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14 hours ago, James Good said:

The Complete Poetry Works of A. M. Bassador

HA! That gave me a good laughter, thank you! Well, who knows! I have little stomach to practice law, but I still need to eat...

And, hey, English isn't dumb, it just need a good spelling reform, I guess. Funny how it managed to go without any major one.

Thank you for your support, @James Good!

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Cracking fingers

Today I relaxed a lot about my thesis, and shouldn't do it again so soon. I spend the whole day looking into freelancer platforms and working on some artistic texts. I can't afford to lose focus like that again, my main priority isn't to go after the Nobel on literature, is to write my damn thesis!

At least the flu is almost over, no major coughing crisis today, only minor events. Finally.

GF came, we watched Chernobyl together, mostly, as she falls asleep sometimes. I think the liquidators will get her hooked, next time.

As promised, I'll show the work I did yesterday. Here it is:

Spoiler

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I'm particularly proud of the pic, but the sonnet isn't too shabby. What do you think?

Onward and proud-ish.

Edited by Ambassador
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Absolute poetry rhymes absolutely

No joke. Well, half-joking, maybe. Thing is: for my thesis I write mostly about politics. Otherwise I write some verses here and there. And it seems to be working pretty well for me, as a way to balance things out. Today I finished sorting my sources out. I have a huge spreadsheet with links and titles to refer too whenever I need them, and any new one can go directly there. No more 1000 tabs open, slowing down the browser, no more "where did I put that bookmark?". Now I'll focus my efforts on writing the damn thesis, once and for all!

Whenever I'm not at it, though... creative writing. And maybe some photography, but nothing too fancy. I set up a gig on Fiverr to sell poetry hoping to earn some extra buck, but I have low expectations about it since I have no means to promote it. Matters not. Whatever comes, I'll take. If nothing comes, I'll write for myself. Just because I can.

Onward, word by word!

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A little sad for someone I never met

Didn't do much on my thesis today. I should rectify this tomorrow. Did some poetry, at the very least.

On the news today was a girl called Noa Pothoven. Really sad story, and for many reasons. Can't even begin to fathom what kind of pain could led someone so young to have her assisted suicide approved by family and medics.

Will keep it short. Going to meditate on life and plan what I'm going to do tomorrow.

Still onward.

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Plans needed

I did not plan my day yesterday. Resulting of this, I didn't do anything productive today, except for writing poetry, which is fine but doesn't advance any of my long term goals. THIS. NEEDS. TO. CHANGE.

Tomorrow, my day will start with a revision of my thesis' project, followed by some related reading and note taking. Late morning will see me doing some French lessons. Afternoon will be about writing my thesis all along. Only after 17h is that I'm allowed to browse news and write anything unrelated to my thesis.

I have a plan and I follow it through. That's what I am, now. That's what I do.

REVISION

READING

FRENCH

WRITING THESIS

Onward and determined.

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Plans work, keep planning

Time is relentless. Whether or not you accomplish your goals, it will never stop. If you are not getting the results you want, you must act upon whatever you have control over and try to change things. People will constantly try to get some of your time to themselves and, if there's a choice for you, you must decide if it's worth to give it away.

Half of my objectives for the day were completed. Did the revision, which took me more time than I anticipated it would, did French, wrote a little bit. Didn't to the reading and note taking, which is postponed for tomorrow morning. Tomorrow afternoon will see me going out with GF, she wants to go to a traditional festival we have this time of the year. I'm not fond of that festival, but she is important to me and it's for her that I'm going, and I'm going to be a pleasant company. To compensate, I'll wake up earlier to do more stuff in the morning. Will also do some more French late morning.

Also did some poetry today, although the result didn't quite please me. It's Ok, the streak is good for itself, although I'm not worried about it, as keeping it isn't even an objective of mine. I keep writing everyday as an exercise and a hobby. Of course, some days are better than others. And, as a bonus, I think I'm getting better at editing images. Petty edition on paint.net, yes, but it's something I never thought I would enjoy as much as I am.

Tomorrow:

READING + NOTES

FRENCH

HAVE FUN WITH GF

Onward and content.

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Sometimes plans go out of the window, but that's Ok, keep planning

Woke up not as early as I would have liked. Still managed to work quite a bit in the morning, but forgot to take French lessons. Did reading, did very useful notes. Had lots of fun with GF, although not at the festival, cause rain didn't let us go. Funny thing is that the rain poured heavily while I went to her home grab her. We decided not to go to the festival because it's open air, so we came to my place, all under the storm. After we got here, though, it didn't take long for the rain to stop. Well, I already had set up something for us to watch. Whatever. It was fun all the same. We'll go next weekend, it's a whole month of festivities.

Tomorrow morning I'll help mum make a pie. Then I'll keep my reading + notes program, and do some French. Evening will be GF's.

MUM

READING + NOTES

FRENCH

GF

Onward, with plans.

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Quick entry

Didn't work on my thesis today, but I'm not too upset by it. Should have done French, though. Didn't. Had minor setbacks, but tomorrow there's no excuse. At the very least, the pie ended up amazing. And GF and I had a lot of fun together.

Tomorrow:

READING + NOTES

FRENCH

WRITING

Onward.

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Stuck

Didn't do reading and notes, neither did I write my thesis. Dammit. I made a twitter account with the intent of posting poetry, but it has been eating my time away. I feel I'm a bit stuck right now. I need to refocus. I want to keep writing other stuff, but I need to establish a bare minimum number of hours each day that I'll dedicate to my thesis alone. And I need to wake up earlier to make the most of the morning.

At the very least I did French. Also wrote a poem I'm kinda proud of.

Spoiler

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My country doesn't celebrate Valentine day at February 14, instead it's June 12. So, This week I'll be writing exclusively about it. And I need to make something special that I'll print and give to my GF. Problem is: I'm not as inspired as I was being last week. I really need to refocus.

Sideways and stuck.

 

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Unstucking

Didn't do any work on my thesis. Again. Did French, did good poetry. But the thesis should be prioritized. Yet, I see myself procrastinating all day long. It can't be like that for much more time. Bu how do I unstuck myself from this mud valley of "not feeling like it"? I need to look back to my most deep values, I need to clarify my objectives. there's something not quite right about it. I should be working quite happily, I really like the subject, I enjoy the readings, I have no problem writing... what the heck is wrong? Can't tell, for the life of me...

Tomorrow I'll probably not work much, either. Valentine's day, here, I'll spend a lot of time planning my date with GF. It's gonna be fine, it's justified. But the day after tomorrow should see me back on track.

Still sideways.

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Quick entry

Just to not skip a day. Really tired. Did some reading, but no notes and din't write. But had a great time with GF, and I'm totally fine with it.

Tomorrow I'm back to my normal schedule.

Onward!

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Quick entry 2, the return

Did some reading, actually some extensive reading, but no notes. Did French. Had two birthday parties to attend. My head aches. Need to sleep.

Friends want to hang out tomorrow. Long time no see type of thing. Problem is, gaming is likely to be involved. I'll resist. I had good talent to give excuses to game more, I probably will find some good excuse to not game.

Onward.

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Missed two entries

Friday I did some French and some reading. I went to hang out with my friends, we ended up at a bar, got some beers and chatted a lot. Got home something like 3 AM, so I didn't write here.

Saturday I spent the day with my GF, since she was going to travel Sunday morning to take the entry test for her master's degree. I did French but nothing else. Ended up sleeping early because I had to take GF to the airport at 4 AM, so I also didn't write here.

Today I did French, read and wrote some things, but nothing relevant.

I feel physically exhausted after those intense days, waking up early and sleeping really late, but I'm also relaxed. I hope I can compensate tomorrow for the lack of major work these days.

Onward.

 

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Habits die quickly

Forgot to write yesterday. Yes, I was tired and all of that, but I don't give excuses anymore. Even though My entries have been smaller and more superficial than before, I don't want to let this habit die. In fact, I want to improve it. Thing is: while bad habits are easy to form and hard to kill, good ones are the opposite. I must watch myself.

Lately, I'm having some cravings. My routine has not been ideal this last week, and I think both things are related. I still find myself procrastinating a lot about my task. French is the only one I've been consistent on the last 10 days or so. I've been writing fewer poems as well. I believe making a twitter account was a mistake and although I've been successful at limiting my time at it, it still isn't good for me. I'll probably end up deleting or disabling this account. I need to revert to the basics, refocus on my priorities, go back to the clarity I had when I was sick. Maybe the trick for success is to get the flu?

Confused, but onward, I guess.

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Unplugging

Years ago, around 2012, I decided to ditch Facebook. I was getting away from a short but kinda toxic relationship and the breakup ended up involving some of my friends. I still liked the girl and the separation was taxing me. On top of that, I already didn't like FB policies and the profuse amount of superficiality, cheap drama, lies and uneducated strong opinions always made me wary of social media. So, I ditched it, even with the complaints of friends and family, which I didn't care. It was not about them, It was about me and I would not be forced to be at some place I didn't want to. I feel it was one of the best decisions I ever made. My account is still there, I don't know why but I didn't delete it, but I have only logged in something like 3 or 4 times in those 7 years, and I regretted every single one of them.

I feel Twitter has a lot of marketing potential, but I have nothing to market at it. I have no money to hire a service to impulse my tweets, I have no patience to take all the drama it spills out and engage with the bs most tweets are about. I have a lot to say about a lot of topics, none of which fit two hundred something characters. It offers quick information, but often it requires a lot of dedication to filter out what's really relevant. I'm better of without it.

I still can't quite build a strong routine, and leaving twitter will not solve that, honestly, because it was not the cause for it in the first place. My work ethic is appalling and I would very much like to change that, but I don't know how. Today I did French lessons, but not very much else. Youtube is, frankly, one of the prisons of my attention, and I probably should mind its usage more carefully. In fact, that's what I'm going to do next.

Onward.

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I got back on FB a few days after about 2 months (I quit FB before I quit games), but for a very pragmatic reason of seeking job abroad, as it's amazing how many people it connects, how many opportunities it creates and how easy is it to use. I'll get rid of it again after I find what I'm looking for, though I wish everybody got back to text clients like QIP or Skype. At least WhatsApp is getting decently popular and Messenger is an option too.

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Killing the saudades

No Twitter today. And mostly no YT. I did watch a couple of short videos, but when I felt I was about to binge, I simply closed it and got back to work. The result is that I finally finished writing an article I was struggling with all the week.

Did French, and nothing else again. But I feel like resisting YT and Twitter will keep my focus mostly over what it should be.

Gonna get my GF at the airport in about an hour. There's a Portuguese word I teach everyone I can. Saudade. English has no word for that feeling and even the few expressions it translates to aren't close to fully describing it. Whenever you learn what saudade is about you'll not feel the same when you are away from your beloved ones. Saudade tightens your heart like a strong hug, but it's the absence of your beloved one what's hugging you. It hurts, it's nostalgic of what you long for. It's also hope, when you know you'll see the person again, or reticent surrender when you know it's not possible. But when you finally meet with that person, we say you killed the saudade. Because it was kind of killing you inside a little bit.

Onward. Killing saudades.

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21 hours ago, Ikar said:

WhatsApp

Yes, it is huge here. Everyone has it. Which is good and bad, the bad part being mostly for political reasons. Anyway, yes, I am probably a little too hard on FB most of the time, but it also provides some good opportunities.

Thanks for the visit, dude!

Edited by Ambassador

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When writing is like breathing

I always have been good with words as far as I can remember. I don't know if it shows in English, it's hard to judge for a foreign language. But in my native language, it shows. People tell, grades always told, and I'm proud of it. I like to put the effort and see the result not only as a good piece of text but also on the response from readers.

Writing is one of the most liberating experiences I have ever known, creative writing especially. Technical writing is more empowering than freeing, at least for me, but it's also great. Going through the detox, having to face and deal with things I have been putting off, procrastinating or avoiding for the past several years, would be much more difficult for me if I couldn't write.

Today I wrote a little bit of my thesis, read a little bit and did a lot of French. I also wrote other stuff, mostly pieces of different political articles. I'm also starting a long term pet project. I write short stories since I was a kid. The other day I found an old comic strip I did when I was about 7 or 8 yo, that was actually a snark and really clever criticism on economic policy the then government was putting forward, even kinda prophetic - it seems politics is a running theme for me along with writing. Now I want to start writing long stories, maybe a novel, and that's what my pet project is. I'll set up a daily task to work on it for a couple of hours after my daily routine is done. Having that as a hobby to look forward to and reward me for working on my "serious" stuff might be the thing I am missing to help me with consolidating my routine.

Onward. Letter by letter.

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Writing is great! I'm happy I kept everything I wrote since 2013, though it wasn't much. What a sick kid I was... it's a nice reminder though.

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Improving

Great day! Read and wrote a lot on my thesis. Did French, also. Nice stuff. Spent most of the afternoon and evening with GF, which was also great.

Didn't watch YT. Twitter is already like as it never happened in my life. No cravings. Feeling great!

Really tired, will keep it short, just so as to not let the habit die.

Onward.

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When you remove the stone in your path

There was a stone in my path. Going around wasn't an option, neither was turning around. I had to keep going. Either remove the rock or climb it or dig below it. Maybe blow it up. It didn't matter. What mattered was that I had to keep going. So I did. I quit gaming because it was a rock in my path. Then YouTube became a rock in my path, one that I'm likely to see many times over. But I'm still going. Every time I have stumbled over it those last days I kept going.

Today I read, took notes, wrote both my thesis and my pet project and did French. I did e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g I set myself to. I feel I won the day. I really did. I feel that If I can keep some consistency, say, for 2 weeks, I'm probably ready to add another goal. Maybe exercise. Let's wait and see.

It has been a long time since I last checked how long ago I did quit games. Today it counts 57 days. Time flies. But, at the same time, it doesn't feel that long ago. If I get bored I still get strong cravings. I still have a hard time setting up a routine. My working ethic is still wrecked. Despite all of that, I clearly feel I'm improving. First of all, just for not being playing, just for being trying to do the work I have to do, just for having clear goals, I'm better off than before. Way better.

Onward, confident about it.

Edited by Ambassador
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Heartbroken

My GF didn't get admitted into the master's degree course she applied to, and she's devastated about it. To make matters worse, she got the bad news on her birthday. It breaks my heart because I know how hard she studied and how many sacrifices she made. I'm trying to comfort her, and she's already talking about trying again, which is great. Still, she's very sad and I can't help but feel for her. I'll see if I can help her refocus and make new plans as soon as possible, to move on instead of dwelling at it.

Today I did French, read, took notes, write a little bit of the thesis, but didn't work on my pet project. Oh, well, it's not a priority, I'll have to let it aside, probably often. Nevertheless, it was still a productive day all things considered.

Onward.

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Post your GF.

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company... a church... a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes”

Charles Swindoll

 

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I need to sleep early

I wake up not feeling completely rested. That takes some of my energy away, which impacts on my production and my work ethic. It's easy said than done, after decades of going to bed late, but I cannot justify it anymore. Whatever I can't get done by 10 PM will be left to the next morning, and I must be in bed 11 PM at most.

Today I did French, took notes, read and write some good stuff for thesis. Not so much for the pet project again. It's been some time I don't write poetry, also. Gonna see if I put out something until the end of the week.

GF looks like she's handling herself well enough for now. The biggest problem is that she didn't have a plan B and she's about to graduate, so she'll be left with no option other than going for a day job she doesn't like until she can try to apply for that master's course again. No biggie, maybe, but I won't be the one to judge her since I'm terrible to be put to work on stuff I dislike. I know how she feels.

Thank you, @katsudo19 for your kindness. I'll be sure to forward it to her.

Onward.

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