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The emoji in the title sums up my situation right now perfectly.

 

Hi guys. I have been here before, yet I relapsed. My name's Valerie and I'm 18. I live in Britain, Hampshire. Basically when I first quit, I replaced my laptop with a Chromebook and I immersed myself in the helpful tips from this community and from Cam in particular. I did this particularly because I was a likely candidate for Oxford, so I decided to quit gaming to focus all of my efforts on getting in. So I got the offer from them, studied hard, pretty much forgot about gaming, rediscovered a love for reading and for writing, had my exams and, although I didn't yet get the results, I have an inkling I did well enough. I will begin studying English Literature at Oxford this October, and I hope to become an author in the future.

That said, I recently started my summer holiday. A long one, too. From 17 June to 1 October. I have been keeping up pretty well, reading about 5 or so books since the holiday started... But I'm relapsing. Well, at this point, I relapsed. Way before my holiday, I met a guy whom I now adore and we are in a pretty good relationship. 'Problem' is, he's a gamer. I wouldn't want to give him up, but he's an Overwatch scrub and I go over to him rather often. Whenever I came over, I would play Heroes of the Storm and League of Legends on his computer-- yet at first, as some of you (or all of you? not sure how common this is) can relate, you see the game for what it is: uninteresting, toxic, and boring repetition. Frustrating. Just not worth your time. But every additional match makes you like it more for whatever fucking reason. And then eventually you're in.

So I asked my boyfriend (he works in IT) if he could please fix my previous laptop (since it breaking was another motivating factor to quit). He did this Saturday. And basically I have been playing League non-stop.

My problem right now is that I am divided in a way that I don't remember ever being. Emotionally, I want to play. When the night falls and I have nothing to do, I get excited just thinking about playing. But rationally, I know it's a bad idea. I have so much I want to read. I want my life to go in such a different direction.

Yet I am not sure I have the willpower to stop. I feel like a drug addict who went clean and then suddenly got a taste for their fave drug again. Like even though I played obsessively only one day, it felt like it tapped into such a deep network, such a well-entrenched past. It's almost like that past never went away, but I merely dusted it off. I nearly cried yesterday at the prospect of losing control again, at having my mind go foggy again 24/7 except when I'm gaming, at being consumed again by this division between my emotional craving for gaming and my rational, guilt-stricken side that wants to do good by me.

I guess this post is a call for help. Part of me just wants to play. I really don't want to be here in a way. This is the rational me reaching out. But I just feel so cheated out by not indulging. Yeah um.

Please help.

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9 minutes ago, sephinea said:

Yet I am not sure I have the willpower to stop. I feel like a drug addict who went clean and then suddenly got a taste for their fave drug again.

You ARE an addict. Most of us here are. If you want to stop doing something and you don't have the power to stop yourself from doing it, you are an addict. The sooner you identify yourself as an addict the sooner you can take steps to break your addiction. For me this was a very important distinction in my personal journey.

My advice is to create the greatest distance you can between you and games. You need to delete the games off your laptop today. Remove all games from your environment. Try having a serious talk with your bf and explain that you can't be around video games when you are together. He doesn't need to stop gaming, just no games when you are spending time together. Don't talk about games while together also. That shouldn't be too much to ask for. Being surrounded by triggers for your addiction is kind of a bad idea and one day you will relapse.

Hope that helps, best of luck 😃

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Welcome back @sephinea the game addiction is totally real, here below is what helped me to achieve my detox take what works for you best of luck - I plan to begin my digital detox from devices & internet tomorrow.

For your reference to help along the way here is ..
A welcoming statement :230_hatched_chick:
In preparation for a 90 day detox and beyond ..
First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind ..
This includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! ..
Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add.

Getting rid of the games for good enabled me to finish the detox strong, consider that.
After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time!
Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep ..
NUTRITION - big minefield of controversy I personally am behind a plant-based diet ..
This upcoming documentary backed by Producers Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jackie Chan ..
Check it out ✌️ I won't respond in forum to this topic but you are welcome to message me ..
Find some hobbies to replace the time gained ..

https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/
Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..
https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templates
https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/
Do consider checking out the Respawn program offered here as well ..
For what little cost think about that return on investment! ..

Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..
Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..
Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.
Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions ..
You might not identify as an addict and that is fine ..
If you are here for any reason to quit video games that is still a benefit to you
Thank you for signing up and joining our united cause to make the most of our time --
Give this your best and I am sure you will do well :93_punch:
Welcome to the forums!!

Neil,  Ex-Gamer Addict,  Gamequitters Member :1602_bicyclist_tone3:
Direct Message Me,  Discord Support Chat

Article: How To Quit Playing Video Games :1517_runner_tone3:
Article: Four Reasons We Played Video Games
Article: Alternative Activities By Game Genre :1582_surfer_tone3:

Article: Why You Should Detox
Find a Video Game Addiction Therapist :1512_walking_tone3:
Download A Gamequitters Podcast
Read A Gamequitters Blog 👓

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Yeah I hear you.

You would end up SO much better if you start going different path early. Look, I have been there, and belive me, it sucks. Doesnt matter how many times you fall, it matters that you get up again and keep walking. You will be thankfull to your younger self for that.

(Reminds me of smoking by the way -- when you relapse at first you think that cigarette smells and makes you dizzy. Cigeretes are awfull and you will never smoke another one. But slowly cigarette after cigarette, excuse after excuse you are drawn at the very place you began from -- full addiction)

Edited by Neman

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Thank you everyone. But perhaps one big issue is, how do I deal with the fact that I don't wanna give up? 

I remember the pain of self-denial for the first cooling off months if you will. I suppose I'm not ready to feel that again. Besides, when I started playing again, it made me realise how comparatively bleak my life had been until now.

Idk.

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22 hours ago, sephinea said:

Thank you everyone. But perhaps one big issue is, how do I deal with the fact that I don't wanna give up? 

I remember the pain of self-denial for the first cooling off months if you will. I suppose I'm not ready to feel that again. Besides, when I started playing again, it made me realise how comparatively bleak my life had been until now.

Idk.

Consider your options here. It's going to be difficult, really difficult to stop playing while in a relationship with a gamer. However, it's perfectly understandable that you would want to maintain your relationship regardless. What you're going to have to look at here is, what do you want? What do you really want out of life. 

Take some time and ask yourself why it is you think you game. Well all have our own reasons. At the end of the day, we've all decided it's better that we don't game, otherwise why come to this community. 

I know this may not be the best advise, but while gaming, try to show yourself some compassion. When you retreat from gaming from a negative motivation, it's a lot harder to maintain. Try and find positive reasons to substitute your gaming experience with. Be that a feeling or another activity. I often recommend board games as a stepping stone and or joining a local sport.

The thing with this kind of addiction is that it never 100% goes away but it absolutely changes and for the better.    

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