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Time to fix what is broken


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Hi I'm Mark I am in my early forties so very much an old-timer here. I'm originally from the UK but have lived in Australia for the past 5 years. I have played videogames since the 80s and for the most part my gaming wasn't a problem. However in October of 2014 I was made redundant and that triggered an obsession with Destiny that has severely damaged my relationship with my wife of almost 11 years and my 3 kids. As ashamed as I am to admit it , Destiny took over my life and nothing else seemed to matter. My wife/kids/job/hobbies and interests all became secondary to Destiny. If I wasn't playing I would be reading Reddit about it or listening to a podcast about it or failing that watching others play on Twitch.

Recently things finally came to a head with my wife and she explained the seriousness of our situation. Despite her telling me numerous times over the past 18 months that I was not functioning as a member of our family somehow failed to listen. A week ago I stopped playing my Xbox and more importantly I quit playing Destiny.  Hopefully I can  fix the damaged relationship I have with my wonderful wife and kids and re-establish myself in the real world. I am so ashamed that I've let things get to where they have. How could someone my age with a decent education and job allow this to happen? I take full responsibility for  being in the situation I am in, and I am 100% committed to winning my wife back and making my kids proud of their dad.

 

 

 

 

 

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Talk with your wife and explain her your problem, tell her that you want to change but need her support. If you see that there is a problem with certain game, maybe it's time to sell it. I would advice to take this action with your wife, so she would see that you would abandon everything for her and kids. What's more important, don't give up. It's worth it.

Greetings :)

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Hi welcome to the forum,

to realize you have problem is one of the hardest and most important steps. Good job on that.

It can help a lot to write a daily diary here where you can reflect about the things going through your mind, getting feedback and of course boast of your achievements(important to strengthen positive behaviours/because it is awesome).  If you need any help or advice just ask in your journal or at another place in the forum and we will answer you as helpful as possible.

As first step I would advice you to put some barriers between you and that special gaming content. If you use firefox you could use leechblock to block  sites which mention the word destiny. Especially at the start of your detox it is important to make it as easy as possible for you.

Best regards

Mario

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Hey Mark! Welcome to the forum. We have other members from the UK and Australia so you'll find many likeminded people here. This is a turning point for you.

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Hi Mark welcome to the forum! Great job on taking the first step and detaching yourself from your Xbox and Destiny.

I agree with what @Piotr said. Sit down with your wife and explain what your trying to do and gain her support. It's always easier knowing that she will have your corner. :)

Also don't beat yourself up too bad, it happens to everyone, whether it's food, gaming, drugs or alcohol we all have our drug that we use to detach from reality. Sometimes they can overshadow our daily lives and become too much to handle.

All the best and don't forget to start your journal :)

 

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I too neglected my family & responsibilities for games. I missed a lot & the guilt & shame can hit hard. Accept your not perfect, learn why you derailed & DO Not attack yourself. Save that energy for what you want. I agree with the others to tell your wife your quitting & what is hard easy whatever. It's not like she does not know you had a game problem. You have been gone - not them & they saw it. It's a sign she has hope that she is telling you her feelings. My biggest support has been my family. Anxious- let's walk. Stress attack - lets do a puzzle etc walk into stores with gaming triggers - walk back out. Everyday - I tell my hubby it's day x of detox & its day x of a better life for us. You got this!

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Hi thanks for all the kind words and advice guys, its very much appreciated. I've sat down with my wife and discussed the addictive nature of gaming. We are making some progress in the right direction although there is a very long road ahead. I've found it easy to stop playing because what I'm at risk of losing,  my wife & kids, have so much more value than what I am giving up. My focus now is on building back those vital relationships and getting my mind and body straight.

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