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Splitstep

Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

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Right after that post on May 25th, I was writing all the things that have happened and then I had to go do something, and it's been so busy that every moment there is something to do and I haven't written anything for so long... today was the last day of lectures for the semester, and everything has been handed in! MASS RELIEF. All assignments, tutorials, and projects are done!!! But exams are starting in about a weeks time 😬 so I'm not completely done! I'll do my best to recall what has gone on the past few days!

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Day 141 (42|99) (19/05/19) Sunday

Met up with my bible study leader and I told him that I'm gonna keep going to UniConnect. However, I felt uncomfortable with that decision because I was spending little time with my family, so I thought to drop UniConnect to make more time for that. But I felt that God was wanting me to still go to UniConnect so that was what I chose, despite me feeling not so sure about it. Trust in God, He makes time for those that seek Him. My leader told me that he experienced during the week was to rely on facts cause feelings are not always the best indicator. I thought that was cool but didn't think too much of it. Then there was church and some guys from RICE came along which was really cool! Afterward, they invited me to have dinner and do a final worship night. During worship, I didn't feel God's presence as much as the previous nights and I was really scared cause everyone else seemed to be feeling it, and it wasn't until after it that I remembered what my leader shared with me and I was like woahhh God set that all up! My bible study leader going through that, then him telling me what he experienced and learned from it, then me experiencing something similar and so having a better understanding what it means to trust facts, not feelings!

I was able to talk to my friend that night, thank you God. It felt good to let stuff out, and they gave solid advice. It was so encouraging seeing how hard they were going the Lord, all for Him. And to be honest, I felt discouraged at the same time cause I was struggling with stuff, and I wanted to be like them; all for God! Jason gave me a ride back and we had our classic in-the-car dmc and I told him everything that was on my mind and he reminded me that I did pray for trials and hardship at the start of the year 😂

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Day 142 (42|100) (20/05/19) Monday

Feeling discouraged, overwhelmed and a failure (even though I knew that God didn't see me like that and that He loves me regardless), I broke down so many times that day, and typical me, when I knew tears were coming I ran and hid. I actually had no will to do anything. I wrote how I felt, lamented, prayed, and in the evening, God gave me peace. It's indescribable. (A few days later Philippians 4:7 was the verse of the day and that was the verse for that moment!) Although the situation didn't change, the sense of peace made such a difference. It was so surreal. It made me realise that He really is with me and listening and understands how I feel. I felt more connected and appreciative of Him. It was a big day.

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Day 166 (42|124) (13/06/19) Thursday

Hey, it has been a while 😅 sorry that I haven't been posting. It's exam period and I have one today at 9:30am! Maybe that's why I can't get to sleep, nerves or something. I studied at home the whole day, with no major social interaction and it was so hard, I was itching to go to uni and see my friends. And as I was lying in bed I was reflecting back to the days (that were not so long ago) that I'd play video games for 8-10 hours every day and not get bored! Well, Overwatch was kinda 'social' cause you use mics, but still, I wouldn't call it social interaction. I found it quite intriguing because I think today has been the first day in months that I've had zero social interaction, every other day I would either by studying with friends, going to events, church, etc. and there have been numerous times where I've felt like it's just too much social activity for me and I wanna go and have some alone time! And today, it was the complete opposite; it was too much alone time!

Speaking of social stuff, I've decided that games are appropriate to play if I'm playing with someone else in real life, so they're right next to you. Video games are good to play with friends, bond over and create moments and memories! Like I really want to play Celeste, It's an amazing game, nominated for Game Of The Year, but it's singleplayer. I just don't see the value of it if I'm not building a relationship by creating moments with people. And likewise with watching stuff like movies or Netflix. So that's why I'm not gonna watch Stranger Things 3 (as tempting as it is cause it's just been released!) because I'll be watching it by myself and I can spend my time on much better things like spending time with God or with friends and family. It may seem like it sucks a bit now but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

Edited by Splitstep
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2 hours ago, Splitstep said:

Speaking of social stuff, I've decided that games are appropriate to play if I'm playing with someone else in real life, so they're right next to you. Video games are good to play with friends, bond over and create moments and memories!

True theorically speaking, but in my case, that was the path to relapse... Drinking alcohol is nice with friends, but if I'm alcoholic it's better I don't drink, even if my boss invites me to... If you can manage playing rarely with others, that's good, I can't.

St Ignace of Loyola said : when the devil can't tempt someone openly and grossly because the one wants to serve God, he does it under appareance of good.

Devils caught me more than once like that, and since you want to serve God, that will happen. It happens a lot when you have authority or have children.

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith" (1 Peter c5 v😎

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4 hours ago, Splitstep said:

So that's why I'm not gonna watch Stranger Things 3 (as tempting as it is cause it's just been released!) because I'll be watching it by myself and I can spend my time on much better things like spending time with God or with friends and family. It may seem like it sucks a bit now but I know it'll be worth it in the end.

I have never seen Stranger Things, but all I know is the theme song that was played during the events of the past Halloween season on Pandora. I know spending time with God is the number 1 priority on my list for a long run in my lifetime, but with others as the second best counts. The self should be sparingly desirable as if it was the least prioritized because why? God has no favorites!

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Day 171 (42|129) (18/06/19) Tuesday

I've found Francis Chan's 'Crazy Love' at the Lyall Flat a few days ago and they let me borrow it! I've read the videos on it and so I was really excited to finally be able to read the book! When Francis Chan said, "Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously." I thought of Grandma Clara. That is how I want to be! Lately, I've been slack with making personal time with Him, and have been choosing to spend my time on everything but that! Ugh. When I wake up, what I want to do is to get started on my day and enjoy the gifts of life, but not the giver! But I want to love God as she does!

 

This morning, I was able to roll out of bed and pray first thing, and it was GREAT! Honestly, it was sooooo good, thanking and talking to Him, it was legitimately the highlight of my day! I can't believe that I didn't want to do it! I was able to help my friend out with computer science (Python), I did the course last year and he has the exam for it on Thursday. It felt good to revise and help him out, I really like helping and teaching people. And I'm really excited that I'm able to play tennis tomorrow! In fact, I'm even more excited that I'm excited about playing tennis! Oh, I've missed you SO MUCH tennis!

CrazyLove.jpg

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