My VGRM 90 day detox

[marcopolobus]

Day #1

 

Hello game-quitters and life-partakers,

This is the start of my Video Game and Related Media (VGRM) 90 day detox. Through the rescue-time app, I've become aware that my consumption of video game related media (YouTube mainly) surpasses the playing of games themselves. From experience, I know that watching gameplay usually leads to playing, so I'm setting myself the additional restriction of no video game related media during the detox to increase my chances of success.

I'm making the promise (you all are my witnesses) to post in my daily journal every day for the next 90 days, and to be completely honest if I relapse. However I am also promising, as a fallible human being, that if I miss a day or relapse, I will be compassionate towards myself and continue where I left off. All or nothing mentality has no place here. 

The content of this journal will be variable, but I will always begin with one thing I am grateful for and a report on my success or failure to abstain from VGRM that day.

Here goes...

 

Today I am grateful:

For having a father who is willing to go outside his comfort zone and discuss issues like addiction with his son.

VGRM report:

Passed with flying colours today, no desire to partake whatsoever. Probably mostly from that new journey surge of motivation, but hey I'll take it. I know tougher times are ahead but I gotta take my wins where I can, and appreciate them.

To show myself that I am committed to this goal, I uninstalled every game off my laptop, and started the administrative process to delete my accounts. This wasn't a decision I made lightly, but I realized I couldn't do half measures here. If I keep my accounts, I'm telling myself that there will come a time in my future where I will be in control of my video game consumption and want to continue playing. I'm saying that I won't be able to find healthier alternatives to video games that satisfy the same needs. Finding healthier alternatives is exactly what we're all trying to do here, so to hold on to my accounts is to already place seeds of doubt in my mind. I am committed and I am confident (coming from a day of low stress, it isn't too hard to be confident about quitting, but I have this community to bolster my defenses when I'm struggling).

[Cam Adair]

Good job starting your journal. I will be following along. :)

[marcopolobus]

Day #2

Today I am grateful:

For a bright, clear day cross-country skiing in the Rockies.

VGRM report:

Stayed away from video games and related youtube videos today. Wasn’t too hard since I was out of the house most of the day though. Probably a sign that I should strive to get myself out of the house more when reading week is over. Just being alone in my room is a large trigger for me.

@Cam Adair It was your youtube videos that gave me the extra push to start this journey man, thank you. Also reppin’ Calgary ;)

 

 

 

[Cam Adair]

Calgary in the house!

[marcopolobus]

Day #3

 

Today I am grateful for:

Wi-Fi

VGRM Report:

Still good but today was a struggle for sure, after seeing the amount of work I need to do to catch up in the next few days... I'm going to aim for a short run tomorrow, destroy my knees for health 

[marcopolobus]

Day #4

Today I am grateful for: 

Having a wild, old growth forest nearby to escape (the good kind) from the city.

VGRM Report:

Only able to do 4 hours of work today, instead of the 8 I had hoped. Still positive about it though because I had no trouble not playing video games or watching them on youtube. Just gotta start building up that consistency.

 

 

[Cam Adair]

Good job. Keep it up! 

[marcopolobus]

Day #6

Grateful for:

second chances, and third chances, and fourth and fifth...

VGRM report:

Watched some LoL gameplay today, just wanted to feel better but it made me feel way way worse. Somehow today was just a disaster in terms of my progress the last 5 days. I had like a mental block stopping me from working toward my goals. I think the bedtime is part of it. I was doing best when it was lights and electronics off by 10:30. So I'll aim for that tonight and approach tomorrow like I wanted to approach today.

[Cam Adair]

What is an alternative way to help you feel better next time instead of going to gameplays?

[marcopolobus]

I had already skipped class at that point, so I wasn't thinking rationally. I was basically craving dopamine or something and trying all I could to avoid thinking about my responsibilities. So while tackling my homework and not throwing the rest of my day away would have been the "right" thing to do, I can't shift my mindset that easily and I probably would have been to anxious to work.

Instead, I think 20-30 minutes of exercise would have worked. I enjoy exercise enough that I could probably find the motivation to do it even when anxious and craving avoidance, because it is a sort of escapism. The difference between exercise vs video games would be that I would have more energy after exercising and probably feel fresher and clearer headed if I exercised outside. I'm going to buy a jump rope so that I can alternate between that and jogging, especially if the weather is really bad.

[marcopolobus]

Day #7

Grateful for:

a friend who calls me when I say I'm feeling low

VGRM report:

though the skies were grey today, my video game history for the day was clear. Faltered yesterday but not letting hiccups keep me from breathing deep.

 

 

[marcopolobus]

Day #8

Grateful for: 

being able to help others overcome challenges I once dealt with (and some I'm still working on).

VGRM report: 

no video games today, too busy! maybe being busy isn't so bad after all, except I'm going to bed at 12:30am and I won't get enough sleep before my 9am class... oh well

 

 

[marcopolobus]

Day #9

Grateful for: 

being able to complete an assignment, even if it's not my best work.

VGRM report: 

Still going strong with no video games or related media. I was tempted today as its what I would have usually done to relax after a week of school, but I was really stressed out about my weekend workload and ended up going for a run. This helped me to reduce my craving.

Edited March 3, 2018 by marcopolobus

[marcopolobus]

Day #11

Grateful for:

friends taking time out of their lives and schedules to hang out with me

VGRM report:

Still no temptations to play or watch video games since Tuesday last week. Replaced my youtube gameplay watching with some TV: I've watched Samurai Champloo (weird but great) and in the middle of One Outs (great but weird), both anime. I did have a dream I was playing League of Legends though... thankfully I didn't wake up with an urge to play.

[marcopolobus]

Day #15

Grateful for: 

having the insane privelege of withdrawing from courses without a fail, like what is this system

VGRM report:

been watching some League on youtube past few days, just so bored and looking for escapism

[marcopolobus]

Day #17

Grateful for: 

playing chess with my landlady

VGRM report:

still watching league tournament games, but haven't played anything. Had a good time smoking weed with my roommate who's from India, super funny guy.

[marcopolobus]

Day #19

Grateful for:

sending one job application

VGRM report:

we're back on track with no league gameplay videos today... its such a bizarre aspect of my (dwindling) fixation

[marcopolobus]

Day #20

Grateful for:

Making sure to write in the journal today, even though I didn't accomplish much else

VGRM report:

Held off on LoL videos until the evening when I got stoned and watched a quite thrilling tournament match. Thats an X for today, but I think I can resist tomorrow.

[marcopolobus]

Day #21

Grateful for:

getting every item on my todo list done today, it wasn't a long list but it still means something

VGRM report:

I'm just not feeling the negative impact of watching video game youtube videos right now, so that's why I keep doing it. Still haven't played any games yet, nor reinstalled LoL so thats the main thing

[thehondasc00py]

Samurai Champloo and One Outs are sick. You have good taste (Journey too)

[marcopolobus]

Thanks @thehondasc00py! You must have some good recommendations for anime if you like the same shows, any suggestions?

Edited March 15, 2018 by marcopolobus

[marcopolobus]

Day #22

Grateful for:

the power of technology helping us to overcome our bad habits

VGRM report:

no games or gameplay videos today! I have some books out of the library now, as well as a TV show I'm watching to distract me instead of video games. I also downloaded HabitBull to add more data analysis capabilities to my habits

[marcopolobus]

Day #25

Grateful for:

skyping my sister and catching up

VGRM report:

was really tempted to re download league of legends but I thought of how commmitted i was when I started this journey,  and I didn't want to let myself down 

[thehondasc00py]

@marcopolobus Ok just dont binge em all at once :D

• all the Miyazaki movies (beautiful and spiritual, uplifting)
• fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (just really really good but also longish)
• kill la kill (super funny and stylish)
• gurrenn lagann (same)
• avatar: the last airbender (maybe favorite show ever, similar to samurai champloo in the sense of group of friends travelling the world)
• death note (genius protagonist(s) like One Outs)
• mushishi (really spiritual and beautiful)

that's pretty much the creme de la creme for me

[WorkInProgress]

Hey stopping lol was a big step at becomeing gamefree for me. This shitty game brought me down pretty hard (I also bingewatched youtube a ton). I would really advice you to find other activities to give you dopmaine instead of youtube in general. It is hard to let that that part of your life go but it is necessary if you wan't to start new and move oyur life in a positive direction. Old habit don't die fast thouhg. If you are avoiding hard things or feeling down it will come naturally to you just to open your browser and loooking at them. Afterwards you usually feel bad or even get cravings to reinstall that black hole again. Don't do it. Don't rely on yourself to ahve willpower in this moment.

Find another thing you enjoy and do it instead. It doesn't even have to be a "good" habit. It can be a less bad one like watching anime or reading fiction. For me personally audiobooks and walks are a great way to deal with bad feelings but do what floats your boat. Just don't lie to yourself and don't break your commitment. You did this in the past. remember you called this detox VGRM. don't just overlook this day over day. This will make you feel like shit otherwise.