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Emergence from within


Zeeko
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Hey guys days 10 & 11,

I have been neglecting keeping a consistent journal, so I will start working on being more consistent with it. I still havent played games which is good. The difficulty is though that I am having difficulty finding ways to relax my brain. Theres so much going on at the moment with my law degree and it feels like every minute is needed. The medicine I am taking prevents me from doing any intense physical work outs and I have been doing the walks. But it doesnt quite feel like its enough. I still have tension in my temples that I usually get from too much mental exertion. Theres this balance of being efficient but also trying to relax and keep your mental energy flowing. I still havent managed to acquire that balance. I need to find some physical outlet but I honestly dont know what to do yet. I know there have been suggestions but time... bah! I need to get off this damn chair before I degrade into nothing with backproblems ahahaha

It does show however how much I relied on games and youtube to mentally numb myself. But this was not healthy and didnt truly relax me.

Cheers guys

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A nice relaxing activity I do is listen to Podcasts/audiobooks. It isn't physically engaging but can help you to shift your Focus away from your studies and doesn' take too much Focus. You can also do this while doing some housework if you want to be super efficient. Another Thing you could try out would be yoga/Meditation. For yoga it is best to go to a Group or to search for some beginners Videos on YouTube and follow along. For Meditation I would advice you to use the free Trial of headspace (guided meditation)  

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Day 12 - Going well and trying to maintain efficiency, am going to try and do what WorkinProgress suggested with audio books and mediation and see if that helps with keep my focus levels up between work sessions. Just over week until I go to Mexico so this will be the most busiest part and I hope I can keep myself together.

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You're very close to two weeks! Congratulations!

For physical excercise, I'd recommend balroom dancing, but it can be quite pricey, depending on where you are. Swing, Salsa, Bolero, Tango, Zouk, the list goes on. Of course, it is not something you can do at home (unless you have enough space and a partner), so you would have to have a class near you.

You are kind of good looking, the ladies would be pleased to be your partner :)

Good luck in Mexico!

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Day 13 - Hey guys the meditation seems to be working rather well as short breaks. Its a good way to relax before I start doing proper physical exercise. Not much to report as I have been going rather well and Mexico is around the corner next friday for me . Thank you for all the advice thus far I am sure to keep going as this detox, despite being in the middle of alot of stuff, is giving such a huge benefit.

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Day 13 - Hey guys the meditation seems to be working rather well as short breaks. Its a good way to relax before I start doing proper physical exercise. Not much to report as I have been going rather well and Mexico is around the corner next friday for me . Thank you for all the advice thus far I am sure to keep going as this detox, despite being in the middle of alot of stuff, is giving such a huge benefit.

Nice to hear!

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Day 14 - Well well, two weeks without gaming. In one sense its really a great achievement for me while at the same time... its minute in comparison to what I am aiming for. It changes perspective and really makes one think again about their life without any games in it...

Thank you to everyone who has given me encouragement thus far and given lots of great suggestions! I am very grateful and its all had a positive impact in my experience. Youtube is difficult to control but I am getting better and thats what matters.

Heres to keeping on the road forward

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Days 15 & 16 - hey guys, I am going crazy with preparing for my Mexico trip that I am starting in a couple of days! I am so excited to see a little bit more of the world without the use of a screen. I almost relapsed with creating another steam account yesterday because of the huge amount of stress i've been going through to keep myself on top of things but I barely managed to stave myself off.

Once this Mexico trip is finished i'll be able to start focusing on other less stressful things that will help.

Again sorry for the lack of consistency, that will improve too once Mexico lays behind me!

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  • 2 months later...

Dear fellow travelers,

I failed.

I failed rather miserably.

I got back from Mexico after one of the most bitter experiences of my life. So much preparation which ended in failure. We competed in this competition and we were clearly the better teams but to put it simply we got screwed over by politics. In response, I lost my willpower. I relapsed to games. I made a new steam account, bought overwatch and been playing games hard. I just suddenly realised it when my father pretty much indirectly confronted me about it. He told me my potential was going to be wasted at this rate. Quite frankly he is right. The worst fate in my opinion is to do the wrong thing while fully aware of all the right advice as to why you should not be doing it.

So first attempt for my detox ended in failure.

I realize something. I want to study and do well but there are things which must be done before I can do it. Its not a simple matter of just sitting down and studying all day every day. You have needs which must be fulfilled. People, fun and purpose. I was not satisfying my other needs, instead I like so many others relied so hard on games as a crutch. A quick fix. My brain feels numb while I play. I hate this feeling of dis empowerment and hopelessness and I feel like a good for nothing.

Youtube and games proved too hardwired to my habits that I felt so strained while not doing them.

This needs to change!

I need to try my detox again, and I need to succeed if I am going to succeed in life. I am so sorry for those  I let down, and myself for letting myself down. But I realise its not the start of the detox thats difficult for me, its down the track it gets hard. Also I absolutely need to find other outlets. I am on holidays now and will try my best...

SO! Here is to attempt #2.

 

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Thank you for the welcome back Cam, always appreciated

Day 2:

Firstly I must apoloigise for the deeply melancholic post yesterday, strong feelings of disappointment were attached.

I have uninstalled everything again and working up the nerve to permanently delete (above from uninstalling) the steam account. I remember why I am doing this though, because I listened to a Sam Harris podcast about the cosmos. All this knowledge I have missed out on, confining myself to the confines of a computer screen. I also went to the gym today and its a great outlet for my frustration and its good to get out of the house.

Will keep you all updated tomorrow, it feels good to be back and trying again.

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Day 3:

The start is incredibly difficult. In a way one of the biggest issues for me at the moment is the lack of a social circle to satisfy that particular need. I will have to look into other things but it always feels like there isn't enough time or there is something stopping me. I know this is not the difficult part so I am bracing myself for it. I am thinking about downloading programmes that can block other websites like youtube. When I want to youtube but I stop myself, i get this empty tight feeling, I suppose that is the strength of deeply ingrained habits.

I am chugging on and will continue to do so

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Day 4: Went to the gym with my friend today and also went for an interview for some work experience so it was a pretty fulfilled day. Feel so exhausted when I come back from the gym so its hard to push back against the temptation to watch youtube videos. Its almost like binging because you feel your mind numbed while you are doing it. Going okay though, havent played games, still feels difficult but I am hanging in there. Will check out meet ups :))

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Day 5: Spent the day studying today. Not for any particular subject but for writing because I want to improve my skills. I downloaded Self-control to block youtube and facebook and it works really well and even stops those habitual surfs when I dont even mean it. I feel that alot of the youtube starts unintentionally, like I just go to the website without really thinking about it. Because now that I cant with selfcontrol, I just immediately go back to what I was doing before. I do find it gets difficult at around 6:00pm just before dinner because that it usually the time I tend to relax. Still, game free and seem to be improving with the youtubing.

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Day 6: Similar to yesterday, getting into a routine now. I activate self-control at the beginning of the day and then start on my daily tasks for the day, its pretty rough when there is literally not much to do. So I am making up stuff to do. I went to the gym later morning but will have to start doing that earlier morning because I usually end up pretty exhausted afterwards. Doing good though in my opinion and I swear i didnt realise how ingrained these habits were. Years worth is hard to undo so I am trying my best.

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Day 7 & 8: going strong, I went to a conference yesterday on the legal history of Australia which I personally find very interesting. I am slowly discovering the needs that I need to fill up in place of video games and how to fulfill those needs. I am going well all in all. But as said it is one day at a time and that can change drastically, which I discovered on my previous try. Most importantly, and I suppose I should've realised this, is that I have a self-ingrained habit or a fear of doing things that potentially involve interacting with strangers. I realise that I always convince myself that I am going to end up despising every social event I go to. Then because I convince myself before I go, I end up caryying it out when I actually go. So I broke through this habit yesterday and I made a decent friend during an afternoon break. He was a complete stranger but we got on well and it was because I deliberately made the effort to try and talk to him. I CAN socialise, for years I believed I couldnt.

Heres to more in the future :)

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Nice move by going talk to him!

Yes you can socialize! I was very shy until I turned 15 years old and now I want to become an actor. I'd say that talking to someone you don't know is the best way to improve, because it's basically the only way you can make friends. They were all strangers at some point.

Keep on!

-Phil

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Day 9:

Had a good day in terms of gaming today, no gaming and I spent the majority of the day hanging out with a couple of friends of mine. I got a bit depressed because i ate something with gluten (I am a coeliac) and that tends to encourage general laziness. I realise I have had few positive things to note as of yet, but I think slowly but surely, I am coming together.

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