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AlexTheGrape

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 69

Today has been an interesting one! I ran out of time to run in the morning but I did one during school with the running club. It got me energised for learning and I asked lots of questions after it! I now know for certain that I need to keep active to do my best in many ways.

I've been having mild cravings to play EU4 within the past week but I know it would be terrible to play after all I've gone through to quit. It gets me thinking though, have I fulfilled all the needs that gaming has for me? I believe the answer is no as I haven't found a way to see consistent growth and maybe some other things.

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I'm grateful for having something good to think about in chapel today from the chaplain. It was that although it is tempting to run away from our problems to have sweet relief, our problems really stay with us. It is instead much better to face our challenges head on so that we target the source of the problem and move forward in life. I can also relate this very well with Cam's story and my own journey. 

I'm grateful for having a run during school as it has helped me with my studies during the day.

I'm grateful for the opportunity I have at my school.

Edited by AlexTheGrape
Wrong day number.

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 75

Today I've gotten my working habits sorted! I ran for 10 minutes in between each block of 50 minutes of work, and I got a lot done!

Quite a lot has happened in the past week or so, but I'll give the highlights. I got my first internal exam back and I scored E+, which is the highest grade in the NCEA system. It was a great way to kick off, but I haven't been working too efficiently until today.

I've been working at a bar, at a wedding, and competed in a fencing competition, the last two of which I did the same day last week! I've been certainly keeping myself busy.

On Friday a fellow student gave a wonderful speech on excuses and why we find it so hard to try new things, and it was 'because we find the most resistance' in doing so. He also used my favourite quote, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step", and placed emphasis that it is the first step of a journey that is the most significant.

I'd like to get back into practice of meditating and visualising, as that was a powerful force for me earlier in my detox.

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I'm grateful for getting home earlier than I normally do today.

I am grateful for the variety of advice and insight I heard in chapel yesterday.

I am grateful for the delicious dinner I've had tonight.

What went well today:

My studying went very well this afternoon because I made sure I was active in my breaks so that my body was energised.

I made good use of my morning tea and lunch time to get more of my homework done.

Posting now has yet again given me more direction in where to improve!

What could have done to make my day better:
I could have visualised my goals to start developing good autosuggestion again.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will meditate immediately upon waking up, then go for a run as usual.

I will visualise both after meditation and before I go to bed.

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 76

Super quick post today.

Didn't get much sleep so I skipped my morning run, meditation, and forgot my visualisation, but I had a run in the afternoon to make up for it.

I had another busy day, but snacking got in the way of things since I busied myself at lunch with algebraic long division. 

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I'm grateful for being grateful! Saying these out loud gives me a nice fuzzy feeling.

I'm grateful for the maths help I got today.

I'm grateful for the freedom I have to work how I like.

What went well today:

I got through the day generally well and cut down a little on the homework stack I've got.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will meditate upon waking up, visualise,  then have a run! I will also have a run during the day with the running club.

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 80

Woohoo! I'm only 10 days away from finally completing my detox, and there's no chance of me relapsing in the next ten days since I'm still at school.

My week has been very busy, but today I've been able to relax to an extent. I have been too hard on myself in terms of school studies today and haven't actually had proper relaxation time, I've been feeling guilty that I should be doing more. I felt a little sad and frustrated this afternoon for reasons I can't pinpoint, but after some meditation I found my afternoon much more enjoyable.

It's about 4 weeks until the school holidays, so when they come around, I'm going to dive back into the 30 day challenge! I'm also keen on making at least one friend per day, my social development has gone in reverse as I've been sticking within my comfort zone for a while.

Not too long ago I heard a very good speech from one of my peers about how starting something new or trying something different is hardest before starting, and used my favourite quote from Lao Tzu: “The journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”. The main idea is that we find the most resistance in doing something new when we haven’t started since we need to change what we’re doing, so by simply starting, the worst of the activity is behind us.

An important thing that’s happened recently is that I’ve qualified to go on an experience/expedition with the New Zealand Defence Force (the army, navy, and air force) which goes from the 4th-7th of April. I applied about a month ago because I was somewhat interested in pursuing a career in the defence forces as they can pay for my university degree and I’d like a disciplined environment. I believe only 80 or so students in NZ can go on the experience a year, so I’m very lucky to have been accepted! A friend of mine has applied for a few years and has never been accepted. I think entry is mostly to do with academic results. Anyhow I’ll hopefully get a good idea of what it is like to be part of the Defence Force and will be very interesting. I will be able to go to military establishments that the public aren’t allowed to go to, and there will be many challenges I will need to face! It'll be tough, but it'll be a great experience. I’m not allowed to contact anybody without going through a captain’s phone or get out of the ‘experience’ until the end, but if I don't post about it, then there is certainly something to worry about. I'm needing to get fitter before I start though, so I'll try my best to be posting every day now so that I am kept accountable for doing all the exercises.

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I'm grateful for whatsapp because I can now send voice messages for free to people overseas!

I'm grateful for the opportunity to see what it's like to be in the Defence Force.

I'm grateful to be one of the most well fed people on the planet. 

What went well today:

My meditation helped me to reduce my stress that seemed to come out of nowhere today.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I could have written out times to do the jobs I wanted done to day for better organisation.

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 82

Today has been ok for back to school on a Monday, although I know I could have done better. I skipped my morning run because I didn't feel up for it, but that impacted the rest of my day negatively as I found it difficult to focus in class due to drowsiness. I'm running tomorrow no matter what! I must make my running into a daily habit or else I'll be prone to skipping some like I did today. I did a run and many strength building exercises I need to do before the NZDF experience but I need to ideally do this in the morning.

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I'm grateful for the public playground where I can do pull ups.

I'm grateful for having a whiteboard on my desk.

I'm grateful for having less to carry in my bag today.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I could have gotten to sleep earlier (a repeating problem!) and ran in the morning to wake myself up.

What went well today:

My afternoon workout went smoothly, and I was glad I could almost meet the required number of pull ups in a row.

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Wow, the Defence Forces seems awesome! It sounds like you can get a lot out of it. :) 

Thank you! I think it will suit me well as I am a serious person who benefits from a disciplined approach to things. 

COngrats on being accepted! 10 days to go, so proud of you man :)

Thank you Cam for being here the whole way! I cannot express my gratitude for you founding and running Game Quitters, I doubt I'd have changed for the better otherwise.

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 85

Today has been a day off for me, and surprisingly has led me to want to do my daily activities and habits with much more discipline and vigor. Since I designated today to be for relaxing (it is a teacher only day at school), I didn't do any sort of meditation, running, or any other habit in the morning. I felt so out of whack and lazy during the day that I actually had a run in the afternoon despite it being a day off.

I also found a wonderful personality test that is creepily accurate and helped me identify why I behaved in certain ways and identify my own traits. The advice it offered was also helpful, but I enjoyed learning more about my perceived characteristics (which were almost entirely correct). I got ISTJ-T, the "Logistician". I also found its artwork very nice. Here is the website for whoever is interested: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

The good news is that I've jumped back onto the 100 day challenge! My previous attempt involved me trying to do python programming, guitar practice, and running daily. I have set out to do just a morning run and workout to do daily, but on second thoughts, I haven't been doing programming or playing the guitar very much so perhaps I should try to make those daily as well.

I sent a thank you letter today and hopefully will be received well. I also received the second ever mailed letter from my penpals! It wasn't as exciting as I had hoped but I am still grateful to have friends on other parts of the planet.

I'm pretty keen on getting back into doing more of my previous daily habits, as they provided me with stimulation, engagement, and other needs that gaming previously fulfilled. I'll add the headings so that I can fulfill them for my next journal post. I've also noticed that my integrity has dropped a little since I stopped having cold showers, so I'll be getting back into those. I think I'll aim to reply to one penpal per day, so that I'm not overwhelmed in the weekend; I'll add that as a new habit. It gives me a great sense of direction by setting myself all these tasks, so I'm glad to be back into serious self-development.

I think I'll also add a shout-out if I have time to keep myself accountable for looking after people in the GQ community by giving a shout out to one of the users here (likely new ones) that might need a little extra support.

I've gotta go to be now but I'm keeping these titles up for my next post for copying and pasting. I might answer the last ones in the morning for today.

Meditation

Visualisation

Morning run

Work out

Cold shower

Gratefulness letter

Guitar practice

Python programming

Penpal letter/email

Reading

Reflection

3 Things I'm grateful for:

One amazing thing that happened today:

What I could have done to make my day better:

What I will do differently tomorrow:

My shout-out today goes to:

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I like the new profile pic!

Thanks! I thought it was time for a change since my last one was taken about a year ago, and it's pretty unrealistic to see me in such formal clothing all the time :P

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 86

Today I got done the exercise I needed to, but it ended up being another 'lazy day' because I just didn't feel the need to do any work. That'll change tomorrow for certain though, I've got quite a few things written down that I'll need to do.

I've had some urges to play Terraria in the coming holidays because my twin brother is organising for  bunch of our old school friends to play a few days of it together, in our own home. It'll be very tough for me to resist such pressure to play, as I'll be asked and bothered to play with them from all directions. It is a game that I've been good at in the past, and the argument for playing is that it'd only last about 3 days. On the other hand, playing for these 3 days will undermine much of what I've done here and I may end up turning to more gaming for the holidays. This'll be something I need to think on but I'd appreciate any advice I can get.

Meditation

Done. I felt overly relaxed afterwards, which is good I guess.

Visualisation

I struggled with this as I no longer have any non-career long term goals that I'm set on right now. I'll make sure to define these in my talk with my new accountability partner tomorrow.

Morning run

Done. It was a tiring and good one though, I ran 2.4km in 12 minutes just, which is where I need to be for my military training right now, if not doing a little better.

Work out

I got all my working out done.

Cold shower

Yep, and I realise that my showering time has naturally extended more recently so having a cold shower will reduce this to a more practical time.

Gratefulness letter

I've ran out of time to do this today. No, more honestly, I didn't make time for it, I've had all the time in the world today!

Guitar practice

It hardly crossed my mind today, but I won't be able to play for the next week as I'm at the wrong house for it.

Python programming

Nope. I'm going to need to set solid work for this tomorrow.

Penpal letter/email

I sent a few today.

Reading

Didn't read last night, I'm up to late posting!

I'm going to bed now, it's 10pm and I need to get into proper sleeping habits again. Have a great day, reader!

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 87

Today ended up being unproductive, even though I got up to go for a run, I just couldn't muster the motivation to run properly. I think it had to do with my confusion in regards to playing Terraria with my old friends. I've been convinced to play just for the 2 or three days it has gone for, and if all goes well, I should be sick of it (like I normally would after a few days of binge gaming) and will be all the more motivated to pursue my ambitions. In the past I've had similar cycles of binge gaming for a week or so then doing well in school for the following 10 weeks, so perhaps what I need is a wake up call of sorts to see what it feels like to be fully wasting that time. I'll only decide on this fully closer to the time though, in the time being I need to focus on my school work as I've still got 3 weeks of schooling to go.

Meditation

Done I did a non-guided meditation this time, and it worked out pretty well as I was over-relaxed again.

Visualisation

My accountability partner couldn't call today so I didn't get to setting myself concrete goals. I guess I'll have to set these goals tomorrow, with or without him.

Morning run

Attempted, albeit half-heartedly as it was mostly a jog and walk.

Work out

I got my pull ups done, but didn't make time for the rest of it.

Cold shower

Forgot about that today. I gotta step it up tomorrow aye?

Gratefulness letter

Didn't make time for it today.

Python programming

After 50 minutes of attempted programming, I've realised I'm completely out of whack! I need to do some serious catching up to get back up to speed with my programming. All this time without doing much programming practice has led to me forgetting how to implement man features, so I'll need to practice.

Penpal letter/email

Done x2

Reading

Didn't read last night, but I have some time for it tonight.

Reflection

Today I haven't done anywhere near as well as I expected myself to, but I now know that I need to keep clear headed, physically exercised, and have clear goals that motivate  me.

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I am grateful for having the opportunity to spend time with my Dad to go fishing.

I am grateful for all the clean water I can have.

I am grateful for my amazing penpals who are very supportive.

One amazing thing that happened today:

Seeing Auckland from the ocean and spending time with my Dad fishing was a good experience, we don't do it often so it was a nice way to relax.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I could have ran harder today, and in general just be more decisive about what I'm wanting to do with my time.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I'll make sure to visualise some different goals I might like to pursue, and run hard in the morning. I'm needing to do 40 minutes so I'll make it an adventure!

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Hey Alex

Since you asked for advice regarding you playing with your friends I thought I could give you some advice. My opinion after reading some parts of your journal is that you should not play Terraria with your friends! This is your third attempt at the detox, which gives me a sense that you just like me can't simply play a little bit, then stop. You said yourself that "this will undermine much of what I have done and I may end up turning to more gaming for the holidays". If I were you I would look at your friends coming over as the exam for your continued absence from gaming, the really hard choice that will determine what kind of a person you are. I would also ask myself who wants to play Terraria, me or certain parts of my brain. Because your brain knows that playing Terraria for three days will release a ton of dopamine, and your brain loves that drug.

Just think about it with a clear head. You are well into your detox from gaming, where you have taken up new habits like meditation, programming, reading and so on. Right at this point you are very vulnerable, as the new habits are not pleasurable per se yet. Now you want to make the choice to go back to gaming for a few days, just to feel that sense of mastery, skill, social development and fun. Believe me, been there done that and I can tell you right now: it's not worth it. Imagine what you could achieve if you spent those three days programming in Python instead. You said you needed to practice right?

Anyway, best of luck and I hope things work out for you. I'm not trying to be a besserwisser, but rather just giving advice from one gamer to another.

Torleif

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After a good talk with my accountability partner, I've gotten back on track after realising a few things. I need to make my own choices according to my values, not according to or influenced by other people's wants for a better time gaming. If I played those three days of binge gaming, I'd likely be not very social and would be very likely to play more video games for the rest of the holiday period. Doing so is certainly not in line with my values of personal development and wanting to be the best I can be. I would certainly regret my decision to play the games, as I do almost every time. I'm not going to compromise my new lifestyle and development, however slow it may be, to waste it getting addicted to staring at a screen and spending time with people that will encourage me to do so even more.

I've decided to continue not playing video games, and to take the three days as a way to prove to myself that I am making the right choice. I'm going to brainstorm what I could do in that time I would have been playing Terraria in a moment, anything that develops my skills will be great.

Hey Alex

Since you asked for advice regarding you playing with your friends I thought I could give you some advice. My opinion after reading some parts of your journal is that you should not play Terraria with your friends! This is your third attempt at the detox, which gives me a sense that you just like me can't simply play a little bit, then stop. You said yourself that "this will undermine much of what I have done and I may end up turning to more gaming for the holidays". If I were you I would look at your friends coming over as the exam for your continued absence from gaming, the really hard choice that will determine what kind of a person you are. I would also ask myself who wants to play Terraria, me or certain parts of my brain. Because your brain knows that playing Terraria for three days will release a ton of dopamine, and your brain loves that drug.

Just think about it with a clear head. You are well into your detox from gaming, where you have taken up new habits like meditation, programming, reading and so on. Right at this point you are very vulnerable, as the new habits are not pleasurable per se yet. Now you want to make the choice to go back to gaming for a few days, just to feel that sense of mastery, skill, social development and fun. Believe me, been there done that and I can tell you right now: it's not worth it. Imagine what you could achieve if you spent those three days programming in Python instead. You said you needed to practice right?

Anyway, best of luck and I hope things work out for you. I'm not trying to be a besserwisser, but rather just giving advice from one gamer to another.

Torleif

Hi Torleif, thank you so much for the support! You're right about how it'll likely turn out, I'm almost guaranteed to have a fully fledged relapse after all that binge gaming. It would certainly undermine my current values and make me more dependent on gaming to fulfill many needs. I love the idea of taking it like an exam, it's inspired me to go out and do something ambitious and out of my comfort zone, I'm really going to make those three days count. I've certainly had cravings about Terraria recently, and could be as you said because my brain knows it will release a ton of dopamine. My recent 'research' on the Terraria wiki has alerted me to my addictive behaviours kicking in, so now is the best time to stop.

Thank you again for the support, I really appreciate your time to give me a wake-up call.

Alex, Man, it's your choice. So close, came so far, after those days fulfilled, What you want, go ahead? If you desire,

My choice is now to move forward in the real world, so thank you for that :)

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 88

Today has been wonderful, mostly because I made an important decision to kick out my uncertainties and thoughts about gaming in the next holidays in favor of doing something much better with my time. I had a great talk with my accountability partner, and it's really helped iron out many things for both of us.

I got a bit of work done, and helped out around the house, that's not too much to celebrate though.

I got all my exercise done today though, so that's a plus.

Meditation

Done.

Visualisation

Done.

Morning run

The 40 minutes today went well, and was funny as I passed by some groups of people several times as we were all doing different circuits.

Work out

Done!

Cold shower

I did a mid-way shower temperature, I think it might be the best way to keep me washing fast whilst not punishing myself in any way.

Gratefulness letter

Done through my last post.

Python programming

Nope. Grr.

Penpal letter/email

Done.

Reading

Done

Reflection

Time wise I could have managed my day better, but I still did pretty good to have some exercise breaks to keep myself active. I'm glad overall though as I've now saved myself three days I'd otherwise gaming!

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I am grateful for all my Easter chocolate.

I am grateful for my whiteboard which makes organisation all the easier.

I am grateful for good places to do chin ups in the nearby school.

One amazing thing that happened today:

Talking with my accountability partner today opened my eyes to what my real values were, and how gaming was not part of it at all. The support I've had today has been really inspirational, I feel like I'll be making even better use of my holidays than last time (which was very good).

What I could have done to make my day better:

I'm not actually sure what I could do better, I tried pretty hard to use my time well, I suppose I need to keep even more energised before settling down to work. 

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I should get in a little exercise before starting any homework I do tomorrow.

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Here is my post for yesterday:

90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 89

Today was a superb day, because I got lots of work done and was rather relaxed. I managed to knock off quite a bit of my homework and at the same time got lots of programming practice done.

90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 88

Today has been wonderful, mostly because I made an important decision to kick out my uncertainties and thoughts about gaming in the next holidays in favor of doing something much better with my time. I had a great talk with my accountability partner, and it's really helped iron out many things for both of us.

I got a bit of work done, and helped out around the house, that's not too much to celebrate though.

I got all my exercise done today though, so that's a plus.

Meditation

Done.

Visualisation

Done.

Morning run

I woke up very late so I ran in the afternoon.

Work out

I've done my chin-ups, but didn't make time to do the other workouts.

Cold shower

I must admit I did it just hot today, and as a result took me about 3 times as long to finish showering. I'll make sure to do it properly tomorrow!

Gratefulness letter

Nope

Python programming

I programmed a GUI for flash-card memorisation from scratch, and it was actually engaging and somewhat fun! Programming is surely one of the activities I should do more of, it is very beneficial to me and I find it fun.

Penpal letter/email

Done.

Reading

Done

Reflection

Today has been a great day, and I got a heap of work done despite not having organised it terribly well. I wish to do even better tomorrow!

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I am grateful for the amazing dinner I had.

I am grateful for living in a safe community.

I am grateful for having a room to myself to sleep in.

One amazing thing that happened today:

Programming today was rather fun as I was solving one puzzle after the next, all the while learning new features and functions that I can use. I was able to keep going at it with little breaks as it was a good challenge that kept me engaged. After completing the program, I can celebrate the work I've done; comparing this to playing video games where I might spend even more time, there wouldn't be anything to celebrate at the end of a gaming session other than regretting the time spent.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I could have gotten out earlier in the day to get my run done, as during the middle of the day it was too hot to put in too much effort. 

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will make sure to do a proper run in the morning, it'll help me stay alert for most of the day.

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90 Day Detox Attempt III Day 90

Today I've completed a great milestone in my journey to improving my lifestyle. My 90 day detox is over, but my journey to becoming the person I want to be has only just begun.

It's been a long journey for me, having made it on my 3rd detox attempt. I'll write a proper post to reflect on my journey when I find the time, hopefully tomorrow or definitely in the next few days.

I wasn't as productive yesterday, listening to music whilst trying to learn new things just doesn't work when focus is needed. On the bright side I got a good deal of python programming learning done, it was great to do some good old pure programming to solve practice problems, unlike the GUI work I've been doing recently.

Meditation

Done.

Visualisation

Nope. I'm going to go through Respawn again tonight (and will count as my reading the next few days) to get my personal goals sorted out.

Morning run

Done! I made sure to keep a good pace today, and it paid off.

Work out

All done!

Cold shower

Yep.

Gratefulness letter

Nope. I will write a list of people to thank so that this process is a lot easier and quicker.

Python programming

I programmed a GUI for flash-card memorisation from scratch, and it was actually engaging and somewhat fun! Programming is surely one of the activities I should do more of, it is very beneficial to me and I find it fun.

Penpal letter/email

Done.

Reading

Done

Reflection

Today has been alright in general, I didn't get as much done as I'd have liked but it wasn't a bad day in the least. I think I might skip reflection in future posts as I already reflect on my day in more detail through the other headings and the start of the post.

3 Things I'm grateful for:

I'm grateful for my Easter chocolate I still haven't exhausted yet.

I'm grateful for blu-tac.

I'm grateful for having such a well-bahaved dog.

One amazing thing that happened today:

I'd have to say that programming was again a highlight of the day, I used some of my older knowledge and worked speedy. Programming to find solutions to practice questions and to meet specifications really helps with providing purpose to what I'm doing in a good way.

What I could have done to make my day better:

I could have planned my day better, perhaps designating working and break times so that the work I do in those times will be flexible.

What I will do differently tomorrow:

I will write designated times to do work, making these times on the way home from school.

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