think this time I'm going to help myself and see how that goes. The therapists that I've had have often been unhelpful and feeling more like a broken clock twice a day type thing. I have a better time understanding myself than a therapist does I usually find. I prefer to read CBT resources  and other stuff and see how/if I can apply it to my life these days. I find the results to be more consistent (also much less expensive!).

Journal Update #2

I think this is day 4, so I'll just keep counting from here. My sense of time has gotten a lot better. Part of that is because I'm so much more mentally invested in my IRL activities. I have been feeling a sense of focus which I haven't felt in a long time. For the first time in a while, I actually feel collected and calm when doing things that aren't gaming. I still feel anxious and negative emotions, but the positive ones are coming out a lot more. 

Today I cooked a nice dinner for my girlfriend and baked bread for the first time by myself. It tasted really good and I'll be doing it more in the future! I even get to save a few dollars on bread, which comes to about... $8 a month? Haha it's not much, but I'll take it. Worked out in the morning as well. Taking it one step at a time, but I like the direction my life is going, which I couldn't say a week ago. Returned all of my gaming hardware that I could to Amazon and sold a lot more of my stuff! I have a big test on Friday and I haven't studied. 

A really important insight that I arrived at today on why I constantly felt anxious. When I was playing games all the time or thinking about video games, it began like a huge part of my identity. My only other identity that I was attached to was a student/worker. Outside of school/work I didn't invest mentally into a lot. I had my girlfriend and friends, but that's a different sort of investment and "identity". So if I failed or had a tough assignment ahead, I had a lot on the line. If I didn't do as well in school/work, I was only a gamer - and that's not really a lot to have for backup. 

However, with this big test coming up Friday, I don't feel as worried. Even if I fail this course, which could possibly happen, I know that I have a lot I can do. I can still enjoy baking, I can still learn how to cook more stuff, I can still work part-time. I am no longer just a gamer and student/worker. I feel finally a bit more mature about how I see myself. 

 

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Day 5

Studied a while for a test tomorrow, feeling more confident about passing and getting university over with (thank god). Learning about setting boundaries and self-control in order to maintain a healthy environment and mindset. Looking at resources to edit my resume and applying for jobs. Learning to control my emotions and living with less fear and worries. Overall, very good progress today and still a lot left to do. Gotta for a walk, workout and buy the cat some kibbles!

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Day 6!

I totally shat the bed with the test, but that's fine because I'm still going to pass the course. My GPA won't really be effected one way or another. Just very happy to almost be done, I have the final exam coming up and I feel good enough to pass on that. Very much so just looking to finish this course and graduate. Same plan today, clean up more of my room, read this anthropology book that my former prof wrote and work out.

I want to add another goal which is quitting porn as well. I'm experiencing the usual symptoms that other people have reported so I think it best to stop altogether. Overall, I feel weird and gross afterwards. I've tried abstaining many times, but I've had no luck, would greatly appreciate any advice! 

Have a good one people!

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Hey, 

sorry you failed the test, it's good your GPA won't be impacted that much. I wish you luck on the final exam.

I fortunately never had an issue with porn, so unfortunately I can't give you much advice. What I can say though, is with any addiction you should know why you tend to those things, study your habits, and maybe your able to create a plan that will help you abstain from porn. 
 

With me never experiencing this, I hope this at least helped

Best

Jason 

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1 hour ago, Jason70 said:

Hey, 

sorry you failed the test, it's good your GPA won't be impacted that much. I wish you luck on the final exam.

I fortunately never had an issue with porn, so unfortunately I can't give you much advice. What I can say though, is with any addiction you should know why you tend to those things, study your habits, and maybe your able to create a plan that will help you abstain from porn. 
 

With me never experiencing this, I hope this at least helped

Best

Jason 

Hey thanks for replying to the journal!

I'm not sure if there is a trigger for porn. It's more or less whenever I'm at the desk. However, I will say that it does occur mostly when I'm bored or watching a show. Those tend to be my triggers, so I'll make sure to leave my desk when I get the urge or to spend less free time at the desk in general.

Thanks for pointing that out for me 🙂

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