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Splitstep

Gaming -> 1 On 1 Time With God

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Day 59 (42|17) (26/02/19) Tuesday

Today was so flippin' awesome! Praise God! In my first 2 (back-to-back) appointments (11-11:30am and 11-30am-12pm), the 11:30am couldn't make it, but we talked to the 11am appointment for an hour!!  He was really close to receiving Christ! Seeing God's plan, giving us more time with the 11am meetup, was so amazing. It sucks that we couldn't meet up with the 11:30am guy but I think God wanted us to pray for him.  2 other meetups have been rescheduled, so I met 3 other people today. One had a Christian upbringing and really thought hard about it before choosing not to believe in it. He was such an honest guy! Super cool dude and we gave him all the resources and we're leaving him in God's hands and hopefully, he will receive Christ one day. Another had no real spiritual background but he went with his friend to church and he liked the sense of community. He knew the facts but wasn't sure about morality, something I didn't have much experience talking about but my partner did! It was really cool the way my partner addressed it in a sincere and loving way, and he seemed to understand it! He was also super cool and chill, such a good chat! And we met a Christian that was soo keen to join Student Life and serve God more, which was just so amazing! He told us that he felt bad cause he was quite busy with work and study and therefore sometimes couldn't go to church, and I think reminding Him that it is not our good works that we get closer to God and as well that we are still honoring God through our studies and work was helpful. It was just unreal, chatting and feeling the Holy Spirit over us and the fact that they were so open and real to us (strangers!) was incredible! Man what a privilege it is that we can do God's work ❤️ 370 days ago I was in their shoes... and now God's using me to give them the opportunity to hear about Jesus... those appointments wow...were just absolutely amazing... I learnt SO MUCH and I am SO BLESSED and HUMBLED. Thank you guys for praying!!! I have 4, maybe 5, appointments tomorrow so please keep praying thank you!

Edited by Splitstep

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Day 60 (42|18) (27/02/19) Wednesday

Today was so tough. I've been on a roll/ 'high for God' for so long, since Beachie infact (~40 days) that I forgot the feeling of being helpless.

Getting up was a mish, but getting used to it. The cumulative lack of sleep finally hit me today, 4 hours of lectures straight was agonising, I couldn't concentrate properly. Two of my appts got rescheduled, so I had 3 hours (12-3pm) used it as a time to study. In that time I realised actually how much work I had to do and it overwhelmed me. At 2pm I just crashed, hit the wall. Was physically tried cause lack of sleep, unmotivated cause I got stuck on homework, socially exhausted from yesterday. So I didn't want to go to calling cause tired, but had no other day I could do swap to cause tomorrow I wanna invite my non-christian friends to a 'life course' and go with them if they say yes. Thursday and Friday is already pretty full. I need to trust in God and the Holy Spirit but I also need rest... I wanna close my eyes and sleep... (2:50) I have appt at 3pm, prayed for strength and love and compassion and patience.
A bit later...
Wow God answered my prayers!!! The 3pm was really good, before he knew most of it but he was thinking really hard the whole time!! It was a lot to process for him. The next one was a explore chat and my partner really challenged him if he actually was Christian and how much Jesus means to him. I legit couldn't have made it through both without God, and now I am famished! I will take a nap zzzzz... I couldn't nap because I was wrestling with going to calling night.. I haven't done my 3 nights of calling, it was the last calling night, and it felt too late to cancel because they probably already ordered pizzas for us... (I wanna go on my trip right nowwww) but my friend Jason came and I told him everything.. he comforted me and he told me the best thing to do was to not go. I told the group and they were understanding, thank God.. I was feeling pretty empty since yesterday after my appointments and I'm thankful that everyone was looking out for me and God brought Jason to me at the perfect time and encouraged me to be assertive and say no. Still, God gave me the strength to get through the day... I wouldn't have made it out of bed without Him! I feel a LOT better, not as empty and sad 🙂 my trip is on Friday night (2 days to go) and it couldn't have come at a better time! But it lowkey seems to be an escape from reality kinda thing, it will be amazing, a weekend away meeting the fam, but when I come back I feel like I'll be sad, cause study is not as fun. But yeahhh today was tough but really good! Need more rest and breaks UwU

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Day 61 (42|19) (28/02/19) Thursday

Felt a lot better today, got some good rest the evening before, therefore I could concentrate during the lectures and had energy! I had no appointments today, but I was still tired so I went home early and also cause my bike tire deflated when biking from getting safety boots so I walked it back home. Had a long nap and now gonna do some homework, have some quiet time and then go to bed. Tomorrow uni is from 9-6pm non-stop UHHGH but after that, I'm gapping it to catch my flight to see my 'project family' whooohooo POGCHAMP

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Day 62 (42|20) (01/03/19) Friday

Lowkey had some trouble sleeping cause I was thinking about the trip, so I ended up actually sleeping at round 12am, got to sleep in til 8am and then had my 2 tutorials (9-12). The first one was okay, but the second tut was hard.. I couldn't really do the questions, it the wake up call that I needed. Then I went on a Forestry Trip out an hours drive away, and that was super cool, seeing the logging process in real life and the machines up close (the feller, skidder, processor and loader) After that, I saw so people in the photo scavenger hunt event Student Life organised, both new people and old friends and that was sooo encouraging! Then I went home and packed my bags and Jason and I boarded our flight and took off at 9pm. Landed at 10:08pm and our friend Victor picked us up! Then we met up with the rest of the fam; Dom and Sophie and Eric 😍 Had dinner at Eric's house, and his dad was super cool and I got to ride on a segway! (Fell off at the end :P). Then we went back to Dom's house. I'm so munged xD

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Day 63 (42|21) (02/03/19) Saturday

Definitely, one of the longest days I've ever had, but every moment of it was amazing ❤️

I had a power nap and that made a huge difference! After Victor left, we chatted til 5:45am 😅  And I felt good, didn't feel tired! Had like the best 3 hours of sleep, and I woke up just before the alarm (9am)! I felt pretty good somehow, I wasn't really tired even though I normally need 10 hrs sleep so I was highly confused! We went out for breakfast by a marina and I had chicken pot pie! So good 😋 Then we met up with more of the fam from project and that was awesome, catching up with them and having a good, fun, chill time, praying and spurring each other on! As it was winding down, Jason and another friend went down the beach and they saw worship and preaching, so they invited the rest of us to come! It was so good man, we stayed for a few more hours, singing songs and hearing really powerful testimonies! It was really touching. Seeing God's timing in that was so cool. Then we went to Dom and Sophie's church and it was a lot more casual compared to my church, a lot more brothers and sisters too and everyone, including the pastor, was very welcoming :)) I really enjoyed it! After that, we went to have dinner, it was past 10 pm, been up for 13 hours with only 3 hours of sleep, I was feeling tired. I kept dosing during the meal which sucked cause I wanted to enjoy it and have fellowship. I managed to kinda stay awake, and then we went to the wharf and walked along it, taking lots of photos, I didn't feel tired then though, maybe cause we were doing exercise, but then when we reached the car at 3:30 am, I was goners, lights out the whole ride back! Somehow made it back into the house, and stay awake for a chat, but I was so tired, I literally had no strength to move my arms at all, which was scary. God showed me His power today,  giving me the strength to carry on through the day and with joy as well! I wouldn't have made it on my own power! Praise God!

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Day 64 (42|22) (03/03/19) Sunday

Got around 4 hours of sleep lmao, again woke up before the alarm (9:45 am) somehow, but this time by over an hour! Turns out the boys also got up at the same time and we had a good talk. We went out for breakfast again (lucky us!) and I had fried eggs with sourdough with avocado and greens. I thought by fried they meant deep-fried so I laughed at myself when it turned out to be pan-fried! They also had 'freakshakes' and we tried the ‘unicorn’ flavour and it was legit chungus! So many lollies and cream and the milkshake was strawberry flavoured 💯 Eric had to leave which was sad 😭, I legit didn't know what to say, I also forgot to give my gudetama present to him (and Sophie) feelsbadman. I'll give it to them when we meet up again, hopefully in August (PRAYING!!) I left my phone at Dom's house and drove us back to get it (I felt SO bad), and she didn't even complain which was really kind. Dom and Sophie dropped us off at the airport, and in the car ride I was a rollercoaster of emotions; sadness, appreciation, love, worry, joy... and I also blanked out in the farewell lol, so many things I wanted to say but I was speechless... I am truly grateful that God has led me to these brothers and sisters, they are all so strong in their faith and you have shaped them all so unique but they all are in your image. You have used each and every one of them to profoundly shape me. Thank you, God, it was a wonderful trip, being able to have fun and have fellowship, be open, pray and spur each other on. Every second was unforgettable, just like the project, both showing a glimpse of what heaven is like ❤️

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Day 65 (42|23) (04/03/19) Monday

I had one appointment today, my first one solo. It was so awesome that he was open to hearing the gospel and he was honest with how he felt. He didn't want to meet up again, he wanted to find out by himself. I felt weird afterward, and this was my thought process afterward: Didn't try to understand him more and was focusing more on sharing my experiences. I tried to bring glory to God through sharing my experiences. After the appt, I didn't feel right, something wasn't sitting well with me... I was selfish, although I was sharing my experiences about how God has changed me, I feel like in my heart I was trying to make myself the main topic, not Jesus... He seemed to understand it all, he admitted that God loves him and that he is sinful but I don't know if he feels like he NEEDS Jesus, I never asked him that. He said he is now self-directed and he was unsure what he wanted to be, not either of them, with Jesus in the picture but not in control.

I felt no motivation to study today, cause the song by Hillsong UNITED - As You Find Me (I never resonated with the song) until a friend sent this photo (below) and both just clicked and hit me hard with how broken I actually am so finally getting to grips how great God's love for me was all I could think about today. Realising that made me feel closer to God than I've ever felt.  All I could think about was God, literally. I realised that while this was good, I still needed to study and honour God in my studies so I prayed to God to have the passion and focus to study, so I got some study done but there wasn't passion in it. It's been like that for a while, I like Forest Engineering but I don't love it, don't have the passion. Lowkey just doesn't sit right with me and I don't imagine doing it. I love ministry, however... I'd love to be a missionary, whether it's with my job or full-time, ultimately I don't know what God has planned for me. I will pray about it.

I told the fam (Eric, Dom, Jason, Sophie) and it was good to let it out. And them praying for me too. Sophie recommended me to 'learn the material with God', praising Him for how he made things so complicated yet it can be so simply explained so that we can understand.

 

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Day 66 (42|24) (05/03/19) Tuesday

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I am a sheep. And sheep are pretty dumb lol. They think they know where they're going but they don't, they're lost. But MY shepherd is Jesus, and He not just any shepherd, but the GOOD SHEPHERD. Even though I think it's bad now and it's going downhill, but Jesus can see ahead and He sees that's it's not bad now and there's good ahead! With all the appointments, like the day I was meant to have 7, some canceled/rescheduled and that was God giving me rest, leading me beside quiet waters and refreshing my soul. In light of yesterday with the appointment, who am I to say that I did a bad job, what am I to know if I did a 'good job'? I can never know, I'm a sheep! And with my career, 'He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake'. I need to FULLY trust in God. And when times get tough and dark, I need not fear, because His rod and staff are there to protect and comfort me. God's goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, which is extremely gracious and comforting.

Thank you, God, for knowing exactly how I feel and giving me exactly what I needed at the perfect time. Help me to trust you fully for all things, for you are good. Amen.

Edited by Splitstep
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8 hours ago, Splitstep said:

Day 66 (42|24) (05/03/19) Tuesday

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I am a sheep. And sheep are pretty dumb lol. They think they know where they're going but they don't, they're lost. But MY shepherd is Jesus, and He not just any shepherd, but the GOOD SHEPHERD. Even though I think it's bad now and it's going downhill, but Jesus can see ahead and He sees that's it's not bad now and there's good ahead! With all the appointments, like the day I was meant to have 7, some canceled/rescheduled and that was God giving me rest, leading me beside quiet waters and refreshing my soul. In light of yesterday with the appointment, who am I to say that I did a bad job, what am I to know if I did a 'good job'? I can never know, I'm a sheep! And with my career, 'He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake'. I need to FULLY trust in God. And when times get tough and dark, I need not fear, because His rod and staff are there to protect and comfort me. God's goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, which is extremely gracious and comforting.

Thank you, God, for knowing exactly how I feel and giving me exactly what I needed at the perfect time. Help me to trust you fully for all things, for you are good. Amen.

I need to keep remembering this verse. It's soo true.

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Day 67 (42|25) (06/03/19) Wednesday

Throughout my lectures, I was feeling pretty down, with how much I have to catch up on, how it's so hard, I don't get it, I have no passion for it. I've been 'Learning the material with God' and its been helping! Shot Sophie! I was imagining what I'd like to study instead at uni and Sports Coaching and Physiotherapy were the ones that stood out. I like sports and I like teaching people, in Sports Coaching it's pretty obvious but for Physio teaching people about recovery and injury-prevention specifically would be really cool! And I'd learn more about my body (and I like stretching!). But I gotta keep going, do my best and trust in God. I need to pray harder for passion and motivation and guidance cause idk where God is taking me!

Even though I didn't want to go sharing, especially since I was tired and just had 4 hours of consecutive lectures, and I was lowkey nervous since I haven't done sharing in 2 months! Still, I went and I was partnered up with a new memeber xD of our group! It was his second time sharing, and I was really encouraged that he wasn't that scared. We met a guy called Bob. His Grandma is a Christian but he was not religious. He respected religion. He thought the point of religion was to show how you to be a good person if you didn't already know. He liked Christianity more than the other ones because 'it teaches you to do good things even when no one is watching.'

He had a laboratory in the next hour so he was hesitant to go through the Knowing God Personally booklet but we convinced him. As I was going through it, my partner chipped in and explained our condition of sin which was awesome! When we told Bob that it is not by the good works that get us to God, but our faith in Jesus and that He died for our sins so we are forgiven, so we don't have to carry that burden anymore he was amazed! His expression was awesome 😭 and I was so joyful that he understood that Christians act this way because we are thankful for what God has done. Not out of duty or cause it's a rule, but out of joy and we want to honour God!

And what Bob said at the end struck me - 'I was worried about my lab, but now I feel at peace.'

He declined to meet up again but I left him my number. I pray that he would ask to catch up another time and that he would receive Christ and feel true peace and satisfaction being your son!

It was the best sharing session yet! I thank God for letting me be a part of that, and to see someone so amazed about Jesus made me SO HAPPY, it reminded me of when I heard about Jesus last year and I was also so amazed. It was a banger to start off the year's sharing!

Got my presentation assignment done really quickly, thank God! And not last minute for once 😄😄😄 feelsgoodman

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Day 68 (42|26) (07/03/19) Thursday

As I got up, prayed, made my bed, ate and stretched and brushed my teeth, I felt really uncomfortable cause I knew I should be putting God first and read my bible but I was doing all these things, cause I didn't want to be late to class. So I realised for me that reading God's word is a low priority.. and then I remembered my dream last night! It was so realistic, I thought that I actually did it for a moment! I dreamed that I relapsed from gaming, I was playing Hearthstone (I played it 2 years ago) and I could FEEL my urge to resist temptation, I even paused, hovering on the join game button, but I still clicked and felt guilty after playing it. It was very similar to this morning with not wanting to put God first, I tried to resist the temptations but I couldn't stop myself, just like in the dream and I felt guilty in both scenarios. Funny how God gave me that dream, I'm still trying to process what he's trying to tell me. Maybe it's also a foreshadowing? Probably God wants me in those moments to stop and pray for help.

Today was good, met up with someone and talked about how I was doing with my study and walk with God. Yeah it was really good, letting it out. It helped clear my thoughts. I was on fire, going ham, piling everything onto my plate in the first 2 weeks, then day 60 (last Wednesday) I burnt out, so I reactively and without consciously realising it, have been trying to get everything off my plate. Cause on Tuesday I was lowkey wanting to not go to my church bible study anymore and I kept telling myself that it's because I'm so busy.. but it was actually a reaction to the burnout! Realising that, I'll keep going and re-evaluate. Study is fine but the only thing I'm worried about is the Solid Mechanics course, cause I understand the theory but CAN'T answer the questions, understanding the question then figuring out what to do is hard because it's not intuitive for me 😞 my walk with God was been the best it's ever been! Still definitely improvement but always thinking about God, praying wherever I go and wholeheartedly pursuing quality time with Him has been amazing. But like this morning, I still struggle with temptations and putting Him first in my life, which is sad and humbling. Prayer time has gone up MASSIVELY but I still struggle with reading scripture. My friend spends the first 15 minutes of his day as quiet time! I'll try doing that morning and evening starting tonight and committing to it!

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36 minutes ago, Splitstep said:

Day 68 (42|26) (07/03/19) Thursday

As I got up, prayed, made my bed, ate and stretched and brushed my teeth, I felt really uncomfortable cause I knew I should be putting God first and read my bible but I was doing all these things, cause I didn't want to be late to class. So I realised for me that reading God's word is a low priority.. and then I remembered my dream last night! It was so realistic, I thought that I actually did it for a moment! I dreamed that I relapsed from gaming, I was playing Hearthstone (I played it 2 years ago) and I could FEEL my urge to resist temptation, I even paused, hovering on the join game button, but I still clicked and felt guilty after playing it. It was very similar to this morning with not wanting to put God first, I tried to resist the temptations but I couldn't stop myself, just like in the dream and I felt guilty in both scenarios. Funny how God gave me that dream, I'm still trying to process what he's trying to tell me. Maybe it's also a foreshadowing? Probably God wants me in those moments to stop and pray for help.

Today was good, met up with someone and talked about how I was doing with my study and walk with God. Yeah it was really good, letting it out. It helped clear my thoughts. I was on fire, going ham, piling everything onto my plate in the first 2 weeks, then day 60 (last Wednesday) I burnt out, so I reactively and without consciously realising it, have been trying to get everything off my plate. Cause on Tuesday I was lowkey wanting to not go to my church bible study anymore and I kept telling myself that it's because I'm so busy.. but it was actually a reaction to the burnout! Realising that, I'll keep going and re-evaluate. Study is fine but the only thing I'm worried about is the Solid Mechanics course, cause I understand the theory but CAN'T answer the questions, understanding the question then figuring out what to do is hard because it's not intuitive for me 😞 my walk with God was been the best it's ever been! Still definitely improvement but always thinking about God, praying wherever I go and wholeheartedly pursuing quality time with Him has been amazing. But like this morning, I still struggle with temptations and putting Him first in my life, which is sad and humbling. Prayer time has gone up MASSIVELY but I still struggle with reading scripture. My friend spends the first 15 minutes of his day as quiet time! I'll try doing that morning and evening starting tonight and committing to it!

Great bro, I fotgot about making my bed, so. Thanks. I pray to got every time I wake up. About the dreams, they send you messages, if you pay attention you can find answers.

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From some of the things you wrote it seems to me like you judge yourself for what you call worldly desires, but I'd say it's very important to accept yourself as you are at the present moment and forgive yourself 🙂 And by accepting yourself I mean accepting everything about yourself. The good and the bad... and not to judge yourself for either of those.

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Day 69 (42|27) (08/03/19) Friday

Quiet time last night was great, I really felt connected with God and yeah this is weird to say but I wanna share... I was thinking, would I be okay with not waking up tomorrow, as in this being the last night of my life,  and I honestly felt okay with it. I am truly satisfied in God. For the record, I don't want to die, but I am okay with it happening. And then just taking in the moment, my room, all the things that God has given me, clothes, my childhood memories and books, the silence, just feeling whole. It was good. I woke up, thank you, God! Had quiet time, felt a bit iffy praying cause I was quite dozy.  In the Parable of the Wedding Banquet (Matthew 22-1:14) I was wondering who the man without wedding clothes is meant to portray, maybe a Pharisee??

In the Solid Mechanics tutorial, they give you a quiz (that is meant to be done on your own) and last week I could not really answer it. This week, I was doing it and then I got stuck. But I glanced at a neighbour's book in the middle of the table (had a problem similar to it) and I saw what to do next. I felt so guilty. I should've stopped writing but I continued with the problem. I had cheated. It was not all of my own work cause I got inspiration from an outside source. I confessed and repented but I didn't reconcile (let a tutor know that I cheated). I will do it next week during the tutorial or before if possible. Please remind me of that 😊

The presentation assignment went great! God gave me the words to say, I wasn't that nervous because I was trusting in God and focusing on how it's such a privilege this is to be able to teach people something new. And I made eye contact with people and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be! I did notice that I say a lot of 'UM' though lol

I had to fill in for work which was fun, I enjoyed it! Mum suggested me to drive home and I'm on my learners so I knew it would be illegal, but I was like ehhhh I'll just pray to God and he'll protect me! My conviction grew as I went to the car and when I got in I thought, 'What are the consequences of this? I could drive perfectly but a car might hit me, I'd be fined and lose my licence. And why would God protect me when I'm doing something against the law? Feeling overwhelmingly convicted, I got out and went back and told mum and dad, so dad dropped me home hahaha all good! That was an interesting test from God!

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6 hours ago, Splitstep said:

In the Parable of the Wedding Banquet (Matthew 22-1:14) I was wondering who the man without wedding clothes is meant to portray, maybe a Pharisee??

From the Catena Aurea according to St Greg.: What ought we to understand by the wedding garment, but charity? For this the Lord had upon Him, when He came to espouse the Church to Himself. He then enters in to the wedding feast, but without the wedding garment, who has faith in the Church, but not charity.

The Catena Aurea (Golden Chain) is a compilation of the most famous doctors of the church made by St Thomas Aquinas. He never gives his own opinion in this book so it's precious to have it to understand how the first christians were understanding the Scriptures. You can find it here : https://dhspriory.org/thomas/ in the biblical commentaries. When I don't understand a verse, it's super helpful, even if it's not easy to read.

You did the right choice not driving. Congrats !

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Day 70 (42|28) (09/03/19) Saturday

Today was a 'chill' day, just stayed at home and caught up on study. Snacked on many Ferrero Rochers 😖 Quiet times were good,  read Matthew 23; the roasting of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law 😂 Mum and dad said that we don't have to go to church with them, they can go by themselves and they can sit with the friends they've made, which is super encouraging, to hear that they do wanna go to church on their own will! Praise God! I've realised how little time I spend with my family, with uni and church activities taking up most of my time, I normally come home and go straight to bed. Family is meant to be a rock but it's currently a pebble in terms of priorities. So I'll come back home when I can instead of milling around uni. Also, I constantly open my phone with every spare second I have to check messages and emails. Solution: Always on display! Never have to open my phone unless it's necessary 👍

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Day 71 (42|29) (10/03/19) Sunday

Finished reading Matthew (for the first time!) It was REALLY good!!! There's a lot I don't understand (mostly parables) so at this stage, I'll keep rereading Matthew and meditating on it. My parents went to morning church on their own and it sounded like they enjoyed it!

The sermon was on Matthew 10:24-42, a really difficult passage but our pastor did really well. Standing with Jesus is dangerous. Since people hated Jesus so much, expect the same since you are from Him. Standing with Jesus could cost you everything, it divides families, involves a cross but losing your life is to find it; finding your life is to lose it. God's rewards, however, are HUGE.

Before church, I was quite ambitious in my studies hahahaha thought I could get through 3 weeks of lectures (twelve 1 hr lectures) in 1 hour 😋 It took 45 mins to summarise 1 lecture 😂 Got 4 lectures done! Still got quite a bit to catch up on... Set up was good! The plan is for me to become set up deputy team leader in a few weeks time which is awesome and such a privilege!

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Day 72 (42|30) (11/03/19) Monday

I had today's morning's quiet time at 6:45am so I would be less rushed. I was so sleepy I prayed in my bed xD I'll try not to do that again! Got a lot of studies done, 9/12 lectures for Engineering Materials, a tutorial, and assignment, thank you, God! I generally have to have a power nap between 3-5pm but I didn't feel sleepy today, which was so wierd but a good kinda wierd 😊 Came home at 7pm and had dinner as a family which was nice!

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Day 73 (42|31) (12/03/19) Tuesday

Managed to get OUT of bed to do quiet time which was good! Lectures were good, got a bit sleepy/restless in my last lecture though, probably because had 8.5 hours of sleep which is not enough for me, unfortunately. Caught up with Engineering Materials by the power of the Holy Spirit whoohooo I couldn't have done it without it, I constantly got distracted but Holy Spirit kept refocusing me 😊 Had good a good chat with a non-Christian mate, let out a lot of my thoughts and feelings which was good for me hahahah idk about him though must've been a lot to take in 😅 good chat tho, hearing how he's been going at uni. Learnt a lot in my church's bible study (Matthew 11:1-19), confusing verses in the passage were clarified and enjoyed good fellowship! The passage helped me to be reassured in my trust in Jesus and that there will be no one like Him (with some claiming to be Jesus) because He fulfilled prophesies and He knew he was gonna do that and everything He set out to do, therefore there is no reason to doubt Him.

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Just read your whole journal 😄 It was awesome to realize how many Christians are fighting their way back towards God from gaming, its all too easy to feel alone.

I'll be praying for you, and keep up the good work!

 

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@JPAO WHOA brother I can't believe it 😲 Thanks for reading my journal, it's all for God's glory. Yeah so true it often can feel like it's on yourself, but God and your brothers and sisters are there! Shot bro appreciate it, praying for you too man! God bless you ❤️

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Day 74 42|32) (13/03/19) Wednesday

Quiet time was good! Lectures were okay, understood most of the material. Sharing was good, same partner! 40 min chat with a dude that knew his stuff about Christianity and was really respectful but since he can’t remember what happened before he was born, he doesn’t believe that he will feel Hell because he won’t have a conscience... 2 guys accepted the action group challenge and hopefully they will come to the social tomorrow evening! Had a really good meetup with one of the guys exploring Christianity and going through The Rich Young Ruler (Mark 10:17-23) was convicting for myself even! Also, a friend told me how they've been witnessing God move in powerful ways which was SOO inspiring! Praise God ❤️

Got invited to play Ultimate Frisbee by a high school friend which was nice and I accepted (I always wanted to play it but never did). My church campus talk was on before it (being radical in singleness), so had half an hour in between to rewrite lecture notes. Sounded alright, could review one lecture then squeeze the second one before bed. Then I realised that it might take over an hour to do one.. so I didn’t want to go to the talk, essentially choosing study over listening to God's word, and not trusting that God would make time and look after me. But I thought that it's okay.. but then I realised that I was still choosing sport over study and listening to God's word... bruh. My priorities were wack. So I ended up going to both!

The talk on singleness was soo worth it! Being single is good! I went to the field after and saw some guys playing tennis and had a hit for 10 mins, first time in weeks! We were of similar ability so it was competitive and I enjoyed it because of that mostly.. not good. Then played ultimate frisbee (30min game) and including me was 6 people, and it was 6 aside so no substitutes for us lol! It was super tiring I was puffing and sweating like never before, made me realise how unfit I am now! The score was 2-8, felt like we got rolled. Still not used to team games since I've played tennis for most of my life. I played for the team and I tried my best, so got quite fatigued.. I think that overshadowed the 'fun'. I still feel that competitiveness dominates enjoying the game (fun) even though I so badly don't want it to be like that anymore...

They were really encouraging and praising me and I was so amazed that God humbled me and that I was genuinely giving all the glory to God. They really want me to join the team 'they need me' and I said I'll think about it. So here I am thinking and writing my thoughts out which is really therapeutic. It's a very energy intensive sport (not my cuppa tea) and if I was to join the team it would be for the team not for my enjoyment, so not at this stage. Man I REALLY want to love sport for what it is, not the competition but the participation. It's something only God can change. Praying for that.

Also just realised something that has popped up is the fear of having feelings for someone. Having feelings isn’t ‘bad’ I think, but it doesn’t feel appropriate because I feel like I'm not ready to have a relationship (maybe I am ready - only God knows xD). Now I've become hyper-aware when talking/around females, that I'm not 'giving them the wrong message' and pushing boundaries. Probably overthinking it but it’s hard to get yourself not to think it hahaha... I also don’t want to seem like I don’t care for them... need help.. feelings. make. things. complicated. :(( In the talk they glossed over this verse and I think it summarises my mentality; 1 Corinthians 6:18 'Flee from sexual immorality...' I'm don't think I'm at that stage, where things are immoral, but I don't want it to get there, not worth the risk y'know? Trusting God to guide me through all this 😭

Didn't go through my lecture notes because I wanted to articulate my thoughts and get this off my chest. T'was wurf it. To anyone that has somehow managed to read all that, thank you, you are a champ! HYPERS

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Thanks for the prayers haha!

And the overthinking 'sending the wrong message' is totally a thing I get, my current 'relationship' goal, is to devote the following year to growing closer to God, but I definitely feel I've sent the wrong message to one of my friends 😢 Praying a lot for my other friend who's going on a mission year next year, missing people is totally my favourite...

Also remember that we're supposed to take breaks and have fun, as long as all ifs for the glory of God, playing sports with your friends is definitely a good, so long as it doesn't take over your life.

Nice to see someone using text emotes ie. HYPERS lmao, I'll definitely keep checking in

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