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Juha

Fresh Start

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Day #1 

It's 11.09 pm and I feel I have took big step on this.

It was really hard to get out of bed, browsed internet on phone for 30min (Bad habit, doing that a lot). After that I went to a place which is meant for people who are going through hard part on life. Haven't thought that too much but after thinking with this mindset I have right now about quitting games and starting new chapter on life, It's feels great to know I have some place to go every morning and get support from there.

When I got home I managed to produce music for 2h or more and I'm kinda happy with results I got. Watched some Cams GameQuitter videos and made plans how to move forward.

I still played one game of CS:Go but it haven't been as big problem as WoW. I was almost shaking while thinking to delete WoW and all other games. But as evening went on I managed to do some big things. I logged into WoW sent all the stuff and gold (+200k & 500k worth on items) I had for one character and gave everything to randoms, after I was done with it I just deleted it. TBH it wasn't that big as it felt first. Deleted also every other games but CS:Go but will do that aswell, not just today. Well maybe CS is big problem for me after all. :ph34r:
Next I'm gonna plug off my computer and will get back on this on saturday. 

I am proud of myself with results I made today

So until next time (saturday)

Cya

Edited by Juha

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Day 2 - Thursday 27.04.17

Writing this on phone so this won't be as long as it could. Will use templates when I get back to my computer. Couldn't copy paste it for some reason. 

Anyway

Went to sleep night at 2 am, I woke up around 3 times that Wednesday - Thursday night and was so tired on morning so I woke up around 11 am. I had my basic morning routine which is; I watch Netflix and eat breakfast (Not really healthy right?)  But I'm on my way to working on it. Instead watching 3 episodes I did watch only 1 and did shut my TV.

Right after it,  I wrote one page of journal about emotions, the step I took and what to do next. I went back to TV/YouTube watched some guitar tutorial, Cam videos and practiced / thought about it a moment. 

As I said I'll plug off my computer until Saturday, I managed to keep the wire on box even I got cravings +15 times on that day. I spent about 2h on just cleaning kitchen and all papers I had there, surprisingly I did enjoyed it. 

I also invited friend over so we watched Finnish hockey final and talked about life and everything. 

On evening before bed, instead watching Netflix I did write another page of journal and read 12 page of book (Achieve anything in just a one year by Jason Harvey) I bought more than year ago. 

Overall, the day was great and was good to notice that I can enjoy something else than surfing/gaming. 

And the feeling on this morning, it was unbelievable, haven't felt something like that ever. It felt like I can think really clear, was so open and did smile more in one morning than in one year. Even my therapist said that he noticed right away that something on me was so different, in a good way. 

Everyone of you who have been supporting and motivating me in these few days and everyone on this forum, thanks thousand times to make this possible. This community is pure gold. 

This is only day 2 but I truly believe I can do this and get rid from this addiction. 

Have a great day and enjoy every moment of it! 

Edited by Juha

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Day 4

Date:29.04.2017

Time I woke up: 10.20

Time I went to sleep yesterday: ~02.50

Today I'm grateful for:

- Music

- Finnish social security

- Books

- For this decision to quit gaming

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

- Deleted CS:GO which was last game I had on my computer! ^_^

Weekly Goal(s)

- To not relapse on games (not installing anything back)

- Write dreams and goals down, not just think about it. 

Monthly Goal

- Finished one book

- Have some idea about direction of life I want to achieve

What went well today

Deleted CS:GO which was last game I had on my computer

- Managed to write journal here and my notebook even it felt anxious

- Produced 5h music today

What did not go well today

- Have been sitting on computer many hours today

- Watched netflix couple episodes

- Got off track really easily, in this situation asap I plugged my computer back online I spent a lot time online surfing.

Quote of the day:

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan, but also believe." -Anatole France

Summary:

I have felt really lazy today. When I woke up, I had plans to "study" that book I'm reading but seems like I wasn't ready for that yet. 

Seems like weather affecting to my mood and mind a lot. Yesterday I felt totally different than today, yesterday it was like summer but today It's been snowing almost whole day. Still it's one of the execuses I'm telling myself to not do things, it still shouldn't block me to do thing in home. I should focus more on good things on my life than negative which I have done a lot today, yet, there is a lot work to do with everything and I think this day feeling is only something related to that detox, gotta dig deeper and figure it out.

Edited by Juha

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 Day 5

Date: 30.04.2017

Time I woke up: ~ 12.30

Time I went to sleep yesterday: ~ 01.50

Today I'm grateful for:

- Coffee

- Sleeping

- Meditation

Meditation

- 10 min guided meditation, I noticed that I got distracted with my toughts several times during that time. Compared to last time (Friday) my mind was a lot busier now, but mostly thinking what to do next etc.Meditation

One amazing thing that happened/I did today

- I met new people and was comfortable around them!

What went well today

- Meditated

- Got the track I'm currently working closer to release point

- Was comfortable around new people ( Wasn't nervous at any situation)

What did not go well today

- Drank a bit too much alcohol

Quote of the day:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" -Maya Angelou

Summary: 

Compared to yesterday, this day was a lot better! I did write my journal to my notebook, meditated and spent time with friends and new people. One girl I met there made me feel so good and apperciate my life actually. In my perspective it felt like we did talk/communicated like we have known each other for many years, during last few year, this is really rare for me. 

Even I spent time on my PC today, I didn't had urge to play any game, instead I worked on my music and actually enjoyed it, still there is some perfectionism on it. I have thought about perfectionism a bit during last few days and I have come to the conclusion that a lot of my perfectionism coming from gaming. Which prove it? Well, during the time I was playing wow, every time I was in raid, I had to beat many of the other raiders, still I was close to bottom cause I did raid casually. On CS I had feeling that I had to top frag all the games (which I did most of the time on my rank: LE / Lem on CSGO) or atleast avoid to be on bottom.

I have felt perfectionism on music a lot aswell which have been blocked me to release new stuff frequently just because I have felt that the song isn't good enough even my friend and other people have said it's perfect. 

Edited by Juha

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Day 10

Date: 05.05.2017

Time I woke up: ~ 09.30

Time I went to sleep yesterday: ~ 00.30

Today I'm grateful for:

- The decision to quit gaming

- Being able to workout

What went well today

- I got myself to gym

- Woke up early in the morning

What did not go well today

- Didn't ate really healthy today

Quote of the day:

“An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” - Goi Nasu 

Summary: 

It's already Day 10 and this have been incredible journey. Well I havent write for few days on here but still checking this every day and other people stories which help me to keep on track. 

The people around me have noticed some noticeable changes on me. They have said that they can see a lot more energy on me, I'm more present in this moment, I'm more open-minded and more. Sometimes I get cravings to install the games and go to play one game of something. I have checked some reddit posts and videos about gaming but haven't spent more than 30min max reading / watching it, usually I get feeling "F*ck this shit, I'm out" and start to do something more productivity like music or just go to sleep if I watch it nightime. But to avoid gaming, it feels like I have it totally under control; For example only 2 weeks ago when I got urge to go in gaming world (WoW / CS) there wasn't anything that could stop me to go into. 

And the sleeping rhythm, I've had a lot problems with it, like month ago my basic was to go sleep at ~09 morning and wake at ~19.30 or something, This change actually started immidietly after I quit playing and haven't had any troubles since then! I have challenged myself past couple of days to go sleep everyday a bit earlier and eventually to get my rhythm to point when I wake at 06 morning and get myself into gym before starting my basic daily routines. 

 

Edited by Juha

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Day 15

Date: 10.05.2017

Time I woke up: ~ 11.00

Time I went to sleep yesterday: ~ 01.30

Today I'm grateful for:

- Finnish health care

- New opportunities

What went well today

- Applied to work

Quote of the day:

" If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." - Fred DeVito

Summary: 

Couldn't think about 2 weeks ago that I find myself from this situation. I see every day as totally different and as a new opportunity to get closer to my goals and dreams. About 4 days ago I got feeling that I really want a job and each day since then the feeling have gotten stronger and stronger and today I actually began and started to look open jobs and write applies, I'm feeling that I'm more than ready to take next step.

If I look back only 1 month, I couldn't even think about going to a job, instead, I set excuses like "I'm sick, I'm not mentally ready to go job yet, no way I can handle anything if I get one etc" and just sat there and played games.

Also, I have tried to figure out what else I want to do and there is actually a lot of dreams and goals but one thing come to my mind all the time; I want to start code/web design.

This feels really great to actually be in control and to want more from life.

Edited by Juha

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Day 62

Date: 28.06.2017

Summary: 

Haven't write anything here for a while but I'm still on track. Have been without games over 2months already and these have been almost best months of my life. Before I started this I thought I can do this max 1 month but it was all in my head. I've failed my own "goals" too many times and this time it just felt right to go through this. In such a short time there has been a lot more good than in 2 years. I got myself to the gym, daily walks, festivals and seen my friends a lot. Let's take festivals as an example, I kinda avoided 3 years to go any bigger events just cause I didn't felt confidence, actually, my friend told me that my attitude has changed a lot and he said me that my expression is a lot more confident than it was six months or year ago. 

I still working my way through this, in fact lately I have felt bigger urges to start play games again but usually, when I get that feeling, I open twitch.tv and watch some gameplay for something like 10min-20min and it's a lot smaller urge than it was before. 

I do have some plans and dreams but I haven't managed to get those down and clear yet and haven't taken a step to actually achieve those. 

Now I've been forced to be at home cause I'm sick and it would've been an easy way to play and install some games but I'm glad I didn't. I still spend a bit too much time watching some TV shows. But I think it's more like some kinda prize for the tough day. 

Hopefully, I find motivation to write here more often

Road to 90 Day, almost done. Feels good

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Sounds good Juha. I haven't figured out my long term goals either beyond the detox, going to the gym, and losing weight. Actually it makes me feel better that you haven't figured it out yet at day 62 hehe. ?

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Sounds good Juha. I haven't figured out my long term goals either beyond the detox, going to the gym, and losing weight. Actually it makes me feel better that you haven't figured it out yet at day 62 hehe. ?

Thank you! Well IMO 60 or even 90 day is such a short time in the end to make clear long term goals nor get things sorted down about those, for me all I currently trying to focus is to get used to this new lifestyle without games and manage with urges and I believe many other person have this same.

One of the many reasons I jumped in to 90 day detox was to see am I even able to "fight" against such a controlling life style and so far this gives me a lot of power to continue my way forward. But yeah, gym and losing weight is really great goals which I also have in my mind, in fact those are something I have failed in past and which did bring me down with my other life changing goals because I have failed on those multiple time. 

Have great detox @Mattermrck

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Day 85
20.07.2017
 
Summary: 
Nearly done with 90-day detox!
 

I still do feel time to time some urge to play so for me this means, I'm not ready to play moderately after 90 day and I'm fine with that. Gotta go for another round of 90 Day + Nofap (Even harder than stop gaming for me lmao) + Less surfing and less netflix / hbo etc.

In past 85 days there, have happened a lot good. Latest "achievement" was that I applied to school to study coding and now I'm on the second day practicing math after 10 years (Algebra & some basic stuff I studied in 7-9th grade). Oh man, that feels hard but I'm ready for that challenge. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting into that school this autumn since there was only under 1 month to practice something I should have practiced a half year or something but I really want to move forward in my life. I have made pretty good plans for autumn/winter/spring in case I don't get into school.

 
Other than that, I have had a lot more time and motivation to work new music, started youtube music promo channel and being able to work on artworks/videos on it. A few weeks ago I was so inspired and got into workflow and finished & edited one video in such a short time without that much experience.
 
 

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Way to go, Juha!

Thanks! : )

Awesome! You must be proud of yourself!:)

Thank you @ Tom2 Yes, I'm! When I started, usually I was really skeptical about, "Can I actually to do it". But as time went on and ppl said to me that I seem to be a totally different person, having a lot more energy, happier and all that. I couldn't break all that down and get back on the old.

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There is one great tip which has worked for me and which I don't count on gaming where some others might do. But:

If you start to feel some massive cravings and you actually are on your way to install the games again and you want to go play just "one more game". Open twitch instead and go to watch the gameplay of that and think deeply and write the reasons down why that game makes you want to play again. Try to convince yourself that it's not worth it.

For example, I have had big urges to go back to wow and now usually when I go to twitch I notice that it's just same freaking grinding over and over again. Maybe some things have changed but it's not worth to start all over again and spend hours for nothing.

But don't watch it more than 5-10min at a time. Just go to walk after it, call a friend, read your fav book, if you have camera and enjoying to film stuff take that with you, find some spot somewhere nearly water and just go to chill and watch the beauty of nature and dream what you want to do with your life or just do something you enjoy.

That twitch thing might not work for everyone and I really hope that if you try it, it won' t drive you back to games. It's just something that has worked for me.

@ Tom2 I'm sure you will find yourself at great place after it! :) You can do it! 

Edited by Juha

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Reddit tells me it's Day 111

15.08.2017

Been a while again since I wrote here. But yeah, it's been great lately. Have felt really motivated and inspired to music, like last week I produced 5 quality tune in 5 days :oo

I have exams to school tomorrow and now I'm just stressing a bit. I'm having a feeling that I'm not gonna pass those and not getting to school yet since I had only under one month to prepare and these math problems still  looks really weird for me :D 

I came up with an actual plan for this whole autumn and next spring so now I just hav e to swim towards that, not going to be easy but I don't have nearly any interest to play games anymore so it's not this time as a wall for me when it comes to achieving something. 

Other weekend was also great, I was at music festivals, enjoyed the time and music there with my friends and I also met a girl there at the time when last artist played there and managed to ask number from her and been chatting with her a bit since. It just that I spent many years to gaming so I don't really have much experience how to move forward. I asked if she's up for a meeting and she liked the idea, but so far it's been me who have tried to drive this situation forward. I kicked the ball on her foot and now I'm just waiting for her to decide the day since she has a lot of work.

Anyway. It's almost 4 months since I quit gaming and so far it's been my best decision in my life. Right now, even if I get some urge to pick some game the next problem is: I don't have any clue what I would even want to play so the urge drops down right there.

Anyway, this one gonna be a tough/busy week. A lot things to do and traveling + 25th birthdays on Thursday, wohoo and some partying on weekend. Hopefully, I'll be able to update this a bit more and start to write in general more over here. 

Anyway, for you who read this. Have a great weekend and good luck with it what ever you're doing or trying to achieve in your life :)

Edited by Juha

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Day 161, almost half year already?!? 

I've came long road to this point and I'm looking my day counter every week atleast 3 times. 

At the same time I feel some kind of pride and some confusion, I have failed on so many things in past when I have decided to do something, but some way I managed to go through the hardest first days on quitting gaming and since that everything came along with that.

Half year ago I didn't had any idea what to do with my life, I was a bit scared to go even out, to shop, to do anything actually. Nowdays, my social anxious is 70% smaller than before, so not vanished yet, it's just doesn't make my life harder anymore, however part of it will be on me maybe forever, I don't know.

Lately, I interested Online business. Launched first things last weekend and looking now how to improve myself more in that area. 

My creativity have been as well really high this whole journey which actually motivated me to keep going.

I don't know how I had time or energy to play games ~12h / day

I'm really interested and motivated now to open next chapter in my life and see what's coming next.

 

Edited by Juha

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