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Alexanderle

How to really change your habits...

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I know that I have a lot of problems, which is probably the reason, why I am here sharing stuff with you guys. Especially, when it comes to socially related things that involve other people. However, I know that I accomplished a lot of things this year individually, which were quite big game changers for me and I have some theories and ideas, why it was working out for me. I lost a lot of weight, started to eat healthy, exercised a lot more and recently, I became an early riser, take care of my skin and body regularly, do some yoga and work very hard for university. I also play less videogames. So therefore, I want to quickly share my expericence. If just one person is benefiting from that I think it was worth to do it.

1. You have to change your identiy. 

I think that many people look only at numbers and outcomes. When it comes to changes, you should not focus on the number, how much weight you lost or how muscular you became. It is more about a mindset shit and a new identity. I am convinced that a nerdy couchpotato will never be able to have a regular fitness routine and eat very healthy. Because I think that at the moment, where those things become a reality, this person is not a couchpotato anymore, but actually a fitnessfreak and healthy eater. Ofc those terms are used very vagualy, so I don´t want to get to deep into definitions. But the shift comes from within. One month ago, I found out that other people actually have written about stuff like that before. So, luckily, I figured it out for myself. But in case you want to read more, check out "Identity-Based Habits: How to Actually Stick to Your Goals This Year" by James Clear. You can find a free article, but there is also a book. Really good stuff and basically, what I have also experienced.

2. It only takes 5 seconds

Mel Robbins 5 second rule can really get you going. You basically just count down from 5 to 1 and then just do it, whatever you want, whether it is rising up from bed or doing something useful. Just do it. Check out her Ted-talk. Really inspiring! Definitely helped me to get going a bit. But ofc I am not only relying on that. For instance, I don´t need it to rise early. I just do it, because my mindset kinda wants me to do it. ^^

3. It is ok

There was some article that stated how important it is to come down and relax in case, you messed up or did something wrong. Just saying "it is ok" to yourself in those situations can be really helpful. You are only human. Failing is natural. Unfortunately, I have no idea, what the article was called that discussed those "three magic words". xD

4. Take care of yourself

I recently started to get into grooming, skin care etc. I also eat quite healthy. Being obsessed with these things can really help you to feel a lot better. It is actually kinda fun to be against sweets and to actually hate them. I feel so much better by trying to eat good, clean food and to work out. Makes a difference in my opinion.

5. Be patient

Changes take time. Therefore, it is important to not only focus on the results. For instance, I never really measured my weight routinely. So it never really mattered, whether I was loosing or gaining weight. But over time, ofc I lost some, almost without noticing. Focus more on your inner mindset and identity, which links back to the first point, seems to be the more sustainable solution for me.

 

Yeah those where just some things, which I wanted to share here. Maybe it will help someone, to get a new perspective on things. Ofc those were only my personal experiences. So do, whatever helps you.

Take care!
Alex

Edited by Alexanderle
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Hey thats good stuff! I read James Clears book atomic habits and it is really amazing! 

How do you think you are supposed to apply this identity shift? Is it something you actively do or does it happen over time? Should I write down stuff like " I am a hard worker , I am a fitness freak " or how would you tackle it?

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 I guess you should do, whatever helps you. For me right now, I just really believe in it. And I mean I REALLY believe that I am an early riser and hard worker etc. It seems only logical to wake up early and get shit done. But for some areas, this is more difficult for me than others. And I think as long as you feel like you miss something, it is still attached to your old identity. James Clears said, we are proving our identity to us with our behaviours and habits. They are like a mirror. So I think, it is this fine balance between really believing in the new identity and then proving it with your habits. But it should really never be based on outcomes. Not only did James Clears say that, I also experienced it. It you only go to the gym in order to look good for other people, you will really not stick to it. 100 %. This whole thing is entirely a dialogue between you and youself. May sound weird, but it is true for me. Actually you are doing this to impress your "second you". Self love is really important in this. You clean your appartment, you work out, you eat healthy, you take care of yourself, because you think that you deserve it. 

For me personally, I really started with my diet one year ago. Those constant diet adjustments really proved me this: Not only am I able to stick to healthy diet routines, I also have some degree of self control. Especially for us former gamers (in my case still a gamer unfortunately), we are struggling with self control and really believe that we are incapable to resist things, since our addiction is actually made by design: Developers design games that they bring us in a state of flow, this balance between perfect level of challenge and perfect perceived level of "easiness". There must be a reason, why so many of us also don't workout, eat healthy and have a porn addiction. We just believe, we are incapable to resist it. It is therefore useful to start with something, does not have to be your diet, which you feel comfortable to do. This could create a chain reaction, where you get this confidence that you have self control and now can apply it for other areas of your life. I started with my diet changes one year ago, but only a couple of weeks earlier did I really start to become a passionate worker. So for some areas it might be easy, for others I will be harder, because your identity is still attached to it. For crying out loud, some of these habits are things, we did for years or even decades! But believe me this: You can develop self control. Big time. This is something, I don't believe. I know!

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Alexanderle, very well thought out, insightful post.

 

i dropped games long ago (6 years ago), but anxiety and sadness returned from time to time because i could not become financiallt independent of my parents, lacked social skills and felt embarassed of my failures.

But the things i do everyday are getting better. Sharing on this forum actually helps a lot. My one trouble area is how to stop myself from wandering off into pointless thoughts (daydreaming). If i target this weakness, i will improve a lot.

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