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My VGRM 90 day detox


marcopolobus
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On 3/19/2018 at 5:00 PM, marcopolobus said:

Day #25

Grateful for:

skyping my sister and catching up

VGRM report:

was really tempted to re download league of legends but I thought of how commmitted i was when I started this journey,  and I didn't want to let myself down 

Where are your feelings to download league coming from?

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I only feel tempted to download the game again when I am watching some gameplay,  like a tournament. Like Workinprogress said though, I did start this journey as video games AND related media, and my success rate with the media had become like 50% now.

I guess since I'm not spending as much time thinking about the game as I used to, I don't feel the same sense of urgency to resist the YouTube. I think I'm really bad at connecting to my past and future self and so the strong emotions and commitment I had a few weeks ago doesn't feel as real now. I don't know what to do about that though.. I just live so immediately and hedonistically that my past and future seem irrelevant sometimes 

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@WorkInProgress thanks for the reality check, sometimes I really feel alone in this when all my friends are high achieving academics and I'm struggling with this shit. I'm gonna go for a walk with an audiobook now, been listening to Best Served Cold by Joe Abercrombie.

@thehondasc00py dude that's a killer list thank you, gonna be my prime anime reference until I get through those 

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Day #27

Grateful for:

a successful first yoga session with the school club, man I missed it so much these past weeks

VGRM report:

still watching LoL Vods but not during the middle of the day as much, more like as an evening veg

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Day #31

Grateful for:

Stepping outside my comfort zone and hanging out with a large group of new people, man I was smiling all the way home

VGRM report:

I played LoL today... So that was 31 days without playing video games, but often watching gameplay. I'm pretty sure I still believe that not playing video games is way better, so I'm going to uninstall again and pick up where I left off.

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You know you're never gonna stop wanting to play LoL until you cut out everything related to it and it finally ebbs out of your life completely. Trying to quit LoL but watching the tournaments is like being an alcoholic and going to wine tastings.

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Great analogy haha. Yeah...I think I knew that but didn't accept it. I was justifying it by saying it's like watching the NHL or some other sports league. I'm just a fan! But then obviously watching gameplay triggers conscious or subconscious feelings of desire to play, so yeah it's a problem..

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Things get a little more complicated when the button you press to watch the game is the same button you can press to play the game lol...a game that happens to grant instant fun, distraction, competition and reward from the comfort of your computer chair. You see others playing it and enjoying themselves, so of course you want to play it as well. And you don't have to find others, move to the hockey court and start sweating to do so! Infact, you don't even have to get up.

 

 

Edited by thehondasc00py
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  • 2 weeks later...

Day #40

Grateful for: 

still having some kind of paid work, even for an hour today.

VGRM report:

Evidently I've fallen off the game quitting train and haven't posted in 9 days.... Ended up making a new account and reinstalling league. I've been smoking sooo much weed these days and with no schoolwork I'm pretty much the definition of sloth. 

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Recap what you learned about yourself, figure out what you'll do differently this time, and start again :)

Check out the StopGaming subreddit if you need motivation and perspective. Hundreds of LoL cases on there.

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Day #42

Grateful for:

someone still commenting on my journal 42 days later

VGRM report:

uninstalled league again and deleted my account. Thankfully it was only two weeks relapse this time playing, which is my shortest yet. I am confident I can resist installing again. 

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Day #44 (2)

Grateful for:

Demonstrating interest in something other than video games: my guitar

VGRM report:

The number in brackets by the day (2) shows continuous days without VGRM up till the time of the post. I wanted to show that number as well as the number of days since I started posting in the journal so that when I get to 90, I can reflect and evaluate the success of the journey. Even now it's possible for me to be 50% successful!

Edited by marcopolobus
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I'm 99% sure I relapsed because I was really only doing half measures by still watching league streams, which was constantly eliciting urges to play the game. So just back to none of that and I'll see if anything else comes up. Thanks @Dannigan

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Day #46 (4)

Grateful for:

The habitbull app. I meditated today for 10 minutes even though it was 9pm, just so i could keep my streak going.

VGRM report:

No desires for league today. Feels very nice

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Day #47 (5)

Grateful for:

Getting out of my house to work alongside a friend

VGRM report:

League didn't even cross my mind today. I was so caught up in doing real things. It felt great.

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Day #53 (1)

Grateful for:

not giving up

VGRM report:

so I played pokemon randomly last night for an hour... I only had a gameboy in my room because my friend was moving and I thought I could sell it. There goes 10 days of no video games, but at least it wasn't League related. Back to 1...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Day #67 (15)

Grateful for:

Doing everything I wanted to after finishing work

VGRM report:

Haven't had any strong urges to play video games, and have started developing a habit of casting my mind around for alternatives to video gameplay on YouTube.

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Day #75 (23)

Grateful for:

working on my budget, and completing my daily habits

VGRM report:

Felt kinda miserable today because I had a sore throat all night, and I think I'm coming down with a minor cold. Was tempted to watch some LoL gameplay to feel better, but I reminded myself that would ultimately make me feel worse about myself. I'm on a good streak now of no VGRM. It doesn't feel that challenging anymore!

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Day #80 (28)

Grateful for:

Finaaaaally seeing Infinity War!!

VGRM report:

No problems at all with VGRM right now. Most of my attention is focussed on work and habit building, particularly meditation. I'm on a 40 streak, and I look forward to the moment of calm setting the tone for my morning.

Edited by marcopolobus
Updated streak amount
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