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Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"


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Posted (edited)

Fri 10.11 (part 2)

I ended up busier than I thought I'd be after my appointment. Stopped by a chip nuts warehouse that has a shop built in, located right across the street from the clinic. Since the warehouse sells directly, they are super cheap, like 2 dollars per bag cheap. For reference, there is a bar down the street from where I live that sells them for 7 bucks each! So yeah, my wife and I stocked up after my appointment.

self assessment - 7 Habits workbook

I've attached the images of my self assessment to this post. I did ask my wife for feedback. She does recognize that I still have work to do, but she also thought that I was too hard on myself on a few of them. So this is the result after her feedback.

Screenshot_20241011_201212_Kindle.jpg

Screenshot_20241011_201229_Kindle.jpg

Add up the scores in each section, and that gives me a score on how aligned I am to the 7 Habits. My total scores on a scale from Very Poor (3~5), Poor (6~8), Fair (9~11), Good (12~14), Very Good (15~17) and Outstanding (18) were:

  • Emotional Bank Account - 14 (Good)
  • P/PC Balance - 12 (Good)
  • Habit 1: Be Proactive - 11 (Fair)
  • Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind - 12 (Good)
  • Habit 3: Put First Things First - 12 (Good)
  • Habit 4: Think Win-Win - 15 (Very Good)
  • Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood - 14 (Good)
  • Habit 6: Synergize - 16 (Very Good)
  • Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw - 17 (Very Good)

From the book:

Quote

A Habit is the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge is the what to do and the why. Skill is the how to do. Desire is the motivation - the want to do. All three of these things must come together in order to make a habit.

My best habit is 7, Sharpen the Saw. This one is tied to continuous improvement in the "four basic areas of life"; physical, social/emotional, mental and spiritual.

I want to have greater control on my life without letting my impulses determine my actions, so that (why) I can grow as a more successful, productive and healthy individual for myself, my family, my job and my volunteer communities.

To do that, I need to keep doing the "things I must do every day to stay healthy" list, practicing the 7 Habits, and continue leaning on my Top Lines to help me abstain from my Bottom and Middle lines.

My worst habit is Habit 1: Be Proactive. Well, not surprisingly. But I am working on not interrupting others, and not letting my moods turn into a blame game against others and my current circumstances. I've made some progress this past week, which I have journaled about in my past few entries.

I want to be a more proactive individual rather than a reactive one, so that (why) I can show I'm an active listener, take responsibility for my own choices, and feel better in control of my life.

To do that, I need to take responsibility for my moods and emotions, and not let them control my actions. Here are some ideas:

  1. Continue to ground myself when I start feeling stressed or overwhelmed so that I don't blow like a teapot.
  2. Use guided meditation to help with processing emotions before they happen, not just when I sense them; I should make this a more regular daily habit.
  3. Admit my mistakes promptly if I do blow up reactively or assume, understand my mistake, and learn from it by reflecting on it and coming up with strategies to ground myself.

----------------------------------------------

I gotta say... that was really satisfying to work through. This is a post I'm going to bookmark for myself, because the last 3 items there are actions I can take.

Seriously folks, give the 7 Habits book + workbook a try if you haven't yet.

For tomorrow, which is a weekend: I'll continue with the next set of questions on what is called "The Maturity Continuum."

Edited by D_Cozy
following exercises
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Posted (edited)

Sat 10.12 (part 1)

  • No compulsive social media use - 10 days
  • No compulsive research - 10 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 14 days

This first post today will be either edited later or I'll make a new post with "things I must do to stay healthy" and my workbook exercises.

For now, I just read this really insightful thing in the book that I wanted to share my thoughts on right away.

Update: I ended up including my workbook exercises below the quote here.

The 7 Habits - Maturity Continuum

 Dependence → Independence → Interdependence.

  • Dependence: "you" — you take care of me.
  • Independence: "I" — I am self reliant.
  • Interdependence: "we" —>we can do it.

I like the way that Stephen R. Covey thinks and explains himself. Yeah I suppose it is true thinking about it... independence tends to be the avowed goal of many people, but being able to lean on each other – to combine our talents and abilities to create something greater than what we could accomplish alone – requires that we take a step ahead of doing things just by ourselves.

Not that independence is bad, he recognizes, instead he argues that it is a step in the journey, not the end goal.

The exercise this time is to reflect on which Habit I need the most focus on.

Given my score. It shows that I am still dependent, understanding some of the concepts of both independence and interdependence. I am quite capable of collaboration and I tend to be more comfortable working when I have someone else keeping me either accountable or who I can lean on. This isn't a bad thing necessarily. But I do struggle working independently. So this leads me to believe that I understand interdependence well, but my reliance also makes me be more dependent than I'd like to be. So it is no wonder that I have to work on the first 3 Habits the most (1, 2, and 3). These are the ones which work on independence: the next 3 (4, 5, and 6) work on interdependence.

‐--------

More to come later, with my things I must do and the next workbook exercises (next is the Private Victory exercises). Happy weekend!

Edited by D_Cozy
Workbook exercises
Posted

 Sat 10.12  (Part 2)

The rest of my day was quite well spent with my family; I brought my kids to the park (the older ones) and we all had fun playing in the swings and slides. We went over to my in-laws for an early Canadian Thanksgiving dinner. I did get reactive towards my kids today: they bumped over the dog bowls while the dogs were eating, and food spilt everywhere. It is so hard in the moment to remember to take a few deep breaths! what I did do right, though, was go ask my wife if I could take 10 minutes to go and meditate. After doing that I was much more calm and promptly apologized, as well as mentioning how I can avoid that outburst by paying attention to my breathing (it tends to get heavier when I am upset).

Sad news as well: My wife's great uncle passed away today. He is one of the few people from her moms side of the family who came to our wedding, and I will miss his kindness.

Things must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, I went to bed to after 11pm but woke up at 7am, since it is a weekend.

Stretch - yes, right after waking up

Go for walks / Exercise - yes, not at gym but by pulling two kids on a wagon to the park and back home.

Drink Water - yes, lots throughout the day, specially after the walk.

Wash face + body - yes, after I was able to remove my ECG. Ripping off the monitors... that physically hurt lol. I go give it back Tuesday, because long weekend.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, apple muffins and yogurt
  • lunch - yes, tuna pasta salad
  • dinner - yes, Thanksgiving meal

Talk to my partner - yes. I took the kids and let her sleep in this morning, then after getting back from the park, and throughout the day.

Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, and I'll handle future incidents better

Read a book - yes, 7 Habits workbook

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, although I gotta commit to do this not just when I'm feeling stress or afterwards. Making a note of it.

Practice French - yes, morning and night

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - here is my 2nd part completed 🙂

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Posted

Sun 10.13

  • No compulsive social media use - 11 days
  • No compulsive research - 11 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 15 days

It was a packed day today. My inlaws went up north to where my wife's great uncle passed away, so her and I helped out with letting their dogs out (me taking care of the kids). We went shopping in between before tomorrow's stat holiday, went to pick up some winter clothes on sale and some new books (mostly for the kids). I got a William Gibson book which I have not read yet.

As usual I've been practicing the 7 Habits. I'm getting a bit better each day working at breathing and meditating, today I made a good habit of deep breathing this morning, and later listening to my body throughout the day. I think this helped me a lot today; Because my 2 older kids were being a lot when we were shopping for clothes, and I did not lose my cool at them. Instead, I calmly explained to them that it's not okay to run around inside a store, then after they had acknowledged me, I got them excited with the idea of getting books. Later they were both better at the bookstore.

Things must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, I went to bed at 10:30pm and this time woke up at 7:30am. Great sleep overall.

Stretch - yes, right after waking up and after getting out of the car from driving around.

Go for walks / Exercise - brought my dogs out for a walk and went shopping places with kids today... which is basically cardio.

Drink Water - yes, although I did kick myself in the afternoon forgetting my water bottle during the shopping trip. I should drink more during the morning.

Wash face + body - yes, midday

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, a bit late at 11am but it was an omelet. Made 1 for everyone
  • lunch - yes, leftovers
  • dinner - yes, turkey burgers and fries

Talk to my partner - yes, she is excited for Christmas already as she is already done most of her shopping. She starts very early in the year. I however, have yet to start. Usually I wait for black Friday sales.

Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, it was fun browsing for books with them. Also I enjoyed playing with them while my wife was taking care of her parent's dogs.

Read a book - yes, a bit of the 7 Habits workbook

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, although I gotta commit to do meditation in the mornings too if possible. I know it's not always realistic with dogs to bring out, kids to dress, breakfast to make, etc. But I don't even think about doing it some days. I'll make a calendar reminder.

Practice French - yes, just at night today.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - here is my Sunday entry 🙂

-----

Part II; Private Victories - Habit 1; Be Proactive

Think of two or three situations in your personal life during the past few weeks when you have responded in a reactive way. Describe what you said.

  1. First I can think of is one which I shared yesterday. Where I raised my voice and remember thinking "I have to take 10 minutes" to practice my meditation.
  2. The second one that I think of would be the one about a week back, where I was taking care of all 3 kids, this being on my 3rd day off social media. I reacted by saying something along the lines of "I can't do all these things by myself" or something like that.

Now think of some proactive responses you might have used in the same situations. Write them down in the spaces below.

  1. As I reflected, I think it would be better to prevent said situations from happening in the first place by me paying attention to my breath. But also, if I do get close to that point again, I can instead say something like "I want to take a few minutes"
  2. I do remember saying the "I can't" part, so I should really focus on the things I can do instead. That would be how I can keep working at my proactivity. For instance, I can instead say "I will be doing one thing at a time" and that conveys the same message in a less aggressive tone and manner. Which is actually something that I think I did well earlier today while my kids were going crazy at the clothes shop (growth!)

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive?

So this is a question I'll have to be alert with in the next week. Good thing I'm journaling!

---

I'm getting tired now, so I'll continue tomorrow. Good luck everyone!

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Posted
22 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Sun 10.13

  • No compulsive social media use - 11 days
  • No compulsive research - 11 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 15 days

It was a packed day today. My inlaws went up north to where my wife's great uncle passed away, so her and I helped out with letting their dogs out (me taking care of the kids). We went shopping in between before tomorrow's stat holiday, went to pick up some winter clothes on sale and some new books (mostly for the kids). I got a William Gibson book which I have not read yet.

As usual I've been practicing the 7 Habits. I'm getting a bit better each day working at breathing and meditating, today I made a good habit of deep breathing this morning, and later listening to my body throughout the day. I think this helped me a lot today; Because my 2 older kids were being a lot when we were shopping for clothes, and I did not lose my cool at them. Instead, I calmly explained to them that it's not okay to run around inside a store, then after they had acknowledged me, I got them excited with the idea of getting books. Later they were both better at the bookstore.

Things must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, I went to bed at 10:30pm and this time woke up at 7:30am. Great sleep overall.

Stretch - yes, right after waking up and after getting out of the car from driving around.

Go for walks / Exercise - brought my dogs out for a walk and went shopping places with kids today... which is basically cardio.

Drink Water - yes, although I did kick myself in the afternoon forgetting my water bottle during the shopping trip. I should drink more during the morning.

Wash face + body - yes, midday

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, a bit late at 11am but it was an omelet. Made 1 for everyone
  • lunch - yes, leftovers
  • dinner - yes, turkey burgers and fries

Talk to my partner - yes, she is excited for Christmas already as she is already done most of her shopping. She starts very early in the year. I however, have yet to start. Usually I wait for black Friday sales.

Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, it was fun browsing for books with them. Also I enjoyed playing with them while my wife was taking care of her parent's dogs.

Read a book - yes, a bit of the 7 Habits workbook

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, although I gotta commit to do meditation in the mornings too if possible. I know it's not always realistic with dogs to bring out, kids to dress, breakfast to make, etc. But I don't even think about doing it some days. I'll make a calendar reminder.

Practice French - yes, just at night today.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - here is my Sunday entry 🙂

-----

Part II; Private Victories - Habit 1; Be Proactive

Think of two or three situations in your personal life during the past few weeks when you have responded in a reactive way. Describe what you said.

  1. First I can think of is one which I shared yesterday. Where I raised my voice and remember thinking "I have to take 10 minutes" to practice my meditation.
  2. The second one that I think of would be the one about a week back, where I was taking care of all 3 kids, this being on my 3rd day off social media. I reacted by saying something along the lines of "I can't do all these things by myself" or something like that.

Now think of some proactive responses you might have used in the same situations. Write them down in the spaces below.

  1. As I reflected, I think it would be better to prevent said situations from happening in the first place by me paying attention to my breath. But also, if I do get close to that point again, I can instead say something like "I want to take a few minutes"
  2. I do remember saying the "I can't" part, so I should really focus on the things I can do instead. That would be how I can keep working at my proactivity. For instance, I can instead say "I will be doing one thing at a time" and that conveys the same message in a less aggressive tone and manner. Which is actually something that I think I did well earlier today while my kids were going crazy at the clothes shop (growth!)

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive?

So this is a question I'll have to be alert with in the next week. Good thing I'm journaling!

---

I'm getting tired now, so I'll continue tomorrow. Good luck everyone!

Thanks for sharing it. I like that you have put some time aside for everything in your life. well balanced 🙂

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Posted (edited)

Mon 10.14

  • No compulsive social media use - 12 days
  • No compulsive research - 12 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 16 days

Typing late due to Thanksgiving (Canada version) plans with my parents today. We also got to see my brother and his fiancé, who have plans to be married next year and sent us save the dates earlier today, and my sister, who is still in school studying animation. I have another brother but he couldn't make it, he lives out of town and was busy moving to a new apartment there; I did get to meet his cat for the first time though, who is temporarily staying over at my parents while he moves.

Things must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, best sleep in a while. I went to bed at 11pm and this time woke up at 7:50am.

Stretch - yes, after waking up and throughout the day.

Go for walks / Exercise - another wagon ride with my kids to the park and back this morning.

Drink Water - yes, I was more mindful to drink more regularly and stay hydrated.

Wash face + body - yes, after getting back from my parents

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, cereal
  • lunch - yes, leftovers (again)
  • dinner - yes, at my parents

Talk to my partner - yes, throughout the day. We both convinced my brother and fiancé to look for an apartment near us, since they are being "reno-victed" from the apartment they are at, and also since they are just finishing a new apartment building right down the street from where we live.

Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, at the park, and at home afterwards.

Read a book - yes, but I took a break today from reading 7 Habits and doing workbook exercises. I read a bit of Gibson's Mona Lisa Overdrive instead, the book I got yesterday.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, these helped me again with not getting frustrated and reactive when my kids were not listening to getting dressed. I am noticing my responses being more calm also makes them more attentive and willing to compromise even when they don't want to do something.

Practice French - yes, just at night today again and also speaking with my wife (her responding in Spanish).

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

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Habit 1 - Be Proactive - Listen to your language

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 1)

I was very mindful today to not use phrases like "I can't" or "I have to" or "If only would happen so would be the case." This is what Covey calls reactive language. Instead I have been using "I can", "I want to" and "I will do it" - so forth.

I did catch myself when I was thinking out loud, that if only my middle kid would listen to me more often, then cleanup would go faster. I realize though that this kind of thinking is not conducive though, or i.e. it's not leading towards the outcome I am wanting. So I have been more mindful instead to meet my middle kid in between, and make the clean-up activity more fun.

I did let him borrow my massage ball afterwards, which is a small hard ball that has a high bounce and I roll it in my arms to release tension from typing on the computer (due to my job as a software engineer). He did unfortunately lose it though, but I realized that a stressful response would have just made things worse for myself, so I decided instead to ground myself and asked him in a fun way to get under his bed and pass me what he could find. No ball though. My wife did also help me look for it, but she had no luck either. But hey, I am not worried. I'll find it at some point (maybe tomorrow).

 

Edited by D_Cozy
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Posted (edited)

Tue 10.15

  • No compulsive social media use - 13 days
  • No compulsive research - 13 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 17 days

Today, I deleted a sobriety worksheet "how-to" post that I was planning to post on Reddit at some point; my thought was that it would be after my 90 days of no social media were over. I wrote it about 10 days ago, and had been editing it here and there as I work through the steps. Well, I realize now that it's a fools quest for me to keep it going; it's just toying with the idea of relapsing into compulsive social media use and information research for myself. My intentions for writing it were selfish, to get the "most upvotes" and attention. Yeah maybe it could also provide support to those looking for it, but I can't honestly say that it was the only reason; it would be rationalization and justification for me to throw in that support benefit, however true it may be. The truth is that I felt guilty of keeping it around for just the intention of gaining internet points.

Worry not, I still have much of the information on my head. Also through this journal. So the info itself is not lost; it's just not in a document that I was planning to copy-and-paste anymore. And I'm glad I deleted it permanently.

----

I attended the 2-way meeting for ITAA this morning. I revealed that I had altered my goal at this meeting; instead of giving myself a few minutes a day to hop on social media and only during my own time, I shared that this was not great for me and instead changed my goal to cut out all of social media, only keeping some necessary and healthy behaviors. I reached this conclusion because I would otherwise keep thinking about "I wonder who upvoted my posts" or if I was gaining any brownie points for what I posted, and it would feed my distraction constantly. I feel dumb for thinking this way about my internet interactions, but I am glad to have shared there. The support is great to receive.

I'm still keeping this forum as an exception, with time limits; not because I'm rationalizing or justifying my use of the internet, but because I have seen real benefits to keeping me journaling and sharing what I learn from ITAA and the 7 Habits. I know I could very well do my journal privately, but I like the fact that putting it online keeps me accountable as well; which is really a benefit that does make sense with tech use.

In an earlier entry, I mentioned how I would commit to more outreach and ITAA work, and I have done that. For Wednesday I will be attending the meditation meeting, and for Monday I'll be attending the Top Lines meeting. I identified these days as the most "isolating" ones where I need the most possible support. Thursday and Friday I have 1-1 meetings set up, not necessarily with ITAA but with work; nevertheless I find these can actually fulfill that same role from the ITAA meetings in keeping me connected and gaining insights for improvement. See for e.g. how my manager told me to share the 7 Habits self-assessment results with my wife, which led to some really neat discoveries about where I need to work the most; and my ADHD coach is self-explanatory, as she has guided me to practices and habits that let me stay productive without procrastination or overworking myself.

 Things must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - to bed at 11pm but my son woke up sick in the night 30min later. I went back to bed at 11:45pm, and woke up at 6:30am. So closer to 7h, still counting this as a yes; but I'll go to bed earlier tonight most likely.

Stretch - yes, though today I had been doing 50min Pomodoros, but I may have to lower them to 25min depending on the task. Making a note of it here so that I stretch more regularly.

Go for walks / Exercise - this morning was real busy, I had to bring back the ECG and then drop my wife + kids at school after that, because my wife was volunteering for a field trip. So we didn't get to work out this morning. I did walk my dogs through the neighborhood in the afternoon for 15min. And I will be doing 3 sets of handstand pushups later today so I can stay on target with my strength training. I'm learning about being flexible, so this isn't upsetting to me, rather it's a good opportunity for me to practice figuring out new things that can work for me when my schedule gets thrown off.

@wheatbiscuit I promise you that tomorrow I will try those suggested exercises! Tagging you to keep me accountable 😄

Drink Water - yes, both regular water and carbonated water.  I do have to remember to fill it up more often though, when it's out. I went through a 3h stretch without drinking any water, which is longer than I would like, so this is a note I am making for myself.

Wash face + body - not yet, but I will after my handstand pushups tonight

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, tuna salad
  • lunch - yes, leftovers (once again; a lot of turkey left)
  • dinner - tbd; my wife has a plan here

Talk to my partner - yes, as we headed to drop off the heart monitor together and back to the school for the field trip. She talked to me during lunch about her experience, I'll probably ask her more about it once I'm done work too as it was a short conversation.

Talk with my kids + play with them - will do this after they are home and after I'm done work.

Read a book - yes, the 7 Habits workbook throughout my breaks.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, at the ITAA meeting. I think I can do better with my meditation ritual in the morning break though. Making a note.

Practice French - yes, this morning before work and before leaving home. Maybe more later tonight depending how tired I am.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

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7 Habits Workbook - Developing Proactivity

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 2)

I've been trying to not use the words "I must do this" and rather say that I would "prefer" or "want" something instead. I stopped myself briefly from saying something along the lines of "I have to work out" and instead told my wife that I'd prefer to work out later in the day. I noticed that the statement was received better than I'm used to, she said something along the lines of "yes, we can make that work" rather than me being more aggressive with my wording. So now I get what she means when she has told me before to watch my tone! 🙂

Is there any area of your life you are unhappy about or frustrated by -- family, a relationship, your job? What are you unhappy about or frustrated by? For example, do you feel powerless hopeless, or used? Describe the situation.

Haha, this is why I started journaling basically. It's my job; I don't feel like I am being as well performant as I'd like to be. I'm just winding down from the day right now, but even today I felt slow; maybe due to getting those closer to 7h of sleep, or maybe it's just that I felt guilty about that "how-to" post I ended up nuking off my device. Whatever the case, I did feel clearer afterwards, but still frustrated about me keeping it. So maybe not my job necessarily, but how I use my time at my job. I feel that could still be better.

What is the stimulus to your frustration or unhappiness?

I think it's knowing that I could be better about how I use my time. Procrastination is basically the stimulus. I have to minimize my engagement in middle line behaviors.

How do you respond?

In the past, by scrolling on my phone, playing some dumb "quick" game on my phone, and generally procrastinating. Which would follow with overworking myself later at night.

What other choices might exist between the stimulus and response?

Now, I'm instead choosing to be more reflective by journaling here. By breathing, drinking water, and by respecting my breaks off the computer (and off technology) throughout the day. I think it's important to keep that up for myself.

MASTER

This is something the workbook shares with me, which I'm gonna share here too. It's a sequence of steps to master the moment between a negative stimulus and my response to these events:

  1. Measure how important the situation is to you on a scale of 1-5.
  2. Assess your initial reaction -- frustation, anger, fear, etc.
  3. See the stimulus/response model in your mind.
  4. Think about a proactive response.
  5. Engage or exit -- use the response you've chosen, or exit the situation.
  6. Review your performance to see how proactive you are.

I think this is something that I've been doing well. For e.g. with the procrastination issue;

  1. Measure - my work is a 5 for me
  2. Assess - anxiety and stress for sure
  3. See - deadline approaches with either easy or boring work, or hard and unknown todos following
  4. Think - a proactive response here would be to "clear the fog" so to speak; to take initiative and follow through
  5. Engage or exit - well I can't exit, so it's engage. Start on the next step, at least the "clear the fog" one
  6. Review - I think my performance would be much better this way, I would get started on the problem right in the morning rather than delaying it till almost noon.

The book is also challenging me to use the MASTER checklist for one week. So this can actually be a top line for me that I can lean on.

The book wants me to assess my performance at the end of the week with some questions. So I'll be answering them weekly.

Edited by D_Cozy
Removed part 1... posted my habits workbook later in same post
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Wed 10.16 (part 1)

  • No compulsive social media use - 14 days
  • No compulsive research - 14 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 18 days

After my workout was done, I dove straight to work, which was a more positive start for me. I sent the messages I needed to, fixed up some diagrams to match an applications current state, and got started on a decision matrix to help my manager understand how messy this application we inherited is, and what the next steps are. All these things are very good steps for me, as it is part of the 7 Habits; particularly Habit 1, being proactive (taking the initiative).

I also attended the ITAA meditation meeting. The gentleman who hosted it read a guided meditation on "The Space Between Thoughts", which I conceptualized as a place where I can sit and observe my train of thought come and go. The best thing that gets me focused on mediation is starting with just deep breaths, and focusing on my breathing rhythm. I have known this for a while, but it is something that I'll keep repeating as it helps me a lot. I am grateful to be attending more meetings as well, even if I just go into one to listen and meditate, it's productive for me; it puts me in a much better headspace to continue working later in the day. I'll stick to 3-a-week for now.

Things I must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, I went to bed at 10:45pm and woke up at 6:35am. Very good nights sleep.

Stretch - yes, better today this morning and before my workout. I find active stretching - things like jumping jacks - are better before working out, while static stretching (in-place) works better for me after a workout.

Go for walks / Exercise - Before I get to today, I want to stay accountable and say that I did work-out yesterday at night; regular push-ups, handstand push-ups, and crunches (my wife helped me out by holding my legs). And yes to this morning, I tried the rest of the exercises suggested by wheatbiscuit: used the rowing machine, did some dips using the bench for support, and did 4 proper pull-ups (I tried more, but my form was terrible after 4). I did notice I sweat more doing those, as they had me move my body more; so thank you! In addition, my wife and I also did bicep curls, tricep extensions, and squats. Good weight day today.

Drink Water - yes, and speaking of, I need to refill my water bottle. Good thing to journal now.

Wash face + body - yes, after morning workout

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, yogurt but that did not fill me up. So I had the rest of the tuna salad that was left as well
  • lunch - still early, but it'll probably be leftovers or a sandwich 
  • dinner - too early right now, will be later

Talk to my partner - Yes while working out. We've got a busy weekend coming up, as my wife is going up north to help my mother in-law with her uncle's stuff (the one who passed earlier this week). So I'll be with all of the kids on Saturday, that will be a good way for me to practice proactivity. I'll post more about what I'm planning to do on Friday.

BTW, I am off on Friday, as a bereavement day. My in-laws are going to funeral. I'm personally using it to help take care of their dogs; so I won't be attending the funeral, but I know I'll be in the right place where I'm needed.

Talk with my kids + play with them - will do this after they are home and after I'm done work. To stay accountable, yesterday I played a bit with my older two kids, with their Marvel action figures specifically. My two older kids are obsessed with Spider-Man right now, there's a Disney Jr. show that is age appropriate for them; hence where they were introduced. So instead of letting them watch that a ton, my wife thought it would be a good idea to get them action figures a few weeks ago, and yeah it really was honestly.

Read a book - I'll be reading more of the 7 Habits Workbook later and doing the exercises, that will be part 2 of my entry today.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, at the ITAA meeting for 15min. I will be doing more during a break.

Practice French - Oooh, I slacked on this in the morning. Okay, I gotta slot in some lessons during my breaks today.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂 and more to come later

Back to work for me, for now. I will be back for part 2 later with my 7 Habits workbook exercises, after my workday is done.

Keep it up everyone!

Posted (edited)

Wed 10.16 (part 2)

The 7 Habits Workbook - Developing Proactivity

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 3)

Hahaha oh dang. Well no one pointed this out until now, including me; but "Things I must do every day to stay Healthy" is a bit of a reactive thing to say, right? I'm specifically pointing to my choice of using "I must" here.

I guess I could change it to "Things I will to do to stay healthy". Well originally I used "must" for emphasis, but I do see that I've been stressing a bit much, even when there are good reasons for my schedule to change (such as the Tuesday morning). So changing the wording from "must" to "will" shows that these are things which can keep me healthy, and I will do them because I want to, not because I'm being driven by an external force to do them.

I'll update the title of my journal.

MASTER (day 1)

Today I practiced the MASTER technique, which I found very helpful at getting me mentally unblocked. I have a deadline tomorrow in the morning, and even though I had about 24h (or 8h in worktime) to complete it, I still got really anxious about it.

  • Measure = 5
  • Assess = reactive response is to hide from the problem
  • See stimulus/response model in your mind = deadline coming up, means I react with the "hide" response
  • Think of a proactive response = I can instead work on clearing the things that are still not cleared up; or "clearing the fog"
  • Engage or exit = I'm choosing to engage by clearing the fog
  • Review = I got most of the diagraming done by the end of the day.

Man it felt very good to type that. I can now work on my decision matrix tomorrow, much more calmly, and let my manager know which path would be preferable for moving forward.

I thanked my manager for booking a meeting tomorrow to get the decisions reviewed, which also felt good. If I had procrastinated on the other hand, I would've been stressing about that meeting tomorrow. But now I can enjoy my evening 🙂

-----

Tonight, I'll be working on my Circle of Influence again. The workbook is asking me to write down the various challenges and problems you face. Which area does each fall within? [Concern or Influence?] What is your immediate [reactive] response?

Additionally, I'm going to be journaling about the 30-day proactivity test. I thought it'd be covered in the workbook, but it's actually on the book itself instead.

Have a good night!

Edited by D_Cozy
  • Like 1
  • D_Cozy changed the title to Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"
Posted
16 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Wed 10.16 (part 2)

The 7 Habits Workbook - Developing Proactivity

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 3)

Hahaha oh dang. Well no one pointed this out until now, including me; but "Things I must do every day to stay Healthy" is a bit of a reactive thing to say, right? I'm specifically pointing to my choice of using "I must" here.

I guess I could change it to "Things I will to do to stay healthy". Well originally I used "must" for emphasis, but I do see that I've been stressing a bit much, even when there are good reasons for my schedule to change (such as the Tuesday morning). So changing the wording from "must" to "will" shows that these are things which can keep me healthy, and I will do them because I want to, not because I'm being driven by an external force to do them.

I'll update the title of my journal.

MASTER (day 1)

Today I practiced the MASTER technique, which I found very helpful at getting me mentally unblocked. I have a deadline tomorrow in the morning, and even though I had about 24h (or 8h in worktime) to complete it, I still got really anxious about it.

  • Measure = 5
  • Assess = reactive response is to hide from the problem
  • See stimulus/response model in your mind = deadline coming up, means I react with the "hide" response
  • Think of a proactive response = I can instead work on clearing the things that are still not cleared up; or "clearing the fog"
  • Engage or exit = I'm choosing to engage by clearing the fog
  • Review = I got most of the diagraming done by the end of the day.

Man it felt very good to type that. I can now work on my decision matrix tomorrow, much more calmly, and let my manager know which path would be preferable for moving forward.

I thanked my manager for booking a meeting tomorrow to get the decisions reviewed, which also felt good. If I had procrastinated on the other hand, I would've been stressing about that meeting tomorrow. But now I can enjoy my evening 🙂

-----

Tonight, I'll be working on my Circle of Influence again. The workbook is asking me to write down the various challenges and problems you face. Which area does each fall within? [Concern or Influence?] What is your immediate [reactive] response?

Additionally, I'm going to be journaling about the 30-day proactivity test. I thought it'd be covered in the workbook, but it's actually on the book itself instead.

Have a good night!

very interesting! 🙂 

I will try to be more proactive too. 

Is this 7 habits related to the book "7 habits of highly effective people"?
 

  • Like 1
Posted

Thu 10.17 (30-day Proactivity test - day 1)

  • No compulsive social media use - 15 days
  • No compulsive research - 15 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 19 days

Late entry for today, but it's because my wife and I were talking with a friend who has been going through a really tough time. He got divorced earlier this year, one of his cats passed away just last month, and now he is prepping to move to a new place with his two other cats. So yeah... that's why I'm posting so late. We were up late until a bit after 11pm, talking and supporting him. This was not planned, but that is ok. He is a close friend who has been there for us, both to just chill and also to support us through our own struggles with fertility and losing pets. We wanted to do that for him too.

For work; my 1-1 with my manager got moved to earlier in the day, because she wanted to meet shortly after the meeting about the project I was working on. Overall I felt really good about that meeting; I was focused right from the morning, the fact that all my diagraming was done prior (yesterday) really put me in a good spot to get a decision document sorted out. And the meeting went well, given that my manager said "I don't think we'll need a part 2 meeting" after we finished it up; so that tells me I delivered my knowledge and plan clearly. 🙂 Pretty happy about that result.

Because it moved up, I attended another ITAA meeting later in the day; it was the beginner meeting focused on step-work, we read some literature about AA history; specifically, it was about spiritual connection with a higher power to reach sobriety. After the reading, 3 members who have been sober for 30 days spoke about their experience. The one which stuck out to me the most was from one of them who talked about their experience with Alcohol addiction; he said something along the lines of "even if an internet addiction doesn't literally kill you like alcohol eventually does, you are essentially declaring yourself dead from the world by missing out in your life."

Really powerful message there, it stuck out to me.

Oh and I also did some volunteering for the online civic tech club. I introduced to them the concept of creating Issues to track things we want to work on, as they can be assigned to us. That way it brings more organization, as we are growing (we are up to 5 devs now, it was only 2 of us before!).

 Things I must do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, I went to bed again shortly after 10pm, although I woke up at 5:55am due to the baby being hungry. Still that is close enough to 8h.

Stretch - yes, this morning and before my workout. Active stretches again.

Go for walks / Exercise - yep, my wife and I did some chest (flys and press), dips, and planks to end.

Drink Water - yes, I refilled it throughout the day. Lots of water today.

Wash face + body - yes, after morning workout.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - yes, yogurt again, had 2 cups with cashew though to make it more substantial
  • lunch - mac & cheese 
  • dinner - chicken and rice, my wife spicing them. I helped by rinsing the rice and stirring it, before it went in the rice cooker. We made a good combo with the rice imo, I am pretty good at getting the exact right measurement for how much water to put in, while my wife is very good with adding flavor.

Talk to my partner - Yes while working out. Speaking of, since I'm off tomorrow, my partner and I were wondering on some longer workout ideas for tomorrow. Anyone have any suggestions for weight work? Looking for suggestions that are not cardio as we will be walking my in-laws dogs and ours over long distances at around noon (which will be our cardio)

Talk with my kids + play with them - yep, we all went to run an errand, pick up more winter clothes and other items.

Read a book - since I woke up early, this morning I read Ernest Hemmingway's short story "The Capital of the World", a story about a young man in Madrid, Spain. He yearns to be a matador, and so he practices with another matador who once got injured by a bulls horn and lost his courage to continue with his career. So this matador practices with him, and he ties knives to the end of a chair (to simulate the bull horns)... naturally that goes about as well as you'd expect. Yeah, the protagonist dies.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, during my breaks throughout the day.

Practice French - I did some in the evening after having had dinner and putting all kids to bed.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

---

7 Habits Workbook - 30 Day Proactivity Test (Day 1)

My commitment to myself today was to finish that decision document. And I did it. I was not just determined and disciplined to work on it, but I was also respectful of my breaks today.

And that is the main thing I've learned today; to respect my breaks. I stuck to my Pomodoros working time and break time very strictly, and I am very much noticing that I feel a lot more energized and less burned out.

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 4)

Today in that meeting I typed "here are things that must get done" but caught myself, and instead changed it to things that we should get done. That shows my preference, and the change in language also made me think to write the reasoning behind why it should be done. So that is why it is important to use proactive language 😄 Like a lightbulb going off

MASTER (day 2)

Baby was crawling a lot today, including close to my desk and pulling on cables. After the first time he did that, I used the Master checklist to be more proactive rather than having to pick him up right away; which is a good decision, dgmw, but by proactive I mean being able to plan ahead for this 

  • Measure = 5 - I mean obviously my baby matters a lot, he's a cutie-pie
  • Assess = reactive response is to pick up baby right away, backpack him with the carrier; he is usually ok with it, but I've noticed he is starting to dislike the carrier, now that he can move more
  • See stimulus/response model in your mind = baby too close to my work equipment, pick him up and wear him
  • Think of a proactive response = I laid out some toys away from my desk and away from the ground; that way he didn't have to be picked up and fuss, and he could still explore safely away from the cables
  • Engage or exit = engage. I could've called for help too, which could've been an "exit," but I wanted to give my wife more time to herself
  • Review = this actually worked pretty well, at least for one whole 25min Pomodoro it did. Enough time to complete the presentation, then right after baby got bored of the toys and crawled back to try the cables again haha. But by then I took a break and got him away from them, focused on something else.

Kids keep you busy, that's for sure.

---

I know I said I'd do more on my Circle of Influence, but I thought I'd be more available to do that before we started talking with our friend. Obviously plans changed.

So here's the deal I will make with myself; tomorrows proactive commitment for me will be that I will need to get farther with these exercises:

Quote

How Large is your Circle?

Write down the various challenges and problems you face. Which area does each fall within? [Concern or Influence?] What is your immediate [reactive] response?

Table todo

Keeping in mind the above model and making your circle of influence grow, choose one challenge from each of the areas above that you wuld like to work on during the next week. How will you change your response to meet the challenge more effectively?

  1. Circle of Influence
    • todo
  2. Circle of Concern
    • todo

Taking the Initiative

Is there something you have always wanted to do but felt you didn't have the talent, time, or ability? What would it take for you to overcome your weaknesses

Heading to bed now, slightly before midnight. The good thing here is that I'm off from work tomorrow, so no need to wake up 6:30am early, and I can nap midday if need be. Also means tomorrow I have more of a chance to work at these exercises.

---

12 hours ago, Mohammad said:

Is this 7 habits related to the book "7 habits of highly effective people"?

Hey Mohammad; yes, it is Stephen R. Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People". I've been making it a point to practice it daily.

There's a companion workbook by the same name, just says "Personal Workbook" on the cover in addition to the title. It has a lot more exercises that go with each chapter.You don't have to do what I'm doing necessarily, but I have been enjoying working through all exercises first before moving on to the next chapter. That's why I'm not yet reading Habit 2. Also, another reason I'm doing this is because, in the self assessment that the workbook includes, I scored lowest in Habit 1: Be Proactive, and my next lower scores are in Habit 2 and 3. I will get to the next chapter soon though, I'm not necessarily going to wait until the 30day Proactivity test is done, but I did want to complete the remaining exercises first.

Posted
6 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

"even if an internet addiction doesn't literally kill you like alcohol eventually does, you are essentially declaring yourself dead from the world by missing out in your life."

Talk to my partner - Yes while working out. Speaking of, since I'm off tomorrow, my partner and I were wondering on some longer workout ideas for tomorrow. Anyone have any suggestions for weight work?

Read a book - since I woke up early, this morning I read Ernest Hemmingway's short story "The Capital of the World", a story about a young man in Madrid, Spain. He yearns to be a matador, and so he practices with another matador who once got injured by a bulls horn and lost his courage to continue with his career. So this matador practices with him, and he ties knives to the end of a chair (to simulate the bull horns)... naturally that goes about as well as you'd expect. Yeah, the protagonist dies.

My brother used to defend his freedom (you could say) by asking rhetorically if we had problems with the way he was living his life. I've thought that there's a balance to be struck (between my life and our life), considering all of the things other people do that have made lifestyles possible. Now at this point, I decide to wrap up before accidentally blotting out all of the offline possibilities I built up in my head today - I fancy that I was only practised enough for speech in my group(s) today owing in large part to posting here. Just a fancy 😛 

My last decent dumbbell upper-body workout was consecutive bicep curls, upright rows and shoulder press, all standing. That felt good (I think I posted that some weeks ago). I like dumbbell front squats and walking lunges too, if there's space.

I heard of Hemingway from his mention in Roald Dahl's 'Matilda'. Was it/is he at least kind of humorous? I mean to chase up the rest/some more of William Styron's books.

 

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

Fri 10.18 (30-day Proactivity test - day 2)

  • No compulsive social media use - 16 days
  • No compulsive research - 16 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 20 days

Bereavement day, which involved me helping my wife out with my in-laws dogs. She is upset that she could not go to the funeral today, but she also offered to do this for my in-laws (her parents) so that they would not have to pay a dog-sitter for taking care of their dogs. Which I get, they have already spent a lot traveling back and forth and I also feel the same way. We are where we are needed.

My in-laws have a puppy btw, which is why it's more work and which is why it's so busy; the puppy can't just hold it for as long yet, so he needs to be brought outside every 3h. That is why it's so busy, for those reading.

Tomorrow my wife takes the train to go up north, she will be helping with her great-uncles apartment. I will be staying here with all three kids. I proactively planned the day tomorrow, which I'll detail below. Something that I'm quite happy to have done, reduces stress and also prepares me, rather than me being stressed about taking care of 3 kids mostly by myself (I will get help from her dad, who is back tonight).

Not giving too much personal info away, the plan is:

  • 6:45am - my wife will leave for the train early. I will wake up at this time, prep breakfast for everyone, and get all kids dressed
  • 8am - I bring my kids to the park by this time
  • 9am - come back home, feed baby, then get ready to go shopping + get 2 older kids flu shots
  • 10am - go to pharmacy by around this time
  • 11:30am - back home by this time most likely, start making lunch (probably leftovers, there's lots)
  • 12:30pm - get help from my Father in law to watch the baby, while I walk my dogs with my 2 older kids (this is very difficult with a stroller)
  • ~3pm - start making dinner / order something (depending how exhausted I am)
  • 4pm - feed dogs and eat dinner
  • 5:30pm - bathtime for kids, get them dressed and ready for bedtime routine
  • 6:30pm - get help from my Father in-law again, so I can let my dogs out for another walk
  • 7pm - get kids to bed

It'll be a busy day, but I think this is an effective schedule. I do have a gap between 12:30 -> ~3pm, which I'll probably use to chill out with them with quiet activities. And I am aware that things can come up which will derail this, but this is as general as I wanted it to be to allow for changes.

Things I will do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, went to bed shortly after midnight, but woke up at 7:30am (my wife let me sleep in). So about 7.5h total.

Stretch - yes, made sure to stretch in bed this morning.

Go for walks / Exercise - yes, a very active day in general. Thank you @wheatbiscuit for the recommendations, my wife and I did upright rows, bicep curls and shoulder press. We also did rowing machines. After that, we brought my in-laws dogs for a walk, then our dogs. The baby got a lot of outdoor time too.

Drink Water - yes, I was pretty thirsty throughout the morning and afternoon.

Wash face + body - yes, after all the walks were done.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - 2 yogurts with cashews again
  • lunch - take-out lunch together with my wife
  • dinner - pasta

Talk to my partner - Yes, we spent the whole day together. Worked out, walking outside, helping out with her parents dogs, playing with our baby, picking up our kids from school, etc.

Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, since my wife let out my in-laws dogs after we got back, I spent an hour making sure supper was served for all three and I felt very present at the dinner table with them. 

Read a book - 7 Habits workbook for today.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this morning and later in the day

Practice French - I did some this morning and practiced by speaking to my kids. I feel like I'm at about their level in French... or honestly they're probably more advanced than me lol 😄 

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

---

7 Habits Workbook - 30 Day Proactivity Test (Day 2)

My commitment to myself today was to finish the exercises for the Circle of influence and Taking the Initiative. Well... I did them, and even went farther and cleared most of the remaining Habit 1s exercises. The only ones I still have to do being the ones which asked me to come back a week later after I started them to assess my progress (self explanatory why I'm waiting only on those).

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 5)

This is one of the exercises which has questions for me to come back to on day 7.

Today I remember saying that "I have to do" something which I am forgetting, but I remember it was right before dinner. I do also remember thinking right afterwards that it was reactive language I used, and instead I should be mindful of saying "I want to do" the thing which I'm forgetting.

What was it in regards to? I'm thinking it was related to putting away clean dishes, since I was in the kitchen when I said it, but I can't be sure... funny, I remember what I thought and learned afterwards, as well as the specific time of day and the place. Just not exactly what I said! 😛 Oh well. I think what matters is how I thought of a better way of wording it, which assigns the autonomy to me instead of the chore driving me.

MASTER (day 3)

Another of the exercises that I will come back to at the end of the week.

I may not have been working today, but that does not mean I did not get a chance to use this list. I realized that I had forgotten to cancel my appointment with my ADHD coach, since I'm used to my vacation requests automatically doing that; the thing is though that it will only do that for work events, not with my external events, which my ADHD coaching is part of. Now obviously these matter a lot to me, but I was supposed to be taking the day to support my wife and in-laws; and I didn't think of that right away. I was thinking about the benefit I had with these sessions and tried to do too much at once. Ultimately I cancelled and explained the situation, to which my coach was more than understanding with.

  • Measure = 3 - yes my ADHD coaching matters, but I should measure against the other thing going on; which is supporting my wife that day.
  • Assess = reactive response was to try and do the meeting directly after the workout, which would've conflicted with helping my wife with my in-laws dogs
  • See stimulus/response model in your mind = forget to cancel a meeting -> try to do it and the other plans I had with my wife same day
  • Think of a proactive response = In hindsight, I would've preferred to cancel the meeting earlier, but mistakes happen. So thinking even deeper, if I ever do get in a situation like that again, I should talk with my wife on plans the day before; that way we can come up with a plan, kinda like how I did today.
  • Engage or exit = exit, needed to cancel due to all that is going on, instead of trying to do too much at once
  • Review = not a fan of having cancelled so last minute, but now I know that it's okay to do that. As much as coaching is benefiting me, it's not really kind to my wife when I'm supposed to be off to support her.

Good reflection overall of this moment.

How Large is your Circle?

Write down the various challenges and problems you face. Which area does each fall within? [Concern or Influence?] What is your immediate [reactive] response?

I wish the GQ forum had better ways to make a table. Anyways, I'll just upload the screenshot, my apologies for my bad handwriting. Give me a moment to edit the post so I can put the answers here:

Circle_of_influence.jpg

Keeping in mind the above model and making your circle of influence grow, choose one challenge from each of the areas above that you would like to work on during the next week. How will you change your response to meet the challenge more effectively?

  1. Circle of Influence - from that table, I chose Being Bored
    • I note that when I'm bored, I pull my phone out a lot. With no real specific purpose; just as a way to feel the touch screen I guess. It's not a great habit, and it's a clear middle line for me because it can slip me into browsing and scrolling through things that just give me quick highs.
    • I'd rather be more present. So within my influence, I will change my response to be more observant of what is around me. Pay attention to what others around me are doing, just observe and listen quietly. Remembering too that observe is not the same thing as staring. 
  2. Circle of Concern - from that table, I chose Daycare closing / Kid getting sick
    • This is part of my circle of Concern because it isn't up to me whether this happens or not. There's in fact, not a lot I can do to prevent that; I am already being as preventative as I can be by getting my 2 older kids vaccinated. This came up as a recent concern as well given it is October, which is "sick season" for the northern hemisphere.
    • So rather than stress about the possibility of this happening - which it may not even happen - I'll focus on what I can control and influence. I will keep making sure that my kids remain active with trips to the park; I will make sure that they also continue eating healthy and drinking a lot of water. And I will make sure to keep plenty of medicine around (my wife has already thought ahead, she has taken responsibility over stocking up with medicine).

Taking the Initiative

Is there something you have always wanted to do but felt you didn't have the talent, time, or ability? What would it take for you to overcome your weaknesses?

Well this one is my kitchen skills, specifically I've always wanted to learn how to bake; I already cook some pretty good savory dishes, but I want to learn how to make sweet desserts. And I've never really made the time to learn it. In the past, it is just something that has felt like I don't "have time" to learn and now that I have the 3 kids it feels even more true. But it's just a feeling, it's not necessarily the truth; the truth is I just haven't felt like I could make the time.

What one thing can you do this week to begin?

So I think this is something I could easily start too, and a good first step would be to lean on my wife; she knows how to bake things from muffins to big cakes, so right there I have a good teacher. And it could even be fun to get the kids involved, well the 2 older ones at least.

Got Courage?!

If you could develop a new talent, what would it be?

Baking, as answered above.

If you could travel to anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I've always wanted to visit Japan. The closest I have ever been was B.C., in Kelowna; this specific small city has a garden with imported fauna and trees from Japan, cherry blossoms included. It was gorgeous, and it gave me a taste of beauty I want to see more of. So one day, this is a place I'd love to travel to.

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

I would love to have grown in my job at a faster rate. I have been stagnating due to my addictive behavior. It's time that stopped.

Use this space to record your plan for implementing ways to make answers to the last few questions come to fruition.

I'm going to keep journaling here and keeping myself accountable. I'm going to continue doing things to stay healthy. I will keep practicing the 12 steps and 7 Habits.

---

17 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I heard of Hemingway from his mention in Roald Dahl's 'Matilda'. Was it/is he at least kind of humorous? I mean to chase up the rest/some more of William Styron's books.

 

Yeah his prose often does wordplay even for the depressing stuff, often using words from other languages. He was a journalist first, who covered conflicts and wars mainly (including the world wars). But his writing style isvery energetic to read despite the subject.

Night everyone! Will be back tomorrow.

Edited by D_Cozy
  • Like 1
Posted (edited)

Sat 10.19 (30-day Proactivity test - day 3)

  • No compulsive social media use - 17 days
  • No compulsive research - 17 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 21 days

Today I was by myself with all 3 of my kids, all under 5yo, from 7am to 8:30pm; and I did not fall apart!

That plan I made yesterday was actually very helpful. It gave me structure, which is very helpful for kids to have as well. That time period between 12:30pm to 3pm ended up being quite well spent too; one of our close adult friends messaged me and offered to see me + the 3 kids in person, so I met him at a park close to his place. He is the one that is going through a separation right now, so it was good to talk to him about that and check-in on him.

Things I will do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - Not my best sleep, I did publish that journal entry pretty late last night, then went to bed shortly before midnight and woke up at 6:45am. Closer to 7h for sure, I'm hoping I can sleep in or nap tomorrow. I'm going to keep this journal entry short.

Stretch - yes, made sure to stretch in bed this morning, also after the walks.

Go for walks / Exercise - yes, a very active day in general with a lot of walks and fun time outside.

Drink Water - yeah, throughout the day I kept my water bottle filled, as well as my kids. Even the baby can now drink water (at 8mo).

Wash face + body - ooh yeah, I should do that... I stink lol. Busy day. Okay, I'll do a quick rinse after journaling is done.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - toast with butter
  • lunch - leftover chicken and rice
  • dinner - take-out, given we were out in the park again it was easier

Talk to my partner - Yes, I didn't see her much since she took the train to go out of town, but I called her a few times in the day to check-in on her and talk about her day. She found some valuable collectible dolls that her great-uncle would horde, some which we may be able to flip and put the money towards his inheritance.

Talk with my kids + play with them - lol yes this was my entire day. Trip to the park, trip shopping and got them their flu shots (which the 2 older ones hated getting needles), then back home I put on some of French songs for them, then I played some motion controlled games with them, then another trip to the park with my close friend, then picked up dinner 

Read a book - I read Don Quixote today, I wanted something fun to sink my imagination into after all kids went to bed.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this afternoon during a quiet activity time for my kids, and after they went to bed.

Practice French - At the park I ran into a classmate of my oldest son, and I got the chance to speak fully in French for the first time in a conversation with his parent. This is a big deal, because it was with someone other than my direct family. So that was great practice today for me. I've come a long way from simply saying simple phrases like "Bounjour, come ça va" and then switching to English or Spanish afterwards (depending on what the other parent understands). I also did some Duolingo later at night.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

---

7 Habits Workbook - 30 Day Proactivity Test (Day 3)

I did not call this out yesterday, but my commitment today was simply to survive lol.

Okay, joking aside and seriously now, it was to stick to that outline as realistic as possible. And I did. All 3 of my kids were taken care of, fed and changed throughout the day, the two older ones got baths done by me (babies are recommended to only get baths about 2~3 times per week, for those wondering); and overall all kids were kept busy. All of them fell asleep for me before 8pm! Which is awesome.

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 6)

I am noticing my language is starting to get more intentional and focused on what I want and would rather do, instead of what I "feel" I have to do or must do. What I've noticed is that I'm more confident and less stressed overall.

One moment that I did think was funny and notable was when my oldest pushed his brother, to which he felt bad about doing. I gave him a look which showed I wasn't impressed; then he apologized and offered to hug his brother, which he was ok with.

I point this out because normally this is a situation where I get more agitated and upset about, but I instead did only enough to steer my kid towards letting him decide the right resolution.

MASTER (day 4)

I was so busy that it slipped my mind to even see if I could apply this checklist. So the best situation I can hope to use this checklist on now is basically the day as a whole; taking care of kids during a weekend with your partner away.

  • Measure = 5 / 5 - my kids matter a lot to me
  • Assess = reactive response is to get stressed and "dread" the day when I'm by myself basically
  • Think of a proactive response = plan the day, like how I did the day before
  • Engage or exit = engage by planning the day and sticking to it as realistically as possible
  • Review = I think today was excellent, so a massive success

----

My commitment tomorrow is to continue reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind is next. I'll post what I learn from it in tomorrows entry as well.

Edited by D_Cozy
Posted (edited)

Sun 10.20

  • No compulsive social media use - 18 days
  • No compulsive research - 18 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 22 days

It was an apple picking kinda day with my kids and wife:

20241020_122642.jpg

Very fun today! Got a ton of apples, some which I want to use for baking later this week. (that is something which I want to learn, like I mentioned). I did ask my wife about her teaching me as well, and she is okay guiding me.

We also got a big pumpkin, another which I'll be carving later this week.

The temptation to start browsing around online is strong, specially to post and "engage" in online conversations and communities outside of this one. They come mostly and often when I am bored; today it was while I was outside watching my kids play in the playground, which is also not an appropriate time to be looking at my phone either to begin with. So something that I believe is helping me to keep going is putting my phone away, then focusing on feeling my emotions, and focusing on my breath. Basically mediation. It's not always predictable to see how or when these periods come and go, but as long as I ground myself, the cravings pass.

Things I will do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - Better sleep last night, closer to 8h. I did go to bed late again last night, but we all woke up closer to 7:30 instead.

Stretch - yes, this morning when waking up and after driving. The apple farm is about a 1h drive away, so I made sure to stretch afterwards.

Go for walks / Exercise - Yeah not gym but as usual, my kids kept me busy. The apple field tired them out, as it did me and my wife. Also has a playground there which I got the kids to play in today.

Drink Water - Yes, on the drive there and back. Also brought a coffee

Wash face + body - After journaling I'll do this, I've got dirt inside my socks right now (I'm pretty sure anyways haha)

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - I had a yogurt and apples, but that was not very filling
  • lunch - we ate at a nearby place in the farm which makes food with apples (not surprisingly!). They were also cooking beef and stuffing it in a bun. It was alright... I ate it mostly because I was hungry. My wife had soup and she said it was pretty bland.
  • dinner - cooked a store-bought chicken pot-pie

Talk to my partner - Yes in the car ride and throughout the day. We're planning a birthday party for my oldest, so talked about logistics and location for that, as well as invitations to give to his friends parents.

Talk with my kids + play with them - yeah at the apple field and also back home we did some quiet games with their action figures. 

Read a book - I read the 7 Habits, started Habit 2 today.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, see above how it helps ground me.

Practice French - conversed with my wife in the car using French, as well as my kids. I also did some through Duo.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

---

30 day proactivity test - day 4

I started Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind today, which was my commitment today. It opens with an interesting exercise; if your funeral were to be in 3 years from now, what would you like four speakers - one from your family, another being a close friend, another a coworker or someone from your profession, and the last being someone from a community or service - to say about your life? Morbid example, yeah, but it was effective!

My own impressions are:

  • Family: I would want them to say that I was a good father, caring husband; someone patient, trustworthy and present
  • Friend: I would want my best friends to remember me as a good listener, supportive of them and kind, and someone who could bring them joy
  • Colleague: I would want my coworkers to say that I was reliable, honest, knowledgeable, and overall a collaborative worker
  • Spiritual / Volunteer Community: Helpful and empathetic, as well as a hard worker (for the civic tech club for instance)

The author wants me to go through this exercise because it helps me understand What it means to "begin with the end in mind", the bolded part being the title of the 2nd Habit. This establishes brief contact with what he calls an "inner guidance" in the Circle of Influence. Even though the example is extreme, it does frame the big picture; what would you like to look like to be remembered as?

That big question can the be applied at less drastic circumstances and levels of life; for example, what would you like to be doing in the next 3 years? Or like that goal I set for what steps I can take to learn baking, in the short span of 1 week.

That's how far I've read so far.

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 7)

This is the last day that the book wanted me to listen to my language, then I'll go back to the workbook and answer the remaining questions.

Today I did feel a mix of proactivity and reactivity; although the proactive parts don't stick out as much as the reactive ones. Probably because they are the more negative experiences so they stick out.

The reactive one I think of today is when I was clearly very hungry before getting to the shop. I really should eat a more substantial meal, specially before driving.

Okay, the questions from this section:

What were the outcomes to my conscious, proactive responses?

The response and conversations are a lot more calm and clear. I also note that, at work, I am generally more energized and less likely to overwork myself. Balance has been very important, and proactivity helps with staying committed to achieving that (committing to Pomodoro).

What would have been the outcomes had I chosen reactive responses?

I can think of today for instance, where it causes assumptions and hurtful things to be said. The way which I feel is valid, but the way I react to that feeling is my choice.

In what ways have my proactive responses improved my life?

Definitely a big difference maker. I feel like I'm being heard, and I can note that my family feels like I'm listening (yea even the young kids feel acknowledged). So overall I feel growth in myself and that I'm getting more 

MASTER (day 5)

Being hungry:

  • Measure = 5 / 5 - yea eating well matters a lot
  • Assess = reactive response is to get "hangry"
  • Think of a proactive response = eat something more filling ahead of time, preferably before taking my ADHD meds (these decrease hunger, btw, as one of the side effects). Or if need to rush out the door, bring something portable to eat like a banana or a granola bar
  • Engage or exit = Engage. I'll proactively plan for tomorrow, which involves an early morning appointment, so I may have to run out of the house without much food in me. So now I know that I can bring with me something portable to eat just in case I don't get the time to have a substantial breakfast.
  • Review = I'll review tomorrow again, but I think that for today it was a bit rough of a reaction for me. I know I should practice breathing even despite feeling hungry, to ground myself.

----

My commitment tomorrow is to continue reading Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind.

Edited by D_Cozy
rest of post
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22 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Sat 10.19 (30-day Proactivity test - day 3)

  • No compulsive social media use - 17 days
  • No compulsive research - 17 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 21 days

Today I was by myself with all 3 of my kids, all under 5yo, from 7am to 8:30pm; and I did not fall apart!

That plan I made yesterday was actually very helpful. It gave me structure, which is very helpful for kids to have as well. That time period between 12:30pm to 3pm ended up being quite well spent too; one of our close adult friends messaged me and offered to see me + the 3 kids in person, so I met him at a park close to his place. He is the one that is going through a separation right now, so it was good to talk to him about that and check-in on him.

Things I will do each day to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - Not my best sleep, I did publish that journal entry pretty late last night, then went to bed shortly before midnight and woke up at 6:45am. Closer to 7h for sure, I'm hoping I can sleep in or nap tomorrow. I'm going to keep this journal entry short.

Stretch - yes, made sure to stretch in bed this morning, also after the walks.

Go for walks / Exercise - yes, a very active day in general with a lot of walks and fun time outside.

Drink Water - yeah, throughout the day I kept my water bottle filled, as well as my kids. Even the baby can now drink water (at 8mo).

Wash face + body - ooh yeah, I should do that... I stink lol. Busy day. Okay, I'll do a quick rinse after journaling is done.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - toast with butter
  • lunch - leftover chicken and rice
  • dinner - take-out, given we were out in the park again it was easier

Talk to my partner - Yes, I didn't see her much since she took the train to go out of town, but I called her a few times in the day to check-in on her and talk about her day. She found some valuable collectible dolls that her great-uncle would horde, some which we may be able to flip and put the money towards his inheritance.

Talk with my kids + play with them - lol yes this was my entire day. Trip to the park, trip shopping and got them their flu shots (which the 2 older ones hated getting needles), then back home I put on some of French songs for them, then I played some motion controlled games with them, then another trip to the park with my close friend, then picked up dinner 

Read a book - I read Don Quixote today, I wanted something fun to sink my imagination into after all kids went to bed.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this afternoon during a quiet activity time for my kids, and after they went to bed.

Practice French - At the park I ran into a classmate of my oldest son, and I got the chance to speak fully in French for the first time in a conversation with his parent. This is a big deal, because it was with someone other than my direct family. So that was great practice today for me. I've come a long way from simply saying simple phrases like "Bounjour, come ça va" and then switching to English or Spanish afterwards (depending on what the other parent understands). I also did some Duolingo later at night.

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - my entry is here🙂

---

7 Habits Workbook - 30 Day Proactivity Test (Day 3)

I did not call this out yesterday, but my commitment today was simply to survive lol.

Okay, joking aside and seriously now, it was to stick to that outline as realistic as possible. And I did. All 3 of my kids were taken care of, fed and changed throughout the day, the two older ones got baths done by me (babies are recommended to only get baths about 2~3 times per week, for those wondering); and overall all kids were kept busy. All of them fell asleep for me before 8pm! Which is awesome.

Make it a point to really listen to your language during the next week. Is your language more proactive or reactive? (Day 6)

I am noticing my language is starting to get more intentional and focused on what I want and would rather do, instead of what I "feel" I have to do or must do. What I've noticed is that I'm more confident and less stressed overall.

One moment that I did think was funny and notable was when my oldest pushed his brother, to which he felt bad about doing. I gave him a look which showed I wasn't impressed; then he apologized and offered to hug his brother, which he was ok with.

I point this out because normally this is a situation where I get more agitated and upset about, but I instead did only enough to steer my kid towards letting him decide the right resolution.

MASTER (day 4)

I was so busy that it slipped my mind to even see if I could apply this checklist. So the best situation I can hope to use this checklist on now is basically the day as a whole; taking care of kids during a weekend with your partner away.

  • Measure = 5 / 5 - my kids matter a lot to me
  • Assess = reactive response is to get stressed and "dread" the day when I'm by myself basically
  • Think of a proactive response = plan the day, like how I did the day before
  • Engage or exit = engage by planning the day and sticking to it as realistically as possible
  • Review = I think today was excellent, so a massive success

----

My commitment tomorrow is to continue reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind is next. I'll post what I learn from it in tomorrow's entry as well.

I am wondering how you make time to write such a detailed and thoughtful journal every day. I usually spend 5-10 minutes on journaling and anything more, I feel that I can use that time to do more important things. I understand that self-improvement is critical and I also spend a lot of time every day to think through them while walking from home to work. 

May I ask how much time you allocate to this website every day? Could you also elaborate on why it is so important to you?

 

 

Edited by Mohammad
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2 minutes ago, Mohammad said:

I am wondering how you make time to write such a detailed and thoughtful journal every day. I usually spend 5-10 minutes on journaling and anything more, I feel that I can use that time to do more important things. I understand that self-improvement is critical and I also spend a lot of time every day to think through them while walking from home to work. 

May I ask how much time you allocate to this website every day? Could you also elaborate on why it is so important to you?

 

 

Hey Mohammad, yeah I spend more time than that; about 30~45min a day. That one which you quoted was 45min. For the website here, I allocate 1h a day, so 15min extra (minimum) to read others entries and comment (if I have time). I adjusted this limit as I kept learning about how long it took me to post.

Writing is something that I personally really enjoy, so I don't mind spending about 30~45min a day personally. However, a few things:

I don't necessarily sit down to write my journal in one go. As the day goes by, I'll write notes in my phone of things that catch my interest or attention; then when I get to the end of the day I look over my notes and put my journal entry together. This is a habit I formed while I studied English Literature in University; writing essays was a big part of the coursework, and that practice has carried over with me.

The things I want to do to stay healthy has really helped me; I find that all those things cover my physical health, mental stimulation, spiritual wellbeing and social/emotional wellbeing. So I commit to doing them, and also journaling about them to stay accountable. It's a neat way for me to break up the day, and also to put my experiences in an order.

Oh and also, I copy-paste the template from the main post. So that makes it a lot quicker to put together; I don't go line by line bolding each section that needs it lol. So that is where templates help with there.

Also I'm adding the 7 Habits questions from the book and the workbook to my entry. I'm committing to sharing what I learn and going through the exercises for that every day; while I don't have to necessarily share them here, I want to do it. The 7 Habits are having a big impact on me. Partly this is why it's important for me to write in this much detail, because reflection is part of my wellbeing. I would take a lot less time, about 15min, if I wasn't adding this to my journal; but I prefer adding them because it helps keep me accountable and because it helps show my growth for myself.

 

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Mon 10.21 (Part 1)

  • No compulsive social media use - 19 days
  • No compulsive research - 19 days
  • No passive screen time during work, before bed, nor first thing in mornings - 23 days

I'm winding down from work, this period tends to be a good opportunity for me during weekdays to put together my journal entry.

I attended the top lines meeting today with ITAA, I'm keeping this one in my rotation. I shared with them how Pomodoro has been working well for me as a top line. I lead the conversation with the fact that I'm in a tough position being a software engineer, but addicted to compulsive use of social media and research, so that my goal is to cut out the biggest time wasters (my bottom lines). I've gotten to 19 days of no social media and compulsive research so far, and Pomodoro has been a big help because of the way it structures me; 25min of work followed with a quick 5min offscreen break, or 50min of work followed by a 10min offscreen break. I also emphasized the offscreen part for the breaks, because this is what is really helping me stay away from "just a quick scroll or game" on my phone. It also helps avoid overworking myself, which is also a problem for me because exhaustion can lead to my bottom lines (the feeling of "rewarding" myself with something that is very compulsive and distracting for me).

Reflecting now, I see that keeping my life in balance is what is helping me the most with this attempt at sobriety.

Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - closer to 7.5h, due to kids waking up throughout the night. To bed at 11pm and woke up at 5:50am with the baby, then fell back asleep at 6:30am and woke up at 7:10am. So added together it's about 7.5h

Stretch - yeah this morning and during the ITAA meeting (I turn my camera off when I move around to avoid distracting others), also before workout

Go for walks / Exercise - this morning my wife had an appointment that I drove her to. So instead, I did some weights during lunch (standing rows and walking lunges). After that, I had a big team meeting, which didn't really require my participation, so I did an Incline walk on the treadmill for 65min while listening to it. Yeah, this was a really good gym day overall. I am going to make a note of this for future big team meetings that don't really require my participation, now I know I can be going to the treadmill while still attending the meeting.

Drink Water - yes, throughout the day I kept filling up my water.

Wash face + body - yes, after working out; I get really sweaty.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - 2 apples from the farm and an omelet after coming back from the appointment
  • lunch - sandwich, I made one for everyone at home
  • dinner - tbd

Talk to my partner - yes, during the car ride this morning on the way to the appointment and back. 

Talk with my kids + play with them - yes, my middle kid had daycare closed today so he stayed home. He is quite energetic, helped me bring the dogs outside during breaks (helped in his 3yo way). He also ate a whole sandwich to himself. I'll be spending more time with the others later after work.

Read a book - yep, I'm going to continue the 7 Habits later today.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this morning. I'm making it a routine to practice meditation and deep breaths during a 5min work break

Practice French - Oui, je parle avec ma femme en la matin, et autre membre de ITAA (elle parle français aussi). This other ITAA member shared a tartar apple recipe for baking with me after the meeting, cuz she offered and I asked. The recipe is written in French, but no problem for me; more reason to practice French and more reason to start trying baking!

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - entry is here 🙂

7 Habits workbook

MASTER (day 6)

As promised, I'll reflect on yesterdays MASTER situation. Which was going on a trip early in the morning before having breakfast (i.e. driving "hangry")

  • Measure = 5 / 5 - yea eating well matters a lot to me
  • Assess = I tend to be more short when hangry
  • Think of a proactive response = make coffee in advance and pour into travel mug. Bring 2 apples from the farm, have plenty, so that I at least had something. Also make plan for food after getting back (which was eggs -> omelet)
  • Engage or exit = Engage with above
  • Review = More clear-headed, better driving all around and no outbursts. Success!

----

I will also post a part 2 later today, with my 30 day proactivity test - day 5. My commitment tomorrow is the same as last one; I will continue reading Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind.

Edited by D_Cozy
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On 10/19/2024 at 11:37 PM, D_Cozy said:

yes this was my entire day. Trip to the park, trip shopping and got them their flu shots (which the 2 older ones hated getting needles

I got my son shots on Friday and it ruined his sleep routine lol. We got maybe 2 hours of sleep that night but the next day he caught up and now we're good again. 

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Mon 10.21 (part 2)

30 day proactivity test - day 5

So my commitment was to keep reading Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. I like one of the metaphors which Covey used with a ladder, saying that "it is possible to keep climbing a very long ladder, only to get to the top and find that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall." The argument here is that chasing success and victories isn't always worth it; some victories are empty (like achievements from video games), and some successes coming at the expense of far more valuable things (like putting work over family and friendships).

That is why he started with the funeral exercise. What we do every day should get us closer to what we wanted those people to say of us. Brilliant and insightful, and really helped me understand this better.

Reflecting again on Mohammad's question earlier, this is also why journaling matters so much to me. I know I could journal privately, but it helps me to post here too because of the accountability. That is also why I don't mind spending a good chunk of time writing and typing.

Another metaphor I really liked from the book: The carpenters rule is "Measure twice, cut once." You want to make sure that the blueprint, ... is really what you want, that you've thought everything through." He uses this metaphor to illustrate how a house is built; that before it is even built, it is a concept. Covey argues that we too, can be thought of that way; first we have to visualize where we want to eventually go (our blueprint of what kind of person we would like to be), and only after that can we start walking and taking steps towards achieving that vision of ourselves. We refer to that blueprint every day. Otherwise, the house built will require very expensive changes later; and similarly, if we keep taking the steps in the wrong direction, it will only get us to the wrong destination.

He uses this metaphor of the house to introduce the concept of a Mission Statement, which is basically a blueprint of what we want to be for ourselves. I'm going to put the book down now though, and go to bed; almost 10pm.

My commitment tomorrow is the same as last one; I will continue reading Habit 2. I imagine that I'll be writing a Mission Statement for myself too, so probably tomorrow I'll work on that. I have a whiteboard at home actually, so I'll probably use that.

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I got my son shots on Friday and it ruined his sleep routine lol. We got maybe 2 hours of sleep that night but the next day he caught up and now we're good again. 

Aww yeah, it's always tough when babies get shots. Mine also woke up throughout the night after his shot. We've been giving him infant medicine for teething as well, that has been helping with staying on track with sleep each night (mostly...)

My wife and I are trying to have a 4th child as well. That will be the last one for sure. So next year (we're hoping) I'll probably revisit my "sleep ~8h" goal haha

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2 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

Mon 10.21 (part 2)

30 day proactivity test - day 5

So my commitment was to keep reading Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind. I like one of the metaphors which Covey used with a ladder, saying that "it is possible to keep climbing a very long ladder, only to get to the top and find that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall." The argument here is that chasing success and victories isn't always worth it; some victories are empty (like achievements from video games), and some successes coming at the expense of far more valuable things (like putting work over family and friendships).

That is why he started with the funeral exercise. What we do every day should get us closer to what we wanted those people to say of us. Brilliant and insightful, and really helped me understand this better.

Reflecting again on Mohammad's question earlier, this is also why journaling matters so much to me. I know I could journal privately, but it helps me to post here too because of the accountability. That is also why I don't mind spending a good chunk of time writing and typing.

Hey Cozy, I didn't quote it, but the idea of knowing already you'll simply revisit your sleep requirement next year struck me. How do we make every second count without our eyes clued to a digital (I assume) timer on a watch or overhead board? - Not to mention alarms. Maybe my default mode is actually trying to get lost in the feeling of making good time, like at the gym today (I could only see the time/TV screens with difficulty).

After my forced psychological investigations started in 2013, I've mainly only been interested in felt productive energies to reassure that I'm not just galavanting around as a false self, to put it one way. Counting down from 3 until the school bell rang with my watch in sync with office time is over (bells at college? Heh), but should people like me replace it and become task masters again where possible? I also have less interest in accidentally rivalling my dad's similar abilities (when I was more driven, he once dictated when to flip meat on the barbecue right on the minute, almost beating away my appetite). I'm better at my current niche in the family. Beware skill territoriality! I do say all of this with some end in mind. My solace as a young kid used to be only music, and pausing it on the second/minute to evaluate random thoughts that came up - alone timey stuff - and then checked on my family.

As for what we want people to say for us, unless it's some kind of madly inspiring story for me, my moments are largely my own and I think I wouldn't mind much. "He didn't give in to the devil!", or something, Idk. lol I mainly want to practice humble/amusing expression on our little rock here. 😛 

Posted (edited)

Oct 10.22 (part 1)

  • No compulsive social media use: 20 days
  • No compulsive research: 20 days
  • No passive screentime during work: 23 days

ITAA meeting on 2-way prayer today. Lately I've been feeling like I wasn't making much of an impact to my kids. So I spoke about that to my HP (my conscience) during this meeting, and what I got was to be patient; that change in yourself leads to influence on others, but it doesn't happen immediately either. I think I knew that already too, but it's a good reminder to meditate and really listen.

Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - I went to bed around 10pm after posting, but I then woke up wanting to read more. So I read more 7 Habits until 11:15pm give or take, then went to bed shortly after and woke up at 6:30am.

Stretch - morning getting out of bed, before workout, and during standing breaks from work

Go for walks / Exercise - gym workout with my wife; weighted lunges, bicep curls (new milestone; 35lbs per hand), ab twists, and planks to finish (new milestone for both of us; 2min).

Drink Water - yeah I keep drinking water all day. Basic goal but so easy to forget. It's a good reminder to keep here, specially as I am finishing work

Wash face + body - yes, after working out, I did both. I am noting that I used to forget doing this, would wait until nighttime. Now it's starting to be habit to do it in the shower, right after workout. It's just easier and less likely that I will forget.

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - 2 apples (we have tons) and yogurt with cashews
  • lunch - leftover rice + more apples (seriously, we still have like 30+ left)
  • dinner - chicken from a place down the street

Talk to my partner - yeah we've been talking about gifts for the holidays (she is done, she shops really early; I'll be waiting till next month). Also we have a party coming up we are going to with all the kids; a friend of ours is hosting. Him and his girlfriend moved in together early this year, they're now having a combined house-warming and Halloween party this weekend. Very nice of them to invite our kids too, they will be having relatives over who also have kids. I'm happy to go.

Talk with my kids + play with them - later today after work I'll be playing with them. During lunch I had a moment of playtime with my youngest, him crawling on the floor and me just sitting beside him, engaged on what he was playing with.

Read a book - yep, 7 Habits this morning, and will continue later today.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, this morning and during ITAA. I am starting to make it a more active response of mine to meditate when I start to feel overwhelmed or stressed, rather than waiting for these emotions to "take over"

Practice French - Oui, talked with my middle kids educator, although no Duolingo yet. I'll do some tonight 

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - entry is here 🙂

-----

7 Habits

30 day proactivity test - day 6

My commitment yesterday was to keep reading Habit 2: Think with the End in Mind and as usual, I'm going to keep sharing here.

There is a part in this chapter of the book that focuses on leadership and management. They are both different, Covey writes. To use the ladder example from the previous entry; "Management is efficiency in climbing the ladder of success; leadership determines whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall."

The author then uses a humorous story of an expedition team, which is cutting through a thick jungle using machetes. He calls the ones who are cutting the producers, the ones who problem solve; and behind them is a group of managers, who are sharpening the producers machetes and setting up compensation for them. The leader is the one who climbs to the tallest tree and surveys the entire situation; the leader yells "wrong jungle!" - to which managers and producers often respond with a "we're busy! we're making progress!"

This allegory is used to illustrate that point he was making earlier, of how it's entirely possible to be very busy by focusing on the wrong things. So "to begin with the end in mind" essentially deals with Leadership.

The book then provides a way for me to create my own mission statement. That's something I will likely be doing tonight and posting tomorrow though. I want to read more from the book and more from the website it linked me to for making my own mission statement (there's a free tool apparently). So my commitment tomorrow will be to expand on what a Mission Statement is and make my own.

Oh and I'll post later with the MASTER checklist, and its application, for the 7th and final day. Consider this the majority of the entry today though.

Updated with MASTER checklist:

MASTER (day 7)

I think this is going to be a tool I use moving forward, whenever I'm mentally blocked or stuck, and to review any reactive responses I have moving forward. It's very helpful.

Today I experienced a mental block starting an old task; this task for work was put on hold 2 weeks ago, it took a backseat due to an issue that arose and broke a pipeline. This project has no clear "blueprint"... to use the example of what I'm reading with 7 Habits on "begin with the end in mind"

  • Measure = 5 / 5 - this is a project that I know can benefit the entire company, it is in a bit of a rough state but still valuable as a whole and still used.
  • Assess = procrastinate when the beginning steps are unclear; braindump my flow of thoughts or sit with the boredom ...
    • Problem is, I can't force my mind to suddenly focus. It actually makes things worse, and that is what I was trying for a while; my mind kept fighting me, because it really felt uncomfortable
    • That is when I tend to really crave my bottom lines; social media scrolling, quickly picking up my phone, switching to an easier and unrelated task compulsively, cycling through emails which can lead to researching compulsively.
    • I want to state, that I did not engage in my bottom lines; I caught myself, meditated to clear my head, and then worked on this MASTER list
  • See stimulus -> Response model
    • Ambiguous  task -> struggling to start -> leads to response of procrastination
  • Think of another response
    • Definitely use the MASTER checklist first and foremost when feeling blocked
    • The other responses I thought of for this specific situation: I can message the chat for the project I'm working on; let someone know I need guidance. I know I shouldn't feel shame doing this. It's okay to ask for help, that goes for work too.
    • I can also work on clarifying the future state; practicing Habit 2 that is. The blueprint of where I'd like the project to be at, rather than just the "current state"
  • Engage or exit =  Engage
  • Review = much more confident approach to starting, let me type a message after applying the checklist and working through it. I'll send it tomorrow. For today, I focused on the blueprint of where I'd like the project to be at. And I have gained clarity.

Just because it's my last day practicing it - according to the book - doesn't mean I won't post about this MASTER list again. In fact, I know there are some exercises it asks me to come back to at the end of day 7 and reflect on. But I'll leave that for tomorrow's journal as well.

----

16 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

Hey Cozy, I didn't quote it, but the idea of knowing already you'll simply revisit your sleep requirement next year struck me. How do we make every second count without our eyes clued to a digital (I assume) timer on a watch or overhead board? - Not to mention alarms. Maybe my default mode is actually trying to get lost in the feeling of making good time, like at the gym today (I could only see the time/TV screens with difficulty).

After my forced psychological investigations started in 2013, I've mainly only been interested in felt productive energies to reassure that I'm not just galavanting around as a false self, to put it one way. Counting down from 3 until the school bell rang with my watch in sync with office time is over (bells at college? Heh), but should people like me replace it and become task masters again where possible? I also have less interest in accidentally rivalling my dad's similar abilities (when I was more driven, he once dictated when to flip meat on the barbecue right on the minute, almost beating away my appetite). I'm better at my current niche in the family. Beware skill territoriality! I do say all of this with some end in mind. My solace as a young kid used to be only music, and pausing it on the second/minute to evaluate random thoughts that came up - alone timey stuff - and then checked on my family.

As for what we want people to say for us, unless it's some kind of madly inspiring story for me, my moments are largely my own and I think I wouldn't mind much. "He didn't give in to the devil!", or something, Idk. lol I mainly want to practice humble/amusing expression on our little rock here. 😛 

Hey Matt,

For me, it's about making every day count, not necessarily every second. There will be bursts of time when we aren't doing much, and that can actually still be productive too; the times when we are bored or not doing much are what we make of them.

There is an episode of Bluey, an animated show about a family of anthropomorphic dogs for preschoolers, where they go on a road trip. The dad is too focused on making good time to get to a campsite with his family, but they keep making pit stops because they have young kids who need more regular breaks. Eventually they end up stuck behind traffic; but his kids are happy nonetheless, pretend-playing in the backseat. The dad is sad for driving slowly; he says "we were making such good time..." to which his wife then responds "but look (gesturing to the kids); we're making good times." I like that a lot.

Mind you, Bluey is a children's show lol, but I love it; it appeals to adults too thanks to also having lessons like this one. This episode in particular, it reminds me that sometimes you'll just be bored and that's okay; being bored is still a valuable experience, it can be a great opportunity to check-in with yourself, or to notice or think about something new.

In regards to timers, you certainly don't have to use one always, same with a clock. Not everything needs minutes or notes. I will use my Pomodoro timer for my work and for my breaks, because I've learned that I will overwork myself otherwise. But I will not use one when I spend time with my family or friends, and for appointments I will use a calendar with notifications to alert me. I'm not perfect at this either, but I am practicing everyday with mindfulness and meditation, to ensure that I am more attentive at the areas of which I may want to adjust.

The reason why I know I'll need to revisit my sleep requirement is precisely because of practice; I do have 3 kids at this point! 😄 But yeah, I don't necessarily look at a clock and make sure that I go to bed at an exact second necessarily, it has become a habit of mine instead. I know that, when we have another one, it will depend on their personality and whether they sleep through the night or not. That is when I'll adjust when I go to bed and when I wake up. My 1st and 3rd kids started to sleep soundly after they were 2mo. My 2nd one however did not, he was up every 2h throughout the entire infant stage. So I take advantage of parental leave, and use that period to learn what works best. I've gotten the practice to learn at this point, knowing to expect this.

What we do every day should get us closer to what we wanted those people to say of us.

In regards to this section; it's not so much about what we want people to say to us, I worded it this way because it was directed to the funeral exercise of what the 4 assumed speakers would say after we pass. Rather, the idea here is that it's about the impact we would have liked to make; that the idea we have of ourselves, and what we would like to live up to, and that we would also be imprinted onto people who knew us closely in that idea. So that's more driven to the point that Covey is making with the 7 Habits.

Let me know if I misunderstood anything you asked, or if you want more clarity. I appreciate your discussion and questions 🙂

Edited by D_Cozy
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 Wed 10.23 (part 1)

  • No compulsive social media use: 21 days
  • No compulsive research: 21 days
  • No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work: 24 days

Yesterday was hard, but this morning felt even more difficult with cravings. My mind really "misses" (that's how it feels) going on Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, Discord, etc. and also it "misses" just sporadically looking something up, going on wikis and editing articles that I follow.

Yesterday night, I did some supervised research - my wife being the one supervising, set up a 10min timer so I didn't fall into a rabbit hole - on a new phone that I'd like to get; my lease for the current one is almost up. I'm looking at a phone that supports a stylus, since I tend to use the stylus in my current phone to take notes throughout the day (I much prefer and I find it faster to just jot down messy notes, over typing on a touch screen). This approach worked mostly I'd say, but this may be one of the sources for why I felt strong cravings afterwards. It felt so easy after that to try and justify looking up something else that catches my curiosity, it'll be "quick" is what it felt like I was hearing. Gosh, I sound insane 😛 But it's how I felt. I allowed myself to just put my phone down and start meditating instead.

After meditating this morning, I also think it's because of the MASTER problem from yesterday that I typed out; it's an ambiguous work task, a trigger for me to crave a bottom line because they are "easy" to do. Struggling with procrastination is something I've had to "power" through my entire life, having ADHD. Reflecting though, I think that powering through something has been precisely the problem. So for today, I'm going to be very respectful of my Pomodoros.

I have more to post later, but I'm keeping it at this for now. Quick 5min post for this morning. Will be back later.

Edited by D_Cozy
oct -> wed
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Wed 10.23 (part 2)

Better half of the morning and afternoon, I immediately dove into those diagrams to figure out what I wanted the current state of this ambiguous project to look like. Also attended an ITAA meeting on meditation, and we discussed bottom line cravings. If you are curious about what I shared in ITAA, you can read this other post I made today on another topic; it's the same points of dealing with cravings I made in that post.

Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - I went to bed at 10:30pm, slept soundly until it was 6am when the baby woke up. Good sleep overall, though feeling stiff cuz of kids.

Stretch - morning getting out of bed, in particular really needed that because the 2 older kids joined us at some point in the night (I didn't wake up, must have adjusted in my sleep to be in a not-so-comfortable position)

Go for walks / Exercise - no gym this morning, instead went for two 20min walks with my dogs (for a total of 40min) outside. I tired both of them out. I don't do that enough, so I thought that for today I would focus on cardio with my doggies. Pets need exercise too! Later today, I'll work on some push-ups and crunches; after all my kids are asleep.

Drink Water - throughout the day

Wash face + body - still need to do. Will commit tonight

Nutrition:

  • breakfast - cereal (cheerios) with fruit and coffee
  • lunch - pan fried mushrooms with eggs
  • dinner - to do, but will be chicken and cucumber salad

Talk to my partner - she tagged along with me to drop off my middle kid, and I helped her out throughout my breaks with laundry tasks at home. I don't mind using my breaks for off-screen chores, it's something I've found to actually benefit me because those micro-victories at home can carry over to how I perform at work.

Talk with my kids + play with them - My oldest kid mentioned he wanted to do some game together after school, though I can't remember exactly what he mentioned at the moment, so I'll ask him later 😛 and we will do that as long as it doesn't interfere with their bedtime routines. My oldest also has a PD day on Friday, something he's been looking forward to as a way for us to spend time together. I'm looking forward to it as I can do stuff with him in between my breaks.

Read a book - yes indeed, I read more of the 7 Habits. Got to a really interesting part about the centers we tend to focus on.

Meditate + deep breaths - yes, at the meeting this morning, afterwards as well during a break

Practice French - to do still, I'll carve some time out when my kids get home and speak to them in French

Journal (gratitude and reflection) - I'm pretty grateful for that Master checklist.

-----

7 Habits

30 day proactivity test - day 7

My commitment today is to expand on what a Mission Statement is and make my own.

Well, it takes time to make your own mission statement. The website that the Covey book links me to says so itself. So that is something I'm working on. My first draft of my own personal Mission Statement currently is:

I will be an honest, loving, kind, supportive and present family member, coworker, volunteer and friend.

In all walks of life, my journey is to be a loving husband and father, so that those which I care for may remember me as someone who was there to help them, support them, guide them and listen to them.

I like this because it represents 5 things which I think are very important; love, honesty, kindness, support, and awareness. All of these things are traits that I want to live up to, as well as verbs (actions) that I want to practice everyday.

There is a lot more that goes into a Mission Statement than just this, but I don't necessarily want to bog down this post with all my personal details either. It is still in a rough draft, and I'd like to share it with my wife first too; I may eventually post it here, but that day will not be today.

So instead, I'll shift to briefly explain what a Mission Statement is as I understand it. A Mission Statement is the center for what we stand for; it is our basis for making major, life-directing decisions, the basis for making daily decisions in the midst of the situations and emotions that affect our lives. Whatever is a the center of our life is the source of our security, guidance, wisdom and power.

I think what really helped me put this Mission Statement together, as is summarized above anyways, is having worked on two things.

First, the Sobriety Worksheet; that exercise has been pivotal for identifying what addictive behaviors I'm prone to, and also identifying situations and emotions which are triggering for me, and which I would reactively submit to my urges to browse Reddit or (this is going back years) spinning pokestops and starting auto-battles to "keep up with the grind".

The second thing is the things which I keep doing every day to keep myself physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually and mentally healthy; "the things which I will do every day to stay healthy." They are honestly so helpful at ensuring that my needs are met in healthy ways. Every day that I do them, I feel fulfilled, no matter how hard the cravings may have been that day. If I were to still be deep into my addictive behaviors, I know I wouldn't feel this way; I'd be too busy looking at my phone, either playing a game and not noticing how beautiful the fall scenery was while walking (instead I'd be too busy with something like Pokemon Go or E&P). My mind would be too distracted, wondering about my Reddit karma or my post likes. I wouldn't be living life; I would simply be floating by life.

My top lines from the sobriety sheet naturally guided me towards those things, and I think that is what has helped me truly get to know myself; my roles, the scripts that I was following rather than writing my own, and what situations and emotions bring up my weaknesses.

MASTER (exercises post-week)

What is the stimulus of your frustration or unhappiness? How do you respond?

Having used the checklist, as well as having worked on my Mission Statement, I see now that (at least one of) my weaknesses lies in ambiguous tasks; open ended problems that are not very well defined. It makes sense then that I tend to thrive with closed problems, those which are well defined and have a list of steps.

Being faced with an open-ended task tends to be the stimulus for my frustration, which then leads to me responding by procrastinating or putting the task off. It doesn't really address it though.

What other choices might exist between the stimulus and the response?

I see now that I can use the MASTER checklist to think through those situations where I react with frustration, anger, retreat, fear and so on. Sometimes it does make sense to exit too; if the task is not particularly important or if it's not worth chasing an empty victory. I like how that first Measure step allows me to put in perspective the importance by thinking about it first.

I also see that I am allowed to ask for help, and that I can work on defining a blueprint; what I want the end to look like (Thinking with the End in Mind) for an ambiguous task or project. Habit 2 is going to help me a lot with this, to be proactive and grow myself in this area that I'm not comfortable in.

---

Anyway. I'm at very interesting part of the book now, which talks about the different centers that everyone has, which their paradigms are based out of. There are parts of life like marriage and work are very healthy to have; but they are not good to center your life around. What does the book mean by that? I'll write about it tomorrow; there's a lot to cover! Consider that my commitment to share here for the proactivity test, The Alternate Centers.

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