Jump to content

NEW VIDEO: My tour was cancelled (vlog)

Sign in to follow this  
Alexanderle

How to really change your habits...

Recommended Posts

I know that I have a lot of problems, which is probably the reason, why I am here sharing stuff with you guys. Especially, when it comes to socially related things that involve other people. However, I know that I accomplished a lot of things this year individually, which were quite big game changers for me and I have some theories and ideas, why it was working out for me. I lost a lot of weight, started to eat healthy, exercised a lot more and recently, I became an early riser, take care of my skin and body regularly, do some yoga and work very hard for university. I also play less videogames. So therefore, I want to quickly share my expericence. If just one person is benefiting from that I think it was worth to do it.

1. You have to change your identiy. 

I think that many people look only at numbers and outcomes. When it comes to changes, you should not focus on the number, how much weight you lost or how muscular you became. It is more about a mindset shift and a new identity. I am convinced that a nerdy couchpotato will never be able to have a regular fitness routine and eat very healthy. Because I think that at the moment, where those things become a reality, this person is not a couchpotato anymore, but actually a fitnessfreak and healthy eater. Ofc those terms are used very vaguely, so I don´t want to get to deep into definitions. But the shift comes from within. One month ago, I found out that other people actually have written about stuff like that before. So, luckily, I figured it out for myself. But in case you want to read more, check out "Identity-Based Habits: How to Actually Stick to Your Goals This Year" by James Clear. You can find a free article, but there is also a book. Really good stuff and basically, what I have also experienced.

2. It only takes 5 seconds

Mel Robbins 5 second rule can really get you going. You basically just count down from 5 to 1 and then just do it, whatever you want, whether it is rising up from bed or doing something useful. Just do it. Check out her Ted-talk. Really inspiring! Definitely helped me to get going a bit. But ofc I am not only relying on that. For instance, I don´t need it to rise early. I just do it, because my mindset kinda wants me to do it. ^^

3. It is ok

There was some article that stated how important it is to come down and relax in case, you messed up or did something wrong. Just saying "it is ok" to yourself in those situations can be really helpful. You are only human. Failing is natural. Unfortunately, I have no idea, what the article was called that discussed those "three magic words". xD

4. Take care of yourself

I recently started to get into grooming, skin care etc. I also eat quite healthy. Being obsessed with these things can really help you to feel a lot better. It is actually kinda fun to be against sweets and to actually hate them. I feel so much better by trying to eat good, clean food and to work out. Makes a difference in my opinion.

5. Be patient

Changes take time. Therefore, it is important to not only focus on the results. For instance, I never really measured my weight routinely. So it never really mattered, whether I was loosing or gaining weight. But over time, ofc I lost some, almost without noticing. Focus more on your inner mindset and identity, which links back to the first point, seems to be the more sustainable solution for me.

 

Yeah those where just some things, which I wanted to share here. Maybe it will help someone, to get a new perspective on things. Ofc those were only my personal experiences. So do, whatever helps you.

Take care!
Alex

Edited by Alexanderle
  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey thats good stuff! I read James Clears book atomic habits and it is really amazing! 

How do you think you are supposed to apply this identity shift? Is it something you actively do or does it happen over time? Should I write down stuff like " I am a hard worker , I am a fitness freak " or how would you tackle it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I guess you should do, whatever helps you. For me right now, I just really believe in it. And I mean I REALLY believe that I am an early riser and hard worker etc. It seems only logical to wake up early and get shit done. But for some areas, this is more difficult for me than others. And I think as long as you feel like you miss something, it is still attached to your old identity. James Clears said, we are proving our identity to us with our behaviours and habits. They are like a mirror. So I think, it is this fine balance between really believing in the new identity and then proving it with your habits. But it should really never be based on outcomes. Not only did James Clears say that, I also experienced it. It you only go to the gym in order to look good for other people, you will really not stick to it. 100 %. This whole thing is entirely a dialogue between you and youself. May sound weird, but it is true for me. Actually you are doing this to impress your "second you". Self love is really important in this. You clean your appartment, you work out, you eat healthy, you take care of yourself, because you think that you deserve it. 

For me personally, I really started with my diet one year ago. Those constant diet adjustments really proved me this: Not only am I able to stick to healthy diet routines, I also have some degree of self control. Especially for us former gamers (in my case still a gamer unfortunately), we are struggling with self control and really believe that we are incapable to resist things, since our addiction is actually made by design: Developers design games that they bring us in a state of flow, this balance between perfect level of challenge and perfect perceived level of "easiness". There must be a reason, why so many of us also don't workout, eat healthy and have a porn addiction. We just believe, we are incapable to resist it. It is therefore useful to start with something, does not have to be your diet, which you feel comfortable to do. This could create a chain reaction, where you get this confidence that you have self control and now can apply it for other areas of your life. I started with my diet changes one year ago, but only a couple of weeks earlier did I really start to become a passionate worker. So for some areas it might be easy, for others I will be harder, because your identity is still attached to it. For crying out loud, some of these habits are things, we did for years or even decades! But believe me this: You can develop self control. Big time. This is something, I don't believe. I know!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alexanderle, very well thought out, insightful post.

 

i dropped games long ago (6 years ago), but anxiety and sadness returned from time to time because i could not become financiallt independent of my parents, lacked social skills and felt embarassed of my failures.

But the things i do everyday are getting better. Sharing on this forum actually helps a lot. My one trouble area is how to stop myself from wandering off into pointless thoughts (daydreaming). If i target this weakness, i will improve a lot.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

sorry did not see the response @Amphibian220 ^^

i know that one with the thoughts. still happening to me during lectures. kinda annoying. but not my most important thing to focus on right now. 

6 yrs! that is truly Incredible. respect. never relapsed?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Alexanderle,

Never relapsed but here is the thing: time wasting is time wasting no matter how I try to disguise it to myself. I am only ever tricking myself, not parents or friends.

I got into a job that had a lot of down time. More than 50 per cent of the time I had no work to do. Initially i tried to study work related material, but because I doubted it would be necessary I slipped into “internet browsing”, social network, etc.

From that I figured I needed a job that would require near 100 per cent of my time and bring a great sense of achievement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have found a job that will keep me focused close to 100 percent. It will involve contact with people. 

Whether it will bring a sense of achievement. From my past experience and tracking progress in my diary: definitely will. The only threat is overloading myself. It will most likely be hard.

Which is why diet, exercise, sleep, family support have to be on a good level

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anna, what do you think about finding peers with the right kind of mindset (good habits). You are then subjected to peer pressure to follow the right kind of habits.

I have a very narrow circle, my family and a teacher. Everybody else I talk to is a very limited interaction (nothing beyond small talk)

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@AnnaCarter I know, I couldnt agree more. So change yourself. Change your identity. Change everything what you want. The habits will follow eventually. Just flip it around. 🙂 You are stronger than you think. I know it, because I have seen it myself. And I considered myself to be the most lazy fuck in the world. If a shithead like me can do it, you can do it.

@Amphibian220 If you only are doing smalltalk with other people that change your habits, learn how to improve your small talk. I am doing that by myself. There is actually a purpose for smalltalk: To find common areas and things you have in common. https://socialpronow.com/blog/conversation-starters-interesting-smalltalk-topics/ this is a good article about small talk. Just do it man. Like I am trying to do it. Lets become smalltalk pros!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Habits gain a life of their own when they are ancillary to a breakthrough idea.

Basically they become so essential to realize your life goal, that there is no doubt in you as to “what for?”

When I had my first PC, it was in the age of 56 kilobyte internet. 

I once came to my friend’s house and was greeted by his Dad that had a childlike smile on his face. “I hacked the connection and got a free telephone line with Moscow’” He exclaimed. He handed me the handset to listen to the person on the other end in Russia. 

If you guys knew how much international calls cost in those years, this was a big deal. But If at that time somebody would have told me that international calls (including video calls) would become free in 10 years’ time I’d have difficulty believing that. Video calls were a privilege of journalists and government officials in those days.

All I know is that in the 90s there happened this dotcom bubble. Investments into internet technology were pouring in from all sorts of entrepreneurs who held hopes they would pay off. Commercial Satellites were being launched into space, computer and telecommunications architecture being advanced, novel website features tested and implemented. Many businesses went bust, but the winners that stayed afloat were able to buy up the assets of bankrupt entreprises at knockdown prices.

This is the thing, there had to be all these overenthusiastic risk takers for you to have this internet technology that beats wildest imaginations.

When I was completing my dissertation thesis in 2011 I spotted a profitable business line in the legal profession. I took it to one law firm that was impressed with my idea. They did not want to take it though. I lacked in communication and presentation skills, but my idea still holds today. Reading Dirac’s posts I came onto something else too. You have to be in the know (at least in the legal profession) and have good connections for the business to work. Without the life energy, ability to convince others, can do attitude, discipline, crucial allies your great business plan wilk be hampered and fail.

Networking or socializing is so important and underrated! You are meeting all those people with a chance that you will taste true life.

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
On 12/4/2019 at 6:36 PM, Alexanderle said:

1. You have to change your identiy. 

i kinda disagree with this. one of my biggest problems that made me suffer a lot was that i wanted to create a new me. and one sentence from a movie changed me "...listen , all i know is the mistakes I've made and ladies I've laid made me who i am today and if i go back in time and relive it differently i wouldn't be me , and i like me..." . see , you gotta accept that you weather made a lots of mistakes or simply didn't live the way you wanted to live. so i accepted who i was , i started to love myself instead hate myself. so who i am now is me only with good new habits. not new identity.

   

but i pretty much use other advises especially 5 second rule

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Reza

Change is constant whether you like it or not. What Alexanderle is talking about is making little choices each day that move you in the right direction. Or you can make the little choices that will move you in the wrong direction.

You are always changing slowly, but some major events in your life can make accelerated drastic changes of your character. 

That percentage of people that never look to improve their health, skills, knowledge end up nowhere.

Interestingly, I agree that the mistakes that you’ve made are actually helping you. They are part of you in that you can see what is wrong and not repeat them (video games) and do the right thing.

Edited by Amphibian220

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
10 minutes ago, Amphibian220 said:

Change is constant whether you like it or not. What Alexanderle is talking about is making little choices each day that move you in the right direction. Or you can make the little choices that will move you in the wrong direction.

you are absolutely right , and what i said it not the opposite of what you are saying 😀

as i said , i changed , i have new habits , good habits but my identity didn't change. it's just a better me and if i did right choices or wrong choices they lead me here , at this point where i am living in the right path.  

On 12/4/2019 at 6:36 PM, Alexanderle said:

It is more about a mindset shift and a new identity

i have a new mindset , i see things different now . it's more about me changing bad habits not me changing me , as i mentioned i struggled a lot with this because i couldn't accept that i went wrong for so long. do you get my point?😀 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@reza Mrb I woukd say it depends on the degree, how much change you want in your life. If your goal is just to eat a little bit less in the evening, you are not really changing my identity. But for me, I turned from a bad eater into a healthy eater, from a gamer to a non gamer, from a procrastinator to a hard worker. Those are drastic changes. If I still would view myself as lazy, I really woukd have a hard time to be productive. But I proved to myself that I am capable to work hard without distraction. And this also changed me as who I am and as what I see myself. And if we make changes to our life, im my opinion, we change our identity as well. Ofc I can also view myself as an upgraded version of myself. That is also fine. But I could argue that this upgraded version is already someone else. Even though just a little bit different.

And I agree regarding self love. This is important. Actually this is tge motor of everything. I mean my healthy habits, my weight loss, my routines and my grooming stuff, isn't this a way od appreciating myself and showing myself some love? 

Ofc I am still me, but I changed so much. And I am happy about it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

wow congratulations on you achievements!

well said . to be honest , now i think the person i want to be is far different from who i am now. and i think i was wrong about that 😄 though i did some really good stuff after i quit gaming but i am still at the beginning of my way.

i guess you had some thoughts and things that kept your mind busy during this possess. how did you (or do you) deal with your mind? i feel like i am a bit mentally weak and my mind get's busy for small things.

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@reza Mrb

What strengthens mentality.

From my experience:

1) No music, No cinema, No video games, No internet (except gamequitters).

2) Confronting people or difficult issues, expressing your feelings and thoughts (hard to do but pays off the most)

3) studying moments that cause you to go back to bad habits and pre-empting them (Jay, BooksandTrees, Cam Adair all shared perspectives on that). For example, if you have friends that pressure you to game or drink alcohol, find better friends.

4) Going to the doctor to solve health issues even if you are afraid.

5) Make a plan to change your routines if you fall ill or feel tired etc. Back up plans save you from going back to bad habits.

6) Reading good books! 

Edited by Amphibian220
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@reza Mrb I think those self improvements are possible through the fact, that I proved myself being capable to resist short term gratification. It started, when I almost entirely quit sugar. I think I have not eaten ice cream for more than a year now. ^^ While this is not a strategy for everyone, it helped me to improve and get the confidence in myself to do so. 

Regarding my mind: I am a complete mess. xD Sure I am finally capable to look into the mirror and really like, what I see. I am now proud in myself for my achivements. That is already a huge step. Not gaming was easy for me. I kinda just stopped because, like you said, I was busy with so many other things. And I still am. However, I am also not where I want to be. My biggest struggles are my anxieties, mostly social and my overall social incapabilities. But this is also improving. But like I always say: It is a process.

Maybe you are mentally weak. Could be. So do something about it. Baby steps, I suggest. Start with something easy. If you are capable to for instance resist fast food, than do that. Or whatever temptation is out there. Something that is not so hard for you, but makes a difference anyway. Just find ways to prove yourself that you are actually not mentally weak. At some point, you will become mentally strong. 

For me, I really struggle with anxiety in lectures. I have trouble to talk to other people, I feel stalked all the time and I am just nervous. Guess what, I still attend those lectures. I attended one today and in like 2 hours, I will attend a voluntary lecture, which is not related to my subject. It has been shown that when you expose yourself to the subject of terror, it is not that the subject becomes less terrifying or something, you just become stronger. Maybe as a result of that, it appears less terrifying, but whatever. It is really about exposure and trying to progress. Not, where it is hurtful and completely terrifying, but also not where it is too easy or boring. Somewhere in the middle.

And always remind yourself that it is a process. Failure can happen, relapse can happen. This is not necessarily a proof that you are weak, but just that you are human. What makes you strong, is to still continue.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Thank You Both . Very helpful.

I'd say if i start with stop listening to music and movies is better for the first step . let's see how it goes for a weak 🙂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow respect, for me that would be a tough one. I just love music. Even though I have to say that I have seen very bad bodily reaction from myself when listening to Hitman soundtracks. Like sincerely made me aggressive. 😕 Besides, I just would not be able to stop with it right now.

But, if this is working for you than go for it. For sure worth a try.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...