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NelWoltz7

Shame and the 39 Year Old Man

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I guess for me it all started as a younger brother (by 3 years).  Being athletically competitive with my (popular) older brother just wasn’t going to happen.  However, I could feel like I could compete in video games.  I guess I ruled out using physicality as an option.

Cut to boarding school.  For my whole first year, I hid in my 386.  I was non-stop playing X-Wing or TIE Fighter, to the point where I knew I had a problem.  The next year of school, I left the computer behind and got a simple word processor.  My grades instantly improved, and I was far more socially able....because I hit up friends on my hall who did have computers or video game systems so I could get my fix.

At college, I figured I was grown up enough to have a PS1 with me.  Yup.  Between the laptop the school gave me and the PS1, I was a non-stop gamer.  My first semester’s grades were too low to rush a fraternity, which stunk.  However, the fraternity took me anyway (as a “pocket pledge”) which probably saved my collegiate life.  Having a group of peers and friends to hang out with saved me from a deep dark pit.

Well, long story short (too late), I’m now 39 years old.  I have a wife and two amazing kids (both under 4).  The iPhone and iPad have made my gaming a new more dangerous breed: always available, always something new.  I realized the other day that instead of looking for a new job (like I was so determined to do earlier in the day), I’d instead invested 6 hours (and $4.99, which I used to think was the ‘line I will never cross’) on Asphalt 8.  I’d unlocked an imaginary car.  I had traded real cash for a fake car while I had no job.

That was the final straw.  I had to make a change.  I have decided to try to get on the path the right way.

I’m only starting to go through the program, but I’m already having so many questions and concerns.  Is doing a crossword from a newspaper technically gaming?  Where is the line between real life gaming and video gaming?  Is there a healthy balance?  How is this going to work?

I just don’t want my boys to have to see me as this disconnected person who is unable to relate to them (and the world around me).

Okay, that’s enough.  You’re a forum, not a therapist.  It felt good to write this down, though.

Thanks,

-N

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Welcome to the forum! You can find many answers in here for your questions. Also, if you can't find any information you want, feel free to ask the community. The first step i would suggest for you is to delete all games from mobile phone and pc, block all gaming friends if you have. Starting a journal will also help you to track your progress.

Edited by Gaming Zombie

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Hello, Nel! Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.

As for crossword on the newspaper, I think it is alright, as long as you can balance your time. If it goes overboard, I would consider it to be an addiction. If you want some tips or advice, feel free to PM me.

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Oh man, you had me at 386. Those memories...

Welcome mate! It sounds like we are driven by the same things. You have the right reasons and the intent, so you've got this!

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