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Ending to a New Beginning (90 detox)


Arch
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Day 83,

I went running in light rain this morning. I didn't care it was easier to go running than to face the defeat of guilt. I am almost building an intrinsic good feeling inside me now that overrides the laziness to not do so. I am reaching the 90 day mark and every day is getting better and better.

I spent most of today at my mum's since it was a New Zealand public holiday. I downloaded RSD Maxs' fearless onto my phone and am going to follow his guide in facing my fears and keep going through. It's funny now, all my life I have thought I had social anxiety and I may do but the recent action I have taken spells out that I was just afraid to face the world and am pondering whether I just attached my identity to this notion of a helpless person. I will still so my social anxiety course as it is helping but it goes to show how much shit we make up in our imaginations.

Spanish WotD: Majo - nice

Tuve un majo baile está noche

I had a nice dance tonight.

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Grateful for: my persistence to push even whilst feeling fear, committing this long to this GQ journal, my family, cold showers and RSD.

 

Edited by Arch
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Day 84,

Meditated and ran.

I was looking forward to the interview for painting but he couldn't make it so we delayed the meeting to tomorrow. 

I went opshopping for kitchen things to aide me in cooking and eating better. I spent $20 and got several useful pieces for the kitchen.

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I highly recommend anyone to go to your local thrift / op shops before you go out spending on new things. It helps the environment because you're not bringing new material and eventually waste into the world, it's cheaper and there are actually some decent quality stuff in there if you keep your eyes peeled. It's amazing how we horse to buy new shit when there's so much available to be reused... 

i spoke to my Mexican language exchange friend for an hour and he told me that the food style changes whichever state of Mexico you are in. I did a fun exercise with him to point at things in your vicinity and name it quickly in English. He's going to try the same with me tomorrow but in Spanish and see if I can understand. I learnt how to count to a 1000 in Spanish after watching the Spanish course.

I went to a Spanish film night meetup near the city. I talked to a Peruvian lady briefly and also another guy who had been learning for 3 years and had previously travelled South America. He told me there is a Meetup to practice language exchange and so I added it to my calendar. The movie was quite bad actually lol but either way I got out and exposed myself a little. Film name '10,000' km even the good cinematography couldn't save the lacking story luckily the actors were good and had decent chemistry.

I heard this ol' classic and was hoping to it in the op shop. Gem.

 

 

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Day 85,

Meditated and ran. Listened to SA course but lay in bed and dozed off a little so wasn't too effective. I need to sit on my chair facing desk to assume the appropriate focused posture.

I went to the interview to get work in painting and it seemed to go well. He asked if I could start next week and I said yes... The vibe seemed positive so I hope I'm going to get work. He was a very kind person but on to it as well I could sense that off him. Straight eye contact but giving pause and listening carefully. 

I came back home and talked to Alexys and a bit of Spanish on HelloTalk. I went out to an open mic night tonight and just to expose myself and take more action. Pleased to went walking to the city and back as I had a big lunch and an equally sizeable dinner to burn off. I bought some dark chocolate too, to warm me up. I'm looking forward to exercise tommorow :D.

Grateful for: cold to remind us of the pleasure of warmth, Arabic food that fostered my love of food cuisines, photography to share stories with emotions, Rooibos tea and the advent of the smartphone.

It's interesting looking at people you grew up with in highschool and seeing where they are now.

Here's an important video you might want to consider showing a teenager you know in highschool who are coming into this ever-changing working landscape:

 

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Day 86,

I meditated but didn't run today. I didn't have an more gym shorts to run in, I need to do washing (not preparing) I don't wanna spend $8 to wash and dry 4 days worth of clothes and will just clean em at my new place on Saturday. Yes, I'm being a cheap ass but I need to save. I did do some core workouts instead tho?

I listened to SA course and listened to a podcast about how to not being distracted by Jordan Harbinger, another really good cast: https://pca.st/H3su

I talked more to Alexys, more silly fun shit shooting with him. I watched half of Spanish course or er and ir verbs. I didn't manage to watch it all as I had a meeting to be at for Film for change, an organization that produces videos for charities and non profit groups.

I went to Mundo Lingo and it was great fun, I'm looking forward to going again. It's basically where language learner's all come to chill and talk with each other. I practiced being a bit loose and social and had fun :D I added a guy called Thomas and might go out with him this weekend.

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Day 87,

I am in a bit of a small slump but know things will get better. I'm just having lazy days really and nervousness about work. Not doing the work itself but the 'waiting to hear back' because on one hand I don't wanna be using time to look for more jobs if my boss has agreed to give me work. I will send him a text tomorrow seeing whats up :/

I'll be moving out of my current place and into a place closer to town tomorrow. I decided to go to my mum's place to stay the night there to work on some photography development but also because I asked my folks to help me move with the aide of their car. I turned on twitch tonight for a little bit of curiosity and got bored of it very soon like 5 minutes. It's amazing what shifts in perspective does to experience of life.

I downloaded some psychedelic radio app to maybe listen to trippy music, I'm into that hippity bibbity bop :) And one day want to make some bloop bloop bloop music ;D 

I need to figure out a recipe to cook this week, I've changed my smaller goal to just one recipe a week as it's more realistic and I need to save money. I imagine what the world would be like if we grew up in a forest environment instead of the clinical separation of city life. I've been doing some affirmations in the morning and they seem to help.

I'm concerned what field I should work in. At the film for change interview last night, the interviewer mentioned that I could learn under other people in areas I'm weak in like Finance or Communications and I think I may do just that. Just today one of the self-development knowledge I came across listening to GaryV was to seek a mentor and commit to learn IIRC so I'll venture that path and see where it takes me. I think the idea I have in my head imagining my dream job needs to be relinquished for the time being to grow rapidly in favor of versatility and flexibility.

I don't know what I'm talking about xD I feel more capable of tackling my challenges though than I have ever been and this is less a matter of technical skill than it is a change in men the level of determination and cultivating a perspective of the bigger picture as well as a good dose of compassion to others and myself.

Spanish WotD: estancia

Gracias por la estancia

Thanks you for the stay

Grateful for: soup, weightless workouts, sunshine, phonecalls and Alan Watts.

Edited by Arch
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Day 88,

I've moved in to my new place now and surrounded by a pile of clothes and personal belongings. My step dad helped me move my things in one load which was good, I thought we would need two trips. I didn't meditate or run today.

I spent an hour sorting through some recent photos I took and developed them and posted them on Flickr.

I made Eggplant Caponata tonight, the local supermarket is a 5 minute walk which is excellent. There is also a Sunday market that occurs every weekend in the wharf which I'm excited about too. IMG_20180609_202243-816x612.jpg.bfed7f9a0f61d395475d37190ea939fe.jpg

The room I'm in has a big double bed that im going to see if I can exchange for a single bed to make more room for perhaps a desk or one of those standup plastic clothes wardrobes. All in all I like it better than my last place, it's warmer and a better kitchen to practice my cooking as well as being 5 minutes to town.

I watched some more Spanish but the pace of the videos has become faster. I haven't been doing the workbook exercises so that is my fault. I will the rewatch the video and do the exercises tommorow.

Spanish WotD: abrir - open

Voy a abrir la puerta

I will open the door.

Grateful for: My step-dad, having options, friendly conversations, GaryV and the supermarket.

I don't think my journal would be complete if I didn't include this song. 

 

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Day 89,

I meditated and ran. I've been having trouble getting momentum in my day and I have picked out why it is. I started eating breakfast before going for a run and would need to wait like 45 minutes digesting before going for my run and this would muddy my focus and momentum in taking action. So tommorow, I'll go back to eating a banana and going for a run afterwards.

I vacuumed the hallway and tried my hand at controlling the ant encroachment happening quitely under our cupboards. I'm trying to keep the kitchen in a nice condition as it is where the food we eat is kept and cooked, respect is deserved.

As I began walking out of my house there was a guy looking through a big dump  container where it looked like someone was moving out and had thrown everything they didn't want out. That guy was treasure hunting and I was curious as to what goods he may be finding. A leather suitcase caught my eye, as well as a beside table so I took them to be put to use in my room. It's actually obsurd how much we waste yet seek to buy new things when perfectly usable items are available to us. The marketing imagery has us so brainwashed honestly...

I walked back to my old place to get some remaining food bits that I had forgotten. I also went to a entheogen Meetup group and met some lovely people and had some enlightening conversations there. I offered to help look for potential future hosting venues for the group. 

I went to my Kizomba class and am still enjoying it, the people are friendly and helpful in guiding me in dancing better. I see that I need to practice the dancing more though as I'm quite rusty. All in due time, for now maintaining my current habits proove difficult enough.

I called my oldest brother again and had another accountability call. We both shared our forward moving efforts in our goals and we both seem to be growing and taking action. It's quite surreal to proove to your family that you are actually capable and that they are witnessing as you are them, each other's seeds of growth. We're like in this together and it feels good reporting in and keeping each other accountable to higher standards than baseline living.

I heard back from my boss and he said that Thursday and Friday are the best days for work this week. I'm excited for this and greatly pleased to hear this :D

Spanish WotD: agradecida - grateful

Estoy agradecida por mi vida y mis amigos.

I am grateful for my life and my friends.

 

Edited by Arch
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Day 90,

So today I reverted back to banana then run and low and behold I had a better day. I'm aiming to run a little more everyday and eventually be able to run around most of the bay and back. It's a real beautiful run, running next to the gentle yet fierce ocean setting the tone of the world with its motion.

Most of today, I mainly spent tidying up my room and tried to adhere as closely as I could to my positive habits. It's weird, I used to think this depression thing I had was who I was but now I can actually see myself building and taking action to forge my own path - it's very empowering and I have more glimmers of benevolence for life than I ever have. Even a small joke that I remember and laugh about is powerful in it's small way to build my momentum of positivity towards life.

I managed to practice a decent amount of Spanish which was brought about by going to the local net cafe and printing out a workbook related to testing the lessons teachings. It was quite creepy actually going back to this environment, I would hear this robotic-like chatter - "we burnt all our mana on him", "our composition just didn't make sense", I mean these sentences just sounded familiar but bizarre. I could feel the hopelessness in the air, where the same people I had met were still there going through the motions - smoking weed, buyimg energy drinks and takeaway foods to sit down for the next few hours and dupe themselves into a false sense of accomplishment.

It was just sad really, I was crying for them. They are enjoying it but not really, no one chooses to be addicted my oldest brother said the other day. I paused when I heard him say this and almost tried to convince myself that it is a choice, but he is right. Thing is we need to go through hardships to contrast life so that we can appreciate the good.

I made a Soup with lentils, celery, carrots and butternut squash. It was very easy to make and cheap as well as being filling and tasty. IMG_20180611_192036-816x612.jpg.12cd123e2cd1fdf96ce1736639fd93ba.jpg

I offered a bowl full to one of my housemates and he gladly accepted and enjoyed it :D He just came back from work and already he had some delicious food waiting for him, I thought of how he I would feel if I was him and made sure he was welcomed.

I went to Kizomba and one of the girls reminded me to focus on the best instead of doing steps so I will take this to heart moving on. I appreciate people's feedback as it is honest and I would like to give others the best possible dancing experience haha.

Since this is my 90th day, my oldest brother asked me what I'm going to do to celebrate. I mentioned that I would like to go see The Avengers and maybe eat some gelato to celebrate. I love ice cream but avoid it at all costs because I'm an addictive person and will end up eating the whole container quickly. For tomorrow however, I will excuse myself as it's important to celebrate our successes as a reference point for the reward of my commitment to this journey.

I won't stop posting now that I've reached day 90. This accountability process is actually too valuable to not do. There's got to be a healthy amount of pressure if I am to put more effort than just base survival, our bodies are designed like that and the primal instinct to reserve energy doesn't aide in achieving the big goals we want.

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After dancing for a little over an hour, I saw that it was 9:45 and that my bedtime was fast approaching. On my way out I met a guy and played pool with him, he said he had a degree in dentistry and was now finishing his medical degree. He asked me if I had a girlfriend as I he had previously talked about his new girlfriend. I responded by saying no, I'm working on myself before I want to go into a relationship. He agreed with this and we continued to talk about self help books. I'm glad I stopped by instead of being tunnel vision minded and focused on going back home. I would've missed this opportunity to get to know about this hard working guy. He gave me his Facebook and I'm happy to make a new friend :)

Spanish WotD: idioma - Language

Quiero aprender el idioma Español

I want to learn the Spanish language.

Grateful for: vegetable soups, other language learners, dancing with gorgeous people, my smartphone which has aided me greatly with my goals and breathing.

A beautiful song that popped into my head today that has enraptured the feeling of my journey:

 

Edited by Arch
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Congrats on 90 days. So many little things you did today that will turn into big results down the road - bringing value to your roommate, having a more meaningful interaction with the guy at the bar, practicing Spanish, tidying up your room. Really proud of you. :) 

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C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S

Glad you made it!

Two fast things before I need to run very quickly because the university canteen is going to close and I won’t have dinner

1 Nobody choses to be an addict. So true. But: people MUST CHOSE to STOP being addicted. The problem with addiction is that it works only one way. Congrats for CHOSING to stop.

2 Stopping by instead of being tunnelvisioned and going back home. I really admire you for this because this is probably the main problem I have right now. I am - or I think I am - so busy that I never spend time with people. Happy for you because you didn’t lose that chance.

I’m out, congrats again & take care

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Day 91, 

I think one of these days I will do a video about the things I learnt in being effective for quitting gaming. 

I ran in the rain this morning, at first hesitating to go out avoiding the discomfort but reminded myself that I've been here before and mindlessly put on my running shirt.

I cleaned more of my room, 80% done but got distracted alot by Instagram posts. I washed more of my clothes and went out to print another chapter's workbook pages.

I watched The Avengers and boy was that overhyped. I'm quite biased because I have an acquired taste for more meaningful films that move us emotionally or have stories with solid character development. Avengers had great CG but I'm beyond the point where that is enough for a satisfying movie. It seemed like they were just setting up the trilogy to milk the movies... Marvel have done character development well in other movies like Deadpool but Avengers was quite shallow by comparison. It also maybe the shift zive taken as a person that has affected my experience, whereby I'm after more real things in life, than mere titillation of the senses that CG movies offer. I had some Hazelnut gelato which was very nice :)

I went to a gathering of trampers where a guy was giving a presentation of going around Mt Everest in Nepal. I took some notes and wanted to keep this information in my vault for later use. 

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I went out to Mundo Lingo and it had fun there. I met a guy I had previously met at last week's Mundo Lingo. We seem to be building a friendship, he's pretty positive and goes out regularly. By the end of the night he confessed he was gay of which I had a sense of feeling. Gay guys are fun to chill with, they aren't out to game girls and stuff which took alot of pressure out of me. Even though I don't intentionally want to have a sexual relationship, I do have the desire at the back of my head quietly. I did meet a lovely girl from Japan learning English and we exchanged Facebook requests. Hoping to maybe see more of her :)

Español del día: 

Quiero a hacer amigos

I want to make friends

Grateful for: light hearted conversations, rain, gloves, friends and food.

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Edited by Arch
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Day 93, 

I ran at 5AM today woah that was a game changer. There's something special about committing sleeping early to start the next day with a spring in your step. I ran part people and said good morning extra enthusiastically haha but my energy was positive so I don't think I was freaking anyone out lol. It's cool though I respect myself for saying good morning to strangers because it's such.... Suuuuuuch a normal thing to just avoid interacting with each other which can determine the momentum of energy running through your day. Others though rightfully avoid distractions like other runners, this one person looked like she was setting person best records as she glanced at her watch.

I went to do painting prep work today, it went pretty well. I'm doing like work experience, day 2 tomorrow. 

The train at 6AM was completely empty which helped me meditate in peace. God meditation is so key, its like breathing, in it's nourishment to the spirit.

I came back home and found myself procrastinating endlessly. I had a mundo lingo or photography practice to do but I did neither. My rooms still a mess in comparison to how clean and organized I had my previous place. I'm going to look for some plastic drawers or something to house my clothes as they are just in a pile with no place to go. I'm being perfectionist again. My last goal on my vision board is to let go of perfectionism but ATM I'm trying to focus on work and socializing. Perfectionism is probably the most important goal as it influences through all my thoughts and actions and runs me awry.

I do have a strategy to tackle perfectionism but I feel a little overwhelmed atm with moving, working, socializing, social anxiety course and reading Dale Carnegie. I also lost my phone yesterday but lucky have a backup phone.

Espanol del diá: comprar

Quiero comprar un teléfono

I want to buy a phone

I'm gonna end the post with this Gary V video. This guy is a legend, there will definitely thousands at this guy's funeral ✌

 

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Day 94,

I woke up at 5AM, I really like having work to wake up to, it puts a healthy amount of stress that forces me to time manage. So I was like I have 50 minutes to leave - 20 minutes to run, 10 minutes to eat oatmeal, 4 minutes for shower, etc. Felt like an exciting race. 

I'm only planning to do 2 days each week so I understand that I haven't felt the pressure yet. I want to start working on offering my services for photography as I think I have developed an adequate level. I will start off for free to simply do it to get better and to meet people. Once I think I'm good enough I'll consider charging.

I went out to the beginning celebration of Matariki, the Maori new year and took some photos. I only managed to develop one tonight but look to finish up more tomorrow.

Grateful for: free community events, dancing kids, 5AM wake up, water and my phone.

Espanol del diá: exercise - ejercicio

es un ejercicio divertido practicando la fotografía

It's a fun exercise practicing photography

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Day 95,

I woke up late this morning because I spent too long talking with my older brother last night. We had a nice talk but I need to keep track of time for time management. Meditated and ran, a bit further this time. 

I checked out two thrift stores in the city and then another two in the previous suburb I was living. I found what I was looking for - a small shelf to store some of my clothes in. I'm also giving away another bag of clothes to the delivery guys which will be exchanged for the shipping fee :) It costed $20. I also bought 3 books related to Spanish learning - a dictionary, The Jungle book in Spanish and a high school workbook for Spanish. Each of these books were 50 cents!

I messaged film for change and asked them to invite me to their closed community website which facilitates their projects and such and received the invitation. It's cool now, I'm more open to small talk in general. Girls are still a challenge but I'm sure I'll prevail there in time. 

I edited more photos from last night's Matariki.

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Grateful for: secondhand shops, running, photo editing software, food and warm clothes.

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Day 96, 

I didn't exercise or meditate today, I'm still not sure if its a good thing for me or not. After listening to Gary V so much lately, I'm leaning towards that its not but Gary's not a useful reference point for me to compare myself to. I'll raise it to everyday when I'm ready.

I'm going to reschedule my Spanish learning from the late afternoon/evening to the mornings. Since it's one of the more important short term goals I want to achieve, I feel it deserves more attention where my mornings are able to give more.

I talked to my oldest brother for accountability and he seemed to have a good week now that he is over his sickness. He helped remind me of where I was and where I'm now which lifted me up for the rest of the day ever-so-slighty; the power of positivity is truly magic. It can make a bad day an OK day, an OK day a good day, a good day into a great day or a great day into an amazing day.

I came back to the city with all the food my mum gave me and noticed she baked a small cake and hid it in there. I didn't want to eat this cake so offered it to my house mates. They all seemed pretty chuffed and happy to eat something delicious on this Sunday night. Its nice to see how a communal sharing brightens peoples attitudes. Most of us are just in our rooms doing our own little things so rarely do several of us occupy the same space and see each other in peaceful, eye-to-eye terms, not that they're aggressive or anything just that the agenda changes from simply going to the kitchen to get food to "Oh look! We can be like a little bit of a family that can talk and share for the benefit of each other"

Grateful for: mum's soup, my preservation, Sunday Accountability, my phone and paper notebook.

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Congrats on the 90 days mate! Apologies I am a bit late to the party - hopefully you are feeling great!

How is the Spanish going? Are you quite fluent by now? I have tried to pick it up several times in the past, so if you want to practice with a study partner I am keen!

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Day 97,

Today was pretty unproductive but had a valuable lesson.

It started with me wanting to watch the football game between Germany vs México waking up at 3AM. At first, I was able to watch it for 10 minutes but then my wifi connection died out, luckily I witnessed the only goal in the game. So I decided to walk to town to go to a bar where they will show it. I arrived there and they said they don't let people in after half-time due to their license rules, fucking lol! 

I went back home at 4AM. I had eaten as I woke up previously so wanted to digest food a bit before running. I figured I should go for a nap to get more energy for the rest of the day as I had the Kizomba dance to go to tonight. I stayed awake till 6AM then decided to take an hour nap but woke up at 8.30AM. I felt like I screwed my morning up and this had a cascading effect on the rest of my day. The ideal me would probably be able to brush this off and carry on with the day but I am not there yet. I have a great sense of pride for my mornings and felt abit defeated to being able to complete it within the time constraints/deadlines.

Yesterday, I had also been asked by my step-brother to do an activity with him. He said "I thought you would call me" after having made plans to meet me as if asking my permission and came at least an hour late. This was my fault though I accept it, that I put my priorities aside for the emotional influence of past-time friendships. He is actually a good hearted guy but he's gone a different track than I want to go - one of being organized, on to it etc whereas he likes drinking, having fun, etc. 

So these two events have reminded me that sticking to my goals and not being swayed by emotions is of utmost importance to success. I keep thinking maybe there is a middle ground, that I may be approaching this black-n-white, that I can have my step-brother in the life I'm moving towards. But I think the answer is no - I am the average of the 5 closest people around me. 

I received the small clothing shelf and organized my pile of clothes finally and have some walking space and my chair to meditate on under my vision board. So I'm hoping to have a more clear day tomorrow.

My Italian flatmate came down to try to fix the dryer that recently broke, we talked about some situations in our house. Some incident that happened last night were a flatmate got his food stolen and got angry and aggressive upstairs. We thought we should have a flat meeting on Sunday and relayed this to our property manager. We plan to discuss things like room-food arrangement cupboards and maybe the house rules of cleaning dishes after ourselves. I do my own but the other's regularly don't. I've realised several if them are gamers and then it clicked :/ That's exactly what I used to do, eat next to where I was playing and keep plates and cutlery in my room. Its fucked I really need to celebrate how far I've come but the perfectionist side of me thinks I need to save it for the future, the big event when I'll actually need it lol.

A nice quote I read today, "The more you celebrate life, the more there is in life to celebrate" - Oprah Winfrey

I went to the Op shop again and bought 7 forks and 7 spoons to fill our cutlery tray as there is hardly any in there. When I came into the house, I mentioned that I bought these for us. I was immediately told by flatmate 1 that I should keep them to myself because people will keep them in their rooms. "Maaan!" I sighed in my head, thinking "can't we just be a healthy working family?" ? Soon after I did take them out of the drawer. The thing is I know how this cycle goes... People don't want to share > people's interactions become resentful toward one another and can even be passive aggressive > stealing food and so on just because everyone wants to play their own game.

The other option is to keep all my shit in safe places, put locks on my cupboards, constantly lock my room... I want to grow up, I thought I was done with this childish shit. Anyways maybe on Sunday we can come to healthy, working agreements. Maybe, its just not the right environment but I'd like to think I can lead a little by taking some initiative on making the kitchen area a good place to be. This all stems from people accepting their mediocrities as mentioned in The Miracle Morning and probably a large dose because a few of them game.

I chose not to go to my Kizomba social. I'm not so sure if I want to do it anymore. Its not that I don't find it fun but it's that I think I need to really solidify my habits and be able to focus for long periofs before I can commit to multiple things.

My goals are to monetize my Photography skills/make money, learn to focus/build discipline, become a more people friendly person, Learn Spanish and let go of perfectionism.

Kizomba relates to becoming social but also costs $15 a week which over the 8 week term is over $100. I think my disinclination towards Kizomba stems from the previous two days of sloppy disorganization and perfectionism in that I missed one teaching class yesterday and a social tonight thinking that it's over. I'll aim to make next weeks sessions depending if my claims to goals is correct and whether if I should actually consider cutting it out. In the meantime I plan to go to Tuesday and Thursday Mundo Lingo to make up for my missed Kizomba sessions.

Perfectionism is killing me, this is actually the #1 goal, it strangles all enjoyment or semblance of progress.

TL;DR: Get your morning straight or its gonna be a rough day.

Edited by Arch
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I don't think those World Cup issues are isolated to you, there is an uproar over here from people not being able to watch it through the rights holder as their connection has consistently dropped out. I think they said there has not been a game yet without some kind of issue. If you've paid for it I would chase a refund!

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13 hours ago, giblets said:

I don't think those World Cup issues are isolated to you, there is an uproar over here from people not being able to watch it through the rights holder as their connection has consistently dropped out. I think they said there has not been a game yet without some kind of issue. If you've paid for it I would chase a refund!

The Internet connection is due to my phone having weak attenas / signals. I don't think I'm going to stay up for any more games, maybe the finals and the rest watching highlights. Its just too detrimental to my sleep schedule.

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Day 99,

Another good day. I managed to follow my miracle morning relatively closely and have moved my wake up time to 5AM beginning the hard mode ;D its soo good, I think I only got like 6 hours sleep but all the excitement and preparation allowed me to power through with success.

I practiced Spanish in the morning which seems to be the best time to learn for me after running and eating and reading Dale Carnegie. 

I went to the library and spent an hour at first writing to @giblets about practicing Spanish together and later looking through potential websites to print my photos out for a small community art exhibition. I thought why the hell not, I may even meet some people who may want someone to shoot some pictures for them as well as giving me something to do on the weekend. I read previously at the bottom of the notice that the organizer could help out artists with financial difficulty and wrote him an email saying I would be willing to meet halfway on the costs of printing to fill his space. I suspect there may not be too much thoroughfare and so he obliged or he's just a nice guy. I ordered 12 photos and paid $19 for them including shipping, next time I'll look to print them locally.

I went back to my old suburb where I used to live to visit a space where we could meet for our spirituality meetings and I think I found a good spot. The sun was warming the space so generously and would suit to lively discussions.

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I walked back to the city and bought some safety glasses for work tomorrow. I figured the glasses are a bargain for $5 if they can protect my valuable eyes worth each half a million or whatever they're worth and they are. 

I went to mum's and had a pretty good time. I helped them with their email to travel to Vietnam and had a quick look at business cards. I talked to my twin brother who is planning to travel overseas, we've began proposing plans on how to have a workflow to edit his footage whilst he is overseas using cloud storage. God we are in unbelievable times, if you don't think just look at your phone and think how you were doing this without it 10 years ago.

I 'broke up' with my step brother in that I told him I dont want him to call me and ask to do things with me. I think that we are on different paths than each other and don't want to meddle myself in his path. Back 5 or 10 years ago he was my best friend bit I feel he doesn't value growth like I do and has lazy habits about him. I'm simply done with being disorganized and incompetent in achieving big goals and he seems to be contempt with drifting. Going by the isea that you are the average of the 5 closest people around you, I choose not to be around short-term minded people that ignore the consequences of their actions and expect it to solve itself. Anyways, I'm glad to be putting my food down and set my boundaries as it is important to building character.

Grateful for: Miracle Morning, smartphones, wholegrain oatmeal in the morning, mum's soup and laughter at small things.

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Day 100,

I had a great day yesterday but enjoyed my time at Mundo Lingo and stayed too late and opted for sleep instead of journalling.

Grateful for: gay friend whom brings positivity in my life, 5 AM wake up, mum's soup, City of Wellington, my body that can adapt to so much.

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Day 101,

Meditated, ran and had a good morning. Went to work and actually got to do some painting, I watched this video where a painter said he didnt get to touch a paintbrush for 6 months, so was pleasantly suprised. 

I listened to a podcast about overcoming perfectionism. Things I recall from it where there are three states. Stop, Start and Motion. Whenever you are in motion good things happen, you are growing. We do need to Stop sometimes but we must always start and not be paralysed from starting because its not 'the right time'. On the podcast he days he aims for 80% of his goal because it is a perspective thst allows us to start whereas aiming for 100% breeds discontent and resentment that it 'wasnt good enough'. Heres the link: Dis-ease of pefectionism https://castbox.fm/vb/73555282. Give it a listen.

I have identified that this is actually a super goal I need to worok on to schieve the rest of my gosls of careers and relationips. Like with Painting work im usually a bit fussy coming back from a background of using lenses, being a conputer geek, xompetitive mobs plsyer, etc and I cant be fussy ro do this work. So it is a great teacher for me to become quicker and not hesitsting in acting obviously with exceptions.

I went out and bought a Skinny mobile sim card because they apparently have free wifi hotspots around the city that you csn use if you are on their plans, I thought this would be useful to use when out and about the city shooting for Instagram. It turned out that you have to be on their monthly plsns and not just pre-paid. Shady company lol, I chose it so I accept it.

I went out and shit some photos of colourful lights/reflections spent like 2 hours. I didnt dhiit much yesterfay so wanted to make up for it. I need to shoot again tomorrow to meet my goal of shooting 3 days a week.

My prints arrived and they look good and I'll put then on display at a small community art expo tomorrow night

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Grateful for: Printacular for shipping my photos overnight, funny workmates, water to keep hydrated and focused, smoked Kingfish to eat and Winter. I used to hate winter and feared it immensely as I would become severly depressed now I welcome the cold bite of the air as a challenge. Tbh if you have things to do and move around in winter you dont feel it much.

S.A.D.B.O.Y.S

 

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