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My 90 day gaming abstinence detox journey journal


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On 4/19/2018 at 11:22 AM, Natasha said:

If you aren't comfortable sharing with all of them, you could choose to call a few people you really trust and tell them. :)

I've been telling a few friends here and there when we've been hanging out or over the phone :)  it's definitely helpful to have people in our corner supporting us!

On 4/19/2018 at 2:39 PM, BigOlBeartic said:

I can't even tell you the levels of stress and anxiety I get when I start a job application cycle xD or even as I was applying to internships this semester. That goes for interviews as well :P But I'm slowly gaining confidence. Good luck, hopefully you will get good news on dream jobs on all #1 #2 and #3!

Some of the best advice I ever got was to remember that the company and hiring manager have a problem. There is a job that needs to be done. You are there to be the solution they need and help them solve their problem. Going in with that attitude really helped my confidence. Also remember that the interview is not just about presenting your best self but to also check out your potential employer and make sure that it really is a boss and company you want to work for.

My last job I didn't feel out the hiring manager enough or ask around at my company about her. She was a big question mark. I know better now what kinds of clues I need to look for and additional questions I need to ask to help identify a toxic person before I work for them such as "what kinds of things are you doing to continue to learn and grow and become a better manager?" 

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Day 17 & 18

Found a good job to apply for in Vancouver WA which would be great. It took about two hours to complete and submit the application. Driving I-5 from Portland to Vancouver every day might suck but at least it would be opposite of rush hour traffic. Hiked to New Seasons market to get hot wok from the deli because the day was so gorgeous. I pile so many vegetables in the bowl (broccoli, spinach, mushrooms, carrots, ginger), order the hot wok with double meat, and can usually get two great meals out of it for $10.

Talked a lot to my roommate yesterday. Cleaned up my whole contact list in my phone which took an hour. I'm still procrastinating a lot though. I told my roommate I'm writing a book. He insists that I should come with him to PSU campus on the weekends to find a quiet place to just crank out more. I really should. I'm over half done with the rough draft. It's sort of a memoir but not linear. I'm writing about a lot of the difficult lessons I've had to learn in life through good decisions and bad. It's about taking risks in life and having things work out fabulously as well as having things blow up in my face. Coming out was not easy for me and took a long time but being able to live a life of integrity without having to lie to anyone or hide who I am is very freeing and much of the book is about that.

I wasn't very productive all day Friday. Friends came over for game night and we had a great time playing Isla Dorada and Terraforming Mars. 

Tomorrow I'm going to yoga at 10:30 I'm not going to skip it again. Going to my friends' BBQ at 5:30 that my brain thought was last weekend for some reason. It'll be a great time with good food, drink, hot tub, and getting to see a lot of friends - maybe 20 people coming?

Okay my bed is calling... goodnight! 

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Day 19

I went to yoga but I hadn't been in a while and the time was changed to 10am instead of 10:30 so I ended up just working out at the gym instead. My friends' BBQ party was a lot of fun. 

Came home and talked to Matthew on the phone until about 12:30 last night. He's coming down to Portland today. I haven't been this excited for a first date in at least two years. I know that there's a risk with online dating of idealizing the other before meeting and have experienced that several times when I was younger. I know now that all gay men like myself are flawed in some way but I've learned more and more over the years to just love people for who they are and not for what they could be. Whatever happens we're building a solid friendship at least.

I think I'm sufficiently rested, done with my hangover, and caffeinated now to go clean house. 

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Hi @Natelovesboardgames! It's great to read that you're doing okay. Don't worry about that idealizing we all do that, because we really want things which are best for us. Although confrontation with reality can sometimes be hard, it's better to think what good things you can get from those not-imagined aspects of others. Like you said, just love people. Peace!

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Days 20-23

Matthew arrived Sunday. There was some initial awkwardness and sexual tension but once we got dinner at C Bar and then dessert at Papa Haydn both here in Portland we relaxed and were able to relax and enjoy our time. I told him before the trip he was welcome to stay at my place and crash on the couch. Since things were going well I told him he was welcome to sleep in my room with me and he accepted. 

Monday I cooked blueberry pancakes for breakfast and then we drove down to Silver Falls state park to go hiking and to see the waterfalls. It was about an hour away. The place is magnificent and if you're ever in the vicinity of Silverton Oregon (near Salem) I highly recommend you go. We hiked about six miles and saw the six big waterfalls. We didn't pack enough snacks and with Matthew having quit smoking about a week before he started to get hangry. On the way back we stopped at the Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm near Woodburn. We got there about 5:30 and had a lot of fun taking dozens of pictures of the vividly colored rows of pink, orange, yellow, white, red, black, violet, and red tulips. We left about 6, went to get gas, then to home to change and get dinner. Matthew was really struggling being hungry and craving a cigarette but we finally got to the bar at Higgins restaurant in Portland for dinner. We went home drank a bottle of wine he brought and watched Netflix. 

Tuesday I made pancakes again for breakfast and we drove to Astoria, Oregon to see the Goonies house, climb the Astor Column, and had lunch at Fort George Brewing. We visited the shipwreck of the Peter Iredale and Sunset beach. Then went to Cannon Beach and spent a lot of time on the beach there before heading back to Seaside for dinner at a nice Italian restaurant (I'm forgetting the name) then back to Portland. He apologized for being difficult the previous day. I told him since he was able to make it through a difficult day without caving in to his craving for a cigarette that he should count that as a success. I also don't have trouble with boundaries and since he didn't say anything that went beyond some bitching it wasn't an issue. 

Today I baked an apple puff pancake which is like a lot like a Dutch baby. We rode the Portland Aerial Tram up to the top of Sam Jackson Hill where OHSU is. We hiked on the waterfront and had lunch at Chen's Good Taste. It was really hot today. We went for a sweet snack, to Powells Books, then for a cocktail, then back home to change and then headed to the Mediterranean Exploration Company for dinner. He just left about an hour ago to go back home. 

Overall we had a really good time. I recognized that I really have feelings for him but he is definitely not ready to be in a committed relationship. I told him today that I do love and care about him but it's clear that it's not something he could do at this time. He agreed. I told him I wouldn't chase him or wait for him but if he decided he did want to pursue a relationship later and showed me that he is ready then am open to the idea. 

One thing he said today was I said the "love" word too easily. I told him I've had crushes, been infatuated, in lust, obsessed, and in love. I talked about how it's easy to confuse lust and love. Maybe I did say it too easily but we have really built a good start to a friendship that will last a long time and who knows what will happen in the future. 

Okay back to regular life tomorrow!

 

 

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Day 24

I was so tired last night I slept 10 hours. Today was hard. I didn't feel like doing anything. I felt like I wanted to cry but couldn't start. Definitely depression symptoms partly made worse by drinking alcohol these last few days. I think I fell harder for Matthew than I realized. I know from experience that I need to avoid thinking about him when I jack off otherwise it's a lot harder to move on. I've never really had a porn habit. The overwhelming majority of it I find boring or disturbing or sad. I did manage to give up masturbation for about three months when I was 19. 

I did some laundry and dishes. I read some of The Power of Habit and farted around on Facebook and Linkedin. I got an email from the company I did the phone interview for last Tuesday that lasted 22 minutes saying thanks for applying but we're going with other candidates which wasn't a surprise. I talked to a few people via text. I wonder how the hours went by so fast? 

Maybe I should have taken 1.5 or 2 antidepressant pills this morning? I've been on Bupropion 150mg for the last 12 years which has been helpful. One of my doctors told me I could take more if I felt I needed to. It gives me a headache when I do that though so I don't do it very often. Alcohol interacts with the antidepressant and makes me feel sluggish the next day. I have had drinks the last six days so I definitely think that's a cause and I need to abstain for now. 

Friday - one bottle of beer

Saturday - 3 or 4 mixed drinks

Sunday - one pint of beer

Monday - one glass of wine at the restaurant we had dinner at then we split a bottle at home

Tuesday - one glass of wine at dinner and a cordial of sambuca, split a bottle of wine at home

Wednesday - one mixed drink at happy hour

I couldn't bring myself to go to the gym today. We did so much walking and hiking last few days. We also ate and drank a lot of really tasty rich food, sweets, and not so many healthy things. I weighed myself this morning after my shower and I'm up to 206 lbs (93.44kg) which means I'm back to my heaviest weight that I was in 2013. I'd managed to get down to almost 180 in 2015 and I'd love to get back down at least under 190. 

At least I'm resisting the urge to eat ice cream this evening. Or play video games. I'm going to go for a walk now that it's cooling off outside. 

Maybe I'll take 1.5 or 2 happy pills tomorrow. I haven't needed to since I started the detox and I think the last time I did that was over a month before? I'm not sure. 

 

 

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Day 25

I'm headed to a board game night at my friends' house so will likely be up late. Thought I'd make this entry before I went since I had some time here. 

I took 1.5 Bupropion this morning (generic Wellbutrin) so I'll likely feel great tomorrow and get to yoga at 10am. Today I felt much like yesterday. I managed to apply for one job and read some more of the Power of Habit and defrosted my freezer. 

Yesterday I looked up a guy on Linkedin that I went on a few dates with back in 1996 when we were both in college. I had looked to see if I could find him on Facebook from time to time over the years but never found him there. Yesterday on a whim I searched for him on Linkedin and found him. So I messaged him. We exchanged a few messages today and talked about going to happy hour soon. It's funny that he just moved back to the Portland area and started a new job at my former employer. 

I'm at the chapter in the Power of Habit that talks about making small goals for each day and how the people that wrote them down did better with their willpower than those that didn't. I find I really struggle with meal planning. So many times I default to a turkey sandwich, burrito, bowl of cereal, or Greek yogurt with fruit and/or granola when I eat at home. I do need more vegetables in my diet. I also struggle with motivating myself to go to the gym and what time to go and eating enough of the right foods at the right time so that I'm fueled and not hungry when I'm at the gym. 

I need to figure out some good, small goals I can do daily that will help. I started making the bed most mornings. 

Some good habits I started years ago: drinking a pint of water first thing in the morning when I wake up and another before bed. I drink some smaller amounts of water throughout the day. I used to drink a pint of orange juice every morning, now I drink maybe 4 ounces. I always eat breakfast. Usually it's a bowl of cereal like many Americans. I tried giving up Pepsi and Coke and other soda back in 2003. I got these massive cravings while doing so and ended up becoming a daily coffee drinker to get through it. Before that I was drinking 1-2 can sized or larger cola drinks daily. At first I put cream and sugar in the coffee but now just a little cream is all I need. And now I can enjoy maybe one or two soda drinks a month. 

I haven't heard back from dream job #1, #2, or #3 yet. I'm starting to wonder if I will. Sigh...

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Day 26

Yesterday I was tired but managed to get my butt out of bed early enough to eat, drink coffee, and hike to the gym for yoga class. Yoga has gotten harder since I gained some weight back and lost some muscle but gotta start somewhere! The teacher on Saturday morning is amazing and always kicks my ass. I've always tried not to look at the clock during class. I try to hold out through the discomfort as long as possible. This time I was able to make it to the end without looking. I had a really hard time standing on my right leg only for more than just a second but I'll keep working on getting strength and balance built back up. 

Went and saw Infinity War in the afternoon. Before going Matthew and I texted a couple times. He said he "wouldn't mind a fwb situation if you're okay with that".  I told him I was agreeable but "I just want you to know that mixed messages drive me bonkers. If you're flirting with me one moment and pushing me away the next it will mess with my brain :15_yum:". I'd been in situations before with guys who had given me mixed signals before. I recognized that it was happening early on and was my primary reason why I reached the conclusion that he wasn't ready for a relationship. He texted back later that he was sorry about the mixed signals. He's been pretty open about his previous relationship difficulties and his desire to improve his life. He also said "I'm glad you're understanding about that and are able to handle my crazy haha". Later in the evening he messaged me asking what I was doing. I just plugged in an old movie. He asked if he could call me I said sure. We then talked for close to four hours. We talked for over an hour about his fitness routine and where he found good instructions and advice online. We talked about a lot of other things too. We could have kept talking.

I don't know what will happen with this friendship whether it will end up being just a friendship or something more. I'm just trying to enjoy the moment. I definitely have feelings for him. I don't know exactly how he feels about me but there is definite chemistry between us. I am hopeful but have to be realistic that he may get scared if we get too close and push me away. 

This is one thing I've learned over the years that the saying "if you love someone set them free" doesn't necessarily apply to the end of a relationship. It's something often said to someone whose heart has been broken. It might be better at the beginning. Show the one you love that you them love in both actions and words. Take the risk and let them know how you feel. Be kind and be vulnerable. Be open and trustworthy. But also do not forget to be your own person and be firm with your boundaries of what you can tolerate and what you will not. Trying to grasp and keep someone close who is too scared will only make both people miserable.

I might be going down a path of heartache with Matthew but I feel like I really don't have anything to lose by loving this guy. Being 45 years old I do know based on experience when to hope and when to let go.

 

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Day 27

Went to brunch this morning with my friend Tai at Pambiche which is a Cuban restaurant and quite good. He's been a good friend and was a former roommate. 

A friend of mine posted last week on Facebook that her mother had passed away. I used to work with both of them so I went to the service this afternoon. I didn't stick around after for very long but I told my friend I would call her in a week and schedule a lunch date with her. 

My friend Joey had texted me this morning saying something about a friend in town and taking him to the airport tomorrow and cooking dinner tonight so for some reason I got it in my brain that it was tomorrow night. I was being lazy trying to decide whether to go to the gym or eat or write and he texted me at 6:54pm saying "where are you?". I was like OMG! So I texted back "oops I thought it was tomorrow. I can be there in 20 minutes if that's okay?" and he said "get over here". We had a good time. I told them I'd quit video games and had been getting more items on the calendar but trying to keep track of it all in my head and should write it down. I told them how two weeks ago I showed up for my friends' BBQ a week early. It was just four people and we had a really nice time.

Got home and texted Matthew and he called me. We talked for about 40 minutes. I can't stop smiling when I think about him. 

Goodnight all!

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Day 28

I started a class today called Rethinking Job Search started by the state of Oregon. It looks to be a good class about overcoming the obstacles that keep us feeling trapped and helpless and depressed while being unemployed. It's going to run a month M-W-F 10-noon. It seems to be filled with a bright group of about 10 people in their 40s and 50s who could use a little help which is where I'm at. 

I'm so tired of all the clichés about the modern job search. Stuff like "build your brand" just irks me. We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded by advertising and have to constantly filter out the noise. You want me to try to stand out? How? Making noise? hahahaha! Sure it seems like it's all based on who you know anymore. I'm great at networking but I haven't had any luck figuring out how to leverage that network. I have so many friends who are in different fields and industries than I am. Sure I'm willing to learn something new. It makes me feel so drained thinking about it. 

I did find a competition today for a job I'm tempted to enter here https://travelguide.wowair.com I have no experience in video editing. The project seems daunting. Traveling though is something I want to do more. One year ago I visited Europe for the first time ever and it was a life changing experience. I have friends and acquaintances in over half the cities wowair has listed. I could do this...  @Cam Adair do you have any recommendations for how I should try to edit together a two minute video about my town? Like what software or programs to use? 

Finished a job application for another company in Seattle today. It's a smaller company that needs my skill set and looks promising. They wanted my college transcript though. My GPA was 2.91 as I had some bad years. It took me 17 years from start to finish but I did finish! Of course I wasn't attending that whole time but college was a big unfinished part of my life for several years. I couldn't hold back the tears at the graduation ceremony in 2007. It was one of the happiest moments of my entire life. We'll see what happens.

Goodnight all!

 

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So much good stuff here.  And trust me the detox was not easy for one single person.

In your original post I was 3 things.

  1. In the early mornings instead of reading or facebooking, do something with other people.
    1. In my case I can call my Dad, or a friend I rarely hear from in Chicago, or my sister.
    2. I have some clients on the East coast.  I can call them early rather than at the end of my work day.
    3. Or you can always go to Starbucks and sit in the place to enjoy your coffee.
    4. Every week I have a breakfast on Thursday at 7AM with my wife and daughter.
    5. Every week on Friday I have breakfast with a good friend.
  2. Board Games.  I have discovered the Fluxx games but Looney Labs.  Got my whole family hooked on them.
  3. If you feel lost as a writer, I suggest "The Snowflake Method"
  4. If you want to blow your mind about forming good habits, I suggest "Mini Habits"

 

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Day 29

I realized late last night that I had emailed off my cover letter, resume, references, and transcript for the job I applied for yesterday without converting them all to a .pdf format first. So I emailed them today with all the attachments in .pdf form and wrote sorry, I realized I forgot. I hope being honest and catching the mistake and fixing it fast will help.

Dream job in Seattle #3 (City of Seattle Employee Retirement System) emailed me back with a decline. Oh well! It was worth a shot. I still haven't heard back from #1 or #2 yet. 

So I decided today to look up a local company with a good reputation and decided to see what kinds of jobs they had. I figure getting my foot in the door at a good company and working my way up would be preferable to temping. Last time I was unemployed I started temping and that's what got me into my last employer. Unfortunately I worked as a temp for two years before i finally was hired permanently. I'd rather not do that again. 

So I applied to this place and they had me do an online personality/customer service assessment. As soon as it was done it said they wanted to interview me. The time shown was 2:30pm that afternoon. So I went and had lunch with a friend then came home and did the phone interview. It went well and the recruiter had me submit an application online directly to the position. I have an interview tomorrow at 3pm. They're looking for people who want to grow with the company into management and they do a lot of promoting from within. It's going to be a more physically demanding job than I've been used to doing but I should be okay. It feels good to be wanted. Online said pay was $15-$20/hour I put that I wanted to start at $18. There will likely be lots of options for overtime and their benefits are excellent so let's see what happens. 

Oof I'm up late. Goodnight!

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Excellent!  Good luck on the job hunt.  Also, Physically demanding jobs save you money going to the gym.  And I find that an 8 hour shift goes by a lot faster.  Keep in mind that as a software developer, I sit on my ass all day.  It's much better to get the blood flowing, trust me.

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Day 30

Rethinking Job Search class this morning went well. Interview this afternoon had to be postponed until tomorrow morning by the manager who had an emergency. She apologized on the phone I told her "it's okay it shows you I'm flexible". Went to the store then the gym. Came home and cooked chicken rice and broccoli. I'm falling asleep on the couch. 

Goodnight!

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Day 31

A good friend of mine called me this morning. We met on a dating app over three years ago when he was living in Bahrain. He's a doctor now living in New York City. We met in person for the first time briefly last Summer when he visited Portland. He said I should marry him. I can't think of a reason why not other than my gut tells me there's something about him I don't know. I call it his crazy. If I were to figure out what his crazy was maybe I could. 

It's funny how people pop back up into your life when you've found someone that you're falling for. I take it as a sign that maybe something right is happening? And this is actually the second time someone has popped back in and expressed interest since I first met Matthew. 

My interview today went really well. I asked some tough questions and the manager answered them really well. My only concern is she said that my answer to the starting salary amount desired on the application is higher than she's ever started anyone at the company. I recognize that their starting pay is about $8/hour less than what I was making at my last job. Full benefits start after six months. She said she would contact me tomorrow or Tuesday. What I think she will do is offer me something around their starting amount. I'll ask for a copy of their employee insurance benefits information and 401(k) information. If those benefits are as good as they say they are then I'll likely take the job. It'll be hard work, and I'll lose a lot of free time due to the hours and working overtime. The vacation time is less than other companies. I'm so tired of being unemployed and looking for work though. Most of all, the boss and the two other employees at the store I talked to seemed great. All the employees of the company I've ever met seem great. I can do this. 

I talked to Matthew briefly on the phone around lunchtime and then by text throughout the afternoon. His birthday is May 13th. I told him I want to come up and take him out to dinner on the 12th. He seems thrilled. We decided on a restaurant in Seattle and I'll get a room for Saturday night. I can then go to my parents' on Sunday from there for Mother's day.

I was kinda restless in the afternoon. I didn't feel like job searching or writing. I decided to start typing up my book. Typed up about 10 pages worth from my rough draft. Talked to my roommate for a while when he got home from work, cleaned the kitchen, goofed around on Facebook, and watched some Netflix. I also rolled out a bunch of stiff muscles with my foam roller. I'm beat. It was a very good day. 

Goodnight all!

 

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CONGRATULATIONS on the job offer! :D Good to read you're doing well too, with your love life. Hopefully mine will as vivid as yours one day. Btw.. how was Infinity War? The trailer looks amazing, but I'm worried i'll get bored halfway in as I always do with movies these days.

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19 hours ago, BigOlBeartic said:

CONGRATULATIONS on the job offer! :D Good to read you're doing well too, with your love life. Hopefully mine will as vivid as yours one day. Btw.. how was Infinity War? The trailer looks amazing, but I'm worried i'll get bored halfway in as I always do with movies these days.

Thanks Beartic but no offer yet. Likely Tuesday. Thanks for your encouragement. Infinity War was really great but you definitely need to be up to date with all the Marvel movies. If you haven't seen Dr Strange, Black Panther, Spiderman Homecoming, Captain America Civil War, Thor Ragnarok, and both Guardians of the Galaxy movies etc. you'll likely get lost at some point. Have you seen Love, Simon yet?

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Day 32

Rethinking Job Search class went well. I wish I could have had this class maybe last December or January. A lot of what's being covered is really helpful. I read Lost Connections - Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression and the Unexpected Solutions by Johann Hari in March and that book had me look over and rethink what I was doing and my beliefs about my situation. Reading the book helped me to realize that gaming wasn't helping me to feel better about my life. If anything it was making me feel worse because of how much I was procrastinating. It was a vicious cycle. I'm glad I was able to recognize what changes needed to be made. My life isn't perfect by any means yet but my approach and attitude about it has renewed me and helped to give me more of a sense of purpose and accomplishment. The class is reinforcing that.

Cleaned house and talked to Matthew briefly in the afternoon. Called to close my HSA to reimburse myself for COBRA payments (stupid USA healthcare system). Paid my bills. Went to the gym and ran into a buddy there who is always asking when we are going to coffee so I called him and left a message after. Had my friends over for game night. We played Secret Hitler, Tribune, Suburbia, and Terraforming Mars. Matthew and I kept texting each other throughout the evening and he called me after everyone left. We talked on the phone until about 2am. 

Edited by Natelovesboardgames
for clarity
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Ok then this movie would probably just be eye candy for me then xD I haven't seen most of those. I tried to watch Dr Strange but got bored out of my mind. I haven't seen Love Simon yet either! I don't know why, I'm not much of a movie geek right now. I used to be. Reading all your stuff about board games makes me want to participate in something like that. Maybe I'll use meetup or something like that to find a group for it. I really want to play D&D but that's probably a fantasy that will never get realized lol.

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On 5/5/2018 at 2:03 PM, BigOlBeartic said:

Ok then this movie would probably just be eye candy for me then xD I haven't seen most of those. I tried to watch Dr Strange but got bored out of my mind. I haven't seen Love Simon yet either! I don't know why, I'm not much of a movie geek right now. I used to be. Reading all your stuff about board games makes me want to participate in something like that. Maybe I'll use meetup or something like that to find a group for it. I really want to play D&D but that's probably a fantasy that will never get realized lol.

Hey Beartic! Either go to meetup.com and look for D&D Adventures League going on at a local game store near you or pick up the new D&D 5th Edition starter set. It's got everything in the box you need to try it out for the first time. Get four of your friends together and run a game for them and see how it goes. Board games would require less planning and there's tons of meetups and great games out there now so I say go for it!

 

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Day 33 & 34

Went and got my haircut Saturday morning. My friend Kristie has been cutting my hair since 1999. We're the same age and we've supported each other throughout our relationship ups and downs in that time. One of the hardest parts about moving or getting a crappy work schedule would be figuring out how to get to keep seeing her for a haircut. Back in '99 I was working in a Wells Fargo way out in the Eastern suburbs of Portland and she was a customer. We always had fun when I helped her at the bank and I told her one day I wanted her to cut my hair (I was looking for a new stylist). We bonded quickly and I always look forward to talking with her. She's been really supportive about my quitting video games. It was also exciting to talk to her about how I may have found both a job and a guy. Well, trying not to get over excited since neither are certain at this point.

Went to my friend Eric's 50th birthday party yesterday afternoon. He became a close friend at a time in my life when I really needed one. He was the first person I ever told that I was gay and it did not change our friendship. I met him playing Street Fighter 2 at the college arcade. I ran into him in the cafeteria one day and we had lunch together and that's where the friendship really started. We grew apart after he graduated college as he got married and had kids. It's not like we forgot that we were friends it's just life gets in the way sometimes and everyone just gets wrapped up in their own lives and forgets to reach out. Reach out though! The best of friends will allow you to pick right back up where you left off. We've run into each other at parties hosted by mutual friends these last few years and have talked about getting together more. I need to make a bigger effort here. 

In the evening I went to a 5 de Mayo BBQ hosted by my friends Carlos and Jesse. Carlos is a fantastic cook and it was a really good time with a lot of very nice people. Carlos is also deaf so half of the people at the party were deaf. It's harder to communicate without knowing ASL but sometimes you just have to take out your phone and tap out on the keyboard what you're trying to say. 

It's funny when I told Matthew about the BBQ via text the autocorrect changed it to "Carlos is dead so about half of the people at the party are too." :8_laughing:

I talked to Matthew last night on the phone for a couple hours again until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Slept in this morning. Went to a board game meetup at noon and played a couple new games with Walt & Lynn and my friend Doug. We played Broadhorns and Sunset Over Water. Both were cute games but I don't feel the need to own either.

Came home talked to Matt on the phone and played Chess at the same time on an app. It turns out he's a lot better at Chess than I thought he would be and he killed me three times out of three games. Makes me admire him more and more. I'm really competitive but winning is not the ultimate goal. Having fun is. I've dated a number of guys who didn't like games at all. I've dated a few who liked games casually or who tolerated playing occasionally as a favor to me. I definitely underestimated him and I was pleasantly surprised. 

Goodnight all!

 

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12 hours ago, Dannigan said:

I truly admire your extroversion and your ease of making friends with people and 'maintaining' friendships over time.  That is something I am continually practicing:  forming connections and building them or fortifying them.  Sometimes I feel stuck especially when I want more 'me' time or solitude to unwind and relax from the demands of socializing at work or even social hobbies!  I'm getting better at recognizing when being away from others becomes a problem with relations.  I think relationships are like plants;  they need nurturing for growth.  

Anyway, good on you for reaching out to others and engaging them!  One thing I look forward to is buying a home that is bigger for hosting future potlucks for my dragon boat team, knitting group, and family.  My current place is tiny , as I rent a small suite.  ?

Thanks Dannigan! There have been times that I needed some alone time but they've been rare as I seem to get plenty as it is. I generally seem to collect introverts as friends and accept that I'll likely be reaching out to them more than they will be reaching out to me. It also means I appreciate it a lot more when others do make an effort to reach out to me because I do tend to isolate myself when I'm down. One really great thing about this detox is my mood has been so much better in general! 

I hope you find a great place when the time comes! 

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2 minutes ago, Natelovesboardgames said:

I generally seem to collect introverts as friends and accept that I'll likely be reaching out to them more than they will be reaching out to me.

I noticed this in my life as well. I think it's some weird social dynamic, where it's easier for us to be socially dominant/lead with a quieter person and therefore can be more outspoken and enjoy ourselves more. At least it is that way for me I noticed. Maybe it doesn't apply to you, I only skimmed through, but hey. Two cents :6_smile:

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3 minutes ago, JustTom said:

I noticed this in my life as well. I think it's some weird social dynamic, where it's easier for us to be socially dominant/lead with a quieter person and therefore can be more outspoken and enjoy ourselves more. At least it is that way for me I noticed. Maybe it doesn't apply to you, I only skimmed through, but hey. Two cents :6_smile:

When my friends from different parts of my life become friends with each other it really makes me feel good. 

In 2007 when I graduated from college my friends put this together as a gift. Got me all choked up at my graduation party. They all put a bunch of time and effort into making it and putting in each of their individual tributes. I didn't think I had done anything out of the ordinary but apparently it meant a lot to my friends and they all mean a lot to me. 

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