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Zala

In search of bravery

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Hi there @Zala, I came across this post in search of some peace and solace by putting "Pokemon" in the search box. I must admit I'm glad this feature exists in this forum.

Pogo is a hideously easy game, but frustratingly difficult to control. Just like Bushnells Law says "all the best games are easy to learn but difficult to master". Because it is an augmented reality game it puts a layer over everything in your life so you will be triggered to play again by your environment. It is like the alcoholic that is triggered by seeing a pub or a problem gambler lured by a VIP room sign.

I totally agree with @Granitwelle that Pokemon go/ingress can make people toxic. Sure, I've met some great friendly people, but trainers who play this game hardcore play on another level. Not sure whether I knew that today I was gonna quit again (I have been quite irritable today) or the fact that some people in my guild turned out to be not the people I thought they were. People say they play for their team but really people play for themselves. 

I have 3 accounts linked to google accounts. 1 is linked to my personal email, 1 was created by a team mate and a third created by another team mate (but progressed by me) as a back up. 

I just got my sister to change the password for 2 accounts. 

Today I played 2 hours to do 6 Raids for the elusive Zapdos legendary Pokemon (looking for one with a high %). People have been saying things like "is it true only a certain number of people get the legendary in the raid?" 

The most addictive aspect of this game is that it tends to make people feel like they are sitting 7 days straight on a poker machine and believe that tomorrow the machine will pay off with the ultimate Pokemon to show to their team mates. 

I must admit today I felt quite a lot of shame for various reasons. It is good to come to a forum like this and see that you are not alone. I agree that shame is a normal reaction but the sooner I move on and not feel sorry for myself the sooner I get on with doing the things I need to do and want to do. 

Tomorrow is Day1

 

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Hey CG Eye a fellow former (am I right!!) PoGo player I see. So glad to meet you. Can't wait to follow you on your journey. I just started reading your posts. I quit PoGo at the end of June. Basically just deleted the game from my phone. Haven't returned since. A bit after the major gym rework. Basically I was living in a red town, with an occasional blue player. So I had to put in a lot of time&money to get to where I was. It wasn't so much fun at the end, as it was just pure obsession. Unfortunately I've made a mistake and I connected my PoGo account to my email address I frequently use. Never imagined that I wouldn't be able to change it. So the only thing I could do would be to delete any sort of progress, all tiers, potions. At this point of time I'm afraid to even install it, even if to do just this. I should also gift/sell my PoGo+. But it's almost like selling alcohol. You kind of know that people are able to use it and not abuse it, but still. Don't want to take a chance. I would rather just throw it in the trash at this point.

And it was really hard for a couple of weeks. I also deleted all of the youtube subscriptions connected to PoGo. Luckily I had no friends that would play, so your road will be a lot bumpier from what I've read. But like you said I get triggered by the environment. Especially since I played the game a lot near my home. Every time I pass a certain monument, tree, church I get nervous. It's a lot better now but it's still there. So this augmented reality is a bitch and I'm afraid of the time, when this type of games will be even more common.

I have been completely clean for 42 days, I had another relapse last week. I feel like a total whiny baby, but this is the hardest thing I had to do in my life. I played Plants vs Zombies last week. You know just to have fun for an hour or two. Obviously it was a terrible idea. Even though I didn't play this game for more than 2 years, it felt like I finally got a fix. I felt totally relaxed, in the right place, like it was lightning up all sorts of the right brain paths. Can't explain it. From what my friends tell me, it's like having a smoke after a month or two, only better. Of course I've been playing for 8+ hours since. And dreaming of gaming in between.

I just don't know what to do. I need my computer for learning the language and staying in touch with my friends, family which are at this point 1000 kilometers away. I need my phone for staying in touch with friendly people around me. And short of throwing these two away, I can't imagine a life, where I won't be triggered on a daily basis. And if this "feeling" doesn't go away after two years ... I mean when will I be free?? When will an occasional game crossing my screen be like ... horse riding for example. Yeah ok, I can do this for an hour or two, as long as it's fun. Or I don't, because I don't feel like it. Either way I can stop, say no.
I'm thinking of starting a new entry, since this one is all over the place. But on the other hand it doesn't make sense to pretend, that I'm able to have a clean slate in life.

Thank you for reading, sorry for the bad grammar, a bad day, you know how it goes.

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I'm at home, waiting for a call from my future (I hope) boss. Don't want to have a conversation with him outside or in the library, since I still have problems understanding German. I've read Quit for 90 days topic. Learning from the best. I've also reread my diary from the beginning. Found a couple of important triggers, points, patterns. And I should also learn to celebrate my success(es). Here we go, important triggers.

1. Tv shows, movies (To quote myself:I have seen enough movies and series to last me a lifetime. I seriously have seen more movies, tv shows, than my parents did in their whole life. Besides movies&shows being major time-consumers, I often come to a point where I am content, comfortable, bored and I can't simply just watch an episode. And I choose easy, predictable games to play alongside the series to get the rush and a feeling of being productive. Like: look at me I'm doing two things at the same time!)

2. Youtube videos in succession (I don't think I have to stop watching Cam's videos just yet, but I need to stay away from "just one more" mentality.)

3. Pictures of cute animals, gifs, short videos (they lead to triggers nr. 2 and 3).

4. Believe it or not: coffee (I often make myself a cup of coffee. No sugar, no milk, very strong so it's bitter and not a pleasant experience. I wait till it gets cold and then I force myself to drink it. My thinking is: I will just have this cup of coffee and then I will be productive. Like coffee will help me do this, or even more: like coffee is the first successful thing I did that day. In reality it just makes me hyper, anxious and makes me crave something sweet. As I wait for it to get cold, I watch youtube, since I can't be productive without coffee right? Plus it affects my sleep in a negative way.)

5. No timetable or too rigid of a timetable (I basically fall from one extreme to another. I'm either a bit bored, since I don't have anything planned. Or I know exactly what I should be doing in the next 5 hours and I don't feel like doing it. Lack of energy, motivation, laziness. It might even be, that I feel having a good plan is good enough. Like going to school, not really doing your best, but it seems like you are doing, what you are supposed to be doing. This will be the biggest problem, I'm afraid. I would love to have some pointers. Basically I haven't had a productive week at home for about 10 years. So if I manage to be productive for two or three days, I get cocky/surprised and then I fall back into bad patterns.)

And here are also a couple of thought processes/tactics that get me in trouble. They might not be true for other people, but I really shouldn't listen to them as far as this is concerned.

1. Everything is pointless and anything I do is a waste of time anyway. => Gaming is as good of a waste of time as anything else. (For me that simply isn't true. I've never had a need or patience to do anything for that amount of time as gaming. If anything affects your relationships, money situation, career, personal growth and wastes 10+ hours per day, it's a problem. And for some reason that doesn't really happen with other things, only gaming&binge watching. So yes, gaming&binge watching are problematic.)

2. Keep it simple: go to work, do housework, enjoy people&hobbies. (Doesn't really work, I need a certain amount of stress and fear in my life. As soon as I get too comfortable, I've actually stopped trying or I lost focus.)

3. What's the big deal, a little bit of gaming won't hurt me. (See nr. 1. It never is a little bit, is it?)

4. Not being mindful of what I'm doing at this particular moment. (It might be old habits, muscle memory. I sometimes just find myself in front of computer, clicking on an online game or video. I will try to go to this forum instead.)

5. Sharing my goals with other people. (I thought this would make me more accountable. And that it will help for example my brother understand, that I don't really want to play games, talk about gaming. He keeps recommending me new games to try. New games that I will like. I love him but I think he also has a problem. As an older sister I should be able to help him, not get sucked into this vortex with him. I will try to do my new 90 days without telling him. If he starts conversation about gaming, I will pretend that I'm interested in his recommendations. And try to think of it the same, as if he were explaining to me how is his paragliding going.)

Actually I made it to 140 days once. But after the first week, days around 42-45 seem to be my danger area. I need to remember that.

So here we go, let's see if I know how to attach a picture :)

svincnik_crta.thumb.jpg.64f6e32452bdb9df

DAY 1/90

 

 

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Hi Zala,

God knows I'm not the best source of advice, and a bit of a hypocrite to presume I can assist someone who's suffering as I am (ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M JUST ON DAY 2), but I want to share my thoughts on your last entry.

Regarding TV shows, YouTube videos, and looking at cute pictures you say these are triggers that make you play games. While I can see why you feel this way, for me these are the "effects" more than triggers. You're basically bored, and looking to be entertained, and watching shows and pictures are trying to fill the same hole playing video games fill up. While you could argue that since we're both focusing on our GAME addiction and it's better to binge on other media instead, chances are they aren't really satisfying you which what makes the temptation to game so much stonger.

What you can do is go to the opposite spectrum, being productive. Now this is just my opinion and it's likely for me to be wrong but to use an example, some people consider doing chores or studying productive, but for me being productive means actually PRODUCING something. Creating is the opposite of Consuming. You're not really producing something when doing chores. I would argue that one way of being productive means creating media, like writing or even drawing. While it sounds like a waste of time, you're actually producing something and this gives a feeling of accomplishment that you don't get from watching TV shows. I think that's what you're really looking for, a sense of accomplishment.

Cam explains this perfectly at his video Why You Game: Your Need for Accomplishment. This also ties in very neatly with your keep it simple thought process, Cam gave some tips at around 3:40 that you could improve your social skills, or even go to a date or two as an example. If you're single and a bit awkard (but I doubt you are for some reason) this in an excellent example for you to go beyond your comfort zone. He basically sums it up better shortly after that, I recommend watching the video because he explains things better than I can and I'd rather not paraphrase him.

Regarding coffee, I want to let you know that for me coffee is pretty useless, and it does not make you more or less productive than you can. You certainly get a caffeine rush but you know what else you can get caffeine from? Tea, and Soda. Apart from them tasting good, there's really no other benefit and you can be productive without drinking coffee. I want to let you know that I started drinking coffee when I was maybe 9 years old and I loved the freakin stuff. I quit cold turkey about two years ago and I feel a little better because I don't get cravings for coffee anymore. This is why I know it's an addiction. I remember my last cup of coffee two months ago(!) I drank feeling that I would need the caffeine to be alert for work because I had no sleep at all that day. It didn't work, I didn't feel more alert but it sure messed up my sleep because when I got home I COULDN'T SLEEP (this was after being awake for about 40 hours straight, very unhealthy). This is the effect coffee has on me now, I've lost my tolerance to it. I also don't drink tea and soda as a habit.

Trust me when I say that you're setting up false expectations for yourself if you believe you need coffee to be productive, I'll just leave it at that.

Regarding timetables, lack of energy and motivation, laziness etc. I have enough self awareness to admit that I'm not one to provide advice for this. Cam is, however. And he has great videos that explain what we can do about them here: How To Improve Your Willpower, YOU ARE NOT LAZY.

Understand that I'm linking his videos because he's a better judge of character than me and more likely to help both of us than me sharing what I think you can do to improve things.

About sharing your goals, I'm very curious why your brother is stubborn about recommending games even though you shared your goal of quitting for 90 days with him. Is it possible he doesn't really know or understand? Perhaps explaining your situation to him again will help. I'm just thinking it's hard to pretend to be interested when he's recommending games, If it were me I probably would be tempted enough to give in.

That's all I can say for now. Take care.

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Hi , Zala! For my own schedule, I had to be rigid in that I scheduled everything (eating, shower, meditation, etc.) but I also try not to clog my days with too much activity, leaving some flexibility.

As for goals, it's good to think about them and your long term vision for yourself, but it might not come to you right away. I don't think I really contemplated real long-term goals for a couple months. For a while it was all about not gaming.

Stay strong...we're here to listen and provide support.

Edited by Mettermrck

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Hey @iamthemithras, thanks for replying. Your first diary entry really made me smile. You decide to do something and of course you get something thrown at you right away :) . I hope it will be nothing but smooth road for you from now on.

Maybe I did a bad job explaining a couple of things. "Keep it simple" process/tactic doesn't work for me. At least not yet. As anxious as I am, I still fall into routine too easily. I wouldn't say I get bored, I don't really know what boredom is. But I do get this fuzzy, foggy feeling. There is always two sides: either it's too comfortable and I go into gaming because of boredom, or it's too stressful and I fall back into gaming as well, because at least I know how to deal with it. Lose-lose basically. I will have to figure out, where the middle ground is.

Same with coffee: I know it's not a good idea for me. It's an excuse basically, I can't go outside, into the library, for a walk because I need my coffee first. So yes, you are right, I don't need it. Maybe it's just this idea, that people who work a lot, drink coffee, I don't know. I've gone for months without it. It's just another gateway into watching youtube and gaming. But nine years old. Damn, you are an early drinker ;) . I'm expecting a headache tomorrow, but ok. I might throw away coffee I have left. My partner doesn't drink it anyway. It's the best thing, controlling your environment. You can't drink coffee, if you don't have any. Right? :)

Hm, I really need to think about videos&binging on shows as effects. They are obviously connected to me gaming, but I'm sure you are right and they are not really the reason or cause of my troubles. I might try to focus on dealing with an actual cause. Problem (or as Cam might say challenge) is, that I'm more of a passive type of person to begin with. Even when I did some writing on regular basis, I was mostly passively reading 10-20 books and then did a review. Maybe because when you are producing something, especially if it is, like you said, with your hands, you get this product. And you may not like it. As far as drawing goes I definitely wouldn't like my product. So how can you deal with bad products? At least when you are passive, nothing really defines you, because who knows what's going on in your head. If I draw an ugly picture, I'm a bad drawer :). Does that sound stupid?

Yeah my brother has his own battle. I'm not sure if he even knows it or to what extent he understands it. He's very much into the "not a big deal", "just having fun" type of mentality. But he is definitely addicted to gaming. He started before I did, he is now in his early twenties, 10 years younger than me and gaming is already causing problems. At least I did my exams in college before I got hooked. We are not really close, basically this is one of the few bonds we have and I'm afraid to break it. Basically our relationship needs work. I just feel terrible watching him going through this and not being able to be an example of a "big sister". Maybe there is even some amount of sibling rivalry and unconsciously we don't want the other one to succeed. Who knows. Not all people in our lives will be supportive. I don't think they are bad people. They are just afraid of changes that could affect them. I will try to stay quiet this time around, I think it's the best idea for me at this point. The same goes for my partner, I think I've disappointed him time and time again as far as binging&gaming goes. I'm sure he will notice the progress eventually.
 

@Mettermrck Do you have a day specific schedule? Or just general rules? How far in advance do you make it? I did a schedule a couple of times, where I basically put down everything. Eating, shower, exercise, work, meditation. I've even put a timer to make sure I stick to it. Didn't work. Then I just made a to-do list and tried to check everything, no matter when I did it. Nope. Then I made a list of important things. No go. Then I said, f* it just try to do two hours of reading&learning, you can sit on your ass otherwise. Guess what? Didn't work. I usually do ok for a couple of days but never for a whole week or so. And if something comes in between (like a call from a friend that needs one hour of pick-me-up talk) I get nervous. Because it's messing up my schedule and we all know I can't live without it. But yes, I always nag my workaholic partner, that we need a schedule. For basic things like sleeping. Maybe I should just let him do what he does, and go to bed every day at half past ten and get up at six. That would be a nice start to get some momentum.

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I used to do specific times but found it too constricting. Now I have a general checklist...what things do I need to do today...everything from shower, breakfast, get dressed, etc. It's actually nice checking things off a list and feeling that sense of accomplishment. I do incorporate day-specific tasks too (work on weekdays, church on sundays, etc.) I even put tasks to make sure I get my reading and podcasts in or texting friends!

Yes, that's probably OCD but it helps me immensely and reinforces that sense if taking it one day at a time. You should experiment and modify and see what's comfortable for your personality.

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It's nice to hear it made you smile at least. I've been thinking of changing my journal to a lighter tone, it's mostly negative and it says a lot about how I'm taking things.

Writing and drawing are just an example really. I think artist is the word you're looking for instead of drawer. or illustrator I suppose. The details are unimportant.

Anyway if you're producing something you know is objectively bad, I guess you can take it as an opportunity to improve IF you really want to. I used to write fan fiction and my first fics were atrocious, but practice and reading from much better writers than I am helped me with everything from grammar, to my general creativity. I'd like to think I improved a lot. Regarding drawing though, I haven't drawn anything since I was a kid, but I'm beginning to want to learn to draw Anime... might look into that.

Making something should be fun for you, so If you find that writing or drawing isn't really a passion of yours there isn't any reason to improve upon it. You could learn to cook tastier meals I suppose, it's just what popped into my head right now. You're "producing" food so by my definition cooking is productive, and I imagine making good food is immediately satisfying. I can't cook for shit though, so don't quote me on this one, I don't really know.

I'm the eldest of four, so I know how it feels to not "being" an "older brother". I'm not really close with two of my siblings, particularly with my sister. I guess you gotta do what you think is right, keeping quiet for now is probably the best move since you're not that close. Nobody wants to be made an example of, especially if they don't like or respect the person. Perhaps once he sees you change for the better, he might feel comfortable talking about his "condition" but it's a long shot I admit.

Best of luck to you, thanks again for reading my journal

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Day 2/90 was successful. Long and hard. I guess sleeping a bit more is how my brain deals with this situation. Nothing major, just one hour or so more than usual 7-8 hours of sleep. Made a to-do list and I was doing ok till about 16.00. After lunch and talking to my brother it just kind of fell apart. So I haven't read a couple of papers, which were the last (a bit large) part of my list. Haven't gamed or watched movies, did some housework and ironing after that. I will write&reply more tomorrow.

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@ Hey Pete, pleasure to meet you :). Yeah I guess this is a reminder that I will probably never be safe, ever. My granddad could have told me that. He was an alcoholic, started drinking after he came back from the war. He quit after he got sick. But he was sober for 35 years after that, basically till he died. And he used to say, that he is still an alcoholic, he is not cured, he just doesn't drink anymore.

@mitras I used to enjoy drawing a lot. As a kid or a teenager. But once I got to a point, where I should be doing exercises (shadows, perspective, drawing circles, stick-men) I gave up and went into reading. I guess this was also one of Cam's suggestions, to try new things to see, how you feel about them. So I could just try it for a couple of weeks and see how it goes. I got a selection of pencils for Christmas and I haven't even opened them yet. And like you said, if I find it boring, I can try cooking. I'm sure my partner would enjoy that more than drawing haha.

3/90 Only half day through but I decided to make an entry anyway. Everything ok. I actually have great news. I got a job. Finally! My first job in a new country. I've been at home for a year now, since I moved from Slovenia. I did some translating&writing, but more as a hobby, not nearly enough to call it employment or to cover my bills.  So it's simply great! In September I get to go out and spend time with other real, lively human beings, which means less pixel time by default. Next week I also start with an intensive German class, so I will be covered for at least 3 hours per day + homework till September. Being happy can be another trigger, how can you celebrate good news, if you are alone at home? Well of course with a little bit of gaming. Because I deserve it. Right?
cox_wrong.thumb.gif.8b9198b92e0a22d83412

I'm stomping on this logic by cleaning the apartment and doing German exercises till my partner comes home. And of course reading your lovely diary entries! Take care everyone!

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It's ok Zala, what really triggered my gaming was that i needed to get away from it all, my Alzheimer grandmother (who recently got diagnosed at 94), my stern and pushing father, the bullying in high school, i just had enough so i nearly went insane. Just keep up the good work , like i told somebody, don't let nothing stop you from achieving your goals.

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Being happy can be another trigger, how can you celebrate good news, if you are alone at home?

Why stay at home?) Music and dancing can help you cope with happiness xD. A little James Brown music never hurt anybody (well, maybe apart from JB himself) xDxDxD

Edited by Vlad

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@Vlad James Brown you say ... interesting choice :). Not sure if I was ever happy enough for his music though :D. Trying it out nonetheless.

Day 4/90 Learned German for a couple of hours. I've also read a couple of papers I had on my desk for a long time. First time I checked everything on my to-do list. I hope I'm on the right track setting this kind of schedule for myself. I guess some self-guessing is normal. Like Am I doing the right thing? The right amount? Is the order ok? Should I be doing something else? Funny thing is, those questions never arose during gaming. Not even when it lasted 8+ hours. Not that I was doing the right, smart thing. It's like I knew it made no sense and I was just for passing time, enjoying it. Or maybe I was just too sucked into it to actually start thinking.

Luckily in a foreign country learning national language can't be a bad thing. I do want to integrate more into this new environment. And I do have a lot of reading to do before I even try to start writing my essay, that's due till mid September. What I need to work on is exercise. Might be best if I do it in the morning. Let's try this gratitude thing one more time.

I'm grateful for reaching my daily goals.

I'm grateful for a lovely new dish I made.

I'm grateful for a lovely walk I had with my hubby.

 

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@Vlad James Brown you say ... interesting choice :). Not sure if I was ever happy enough for his music though :D. Trying it out nonetheless.

Day 4/90 Learned German for a couple of hours. I've also read a couple of papers I had on my desk for a long time. First time I checked everything on my to-do list. I hope I'm on the right track setting this kind of schedule for myself. I guess some self-guessing is normal. Like Am I doing the right thing? The right amount? Is the order ok? Should I be doing something else? Funny thing is, those questions never arose during gaming. Not even when it lasted 8+ hours. Not that I was doing the right, smart thing. It's like I knew it made no sense and I was just for passing time, enjoying it. Or maybe I was just too sucked into it to actually start thinking.

Luckily in a foreign country learning national language can't be a bad thing. I do want to integrate more into this new environment. And I do have a lot of reading to do before I even try to start writing my essay, that's due till mid September. What I need to work on is exercise. Might be best if I do it in the morning. Let's try this gratitude thing one more time.

I'm grateful for reaching my daily goals.

I'm grateful for a lovely new dish I made.

I'm grateful for a lovely walk I had with my hubby.

 

You won't believe how many times I've had that 'oh crap' feeling when I was competitively gaming and I had something I needed to do, good luck on your goals as well as school @Zala

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Day 5/90

Since about 140 days was the longest streak without gaming, I might go for 150 after I come to 90. It's good to have dreams even though they can't be goals yet :). This time around I also watch a lot less of videos, tv shows ... basically any type of moving pictures :).

All the time I suddenly have makes me kind of nervous makes me nervous as hell. I start with my German class tomorrow, so I will automatically have at least 4 hours less of my "personal" time. I definitely can't game or binge watch during the course :). I 'm just starting to realize how much time I spent in front of computer screen. So my relapse wasn't that harmless. My days are suddenly very open, even empty. Unfortunately my hubby has a lot of work to do and my only two friends in the 10 mile radius are still on vacation. I wrote a couple of emails to my friends who are still Slovenia (sigh), but it's not the same as having a cup of coffee with them. It's ok. I still have old responsibilities to work on. Luckily I'm starting to realize, that I'm more conscientious than I thought. Fear of doing something (wrong) or not doing it, does help me to snap out of things sometimes. So @Pete when I was gaming a lot, i just didn't take on any new responsibilities, goals, work ... because I kind of knew I wasn't going to fulfill them or do them in time. Which of course is a problem as well.

I'm kind of nervous of meeting new students&teacher tomorrow. And seeing a couple of girls that annoyed me in previous class. But hey ... you can't have it all.

1. Grateful for feeling good. No pain, no sadness.

2. Grateful for Nutella (a bit too grateful in the last couple of days :) ).

3. Grateful for a lovely to-do list notebook I got from my friend. I can finally use it as it is supposed to be used. I'm grateful for having such a lovely friend as well.

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I understand you Zala, you feel heavily unreliable in certain situations as people around you starts to question 'omg, can he/she think?', then make you do what they used to do to me when I was in Basic training...which was troll. So gaming put a dent in my common sense, Tbh.

Good luck and just be yourself for your first day in school, people are there for attention anyway, remember that.

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Day 5/90

All the time I suddenly have makes me kind of nervous makes me nervous as hell. I start with my German class tomorrow, so I will automatically have at least 4 hours less of my "personal" time. I definitely can't game or binge watch during the course :). I 'm just starting to realize how much time I spent in front of computer screen. So my relapse wasn't that harmless. My days are suddenly very open, even empty. Luckily I'm starting to realize, that I'm more conscientious than I thought. Fear of doing something (wrong) or not doing it, does help me to snap out of things sometimes. So @Pete when I was gaming a lot, i just didn't take on any new responsibilities, goals, work ... because I kind of knew I wasn't going to fulfill them or do them in time. Which of course is a problem as well.

I'm kind of nervous of meeting new students&teacher tomorrow. And seeing a couple of girls that annoyed me in previous class. But hey ... you can't have it all.

You can volunteer for something social in your "empty" time. It will be social and in German by default, therefore super useful for you and free of cost. A huge plus that you can't be self-conscious while volunteering: you're putting work in for free and for a good cause - if anybody has complaints about how good you are as a volunteer, you can always propose to refund the 0 euros you're getting paid. ;)

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Good luck and just be yourself for your first day in school, people are there for attention anyway, remember that.

I'm not sure I get that Pete. Can you explain  the "attention" part a bit?

Funny thing is even with older people (our group before: 12 people, 23-40 years old) the atmosphere can become very similar to high school class. You've got the pretty ones, the geeky ones, the annoying ones, the ones who are always late ... I find it kind of funny. Luckily I'm on the upper scale (32) and I don't get bothered if the pretty girl in the class thinks I'm not cool. 20 or even 15 years ago that would have made a world of difference. I do think I'm more stable as I grow older, at least as far as social aspects go. After you try for years to be popular or at least fit in with a majority and you don't succeed, you just give up and accept yourself and situation. And the results are actually better, plus you stay true to your uncool introverted obsessive self. That's a good thing, right :D.  One good thing about getting older at least.


Vlad I actually did an extensive research when I've moved here. I live in a very small town and the only volunteer work I could get my hand on would be related to one of the three churches (different religious branches). For anything else I would have to know somebody or pay for the public transport (which is incredibly expensive). Plus Switzerland is big on organizations, contracts, insurances, permissions ... I would love to help an elderly person, I have no contact with this age group at this point. Maybe help her/him by walking a dog, doing some housework ... But why would anyone trust me? And I must say I'm somewhat scared, because I'm not sure that there isn't some sort of rule I'm breaking, if I offer to help someone. I will definitely check a forum I often use, for foreigners. And I might ask my Swiss neighbor after he returns from vacation. I know he did some volunteer work years ago ... It goes on my to-do list anyway, thank you for reminding me of this option.

6/90 A bit overwhelmed today. Got a bunch of papers about contracts, taxes, vacation time, dress code ... It takes a looong time to even get through a couple of pages. I hope that by this time tomorrow I will read them at least once.

I'm grateful for my mum, always there to hear about my problems.

I'm grateful for people on this forum, working hard and helping each other.

I'm grateful for having the opportunity to learn a foreign language in a great school.



 

Edited by Zala

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7/90 Found another trigger. Facebook. Seems obvious. But I never really was a part of this Fb community. I post about 5 pictures per year. I think most of my pictures from last year were pictures of my hamster  and random pretty views from hiking :D. But I am a lurker. I feel good when I give a like to somebody. I feel like a part of someone's life if I'm browsing through their pictures. In a way I also feel like I'm helping them achieve whatever goals they have reached and are posting about them. But it is seriously time consuming. Even though I never add people that I don't know, or at least like to some extent, there is just a lot of news on a daily feed. If I wanted to get through everything I would have to check Fb at least twice a day. And if I do it for a couple of days and then I don't I feel bad. Like I've been kicked out of the good stuff, like I'm missing something. Which obviously I'm not. Lost 2 hours today, checking Fb. So I wrote an email to a couple of good friends that they better call me and tell me if they get married or pregnant. Which is of course a joke, because we talk or write to each other at least once a week. I won't make a mistake by making a big deal out of quitting Fb, although I've flirted with this idea. I just have to convince one acquaintance to give me her email (for some reason we only speak through Fb messenger) and then I will be done with it.

I'm also having a tough time adjusting to my new teacher. She doesn't really correct our mistakes. And she doesn't really praise us either. I know I have to give her more time, but right now I just miss my old teacher.

1 Thankful for my old teacher. She is such a positive, energized, motivated bundle of love. And I'm glad we're still in touch.

2 Thankful for my brains and control+c, control+v they all helped me get through paperwork.

3 Thankful for a lovely sunset.

sunset.gif

 

sunset2.png

If you don't know or don't like this reference (movie Bedazzled) I'm sorry. We obviously can't be friends ;)

Edited by Zala

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That darn sunset! Love that scene...? I'm very particular on Facebook and use it primarily to stay connected with people. I often unfollow (but not unfriend) people, mainly for excessive political and religious zealotry.

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Good luck and just be yourself for your first day in school, people are there for attention anyway, remember that.

I'm not sure I get that Pete. Can you explain  the "attention" part a bit?

Just don't let anybody get under your skin, sometimes undergrads are out of control and seek attention. Also, nice pictures.

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