Ambassador 121 Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Fight for yourself before you may fight for anything else. I know, this sentence might come out as an egotistical statement, but it is not. At least not in the context of of a person managing a serious addiction that threatens to ruin her life, because here the person isn't fighting against other people for some selfish goal, she is fighting against herself all along. And for a noble goal. That person is fighting to turn her worst enemy, herself, into her best friend. Know thyself. Become what thou art. Today I decided to start this journal. I was resisting this because I was afraid I would lose interest in it and stop writing, but that assumes the worst outcome possible to this new journey of mine: that I'm going to fail, that I'm going to relapse. That is because the only reason for me to lose interest in something that actively benefits myself right now would be if I went back to compulsive gaming, which had the power to make me lose interest on about everything, from hobbies, to passions, to people. And which I am not going to, anymore. I was also resisting because I was assuming I would break the commitment to myself that a journal takes, that I would not write everyday, that I wouldn't be strong enough for that. After all, what good is a journal that is not worked on every day? Journal, the word, comes from the Proto-Indo-European root dyeu (to shine), through the Latin dies (day), and the French jour. Italian for it is giornale. Portuguese uses diário, closer to diary, which comes directly from the Latin root. A journal with no daily entries is a contradiction, and I strive for consistency. Thus, daily entries, no matter how puny and ridiculous they might be, must ensue. It has been 21 days since I started my first 90 days detox try. Before that, I have tried several times, without success, to moderate my gaming time, to game responsibly, and deep down I still wish I can some say manage to do it. But now, after finding Game Quitters community and Cam's work on the subject, I know I can't simply trust my rational brain to manage it. Know yourself. I don't trust myself with games, I'll not trust myself to game again for a long time, certainly not before I achieve my most immediate goals, which aren't trivial. I must conclude my graduation thesis, that has been delayed for about a decade because of my addiction, I must prepare myself for the Bar exam that will follow, even though it has been years since I seriously looked into a law book, and I must get myself to at the very least an intermediate level in French, from being an absolute beginner. If I still want to try gaming responsibly after all of that have been taken care of, then I'll give it a try. If not... Become that what you are. But for that, you must forget what isn't you anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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