Jump to content
×
×
  • Create New...

LuxoLamp

Members
  • Posts

    27
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by LuxoLamp

  1. RESPAWN Journal No 15 Round 3: Day 8 Round 3: Day 1 of No YouTube Round 2: Day 1 of No Comics Day 7 of No Porn Day 22 of Meditation Day 9 of Gratitude Journal Day 1 of 100 Pushup Challenge Title: Day of despair Yesterday, I turned off the safeties on my computer and I went onto YouTube and read comics until around 3:45pm in the morning. I felt horrible. The previous day, I felt ignored by several girls who I thought I was bonding with. I’ve been eating healthier too on the other side. However, I spoke with a girl friend of mine yesterday about her verbally abusive boyfriend who she is tolerating in the hope of deeper relationship. I felt powerless to help her. I recommended some phone lines to call then I backed out. I felt frustrated and annoyed and reminded of how I was alone romantically. That’s why I went to YouTube. Today, I looked in the mirror and saw that my face was puffy and that I had overslept, my normal time. I didn’t do my nightly respawn and I also didn’t do my planner. I’m still improving and I managed to stay away from video games. Help. Help. I’m realizing what’s wrong and I’m changing. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Cam Adair
  2. RESPAWN Journal No 14 Round 3: Day 6 Round 2: Day 2 of No YouTube Day 5 of No Comics Day 5 of No Porn Day 20 of Meditation Day 6 of Gratitude Journal Day 1 of 100 Pushup Challenge Title: Temptation vs. Community I was fortunate enough to have another great day despite my lack of sleep yesterday. I am taking a class in VR which is very cool. Also, had lunch with another cool girl. I ran into the same girl from yesterday by accident. It turns out we are taking two of the same classes. I walked with her and she seemed totally fine. I haven’t really been tempted yet technology wise by anything in particular. I wanted to hookup with a girl today who I knew would be bad news, so, I decided to call a help line. It was really helpful, instead, I ended up going to a nice church group meeting. I’m happy. Best, Luxo Shoutouts:
  3. RESPAWN Journal No 13 Round 3: Day 5 Round 2: Day 1 of No YouTube Day 4 of No Comics Day 4 of No Porn Day 19 of Meditation Day 5 of Gratitude Journal Day 1 of 100 Pushup Challenge Title: Great Day and Wasteful Night First day of classes today. I woke up on time, did my Rick Warren, Headspace, and journal. I had lunch with a friend. Then, I organized my desk and went to class. My dance class a lot of fun, and I met a lot of new people. I had a good meeting with a teacher too. Lunch was healthy salad with chicken. My girlfriend broke up with me. It was actually a relaxing experience. My Psychology class was interesting and engaging. I sat in the very front of the class and ran into this girl who I had met once before after a dance seminar. We were both very engaged and got to be fun examples for a demonstration involving M&Ms. I called her “Catch” and she called me “Mind Reader”. We arranged to meet later at the library to study. Then, I went to a church group dinner. We saw the Alabama game. I met with the girl and we ended up talking for nearly 7 hours. It completely took me off schedule, and I’m now writing this at 2am rather than my organized time at 10:30. I’m kind of annoyed because of this but also realizing that I need to accept that there will be disruptions. Hopefully, I will be better prepared next time. She was nice, although I think I definitely made it too clear that I liked her. Oh, well. She still likes me, and I’ll see how it progresses. We’ll still be sitting next to each other every single class. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @
  4. RESPAWN Journal No 12 Round 3: Day 4 Day 17 of No Youtube Day 3 of No Comics Day 3 of No Porn Day 18 of Meditation Day 4 of Gratitude Journal Day 1 of 100 Pushup Challenge Title: I’m Back and Prevention Today, I returned to school and continued to update my schedule. I felt no urge to do anything bad today, and I felt good eating healthier. I noticed my roommate was watching a YouTube video of a play through of Arkham Knight. That was a habit I had last semester. After about five minutes of him watching that game, I noticed that I kept hearing the same loud bang noise. Also, I realized that my roommate said he was going to bed at 10pm, but it was now 11pm. I was still awake scheduling and reading syllabi, but he was just watching a video. So, I did something I didn’t expect, I called out his name, twice. Then I told him, “Those videos don’t get any better you know.” “Huh?” “Those play though videos” “Oh, I’m just watching this because I played a lot of Batman over break” “Yeah, I’m just saying that those kinds of videos get really repetitive. I’m just speaking from experience that watching that stuff is a bad habit to start.” I expected him to nod, then keep watching. Instead, he put away is phone and went to sleep. Success? I know that maybe my negative behavior wore off on him a little, but I still want to help. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Cam Adair I finished the Respawn PDF. Thank you.
  5. RESPAWN Journal No 11 Round 3: Day 4 Day 16 of No Youtube Day 2 of No Comics Day 2 of No Porn Day 17 of Meditation Day 3 of Gratitude Journal Day 1 of 100 Pushup Challenge Title: Good Work Day + Scheduling I’ve been reading a Christian ministry book called What on Earth am I Here For. I’m on day 20 and each day, there is a quotation from the bible, and I write out a short journal on the daily topic. I also meditate every day using Headspace. I’ve been doing Headspace for 17 days straight now and thought that it would be nice to give the gift of headspace to the first person who wants a month of Headspace for free. After they’ve completed the first ten days of free Headspace. Headspace has been extremely helpful to me. I also read another chapter of Psychology today. I’m also still reading The Slight Edge. I’m really tired due to jet lag but it’s all good. I also started doing the 100 pushup challenge which was really fun. I also did something that I’ve been wanting to do for a long time and practice hip-hop dance. I only practiced for about five minutes, but it’s my penny getting invested rather than wasted on videogames. Gradual improvement leads to great results over time. Best, Luxo Shoutouts:
  6. [1]RESPAWN Journal No 9 - 10 Round 3: Day 3 Day 15 of No Youtube Day 1 of No Comics Day 1 of No Porn Day 15 of Meditation Day 2 of Gratitude Journal Title: Reinstatement and Comic book Relapse Today was fascinating. I did a little test run before I go back to college tomorrow. I went to a library and studied for two hours. Then, I went to the gym and worked out for an hour. After that, I went back to the library. It was a good test run. I enjoyed being able to switch relatively seamlessly from work to workout to work. I’m traveling tomorrow so I got to have sushi for my last night in NYC. Thanks Best, Luxo Title: Mess up and Flight Yesterday, I went on my computer and stayed up late looking at comics. It was all based around the same issue of fantasy. However, I am developing this habit of honesty, so I was able to resolve the issue quickly. To address both the comic book issue and the phone game issue from a couple of days ago, I downloaded Freedom software and removed video games from my cookies preferences on Facebook. Today, I also started reading the Slight Edge. I’m already on page 173. I think that its information is going to help me as a I continue my gradual improvement with a slight edge. I’m also using Freedom, it blocks wi-fi, every night. Thanks. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @phpsmith Thanks! I found the cookies section and berid myself of advertisements. @Stevec2283 Thanks for the encouragement!
  7. RESPAWN Journal No 8 Round 3: Day 1 Day 13 of No Youtube Title: Slip up and Crispr After seeing an ad on Facebook, I re-downloaded and played for about forty minutes a Star Wars game called “Galaxy of Heroes.” I was less mad about this relapse this time, because again I immediately deleted the app from my phone and resolved to improve next time. I am committed to this no matter how many mistakes I make along the way. However, I’m still trying to stop watching porn. I think I’m still attracted to porn because I feel isolated sexually, even though I slept with several girls the first quarter. As I respect myself more and more, the urge to watch porn decreases. Despite this, going cold turkey on pornography is hard. I’m still keeping touch with my girlfriend and just seeing her face makes me happy. Also, I got to read some fantastic articles on virtual reality which I really recommend: http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2016/04/25/making-movies-with-virtual-reality http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/06/magazine/want-to-know-what-virtual-reality-might-become-look-to-the-past.html I also took a leap of faith and attended a Lecture at a nearby museum on Crispr, a type of gene editing, and its possible implications against mosquitoes. I also ran into some kids I knew which was nice. Despite some initial awkwardness, I was able to talk with them pretty well. When they remained a little silent, I took part in a silly ice-breaking card game. I helped my team win a wonderful prize: super hero themed rubber ducks (I chose the batman one). One student, helped my team, while the other, did not. However, at the end, the second kid took a prize as well. This annoyed me for a while since he didn’t even bother to get out of his chair to play the game. However, I realized my own progress in applying myself to a social situation rather than getting trapped in a game. I also realized, that the second kid was simply feeling awkward for not participating and needed some sort of validation. I then felt more compassion for him. I hope to keep improving and feel more compassion around me. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Cam Adair Thanks for the positivity
  8. Hey, Jon, I've noticed that a lot of former gamers are actually morning people. Keep up the good work. One app which has really worked for me is the 7 minute workout app. Best, Luxo
  9. Hey, Danny, Welcome! I used to have a Gameboy SD when I was a kid too. Learning to move away from video games is a courageous act. Well done! We're all open if you have any questions. Best, Luxo
  10. RESPAWN Journal No 7 Round 2: Day 3 Day 12 of No Youtube Title: Reunion and Workout Today, and yesterday, I spent seven hours reading and making flash cards on a psychology chapter. I’ve been trying to increase my attention span through reading. While I haven’t seen any immediate effects yet, I’m hopeful. I went to a high school reunion today. Had some ice cream and spoke with my high school teachers. It was nice. I got to learn about some French movies from my French teachers. I also spoke to a kid who is attending my current college about rushing. I was curious about whether I should join a frat or not. After that, I did my first squash practice in about a month. After squash practice on court, I did a 24-minute workout. It felt great to be back on court and working out again fully. When I don’t workout, I feel tense. Over the days, I feel mostly an urge to watch porn rather than video games or YouTube. Yeah? Also, I got some Korean food. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Cam Adair Thanks man
  11. RESPAWN Journal No 6 Round 2: Day 2 Day 11 of No Youtube Title: Basketball I told my parents about my slip up. They said that everything was alright and that honesty was always an improvement. I also resolved some confusions I had with my girlfriend. Today was a fun day. I got to go see a basketball game today with my friends. I also did a short workout. I was talking to my mom today about the power of language. Something that I said a lot when I was starting this project was that I was afraid of breaking my “streak”. However, as my mom pointed out a streak always ends. By classifying playing video games as a streak, I was unconsciously expecting an end to my video game ban. I’m not having a streak; I’m continuing a commitment. We are committing, and not creating a disappearing streak. Thank you everyone. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Cam Adair Thanks for the support. @qwethm987 Thanks for the insight.
  12. Hey, Ridingsplosh, Try 7-minute workout. Its a really nice app. Best, Luxo
  13. Hey, Stevec2283, So glad that you're feeling the difference! I'm doing the 90 day no fap and no video game challenge too. Exercise has been really helpful for me. Gets some of the stress out. Best, Luxo
  14. Hey, Stevec2283, Sounds like you're making great progress already. Welcome to the community and Happy New Year! You play the guitar? That's so cool. What's your favorite song? Best, Luxo
  15. RESPAWN Journal No 4 Round 2: Day 1 Day 10 of No Youtube Title: So so so so so so Angry I am enraged right now. I am angry for a multitude of reasons. I had a great New Year’s Day with my family including my first Monopoly victory. However, I’ve had a rage simmering inside me all since yesterday. It was the last time I would see me girlfriend for perhaps six months. I’m really mad that I can’t see her for a while since my college is far away. However, I’m also mad that I suggested with her friends that we play Wii Resort at her house. Wii Resort, really? Wii Resort? All of the games on that disk suck and most are hard to play with multiple players. I played for about fifteen minutes before realizing that none of us were having fun. So, I suggested a card game and we ended up playing Uno. Gah! I broke a nearly ten day commitment and broke my concentration from my girlfriend for a horrible Wii game which wasn’t even fun. I suppose a small victory is in realizing that the game wasn’t even fun. However, I was so mad at myself. I still am. Also, in my former high school group chat, the kid who I hated the most or who was the biggest frenemy ever, was challenging everyone in the chat to those new Facebook messenger games. I wanted to crush that kid. So, I played for about 10 minutes before realizing that I wasn’t going to spend three hours upgrading my character to beat his high score. I was frustrated again that I played a video game and frustrated that I didn’t beat him. Both events happened yesterday. I’m terrified of telling my parents that I played video games because if I don’t show a clear indication of “improvement” they aren’t going to send me back to college next semester. I have only a few days left. Today, after church, my mother encouraged me to pray with the minister. I had done this before with another minister and despite initial resistance, I did it and felt better. This time, it felt unnecessary. I know I have been speaking up with other people about my issues with gaming, but this felt weird, bizarre, and almost invasive. I knew that the pastor wouldn’t criticize me or be mean. However, I did so minus the prayer anyway. So, every day I have been writing down my schedule in a book. I’ve been reading and writing as well to improve. All of this has been on my own accord. Yet, when one of the apps K9 malfunctioned and I couldn’t reach RESPAWN forum, they immediately went onto the internet to find another site blocker. This completely messed up my schedule. I understand, I systematically lied to my parents' faces about my college experience while playing video games. I also understand, that it’s perfectly acceptable to receive help when in need. I understand that I’m in need. However, I still felt great anger at their debunking of my schedule. It's immature I’m sure. My mom even apologized and I was hard and cold towards her. I felt ashamed, but I was even more afraid that my worry would show. Honesty is key. Appreciation is key. Improving is key. Fixing one’s mistakes and moving on is key. Yet, now its 2017, and I’m still scared of messing up. Thank you, everyone. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Shine Magical It’s really great. @Cam Adair Pleasure as always.
  16. RESPAWN Journal No 4 Day 7 & 8 of detox. Day 7 & 8 of No Youtube Title: Repeat I had difficulty sleeping last night. I kept seeing visions from snippets of comics, porn, and video games. They weren’t necessarily telling me to play games, rather than reminding me of all of my insecurities and inabilities. I am getting better at resisting temptation. I was curious, how can I get rid of this attitude of “if I screw up once, I lose all progress”? I practically did the exact same thing as yesterday, I worked hard, arranged more of my schedule, and read another chapter of psychology. Today it was about genetics, DNA, natural selection, and the evolution of behavior. I’m interested in the psychology of surrender as a positive factor. I’ll elaborate more later. Also, made a crane and a box out of paper. Also, did my usual workout. Title: Friend and Worry I got to see my friend from high-school today which was nice. We got pizza and ice-cream. He had done well during the quarter which did make me feel a little insecure, but I told him about my troubles and he was kind. Afterwards, I went and got a small gift for a friend at a comic store. I read three comic books afterwards. I didn’t read twelve to fifteen like I’d usually do. Just three. However, I’m going to be especially cautious after this not to seek out fantasy. I’m reading this great book called How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s not about dominance and manipulation, it’s about being more honest, sincere, and appreciative of other people On a completely different note, one program which has been very helpful to me has been Freedom. Freedom is a computer downloaded software which completely shuts down all internet on both my computer and phone. I only use it when I’m going to sleep, so that I’m not tempted to use the internet or game at night. I’d really recommend it, it’s a good investment. Thanks everyone. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Pierce Sorry for responding on my feed. Wow that’s sooooo cool. I didn’t even know about the multitude of dances and that they fell under separate umbrellas. Looking forward to the class even more now. @hycniejsy Once a textbook worm always a textbook worm @phpsmith it does. J @Zeilow Thanks. Still working though.
  17. Hey, gankylosaurus, One of my favorite web sources that if you want to have a gallon of happy juice, you need to swallow a shot glass of sweaty discomfort. Also, soreness is an illustration of your real effort. Keep up the good work and laugh a little when you feel the soreness. :-) Best, Luxo
  18. Hey, gankylosaurous, Amazing job using the application! I did only seven minute workouts for a couple of weeks before doing multiple cycles. Another idea is to do one in the morning and one in the evening. Woo hoo. Best, Luxo
  19. Hey, Shine, Nice choice! Goat cheese is the way to go for me. Best, Luxo
  20. Hey, Pierce, Thank you very much for your great advice. I'm really happy that all of this time I spent on gaming is not just wasting away, but rather getting put into new talents. I noticed that you're taking latin dance. I'm also taking a social dance (waltz, salsa, square dancing) class next quarter. What's your favorite kind? Best, Luxo
  21. RESPAWN Journal No 3 Day 6 of detox. Day 6 of No Youtube. @Pierce (Thanks for this new addition to my journal) Title: Hard Day’s Work Today I stayed inside all day. However, I didn’t play video games and I didn’t watch YouTube. Something else I didn’t do today was read comics. Every Wednesday for the past five months, I would go online and read nearly every single new comic that came out. This process would always take at least two to four hours. The entire day today, I was thinking about reading comic books. Instead, I read my psychology textbook to see if I still wanted to take the course. I read the textbook for six hours. It was dope. I didn’t read any textbook for more than fifty pages while in college due to my gaming, YouTube, and comics. So … I made flashcards and everything for the reading. #OnceANerdAlwaysANerd. Also, I got sushi for dinner which was amazing. I will be posting some origami photos soon. Thanks for all the fantastic support. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Reno F Thanks, I used this fantastic app called Prism to get the effect. @dandielionous I thought your advice about the minister was useful. I know that it’s not my job to help John, but I feel compelled to say something when I’m around. If I’m going to get away from my own addiction, I should give myself some time away from him. Maybe later, I can be of better use. @Cam Adair Thanks for the continual support. Honesty has been key. My honesty about gaming addiction has helped me be more open in so many more ways that I initially imagined.
  22. Hey, Pierce, I noticed that you were a vet and that you've also stopped watching youtube, one of my goals too. I just started both about 5 days ago. I'm an 18 year old college student from NYC. What are some of the best pieces of advice you've received to stop gaming? How have you stopped watching youtube? Thanks. Best, Luxo
  23. Hey, Gankylosaurous, I hope you are well. A good app which Cam recommended which I've started using is the Couch to 5K app, it gives really good progressing steps to running. Another App which I really like is the 7 minute workout app. The best part is that its free with no ads! Keep up the good work. Best, Luxo
  24. Hey, Magical, I love salads! What kind of salads do you like? I really like pineapple in breakfast salads. Goat cheese was a surprisingly good addition to lunch and dinner ones. Hope you are well! Best, Luxo
  25. RESPAWN Journal No 2 Day 5 of detox. Title: Talking about it So, today, I finalized my elimination of all distracting sites from my computer, completed a thorough schedule for my next semester in college, and opened up to my uncle about my issues with Video Games. I installed some of the suggested blockers from Cam. It felt a little strange blocking all of the sites, including some of the video game info sites like Kotaku. After, however, I felt relieved. I got rid of the majority of porn websites and game websites too. I also spent a large amount of time organizing my schedule for the next semester in college using Google Calendar. Last semester, one of the reasons I fell into gaming was my lack of organized structure. As Cam says, having an agenda is certainly key. Finally, I went to a movie with my uncle. As I opened up to him about my addiction with video games, he told me about his college difficulties and addiction issues as well. Its really good to know that honesty in this way to the right people can lead to deeper relationships formed on mutual experiences. Thanks again. Best, Luxo Shoutouts: @Cam Adair Thanks for this fantastic opportunity and your well thought out guide. Its been very helpful and the results have been tangible so quickly. @phpsmith Thanks for the advice and I'll be sure to be writing more about my relationship with John in the future.