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Learn it the hot way. [Day 90 COMPLETED]


chiliflavor

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Sweet Thor costume. I'm sorry to hear about your tooth. Hoping it heals up okay and gets treated. Going to the dentist is also something I dread too. It's often painful, but it's a necessary pain to go through to stay healthy. Money totally can be stressful. Try to take it easy on yourself. Do the best you can and let it be from there. That's about all you can do. I wish I'd gone straight into my Masters in psychology out of undergrad. I would've been so much better off financially if I did. But I know all I can do now is work at the job I have and slowly move toward progress. That's all I can do, so I do it and let go of the rest.

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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 65]
On 7/16/2020 at 2:23 AM, Erik2.0 said:

Sweet Thor costume. I'm sorry to hear about your tooth. Hoping it heals up okay and gets treated. Going to the dentist is also something I dread too. It's often painful, but it's a necessary pain to go through to stay healthy. Money totally can be stressful. Try to take it easy on yourself. Do the best you can and let it be from there. That's about all you can do. I wish I'd gone straight into my Masters in psychology out of undergrad. I would've been so much better off financially if I did. But I know all I can do now is work at the job I have and slowly move toward progress. That's all I can do, so I do it and let go of the rest.

Thanks, man! I almost forgot about letting go of things I can't control. It's one of my good traits anyway. 😂 Thanks for reminding!

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Remaining Days: 25 days (July 17, 2020 - Friday)

Quick Fact About Me:

Once, I had a long hair—almost at my elbow. Since I planned to be a rock star,  I did my best to pass the college entrance examination at a university that allows to have long-haired men. After graduating college, I never had a haircut to shorten my hair except when really needed to trim the split ends. 😅 In my third year of college, I attained what I've been dreaming for since I was in 6th grade, that is, to have a rock star look! Long-haired guy who always wear black garments with a cigarette on one hand and a drink on the other... Jeez, I miss college. 🤣Now, I agree with most of what people say: studying is the easiest thing to do. You just have to pass the subject—nothing more; Unless you're a working student, things would be quite difficult to juggle. While you're studying, (in most cases) you don't need to buy groceries, pay the water, electric and internet bills, clean the house, and all other stuff not related to studying. 😂

Feels Today:

  • I feel that I'm back on my feet. I needed a little break, like 5 days or so. 🤣
  • Finally, I've opened an account at eToro. This is one of the factors of my stress these days. I wanted to invest in the global market but I have limited fund only acquired from selling my account. So, either I buy the things I need or start investing. Clearly, I chose the latter—that money came from buy-and-selling crafting materials anyway😂

Daily Quest:

  • Well, today, we have a tutor session at 2pm. I'll just continue doing the exponent module. It's just so boring to do but I have to do it. Damn...
  • After that, I'll finish the presentation of our business which will be used for client's that will make an ocular visit. I'm kind of doubting about the "request a song instructions" that will be displayed on the TV. I need to make it more elegant. 
  • Tonight, I'll be skipping my daily routine of developing our business at night time. Instead, I'll study the plugins that will help me finish the website of my cousin. I haven't continued to develop their website since last week.

*I GOT TO FINISH THESE TASKS TODAY.

Quest Log:

  •  I wasn't able to do my pending tasks last Wednesday. Then, I stayed at my parents house most of the day, yesterday. I taught my siblings about computer components and "cloud" storage. Now, they're fixing their files. HAHA.

  • ✔️ I got the x-ray results for my teeth. Now, I'll find some good dentists to do the extraction of my wisdom😅

  • ✔️ workout and watered the plants


Incomplete Quest:
make images for the vlog (area of square), update google drive, guidelines for new normal in our event's place, bring the speakers to the technician

Picture Picture:
The upper leftmost tooth is the one that's broken and needed to be pulled out; and, the right one is impacted as well!! 😖 But as we can see, I think ALL of my wisdom tooth must be extracted. Oh boy... Look at those wisdom teeth at both ends at the bottom. Seriously, sideways? Haha. 😭😂
109127553_340915590257263_3758409531359930437_n.thumb.jpg.f0ceb46fce6516b89d115c6b6035acb0.jpg

How Can I Be Better?
Let go of the things and thoughts that stresses the hell out of me!

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Good morning! 😄

Til tomorrow,
Chiliflavor

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Oh man. Yeah wisdom teeth removal is a normal thing. I hope it's not too painful for you. I remember they took out four of my teeth and I don't remember it hurting too much. You're welcome. I'm glad I could remind you to let it go. That's a good quality to have.

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On 7/18/2020 at 12:04 AM, Erik2.0 said:

I remember they took out four of my teeth and I don't remember it hurting too much.

That's nice to hear! Haha. I hope it won't hurt too much for me as well. 😄 

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Remaining Days: 22 days (July 18-20, 2020 : Saturday - Monday)

Feels Today:

  • Bad news. I relapsed in smoking. I lied to my girlfriend that I didn't smoke. I really feel bad about it I can't throw my pack of cigarette. Embarrassed, disappointed and weakness is all I feel today.
  • Last Saturday, my girlfriend and I had a lovely date. I picked her up, went to the grocery store, then I accompanied her dermatologist to have her regular cleaning. We had a healthy lunch too—salad sandwich. While I was waiting for her to finish her session, I went to the coffee bean and had a frappe. Hello caffeine. Damn. I'm so sorry My Love, I lied that I didn't smoke with my friends. I wish I was stronger for you. Hope you can forgive me, again. 😞 
  • That night, my grade school friends went here that night. My last drinking session was with them too—before the lock down. Well, they smoke, but not regularly like me. They only smoke when drinking—not like me, I smoke when I'm bored. We had a nice laugh from reminiscing our kid days. They were my original teammates in Dota. 😄 We've talk a lot about games, our girlfriends, business, life decisions, etc. We pretty much talk about everything about each others' lives. They are my best friends for 16 years now. They asked me why I'm not playing anymore—as of now, only one of them is playing one or two games of Dota every other day. I told them that I quit already and they "boo-ed" me. Haha. Classic. 😅 They understand that I have too much to do for the business. But they're still supportive in my gaming career. At the back of my mind, I've thought of playing again. But nah. If I went back playing again, with smoking, and still drinking (decaf) coffee, all my progress will be gone.
  • It's easy to stop smoking. I've done it many times. What is hard is to stay smoke-free. Man, it's just so hard to be committed in quitting this vice. I'm easily persuaded by external factors. I thought my mindset was fully changed. I have to rethink how can I win the next round. Jeez, I swore by my name, Chiliflavor, that I'll never smoke again. Damn it. Now, I don't have anything to swear on. Haha! My last chance, maybe.
  • Yesterday, I had a hangover so I was not in the mood to write here. It's been a while since I've drank that much. Haha! I cleaned the house since it was a mess from Saturday's session.
  • Today, I'll continue doing the things I've been doing—math tutor, development of the businesses, and learning to trade. I've started trading in eToro too. It's my first time buying a cryptocurrency hoping that the trade goes in my favor. Damn I just had a deja vu, that is, writing here. Probably this cloudiness that I'm feeling is just a glitch in the matrix. I wanted to take a break from writing here but I thought, just now, that when things get hard, that's actually the greatest time to write here so that I could understand myself more. I wanted to escape from the GQ community and just be sucked in again by gaming and smoking. Thanks guys and gals. Without this community's vision, I would have gave in totally already.
  • This last 22 days of my detoxification shall be dedicated to diving deeper about my flaws, shortcomings, weaknesses and what do I really want in life. It feels like, I U-turned. Now, I'm looking for the next safe u-turn so that I will be on the right direction again. I'll re-read my journal, read other's journal, reconstruct my mindset—more like strengthen it—accept that I had been defeated this round, and shall forgive and at the same time scold myself for giving in so easily. Even though I've spent a lot of time trying to get better, I still need more time. Just a little more to get better. After all, it's all I have. 🙂
  • What's more important than this smoking problem that I have is that I won't get back to gaming just to escape this ugly feeling.
  • This ain't the right time to sugarcoat. 😁 What do you think should I do? How can I get back to track?

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Good morning still! Good luck to all of us. 😅

Til my next entry,
Chiliflavor

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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 68]
20 hours ago, chiliflavor said:

. I wanted to escape from the GQ community and just be sucked in again by gaming and smoking. Thanks guys and gals. Without this community's vision, I would have gave in totally already.

The community really does help stop gaming. It's not perfect, but it really has gotten me off the games. Something I was never able to do before.

I don't know about quitting smoking cigarettes, but I quit smoking weed and drinking alcohol. Changing my environment was key. I used to live next door to a smoking buddy and my dad would drink whiskey regularly. Moving in with my mom got me sober because she wants me to stay sober. She even doesn't keep alcohol in the house much to keep it away from me. Living with her has helped keep me clean for 1 year 10 months now. For mentality I'd say. Just make the decision to quit and stay with it no matter what. Even if you're smoking still stay committed to getting off it.

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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 74]
On 7/20/2020 at 11:07 PM, Erik2.0 said:

Even if you're smoking still stay committed to getting off it.

Indeed, I am. Maybe it's hard for me to quit gaming and smoking simultaneously. Thanks @Erik2.0! Same with me, this community made me stay away from gaming too. I guess staying away from things/people that triggers my smoking craving is the best idea. I'll make a plan for it soon. 😄 

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Remaining Days: 16 days (July 21-26, 2020 : Tuesday - Sunday)

Quick Fact About Me:

I graduated from a top university here in our country—University of the Philippines. More or less 66,000 students all over our country had taken the college entrance exam and only 11,000 passed. Luckily, my exam grade was 0.003 away from the cut-off. Whew. It's like one or two mistakes. 😅 College was fun...so fun. 🤣 Party here, party there, drunk almost every weekend, met and mingled with lovely girls, heartbreaks for sure, new acquaintances, and all other boring and wild experiences—you name it. But those things are now in the past. I never thought that life would be complicated. But nah, I should keep moving on and continue to enjoy life. 😁

Feels Today:

  • Well, I took a break from writing here for almost a week. My main reason is that I couldn't accept that smoking got me once again. Arghhh. I'll think about this habit this week. Whenever I make a progress with myself, I'm usually tripped by some unexpected happening. It was our drinking session last two weeks that triggered my smoking habit. All I could think of right now is to stay away from the people who I smoked with before. This means that I'd be sacrificing my get together sessions with my friends for quite some time. It could be at least a year or two—we have a pandemic anyway. It will be hard but I couldn't see any other choice. Just thinking about getting together with my friends, having fun talks and being wasted will always trigger my hunger to smoke. And that, is what I want to avoid. I want to quit smoking for good. I don't know exactly how but I know wanted to.
  • I lost focus of my routine and I feel somewhat neutral about it. The good part is that I became free again—doing what I like. On the other hand, what's bad is that I lost my sense of direction. My goals had been blurry and I had trouble getting back to it due to procrastination. Now that I had the courage to write here again, I'm definitely sure that right now I accept that I slipped and ready for this round. I found a u-turn.
  • Just now, I'm thinking what motivated me to write again here. There's only one answer: I want to be the greatest version of myself. As shallow as it sounds, it's my main reason why I've started writing in this journal. Whew. Fortunately, I haven't installed any games during this hard time of my detoxification.
  • I want to go deeper about knowing myself. If it means that I'd need to talk about negative and strange things, I will do so. I want to be my best. Tomorrow is another day and I shall not quit and be sucked in gaming all over again.  It's really tempting to play but I know that it will just prolong my agony.
  • Boredom is what gets me always. I need to find a way to cope up with boredom, stress and being overwhelmed.

Daily Quest:

  • So last week, since I've stopped writing and doing my routine, I just watched Naruto. I've stopped watching it in sequence since high school—never read the manga. 😅
  • Also, I've started trading in eToro. Currently, I'm intrigued by forex. I deposited $200 and signed up using a referral link so that me and the one who gave me the link would get $50 each. 😄 I made couple of trades and I'm now sitting at $250.74 🤣 Damn, this trading thing really got into me. I wish I had the 100% motivation to focus on it. I'm not yet all out with. Maybe this time, since I'll be taking a break with my friends for a year as I'm planning, I think it's time I dedicate my 100% to it. *IF ever you will open an account to eToro, let me know so that I could provide a link for you to sign up and we'll both have an extra $50.
  • I went to my lady's condominium yesterday and helped her clean. We didn't finished the cleaning since we had little breaks. 😅
  • My tutor session is postponed for now since we had events here and there are several guests. To avoid the risks of covid, I told my nephew that we shall meet in September. I can't teach him too because I will have a dental surgery on next Sunday and it will take around 1 month to heal.
  • Since I've mentioned it, I plan to quit smoking again after the surgery. Well, I don't want to smoke while my gums are open to avoid complication. I'll take that chance again. I have a week to prepare. Probably—with all hopes and dreams—this will be my last week of smoking. Whew. Don't smoke guys if you know that you're prone to being addicted because it's really really really hard to quit.  
  • I've revisited and continued to develop my cousin's accounting website. Damn it. I need to make it very nice.
  • Tomorrow, we'll have a wedding ceremony here. The clients and their families are upstairs having a nice sleep. If only I had other ways of earning money, I wouldn't risk to have events due to the virus. Time to play as DJ Chili again. 😁

Quest Log:

  • Not applicable since I haven't written anything since last week


Incomplete Quest:
make images for the vlog (area of square), update google drive, guidelines for new normal in our event's place, bring the speakers to the technician, finish the venue canva presentation, finalize the flier and print several copies

Trait/Habit to Fix:

Impatient
- Having this trait results in unwise decisions, triggering bad habits and selfish acts

Picture Picture:

Mid-year 2013. When I still have long hair and rocker look. I was on a date during this time. Haha. That girl was nice but I didn't pursue her because I'm not my real self when I'm with her. I was a jerk that time, I never told her that reason. I miss having this hair. My girlfriend wants short hair. 🤣
12492046_10208516294686085_4827783390140873813_o.thumb.jpg.50a461f607bcc961ee1c1744ed0bbe1f.jpg

How Can I Be Better?
By surpassing myself everyday

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Good night! 😄

Til tomorrow,
Chiliflavor

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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 79]

Remaining Days: 11 days (July 27-31, 2020 : Monday - Friday)

Quick Fact About Me:

When it comes to my sex life, I'm very private about it. Kiss and tell isn't my thing. I used to joke a lot of greens when I was "younger." You know, young boys laugh about these kind of stuff. 😅 But as I grew older, I notice that I haven't joked about these kind of things. Not talking about my sex life is my way of respecting my partner (and my previous partners). 😁 For me, this should be only talked about by the parties concerned—I give and accept tips though. 😂

Feels Today:

  • I wasn't able to write here because I was so lazy. 😅 It's most likely that I'm practicing to not depend on this journal in order for me to do a task. Since my 90-day game detoxification is almost finished, I'm thinking of ways how can I continue being productive without me writing in here. I do not plan to continue writing after completing my detoxification; but, I will surely continue reading contents here from time to time. After all, my objective in joining this community is to stay away from gaming with the help of journaling. Moreover, if ever I really wanted to update my status or write whenever I crave too much, I would probably make a new journal, something like a post-detox. But, we'll see.
  • Lately, I've been overwhelmed and pressured with my tasks, feelings, cravings, and relapse in smoking. Hence, I haven't been thinking clearly—my mind seems cloudy. What's nice with writing daily in the journal is that I have written tasks to do for the day. Since I plan on not writing here after completing my 90 days, I will make a google sheet instead. In that way, I think it would guide me like how this journal guided me through my healing.
  • Me and my girlfriend talked about goals, improvements and short coming—mainly about me. 😅 She's disappointed because I became relaxed and wasn't able to continue my good progress. I need to pull myself together and really get back on track.
  • Today, I feel motivated. I like to plan a lot but my problem is the execution part. I need to fix that. Basically, my entry for today is not thoroughly thought of—I just want to make an entry for the sake of something productive done for the day. Writing feels good. 😄 

Daily Quest:

  • Last Monday, we had a Christian wedding here. The couple are very nice to me. They provided food for their guests who stayed overnight and they gave me some too. They left a nice review on our Facebook page which will greatly help our future clients.
  • To be honest, I've been very busy with eToro's forex trading. I haven't looked at charts like this before. As of now, my portfolio is negative. 😅 My first month should have ended with a green portfolio, but I refrained to close my position since it wasn't on the plan. Fear and greed is my greatest enemy here—cutting my losses when it's just a temporary fluctuation of price or getting out too early instead of being patient and waiting for my target price to be hit. Now, I've quite understand, little by little, what many articles are telling—the psychology of trading is what makes trading hard because you're battling with yourself. I'm practicing to trust my trading plan. If my plan didn't workout, which means I've lost more than winning, I need to improve my trading system. Deep down inside, I think I've become a better trader. Hoping that this journey would help me achieve financial freedom.
  • Other than that, I've stopped doing the things I used to do—things that I've been doing in my second month of detoxification. Since I will have a dental surgery on Sunday, and we don't have incoming events next month except on the 20th of August—a wedding preparation, I have two days to plan my activities for August. My dentist said it would took a  week or two for the wound to heal while a month for a full recovery. Luckily, my daily tasks doesn't need heavy lifting or physical pressure. I'll resume my workout routine—this time for real—after my soon to have wound healed.
  • Today, I'll make a google sheet for my daily tasks. In the sheet, I'll list my goals for each day. So starting tomorrow, 10 days remaining, I'll focus my writing about my views in playing video games. I'll also do whatever I can today and tomorrow.
  • I will try to make a template for my final days of detoxification—seems quite to do a lot of thinking today. 😂

Quest Log:

  • Not applicable since I haven't written anything since last week


Incomplete Quest:
make images for the vlog (area of square), update google drive, guidelines for new normal in our event's place, bring the speakers to the technician, finish the venue canva presentation, finalize the flier and print several copies
PS. Since then I haven't really done any of these things. I would transfer these things to my google sheet for tasks.

Trait/Habit to Fix:

Inconsistency
- Having this trait results in relapsing in my lazy self whenever I feel bored or exhausted. I will always tell my self that I need to be better for me to be constantly reminded.

Picture Picture:

None for today—couldn't find an interesting photo. I'll try to get several photos from my laptop. 😅

How Can I Be Better?
by staying committed, staying strong and always getting up whenever I've lost

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Good afternoon! 😄

Til tomorrow,
Chiliflavor

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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 85]

Remaining Days: 5 days (Aug 1-6, 2020 : Saturday - Thursday)

Quick Fact About Me:

If estimate the total time I dedicated in playing video games, using the average number of hours I played each day since I was 5 yrs. old, I'd say it's more or less 30,000 hours—around 3 years. Did I have fun playing? Definitely, yes. Do I regret the time spent? No, I had fun. Do I wish I lessened my playing time before? Yes, I wished that I had more control over my gaming addiction. Did I use video games as an escape for my problems and responsibilities? I'd say, 50-50. I don't usually play when I'm not feeling good—play to enjoy. Do I intend to go back in playing after my 90-day detoxification? Now that's a hard question. 😅

Feels Today:

  • So one out of four of my wisdom teeth had been extracted last Sunday. I thought I'd be unable to do the usual things that I do like daydreaming because of the pain that I will feel after the extraction. But it turns out, I'm okay. I'm happy that my dentist was so good. I know that my gums isn't totally healed; maybe it would take more than a week. As of now, I'm just cautiously chewing things and avoiding lifting heavy objects.
  • I feel like I want to play again after this detox. I try not to think about it at all but as my rehab is almost finished, my eagerness to play is stronger than before. I want to play because I miss it so much but at the same time I'm scared that it would eat me alive again. The good thing is, as of this moment, I don't want to play like before. I wish I knew how to control my playing time.
  • I wasn't being productive these past few weeks. It's not that I'm not motivated; more likely, I'm unfocused and have a lot in mind.
  • Meanwhile, our country's capital city and other nearby provinces were again put in the modified enhanced community quarantine state. I feel sorry for the Philippines. I hope that this pandemic end soon.
  • I miss writing for real here to be honest—reflecting every day, listing and trying my best to achieve daily goals, responding to others' journals, and randomly blurting out my feelings and thoughts. I feel sad that my journey here is about to end but I'm really happy that I'm confident that I'll be able to finish the 90-day detox. Thanks to everyone's support and especially for the people who interacted with me along the way.
  • I'm happy that I was able to save some money. I'm thankful to my parents who guided me who to save and still guiding me how not to spend unwisely. Looking for ways to earn is really stressful. When I was playing WoW's auction house, it was also extremely stressful. But I was able to reach gold cap because of  perseverance. I'll do my best to do the same in real life. Money also contributed a lot in my decision to quit gaming. It drives me to be productive. I'm contented with what I have now. Although, I wish I had more to enjoy luxuries. Hehe. Maybe some time in the future. Concentrating in luxuries won't really help me this time. How I wish I was financially enlightened when I was still earning more than  what I needed. Right now, I spend only to spoil my lady, invest in materials that would benefit my career and personal growth, and to treat my family. Above all, now that I'm entering adulthood, I'm looking forward to buy material things that would definitely benefit me. I want to be like my father—spending very wisely.
  • My smoking, well, is still a problem. I'll deal with it some time soon. I need to have a stronger mindset for that vice. I still don't lose hope of me quitting. I wasn't prepared for triggers before. I know that I will be able to quit. I just don't know how to do it perfectly. I trust myself that I will figure it out.
  • I'm very lucky to have sold my Blizzard account—the one that really pulls me back to gaming. I miss playing WoW's PVP, killing monsters in Diablo, and enjoying my (weak) golden deck in HearthStone. I also miss the intense feeling of conquering the enemy's base in DotA 2. I miss playing mobile games before I sleep or when I'm in pooping. I miss playing and laughing with my real life and online friends. I miss my gamer life. However, I don't want to miss the chance of having a brighter future in exchange of doing those things again. Everybody who knew that I'm going through a gaming rehab tells me that I should never go back to playing video games again. But, at the back of my mind—the hardest part of all—is that I'm convincing myself that "I can play moderately now that I'm able to go through 90 days without gaming." Whew, what a struggle. By thinking of going back to games, I always remember that I already have sold my account and because of that thought, I don't feel like playing again. Hahaha! I don't want to start all over again..... So if ever, I'd be only playing DotA, but then again, we'll see.
  • After all, I want to get back, for real this time, to my previous-month-self, that is, the focused chiliflavor. I need to fight this laziness of mine. I need to always keep in mind that this contented life of mine was a result of the small good decisions that I made over time.
  • I love the feeling of just randomly typing out my feelings. Writing really helps me a lot these past few months.

Daily Quest:

  • Today, I've finally sent my resume to Investagrams—the only social platform I know that encourages Filipinos to invest and trade stocks. I applied as a content marketer. Jeez, as if I knew the fundamentals of marketing. Haha! Anyway, I hope that I'll be able to work in their company. Besides the need to earn money during this pandemic and the fact that our events place business is down because of the community quarantine, I really wanted to work their because I wanted to have an impact to the society. As cheesy as it sounds but I want to be of great help educate my fellow citizens the importance of financial freedom. Moreover, if they hired me, I would be able to learn from their methods how to gain profit from trading stocks. My main goal is to be a profitable trader. I strongly feel that by working in their company, it would give me an opportunity to finally gain some profit in trading. For a year now, I never had a positive month in trading—always losing money. I hope that they would consider my application even though I'm really scared that I'd be working, if ever, as a content marketer! For Christ's sake, I'm a mathematics graduate... 😅😂
  • My daily tasks and goals are written in my google sheet. So far, it's good. Now, I can see that some days weren't really productive. I'd continue listing my tasks there, now that my journey here is about to end in 5 days. So thanks to  this Daily Quest, I was able to recognize the need to have a "journal for tasks."

Quest Log:

  • Not applicable since I haven't written anything since last week


Incomplete Quest:
make images for the vlog (area of square), update google drive, guidelines for new normal in our event's place, bring the speakers to the technician, finish the venue canva presentation, finalize the flier and print several copies

Trait/Habit to Fix:

Mañana Habit
—a negative trait of most Filipinos; according to Google, it's simply procrastination, finding ways to delay a work to be done
I should just do things right away. This habit is reinforced by laziness, distractions, improper time management, and wanting to feel instant gratification.

Picture Picture:

This is a view of our home—the events place—during a debut. If ever you guys, my fellow GameQuitters comrades, needed a place to stay for a couple of days here in the Philippines, some time in the future when you had a vacation after this pandemic ends, you may stay here at our home. Of course, there would be a discounted fee for GQ members! LMAO! 😂 Let me share you our venue, click here  to check it out.
1540733945_OutsideView.thumb.jpg.9cd03a26244a331d22820ba88e4b1367.jpg

How Can I Be Better?
By constantly reflecting with my actions and thoughts, moreover, by learning from it

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Good night! 😄

Til tomorrow,
Chiliflavor

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Nice house. It looks gigantic. I saw all those tables fitting in there. Sad to see you go. But know that you're always welcome to come back here if you ever feel like quitting games completely again. I tried gaming after 90 days and decided to come back. Now I'm at 8 months.

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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 88]

Remaining Days: 2 days (Aug 7-9, 2020 : Friday - Sunday)

Since my journal is about to end, I decided to go over through my entries since the first day of detoxification. I wanted to summarize what had happen to my life since I quit playing games. Recently, since it's Day 88 for me, I've been thinking about "testing out" if I can play casually. This is like the "highlights" of Learn it the hot way.

If you guys and gals read my entries in the Quick Fact About Me section, you would definitely have an idea of who am I. It may be you're just browsing the forums, bored, somewhat interested and following my journey, or whatever possible reason you end up reading facts about me. I want you to know that I'm truly grateful about it. I hope that at least in this little way, I was able to entertain you.

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THINGS I'VE DONE INSTEAD OF PLAYING:

  • I was able to start trading stocks and forex for real. Quitting playing video games gave me lots of time to actually experience trading, scan charts to make trading plans, to reflect with my trading psychology and now to start creating my trading system. This is the only game I wanted to play—the financial market. Now, I realized that this kind of activity is much more complex than any other games that I had played. That's what makes it exciting for me. I hope that I will turn out to be a profitable trader in the near future. When I was a gamer, I treated trading as a past time only, somewhat like gambling hobby.
  • I also had more time to really improve my main business—the events place. While we're still in quarantine which means still no events could happen, I took this time to develop our business—made an official contract, venue presentation slides for potential clients, made a feedback form, calculated our new rate which I think will be our final price adjustment, revised our brochure to a more professional one, made instructions so that guests can easily use our facilities, and to identify our weaknesses so that we can serve better. Moreover, I had much more time to go through my mini-sideline businesses, that is, I was able to eliminate impractical ideas and was able to start constructing plans for the feasible ones. When I was a gamer, I mostly wait for unexpected situations to happen before I start improving the business.
  • I was able to start my book in Mathematics. For now, I'm just creating modules—the sections of the book—and making beginner-friendly solutions to different problems. This is actually a lifetime project of mine. Haha! My inspiration in doing this is to be able to provide a resource for students, who are noob in mathematics, that will soon take college entrance examinations. When I was a gamer, I only do mathematics stuff whenever I'm on a losing streak. Now, I see mathematics, my only beloved subject, to be the greatest way to make my legacy in this world.
  • By creating this journal, I was able to practice writing in English. If I finished reading my stock books, I'll start with the book for creative writing. Now, I can testify that writing is really therapeutic. Also by quitting games, it gave me more time to learn video editing using Filmora9 for vlogging, to make advertisement posters using Canva, to play drums again, and to read books. In the future, I plan to study adobe photoshop as well and how to make music remixes. I do not intend to be a master of all these stuff. All I wanted is to know the basics of these activities so that I don't need to hire or ask somebody to do what I want to have. I believe that by doing things myself will save me thousands of money and it would greatly improve my creativity. Just right now, I realized that these are my new hobbies—my stress reliever. Deep down, it's fulfilling to learn new stuff from time to time. When I was a gamer, all of these activities were just sitting in my "to study / to do" list for years.

My three-month detoxification revolved around these four areas. This is actually the "routine framework" that I discovered from writing this journal.

BENEFITS I HAD FROM NOT PLAYING:

  • I'm not in a hurry anymore to finish my meals, to end conversations with family, girlfriend, relatives and friends, to sacrifice sleep, and to finish my job to have more time playing. I didn't feel grumpy and irritable like before. I was able to enjoy spending time with those people and things. I had the courage to face my problems and frustrations rather than redirecting my hatred to defeating the enemy. When I was a gamer, I was like saying this to myself all the time, "Fuck you all, I'm out of this. I will just deal with you next time. I want to play."
  • I was able to clean (mostly: events place, wash dishes, car, PC, office/bedroom), to organize my stuff (like emails, SMS, PC files, plans and ideas), to cook more often and to workout. Quitting video games made me more responsible. When I was a gamer, my stuff and routine was in total chaos because I choose to play than to be responsible.
  • My mindset improved. I notice that I constantly push myself to do my tasks even at my laziest times. Now, I feel bad if I hadn't finished my tasks. I realized that it's very important to plan my task for every tomorrow because it realigns you to your goals. Now, I'm more focused on how to be financially independent.  When I was a gamer, well, it didn't matter if I had not done anything productive as long as I've enjoyed my day.
  • I realized that sometimes, there are always bad days and I can't avoid it. I realized that sometimes, I just have to accept and move on. I realized that I can enjoy life without playing video games.

STRUGGLES I ENCOUNTERED WHILE I'M STAYING AWAY FROM PLAYING:

I originally listed quite a lot of things but it's already dinner time. Haha! Anyway, it's just the common struggles which I know everybody experience once in a while. But I want to stress out three things in my list: focus, consistency and the "idea" of playing games as a reward. Until now, I haven't fully accepted the thought of "I can't play in moderation." My mind keeps telling me, "Yes, you can." Haha! Maybe, just maybe, in the future—after years of experience—when I learned how to be consistently focused on my tasks and responsibilities and to be able to fully comprehend the "idea" of gaming as a leisure activity on, then I would play again. But as of now, I know can't do that. Above all, I'm still a video game addict who will be released from the rehabilitation center two days from now.

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Picture Picture:
This was my "creative shot" during my graduation photo shoot. Very creative, right? LMAO! Looks like just a regular day for me back then. 😂 I vowed to myself that I would post this online when I quit smoking—for good. So tomorrow is my last day of the game detox—which makes me excited to the thought of "I can play again"— accompanied by nicotine withdrawal, for the nth time. Good luck with that, I'm expecting the worst mood. I plan to start my journey on quitting smoking as I end with Learn it the hot way. I failed quitting those two things simultaneously before. As they say, "One at a time."

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Good evening! 😄

Til tomorrow,
Chiliflavor

Edited by chiliflavor
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  • chiliflavor changed the title to Learn it the hot way. [Day 90 COMPLETED]

A little bit late to post but...

90 days without games done! 😁

Thanks to GameQuitters community, Sir Cam and to its members! Without this community, I would still be the old me.
I would like to mention each and everyone who reacted, commented, and interacted with my journal but it's already 5:15 AM here. 😅 You know who you are! 😄 Thanks a lot for keeping me on track. Without your insights and stories, I wouldn't be able to finish my detoxification.

The thought of gaming still visits me everyday, even after the 90-day detoxification. I guess it would always be this way—haunting me. Haha! After contemplating (which is kind of the real reason) whether should I try to play again or stay clean, I conclude that I want to stay this way. I want to continue being productive everyday, at least. Another reason that also saved me from relapsing was because I've sold my account. If you, a visitor of this forums that in some way ended up reading this, and really wanted to quit, I highly suggest that you sell or delete your account. If you are really serious about quitting games. 😁

For most of us, last Tuesday was a regular day; for me, I gained a level—a real life level up. I was able to stay game-free for 3 months which I never thought I can do. Finally, I finished a thing that I started. Gaming is not bad, my addiction to it is what makes it bad. In the end, this achievement is does not matter to other people—sad to say even to your loved ones. For me, this is the start of a better version of myself and I don't want to mess this up by giving in to my feelings of missing to play games. I guess I can control it for a day or two but I assume that it would eventually eat me whole again. 

I relapsed in smoking cigarettes and drinking caffeine which I've manage to stop when I was on my early days of detoxification. I reasoned out—to myself—that I can't lose those things since I've already lost my gaming hobby. This kind of thought is a trap. I'm quitting these vices too. Hope I can stay nicotine and caffeine-free starting this weekend. My gaming hobby was replaced with watching random stuff on YouTube as well. I have to deal with these "problems" right away—probably starting Monday because I need a concrete strategy to attack the enemies😂

Right now, visualizing myself playing games again somewhat makes me sad. It's like I can now see myself in front of a computer playing games and doesn't care about what's happening around. Not only it doesn't look good, but it doesn't feel right too. What feels right to me now is to focus on what really matters—what is it that I really want to do in life. As "we say," Life Unlocked!

Gaming was a part of my life and I'm truly happy to experience it. I learned a lot of things by gaming. I've enjoyed playing games so much.  I hurt a lot of people too because of it. I hated my self for quite some time because of it. But most importantly, it unlocked me to aspire and do greater things in life.

Stay safe always and continue to have a non-negative outlook in life. 😊
Have a nice day!
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Signing off,

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