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Ashley K.

This relapse is the last straw

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2016 hasn’t really been great except for when I had my son back in November, I was ecstatic.
But ever since I relapsed, night after night since then I tried playing. I kept trying even when have been sleep deprived for awhile now. Whenever he sleeps, I play when I should be getting my rest. I kept saying to myself that I can limit the amount of time I can play but I know I can’t.

A week ago when it was around 3 AM, my son started to cry because he needed a diaper change. Of course, I got frustrated because I was being interrupted. At first I was pissed off and then realized it was idiotic of me to get mad at a baby for doing something natural to let me know something is wrong. I felt so guilty and stupid for feeling the way I did. I let it go and just continued to play later on. Now on Christmas Eve, I feel like it was the last straw. I played some more while my mother has my son while I was supposed to rest up. I ended up taking the Xbox and moving it into storage because I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing or else I’ll end up making myself sick from sleep deprivation or god knows what else. 
I don’t want to say that my New Years’ Resolution is to quit gaming for a whole year, amongst other things even though it sounds good. It just seems cliche. But Im not knocking the idea away just yet. A lot of things have to change or else its going to get worse.

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