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NEW VIDEO: 22 minute gaming addiction documentary

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Introduction

Hello, my name is Mario. I was a member of this community from 2016-2018 and stopped writing here because it distracted me from my life.

My main problems were online games like Dota2 and LOL. I use gaming as a distraction from negative feelings. I am good at focusing so this worked well at first. But over time it became an automatic pattern with bad consequences. It led to me failing at university and in my relationships. My gaming time at university was the worst in my life.

After I stopped playing games things got better. I finished university more or less successfully. After university, I found a good first tech-job. Recently I changed jobs into another way better-paid tech-job I enjoy. I also am a happy father of a 2,5-year-old and expect another son in the mid of July. Besides all the challenges a new child, a new job and live in general provides, everything went well.

But lately, I started to watch more WC3 footage on youtube. Then I watched hearthstone footage. Finally, I played Hearthstone instead of working. Immediately my world began to crumble. I started to dislike my work. I was stressed. My wife said I was absent and unfriendly. 

Then I pulled the trigger and told my wife about my slip and stopped gaming. This worked for a few days but then I had another setback, as I had a challenging time and couldn't resist dropping into Hearthstone again. I uninstalled it this Monday and am back on track.

Gamequitters worked for me in the past and that is why I will write here about stuff that challenges me and game-related urges for the next 90 days. I probably won't write on not working days. But we'll see how it turns out. Happy to be back. Thanks to all creators and contributors of this community.

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3 minutes ago, Erik2.0 said:

Welcome to the forums. I don't know how distracting it was for you to be on here. But, if it helps you stay off games it's probably good for you in moderation.

It just took a little too much time and I used it as a more positive evasion tactic for me not to have to feel current discomfort. Thats my thing. Evading bad stuff. Not so much the gaming addiction itself. Can do the same thing with watching stupid things. It was still essential to break the habit/addiction of gaming. Because if i am gaming I can basically stop thinking about anything else. So this is way worse then writing in a form or reading too muhc self-help 😉 

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6 Days

Free of games and game-related videos since 2020-06-01

Thank you all for your comments. I realize how much it helps to have a community of people around which are in a similar position. I also told my wife about going back to gamequitters so I don't have to sneak around doing it. I am thankful to have her in my life.

My 3-month parental leave will begin in July and this means there is a lot of work to do at work. Due to corona, I took also a lot of holiday days which makes me anxious about finishing my current work before I am off. I am scared to leave in a bad way because I think this job is great and I don't want to leave a bad impression. Especially since I am still a new member of the team. 

The other thing I am anxious about is the birth of my second son. Our first one is challenging we don't have a "village" to support us because we don't have the best relationship to my mother and all my friends don't have kids and don't understand how hard it can be with one and soon two children who need a lot of attention. 

I am learning to draw with pencils from books right now which is in theory a great hobby. It doesn't need a computer and I imagine myself drawing for my wife and my children. I read in a book about some executive who draws a picture every day for both his daughters and puts them in their lunch packet. I would love to have such a routine. But it's hard for me to take time for myself if I am needed that much in my family right now. And if I am honest I was a little demotivated because the process was slow. I think I will post some sketches here from time to time. But I need first come into the habit of journaling again before I can commit to anything.

I hope you all are doing well. I'll write to you soon.

 

 

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7 Days

Free of games and game-related videos since 2020-06-01

Todays highlight was a trip with my son to the nearby playground. My mobile battery was almost down so I couldn't read a lot, and *had* to enjoy the time with him. Was great.

A lot of worries about work though. It's hard for me to chill out. I should uninstall slack on my mobile again. 

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2020-06-08

Free of games and game-related videos since 2020-06-01

Today was a stressfull day so far. I have a lot of work to do and did argue with my wife this morning. Now after a bigger representation went reasonably well I feel a bit better but still have a lot of tension inside me. I felt the urge to go the youtube route and even started to watch a video (non-gaming related) but after some reflection I decided to write here instead. Another little project will be due on 15:30. It feels like my lack of timemanagement is setting myself under a lot of unnecessary pressure. Because I don't know what I will have done until a point in time, I have always the feeling I need to do more. Slack on my mobile isn't helping. It is a crutch around bad planning/communication to be available all the time for work. The goal should be to have everything settled in a way that you don't need to be available all the time.

After this realisation I deinstalled Slack. 

Writing helped a bit with the tension but no I need to, want to go to work again.

Thanks for reading.

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Always will be good days and bad days. 

I found completely avoiding game related media definitely helps prevents cravings.  It seems like it isn't the game itself that is the draw but being a part of a "community".  I disabled my twitch account and even through some streamers are great people and worthy of support I can't let myself go back there until I get the rest of my life in order.

 

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16 hours ago, ace_dee said:

Always will be good days and bad days. 

I found completely avoiding game related media definitely helps prevents cravings.  It seems like it isn't the game itself that is the draw but being a part of a "community".  I disabled my twitch account and even through some streamers are great people and worthy of support I can't let myself go back there until I get the rest of my life in order.

Don't looking at the same stuff helps wiht craving. I think in my case it's just a way to handle with bad feelings and its hard to change that habit of watching stuff (especially since I went without gaming for over 2 years before I "relapsed"). But that's why I write here for accounatabilty. Instead of entering the loop I watched as a short break from work someone building a loghouse in canada. Then I was able to come here instead. Still not optimal but better. I will get there again.

Thanks for your input.

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2020-06-09

Free of games and game-related videos since 2020-06-01

It sucks but I need introspection way more then I was aware of. I am glad to have a medium here to "think in writing". Today was another stress inducing morning. Work coupled with some private family issues forced me to stop working and I couldn't get into a focussed mode. Unable to deal with my feelings I again opened youtube and watched something to get some distance (nothing game related though). Now I am able to write about it which is good progress. But to get back in that mental state costed me half an hour of work time. 

I read a book about feelings. It says it is essential to "feel through" the feelings and that they have a message to sent you. I think I am sad and frightened about this family issues. Maybe I should be angry instead to fuel my motivation against it. But I am not often angry about stuff. In my childhood I always had to cry if I were really angry which led to mocking at school. I think I somehow surpressed this feeling. And now I can't use it in a productive way. Instead of getting angry about things I can change (and then changing them fueled by that motivation) I feel helpless, sad and scared. This doesn't lead to action and should be appropriate if I couldn't do anything about it. But to always believing you can't do anything keeps you helpless and doesn't change the situation. I can do something about this and I will! 

Thanks for reading. I am back to work.

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2020-06-10

Free of games and game-related videos since 2020-06-01

Right now I am procrastinating from work. That is why I thought I do this in a more productive way and write a quick entry here.

Today I am pretty energetic and had a good morning. I took actively care of my son and we had a good time. I was still able to shower and make breakfast + coffee. I think it helped that we were awake around 5:10 and I slept well. So I had a lot of time this morning (from 5:10 - 8:10) to generate a good start in the day for my family.

Work was a lot of communicating so far so now I need to sit down and produce something in a planned matter. I think the solution to my hesitation here is just to make a plan with times and stick to it if at all possible. I will also mute slack/outlook/etc for this time to get some work done.basically  2hours production mode.

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