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The shame, is it real?


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So, I've been reflecting on something Cam talked about in his videos. And before I start, I just want to say I don't want to start an argument or anything and that this is just a topic I want to view from a different angle and hear what you all have to say about it.

So. In his videos he (and many other in the comments) mentions that when living at home or in a dorm, there was a feeling of shame whenever parents/friends/roommates walked in in your room while gaming. And when these people saw you gaming you felt shame, and some people mentioned that they used to shut down the game immediately to hide what they were doing.

Now, most people in the comments seem to recognize this. My question is: should you really be ashamed? Isn't it just society's value of video games being "bad" that makes us feel that shame? And why do we give society's opinion in this matter so much credit? Society is just another viewpoint that isn't any more real than your own. Isn't it all in your head?

Again, I don't take anyone's side in this, just want to view it from a non-societal( is that even a word? x) ) objective viewpoint.

What are your thoughts on this? Would love to hear.


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We can view anything in this light. What is the point of working out? What is the point of getting a job? Blahblahblah

Gaming was something that deteriorated us as human beings. It made us obese, gave us back problems, desensitised us to life, made us neglect our responsibilities. The thing is we can't escape from the system. It will catch up to us one day. You can't put "gamer" on your CV. Gaming just inhibits your growth as a person. It's a leech for our emotional needs.

But so is reading fantasy. So is drawing. So is working out. All it boils down to is we shouldn't have any form of society at all. But that's never going to happen.

For me gaming was the nest. Now it's time to fly. Soon I will have to hit the ground though.

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Isn't it just society's value of video games being "bad" that makes us feel that shame? And why do we give society's opinion in this matter so much credit?

You could also feel ashamed for doing origami, jerking off or knitting socks. These things are not "advertised as cool" or "good" or "positive", hence we might feel shame committing to them publicly. In the end, we grow up with the desire to appeal to as many people as possible (mating reasons) – society – and being unappealing to society in public review is tied to the feeling of shame.

Shame is a sign of insecurity but at the same time a mentor to fit into society. Now it isn't super important to fit society, but to some extent necessary (for example: running around town naked is probably inappropriate no matter what society you are in) because being too unfitting can get you arrested and avoided by the general public. Mind: Society is based on culture and differs GREATLY from country to country – even from town to town, or neighborhood to neighborhood.

But as with all things that have 2 sides (like confidence and overconfidence, self-criticism and inferiority complex, care and paranoia, discipline and masochism), we "calibrate" them inside our heads according to our ability to emulate other minds, opinions and public consent. There is no right or wrong, the limits are blurry and some people feel shame for absurd things where others feel no shame for terrible deeds as a result.

The fact that gamers are ashamed for gaming (which in my opinion – even on this forum and having realized it is bad for me – shouldn't be a reason to feel ashamed) results probably from a lack of feedback from society and guilt from the realization that they aren't doing anything productive. The lack of contact to other people results in a "calibration" that is off and a disability to "emulate" other opinions accurately in their minds. This isn't just for gaming but probably any hobby where one holes up themselves in their room.

I wouldn't generalize though, as many don't feel ashamed for gaming and are completely OK. Furthermore, people watching Cams videos and making comments are already part of a group that thinks controversially about gaming. A gamer, that doesn't think this way wouldn't comment on the video in the first place – because he probably wouldn't watch it.

So you see, they realize their lives suck, they think against gaming, watch Cams videos, can't quit gaming, disappoint themselves, thus feel they disappoint society (because they lack perspective and feedback, take their own opinion of themselves as "society") and then feel ashamed. It's a pretty logical causality chain.


The older you get, the less shame you feel, by age 80-90 we all shit our pants and don't care. It's just natural. Don't feel ashamed for feeling shame. Don't feel shame.

Edited by destoroyah
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I have to wait until I am 80 to shit my pants? Seems like a long time to wait for an activity that makes you feel so liberal.

I disagree that we feel less shame as we grow up though. Part of the reason people might be ashamed that they are still gaming is that they are growing up and they are getting older - and they think they should know better or be setting a better example for their friends/family.

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I didn't feel ashamed for playing video games. Gaming was an escape for me, an escape from the real (hard) world. I didn't have the knowledge at twelve years old, which I have now. I didn't know how to become the best version of myself. So gaming became an instrument for me, an instrument which helped me escaping the real world. I could have felt ashamed of me playing that much, but why? The reason for me wanting to live in a fake world, was the real world. Gaming could have been replaced by any other hobby/activity, which would have helped me escaping this world.

The thing is, that the current society plays a big part in people losing themselves in different kind of addictions. Should they feel ashamed of not being understood? Should they feel ashamed for wanting to create a safe spot, where you don't get bullied? Should they feel ashamed that they can't seem to find their place in this society? 

Gaming is just an instrument which could be used to escape the real world, just as drugs and alcohol can be. But there is always a reason behind an addiction, and I don't think that anyone should be ashamed of their own reasons. They just need to learn how they could become the best version of themselves.

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