Ridingsplosh's Journal

[Ridingsplosh]

What's up brahs!  Starting my first journal here. I am going to make this a bit concise, and I might edit it another day to expand further. 

 

I've been playing computer games since I was young - I would say about 8 years of age. I didn't focus on any particular game for too long and I got a lot of enjoyment from single-player games. I also wasted many hours on Counter-Strike 1.6 and World of Warcraft. I am not one of those people that play games 12 hours a day, but still a significant part of my daily life is spent on games. On avarage this was probably 4 hours a day, but I think it escalated to a point where I couldn't focus on studying as a student, because I would interrupt each 15 minutes of study with 1 hour of gaming.

 

I really do hope to fill this time with some activities like reading books, or maybe even a part-time job. I am 22 years old and I've only read a few books(I didn't apply myself so well in school). I am studying in college right now and I am doing pretty well. However I don't want to spend every day entirely on studying and gaming, and I want to use the rest of the time with exploring new ways of self-improvement.

 

My goal is also to accomplish 90 days of no porn and masturbation, and that seems much harder than other addictions. Browsing the internet is yet another huge time-sink that I am trying to abolish. At the moment I keep relapsing with all of these and I can't even go for 1 week. I think writing here will help me clarify my thinking and be more conscious about the importance of this journey. As an inspiration from other forum posters here I might write about 3 things I am grateful for each day!  Here we go   

 

Day 1

Today was one of the good days, didn't waste a few hours in the morning on youtube or games like I usually do. Was outside a lot shopping for clothes. Then did some piano practise and hopefully now I can read. Spent significantly less time on the internet. 

[Wildee]

Hello  Good luck on your journey! NoFAP isn't as hard as people say ;P I'm curious, what book are you reading?

[Ridingsplosh]

Thanks mate! I hope I post here regularly, perhaps daily. I am reading Salinger - The Catcher in the Rye  hard to sustain that reading habit and I am slow lol

[Zeliow]

hey bruh, keep it up with the blog posts (make it a habbit) and good luck with your journey.

[gankylosaurus]

Welcome to the forums. Seems like you and I had a lot of the same gaming habits - mostly single-player, CS, and WoW. It's hard to imagine just quitting them, I know, but you'll do fine if you remember what's at stake and you realize that your games aren't gone forever. Just take a 90 day break from them and see how you feel.

I've read The Catcher in the Rye, too. It's an interesting book, I liked it. Not a terribly difficult read, either, so it's a good place to start.

[Cam Adair]

Awesome to have you here!!

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 2

 

Thank you brehs for replying  ! I think I was starting to lose willpower in the evening hours, close to bedtime. I didn't relapse though, just the urges were the strongest then. I think journaling is  extremely helpful. I already feel the difference as I am wasting less time on the computer. When the urges arise, I kind of get reminded about the fact that I am committed to this and journaling helps me remember and remind me about this. It is already too late today, and I forgot to do my reading habit completely. I think I will try it for a few minutes now as I am about to sleep just to continue the habit.

 

I was still browsing the internet randomly unplanned, but it was more for informational purposes. It was very hard to concentrate on studying today, but nevertheless I was a lot more productive than previous days in the past week as far as I remember as I didn't interrupt myself with my laptop now. I want to come up with some specific rules of limiting my time spent on the internet as well as forming new habits/activities. I will post about it soon, perhaps in the next post or 2.

 

Just to clarify, I want to do 90 days without gaming as well as 90 days nofap and noporn as a first step. After that I will evaluate if I want to continue with nofap. It is hard to find a reason to continue with gaming after detox and I will probably eliminate this completely even after detox, but I will think about this after I reach 90 days! For cutting internet usage, I might do some mini-challenges like 24 hours of no-internet, since quitting all these addiction at once seems unrealistic for my willpower.

[Zeliow]

Keeping the yournal updated is a great way to keep you reminded. It gives a sense of oh shit what will I tell them if I wasted my time again.

And with the rest, I think you shouldn't try too hard with strict rules on internet usage or you might stress out to the point of relapse.

[Ridingsplosh]

Keeping the yournal updated is a great way to keep you reminded. It gives a sense of oh shit what will I tell them if I wasted my time again.

And with the rest, I think you shouldn't try too hard with strict rules on internet usage or you might stress out to the point of relapse.

Exactly what I was thinking! Since I saw the others replied, I have a lot stronger willpower knowing that I will have to give an explanation here after I relapse. 

 

Stopping gaming and nofap for 90 days are the highest priority. Cutting out the internet right now  seems too big of a stretch, and I might save it for later. I am doing my best to fill my time with offline activities though and I am not wasting my time excessively online.

[Cam Adair]

Some days are easier than others. Cravings will pass. Hang in there.

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 4

 

I am still going strong. Yesterday I've decided to take a break before new year, so I didn't do anything productive. I had a lot of urges at one point after I had a few drinks in the evening, but they disappeared quickly. Today was also a lot easier, and I didn't feel any depression or anxiety. DId more consistent work as well. Mentally I feel more energetic. Gaming and fapping usually makes me tired and dead and I can feel the difference more clearly now as I completely stopped them for the past few day. Hopefully I can do some more work and reading this evening. Even something small like reading 2 pages will count since I haven't built up the habit yet.

[Stevec2283]

Welcome 

All the best with your journey, I may be new but I'm sure I can speak for everyone in saying that we're all here to help if you need it. We're all in this together because we all have one of the same goals and that is to quit video games.

[Cam Adair]

One day at a time.

[LuxoLamp]

Hey, Stevec2283,

So glad that you're feeling the difference! I'm doing the 90 day no fap and no video game challenge too.

Exercise has been really helpful for me. Gets some of the stress out.

Best,

Luxo

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 5

 

Thank you guys for the replies and support! Today was really hard, mainly due to nofap. I've been having really bad urges. As a result, I feel more lethargic, depressed, and distracted. I had a few flashbacks for gaming, but it wasn't a problem at all to avoid. Last night those urges made it impossible for me to focus on studying/reading/meditation. I went to bed too late(at 3am) and felt tired in the morning. Gaming urges happen sometimes as well, mainly when I get bored. 

 

I remember last time I abstained, I got the withdrawals around day 5 in.

 

I may consider going on an exercise program. I have a pair of running shoes. Only form of exercise I've done to this point is walking, and would helpful to have something more intense. I've also been thinking to start cooking more often and avoiding processed foods. Always struggled with the fact how cooking takes time each day but I really need to do it to save money and to benefit my health! 

[LuxoLamp]

Hey, Ridingsplosh,

Try 7-minute workout. Its a really nice app.

Best,

Luxo

[Cam Adair]

Hey, Ridingsplosh,

Try 7-minute workout. Its a really nice app.

Best,

Luxo

Agreed!

[Ridingsplosh]

 

Try 7-minute workout. Its a really nice app.

Best,

Luxo

Agreed!

That looks intense! I will try it. No excuse not to do it!

Day 6

Today I felt good again. I didn't feel any withdrawals or urges I think! I was a lot more productive and it was easier than before to remain this way. Not sure why I wake up so tired and cranky, but anything else is fine now. 

 

I can feel the difference between gaming and fapping daily and now. In the past I used to be really tired and depressed all the time and trying to escape, as well as unable to be discipline the tiny bit. Now it is easier to set my mind to start working on my activities and I am a lot more disciplined.

[Cam Adair]

I can feel the difference between gaming and fapping daily and now. In the past I used to be really tired and depressed all the time and trying to escape, as well as unable to be discipline the tiny bit. Now it is easier to set my mind to start working on my activities and I am a lot more disciplined.

Great job noticing these changes.

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 8

 

Just checking in. Had been preparing stuff and flying to London. That's where I am during term-time in college. I reached my first week without gaming and nofap. It has been a while since I reached this point. I am quite tired and sleepy as I just arrived from my flight. I will go into more detail soon, outlining the differences I noticed from both addictions. I do feel different at the moment in a more positive way. 

[Stevec2283]

@Ridingsplosh Great Job!!! Nice to hear that you're doing well.

In a couple of days I'll also be coming up on a week without gaming. 

Keep up the great work!!!

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 13 

 

Still going strong brehs! I have been on nofap and without gaming until now. I feel different. In the past I used to get depressed a lot more often than now. Perhaps it has to do with the dopamine hits of both addictions? I just seem more productive with everything, as well as more relaxed and less lethargic. I have an easier time getting up in the morning than I used to. Still making attempts to build the reading habit. I haven't been doing it every day, but it gets easier now!

 

I am not sure if that is correlated with stopping gaming or fapping, but it's a real difference.

 

I am also trying to apply the principles from the book:

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying: A Simple, Effective Way to Banish Clutter Forever by Marie Condo

 

I've been organizing my hugely messed up room. Not completed with that, but getting closer

 

 

 

[Cam Adair]

Heard great things about that book! 

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 17

 

I haven't been involved much in my journal or the forums as it hasn't been on my mind. I am planning to make longer posts soon. It would be really helpful to reflect more in detail about my journey. 

 

2 days ago I was extremely depressed. I don't know the reason though. It is really hard to know if the reason for it was withdrawals from porn and video games, or it is just a personal issue. I think the depression might be a withdrawal symptom, as it was never that strong in the past. Also, I am not having any serious persona problems in my life and it used to be much harder in the past. Yet, at the moment I felt more depressed than ever 2 days ago. Therefore, for now I can temporarily conclude that my bad depression is just a withdrawal symptom. 

 

I haven't gone 17 days for quite a while. The changes are a bit subtle and hard to describe. I guess if I am not particularly depressed, I just get a lot more work done. If I have a plan, I procrastinate a lot less than I used to. Also I am just so much more effective with my studying. I don't take a long break for each 15 minutes of work like I used to. 

 

Of course one of the benefits is that I have a lot more time to work on myself, I feel different as well. Less stressed, less depressed, attention span is longer. I tend to waste less time on the internet than I used to. Perhaps it would be useful to write in my journal exactly how much time I've wasted. 

 

I am noticing that my mindset is changing as well. I think quitting games helps me to make better decisions as my mind is a lot clearer. Sorry if I am not describing it properly, but I am more mindful of my time, acting more from a rational mindset rather than addiction-based impulsiveness. 

 

My productivity has gone up. I think I don't get distracted so often and that is a huge obstacle I've been trying to overcome. I am struggling a bit with adding reading to my habits, and also falling down with meditation. Perhaps I should try doing them in the morning, instead of before falling asleep? I've been cooking a lot more healthy last week than I've done in the past. 

 

Still not perfect, but I've improved a lot with how I use my time. 

[Ridingsplosh]

Day 19

 

Yesterday wasn't that good. Kind of fell a bit off the wagon with all my habits.  I did some meditation. Today I've been eating really bad, and I feel like it had an impact on me. Still, I didn't had any depression and I was fairly productive. Much more productive anyway than my gaming days. Sometimes I get gaming urges

 

I tend to waste my time mostly in the morning and evenings with internet time-wasting. That ends up being too much and I am sure I can do so much work at those times. I have some things on my to-do list and that makes me procrastinate. Nofap is getting extremely hard too, and I am not sure I will last too long. 

 

Struggling to wake-up on time and earlier at the moment. Trying to decide what time I want to do it, and it has been so random. Staying up late randomly on the internet and then waking up late and being lazy in the morning. I really want to change this.

As inspired by Marie Kondo's book, I am working on tidying up my whole room, as well as phone and laptop. It's a bit of a long process, but I am making progress.