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Rusaw's Journal


Rusaw
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Day 1 July 2, 2016

     My family members decided to drag me out of the house to go celebrate the Fourth of July weekend with them in Fort Myers Florida as well as to attend my younger brothers baseball tournament. Only problem is half way down there I began realized that I had some homework due and couldn't attend his game. So I spent the whole day once we arrived at the house we were renting unpacking and doing homework.

Day 2 July 3, 2016

     Began having cravings for video games once I woke up. So instead of getting up that day I spent the whole day sleeping and eating to avoid playing the mmo's on my laptop.

Day 3 July 4, 2016

     The cravings I had yesterday stopped so I decided to get on my laptop and uninstall all the mmo's on it. Then I did some more homework that I neglected to do yesterday and finished all of it until next week. Later that day me and my family went out to celebrate the fourth of July at an event called Red White and Boom! Took my niece and two of my nephew's to play in the bounce houses for awhile.

Day 4 July 5, 2016

     Decided to watch some Netflix that morning since I didn't go to my younger brothers baseball game. Later that day when he returned from his game he went outside to fish after he cooled off. I got pretty bored of watching Netflix after a while so I went outside to fish with him we didn't talk much and we didn't catch anything either. But I enjoyed spending time with my younger brother for a change.

Day 5 July 6, 2016

     Celebrated my youngest nephew's 4th birthday and later went to the movies to let him and the others see Finding Dory. I also started socializing more with my family members again which is something I haven't done in a few years.

Day 6 July 7, 2016

     Went for a boat ride with my younger brother and my grandpa and did some more fishing.

Day 7 July 8, 2016

     Browsed music video's on YouTube and annoyed some of my family members with the foreign music since I left my head phones back home. I also decided I wanted to learn a foreign language just couldn't decide which one. 

Day 8 July 9, 2016

     Finally decided to go and support my younger brother at his baseball tournament. Then later we went swimming to cool down.

Day 9 July 10, 2016

     Decided to start working on my homework again to go ahead and get it out of the way so didn't get to go to my younger brothers game today. His team didn't win but they did come in third place out of 126 different teams. So we packed up our stuff and went back home.

Day 10 July 11, 2016

     Had an appointment with my therapist today at 2 p.m. we talked a bit about my gaming addiction and I mentioned to him that it was causing me to fall behind in some of my classes or at least causing my grades to fall a bit. I also had to stay up until midnight to sign up for my Fall classes.

Day 11 July 12, 2016

     Finally decided join this website today although I slept most of the day due to having to stay up until midnight yesterday so I've only been awake for 3 hours. But still glad I signed up I just hope I can keep this up I think I can pull it off haven't had a craving in few days now. I just hope I can figure out something to do before I start having cravings again and I mean something besides homework. I'm seriously about to lose my mind from all this homework I've been doing and need to find something else to do before I relapse. I wonder if my younger brother is free since he has no baseball games to play right now maybe he'll want to go play paintball. I would go alone but I have social anxiety especially when it comes to talking to people I don't know in real life. But I found its easier to socialize with new people in real life when I'm with someone I know. 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello!

I see, you did a great job on your way to become game free!

Keep it up!

Ah, and by the way I think you should try to do at least one small thing you're scared of to break your social anxiety.

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist.

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Day 12 July 13, 2016

     Downloaded duolingo today and started learning some Russian right now I'm at rank 5 with the Russian language. After spending hours learning Russian I started watching some of Cam's YouTube videos. While watching I began to think of the things that I want to do with my life. One thing that I want to do is continue learning the Russian language and maybe do some traveling to Russia at some point in time as well as visit many other countries once I'm finished with college. Or maybe I'll study abroad during my last 2 years in college (which that does seem like fun I hope I'll have the chance to do that one day). The second thing I want to do is go and find a job (but I hope I can one day become a college history teacher that's the job I really want). I also want to go out and socialize more in real life which my social skills in real life is definitely something I need to improve on so for now my main goal is to socialize.   

 

 

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Day 12 July 13, 2016

     Downloaded duolingo today and started learning some Russian right now I'm at rank 5 with the Russian language. After spending hours learning Russian I started watching some of Cam's YouTube videos. While watching I began to think of the things that I want to do with my life. One thing that I want to do is continue learning the Russian language and maybe do some traveling to Russia at some point in time as well as visit many other countries once I'm finished with college. Or maybe I'll study abroad during my last 2 years in college (which that does seem like fun I hope I'll have the chance to do that one day). The second thing I want to do is go and find a job (but I hope I can one day become a college history teacher that's the job I really want). I also want to go out and socialize more in real life which my social skills in real life is definitely something I need to improve on so for now my main goal is to socialize.   

Love this! Stoked to see that my videos inspired you to think more about what you want out of life. :D

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Day 13 July 14, 2016

     Had a weird dream of me playing video games last night luckily it was a dream but it seemed so real is that normal? Anyway I after waking up I began digging through my old files on my laptop and I came across some of my old stories I wrote for my creative writing teacher. While rereading them I finally understood what he meant by showing the reader what is happening in the story instead of just telling them and to be honest that was the only criticism I had from him during my time in his class. Over all though I do remember him and the other students praising my stories, my characters development thoughout the course of the story, and finally how my characters interacted with one another in the story. However, I just figured out what he meant by show don't tell. So I started rewriting both of my Star Wars fanfic's the first one  titled "Rusaw's Revenge" (Which is how I chose my username for this website :D) and my sequel to it titled "Legion's Incident". I would like to publish these stories on wattpad.com but I can't draw for shit and I need some cover art to add to it before I publish them. However, I don't see myself publishing them anytime soon due to having to rewrite both of them.

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Day 14 July 15, 2016

     I'm starting to develop a desire for other activities instead of gaming. For instance today I went swimming in the community pool although this time my niece and nephews tagged along so I spent most of my time down there making sure they didn't drown instead of socializing like I planned the night before. Once we got done swimming we all went back to my mom's house to rest (well they did I decided to study some more Russian and search for jobs on my phone). Before I left to go back to my house I grabbed all my paintball gear that I left at my mom's house the day I moved out. Once I got back home I decided to relax by working on my revised Star Wars fanfic's some more I may post a chapter or two of it on here once it's finished to see what you guy's think of it so far and if I manage to publish them on wattpad.com I'd leave a link to where you could read the whole story if you'd like.  

 

 

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When you have desire for other activities, that's the point, where your detox gets a bit easier.

However, you must stay aware and keep going just like you did for last 14 days!

Greetings, Mad Pharmacist

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Day 15 July 16, 2016

     Had a pretty good day so far I woke up ate breakfast did two essay's for college and turned them in did some reading studied some Russian. Now I noticed I'm starting to get bored of some of the activities I've chosen to do and its only a matter of time before I get bored of the rest of them and relapse. However, most of the activities I chose are indoor activities (excluding swimming and paintball). But I need to find another outdoor activity I can do to get me out of the house. I'm thinking about getting a season pass to universal studios as well as the other theme parks down here in Florida. I also plan on stopping by the college to see if they are offering dance class like they did last year I honestly regret not signing up for it last year.

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Yep exactly. The key skill you're developing after you quit is to ADAPT. If you're finding some activities to be boring, the next step is to find a few new ones to try just like you did. Keep it up :)

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Day 16 July 17, 2016

     Downloaded the 60+ hobby ideas today and found some new outdoor activities I'd like to try such as geocaching and visiting museums more often. Speaking of museums there are a lot of museums that I want to visit here in Florida such as Dade Battlefield and The museum of military history. I also went to the 9/11 memorial museum back when I visited New York a year ago. I hope I can get back into paintball and be as passionate about it as I was with gaming I also hope I can get better at the sport and start a team that way I could play in those paintball tournaments. But before I do that I need to hone my skills since I already have the gear well most of it except the air tank, pods or a repair kit I really need to get one of those I wouldn't want my paintball gun getting jammed or broken and not having anyway to fix it. 

 

 

Edited by Rusaw
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Day 17 July 18, 2016

     Wow! I'm sorta shocked that I'm 17 days game free. I say this because I normally give in to my cravings at this point but I didn't and I'm glad. Also I was recently put into a group by my science teacher so I'm gonna use this opportunity to socialize and hopefully make a new friend.

So for now my goal's are

  • Find a new language I want to experiment with before I fully commit to one language.
  • Find new books to read.
  • Focus more on my school work.
  • Get some exercise.
  • And finally attempt to become friends with my lab partner.

Although, my lab partner for this group project is a girl and I don't want her to assume I'm trying ask her out after starting a conversation that's unrelated to the project we are working on together (that's if my social anxiety doesn't get the better of me at that point) I seriously just want to be friends with her.  

 

 

 

 

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Just one little thing to get out of your comfort zone. Each day. And social anxiety will be crushed.

Even saying hello to a complete stranger on this streets. Takes 2 seconds each day, but after a week of doing this you will surely improve your social skills and weaken you anxiety! :)

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Day 18 July 19, 2016

     I did some meditating today and began reflecting on my past. One reason for doing this is before I started my detox I asked myself why I wanted to quit gaming I just didn't ask myself why I started gaming in the first place. Once I asked the question though while meditating it came rushing back although these were memories that I've been suppressing for years and used gaming as a tool to help me suppress the bad experiences. So anyway I started gaming because of bullying by both students and teachers at the age of five which is how old I was when I became addicted to video games. The bullying continued for years at least until I moved to Florida and went to a private school which is when all of it stopped. So now I understand why I started gaming in the first place I also realize that up until I started my detox that I was just running away from the problems I faced instead of coming to terms with the past experiences. Also my goals are pretty much the same as before but today I've only managed to accomplish focusing on homework and experimenting with new languages. Oh! and meditating (will probably make meditating a daily thing before I start my day). By the way do any of you guys have any book recommendations? 

 

 

Edited by Rusaw
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What's the matter with Spanish?

Nothing is wrong with Spanish its actually one of the many languages I want to learn I just can't decide which one I want to focus on right now since I have a growing desire to do something very similar to what Cam does which is travel to all these cool and exotic location's all over the world. Which my growing desire to travel is also fueling my desire to learn these new languages. However, I'm still not so sure I'd want to travel so far away from my home country just yet so once I get the chance to do some traveling I might take a trip to either Canada, Mexico or South America. So as for right now though I'm just experimenting with foreign languages at random just until I find one that I like the most once I find it then I'll fully commit to learning it but for now I'm just experimenting.

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The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson is one of the best to read first. The Power of Habit by Charlie Duhigg is also recommended. Gorilla Mindset by Mike Cernovich as well.

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I see.

If you want to choose a language to study, I believe you should learn a little bit about the culture of the people who speak it. If you find something you can relate or be interested in, you would definitely enjoy and have use for the language you picked! Spanish is a beautiful language (It is my next, after Japanese) and I heard you guys study it at school, so you should have some background on it. But it is your decision anyway! If you have the chance, I also recommend studying abroad for some time!

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Day 19 July 20, 2016

     Okay today went well I guess I couldn't really do much outside since it was storming most of the day. But at least I did get some exercise and fresh air I also did some more reading and I see I got some book recommendations so I'll check those out. The homework for my music class for this week is now finished so I can focus on my group project for my science teacher which is good because I've got until Sunday to finish it and I don't want to disappoint my lab partner on this one.   

 

 

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