Going out to bars alone

[Tatu92]

Hey, 

What's everyone's take on going out to bars alone. Or rather, Can anyone who does this give advice on how I could start doing it too?

I want to meet new people and women and have a nice time out at night. But my friends don't usually go to bars/clubs/lounges.

So I suppose I wanted to start doing it by myself, and once I got really comfortable with doing it/ started finding it fun instead of intimidating I would invite my
friends out to the good spots.

I generally feel intimidated at the thought of being alone outside at night, not for safety purposes, but just because I fear being seen as a loser or "not cool enough". Or 
someone who "doesn't have friends and is alone". 
 

Kind Regards,

T
 

[Hitaru]

@Cam Adair had a lot of experience adventuring into clubs by himself when he first quit. I find his example a bit too extreme imo  but I think it could be positive to try. If you go alone there's a greater chance that you will open up and stick with the first person or group you can find, and make some friends as result. You must also be open to failure, some people might find your eagerness and daring solitude suspicious or intimidating. But if you bear good intentions that's their fault! 

Also, I personally don't trust those PUA mechanics. There's some real psychology behind the process of flirting and establishing connections, but some PUAs are charlatans. Specially those who claim to follow a step-by-step system. Just my opinion.

[Tatu92]

Thanks Hitaru,

Yeah I heard Cam went out all the time in the beginning. 

Yeah, I don't really look at it as a PUA thing. The way I see it, most normal people are okay with going to bars/clubs. And it shouldn't be weird. But, the only thing that I was having anxiety about was going out alone. 

I do believe a lot of PUA's are charlatans. We share that belief, but I think there's something worth achieving in stretching one's comfort zone socially. Like, if normal people can go have fun at night, why shouldn't I. That's my thinking behind this. Again, my only reserve is in doing it alone. Since, most of my friends don't frequent bars/clubs. 

Thanks for your input Hitaru,

T

[WorkInProgress]

I never did this kind of thing but if I wanted to start it I would try first to talk with people in an easier environment. Like in the supermarket or at the train. Then if your comfortable with speaking to strangers you just have to do it in a bar. Talking with strangers about their lifes would be the highest obstacle for me. Gong out into a bar isn't. Main Thing is that if you really want something the ebst Thing si to do something right away which gets you in the right direction. Go out and say hello to strangers

[Tatu92]

Yeah, I should rename that title to *how to have deeper connections with people. Or something like that, the bar thing is more my neurotic obsession with my shortcomings/lack of experience. 

[Cam Adair]

Going out alone is highly recommended!

#1: It's about being independent and pursuing your goals no matter what - regardless of whether you have anyone else to support you or not.

#2: The only person you can rely on in your life is YOU, because you're the only person who you will always be with, so being able to be independent is crucial.

#3: Going out alone helps you actually talk to people because you can't rely on your friends to hang out with.

#4: Nowadays I don't go out to clubs but I travel solo a lot and this independence has helped me A LOT.

[Hitaru]

Going out alone is highly recommended!

#1: It's about being independent and pursuing your goals no matter what - regardless of whether you have anyone else to support you or not.

#2: The only person you can rely on in your life is YOU, because you're the only person who you will always be with, so being able to be independent is crucial.

#3: Going out alone helps you actually talk to people because you can't rely on your friends to hang out with.

#4: Nowadays I don't go out to clubs but I travel solo a lot and this independence has helped me A LOT.

Absolutely this. There is a diference between going to a place on your own, and going alone. When you take the responsibility to rely only in yourself, you never spend much time alone. You always end up talking to someone, making connections. It's human nature. The first step of being just you in the wild can be terrifying (trust me I KNOW) but the results can be unbelievable. 

[Tatu92]

thanks guys, this is reassuring to hear actually. going out alone takes some gonads, glad to know that I can come from a strong place doing it. 

[Cam Adair]

thanks guys, this is reassuring to hear actually. going out alone takes some gonads, glad to know that I can come from a strong place doing it. 

Yep! And this means that it helps you grow that much more! go get em

[Tatu92]

Finally did it! haha thanks guys, I consider this day the day I broke my limiting belief.

[Nancy S.]

Finally did it! haha thanks guys, I consider this day the day I broke my limiting belief.

That is awesome news!

[addict10n]

@Tatu92 Hey.

Since January 2016 I've went out to bars by myself at least 50 times,so been there, done that. (I dont really count but you get the point).I also visited 2 countries on my own during the summer and met many people there as well.My motives are to meet women ,exploring cool places and fighting boredom  but there are plenty of reasons one could try "flying solo". I still go out alone to bars and such but not as often. The point is that I've been through the stages of social pressure and to me right now it's not that big of deal.

If you need any help on how to get started and how to fight the voice in your head telling you it'd will be wierd and whatnot or if you are worried about what other people will think I believe I can help you, send me a PM if you want to talk about it and share your experiencesabout going out solo and/or meeting girls.

Edited November 12, 2016 by addict10n

[Tatu92]

thanks @addict10n!

I'll definitely take your feedback and advice into account, and will be giving it some good thought into how I can incorporate it into my life.

T

[Cam Adair]

@Tatu92 Hey.

Since January 2016 I've went out to bars by myself at least 50 times,so been there, done that. (I dont really count but you get the point).I also visited 2 countries on my own during the summer and met many people there as well.My motives are to meet women ,exploring cool places and fighting boredom  but there are plenty of reasons one could try "flying solo". I still go out alone to bars and such but not as often. The point is that I've been through the stages of social pressure and to me right now it's not that big of deal.

If you need any help on how to get started and how to fight the voice in your head telling you it'd will be wierd and whatnot or if you are worried about what other people will think I believe I can help you, send me a PM if you want to talk about it and share your experiencesabout going out solo and/or meeting girls.

Love this!