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Well I don't care that much about the internet and ads. Sometimes, people mean well and actually want to help, others are just scam. Sometimes it can be difficult to differentiate, what is right and what isn't. 

What I have to say: @Jordan2020 Congrats for playing in moderation and gaining control over gaiming. I am not so sure about gaming in moderation over the long term and really would suggest to go away from it whatsover, but a feeling of control can be valuable.

The thing with self improvement: It is never really over. I improved in so many areas, but I see so many areas to still get better. And there is only one reason to make this self improvement. You improve yourself to fall in love with yourself. When I look back more than one year and looked in the mirror, I really hated that version of myself. This changed, I am starting to like my body. I like that my diet is better and that I have more self control overall. I just like myself a lot more. And this is what is it about. Making decisions I don't regret, working towards meaningful goals and having a feeling of control in my life. Things like a meaningful relationships are also goals of mine, but I never think about them too much. Eventually, I will achive that goal. 🙂
I don't think that your way of self improvement is over yet @Jordan2020 otherwise you would not call yourself ugly. Think about, what you are doing to yourself. You are one special individual. Treat yourself like this special precious thing. Unless you have three eyes and a weirdly shaped mouth, which can make your dating life a bit more complicated, I would not consider you ugly. Sure, there are people out there, who have it a lot harder, like serious appearance issues, which will make them less attractive. This is just a sad fact. If this is not the fact then you are blessed. But of course if you start looking, you will find flaws in yourself. I am not a very tall person, I have an eye disease called ptosis. Guess what, I dealed with the eye disease with a ton of training, it is almost not noticeable. And I am really not a big person, which also makes my dating life a bit harder. But guess what, I nailed chicks. 😄 

What I am saying is this: If you have serious flaws, which will make you "ugly" what I doubt then you have to deal with that. Can't make myself taller I guess. If it is something like overweight or no muscles, hit the gym. Always a good idea anyway for your health. But the most likely reason that you are not having success, is because of your social behaviour and your attitude. And that is something that you can change. What is not changing anything is to decide that this is just, how it is supposed to be and to decide to become depressive because of it. Keep fighting bro!!!!

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I know it sucks but honestly don't sweat the girlfriend issue while you're in high school. Believe me when I say that once you're out of that place, people behave completely differently. I didn't date anyone til I was 19 and then it was like the flood gates opened, lol. 

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Today is somewhat depressing. There is this new girl that told me she liked me and that she wanted to tell me a year ago when we went to spring break in Florida during a Christian group trip but then we got back and she found her now boyfriend a month after. She said she tried to look for me but couldn't find me. I am now really interested in her but it is hard for me to let it go because she tells me all this stuff she does with her boyfriend and I start thinking to myself I could have been that person and had all these things. I am too late and it doesn't help me. She is a good friend but I want to be more than that and I know it is wrong to want to take her away from her boyfriend but I am kinda jealous. Other than dealing with that today I am trying to not think about girls as much today and focus on myself and doing my school work and thinking about all the positive activities and events in my life. I don't really have friends which I want to improve somehow but I don't know how. Today there has been incidents with two different girls that I kinda know which made me feel worse about myself and my looks. There was a girl earlier at our school's printers and we were printing stuff off and I was looking out into the hall and she looked over at her friend and start whispering to her about me probably telling her friend that I was staring at her which I wasn't. Then there was another group of girls later who when I was going to the library they were about to sit down and I sat down and they said to each other lets go sit over there when there were several other chairs where I was. I am trying to not let it effect me and just trying to straighten my attitude right now and be as productive on my own as I can be and hoping the friends and relationships will come with time. By the way today is my 7th day of nofap I just beat my last streak of 6 days. Also I still am doing very well gaming in moderation.

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Kinda crappy for her to do that to you, to be honest. She knows you like her and vice versa but she tells you what she does with her boyfriend? That's not something a friend does. 

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Your father is religious you have mentioned. How do you reconcile your views with Christian laws on relationships with the opposite gender? Will you feel more confident if you decide you want to follow a more traditional approach of your ancestors? You can throw the girl issue out of your head and become a real man.

there is an unbendable truth about women in all cultures : they want security, security and security (financial, physical, mental). They will choose a more rugged reliable guy with whom they feel secure rather than a smooth womanizer who is at risk of becoming a delinquent.

Edited by Amphibian220
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Well today so far I think I am starting to get sick because my throat is sore and I am getting a headache. The other thing is I left earlier to go to school to hang out with the girl that I like and I keep getting really annoyed and I know she said she has a boyfriend. But every time I talk to her she brings up her boyfriend. During our 30min convo she brought her boyfriend up like 6 times and I don't like it. It makes me think of if I would have been able to be found easier a year ago she would have been dating me. She said she really liked me a year ago and wanted to date me but she couldn't find me and now I am too late. The things she says she is doing with her boyfriend could have been me. Now I have two girl issues I got the issue with the ex and this could have been girlfriend bothering me. My gaming is still going really good in moderation but I could improve in my procrastinating. I get out of school and working out and I have no more energy to work on my goals when I get home after school. 

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This past week I relapsed bad into my old self. I thought that I could play video games in moderation, but I fell back into getting my sense of progression from them and that felt amazing and I went back to playing all day everyday. I even skipped school 4 days last week. I went to school one day. Also because I felt bad about getting heavy into gaming and relapsing again so I went on a relapse on nofap as well. I am back now and today is my first day of not gaming and of nofap. I realized I am not going to go back to gaming this time until my 90 days are done and I will reevaluate no matter how much I think I can get back into moderation. I need to do these days first then evaluate. Also I am going to start doing something new on this journal I am going to do 3 gratitudes, 3 goals, 1 in relationships, 1 in wealth, and 1 in health every single day, also I am going to do identity by saying who I am going to be today.

Gratitudes: A family that wants the best for me, My dog is well again after her leg being broken for 2 months, My Florida trip in a few weeks.

Goals: Relationships- Try to talk to the girl that I did no contact with for 4 months, Wealth- Get caught up on school work and college stuff so I can make something of myself later, Health- Already somewhat started today with my morning routine with grooming myself and dressing myself well and clean, also I ate a very healthy breakfast. I ate 2 boiled eggs with apple oatmeal, some coffee, and a cup of milk. Later I am going to do an intensity workout at school in the weight room so.

Identity: Today I am going to be an action taker badass. Get everything knocked out at school and come home and do even more work on my self-improvement. Let's go!

Edited by Jordan2020
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Welcome Jordan! Its good that you are bouncing back. I had this discussion with Alexanderle on healthy versus unhealthy relapses (you can see it in the thread “how to really change your habits”) - last couple of posts.

From what I read in a number of journals, it is not possible to game in moderation. It will put you on your back sooner or later. 

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These past couple days have been awful I mean awful. My mind has been everywhere and I can't get my mind to calm down. It is like my body wants everything in my life to be perfect so I am constantly overanalyzing every little thing I do every single day and it takes all my energy just to that and it makes it so I can't have meaningful convos with friends, family, or even if I would find a potential girlfriend. I have created goals and priority lists and I don't know what is wrong still. My mind goes all over the place all day and I wish I could stop it. Besides that I keep also trying to justify playing games in my head which makes me even more tired due to the fact that, that takes a lot of willpower on my end. Also I keep seeing the same girl that dumped me 6hrs after telling me she loves me at school every single day and her ignoring me and cold shouldering me makes me feel worse. I really like her and she liked me for a short period of time and I just wish things could go back to the way they were with the touching and smiling and flirting she did with him. There is only a couple more months of school left and that is what makes me concerned that I won't be able to get her back. She is also a foreign exchange student and I am trying to reach out before she goes back. I was going to approach her on Monday and see what what things led to and if she would be open to talking but every time I see her she is with a group of friends. I want to walk up to her and just say hi. Also I have been procrastinating on a lot of my goals because I work my butt off at school and then I get home and I am too tired to do anything else but try to game or watch movies. I don't want to get a job for that reason even though a job would help out with a lot of goals. Also this morning my throat started to get sore so I hope I am not starting to get sick. That could be another reason for not wanting to do anything these past couple days my body has been fighting something. Overall I am on day 3 of my detox for nofap and gaming. Last night I watched the movie 40 days and 40 nights so that'll push me in the semen-retention movement even more. My mind is just everywhere right now. Hopefully I will find a way to calm it soon. 

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It is going to be alright man! I am sure it will. 

What are these goals and priority lists you are talking about? Are those things strong enough to make you invested and focused?

3 hours ago, Jordan2020 said:

There is only a couple more months of school left

Do you mean school overall or just like this year?

 

I have a theory that you already said to things, which you could start to focus on. Something which you said by yourself:

3 hours ago, Jordan2020 said:

It is like my body wants everything in my life to be perfect so I am constantly overanalyzing every little thing I do every single day and it takes all my energy just to that

 

3 hours ago, Jordan2020 said:

I don't want to get a job for that reason even though a job would help out with a lot of goals.

 

Maybe those are things to focus on. If your goals list or whatever is not something that is helping right now, change your goal list. Put some things back in the future and focus on other things. Prioritizing is back. Once you have success it can create an upward spiral and give you energy.

 

Overall, I am glad that you are still on the forum. We are here for you!

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