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alphadax
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Day #57

Uhhhh

Yeah not much to report.  Feeling kind of lonely.  It's hard to be social and make friends in a new city during a LITERAL GLOBAL PANDEMIC.

*sigh*

Also, WHY IS CAR INSURANCE SO EXPENSIVE!??

I moved from a low cost state to a high cost state.  I didn't realize the cost was THAT high.

Driving is expensive.  Can't wait for everyone to have self-driving cars and for car insurance to go die in a fire.

Good night.

 

Sleep: good

Exercise: good

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1 hour ago, alphadax said:

Feeling kind of lonely.

Hey there @alphadax! I feel this almost half of each week too. 😅 What I do is I find anything—literally anything—that I'd like to learn or do just to keep me preoccupied and forget about loneliness. Happiness comes from realizing its existence! 😃

Good luck and take it easy as always! 😂

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Day #58

Ugh.  Work is so tiring.  I haven't even really been doing much.  I just feel like sitting all day saps my energy.  I also don't have great vision so if I have to look at a screen for a long time I get eye fatigue.  I've been trying to make it better but it seems unavoidable sometimes.

So I blame how I feel on work but really I'm probably still not exercising enough or eating enough fruits and vegetables or drinking enough water or taking enough breaks.

I'm going to start taking more frequent breaks and make sure to get up and walk around at look at stuff far away.

I have nothing planned for this weekend yet.  I kinda just want to relax for tonight.  Going to try to do some more planning tomorrow.

Sleep: good, but still tired

Exercise: bad

 

Edit: Not gonna lie, kind of struggling right now.  The only thing keeping me from gaming is the fact that I sold all of my controllers.  I would literally reinstall and play right now if I had a controller.  I want to so bad.

The reason is that I feel like shit because it's 4th of July weekend and I'm in a new city.  Under normal circumstances, this would be the perfect time to go out and meet new people.  I even got some invitations from people I know to hangout.  But one of them is a big family party where no one would be wearing masks, and the other one is an indoor party.

I want SO BADLY to just go out and try to meet people because that's like the main thing that I need right now.  But I'd also feel guilty because I've been traveling a ton lately, and I don't want to put anyone at risk if I happen to be sick.  It's a catch-22, damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of feeling.  I don't want to come off as anti-social (even though I still kind of am) but I also don't want to contribute to virus spreading.  I just started a new job and getting sick would be rough.

So all of this is just making me stressed and want to have some kind of escape.  I've made an agreement with myself, that for this weekend, I will do my part in social distancing--wear my mask, stay 6 ft apart, try to do activities outdoors, limit exposure time, etc...  Honestly I probably could have gone to these events without much risk if I did these things, but I already kind of panicked and said no.  I don't know what's the right choice.

Ugh.  Hopefully more opportunities come up for me in the future.  If I get any more chances I will probably take them.  Fuck the virus.

Edited by alphadax
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!shitpost

My life expectancy is another 54.98 years, or 20,082 days from now.

So I've already lived about 28.57% of my projected life.

Wednesday, June 26, 2075

!remindme when dead

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Day #59

.....

Being an adult is hard.

New rule for myself--take a drive somewhere every day. It can be literally anywhere. Five minutes around the block. Just get out of the house.

I can't stay inside forever.

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2 hours ago, alphadax said:

Day #59

.....

Being an adult is hard.

New rule for myself--take a drive somewhere every day. It can be literally anywhere. Five minutes around the block. Just get out of the house.

I can't stay inside forever.

 

In days like that, I wish I knew how to do "astral projection." 😅 You can do it man!

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Day #60
 

2/3 of the way through my 90-day detox.  Yay me.

Coming off of my frustration from yesterday, I was actually pretty productive today.  I got the laundry done, did a lot of cleaning in the kitchen, and explored some of the local area.  There's a farmers market that runs on Saturdays here that is pretty nice, there's a big selection and it seems like it runs year round.  I got some cucumbers that were pretty delicious.

I didn't know this, but you can buy herbs in starter pots and then you can just pick fresh herbs whenever you need them.  I don't know how long they will last if I don't give them water/sunlight, but I'm guessing if I spent $3 for a basil plant that should last a week even if I neglect it.  I looked into what it would take for me to start an indoor herb garden.  It would be great if I could just have some fresh herbs growing in my kitchen for use year-round.  If anyone has experience with this I would love to know more.  I'm thinking basil, rosemary, sage, thyme, mint (never used before but I heard it can grow well indoor), chives.....  I saw some people suggest an Aerogarden which is basically a machine that does most of the work for you.  However the lights can be pretty bright, but I think you can set them to just be on during typical "awake" hours.

I am still very interested in cooking from home, even if just on the weekends.  I'm on the lookout for good local produce and meats.  There are a few international stores I'd like to check out as well.

Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping again and probably clean up the kitchen some more.

Oh and happy fourth.

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Day #61

I feel like I'm not doing enough still.  Exercise, that is.  My right shoulder has some kind of issue.  It's not as strong as my left.  It gets sore after a short while.

I think my problem is I don't really have any goals with exercise.  I don't know what it'll take for me to get off my ass.  I know it's good for me, I feel better afterwards, I just can't get myself to do it.  I'm more motivated to try to eat healthy though.  I've been scouting around for good ingredients and trying to make the kitchen look nice and clean.

Things are expensive here.  I can't wait for my first paycheck.

Edited by alphadax
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Day #62

Not much to report today. Would like to try to get outside  and exercise more tomorrow.

When I am cooking I still try to do too much. I had some ingredients I was sauteing on the stove, and then somehow that turned into a soup, when really it would have been better off by itself. I always end up muddling too many flavors together.

I forgot I already have something planned for tomorrow evening, so I will definitely be getting some exercise.

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Day #63

I played tennis today for the first time in a while. The clinic was 2 hours and I think was tired after about 30 minutes. Yeah I'm out of shape lol. To my credit it was indoors and no AC plus 90 degrees outside.

It was still fun though. Most of the players are definitely better than me right now. I'll have to get back up to speed. This was definitely a kick in the pants for me in terms of my physical ability. I really want to play more and also be able to play longer without getting so tired. If I start doing some running or other conditioning during the week that should help.

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Day #64

Pretty good day today.  I felt a bit sore from my exercise yesterday, but I also felt like I had a lot more energy throughout the day.

Tomorrow I will try to get some more exercise, I'm thinking I will try going to the local skate park.  I haven't skated since I moved.

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Day #65

Today was pretty good.  Still enjoying the work from home life.  Not sure what I want to do this weekend though.  I'm thinking to take a day trip somewhere by myself and just explore the area, maybe go to a park and do some trails.

Ok, after thinking about it, I think tomorrow I'm just going to go to a local park after work and see if I can do some skateboarding or just walking/running on the trails.

Saturday will definitely be another cooking/cleaning day--scope out more local foods, do laundry, clean up around the house.

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Day #66

Well, I did make it to the park today.  For some reason I still was putting it off.  I had it on my calendar for 12:30pm, but I didn't leave until like 2:00pm.  I told myself to at least go outside, so I literally just walked out the door and stood outside for a bit.  Then after about 15 minutes of that I finally decided to go drive to the park.  So I guess the lesson is, starting is the hardest part?  I think when I am at home inside lounging all day it makes me not want to do anything.  So getting outside can help change my mood.

I did skateboard for a bit, but it was pretty dang hot out, so I stopped after a short while.  The park was nice, not too crowded.  I rewarded myself with some ice cream from a local shop.  Have you ever tried red velvet cake flavored ice cream?  I hadn't.  Surprisingly good.  After all that I was feeling pretty good about myself, so I went to the mall to extend my journey from home.  Picked up a few things and plopped myself back down on the couch.  Mission complete.

But wait, there's more!  I also decided to drive by a local tennis club and happened to catch someone on their way in.  I learned a bit about the club and met some people while I was there.  Not sure right now if I'll be back (it's a bit expensive) but at least I know where it is now.

This weekend should be exciting.  I was going to say "I don't really have anything planned" but then I thought why not do some planning right now?  I'm thinking to get up nice and early and see if I can get to the farmers market before the crowds show up.  Basically a day of cooking, cleaning and laundry until lunch.  After lunch I might take a little hike somewhere.

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Day #67

Decent day today.  I wish I did more exercise, but I'm working on that.  I should be playing some tennis the next two days.  It's raining hard right now.  It's interesting to watch from my window.  There's a different feeling viewing rain from inside versus actually being out in the rain.  If you've never just stood out in the rain, you should try it.  Kind of fun.  Then you can pretend you're the protagonist in a cheesy romance film.

I'd love to play some games right now, but I can't.  So I still don't have enough activities to fill my time.

Anyway, don't have much else for tonight.  Signing off.

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Day #68

Can't wait to play some tennis tomorrow.  Had scheduled to play with someone today but they cancelled.  As a result I was extremely antsy today.  I didn't know what to do after getting my groceries for the day.  Highlight of the day was probably chatting virtually with friends and family.  I was also able to take a stroll around the neighborhood during that time.  I miss just going on walks.  I hope I can make those a regular thing again while the weather is still good.  I think it is really important to go outside and just walk around.  I don't know why.  It makes me feel good, like I did something productive.  It's better if you're actually going somewhere like school or a park or work.  I never really talked with somebody on the phone while just walking around, but I did today and it was great.  Would highly recommend.

I looked up some tennis videos to keep me occupied today.  I notice a lot of pros actually start their stroke from higher up, and always turn their shoulders all the way.  I probably need to start taking lessons again from a high level player.  I think there was a lot of stuff I was taught as a kid that was more old-school and outdated.  And stuff I probably didn't care about or understand because I was just a kid.  But as an adult I want to get better and see improvement.  Problem is lessons are expensive!  But I think tennis is something I really want to do, almost something I need to do right now to keep me sane and healthy.  I also looked up some conditioning drills I can do at home.  I'm thinking about getting a jump rope.  I don't know why but it seemed really cool and super useful for tennis.  Did you know you can spend hundreds of dollars on a jump rope??  I didn't.  Apparently it makes a big difference.  So now that's put me off from jump roping lol.  I'll probably start with bodyweight stuff, walking, and damn son I need to start running as well probably.  At least until I can afford to play tennis 3x a week then I can use that as my weekly exercise lol.

A bit rambly but I'm feeling good right now and ready to start the week.

By the way, sleep is still fine.  I don't really feel the need to explicitly report on it anymore.  It's the exercise I really need to work on.  Although... I have been having some shoulder soreness and I think it could be due to the bed being kinda hard.  So I may be looking at a mattress foam topper or just a new mattress once I have some mulahlah.  Common theme here.  In the meantime I am trying to stay sleeping on my back.

Edited by alphadax
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Day #69, 70

Forgot to post yesterday, I thought about it but I was tired so I just went to bed.  Tennis went well.  I was hitting the ball much much better than last week, so I am proud of myself for that.  I think it came down to a few main things: confidence, footwork, video learning, and breaks.  For confidence, once I got a few good shots in I was really feeling myself and realized that what I was trying to do was working.  I had been watching a lot of tennis YouTube videos to see how the pros play, not to try to copy them but just to get a feel for what they look like on the court.  I noticed that footwork played a huge role.  I tried to stay light on my feet (on the balls of the foot, split step right when the opponent is getting ready to hit the ball) and I felt much more relaxed and quick on the court.  I also analyzed their shots--the biggest thing I learned is called the "unit turn."  Basically when you are prepping to hit the ball, you want to turn your shoulder parallel to the ball, kind of "coiling" your body so that you can release that energy into the swing.  Everything you do in the preparation stage helps to give you power in the swing.  Also the height of your racquet and the way you step into the swing can impact how efficiently your force is carried over.  Finally, this clinic had more players so it was a bit slower paced than the last one, which gave me a bit more time to recover.

Tomorrow I may be doing something in the evening, so I'm going to try getting in some tennis conditioning during the day / after work.  I have a few drills I can try, then maybe go out for a run.  Work is going well so far, I am pretty happy with it.  Random thought: I noticed with dinner tonight that the food I cooked didn't taste quite as good as when I made it last time.  Part of this can be explained by the fact that I accidentally dumped in way too much sugar...  It also could be that last time I cooked it fresh same day, while this time I cooked it about 3 days later.  Who knows.  But it was still good.

When I play tennis I don't feel like gaming.  Tennis is so much fun.

Good night

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Day #72

Not much to report really. Yesterday I hung out with some people which was nice. Today it rained all day and I felt pretty drained so I watched anime all day.

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Day #74

Somehow I fell asleep without even realizing it. When I woke up it wasn't even 12 am yet, so I have no idea how long I was asleep. The last thing I remember was that it was about 5 o'clock and I was eating dinner. When I woke up I was in bed with my daytime clothes still on. I hadn't made my journal post yet and it didn't feel like I had brushed my teeth.

I don't know what's going on but clearly I've messed myself up from watching anime all day. I think it can kind of destroy your sense of time.

I'm a little freaked out because I woke up from some kind of nightmare as well. I wasn't even sure I was actually a wake for a while since it was so early on my phone and I didn't remember going to bed.

I guess I'm just going to try going back to sleep.

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Day #75

Don't know what happened last night, but I woke up around 6:00 which worked out great because I was able to get to the grocery store before the crowds showed up.  Maybe I should wake up earlier from now on and exercise or something.

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On 7/19/2020 at 5:20 PM, alphadax said:

Day #75

Don't know what happened last night, but I woke up around 6:00 which worked out great because I was able to get to the grocery store before the crowds showed up.  Maybe I should wake up earlier from now on and exercise or something.

I feel better when I wake up earlier, the only issue is I like staying up late. Gotta sacrifice one of them. Give it a try for a few weeks and see. 

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Day #76-80

I guess I have 10 days left in my 90 day detox. I haven't posted in a few days... I don't really have an excuse; I just didn't feel like I had anything to say. Journaling was starting to feel like a chore rather than something that I wanted to do. I didn't want that so I stopped for a while. In some ways it's the same for gaming. When I have quit games in the past, it was because they weren't fun anymore. They started to feel like more of a chore or a burden than something enjoyable.

I have been sick since Sunday apparently as well. My symptoms are nothing serious (yet) so fingers crossed I don't have covid. I finally got tested today but I won't get the results for another week at least. Luckily all I have been doing is working from home and watching anime anyway, so it hasn't affected my life too much.

Gaming has crossed my mind more since I've been sick and stopped journaling. I've considered ordering another controller and playing again. It's funny. It doesn't make any sense. I feel like I was so adamant that I would change, that I would be different. I thought it was the end for me, that I would never play games again. I wonder what changed in my brain where now I suddenly think it would be a good idea to go back. What did I even quit games for in the first place? What have I been doing all of this time?

It's hard to change when the current environment is almost forcing people to stay inside. And environments shape our habits more than we'd like to admit. Sometimes I wonder how much control we really have over our own destinies, when something as simple as a piece of fruit or a bag of chips on the counter can change our behavior.

I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow. That's fine for now. At some point I want to look back through my old posts, because I feel like I've lost sight of my goal. Happy Friday everybody.

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Day #81

Still feeling kind of lost today. I was productive last night and got some shopping done, but then today I didn't know what to do with myself. I did read for a couple hours and finally finished a book I had been reading for a while. I'd like to read more often. I have another book I can start this week.

I've only been living in this place for a few weeks now, but it seems like I might have higher standards for cleanliness than everyone else. My philosophy is basically to clean as I go. I don't know why this isn't more common because it's so simple and easy. Just clean up right after eating or cooking anything. It only takes 5 minutes and it keeps everything spotless. Then you don't have to deal with the dread of a full sink of gross dirty dishes. Also why do some people leave food on their plates in the sink? It takes two seconds to just scrape it in the trash. Or maybe just finish your damn food.

I don't really feel like having this conversation with my roommate right now, because I doubt he will change, but it might need to happen at some point. It's not a big deal right now since I'm working from home, it's fairly easy for me to just clean up for everyone when I make my own food. But if I was gone for even a couple of days, I would come back to an absolute mess.

I'm pretty sure my cold is coming to and end so I'm looking forward to playing tennis again sometime this week.

Happy Sunday everybody

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