FreetheG Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 A synopsis of my addiction,I'm in day two of my detox, but I figured I should embrace everything this site and community has to offer. My introduction covered a bit of my addiction, but I want a full log of the history with my addiction. I have used TV, online videos, and games to escape from my reality and the stresses of life and began developing my addictive behavioral patterns since I was about 8 years old.I didn't realize I had a problem until my sophomore year of COLLEGE. Before I recognized my gaming/video addiction, I had to peel back layers of other addictions. I started smoking cannabis when I was 18 and I added tobacco to that when I smoked. In my sophomore year, I joined a group on campus for substance abuse and I focused on my cannabis and tobacco use. As I began sobering up from smoking, I thought getting high every day was influencing how much I played games and watched videos. It did, but only by clouding my judgement and making me feel more OK with sitting and watching videos and playing games. When I was able to finally clear myself of the influence of cannabis and tobacco I realized that my core addiction was videos and games, and I began the journey of analyzing myself and my life. *disclaimer: I am not against cannabis, but how I react to it can exacerbate my game/video addiction and makes it more difficult for me to stop once I started. I stayed with the group even though I was in control of my substance abuse problem, and used it as a platform to talk about my game/video addiction. It was difficult though, because I felt like my process of addiction was different to that of substance abuse. I thought I could limit my addiction and only watching/playing a few hours a day, but I always had difficulty stopping once I started.My Junior year was a productive year in terms of understanding myself and my addiction. I joined a Mindfulness class and after completing the course I felt so at peace and without any desire to watch videos or play games. Unfortunately keeping up with the mindfulness practice was more difficult than I anticipated and I relapsed a few weeks later. Continuing to work on myself and freeing myself from my addiction I learned that there were behaviors that gave me a leg to stand on when fighting my addiction.WHAT WORKS: Exercise (running, yoga, basketball), get enough sleep (and don't look at a screen before bed even for emails or work), eating healthy (plant-based diet with fresh fruits/veggies), drinking water, meditation/mindfulness, journaling, staying connected with friends that have a positive influence on my life, go outside, be grateful, be honest and forgiving with myself (doesn't mean addictive behavior is OK), take breaks while working to relax even if its just for a minute or two.WHAT DOESN'T WORK: Isolating yourself, being self deprecating. BUT, knowing what works doesn't mean that you're automatically sober, there is still a fight to win.My longest legitimate sobriety was over 2 months (without any cheats), and I have been in a cycle of sobriety and relapse for almost 2 years. I have talked with psychologists and counselors without having a breakthrough like I did when I made it 2 months. I know that I made it that far because I was doing WHAT WORKS, and being ever-vigilant when it came to being close to a computer,TV, or phone screen. I feel like I eventually felt worn down and just had one bad day, it can be as simple as that. I didn't have a support group that understands what I'm going through like Game Quitters to turn to, so I feel hopeful about this 90 day detox challenge. This is it!
Cam Adair Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Good job starting your journal. I will be following along.
zeke365 Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 nice journal and I do know what like to limit video games and it works for a little bit but ultimately does not fix the problem it more like putting bandage on it without giving it proper treatment. I m with you on this journey I m only on day 2 of the detox though I started on September 1.
BigPete247 Posted September 6, 2017 Posted September 6, 2017 Awesome journal, welcome to the forums, FreetheG. All that will change overtime, the less you game the more you will know about yourself. take it from these guys^^^
FreetheG Posted September 7, 2017 Author Posted September 7, 2017 Day # 3Gratitude journal: I am grateful for the people on here sharing their stories because it's good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this addictionOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: downloaded a pomodoro timerWorkout/run: Morning yogaWeekly Goal(s): score a job interviewMonthly Goal: find a new place to live3 Month Goal: finish the 90 day detox and be ready to take the MCATWhat went well today: I had multiple cravings throughout the day, but went to Gamequitters.com instead to read posts and listen to the podcast.What I could have done to make my day better: takes more breaks and walk outside to get fresh airWhat I will do differently tomorrow: get out of bed earlier instead of reading the news and visualize a successful day
imquitgaming Posted September 7, 2017 Posted September 7, 2017 Hey man congrats! Keep it up! You're gonna kill the MCAT!
FreetheG Posted September 8, 2017 Author Posted September 8, 2017 Day # 4Gratitude journal: I am grateful for rain, which we needed in the north west because of all the forest fires.One amazing thing that happened/I did today: went for a walk instead of relapsingWhat went well today: I had multiple cravings throughout the day, but went to Gamequitters.com instead, I needed to watch the "I about to relapse video"What I could have done to make my day better: given myself rewards after working a long time.What I will do differently tomorrow: Make MCAT studying a priorityEach day so far has been progressively more difficult. I know I should feel accomplished for what I got done today, but I still feel like wasted a lot of time eating slowly or just sitting quietly, procrastinating. I watched two Ted talks thinking that would be ok, but I felt like it was plucking the strings of my addiction, which spurred more cravings throughout the day.
FreetheG Posted September 9, 2017 Author Posted September 9, 2017 Day # 5Gratitude journal: electricity, it allows me so many of the comforts that I take for granted on a daily basisOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: went for a walk instead of relapsingWhat went well today: I started using the pomodoro timer a lot moreWhat I could have done to make my day better: be more consistent with rewarding myself and taking breaks, sometimes I overwork and then I get stressed, which induces cravingsWhat I will do differently tomorrow: increase mindfulness throughout the dayI almost relapsed again, but I was able to channel my pent up energy into studying for the MCAT. Sometimes I just need a change of pace, I could still be working, but if it is something else then it feels more dynamic and not as stale
imquitgaming Posted September 9, 2017 Posted September 9, 2017 You should consider maybe changing your environment for studying for the MCAT. Maybe go to a local library, coffee shop, maybe to a park with wi-fi if there's one near, etc. I find it helps get that change-up you need but you're still able to be productive.
FreetheG Posted September 12, 2017 Author Posted September 12, 2017 Thank you for the advice imquitgaming, I'll schedule some time to go to the library tomorrow and see how that works.Day # 8Gratitude journal: Friends who challenge and support meOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: went for a hike and met up with a friend I haven't seen in awhileWhat went well today: worked out and ate healthyWhat I could have done to make my day better: visualize my day and set more intentions throughout it.What I will do differently tomorrow: wake up and do yoga/workout instead of checking my phone for messages from friendsThe weekend was ok, I feel like I should have posted over the weekend. I was thinking "I'll take a break from posting", but my addiction does not take a break. I spent most of my time with friends/family and I didn't feel too many cravings, but there were a few moments where I was alone and I had a difficult time.???Question to whomever: My friends will send me videos/posts of funny/interesting things, I was wondering what your opinion is about whether I should watch these videos. I feel like it is ok because I feel it is for a social purpose, but sometimes after watching whatever was sent to me I find myself scrolling through the instagram/twitter feed for a bit longer than I would prefer. I don't feel like it's as gripping as when I watch Youtube or play games on my phone to escape, but I don't want social media to be a replacement for my abstinence of what I know is addictive.
Cam Adair Posted September 12, 2017 Posted September 12, 2017 Re: your questionWatch them during an intentional block of time (ideally at the very end of your day) so it doesn't distract you from your purpose during the day. That's how I am with politics too. If I start in the morning instead, I end up caught up in the wave of that shit all day.
FreetheG Posted September 13, 2017 Author Posted September 13, 2017 Thanks Cam for the advice. I woke up this morning and did visualization of my day and worked out first, I thought it was more productive. However, I did notice myself slacking after I did eventually go on social media. I think it might have a similar effect on my motivation as gaming/videos, but does not feel addictive. Either way, I think it is a good idea to save that for the end of my day, after I have accomplished what I need to get done.Day # 9Gratitude journal: My mother, who does her best to support me and tries to understand what I'm going through with my addictionOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: Had a delicious vegan dinner with my mom What went well today: Got a call for a job offer! (last week's goal complete!!!)What I could have done to make my day better: set more intentions throughout my day and get important work done first (work, then relax).What I will do differently tomorrow: Go to the library to study for the MCAT (like imquitgaming suggested)
imquitgaming Posted September 13, 2017 Posted September 13, 2017 Congrats on job man!!!! That's awesome!! Keep it up! i also noticed when I quit gaming that social media began to be a problem for me so I'm in the process of cutting back. I only check it at night now when I get done with work and it's been going pretty well. you shouldn't be worried about your friends if you don't instantly respond- I'm sure you can reply 12 hours later and still be just as social. I don't think the actual checking videos is bad for me but it's the mindless scrolling.
FreetheG Posted September 14, 2017 Author Posted September 14, 2017 That makes a lot of sense imquitgaming, it's something that I need to be conscious and mindful of. I plan on setting an intention when accessing social media and only going on there to stay in contact with my friends/family.Day # 0...Gratitude journal: I recognized when my behavior was beyond reasonable and felt like my addiction was taking hold againOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: finished paying a debt that I owed What went well today: I didn't lose my whole day after I failed, I was able to come back and focus on what's importantWhat I could have done to make my day better: not chosen to watch youtube when I felt uneasy/anxious in the momentWhat I will do differently tomorrow: Make some good food for myself to reward myself for a successful dayI failed, although it was different than I imagined how I would fail. I did watch YouTube, but it was a online news show. I convinced myself that the news was ok, but I ended up watching it for three hours, going from story to story. This was too much like my addiction to let it slide and play it off like I had a successful detox day. I am still am detoxing my phone games at least (that's day ten). But I do not want to choose to turn to anything to avoid the problems/struggles of life. I want to be able to face them without escaping, which is what I ended up doing when I watched Youtube. Tomorrow will be a new beginning. I've recognized that removing my usual Youtube shows and my phone games has deprived my brain from the hyper-stimulation that it is used to, and I'm still is trying to grasp onto anything it can, especially in the early detox phase. Never give up, one day at a time, forgive and learn. This is it.
thehondasc00py Posted September 14, 2017 Posted September 14, 2017 (edited) Don't worry about it. How we get distracted is quite a marvel of nature, and its what would have kept you alive in paleolithic days. Appreciate distraction's power and really aim to become more and more mindful of every time it rears its head. Edited September 14, 2017 by thehondasc00py
FreetheG Posted September 15, 2017 Author Posted September 15, 2017 Thanks the hondasc00py. It's difficult when technology evolves faster than biology.Day # 1Gratitude journal: I'm grateful for my car, which allows me the luxury of travel on my own termsOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: Found something I thought I had lostWhat went well today: when I felt cravings, I was able to just sit with the feeling and observe how it makes me feelWhat I could have done to make my day better: Made food earlier to avoid being hangeryWhat I will do differently tomorrow: Eat more veggies and fruits
Hitaru Posted September 15, 2017 Posted September 15, 2017 That's how I am with politics too. If I start in the morning instead, I end up caught up in the wave of that shit all day. B-Buh politics is fun ;-; This is what I mean when I talk about career discrimination. So sad. @FreetheG I keep liking your journals because of the format. Making gratitude an habit can do amazing things. One day at a time, you're absolutely right about that. Keep going!
FreetheG Posted September 16, 2017 Author Posted September 16, 2017 (edited) Thanks Hitaru for the kind words!Day # 2Gratitude journal: I'm grateful for fan, which provides a nice breeze and white sound to fall asleep toOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: The thought of watching videos felt unappealing (at least for a moment)What went well today: Cleaned houseWhat I could have done to make my day better: stuck to my schedule more, and go back to it when I felt boredWhat I will do differently tomorrow: reincorporate the pomodoro timer into my day, which worked when I did use it. I was going through my day, completing a bunch of errands, but by early-mid afternoon I hit a wall. ???How do you stay motivated throughout the day, and when things fall into a lull how do you put energy back into your day??? Edited September 16, 2017 by FreetheG
Simon E Posted September 18, 2017 Posted September 18, 2017 A couple hacks I use for rising again after hitting the afternoon-wall is: Take a walk. The exercise, the change of surroundings, the sunlight (if you live somewhere other than Sweden, lmao) will really bring energy back. A cold shower. Literally, ice-cold. You will feel more alive and more energized than from anyting else (caffeine, or hell, even cocaine, ain't got shit on cold showers.)These are two excellent ways to biologically prep you up again, but honestly, it comes do to grit and willpower. Feeling lazy and sluggish sometimes is inevitable - you simply have to act anwyays. Succesful people do what they have to do whether they feel like it or not. Good luck! (Also, props for use the pomodoro-technique, it's amazing)
FreetheG Posted September 19, 2017 Author Posted September 19, 2017 Thanks Simon for the advice, I've done exercise, but a cold shower is worth a try.Day # 5Gratitude journal: I'm grateful for my girlfriend who supports and challenges meOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: Donated a bunch of stuff that I don't need/use anymoreWhat went well today: I only thought about using once today, but I didn't hold onto it and I was able to let that feeling goWhat I could have done to make my day better: got up earlier and excercised What I will do differently tomorrow: Intend each task before doing it I know it has been a few days, but for personal reasons I decided not to post this weekend. Everything is good regarding my behavior and my life without games or Youtube. I am moving to a new state so that is also keeping me really busy. I also know it's technically Tuesday, but I'm counting this as my Monday night post. Nothing major to point out, but I also feel like I would fair better with my cravings (when they do arise) if I continued to apply all of the wisdom from people on this site on a daily basis and make new, and healthy, habits.
FreetheG Posted September 25, 2017 Author Posted September 25, 2017 I know it has been 5 days since my last post, but I recently moved to a different state, which took up a lot of time and gave me limited access to wifi. I hope to be back on a consistent routine and share my detox progress more regularly.Day # 10Gratitude journal: I'm grateful for the sun that provides energy for so much of the life on earth, and it's feels warm.One amazing thing that happened/I did today: I chose to play chess instead of watching videos (the cravings were strong today)What went well today: Settled into my new apartmentWhat I could have done to make my day better: got up earlier and exercised What I will do differently tomorrow: make an achievable list
SlackRamen Posted September 26, 2017 Posted September 26, 2017 Great to hear things are going well for you @FreetheG! I'm interested to see this achievable list. Keep it up!
FreetheG Posted September 27, 2017 Author Posted September 27, 2017 I like your 100 day goal SlackRamen. My ultimate goal is to live a healthful life, were I am uninfluenced by gaming and online videos and consistently chose a productive path. I usually write out daily goals on a piece of paper (like cleaning, exercising, errands, studying/work, etc.)Day # 12Gratitude journal: I'm grateful for homemade food because you can taste the loveOne amazing thing that happened/I did today: Ate super healthy today with lots of fruits, veggies (even my snacks)What went well today: no cravings today!What I could have done to make my day better: meditateWhat I will do differently tomorrow: study for the MCAT
SlackRamen Posted September 27, 2017 Posted September 27, 2017 @FreetheG You caught my attention with "homemade food." I know what you mean, nothing beats a freshly cooked meal prepared with loving intention. Except maybe sharing that meal with someone you love.
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