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My daily journal


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Day #36

 

Daily Reflection

Today was less lonely.  I visited with an old friend for several hours just to chat.  It was nice.  I feel like I am learning to listen better and focus on conversations, but I still have a long ways to go.  Goals for tomorrow: start thinking about gifts for father's day and relative's birthday, sell old textbooks.  Maybe try algorithms some more.  Read another chapter in my book.  End of week (Sunday) review weekly progress on Fundamental Techniques.

Quote

 

When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic.  We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

"I will speak ill of no man... and speak all the good I know of everybody." - Benjamin Franklin

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain--and most fools do.  But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

...

Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them.  Let's try to figure out why they do what they do.  That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.  "To know all is to forgive all."

As Dr. Johnson said: "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days."

Why should you and I?

 

pg. 13,16 How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

 

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours)

Good, need to make sure I am ready for bed at 11 though

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walk.  Looking to see if there are any tennis courts open, maybe even try to play table tennis

 

Fundamental Techniques

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (to / about others.)

  • Did I criticize, condemn, or complain today? (If yes, explain:)
    • I don't think so, but I could be wrong.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • 2-1. Daily Admiration / Appreciation (Goal: 1 thing)
    •  Someone I met today remembered me from preschool.  That kind of memory is amazing.
    • This same person also has a very kind, soft-spoken voice, and a very creative and intelligent mind.  I am sure that this person's skills will take them far in life, even if things are difficult right now.  I wish them the best.
  • 2-2. Daily Gratitude (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I am thankful that it did not rain during my meeting with friends today.
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Day #37

 

Daily Reflection

Today was ok.  I spent virtually no time on the computer today.  I'm afraid of what my computer is doing to my eyes.  I feel like it could still be the cause of my eye fatigue.  Which is not good, because at my job I'm going to be on computer for 8 hours a day.  I will be looking for ways to limit my exposure.

I got really bored today.  I'm really tired of being inside by myself with nothing to do.  I feel like I could be doing more to get ready for my move, but I'm not really sure what to do.  I tried to channel that boredom into exercise, which I think is a good habit to have.  I felt pretty good on my skateboard today.  When I get the chance I also want to play some tennis.  I used to play every week as a kid but it's something I rarely ever do now.

Tomorrow I want to try to sell my old textbooks.  I also want to think about gifts for father's day and my brother's birthday.

 

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours)

Good, but I slept in which I don't want to make a habit of.  Tomorrow I will wake up with my alarm and take a shower.

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walk, skateboard

 

Fundamental Techniques

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (to / about others.)

  • Did I criticize, condemn, or complain today? (If yes, explain:)
    • To my friend as a joke.  I think it was ok

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • 2-1. Daily Admiration / Appreciation (Goal: 1 thing)
    •  I appreciate my phone calls today with friends and family.  That cheered me up a little bit.
  • 2-2. Daily Gratitude (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I am grateful for the nice weather.
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Day #38

 

Daily Reflection

Today was good.  I managed to get off my ass and sell my old books like I wanted.  I also figured out a gift for fathers day and went skating at a new skate park for the first time.  The skate park was crowded, but I was happy to be outside getting some sunshine while it lasts.  I have this feeling now whenever the weather is good like I need to be outside as much as possible.  Even though I am moving soon, I think it is good for me to get out and find activities that I like to do where I can meet other people.  I want to form a habit of getting out of my comfort zone, going to new places and talking to new people.

I went down a ramp at the skate park.  Like a baby ramp.  But it was still scary.  When I practice near home I only have a small piece of sidewalk so I am always riding very slowly.  It was pretty exhilarating to go down the ramp for the first time.  I want to get better at kick turns and ramps so that I can go up a ramp and then kick turn down the ramp.  I also want to be able to do reverts.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours)

Good

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Skateboard

 

Fundamental Techniques

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (to / about others.)

  • Did I criticize, condemn, or complain today? (If yes, explain:)
    • I don't think so, but I could be wrong

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • 2-1. Daily Admiration / Appreciation (Goal: 1 thing)
    •  I saw many people today who were much better at skateboarding than me.  I hope one day I can do some of the things they can.
  • 2-2. Daily Gratitude (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I am grateful for the nice weather.
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Day #39

 

Daily Reflection

Not much to report, watched a lot of anime today.  Tried to set up a few plans for this weekend.  Next week will be really busy.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours)

Good

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walk

 

Fundamental Techniques

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (to / about others.)

  • Did I criticize, condemn, or complain today? (If yes, explain:)
    • I don't think so, but I could be wrong

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • 2-1. Daily Admiration / Appreciation (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I appreciate the effort of the animators in making the anime i am watching currently.
  • 2-2. Daily Gratitude (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I am grateful for nature.
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Day #40

 

Daily Reflection

Played tennis with friends today.  Helped a friend with a song he was working on.  Watched some more anime and algo lectures.

Tomorrow I will be doing a bit of reading and hanging out at brother's house while I get my car worked on.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours)

Good

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walk

 

Fundamental Techniques

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain (to / about others.)

  • Did I criticize, condemn, or complain today? (If yes, explain:)
    • I don't think so, but I could be wrong

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

  • 2-1. Daily Admiration / Appreciation (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I admire my friend's dedication to his music
  • 2-2. Daily Gratitude (Goal: 1 thing)
    • I am grateful to have had the chance to play tennis today

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

  • Be concerned with others before yourself
    • Consider the other person’s wants and desires before your own
  • Foster genuine interest and curiosity in other people (by seeking out their admirable and interesting qualities)
    • Find aspects of other’s that you can learn from, and that are worthy of praise—and praise them!
    • Focus on remembering and internalizing everything about others—remember their names, their strengths, and their wants
  • Tie what you want to what they want, and don't forget to smile

 

Weekly Reflection

  • What did I do well this week?
    • Completed my daily journals and continued my commitment to not gaming
    • Began working on forming strong habits
  • What could I have done better?
    • Read more, review book materials more frequently
  • What lessons can I learn?
    • I tend to feel more productive when I am around other people
    • When I am by myself, I don't know what to do, or I don't have the motivation to do it
Edited by apatton090
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Day #41,42

 

Daily Reflection

Forgot to do my journal last night. I was feeling really tired for some reason. Normally I write my journals an hour or two before bed, but yesterday I just suddenly felt tired at like 9pm so I just decided to go straight to bed.

I had my car taken to the dealer yesterday to get things looked over before I move out. Unfortunately it sounds like my brakes are shot and the repair is expensive. I don't have enough money for a new car right now, so I'm just going to get it fixed and hope that nothing else breaks down in the next 6-12 months.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 7.5-8.5 hours)

Good

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walk

 

Fundamental Techniques

update tomorrow

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

  • Be concerned with others before yourself
    • Consider the other person’s wants and desires before your own
  • Foster genuine interest and curiosity in other people (by seeking out their admirable and interesting qualities)
    • Find aspects of other’s that you can learn from, and that are worthy of praise—and praise them!
    • Focus on remembering and internalizing everything about others—remember their names, their strengths, and their wants
  • Tie what you want to what they want, and don't forget to smile
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"Be concerned with others before yourself". Really like that!  Also something I want to learn.
We often get stuck in this ego thing through only focusing on ourself through all these self-help
books etc. - it's all about us. Focusing only on ourselves isn't healthy I think. We 
should love something
outside of ourself. 

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Day #43

 

Daily Reflection

I think I have a slight cold. Picked up my car from the dealer today. Not sure if it was worth all the trouble but I'm just glad to have my car back. Finally got groceries today and enjoyed the sweet taste of fruits and vegetables.

Tomorrow morning I will get started on packing up the kitchen and my keyboard. I also want to look at change of address stuff for moving. Once I get a shopping list together I will go to Target and pick up some moving supplies and birthday gift.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours)

Since I'm feeling sick I just need to make sure I'm in bed early and staying hydrated.

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

😞

 

Fundamental Techniques

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

  • In all of my social encounters this week, I will reflect on my own the following questions:
  •  Did I give my best effort to be concerned for others?
  • Did I consider the other person's feelings/wants/desires/needs before my own?
  • Did I seek out and give genuine interest and praise for admirable qualities?
  • Did I make an effort to remember and call people by name?
  • Did I actively listen and recall details from previous conversations?
  • Did I succeed in tying what they want to what I want (by knowing what I want and what they want)?
  • Did I speak with a smile?
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Day #44

 

Daily Reflection

Getting a little tired of these daily reflections to be honest.  But I want to keep it up, at least until the 90 days is up.  Today was the first time in a while I had a craving to play games.  I think the pressure of isolation and the stress of moving is at a boiling point.  But I'm getting excited now because there's only a few more days until I can finally move and get on with my life.  I guess this past year has felt kind of disappointing in a way, because I knew I was going to be leaving soon and it didn't feel like anything meant anything anymore... anyways...

I have no clue what to expect really once I move.  Even though I have already been to this area before, I will be living in a different part of town and with people I have never met before (IRL.)  I just had some major repairs done on my car and I think I can make it through the move but I need to start saving ASAP so that if my car doesn't make it through the winter I can afford a new one (sorry I write like a first grader with no punctuation and sentences that never end.)

I've had a few people ask me if there was anything I wanted to do before I leave, or any people I want to talk to, but to be honest I'm just ready to get the heck out of here.  I've never really had many friends so the only people I want to talk to are family and my old roommates who I've guilted into helping me move anyway 🙂

An old friend of mine is coming by tomorrow to pick up the couch since I can't take it with me when I move.  Seeing as I've been spending the last few days entirely on the couch watching anime, this puts me in a real pickle.  But I kind of set it up that way intentionally, to force me to get out of the house more and really finish packing things up.

Also been suffering from eye fatigue more lately, which isn't great considering I need to make a long road trip.  I think for me, exercise really helps alleviate this because it distracts me and gets me moving.  So basically, taking a break from sitting around and doing something active should help.  I also might need a new glasses prescription, but I'm going to hold off on that until after I move.

One last thing that I realized today was that I'm not really sure who I am anymore.  Whenever I would have long breaks from school or work like this in the past, I would be doing one of several things: 1) programming / playing / making video games (middle school me), 2) doing band stuff / playing games (highschool me), 3) play video games and watch youtube all day (college me).  If you didn't notice, all of these have one thing in common: video games.  They've been a part of my life for so long and a good chunk of my memories growing up are related to video games.  So I guess it's not really surprising that when I cut video games out from my life, I feel like I've lost a part of my identity.  I don't really feel like myself anymore.  It's not just video games either.  Music also used to be a much bigger part of my life, but when I started college, it wasn't really the same as high school and I didn't put as much effort into music anymore.  Music was where I got my sense of community and belonging in high school.  That and being a nerd.  But in college I didn't have music, so I was super lonely.  I tried several times to get involved in music groups in college, and I looked into joining some different clubs, but none of them ever clicked for me.  Even when I played video games, I didn't really have much of a community.  I did have a small group of people who I played with regularly, but they weren't even people I knew in real life.  And at least half the time I would still just play by myself.  I think this may be a big reason I decided to quit gaming, because I felt like gaming was holding me back and keeping me from forming meaningful relationship in real life.

If anyone reading this is still in high school or college, my advice would be to find hobbies that allow you to meet other people.  I'm still a very introverted person, but when I think back on my memories, most of them are from some form of human interaction.  And that's another thing that makes me kind of sad, because my memory is TERRIBLE.  When I was dating someone in high school I remember how god awful I was at remembering stuff.  She could literally tell me every detail of our first date, and like a bunch of stuff that happened between us, and I could barely remember anything (we ended up breaking up later, I wonder why?)

Anyway uhhh... this got a lot longer than I intended.  Stay safe and eat your vegetables, kids.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours)

👍

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Skateboard

 

Fundamental Techniques

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

  • In all of my social encounters this week, I will reflect on my own the following questions:
    • Did I give my best effort to be concerned for others?
    • Did I consider the other person's feelings/wants/desires/needs before my own?
    • ***Did I seek out and give genuine interest and praise for admirable qualities?
    • ***Did I make an effort to remember and call people by name?
    • ***Did I actively listen and recall details from previous conversations?
    • Did I succeed in tying what they want to what I want (by knowing what I want and what they want)?
    • **Did I speak with a smile?
  • Ok, I feel like I need to clarify something here.  I don't want to become a social psychopath.  I obviously want people to like me, but I know it's not going to be the case because you just can't please everybody.  It reminds me of this girl in high school who I kind of had a crush on, but was also kind of creeped out by.  Why was I creeped out by her?  Because she was literally TOO PERFECT.  She was the nicest person you would ever meet, an honest-to-god angel from heaven.  But in my mind I was basically a worthless turd, so someone being so incredibly nice to me was outside the realm of possibilities that my tiny brain could handle.  I always felt like there was something disingenuous about her niceness, because why would someone ever be so nice?  Looking back now I think that was really just her personality, but I guess I'll never know.
Edited by apatton090
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Day #45

 

Daily Reflection

Today was pretty good.  Made some good progress on move-out stuff and met with a friend for a bit.  It was nice to talk to somebody else and walk around for a while.  I scheduled all of my utilities to cancel today as well, and got my change of address done.  Now I just need to look into changing my address with certain things like the bank.

My friend came over to take some of my furniture, so now I just have some folding chairs, my desk chair and my bed.  Because of this I actually spent some time working on music today and learned a lot of neat stuff in FL Studio.  I think I could actually get into producing as a hobby.  It's pretty fun, but it can be slow at first because you don't know how the program works and you don't know any of the shortcuts.  So I spent a good hour tinkering around with some really useful shortcuts.  I think I've gotten a lot better as using the piano roll.  It seems like you don't really even need a midi keyboard if you are good with the piano roll.  But I may still get one eventually lol.

Tomorrow I'll probably read more and double check stuff that I want to give away or take with me (instruments, computer desk.  If it's nice out I might even go to the skate park again.  I also want to go through boxes more and pack stuff up better / get rid of more stuff.  My goal is to be able to fit most of my stuff in my car.  That way it is easy for me to move again if I need to.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours)

👍

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walking

 

Fundamental Techniques

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

  • In all of my social encounters this week, I will reflect on my own the following questions:
    • Did I give my best effort to be concerned for others?
    • Did I consider the other person's feelings/wants/desires/needs before my own?
    • ***Did I seek out and give genuine interest and praise for admirable qualities?
    • ***Did I make an effort to remember and call people by name?
    • ***Did I actively listen and recall details from previous conversations?
    • Did I succeed in tying what they want to what I want (by knowing what I want and what they want)?
    • **Did I speak with a smile?
  • Kind of struggling with this one.  I think I need to just focus on one aspect at a time.
  • This is the one thing I want to focus on this week:
    • Become genuinely interested in other people.
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Good luck with the move and don't force interest in others. Sometimes people just aren't interesting. It will be easier once you find things in common or find something out about a person that surprises or impresses you. 

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Day #46

 

Daily Reflection

Almost forgot to do my reflection today. I've been working on music stuff and I keep losing track of time. Don't know how but I didn't get much done today. I managed to sell my guitar and do laundry so I guess that's nice. I don't really know how much I'll be practicing music once I move, but I'm going to try producing for a while. If I get back into piano and guitar I'd probably get an acoustic guitar. I don't know why I got an electric because I don't really like that kind of music. Although electric is easier to learn on from what I've heard. Maybe I'll even get a ukelele. Who knows. For piano I just felt like full 88 keys was too bulky. I want something that's easier to compose on like a midi keyboard. I still have my old Yamaha 61 key that I plan to take with me on the move. It's very old and beat up so I feel less worried about it breaking in the car.

Anyway I'm rambling. Tomorrow is my last day before my mom comes into town to help me move. So I need to pack up all the stuff in/on my dresser and in my nightstand. Also finish going through the closet and get a staying area for boxes by the door. I figure I can leave some of the kitchen and bathroom packing for Tuesday, but I think I will try to get some packing paper for the kitchen items and other breakables.

A lot to do but I need to take it one step at a time. Probably easiest to start with organizing the staging area and the closet.

Mental note: be careful of habits slipping due to new environment after move. Set alarms if need be for bedtime routine.

Also in the morning I want to try waking up with some kind of stretch / light exercise (10 jumping jacks, 5 squats, 5 second pull up, 10 second plank, 1 push up, 10 reps curls, 5 overhead press, 5 "deadlift" or dumbbell row)

AND have music playing. I'm not sure about music as an alarm, because it would be a different song each time, but maybe I can just start it right after the alarm and then do my exercise. I like music so I figure if I get to listen to music when I wake up that would put me in a good mood. I don't like to exercise in the morning but I think it could also help with my mood.

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours)

👍

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Walking

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What's up @apatton090! Seems like a very busy day! Rock music would help speed up the packing. 😎🤘
I try to do that since last week—exercise before I got out of bed—and I've been continuously doing it since then. Your routine looks great! For me, I've only started with sit ups, bicycle sit ups, push ups and squats. Today, I've added jumping jack. I don't mind the counts at this time, I just do how much I can. Some days, if I feel like working out, I make some of those exercise 2 sets. 😂

Good luck for tomorrow's new zone & quests! Don't forget to take things easily and have multiple short break times—a beer or two at the end of day would be nice! It would make things less stressful; and, it will make your mental note stronger. 👍

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Day #47

 

Daily Reflection

Whew. Long day prep work for the move this week. I took down my computer first thing which I think helped me be more productive. I'm surprised I managed to do so much in one day and still not really be done. I still have a bunch of boxes in the closet to move out to the living room and more clothes to pack. There's a few things on the floor in the bedroom and my entire dresser needs packed still, clothes and the stuff sitting on top. A towel load needs run tomorrow as well. Kitchen stuff needs to be packed.

Overall I'm pretty happy with the progress I made today, I'm just surprised how much stuff I still have, even after getting rid of a bunch of things.

I'd like to do another weekly reflection, but I'll probably wait until I have my computer set up again next week. It's a bit difficult to do these long reflections on my phone.

//////

Mental note: be careful of habits slipping due to new environment after move. Set alarms if need be for bedtime routine (9:00pm: journal, 10:30pm: sleep)

Morning exercise (15 minutes)

10 jumping jacks, 5 squats, 5 second pull up hold, 20 second plank, 10 jumping jacks, 10 reps curls, 5 overhead press, 5 dumbbell deadlift, 5 dumbbell row, 10 jumping jacks

//////

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours)

👍

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Standing all day, morning exercise

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Day #48

 

Daily Reflection

Going to try to keep these short until I am done moving. Did lots more packing today. Met with some friends for final goodbyes. The next few days will be very busy and exciting. I am actually really looking forward to it. I'm really proud of myself for how much packing I was able to do by myself. I feel like I'm going on an adventure now.

//////

Mental note: be careful of habits slipping due to new environment after move. Set alarms if need be for bedtime routine (9:00pm: journal, 10:30pm: sleep)

Morning exercise (15 minutes)

10 jumping jacks, 5 squats, 5 second pull up hold, 20 second plank, 10 jumping jacks, 10 reps curls, 5 overhead press, 5 dumbbell deadlift, 5 dumbbell row, 10 jumping jacks

//////

 

Daily Sleep (Goal: 8-9 hours)

👍

 

Daily Exercise (Goal: 30 min)

Standing all day, morning exercise

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Day #49

Another day of packing and saying goodbyes today. Tomorrow we will see how much stuff we can fit to take with us and how much we have to leave behind. Luckily I think we will be able to fit at least all of the essential items. I am scared for this trip but also excited.

Gaming came up with a friend today. I am still thinking about playing again, but I am committed to at least the 90 days without gaming. The reason being that when I start work I don't want every day to be work -> game -> sleep -> repeat because I have done that before and it's not healthy. I need to focus on meeting people and exploring the city after I move. I think if I start gaming again I will lose that motivation to live a more social lifestyle. I remember in high school when I would actually do activities with people and not just sit at home all day. I want to do stuff like that again.

Sleep: good

Exercise: good

 

 

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On 6/24/2020 at 2:13 AM, apatton090 said:

I remember in high school when I would actually do activities with people and not just sit at home all day. I want to do stuff like that again.

Do that man ❤️ There are 1000 ways to enjoy yourself in life, gaming is just one way you got accustomed to - but also remember how much gaming has also cost you and what it took away.

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Day #54

Without posting too many personal details, the move in went well. I start work tomorrow so I don't have much time to settle in. Things are still pretty hectic, but I think I can get by. I just need to take things one step at a time.

Sleep: goodish

Exercise: goodish

This morning I am grateful for:

* This large house that I can live in that shelters me and gives me space

* The fact that I am alive and well after my move and had no major issues

* The time I was able to spend with my mother, who was helping me move

* A chance to start over and discover my new life without gaming

* A chance to try new activities and make new friends

* The sunshine

Edited by apatton090
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Day #55

Good day today. First day on the job. Managed to get out of the house and get groceries as well. Sounds silly but I have a really hard time getting out of the house sometimes. One day at a time.

Sleep (10:30pm - 6:45am): want to get back to taking this seriously. I've been doing pretty well, but after switching to a different bed I've had some trouble sleeping. If I can't adjust to it after a week I'll look into getting a foam mattress cover this weekend.

Exercise: same as above. I need to start simple and easy. Like morning exercises and quick exercise breaks.

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1 hour ago, apatton090 said:

Day #55

Good day today. First day on the job. Managed to get out of the house and get groceries as well. Sounds silly but I have a really hard time getting out of the house sometimes. One day at a time.

Sleep (10:30pm - 6:45am): want to get back to taking this seriously. I've been doing pretty well, but after switching to a different bed I've had some trouble sleeping. If I can't adjust to it after a week I'll look into getting a foam mattress cover this weekend.

Exercise: same as above. I need to start simple and easy. Like morning exercises and quick exercise breaks.

Good luck with the new job. Moving stinks, but you'll be able to settle in slowly over the next few days. Just stay patient and pace yourself.

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Day #56

Good day today as well. Lost a bit of energy after a while. Working from home is kind of nice though. Today I did a couple chores after work. I'm taking things slow for now, don't want to push myself too hard in the beginning. Just little things every day.

Sleep: good

Exercise: good

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