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The Grind (60 days on Discipline)


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Day 2, 

I was at my mum's house for most of the day. I go there to use my older brother's computer to edit my RAW photos and also to see my mum for a bit.

I talked to Alexys a bit and he seems to be on his way of growth, moving out of his parent's place. I gave him a bit of advice which he asked for and was pleased to being supported with his decision. I asked if I came to México if he would let me stay with him a few days possibly, he said I could stay as long as I wanted and Cook/eat food. FeelsGoodMan friends.

I put up a few night photos 

I admit I procrastinated immensely before I actually edited from 7.30 to 12.30. I was looking through YouTube watching Lightroom photography  tutorials and across an old favourite streamer - AdmiralBulldog. It's interesting, watching it now It's so vividly clear to me now, the reason I played was 80% for the social connection. I found myself only slightly interested in the gameplay and more attracted to the persona of Bulldog and his legion of memers lol.

I've also been eating quite a bit of sugary food lately like nut bars and binging nut mixes. This is because I'm not adequately preparing my food plans ahead of time. A useful method to keep away from beginning the domino effect of sugar craving is to remind myself of my goals related to saving money. It's not that effective most of the time as I succumb to the watering saliva in my mouth but sometimes works. Another reason is because I forget to drink plenty of water and mistake my thirst for hunger. I think I need to add a subsequent health goal to my money saving goal to strengthen my discipline towards not eating sugary snacks. For now I'll start working on drinking in more regular intervals of  every 1 & 1/2 hours, shorter depending on my activity levels. I will set up a reminder on Google calendar to pop a notification to drink water and leave post-it notes around my living area to remind me further.

I went to Kizomba tonight, previously speaking to my older brother about it and thinking of not going. He helped me realize that it was just fear I was feeling and that I should think of this as a opportunity to practice perseverance if anything to show that I can commit all the way through regardless of what I 'want'. I ended up having a decent time learning there as my expectations of mild dread were met with a smaller than usual attendance (6 men & women) which I was grateful for as it felt less pressuring.

I didn't do too much but I understand that I am making progress however small. This is probably the key to growth - perspective and the very hard concept of patience. We're simply not instilled by society to be patient, just look at the plethora of shopping sites, ads, and infinite amount of instant gratifying content.

This is going to take a long time to cultivate this patience but I think it starts with Meditation and Gratitude so will begin my small goal of meditating 5 minutes every morning using guided meditation for this week.


Edited by Arch
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Day 3,

An ok day that I'm happy with.

Meditated and ran. I tidied my room a little and washed clothes.

I spoke to a flatmate of mine who is apparently pretty good at skateboarding, he won a competition in Auckland and I recall a friend of his called him pro. I offered him to film/take pictures for him if he ever needed as I haven't shot skateboarding content before and he seems like a positive guy. I'm taking opportunities now if they present themselves and being proactive and regardless of outcome we get to know each other better than just strangers as well as working on my conversation skills.

I went to the library at 1 to upload video of the Art-Hack Expo to the guy organizing it. He said they were great, I shot it with my cellphone. I'll bring my bigger camera to shoot it even better next time. I also had a goal for the day to print business cards, I was halted because I couldn't find the picture of the eye that I like and represents 'Sightful' (perfectionism) and also thought what kind of photographer I am. I think I like shooting events photography and festivals. I don't know if that's broad enough of a range so I thought that I should first keep shooting more photos and fine-tune what kind of photographer I want to offer my service towards. For now I'm planning to just shoot things free to build more of a solid portfolio and experience as a working photographer.

I went to Kizomba tonight and on the way talked to a lady who was shooting street photography using her big full-frame camera, we talked about how photography is all about being small now and how she had felt out of place shooting with her camera. I enjoyed talking to her about photography a great deal and cut into my dance time. I danced with 3 girls, it was much quieter tonight.

I managed to eat a bit healthier today as I circumvented around the bakery to not be lured by the sweets. I figured I need to take out the temptations similar to quitting gaming. I drank alot more water which definitely helped in not craving food.

Grateful for: warm jackets, water, free WiFi, books and nice smelling perfume.

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Day 4,

Meditated and ran. Practiced Spanish - body parts. I went to the library for the morning and watched some of Science of Wellbeing, I never finished this course and want to finish it.

I went to my mum's place to edit some videos my brother uploaded to the cloud. He plans to go to Asia and several countries and I offered to edited his videos. He's not going to be able to edit his videos whilst travelling so I figured this would be a good chance to train my editing skills as they are very rusty and unused as SI have been mainly doing photography and lightroom. I actually think Photography is so much easier than Videography, only 1 frame at a time not 24-30, 60, etc as well as movement.

I tried designing a business card but again hesitated after reading to make them simple. I think I'm going to shoot a few more this week and think about the design and possible images to add for the background over the course of the week. I signed up to like 4-5 stock photography websites and am going to start uploading them to there.

I ate chocolate and sweets at my mothers place ;/ temptations, I resisted her food 2-3 times but indulged a little, I didn't eat the whole chocolate bar though but yea prob set myself back a little but that's ok, I just keep going.

I learnt about growth mindset in Science of Wellbeing by Carol Dweck where she talks about how people's mindset affects their ability to learn depending on their perspective whether they think people have a 'fixed' mindset of talent or whether they have a growth mindset where they believe they can learn through doing hard work.

Grateful for: train system that allows me to travel Wellington region quickly, mum's soup, puffer jacket, City Wifi,, family. 

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Day 5,

I meditated and ran, bit better meditation.

I stayed at my mum's overnight to see if I could spend some time to edit the video. I procrastinated the whole day and did rendered two timelapses and one transition. So far what seems to keep me on track from procrastinating is the do not disturb feature and the best is flight mode. I'm scared of using flight mode thinking I'll miss some important emails but the reality is most emails aren't even important and I'm finding excuses subconsciously to procrastinate. I always thought my ability to jump from thought to thought was some hereditary or talent gift of creativity but I think it may just be the fact that I learnt to develop a short attention span through the instant gratification mechanisms of gaming.

I did manage to procrastinate towards something related to my goals however. I signed up for StarNow and applied for three different jobs, one voice acting which I'd love to do. I put my recent photos on my profile and several people liked them, many working professionals and amateurs alike. I felt a little good that they were at least looking at my profile :)

I came back home and shot some more photography. Over the couple of days I had looked at another videographer who also essentially does what I like to do - shoot events and realised how much hard work she had done. From setting up her website, writing her own scripts, etc. I think might not be paid at all or much doing the grind work of becoming reputable. I then realized I need to be shooting everyday or chance I can to be even considered. Now that I think about it it's a bit black n white thinking because I remember what was most important in the industry was your networks and relationships with people. That's why I want to become more social and people friendly because I feel like a bit of a rock a lot of times predominantly in logic mose with my conversations haha.


Grateful for: filmmakers vibrant lives, heater, free communication apps, my body and the world cup excitement.


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Day 6,

Meditated slightly better - 5.5/9. Ran - 8/9. These are my subjective judgments on how I think I felt I did. Experimenting to see if defining them can allow me to see the bigger picture of progress. I want to start going to a gym soon perhaps starting next week Monday.

I went to painting work, got to paint again, FeelsGoodMan. My colleague is teaching me tips on ways to do the job and told him I appreciate him for his knowledge and that it is very helpful. We seem to be getting along and laughing :)

I came back home and went to a Future Leaders presentation by a guy called Tariq Habibi. He talked about the qualities leaders possess. They were:

1. Become mature.

2. Stand for what's right

3. Be consistent

4. Work Hard

5.Believe in yourself.

6. Turn your problems into opportunities

7. Grow & Never Give up

"I will come again & conquer you because as a mountain you can't grow, but as a human, I can"

- Sir Edmund Hilary

And some other notes:

Faith in humanity, embracing darkness that we're afraid of. 

Leaders don't need to influence people because of their integrity and sincerity.

If you make mistake don't be too hard on yourself.

I met a guy there who I am interested in maybe hanging around with, an accountant who is leaving his job in November and working on setting up passive income. He says by his estimations , he's projected to be set for life by 27 years old. Regardless of his success, I could tell he was a positive and hard worker towards self development. I want to be around these type of people that have a growth mindset towards life and think smart. I added him on Facebook.

I went out to Mundo Lingo had fun, talked to 5-6 people mostly relatively deep conversations. They weren't the most attractive people that I talked with but the conversations we had were thoughtful and enjoyable. I have an unconscious bias that I usually gravitate towards more attractive people, bit of brainwashing by media growing up but I'm trying to change that. I felt less pressure by not going to the most attractive people. Maybe next week I set a challenge and go talk to the most attractive people to challenge my biasses of attractive people being dumb. I have quite a bit of unnecessary fucked up biases I need to unclog. I

I saw a photographer there taking pictures for her friend and I told her I could take pictures using her camera for the event. It was a camera that I had previously looked at and was amazed at how exciting it was to point and click. I asked her if I could take pictures for her for free next time at Mundo Lingo.

Overall pretty good day like 8/9 ;)

Edited by Arch
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18 hours ago, Arch said:

"... to challenge my biasses of attractive people being dumb. I have quite a bit of unnecessary fucked up biases I need to unclog. "

A surgeon in the hospital I work in is pretty damn good looking and apparently intelligent too.  But he's really humble and I always see him dressed in scrubs.  Some folks are blessed with good looks.  I have a bias that all attractive people are self-absorbed.  I'm trying to disprove that because I think I avoid talking to certain people who are especially attractive.  ?

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4 hours ago, Dannigan said:

A surgeon in the hospital I work in is pretty damn good looking and apparently intelligent too.  But he's really humble and I always see him dressed in scrubs.  Some folks are blessed with good looks.  I have a bias that all attractive people are self-absorbed.  I'm trying to disprove that because I think I avoid talking to certain people who are especially attractive.  ?

I'm glad I'm not the only one :) But the truth is it's a bias based on no facts, a judgement from fear. I say this but we need to challenge this to truly find out.

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Day 7,

Meditated - 5/9, Running - 6.5/9

It was interesting after work I went to a meeting about the future procedure for painting. In there I talked to a guy who was in the film-making business and he was giving it a bad wrap things like it's bad for your health and he would stay after 5 sometimes to get the work done. This is standard practice in film-making and I said you have to be a bit crazy to work in the film industry which I believe somewhat but I think the other part is to be highly passionate and organised. He instead desired the more low-key chill job of painting, and it is actually quite chill. I say this is interesting because it again reminds me of the 90%+ mediocrity that resides in society. He was justifying his leave from the film industry and had a warped view really, I look back before I began on this journey and can 100% relate with him because I didn't have much energy nor was I organized in the barest of senses. But now I see it actually achievable with enough hard work and dedication.

It's just unbelievable how pervasive this mediocrity thing is and the best place to look is ourselves where we are being mediocre. My organisation is mediocre, my imitation towards conversations is mediocre but I am working on his my exercise and sleep is generally good.

I shot some more Matariki photos will upload them over the weekend.

Grateful for: my camera, other people bitching about the cold that helps to me to feel good about my perspective of gratefulness, having things to do, bananas and my Gary V.

Edited by Arch
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Day 8,

I started the morning by waking up at 8AM, I was signing up on dating websites to go hook up or something or just meet random people for the sake of it. I have pretty strong sexual desires that I've pretty much repressed all my life. Don't know if it's the right way to go about it but I guess I should try and learn through experience than some idealized plan.

I helped Film for Change move offices and got to know the organization a bit better. They deal with making videos for 'trauma informed' counsellors to help people and families that are in danger of suicide, have had suicide in their families recover. Pretty noble cause to work with.

I edited more photos and put them up on Flickr

I went to a wine expo - Winetopia with my gay friend, had fun there and met two girls from Mundo Lingo. They asked if so could take some photos for their Linked In profiles and I don't mind doing so. I discovered that chocolate goes really well with ?. Winetopia had a really chill and vibrant vibe.

I unsubscribed from the two dating sites, I had to call their customer support just to cancel my subscription before it charged for a full month. The lady on the phone tried to subscribe me to another dating site and I had to raise my voice very authoritatively and told her what she is doing is wrong not listening to the customer, I had to tell her three times before she got off her sales rep schtick. Veerrry dodgy business customer service.

I'll try looking more on free dating things or maybe just go the real life route, that's what these dating sites are telling me. They're so fucking flaky and weird, I probably haven't spent enough time on them but I decided to unsubscribe because I know that I'd forget and get charged for a full month more than the three day trial membership.

I'm going to use Sundays as a 'preparation' day for the week and try to focus all day on setting my week up for success.

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This was yesterday's post:

Day 9,

Meditated 4.5/9 ran 5.5/9. Cleaned room, accountability brother watched football and did meet for our 10AM call. Told him it was not cool but obviously I'm not mad but tried to make him see that this doesn't help with going towards his goals and he made excuses.

Uploaded matariki Ahí ka photos on Instagram. Went dancing Kizomba, had ok time, moves quite hard to remember I need to practice more.

My methods to keep on track and not get distracted this week is by:

 drinking water regularly like every 30 minutes a sip or two. Listen to study music and use the Pomodoro 25 minute timer, disable wifi.

Eat a whole bar of dark chocolate. I'm craving carbs because I'm bored and have started an association with sugars I need to drink more water and focus on tasks. I ran out of cellular data so will need to go to town to get internet, I don't pay for wifi at my place, positive is that it forces me to go outside and walk to the city more likely to have shoot something out there than the cozy comfort of my room.

Grateful for: brothers coming to see me and shouting me dinner, rain that contrasts the good days, my phone, Gary V, excitement of morning runs

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Day 10,

Meditation - 5/9. Running - 7/9.

I laid in bed and napped for and hour as I was trying to read Dale Carnegie, learnt from this mistake don't lay in bed.

I went to the library to listen/watch Gary V/RSD. I resisted urges to buy a nut bar from my favorite lil shop. I'm thinking if I resist this sugar craving wouldn't I eventually just cave in anyway because "what you resist persists"? I managed to distract myself and drink water and bypass this urge. I'll try to remember to do this again tomorrow. I still eat bananas and green apples... They probably stimulate my desire for sweets. 

I went back home to eat lunch, going back home I have no wifi. My thought was to go hard mode so that when ever I want access to the internet I need to go to the city. Also my thinking is to save the $23 a month but the convenience for what it gives to enable me to upload my photos and watch courses is worth it I think. I realise that saving money on this issue doesn't actually work out in that it enables me to work towards my career more efficiently.

I don't know if watching Gary V is a good thing for where I am at life. He's inspirational but I feel bad when I don't achieve much in my day. He says to be patient in the way of 'eating shit' for 10 years and look at the long term. Everyday I think I can change my behavior in a day :/ but this is impossible. 

I went to Kizomba tonight, good vibes,  slightly less people ? left early to make sure I sleep on time.

Grateful for: internet, dancing, water, books, my smile

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Day 11,

Pretty good day.

Meditation 4.5/9, Running 7/9

I've been doing my miracle morning pretty luxuriously taking more time than I need to. On one hand I think it's good because I'm actually taking time to enjoy things and on the other hand I don't know if it's just an excuse to be lazy. So I've been completing my miracle morning in 1 hour 15-20 minutes instead of one hour. Perfectionism? ?

I had a nap again after finish reading my Social Anxiety material. I think I will just walk to the library to force me not to lay in bed to escape the cold. The library opens at 8.30 though so that means I gotta figure something else out for 2 hours. I guess I shall just live in the kitchen where there is no bed haha.

I went to meet Charles a Chinese migrant who wanted to go to last week's leadership meeting but couldn't make it. He asked me if we could meet to fill him in on what he missed out on. He had similar visions of wanting to change the world perhaps through the education system. We spend a good hour and half talking and at the end he offered me a free financial planning session tomorrow. It's cool how things are coming together, I need to get my finances sorted if I want to be productive and to run any sort of business let alone my life. And here the universe is offering it to me for willing to be friendly and helping others :)

I watched a course on what differentiates an amateur and a pro photographer from skillshare.com. Some differences were that a pro photographer makes their living off taking photos and an amateur doesn't. Pros also shoot photographs according to what clients want not what they themselves want.

I read some of the XT2 camera manual in preparation of Mundo Lingo in case that organiser girl wanted some photos to be taken but she wasn't there tonight.

I met up with the other guy I met @ the leadership talk last week in a little chill bar to have a chat. We talked about our goals and why's. I told him that I feel my why's have recently felt diluted and that I need to revisit them as I feel less productive or losing course. I asked him how his why, does it strengthen in the journey your in or does it have to be Rock solid from the get go. His response was that it is through the journey.


For me my why for work is weak. I have the trip to South America driving me but my why is a bit fuzzy. I told him that I remember when I was young, me and my sister where sleeping in a tent with my dad and we pondered what we should be. A doctor, lawyer? My father is a doctor and so I felt obliged to do something as noble, helping poor people or changing the world but here lies the problem. Is my why, my dad's why? Because if it is then it's shallow and doesn't truly resonate with me. I think I've been a bit brainwashed on this end and find it hard to actually differentiate I'd it is indeed his why and not mine.

I went to Mundo Lingo and had a good night. I realise now that I need to actually practice this at least 4 times a week to have significant progress and becoming relatively conversational for when I go to South America.


This is kind of what I mean by my goals need revisiting. I think my photography thing may need to take a backseat, for now, increase my days working at painting to save up for my trip to South America. As it stands right now I don't exactly know what I stand for but I'm hoping my travels can give me some new perspectives and insights on how I want to live my proceeding years to come. So I think that's my goal now, to narrow it all down towards making this trip happen. One step at a time. I don't even know if photography is my thing, and yet maybe just another extension of me doing what other people think I'm good at.

I'm confused :s and want to seek clarity. It's hard to explain but when people ask me what I like to do I say photography, cooking but these questions never get to the real heart of me to the point of "what would you like to be doing on your dying breath?" Fuck I'm a dramatist lol. The game of Life blarghh...

Grateful for: smarter people than me - humbling, chill Vibe bars, honesty, library's warmth, miracle morning.

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Day 12, 

Gave up in the morning. I don't know what it was, the ache in my heels, the cold or the accumulation of my goals not being clear but I decided to sleep to 5:30 instead of 5AM. I am a little physically tired and felt entitled to rest more.

I tried reading a little bit of DC but ended up dozing off till 8.30, I didn't beat myself up as I know that's not helpful nor useful to getting where I want to go.

I went to a financial planner to start saving, I moved all my first pay to the savings account and left the rest for rent and food. I need to save to meet my goal of going overseas.

My folks came into town and we are curry for lunch. I helped them out with their visas as they are also going overseas. They brought me fish and some food.

I went running in the afternoon to make up for my neglect in the morning. I watched videos about using a caulking gun and sanding. Lastly, talked to my twin brother in Japan as he's started his travels and video recording.

Grateful for: helpful positive people, food, my warm clothes, my legs to walk, YouTube.

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Day 13,

I meditated using fabulous guided meditation - 5/9. Didn't run but chose to use the intensive workouts from Fabulous. I did this because I wanted a bit more time in my morning to plan and enjoy eating breakfast, etc... Running takes the most of my miracle morning. I think what I'll do is run on the days I don't have work and do the intensive workouts when I do. It seemed to work great today.

I got a message from my ex-therapist who is in India in a zen Community. I sent him an email of my progress, over the tail end of our sessions he became a friend to me and I enjoy sharing my journey with I'm as he was the first person who just sat there and listened to me and felt cared about. Most of us don't know how to listen including me, it's such a valuable skill it ought to be mandatory in schools. It's what allows us to forgive, grow and be compassionate.

So yea, went to work did gap filling all day and my boss gave me my contract to sign. I asked him if I could do 3 days a week starting next week and he agreed. I think this would boost my levels in travelling greatly, I may even be able to travel to three countries I'd I save up big.

On my way back home I went to the post office to see how much shipping would cost for a WW2 Jacket I had previously been given but had no use for. Some more money to go into the savings. I checked my bank account and noticed that there were still Visa purchases for those dating sites that totaled to $45. I'm not gonna bother chasing up and asking a refund. I'll just take this as a painful lessons that temptations usually end up paying you. Anyways I have this jacket to offset that deficit.

I went to Film for Change and it looks like there will be some projects coming up that I'll keep an eye out for. There me and a mate grabbed some ? and fed the volunteers and staff. There was a cool wooden tree art thing made of pieces of small wood and driftwood that I wanted to capture but forgot to. I'll remember to shoot it next time

I came back home and spend like an hour and 15 minutes reading through my contract, I still have like 6-7 pages to read. Basically, I'm a the bitch and the employer has all the power.

Grateful for: mum's soup, sun, travel guide books, water, learning new skills.

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Yesterday's post:

Day 14,

Meditated using fabulous - 4/9. I will find a different guided meditation source, the one on fabulous is quite pushy and quick where I distracted by the promptness. The instruction is veruy good but very poorly paced. Exercise - Did Core body workout using fabulous.

I bought a snapper card. The night before I had cooked crumbed fish and had plenty left over. I thought about how awesome of a lunch I would have the next time but opted to set aside my gluttonous desires for kindness. I gave fish to my workmates  to see the effects of kindness - they enjoyed it and thanked me. I found out that one of the other painters likes fishing and offered him to go fishing with my step-dad who is also a fisherman.

After work I handed my contract agreement to a supervisor of my employer. I told him about my journey with quitting gaming and he also reciprocated with his own journey and how God helped him with his. He told me he was introverted and was going down the wrong path, etc. We built a bit of a more common relationship with understanding and see a little more eye to eye now. Not that he was a bad guy or anything but it goes to show you know nothing about anyone until you let them talk to you and are able to shutup and listen to them with your heart. No I'm not a christian convert yet but the lessons he shared with me were found on what he called 'truths' as hard as rock so that the wind can not blow you down. From his gospel, I drew a lot of parallels with the habit changes and purpose motivators that I have personally undergone and respected him for sharing his purpose. These conversations are at least intriguing and positive, able to motivate and inspire people compared to the dribble that goes on everyday life.

I went to shoot photos for a band called The Moira Jean Band in the city. In doing so I discovered a site for music gigs called www.undertheradar.co.nz where they post music gigs there. I have been trouble finding music events to go to on eventfinda.co.nz but the former website showed 5 gigs in one day! :D So pretty happy with this. I called the bar a couple of hours before they started to play and asked if it was OK if I came to shoot photos of them. They said it was alright and I also asked Moira herself and she was ok with it and gave me her business card. Fuck I gotta get one of these printed! I told her I can send the photos to her and may post them online. I unfortunately left early and didn't get her to sign a release form because I wanted to get in bed in a reasonable time so I could wake up at 5AM. I will instead ask her permission in an email. I think working in this industry requires being able to push the time your willing to work in order to to build your reputation. So i've identified that this was a mistake and will be more flexible with my morning wakeup time to find a balance and be able to do both equally well. I said previously that I should put off my photography ventures aside whilst ramping up to leave overseas but I find it so fun and fascinating ;) I guess I can make exemptions for a Saturday lol, i'm so serious about my weekend time usage now.

I went to my mum's catching a train to hers. She picked me up 20 minutes before midnight and I went straight to sleep.

Grateful for: Mum, other people sharing their journeys, musicians, fresh fish and my legs to walk everywhere.

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Day 15,

I'm at my Mum's house.

Meditated and used the 10 minute intensive exercise from Fabulous.

I talked to @giblets for an hour about our first Spanish Lecture.

Talked to my Dad who is in Yemen, he was watching the football and it is a great pastime of relief for the people there. He said "everything stops when the games start" I later suggested that we should go for some more walks because his legs kick the bucket. He nodded to my suggestion and picked the Bay of Islands as our next frontier. We had been there before but in a rushed manner and now we are different people I suspect it will be a nice experience. If anything I just want to forge peaceful and happy memories so that when he does get old and unable he can be at peace in his aching.

I edited last nights photos and asked permission to upload them. 

Added my working status to my LinkendIn profile

Listened to Gary V

Asked a friend to catchup later in the week. Asked a uni friend if he would be keen on shooting videos/photos anymore with me, he said he's not. I appreciated another High school friend's art on Facebook.

Talked briefly to my oldest brother.

Ate too much food - convenience of food at my mum's place is dangerous.

My morning went quite good from 6-11AM but procastinated after that. I'm making progress now though. The successful techniques I utilized that kept me on track in the morning where water, my notepad and study/learning music.

I had planned  to read about travelling and Finance papers but didn't get around to doing so. All in all a slightly successful day. My few photos from the music video got like 8-9 likes in 2 hours which signals that Music related photography/videography is the best to get noticed - its viral, people talk about it and share with their friends quickly so I'll aim my efforts of photography more towards this avenue and see if it proves correct.

Grateful for: Sleepless nights, exercise, blankets and heaters, computers to connect us and Espanol



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Day 16,

Meditated - 5.5/9, Exercise - core workout.

I did my social studies course, read DC but didn't practice Spanish (procrastinated) and watched RSD video by Tyler. 

Called oldest brother for accountability. He told me I should be careful what words I use like 'Social Anxiety' as it frames you as someone who has it and is a victim, even though it may be true it puts brakes on the progress in overcoming it by identifying oneself with it. He cited how in the health sector we label people with certain illnesses because it makes it easier to manage people by categorizing them with problems and those people rarely get better because they cling to their label.

I tried to defend the notion that I'm doing a social anxiety course because as Dr Thomas Richards says your brain can only believe things that are comprehensible so saying things like "I'm going to have an amazing day or climb Mt Everest" is unrealistic and unbelievable to your brain and in changing behavior. I then paid attention to what he was saying and realised he was right in that where I want to go, to overcome this I need to be using as many methods as possible to point me in that direction. I'm happy that I was able to shut my ego up and listen instead.

I went to the last Kizomba instructional of Foundations, felt great and had fun as usual. Spoke to more people this time by approaching with what smile I could muster ?

I signed up to tutoring English and set up a profile on tutoroo.co for my local area in Wellington city.

grateful for: genuine friendships, Whittaker's artisan dark chocolate, dancing, Internet, feeling good.

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I just realized we stopped gaming in the same weekend. Lets keep it going! :D

It seems like you are really working on what to spend your life and and maybe doing some much needed reflection on your life. Definitely going to follow this journal :)

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Day 17, 

Meditation - 5/9, Running - 7/9

Woke up slightly more energized than usual. I had thought the night before that the first 5-10 seconds that I wake up are instrumental to starting the ignition to my life so I just sprung myself out of bed.

I started week 5 of my Social studies course, read DC and finished watching Crumb, a documentary about a cartoonist and the upbringing of such a personality and his world.

I washed and dried my clothes. Went to mum's again to use my older brother's computer and view the footage my twin brother has been shooting in Japan. I gave him tips a out his camera movements and audio as well as narrative content to improve his videos. He seems to be having fun troubleshooting through film-making. Reminds me of when I learnt, I still struggle with it now, just have a bit more fun though.

I practiced Spanish on the train and didn't give a fuck if people could hear me, that felt good.

It was my mum's birthday, we took a selfie and sent the picture of to her social medias. She found a lot of enjoyment for this occasion. 

Grateful for: my jacket that keeps me warm in the rain, my life, my vision board that clears up my direction and goals, my mornings and water.

P.S no post tomorrow.

Edited by Arch
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Day 19,

Meditation - 4/9, exercise - 6/9.

Meditation still hard but getting used to it and remembering to focus on breathing more in daily life. I did the core and workout. 

Went to work, there I've been working with a new guy and he's my age and also an ex-gamer. We talk endlessly about our noatalgia with games of the 90's and early 00's. He asked me if I wanted to go to the net cafe so we could play together, I said no. I

It interests me if I could go back and play. I would approach the matter differently now though. I would play a maximum of 2 hours and only co-op games that have a campaign or definite ending. He mentioned Metal Slug, an old school 2D scrolling shooter and that's the type is be willing to experiment with. All in all, after all those criterion posed for me to play I still am not attracted to games in the same way I used to. I have a mature outlook now where I understand that playing games may be initially fun and provide us with a surge of feel-good noatalgia but end the end you don't accomplish anything. I'm more interested in making friends, building networks or a business so that I can have kids and have enough wealth to provide them with the best chances to fulfil their potential. I just see it as a waste of time to play games now... I rather talk about the art-style of games and the production processes in making them instead. I can't believe I'm at this point saying this but I know I'm on the right track.

I came home, eat dinner. Checked if my parcel had been sent (a jacket sold online) and sure enough it had been picked up. I was trying a new courier system by Trade me where you can book a courier to pick your parcel, you just have to package it yourself and it is waaay cheaper. At a post shop I got quoted $45 to the South Island and with this system it was $8 AND they come to your door to pick it up! Amazing.

I had shot a couple of photos last night and went to the net cafe to edit them tonight. I also uploaded two videos from my YouTube to my Facebook account. I really need to polish up my Facebook page by adding more details. I've become a bit more clear about what I want to shoot.

Grateful for: friends, photography, feeling tired from working that my body is able to sleep easily, my shoes and water.

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