Mindfully engaging with technology - "Things I will do every day to stay healthy"

[D_Cozy]

13 hours ago, Torch said:

Oh my goodness!  The candy cravings!  I can relate!  Yesterday night, I was reaching for chocolate Hershey Kisses!  I ate 10 of them all at once before bed.

I wonder if the changing weather prompts our bodies to reach for sugar-stimulating foods?  Junk food tends to give us a short sugar rush before we come crashing down.  Perhaps it's healthy fats that we are missing?  Or even Vitamin D?  So I will experiment with taking Omega -3 fish oil x2 per night, and also Vitamin D.  We are Vitamin D deficient especially during Fall/Winter time when we don't get enough sunlight.  I hope this helps.  I'll be experimenting x 1 week to see if I feel any better and my carb cravings diminish.

Yeah the days get a lot shorter here, I'm in Canada. With the fall-back time change, it's bright at 7am but dark at 5pm. And it's going to keep going like that.

That is probably why sometimes I'll also put sugar in my coffee. It wakes me up quicker. But I do notice the crash hits me hard sometimes at noon, and I need another coffee. And it certainly doesn't help that my kids got quite the candy horde from Halloween haha 😄 Temptations!

[D_Cozy]

Tue 11.05 (part 2)

I've updated my journal's template, and I'm going to start including how many days it has been since I sobered myself up from mobile games.

• No mobile games - 196 days

This dates back to April 23rd, 2024. The worst games for me on my phone I quit waaay back 4 years ago, so that date is to call out when I quit all mobile games for good. Before that point I had thought that it was only with those games which I was struggling with. Wasn't until that day when I realized that I was binge-playing anything on my phone; even just casual matching games, even a simple Solitaire app honestly was bad for me and could lead to hours of wasted time chasing the fastest and best solvability (yah lol seriously). The time I had spent playing them felt super wasteful. That was the day which I uninstalled every game off my phone, and it has stayed that way since.

I decided to start tracking it because, in one of my earlier posts, I did note a temptation to install a really basic looking matching game on my phone while checking the weather (saw an ad for it). It will motivate me to keep my phone clean from games.

7 habits - proactivity test - day 18

Commitments yesterday:
* Work on the Personal Mission Statement questions from the workbook
    * Review my journal posts here to aid me

I'm not going to post this today, but it's all on paper. I'm getting pretty tired. The next section was basically a rapid fire brainstorm that leaned on the first few questions we covered, and it was exciting but also the book had a note saying to "take a break" after finishing it haha. I think it's similar to what we do in ITAA 2-way meditation, where we write what we talk about with our higher power, but we also take a moment to examine and review what we wrote; to make sure it is honest and coming from our HP.

* Commit to writing my next entry on paper

I'll continue this tomorrow as well.

* NOT check the news for election stuff tomorrow (I will be strong, and I will live!)

Have not checked 🙂 Not compulsively anyway, I did get a peek of the start of the results from the bar downstairs in my building, but that was while I was bringing my dogs out. And I know there's no use stressing about what I saw, because things are going to be clear tomorrow.

Commitments for tonight/tomorrow:
* Keep writing the entry on paper
* Continue with the 7 Habits Mission statement exercises

[D_Cozy]

Wed 11.06

• No mobile games - 197 days
• No compulsive social media use: 35 days
• No compulsive research: 35 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 38 days

Recently, I've had cravings resurface about going back to Reddit, Discord and Twitter. These were the worst time wasters for me, and probably still are (I'm not going to go back to test that just to find out).

I journal about these cravings because it is so far the best way I have found to redirect my desire to write (that is the root). Just write it out, like I am doing now. The craving eventually does its thing, but I don't engage with it; I feel it out, and let it pass. Then, after writing about the craving, I meditate to think about why I'm feeling a craving, and practice writing to myself. Then I detail about the answers I think of to those questions I asked myself, my own conciense (or Higher Power).

This is called 2-way prayer, which is the thing I do at the meetings I attend on Tuesday mornings. If it's alright, I'll take a moment to detail the 2-way prayer practice I did.

Through meditation, I did start thinking; am I satisfying the craving with writing? Or am I supressing the craving? Is it a bit of both? Is journaling compulsively something I should be worried about? These are the questions I asked my higher power. And here is what I got back:

There is improvement I can still make; but do not give up journaling. Better to spend 30min broken up through the day writing this entry out, than it is to waste an entire 8h workday browsing endless topics on non-essential forums. But keep working on my sense of self, my compass in life, and in managing my time; as long as I keep a balance with the other important areas of my life, journaling can be an effective tool to let me refocus and then return to work. Keep doing that with a Pomodoro timer when cravings arise, then practice 2-way prayer.

Finally, I ask myself, if this is really my conscience, or if this answer is justification and rationalization. Important to make sure that these are honest thoughts and not coming from an alternative center, rather that these thoughts are based from how I understand correct principles. And I think this is a good and honest answer I got back. It even touches upon the 7 Habits there, in regards to the principles and paradigms content that the book starts with (the sense of self, compass in life and time management part).

Yeah, this can be an overwhelming process indeed... but I am satisfied with the answer I got back. It gives me direction, even if it lets me know that striving for quality is a life's worth of work. It will take practice and consistency understanding correct principles and reframing my values and mission statement to align with them. It's not going to get done in a day, but that's ok.

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Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - I went to bed at 10pm, but then woke up at 11pm because the baby awoke. After he was asleep, that is also when I realized I didn't submit my part 2 yesterday, so I did that and then went back to bed by 11:35pm. My wife took most of the night shifts with the baby, and I got up at 4:30am to do one, which he then fell asleep by 5am and until 6:30am thankfully. All in all... about 7h of sleep total. I'm feeling a bit tired, but not as much as I felt it on Monday.

Stretch - upon waking up, also before and after my "workout" today (will explain shortly...)

Go for walks / Exercise - My wife had an appointment this morning, so I did some exercises while waiting for her in the parking lot; my middle kid and the baby both in the car, the middle kid was there because daycare closed due to not enough educators.

For working out, I did dips, using an open door in our car to support myself, and I did inclined push-ups the same way. 4 sets each. That's all I did with the environment I had; I do wish I could've done weights, but it's fine! I feel like I made an effort. I did get quick looks from passerby's, but I paid them no more attention than they did with brief glances.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - I meditated in the car while waiting for my wife. And then again later in the day. See the intro to this post.

Drink Water - in the car I also brought my water bottle with me. Good reminder again for me to keep it full.

Shower + wash face - oh yeah, I should have a rinse actually. I'll do that after posting, we got back late from the appointment.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: yogurt with nuts.
• Lunch: leftover chicken that my in-laws gave us.
• Dinner: air-fried burgers with salad on the side after work.

Talk to my partner - throughout the car ride. We talked about how my oldest is struggling a bit with sounding out some words; my wife got a message from his teacher about things we can do right now to help practice at home. His teacher is optimistic about improvement though, and she's understanding that being born late in the year contributes for why he's not as far ahead as other kids his age. So we'll work on it, we got resources from the teacher.

Talk to my kids + play with them - I was with both the baby and middle kid so my wife could focus on the exercises with my oldest, per above. Also read a book to all 3 of them

Read a book - I will be reading more of the 7 Habits workbook and see how far I get tonight.

Practice French - I practiced French lessons while waiting in the car. I forgot to do the French story though, so this time I'm making it a commitment; I'll do it tomorrow with and go through those steps indie_rok gave me.

Journal - Here is my entry for the day, and I'm grateful to keep journaling. I feel like I have boundless energy to keep doing this every day of my life!

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7 habits - proactivity test - day 19

Commitments yesterday:
* Keep writing my journals on paper first
Okay so I wrote my mission statement exercises on paper. Not so much the entire entry though. I will be honest about that. I did stick to writing on the computer Notepad though, and I have found it to be more effective; because it does keep the actual personal stuff separate from the work stuff that I do in Notepad++. So I'm getting good results there.

What I got out of this was; workbook exercises on paper, and personal journal (the template part) on computer are both okay to do. Then combine after.

* Continue with Mission Statement exercises
The ones I did on paper first were these ones. What stood out to me was the way these questions were written in steps:
1. Brainstorm Ideas: spend about three minutes on each question.
    Identify an influential person
    Define who you want to become - Imagine it's twenty yers in the future; what is your list of accomplishments? What do you want to do, have and be?
    Determine what is important to you today
2. Take a breather.
3. Gather your thoughts; review what you've written and circle key ideas, words, and phrases that you would like to include in your Mission Statement.
4. Write a rough draft; during the week, carry your rough draft with you and make notes, additions, and deletions s needed each day.

The things I circled in step 3, which became the basis for step 4:
* live life, maintain work-life balance
* be a role model with good morals and values
* be a patient, honest and loving partner and father
* positive impact; promote and drive positive experiences, and make a difference at my job and my home life
* stay healthy and fit
* explore and commit to fulfilling activities, like my creative writing pursuits

For the rough draft, I suppose it's something that I did a while back. So I am going to review my summary here:
    I will be an honest, kind, supportive and loving husband, coworker, volunteer and friend.

That is what I said, but now I'm going to tweak it;
    I will strive to live a balanced life in my creative pursuits, my job, my family life, and my spiritual life; being honest, patient, loving and driving a positive impact based on my values with everything I do.

Few more steps after that, which I will be doing throughout this week:
5. Complete Your Mission Statement - at the end of the week, write a final copy of your mission statement and find a permanent place for it where you can easily access it.

I plan on keeping it in my whiteboard, and also on my profile's "About me" section of this forum.

6. Periodically Review and Evaluate - Every month or so, ask yourself the following questions:
* Does this mission statement represent the best within me?
* Do I feel direction, purpose, challenge, and motivation when I review my mission statement?
* AM I living my life according to the ideals and values that are incorporated in my mission statement?

So that is something I'll be working on throughout this week.

Commitments for tonight/tomorrow:
* French practice with story and younger kids; see if I post about it this time
* Read more 7 Habits workbook and get through more exercises

[D_Cozy]

Thu 11.07

• No mobile games - 198 days
• No compulsive social media use: 36 days
• No compulsive research: 36 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 39 days

Today was fairly busy, moreso than I remembered it would be yesterday; had to go pick up holiday presents that were pre-ordered, and also did volunteering; for the latter, I got thrown off due to not volunteering last Thursday (because it was Halloween). I'm going to keep this entry short as a result.

The most notable things from today to call out in this reflection part were at work and volunteering.

At work, I FINALLY got a script working to deploy a resource to Azure. Man... it is an absolute pain to work with Azure. So many IDs to keep track off, all of them called something else depending on where you are looking. I felt almost "drunk" after finishing, and I'm making a note of that; it's almost like all the work research I did and the final pay-off elated me. It all was very productive though; so I'm just watching myself to make sure I don't go on a "hangover" after success (as per the meditation I did today; details on that follow). This also aligns with the 7 Habits, particularly the 2nd one of beginning with the end in mind; what I'm doing is more like devops work, even though I'm a database engineer, but I'm learning a lot and taking this opportunity to expand my skillset beyond my comfort zone.

Volunteering today was more research heavy more than anything. I looked through a massive city budget document to find data that was missing from the govs public files. This is exactly why we are working on this project, it's very confusing to make any sense of this data even if it is public. Our goal is to get a dashboard that can easily filter this data and isolate key points, and have boxes which can quickly be checked on or off. Say to make sense of the Police budget, or the Parks and Recreation budget. This is info that I had no idea was made public until I looked into it myself with this volunteering activity.

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Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - Closer to 7h today, went to bed shortly after my update yesterday around 11:10pm, and then I got up at 6:30am. Today was a two coffees kinda day

Stretch - after waking up, before the gym workout and afterwards. Also I've been using my standing desk on the stand setting throughout today, to make in-between stretching easier (also easier on my back)

Go for walks / Exercise - This morning, my wife and I did squats, ab twists, and planks. I'm glad we worked out together.

Shower + wash face - after the workout I did both of these

Meditate + Deep Breaths - after the shower. Todays guided one was about this idea of a self-doubt hangover; after a really successful project, I've noticed myself that I tend to then come down from that high and think thoughts like "I could've done that instead" or "maybe this didn't drive the impact I thought it would" and so forth. It's my inner saboteur doubting my success. But the guided meditation also reminded me that this is just our narrative; not necessarily what others really thought, chances are it's better than what our mind makes it out to be.

^Hence why I'm keeping an eye for tomorrow on myself. Gotta make sure I carry this feeling to keep succeeding and moving forward with the project, not to hide away from it now that the "hard" part is over. You'd think now that I have easy things to do for work tomorrow I'd just do them, right? Well... ADHD is a funny thing, I often leave things unfinished as soon as they get easy. The fact I'm aware of this is a good sign, and that is why I'm journaling about it; so I don't fall into procrastination tomorrow.

Drink Water - I did stay very well hydrated today, I made some carbonated water in advance.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: cereal
• Lunch: I made some quesadillas for myself
• Dinner: my wife and I had to run an errand, we packed up the kids and then we just picked up take-out because it was getting late

Talk to my partner - during gym workout, running an errand later in the day, and we spent time together at night after all kids were asleep. She likes horror a lot, one thing she likes to do is watch horror movies / series together. We stopped at 10:15pm which is a bit later than I would've liked, but I'm not going to be anal either about 15min.

Talk to my kids + play with them - I totally forgot I had civic tech club when writing yesterdays entry, not only that but also forgot about having to go out with my wife to go pick up some holiday gifts. I did get to spend some fun time with all my kids after though, I took over the bath time for the kids and got them dressed for bed, and I read stories in French to the baby.

Read a book - Children's stories aside, I did do some 7 Habits just now before getting ready for bed and transcribing this out.

Practice French - I only got a chance to practice while I was holding the baby; I forgot about me volunteering today for the civic tech club in my city. Children's books are helping me too haha 😄

Journal - short entry today

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7 habits - proactivity test - day 20

Commitments yesterday:
* French practice with story and younger kids

Yes, as per above.

* Read more 7 Habits workbook and get through more exercises

As I said, I did do these. But I'll be posting them from paper -> typing tomorrow... That will be a commitment. It's already pretty late and I should prioritize going to bed soon rather than transferring more from paper to computer in this entry.

Commitments tomorrow:
* Post my paper exercises in my entry tomorrow
* Do more exercises as well; maybe see if I can finish Habit 2s exercises (I'll make that last part a stretch though)

[D_Cozy]

Fri 11.08

• No mobile games - 199 days
• No compulsive social media use: 37 days
• No compulsive research: 37 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 40 days

Earlier today, I took some time to write a post here on this forums general section; (Don't think of Moderation as the End Goal; Think of Sobriety as the End Goal)[https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/11173-dont-think-of-moderation-as-the-end-goal-think-of-sobriety-as-the-end-goal/]. I wrote about where I am coming from, and that gives background on why I have those specific day counters for the goals I've set up for myself. I also shared the link to the worksheet from ITAA which helped me get that clarity for myself.

My last ADHD coaching session was today, the last one my company is providing anyways. That has been so helpful honestly, and it's been what really motivated me to start journaling again. And she was very pleasantly surprised when I told her that I've been journaling for 43 days straight now (since Sept 26th). She told me to keep doing it too, because journaling is very helpful for reflecting and maintaining the good habits I've built so far. All around great feedback to get, and I'm glad she's been seeing the difference too.

This helped a lot, I did talk about yesterday how I might be less productive today; and for the first hour it seemed that was what was going to happen. Talking with her really gave me some good action items to maintain the habits I've formed and to not fall into this trap of "settling back" after a good accomplishment.

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Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - To bed at 11:45pm and woke up at 6:45am, all around about 7 hours again. I stayed up working through the 7 Habits workbook. My last journal entry was posted shortly after I finished those exercises. Partly, I think the lateness is because I forgot about some of the plans I had committed to; errands with my wife and volunteering online. So if I am to maintain these things that I want to do every day, I have to also make an effort to note down commitments in my calendar, check it as well (not just waiting for alerts) and then communicate them with my wife earlier in the day.

Stretch - upon waking up, before the gym workout and afterwards too.

...I've been pretty good about stretching, so next entry I'm going to remove it from this template. I feel confident enough to have baked this as a good habit, and I regularly don't say much about it anymore. I'll keep doing it, and if I have to mention something about it, I'll put it under the exercise objective.

...But I'm also gonna add an objective; Brush teeth + Floss. I have noticed that I tend to forget the flossing part some nights. And tonight is gonna be the night I will commit to making both of these a thing. I'll brush AND floss after this entry is posted. I'll make this a night habit.

Go for walks / Exercise - My wife and I did quite a bit of arms; bicep curls, tricep extensions, lateral lifts, flys, and overhead press. We finished with planks. Very good workout today; despite waking up a bit late, I did get my kids to school fairly quickly this morning, which helped get more gym time before work.

Shower + wash face - got both done after the workout.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - At work today, there was actually a guided meditation that they set up for employees to do during a break. That was mighty kind of them! They invited a meditation coach to do it for us. It was great! The theme was about taking a moment to check-in with ourselves as a way to expand our perspective and achieve our goals; we often show up for other people, but we don't tend to make time to show up for ourselves (to check-in with us). So we tell ourselves 3 times; "may we be safe and secure, may we be peaceful and at ease, and may we be kind to ourselves in this moment."

Drink Water - yes. I will still keep this even though I don't say much about it, because it is a helpful reminder for me :D

Nutrition
* Breakfast: 2 banana muffins my mother in law brought us (very kind of her)
* Lunch: omelette with spicy peppers and cheese
* Dinner: quick pasta dinner

Talk to my partner - I was told by my ADHD coach during our final session to use accountability partners for my commitments; so that helps me explain for why I find journaling on this forum to be effective. One thing she mentioned was to also mention my accomplishments to my wife, and letting her know what my commitments are for the next day. I'll keep that in mind and do that, and moving forward.

Talk to my kids + play with them - Tonight I read more books with my kids, which also serve as good French practice for me.

Read a book - The 7 Habits workbook, see section below.

Practice French - I posted on NewHopes intro topic en français, did Duolingo earlier, and practiced with my partner and kids.

Journal - I am grateful that I've stayed logged off all social media besides my Messenger account for 37 days now. I like this feeling of being more aware and mindful with what I do.

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7 habits - proactivity test - day 21

Commitments yesterday:
* Post my paper exercises in my entry tomorrow
* Do more exercises as well; maybe see if I can finish Habit 2s exercises (I'll make that last part a stretch though)

Reviewing my personal mission statement first:
    I will strive to live a balanced life in my creative pursuits, my job, my family life, and my spiritual life; being honest, patient, loving and driving a positive impact based on my values with everything I do.

I'm going to modify it a bit to this;
    My mission is to be an honest, patient, loving and positive source of energy and support. I will strive to hold a balanced lifestyle in everything I do; my family, my job, my hobbies and creative pursuits, and my spirituality. I will drive a positive impact to the best of my ability, based on my values with everything I do. I will keep an open mind, seeking to understand before being understood. I will continue to strive for improvement, use the tools which I've been given and found successful, and always work on my personal growth.

I feel that this better represents what I want to be and strive for. But I'll keep doing edits to it and revisit on the 13th to do steps 5 and 6 from that workbook. I'll update the About Me section of my profile for now with this statement.

Roles and Goals

The workbook asks me to write my roles in life, limiting it to seven or less just for this exercise. Also write the statement of optimal performance in role. What sticks out to me:
==Father==
Be patient, kind, loving, an active listener, someone to make good times with, and a good role model.

==Husband==
Never compromise honesty. Be an active listener, spend quality couple time together, working together to raise successful children and have a lifetime of great experiences together.

== Software/Database Engineer ==
Be interdependent in my work, driving and achieving a greater impact with my team. Continue to work towards self improvement with the techniques I picked up from ADHD Coaching.

== Friend ==
Spend quality time with friends regularly, being a good listener and supportive with them.

== Writer ==
Write readable and understandable documentation. Express my creative ideas through (short) stories and prose, review my journaling for my self reflection, with a goal of publishing later in life.

== Volunteer ==
continue to volunteer with the online tech club, find a physical place in my community to also volunteer and/or donate which I'm passionate about

**Goals**

Goals are what give your mission statement momentum; they create a plan of action and help measure whether or not you are successfully living your mission statement.

Three Long term goals to support my mission, along with solidification reasons for why they matter to me:

Goal 1 - strive towards continuous self improvement in my career, taking the opportunities I am given and making an effort to create opportunities for myself and others.

This goal is important to me so that I may continue to grow in my field. A year or so back, I actually called out that I wanted to get promoted on this forum as one of my goals. But in hindsight, I think I just ended up hoping it would happen to me, rather than actually taking up my ownership to work towards that goal.

Goal 2 - Continue to work on my awareness and mindfulness, sticking with these seeking to first listen to others before being understood.

I tend to blow up a lot and let my emotions control me. By practicing the 7 Habits, along with meditation, that has helped visualize situations which are usually stressful in which I can choose a better response.

Goal 3 - Remain committed to journaling every day and reflecting on my entries frequently to aid me on my growth. Publish my own creative project, be it a collection of short stories or a novel, or even a technical text.

This has been really helpful for me, as I've mentioned several times here, for my own reflection. It also really helps me in the sense that I can focus on what is important to me; the things I will do to stay healthy, for instance, and my mission statement here. As for writing, that is something I do really want to explore in my own time.

--
I did not finish all of Habit 2 yet, but I'll continue either tomorrow or Sunday; I don't want to commit for tomorrow because my oldest is having a birthday party, so that will keep me busy.

The next part is the "How" I plan on accomplishing these goals.

Commitments tomorrow:
* Download copy and go through the ADHD Coaching document on cementing and post-coaching retention strategies.
* Talk to my partner about my commitments that I achieve and set for myself.
* (if time allows) continue with 7 Habits

Good night everybody!

[D_Cozy]

Sat 11.09

Today was a really busy day, what with my oldest having a birthday party. I also traded in my phone today (it was running out of lease time), and I brought my oldest and middle kids to swimming lessons.

• No mobile games - 200 days
• No compulsive social media use: 38 days
• No compulsive research: 38 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 41 days

Gonna keep it short, well short for me anyways.

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Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - went to bed at 11pm, woke up at 7:30am. None of the kids joined us, which was a first! Although I did have to go to my middle kids bed to comfort him (he had a bad dream).

Brush teeth + floss - upon waking up I brushed my teeth. I still have to do this for the night + the flossing part too, so I'm gonna do that after I journal.

Go for walks / Exercise - I was so busy moving things out of the car to make space for all the presents that my kid was going to get. We packed a wagon as well in the car. And I chased 2 kids and watched over a baby in the party... so I'm going to consider that my cardio and workout for the day.

As I've said, weekends are always pretty busy, so I'll take what I can get during those. The gym time is a lot more important to me on weekdays, that I prefer to not skip during weekdays.

Shower + wash face - I'll do this after or before brushing my teeth.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - Oh yeah... today was so busy I didn't even think about it. Okay, I will do some meditation after posting to relax. So order will be meditation -> hygiene stuff called out above.

Drink Water - throughout the day, I brought my water bottle with me when going out.

Nutrition
* Breakfast: cereal
* Lunch: mac n cheese
* Dinner: pizza dinner - which my oldest got sick on actually. My wife and I think he may be lactose intolerant, he also doesn't like milk or cheese snacks anymore and he used to up until last year. It's explaining why now.

Talk to my partner - I talked about my commitments and what I set out to do as part of the Proactivity test. I've told my wife about the 7 Habits and do my best to discuss the material, but I am going to keep up talking about those little commitments I make for myself.

Talk to my kids + play with them - Birthday party... so yeah haha.

Read a book - While my kids were doing swimming lessons, I actually read a bit more of the 7 Habits workbook and transcribed some of the answers I had done. I put my mission statement into a note on my new phone, so I can easily access it.

Practice French - I did about 30min when we got back from the party, after all kids were asleep. Also at the party all of the parents spoke French (as my kid goes to a French school).

Journal - Feeling sober and alive :)

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7 habits - proactivity test - day 22

Commitments yesterday:

• Download copy and go through the ADHD Coaching document on cementing and post-coaching retention strategies.

I've downloaded a copy onto my phone as of the morning, but with it being so busy, I've only reviewed a few of the strategies given. One which I practice often is booking things in my calendar, to the point that I will write it down instantly now.

This is the main reason for why I wanted to have a phone with a stylus, so I could also take handwritten notes on a whim. It helps me to manage my forgetfulness, partly which is caused by my ADHD brain. Well, I guess it's not necessarily forgetfulness; it's also hyperfocus. I notice that I'll be super into a task sometimes, whether it is work or personal. My wife will then ask me to do something, but even if I am attentive at that moment, I will forget about it as soon as I go back to work or the personal task. So writing things down helps me.

 

• Talk to my partner about my commitments that I achieve and set for myself.

Yes, I talked to her about the ADHD coaching goals I got, and how I was going to download the document. All of the above that I wrote down, I also mentioned to her, this is why notetaking and journaling in detail helps me.

• (if time allows) continue with 7 Habits

No, but this was a stretch. I will probably not be doing this tomorrow either, as my parents invited us over so they can celebrate my oldest kids birthday as well 😄 I won't say no to that. But I will still put it as part of my commitments, if time allows.

Commitments tomorrow:

• Continue to review the ADHD Coaching strategies
• (if time allows) continue with 7 Habits

--

Night everyone. I'm now going to meditate -> shower -> brush my teeth (or some similar order) -> finally go to sleep

[D_Cozy]

Sun 11.10

Yet another busy day, because my family wanted to celebrate my oldest kids birthday. Lucky kid gets 3 birthday parties, he has another one after school with my in-laws. 😄

• No mobile games - 201 days
• No compulsive social media use: 39 days
• No compulsive research: 39 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 42 days

A short one again tonight.

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Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - To sleep at 11:15pm after having a quick hygiene routine. Baby woke up at 12am, then I went to bed at 12:30am after that. Woke up at 7:30am. So all around a good sleep considering.

Brush teeth + floss - I brushed again upon waking up, and will be brushing and flossing afterwards.

Go for walks / Exercise - It was pretty rainy today, so I focused on some indoor active games with my kids while my wife made cupcakes for my oldest kids class (for his birthday). One being a jumping rope one which gets me sweating in less than 5 minutes. I hit 500 jumps on that, not consecutively, doing 100 per turn.

Shower + wash face - I had a shower after doing the active games, cuz I sweat a lot during those.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - ... I should've really made time for this earlier. At least I got the shower part done earlier today.

Drink Water - I drank an entire bottle of carbonated water, that soda stream thing has been a very good investment.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: 
• Lunch: leftover pizza
• Dinner: at my parents, my dad made hot dogs and burgers with an air frier, with frozen fries from the oven... I stuck to just the first ones, don't like the freezer foods a lot myself. 

Talk to my partner - We got some time to chill out while my kids were at my parents, and also after they went to bed pretty zonked. Well, mostly, because my middle kid ended up falling asleep in our bed; he was wired from the sugar of the cake he had. But he was chilled out in our bed and fell asleep pretty quickly.

Talk to my kids + play with them - Yeah, active games aside, my parents have a big piano and tons of keyboards (my mom plays and sells instruments) so they had fun playing with them to their hearts content. I supervised the baby mostly, as my parents have a long flight of stairs at their place, now that the baby is crawling it's a risk.

Read a book - I read 1 short story from Hemingway before I got to typing this, again following his character NIck.

Practice French - Oui, avec le hibou vert et ma famille.

Journal - I'm pretty tired, I'll have to talk to my parents about maybe making cake-time a bit sooner than 6:30pm, specially with it being a Sunday and tomorrow being a school day. But... well I get that it's my oldests birthday and they did want to celebrate it a day where my dad doesn't work. So then again, maybe it's fine. It's not like this happens often.

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 23

Commitments yesterday:

• Continue to review the ADHD Coaching strategies

Earlier today I set up my phone for work status, which is a strategy that my coaching document details; set up your devices so you can access the details you need, and also set up reminders for yourself on the date you need them. I'll keep a note of that and review my plan for work tomorrow morning first thing, then make notes for my future self as appropriate.

The other things that have worked fairly well from that doc are journaling, silencing unimportant emails (and unsubbing from them), practicing Pomodoro at work (timers) and creating a list of commitments for the next work day. You'll note that is also what I've been doing with this journal since starting that 30 day proactivity test. I don't plan on stopping those little commitments to myself.

• (if time allows) continue with 7 Habits

Real busy day today, that's why I just called it as a stretch objective (i.e. if time allows). I'll commit to these tomorrow.

Commitments for tomorrow

• Review my work plan first thing after I check-in to work tomorrow, and make notes for my future self
• continue with 7 Habits workbook

--

Night everyone. Will be meditating and brushing my teeth now 🙂

Edited November 11 by D_Cozy

[D_Cozy]

 Mon 11.11

• No mobile games - 202 days
• No compulsive social media use: 40 days
• No compulsive research: 40 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 43 days

The busier it gets, the more tempting it is to shut down. It is how I've been feeling. I can only do so much by just myself. I need to lean in with my partner.

This morning I forgot to take my ADHD meds and it affected me badly. I am now feeling the effects of it, about 2h into the workday. No es bueno, but I now know they have to be prioritized in the mornings when I wake up.

I'm slamming my head against a problem at work, figuratively speaking. I really dislike the authentication work needed to connect a bunch of stuff together, but I recognize the importance. It's a pain though; I much prefer writing database queries. With permissions there's so many barriers in the way, that even get in the way of my own setup attempts. I have to keep asking someone to do something for me because I literally am blocked from doing it myself. So slow.

sigh needed to vent... I know this is just part of learning and growing though, but it still isn't fun to do this work.

-----

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - Went to bed at 11:45pm, and woke up at 7am this morning. I am glad I decided to still keep journaling last night, my meditation afterwards did help with sleeping. I still need to get back up, closer to 8h of sleep... I'll be working on that. Consistently being lower than my target is probably what has been adding up here, if I were to guess.

Brush teeth + floss - Brushed this morning after waking, am going to do both brush and floss tonight

Read a book - I had to do a car appointment in the morning, so while I was waiting in the dealership lobby, I ended doing more 7 habits exercises from the workbook; brought my Kindle, and used my phone to take handwritten notes with the stylus.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - This was hugely helpful in the morning. I was experiencing a lot of anger, for having missed something so crucial this morning, a lot of self-doubt too. So I sat down in the middle of the day (I wasn't being very productive) and the meditation on anger (todays topic) was just really helpful to have. Anger is something we all experience, in one way or another; it's not saying that to normalize it or say it's okay to react in it, but just to be aware and observe that anger in others throughout the day, as a way of empathizing and knowing that it's part of what makes us human.

Sufficient enough as a grounding exercise for me today.

... my work day was still pretty challenging though, so reflecting now... I think I should lean more on meditation. It is a top line for me after all, and I think it would've helped me after work as I was still a bit irritated from it.

Go for walks / Exercise - after my workday was done, I did some push-ups, planks, and used my kids as part of my weight exercises haha.

Shower + wash face - Will do that tonight before going to bed.

Drink Water - I drank like 3 water bottles on the work day alone

Nutrition

• Breakfast: I had 2 pieces of toast with cheese and jam
• Lunch: rest of the leftover pizza
• Dinner: tbd, my mother-in-law is making dinner

Talk to my partner - During my lunch break was my plan but instead I helped my wife build an easel for the kids; part of the birthday gift for my oldest, but all kids will be using it. She needed my assistance putting the middle of it together, and I helped her fix the alignment of the legs as well. Instructions were confusing to follow but we got it done.

I was a bit irritable after work and tried talking with her, but I'm going to try again tonight... I feel like I can articulate myself better now that I've calmed down and the business of the day isn't there anymore.

Talk to my kids + play with them - I involved them as my "weights" for my workout lol, and we celebrated my oldest kids birthday (yes again) with my in-laws this time. They also got to try the easel.

Practice French - I still need to practice tonight, will do that later.

Journal - Todays work day kinda sucked honestly, I'm actually glad I took the lunch break to build the easel with my wife. It gave me a sense of accomplishment to build that easel.

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 24

Commitments yesterday:

• Review my work plan first thing after I check-in to work tomorrow, and make notes for my future self
• continue with 7 Habits workbook

My notes are all in my calendar, which is private cuz work.

As for the 7 Habits... I have notes on my phone, but I am gonna leave posting them for tomorrow. I have other priorities I'm going to work on tonight (hygiene, talking with my partner)

Commitments for tomorrow

• post 7 habits workbook exercises (maybe do more too)
• Remember to lean on top lines when getting frustrated

--

...Tomorrow is a new day, so I'm not going to let how annoying work was today get me down. Night everyone!

[D_Cozy]

 Tue 11.12

• No mobile games - 203 days
• No compulsive social media use: 41 days
• No compulsive research: 41 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 44 days

Well yesterday was a tough day; indeed it had its good moments, but still tough. It did end on a good note though.

My wife has also been feeling pretty shitty (how she put it) and it helped a lot to just talk with her. We have had a couple of busy days together, with all of the birthday planning for my oldest, coordinating plans between her family and mine on top of that. And she also had a day full of errands yesterday too, so she was quite drained. We've fallen behind on chores overall, something we're going to work on together; what this means for me is to stay on top of chores at home, and actually respect my Pomodoro breaks. I often tend to work through them, I have to stop that honestly. I have noticed that this tends to happen with frustrating tasks at work. I'm only making it worse though by not taking my breaks. So that is how I'm going to do my best to help her.

Another thing is that her parents tend to have a lot of background TV on all the time, something which really bothers me and overwhelms me; but on the flipside, my family tends to have music playing all the time and they interrupt a lot, something which overwhelms her. So we recognize that these are two things we can't change ourselves; it's how we deal with them at the end of the day. For me, I've thought on it and I think one thing that can help is to bring something to read, so I can tune out the TV when feeling overwhelmed. It is too distracting for me otherwise. She has her own strategy as well, but that's not up to me to share.

Today was a much better day overall. I finally made some progress with that project at work; finally got past the authentication nightmare it was to set up the data pipeline, now I can finally actually start with the fun stuff. I am relieved.

And I absolutely going to take a day off after this part of the project is done. I already told my wife that today. I'm gonna use that day off to do chores around the house and work on my 7 Habits exercises, which I've been slacking on a bit the past two days; I haven't been doing quite as much of them as I would like, I've been drained after work. Hence why I'm planning to just take a day once that component is done.

-----

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - we were both tired and went to bed at 10:30pm. Woke up at 6:30am. Back to 8h sleep 🙂 Tomorrow is an early morning, so I best set off to sleep. 

Brush teeth + floss - I went to brush this morning, I'll be doing both after this entry.

Go for walks / Exercise - I got a gym workout today with my wife, did bicep curls, tricep extensions, standing rows, and push-ups. Very good arm day.

My oldest isn't feeling well today, he caught a cold. He was at home with us, and he accompanied us to the gym too lol. He tried lifting a 15lb weight by himself, which he did, but we told him not to touch. Other than that he was pretty chill. This only works because the gym we go to is part of the apartment we live in (for residents only), no other gym would've let that fly lol.

Shower + wash face - After working out, did both.

Drink Water - I kept this up, admittedly starting my entry early in the day still helps me alot with getting that reminder.

Read a book - I just got done working on my Goals and finishing up the "How" I plan to tackle for one of these goals; I started working on these things yesterday, but I only got the "why" for the goals fleshed out. That part was covered earlier in the Oct 8th post actually, but I reviewed the goals to make sure I still felt excited about them. I modified all of them to have a clear objective called out; mostly Goal 2 was the one that was the most unclear imo. Really what it is for me is the Confidence in myself, seeking to gain that awareness and mindfulness I keep practicing through meditation, journaling, and the 7 Habits. So I added more details to that goal in my personal journal on my phone (this has been very helpful to have with me honestly, glad I went for another S-pen compatible phone for quick notetaking).

For the How part, read more details below.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - Another meditation about anger. Something I've been struggling with, but I think it's because I've been fighting my anger. Rather, I need to remember, as the meditation says, it's just a feeling; and it's one which can be witnessed and sensed, rather than pushed and drowned. We don't have to repress it, and equally we don't have to engage it. We can just be aware of it and let it go rather than holding on to it. That is how the meditation guides me into reframing the feeling of anger.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: birthday muffin from yesterday, with coffee
• Lunch: there is more leftover pizza that I had
• Dinner: my wife made air-fried hamburgers

Talk to my partner - yes, as per above I discussed the project at work and my plan to take a day off. She had another busy day today, lots of errands to run, and ofc unplanned time to take care of my oldest and the baby at the same time (she is still on mat leave). I gave her a hand today with cleaning out the sink, which had a lot of clean dishes piled up. Ofc, tonight it is about the same after having washed all the dishes from the burgers 😛 It never ends but that's ok, it keeps me busy.

Talk to my kids + play with them - yes, after work I once again used all of them as my "weights" to do lifts while laying on my back. I was also in charge of baths tonight.

Practice French - This morning I did a little bit, but I didn't think of taking time to do French practice in my work-breaks, as I usually do. As I said, I really have to start respecting my breaks again, this is part of why I feel less present and more irritable.

Journal - entry is here

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 25

Commitments yesterday:

• post 7 habits workbook exercises (maybe do more too)

The How is what I covered yesterday and today. The book only asks me to do this exercise for one of the goals for now, so that is what I did. Eventually I know I'll have to do it for all 3. So here's the "How" for the first goal I wrote for myself:

Goal 1: Get promoted! Strive towards continuous self improvement in my career, taking the opportunities I am given, and also making an effort to create opportunities for myself and others.

How do I plan to strive towards continuous improvement?

By taking the opportunities I am given and looking for ways to create opportunities for myself

How do I plan to take opportunities for myself?

By speaking up about what interests me.

How will I know when to speak up?

By paying attention to the big team meetings and listening for areas that I can contribute to.

How will I know an area arises that I can contribute towards?

Listen for common pain points from the team that may require my knowledge, experience and skillset.

How will I identify these pain points?

By reviewing, documenting and logging areas of improvement in our shared backlog of work items.

How will I know that something is already identified?

By working with my teammates and leaning on their knowledge, asking for their feedback.

How will I work with my team?

Using our team retros and reviewing our backlog regularly, as well as my own notes from personal journal and 1:1s with my manager.

How will I review these items?

By scheduling time weekly on my calendar, to go through the above; one item for my own review, and another item later in the week to seek feedback from the team on those items and get their ideas so that they also feel included. In this way, I am not only creating opportunities for myself, but I am also creating opportunities for them to also contribute.

❤️ It was at this point that I felt very confident with this goal. Look at that, an actionable item at the very end, with clear values that I'm looking for. I think this can really and truly lead me to getting promoted; what I've been doing a lot of is working by myself. Not really as a team. By actually asking for feedback, and forgetting about being "criticized" or whatever, it will also help me with Goal 2 of gaining confidence.

... which is now making me think that maybe I need something more concrete for that 2nd goal lol. This is a lot of work! But I like it. I'm going to leave it at that for now.

• Remember to lean on top lines when getting frustrated

This was helpful today as I wrote my entry, journaling is something that really helps me. It's tough especially when a child has a hard time going to bed.

Commitments for tomorrow

• Re-review my two other goals
• identify a "when" for goal 1
• Review my mission statement again

--

As I said, this was a much better day overall. I really think this is a good take-away lesson; just because one day is bad does not mean I have to let it ruin the rest of my week. I can reflect on it, I can observe it, I can think back on it, I can talk to my partner as I did last night. Or as my wife put it; one shitty workday does not need to make a whole shitty day haha.

K time to put this down. Night everyone!

Edited November 13 by D_Cozy

[D_Cozy]

 Wed 11.13

• No mobile games - 204 days
• No compulsive social media use: 42 days
• No compulsive research: 42 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 45 days

So at work we have this biannual period of manager -> employee feedback document that the employee has to fill out, and then the manager reviews and gives feedback. This is part of the "growth mindset" that the company I work for has, which is a good thing; this aligns with what I'm learning from Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. This is in fact, what Habit 7 is about; "sharpening the saw."

Well sticking in line with that theme, something that I asked my manager about is what the mission statement is for the team; not the big org in general, but our team specifically. Covey in the 7 Habits talks about how multiple levels of an organization can have their own mission statements. It's something I'm planning to ask about tomorrow again.

Also, something that was helpful for that biannual document was my journal. Yeah! This journal! Along with another work-specific journal I keep in a separate notebook. The work journal was actually something I started doing in May this past year, as a response to how tough I find this document to do is, so that I would remember what to write on it. Spending time doing this personal journal is productive too, even in terms of work; because it is what helps me identify areas of growth and also action items for that.

My manager even told me that me and one other coworker were the only ones who submitted the document by the deadline; the rest of the team did not! (To my knowledge, she manages about 20 herself, me included). Gave me a pat on the back there haha. Not that I am making fun of the others for not doing this; as I said, I do understand how stressful it can be to take the time for that big document. It can be very daunting to put it together, as you have to reflect on setbacks and your opportunities for growth as well, and it's hard to remember the past 6 months. Again, that is why I started work journaling in the first place, and it's what gave me the idea to come back to this forum and actually stick to my personal journaling too.

-----

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - closer to 7h. Fell asleep at 10:30pm, but my middle kid woke up at 11:30pm (he's been doing this a lot lately). It was after he went to bed that I realized I didn't post my journal entry, went to do that, then went to bed at 12:10am shortly after doing my hygiene for the night. Then I woke up at 6am for an early morning of appointments and dropping my kids off. So yeah my estimate is around 7h total.

That said, I still don't feel like I'm a zombie, something I would frequently feel when I was on my phone at night. So yeah, really the advice Cam has given on his articles is real for me; stop screens an hour before bedtime for better sleep quality.

Brush teeth + floss - I'm glad I have this here, because otherwise I think I'd be forgetting the flossing part. I've been doing that consistently now for 5 days. I'm going to make it 6 tonight.

Go for walks / Exercise - Did a 60min incline walk this morning at the gym, I went to work later as a result, but I needed that to be productive today and move forward with the authentication work.

Shower + wash face - After working out, got home and did both

Drink Water - While doing the incline walk, I finished my 1L water bottle. I'll keep it filled during work.

Practice French - This morning while I was waiting for my wife, I did about 28min according to my screen tracker with Duo Lingo (I'm going to say it was more like 25min though given the ads). I will be doing more later today.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: Dang, I skipped this today. Busy morning. I shouldn't do that. I did remember to take my ADHD meds at least though.
• Lunch: I had the rest of the leftover pizza, we had quite a lot. Now that's done. Am snacking on fruit atm.
• Dinner: My turn to make dinner tonight, I'll make an easy Mexican meal of quesadillas and beans

Meditate + Deep Breaths - todo, but I'm going to be doing some later today after dinner; at work I got sucked into listening to our quarterly updates and those are about 1h long.

Read a book - This morning, I also did some of the reformatting for the following 2 goals I didn't cover yesterday. And I put a deadline for the first goal. I'll keep doing more tonight.

Talk to my partner - I'm sure many of you here note she does the dinners mostly, and that's because she's on mat-leave. Something to think about though, is that she will eventually go back to work, and we'll need to discuss how we plan dinners... maybe even considering making something ahead of time and then freezing it or refrigerating it. This is one key thing we talked about.

Talk to my kids + play with them - My kids are home at the time of writing this. I'm responsible for dinner tonight, so I'll get chances to dine as a family once it's ready and find out how their day was.

Journal - here it is 🙂

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 26

Commitments yesterday:

• identify a "when" for goal 1

let's start from here, and let me quote the 1st goal:

17 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

 Goal 1: Get promoted! Strive towards continuous self improvement in my career, taking the opportunities I am given, and also making an effort to create opportunities for myself and others.

Let's put this at two years from now; roughly by September 2026. Promotion here meaning I go farther in my career, not just a title change. The "hows" written in the quoted post are my action items for it.

• Re-review my two other goals

On 11/8/2024 at 11:18 PM, D_Cozy said:

Goal 2 - Continue to work on my awareness and mindfulness, sticking with these seeking to first listen to others before being understood.

Honestly, I'm not really satisfied with this one. It's not specific enough. I will need another day to reflect on it. I think the idea is good, but there needs to be some actionable item here. Maybe I'll try going with the "How" or I'll just come up with something entirely different and better, more clear. As I said, I need to think and reflect on it.

On 11/8/2024 at 11:18 PM, D_Cozy said:

Goal 3 - Remain committed to journaling every day and reflecting on my entries frequently to aid me on my growth. Publish my own creative project, be it a collection of short stories or a novel, or even a technical text.

I bolded the part that I'm thinking is the action item; the result. To publish my own creative project. I will reformat this at a later post, but for now I'm going to also set a deadline for this goal; let's make it for 5 years from now. That's definitely very far off, but maybe I need to do the "how" process first with it to get a better idea. I thought 5 years gives me the time needed to really solidify the idea though, as well as talk with my wife about it too.

• Review my mission statement again

    My mission is to be an honest, patient, loving and positive source of energy and support. I will strive to hold a balanced lifestyle in everything I do; my family, my job, my hobbies and creative pursuits, and my spirituality. I will drive a positive impact to the best of my ability, based on my values with everything I do. I will keep an open mind, seeking to understand before being understood. I will continue to strive for improvement, use the tools which I've been given and found successful, and always work on my personal growth.

This is what I last wrote about my mission statement, and I have actually kept it in my notes on my phone. I review it frequently; it's on a widget in my home screen that I can flip to and read easily. This is actually what step 4 recommended too; "during the week, carry your rough draft with you and make notes, additions and deletions as needed each day"

I'm personally pretty satisfied with that mission statement. I have it also on the About me section in this forum. Solidifying the mission statement is Step 5. So that is done 😄 

Commitments tonight/tomorrow:

• Set up recurring events for step 6 of the Mission statement - recurring reviews and questions to ask myself
• Review my work commitments (tomorrow)
  • calling this out here cuz there's a lot going on 😛 In a good, busy way

--

Cheers everyone

Edited November 13 by D_Cozy

[D_Cozy]

 Thu 11.14

• No mobile games - 205 days
• No compulsive social media use: 43 days
• No compulsive research: 43 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 46 days

I keep confirming to myself that writing, just documenting even, is something I find really fun. I spent all of my work day doing that, which is fine, because I am hoping to push this stuff to another team in my workplace at some point (our team is basically the "cleanup" team lol, we got it in a trashfire state and we want to put it in an acceptable state).

Anyways, that's that for my work stuff. I'm actually really enjoying it, and I'm not feeling dread like I used to back when I'd procrastinate all day. Obviously that was just not a healthy relationship I had with work before.

More volunteering today for the Civic Tech Club as well. We're exploring another possible project; downloading the data from the hydro company in my city and creating mobile widgets around that. This will make it so that we can display usage warnings to all users in the city. I really like this idea, because the hydro app the company provides is awful. Unfortunately... so is the API that is supposed to get data from them. I am thinking that we might have to fix the API to begin with, it's an open source project that is kinda broken atm.

-----

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - I fell asleep at 10:15pm, was fairly tired. Woke up at 6:30am. Both of the older kids joined us in bed sometime but I don't remember waking up lol, so a good sleep all together.

Brush teeth + floss - I brushed in the morning, maybe I should floss in the morning too? Then again, with all the buildup from the day... yeah I'll leave the flossing part at night still.

Go for walks / Exercise - Leg day. Wife and I did squats, leg curls, leg extensions, and weighted lunges. I did 2 sets of standing rows because I wanted to also do a bit of arm workouts today.

Shower + wash face - I got back from the gym late this morning, I'll do both tonight after posting.

Drink Water - Yet again a good reminder that I should have my water bottle near me when I work. I did have it while working out.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: quesadillas with refried beans; the latter were leftover from last nights dinner, the former I made quickly
• Lunch: sandwich
• Dinner: my wife made chili which was delish, I had 3 bowls

Meditate + Deep Breaths - Yes, as soon as I looked at this I actually went for it. It was about how things are always changing, including the world around us. The moon and its phases for e.g. and how they cycle in a predictable, yet always changing way. The meditation was about taking the time to stop, and notice the things which we normally just take for granted.

Read a book - I did 7 Habits workbook exercises after all the kids went to bed.

Talk to my partner - I discussed the volunteering I was doing today. We have another round of appointments tomorrow, so we'll have to wake up early.

Talk to my kids + play with them - I gave both of them baths and helped get them to bed before volunteering. Then after finishing the coding part I was doing for volunteering, I helped put the baby and then my middle one to bed (my middle kid stayed up pretty late, we think it's because he's been napping 2h almost each day at daycare).

Practice French - I practiced this morning with the green owl app and by talking with my wife.

Journal - Successful day!

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 27

Commitments yesterday:

• Set up recurring events for step 6 of the Mission statement - recurring reviews and questions to ask myself

The event was set up so that I'd review my Mission Statement on the 3rd Friday of every month. That's what the book recommends, to do it monthly or so. I actually edited it a bit, which you can read below:

    My mission is to be a confident, honest, supportive, patient, loving, forgiving and positive individual. I will strive to hold a balanced lifestyle in everything I do, for a balances lifestyle is the key to a variety of knowledge, and knowledge is the key to growth. I will drive a positive impact based on my values with everything I do, for that is the best way I know to make a difference. I will keep an open mind, seeking to understand before being understood; this will be my first action in dialogue with my wife, my colleagues, my friends, my family, my neighbors, and strangers which I meet.

Overall added a bit more detail and moved the "improvement" point to the beginning I'm thinking this can help me with goal 2, which I'm feeling has to be something more specific with a better called out goal (an action item).

• Review my work commitments (tomorrow)
  • calling this out here cuz there's a lot going on 😛 In a good, busy way

The documentation thing I called out.

Commitments tonight/tomorrow:

• Think more about goal 2

I'll keep it short as tomorrow is gonna be busy. Good night everyone!

[D_Cozy]

 Fri 11.15 (part 1)

• No mobile games - 206 days
• No compulsive social media use: 44 days
• No compulsive research: 44 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 47 days

Another day... another cyber incident. Yesterday, the school board for my oldest announced that they had suffered a data breach. I read about it after I had finished my journal post.

... suffice to say I stayed up fairly late setting up a fraud alert and scrubbing for my account data (and my wife's) on RSS feeds that scan hacking outlets. Yeah, this is not fun at all, but I did not want to ignore it until the next day.

For those who just want a basic way to see if their accounts have been compromised, look up "haveibeenpwned" - if you are a millennial or older, then I'm sure you will notice the gamer term "pwned" there. Well that term isn't relevant in gaming anymore, but is actually now used quite often between hackers who steal and sell personal data. Nasty people out there.

I may as well just share some basic things here which everyone should keep in mind:

• make sure your passwords are different everywhere you login to
  • use a password manager to ease this
• never share passwords
• don't overshare information on social channels
  • I am purposely vague when I type when on this forum for that reason
• enable multi-factor authentication when possible
  • yeah it's a pain to scan your fingerprint or open up your phone for a code, but it does actually help stop someone who is trying to access your account without your actual self being there

There's a lot more stuff that can be done, but since that isn't the primary purpose of this journal, I'll leave it at these 4 easy points to act on and remember.

Ironically I ended up doing security training at work today, part of a mandatory learning course every employee has to do. So Security was top of mind yesterday and is still top of mind today. I can at least say that staying up late did help me with what I was doing at work today (well... kinda... I certainly could still do with the increased rest)

-----

Things I will do to stay healthy (part 1)

Sleep around 8h - I fell asleep at 12:25am, and woke up at 6:30am. So nope, this was a flop. I should've admittedly checked the cyber incident notification when I received it earlier in the day, even if it was while I was at work; that's where I could've done better myself. I know for a fact my workplace would've understood why I was taking time to deal with that. So I'm owning up to it here.

Brush teeth + floss - Brushed in the morning and am planning on doing both at night.

Go for walks / Exercise - My middle kid is off daycare today because of an absent educator, + this morning we also had a busy appointment. No chance of gym this morning, but it is Friday and I can make time for working out afterwards (even if it's just with my kids doing an active exergame).

Shower + wash face - Will be doing this after the workout later.

Drink Water - Yes. Until I get consistent about this daily, I'll keep it here.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: Chili from yesterday
• Lunch: sandwich
• Dinner: my wife wants to try a new homemade mac & cheese recipe

Meditate + Deep Breaths - I will do this after posting this. Need to take a pause in the workday.

----

I will continue later tonight with the other things, + my commitments. Will be back later.

[D_Cozy]

Fri 11.15 (part 2)

Oh yeah, I didn't mention this earlier, but my wife and I went to another couples place in the evening. Our in-laws helped with our kids tonight. They have had their own fertility journey like us, and they are expecting now, so a joyous time to spend with them 🙂They had a few board games we could've played, but we just ended up catching up and chatting all of the visit. It was actually quite nice.

Things I will do to stay healthy (part 2)

Read a book - 7 Habits was done this morning while waiting for my wife, and I completed this portion of the exercises. I'll document below.

Talk to my partner - I am doing more of an effort to show my wife what I work on with the 7 Habits. When I started reading that book, it did tell me that I should make an effort to be a teacher of the content; and while this is partly why I share here, it's also something that I think I should be sharing with a person in my life. So that's the key thing I talked about with her. Oh and I also brought up more ideas about brainstorming ideas together for a novel / short story.

Talk to my kids + play with them - I did my workout as I had committed to earlier today, with my kids, before heading out. The free Jump rope game on switch specifically.

Practice French - I wrote up an extensive email to the schoolboard in French this morning actually, giving them good practices they should keep in mind. In addition to that, I also practiced after coming back home.

Journal - part 2 of the entry is here and complete for today.

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 28

Commitments yesterday:

• Think more about goal 2

Well, I ended up reorganizing my goals. So goal 3 is now goal 2. And I ended up reviewing both of them as well.

Goal 2 - Publish a work of our own (our being me and my wife). Be it a collection of short stories, a novel, or even a technical text.

I won't go through the whole "how" exercise here, I'll just put the result: being for this one that I have to lean on my wife and set up recurring time on my calendar to do this frequently. How frequently, I will actually talk about this first with her.

I still keep my 5y from now deadline, which puts us at about 2029.

Goal 3 - Improve upon existing tools to empower individuals, parents, and guardians, in order to drive positive and healthy tech use. As I keep thinking about what I really want, it's to just have a healthy relationship using technology. After all, it is the reason for why I can work, among many other great things I'm capable of doing with my skillset. I just want to make sure that it is used with intention and with a purpose of enhancing my life. That's what I want for myself, for those around me and for everyone reading. And I actually am in a unique position here... I do work for a company that I could influence myself (working on my Circle of Influence) to eventually develop improvements over how we empower our customers.

With that in mind, the how is going to happen with myself leaning on my manager and on my networking. These are two good action items for me.

Let's give this a deadline of 2040, which is 25 years from now. This one is really, really longterm, because it will require me to work on expanding my Circle of Influence; it will also require me to work on Goal 1 multiple times (get promoted... and promoted... and promoted) to get to the point where I can drive this kind of change in the industry I'm in (this does not have to be with the same company necessarily). I'm also giving myself the time needed to make that difference I am hoping for.

Commitments tonight/tomorrow:

• go to sleep early! Get back on track with aiming for 7~8h. Start now in the weekend.

I'm going to go to bed early tonight, right after brushing my teeth and flossing. Possibly also after putting the baby to bed ( I hear him stirring just as I am finishing typing this.

• Continue with 7 Habits - next steps is "Getting it Together!" which is about putting all this together in a goal planning tool template the book offers.

Good night everyone

[Ikar]

On 11/13/2024 at 5:57 AM, D_Cozy said:

My wife has also been feeling pretty shitty (how she put it) and it helped a lot to just talk with her. We have had a couple of busy days together, with all of the birthday planning for my oldest, coordinating plans between her family and mine on top of that. And she also had a day full of errands yesterday too, so she was quite drained. We've fallen behind on chores overall, something we're going to work on together; what this means for me is to stay on top of chores at home, and actually respect my Pomodoro breaks. I often tend to work through them, I have to stop that honestly. I have noticed that this tends to happen with frustrating tasks at work. I'm only making it worse though by not taking my breaks. So that is how I'm going to do my best to help her.

I feel you. I think I spend about half of my working hours sitting at the computer at home, so I also try to fill out any planned or unplanned lapses with chores. This also helps me with health, as it's important to take breaks from sitting all the time. I have a modular table that can go up and down to my change position and I made a point in my calendar to start every lesson (usually 45-55 minutes) standing, even if for a few minutes.

On 11/13/2024 at 5:57 AM, D_Cozy said:

Goal 1: Get promoted! Strive towards continuous self improvement in my career, taking the opportunities I am given, and also making an effort to create opportunities for myself and others.

-

2 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

With that in mind, the how is going to happen with myself leaning on my manager and on my networking. These are two good action items for me.

Let's give this a deadline of 2040, which is 25 years from now. This one is really, really longterm, because it will require me to work on expanding my Circle of Influence; it will also require me to work on Goal 1 multiple times (get promoted... and promoted... and promoted) to get to the point where I can drive this kind of change in the industry I'm in (this does not have to be with the same company necessarily). I'm also giving myself the time needed to make that difference I am hoping for.

I was going to ask how you imagine to get promoted. I think there are two equally valid paths to go down:

1) expert - This is the one I've worked on. My bosses and customers are my students. I get to see the results of my work IN PERSON, which is incredibly motivating and satisfying. I also make sure to let my students know that they improved. I also have the pricing mechanism already figured out offer/demand, optimizing the rate and hours worked), though I'm aware there's a ceiling somewhere.

2) manager/CEO - I've had the idea to start a company a few times and I've been asked about a few times as well. So far, I've been happy to work on my own. Yes, maybe I could make more money, influence more people... I just haven't felt that this is my heart's desire. Of course, this doesn't mean it'll stay like that forever. It's not a dogma and some people choose to combine both approaches. It's just that both require different skill-sets, lifestyles and derive meaning from work differently. 

I also think the direction you'll eventually end up going is ironically somewhat arbitrary. I asked the language schools for promotions/pay raises regularly, but I was never offered a promotion and the pay raises were cosmetic. That was all despite the amount of great feedback from students, racking up experience over 3-4 years and getting certifications. This is not to blame them, just to state the facts. Maybe the situation on the market/in the companies never warranted them to take such steps. All this is my experience and yours might be completely different though 😄 

10 hours ago, D_Cozy said:

• make sure your passwords are different everywhere you login to
  • use a password manager to ease this
• never share passwords
• don't overshare information on social channels
  • I am purposely vague when I type when on this forum for that reason
• enable multi-factor authentication when possible
  • yeah it's a pain to scan your fingerprint or open up your phone for a code, but it does actually help stop someone who is trying to access your account without your actual self being there

100%. Last week, I got a mail reporting on a login attempt from one of my old website/app accounts from Panama of all the places. Changed the password promptly, even though there's nothing of value in that account. I periodically check the security options of all the apps/accounts that I use actively.

[D_Cozy]

Sat 11.16

• No mobile games - 207 days
• No compulsive social media use: 45 days
• No compulsive research: 45 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 48 days

I felt so dumb this morning. So last night after I was done my journal, my baby was upset. So I went to rock him and soothe him, put him to sleep. As usual, that part I'm okay with. Well, I realized after that moment that my wedding band wasn't where I had left it; I have a spot in my nightstands drawer, that is my usual spot. So I stayed up a bit later looking for my ring. I couldn't find it, went to sleep, worried that I may have left it in the car or something.

Losing stuff and misplacing stuff is ADHD brain... basically "brain fog" that never clears up, because ADHD; although I will say that cutting down on passive screen time has helped a lot with my attentiveness. But given that I had poor sleep the day before, I think this is a natural consequence.

Not to be too critical about myself though. I will say that one thing I did do well, is that I wrote a note quickly on all the details I could remember before heading to bed for the night. Where I remember wearing it last, where I thought I took it off, etc. Then I woke up at 6:45am because my oldest was waaaaay too excited to go to his friends birthday party later today, and he was jumping on our bed (lmao), and then I went on another search for my wedding band... to no success.

I was starting to get panicky at this moment, so I engaged in some meditation around being kind to oneself. Recognizing why I was feeling anxious, that this was all the weight of expectations I was putting on myself to keep things "in order" and not necessarily someone else saying that or thinking that of me. Excessive self-criticism on me from me, basically. The meditation really helped ground me and I spent a good chunk of time just sitting down petting my dogs. That was really nice. Then I shifted focus to something which would help me with getting a sense of accomplishment; I cleaned out some of my phone notifications, just to declutter and minimize the noise I get from things that I don't use.

After that was done, my wife woke up, and I explained how I had lost my wedding band. Well... this is why I felt dumb. She went to my nightstand, and found it, right above it (not in the drawer). Yep... I just didn't even think of looking on top of it.

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - I still need to get back into this. I realized that, after I had finished posting my journal, it was closer to 11:45pm. I am estimating I slept 7h, at best. So I will commit again to not compromise my sleep, and go to bed immediately after this entry is done. My wedding band is IN MY NIGHTSTAND (in caps for myself). Now this way I won't be going on a quest way late at night for it.

Brush Teeth + Floss - brush teeth, check. Floss, check.

Go for walks / Exercise - It's a weekend, so that meant exercise was more bringing my oldest to a birthday party and then bringing all of them to the park after their swimming lessons. Fun times playing with them there. My oldest is learning to do the monkey bars, I followed suit... and wow, is it just me or was that easier when I was younger? Really struggled myself.

Shower + wash face - I had one just a few hours ago, before getting ready for bed.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - Yes, see the beginning of this post

Drink Water - yes although I did go through a long period of time where I didn't have much to drink. When we got back home from the park, I ended up guzzling my full water bottle.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: I had leftovers from the night before, mac and cheese
• Lunch: pizza from the party of my son's friend
• Dinner: wife and I did takeout with the kids

Talk to my partner - Had a lot of chances to chat today, and I took them all.

Talk to my kids + play with them - yes, park and the birthday party, and more fun afterwards

Read a book - ... Man. Today was so busy between the birthday party, the swimming lessons, the park trip, the impromptu decision to do takeout; just entertaining my kids. I didn't do any 7 Habits, besides briefly re-read the exercise. So that'll stay as a commitment. Tomorrow I'll aim to wake up as late as my kids let me. Instead, I'm gonna read a short story before bed.

Practice French - not much Duo lingo but I didn't feel like I had to do a ton today, because my son goes to a French school and most of the parents at the party spoke French. Got a lot of my practice there.

Journal - I am glad with the steps I took this morning, really grounding myself rather than overreacting. In hindsight though, I know I could have worked on my own 7 Habits workbook instead, and that's a note I can make for myself. I do not expect my kid to wake up early again tomorrow, and all kids should be very tired from the busy days activities; so here's to a good nights sleep.

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 29 28

Let's just keep it at 28. I will continue with my progress tomorrow.

Commitments yesterday, and commitments I really need to keep again:
* Go to sleep early! Now I know I don't have some thing I need to look for
* Continue with the "Getting it Together!" step.

... Well, I will say that I'm not feeling great about having slacked on both of the above. I had a rough ADHD patch that really affected me, sleep-wise and then in terms of my commitment for my own self. I'll get back on track tomorrow.

 

[D_Cozy]

19 hours ago, Ikar said:

1) expert - This is the one I've worked on. My bosses and customers are my students. I get to see the results of my work IN PERSON, which is incredibly motivating and satisfying. I also make sure to let my students know that they improved. I also have the pricing mechanism already figured out offer/demand, optimizing the rate and hours worked), though I'm aware there's a ceiling somewhere.

...

I also think the direction you'll eventually end up going is ironically somewhat arbitrary. I asked the language schools for promotions/pay raises regularly, but I was never offered a promotion and the pay raises were cosmetic. That was all despite the amount of great feedback from students, racking up experience over 3-4 years and getting certifications. This is not to blame them, just to state the facts. Maybe the situation on the market/in the companies never warranted them to take such steps. All this is my experience and yours might be completely different though 😄 

Thanks for your reply Ikar. Right now, this is the path I am personally leaning towards I have little interest in the politics of talking with investors or managing a team or product, at delegating and assigning tasks, etc.

Although yeah, you are right that the path is arbitrary. I would actually say it goes 2 ways. The first way being with what you said, in regards that my promotion won't be fully within my control. I know I can control my actions from here to now, how I handle my work, and how I strive to make an impact. I can influence how my manager and others higher up see me in this way. All this is within my Circle of Influence.

I know too, however, that I cannot control ultimately if they decide to promote me or not. The economy goes through rough patches, and they haven't promoted anyone during those. And sometimes there's others who are also up for their own raises and promotions as well. Software development is competitive. Now I do mention these things to note that these are things within my Circle of Concern. Not to have a scapegoat to blame if things don't quite work out how I would want them. 

But the direction itself is also arbitrary in another sense too. As I grow in my roles (both work and personal) I will still have to learn about leadership, management, how to talk to others and better conflict resolution, and so forth. So even though I'm not interested in a "management" title, I still have to be effective at managing myself and eventually at managing junior employees too. I will eventually have to also hand down work to others, when I gain enough experience at doing a thing and feel it is time for others to learn how to do the thing for example. So even though that is not what I like about my job, I do still recognize these are skills I'll gain regardless of the path I choose, in my journey to become an interdependent individual.

All that said, I'm still very much so leaning towards becoming an Expert in what I do, which is software development (more specifically database). The deadline I put for 2 years from now is for that first promotion moreso, and I'm hoping to work on a timeline (this is what the "Get it Together" step is about) soon. Thanks for your message, as it motivated me to think about that part on a deeper level.

[D_Cozy]

Sun 11.17

• No mobile games - 208 days
• No compulsive social media use: 46 days
• No compulsive research: 46 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 49 days

Gotta go to bed right after because I need to get up at 6am tomorrow for appointments.

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - yes, to bed at 12am, and woke up at 7:50am. So almost 8h. Kids woke both of us up at this time (this is a sleep in for them)

Brush Teeth + Floss - oh yeah I gotta do both tonight. I'll do that after finishing this entry.

Talk to my kids + play with them - I brought them to the park in the morning, let them play for a bit, eventually they asked me to push them on the sings. Also I used the easel I got my kids with them, did some painting and some chalk drawing on it.

Go for walks / Exercise - I'll count the wagon ride to the park and back as an arm workout; both my kids combined are like 80 pounds or more to pull on that thing, even with wheels that is a workout (I know because I was sweating and it wasn't very warm out today).

Read a book - I did do some 7 Habits at the park with my kids, while they played in the slides and the playground. Though I seem to have misplaced my notepad where I wrote on... I'll have to find it tomorrow. I brought a physical notepad with me because my phone was almost out of battery when I was at the park.

Talk to my partner - today the main thing I remember that we discussed was the workouts we've been doing together. I have noted more muscle in my arms particularly, as well as stamina for myself. My wife has noticed the loss of weight and being more comfortable as a result. Win-win for both of us, we enjoy each others company. We may not be able to workout all the time together, but it is always something I look forward to when we can.

... now the thing with this is that we do get a gym with the apartment we live in. That's been a big reason to go to the gym tbh; it's not like I have to drive out anywhere or even pay a subscription to maintain our access (our rent covers it). And part of the reason a promotion would be nice is to get a house; I'd be lying if I denied that the money is a part of it, but it isn't the only reason either (I do care about my own growth, my maturity developing too). So when we do get a house, something we do want to make sure we invest on is a home gym of sorts. I already have a pretty good idea of what I'd like in a home gym too, based on what I use the most in the apartment. I'll share that here:

• Kettle bells (25lbs to 50lbs)
• Barbell weights (ideally adjustable weighted ones to not have a ton of them)
• ^ rack for both of the above
• Treadmill
• Pull-up bar
• adjustable bench (for things like dips, or sitting weight exercises)
• Yoga mats

I think all those things are a good start for a home gym. But anyways, a home is more of a 10year plan thing, which is when I estimate we can afford a house. The house market is too unpredictable where we live, right now it's very expensive but unsure if that will still be the case by 10y from now. I'm fine living in an apartment for now though.

Shower + wash face - yes, at night before spending some time with my wife.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - after spending some time with my wife

Drink Water - I did stay hydrated in the walk to the park and back this morning, and I also made sure to have a glass with every meal

Nutrition

• Breakfast: leftover chili
• Lunch: leftover pasta
• Dinner: turkey burgers in the air-frier with cucumber tomato salad

Practice French - I just got some about 2h ago. 

Journal - very nice day, better than yesterday.

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 29

Commitments yesterday:
* Go to sleep early! Now I know I don't have some thing I need to look for

Well it wasn't early, but I did get back to 7~8h of sleep.

* Continue with the "Getting it Together!" step.

I did do this but I can't find my physical notepad where I wrote the exercises. The book asks me to pick the goal I originally chose for the first How exercise, so in this case it would be for "goal 1 - Get Promoted"

From memory, I know that I still have some planning to sort out on it, I didn't finish it. But the steps I remember will be

• scheduling 1-1 agenda items ahead of time with my manager (something the ADHD coaching actually notes too that I do).
• Create new calendar items for self-reflection at the end of the week during the work day (something else that my ADHD coaching doc also notes)
  • During work because it will actually get me to slow down near the start of the last day, which is a helpful reminder to "zoom out" on my progress, and plan for next week (this is actually what todays meditation was about too; taking the time to pause can then allow us to reflect and plan ahead)
  • ... and now that I think about it, this might not be a bad idea to even have 2 times a week in the mornings.
• Have a weekly and recurring event to review my backlog items

Deadline for me to schedule this is for tomorrow, so I'll commit to those. I know I have more things I wrote down, but I gotta find that notepad because I'm not remembering at the moment.

Commitments tomorrow:

• Find that notepad!
• Schedule above called out events.
• Finish planning goal 1 and do the same for the other 2 goals (this will be a recurring commitment, because the process takes time) 
• Take some time to physically write down the gym equipment needed for when we get a home

OH and I'll share the template as an attachment, if anyone else wants to give it a go for themselves.

Cheers everyone!

Edited November 18 by D_Cozy

[Ikar]

On 11/17/2024 at 5:49 AM, D_Cozy said:

But the direction itself is also arbitrary in another sense too. As I grow in my roles (both work and personal) I will still have to learn about leadership, management, how to talk to others and better conflict resolution, and so forth. So even though I'm not interested in a "management" title, I still have to be effective at managing myself and eventually at managing junior employees too. I will eventually have to also hand down work to others, when I gain enough experience at doing a thing and feel it is time for others to learn how to do the thing for example. So even though that is not what I like about my job, I do still recognize these are skills I'll gain regardless of the path I choose, in my journey to become an interdependent individual.

All that said, I'm still very much so leaning towards becoming an Expert in what I do, which is software development (more specifically database). The deadline I put for 2 years from now is for that first promotion moreso, and I'm hoping to work on a timeline (this is what the "Get it Together" step is about) soon. Thanks for your message, as it motivated me to think about that part on a deeper level.

You're definitely correct about getting better at communication, whether with colleagues or customers. I think I've taught myself how to find common ground and to be proactive in negotiations over time too.

Depending on how much you enjoy doing your "core" work of software development and teaching/managing others, you'll decide your later path. I knew I liked my "core" work, so my "promotion" laid in improving myself and my methods, on top of getting better marketing, to give me a 50% pay raise (including benefits) compared to "traditional" employers. If I hadn't done all that work and learnt all the skills associated with it, I'd be just barely scraping by now, because 15$ an hour is different money for a 19-year old and a 38-year old with a family. So, maybe next November you'll be at the same company with the same pay and same work, but you'll have worked on a few side gigs by then and I'd definitely consider that a "promotion" as well 😄

[D_Cozy]

6 hours ago, Ikar said:

So, maybe next November you'll be at the same company with the same pay and same work, but you'll have worked on a few side gigs by then and I'd definitely consider that a "promotion" as well 😄

Hey Ikar, that's a great suggestion. I didn't even think of it, and yeah honestly, in today's economy I think it's worth considering turning a few hobbies into sources of more income. Maybe a side gig of mine could be the writing goal, which is something I've called out too.

I read a pretty funny short story this morning, "The Answer is No" by Frederik Backman, a Swedish author. Very satirical story with some really deep themes about how people compulsively seek social connection vs isolation to the extreme. That created enjoyable friction between unhinged characters. I enjoyed the back-and-forth bickering writing style of the characters. I like how the very flawed and introverted protagonist also grows... just a bit anyways, but grows nonetheless and learns to experience empathy (much to his initial horror). In particular, I really like how the author will break the 4th wall for comic effect. As a paraphrased example:

"We can't do that!!!" she yelled, in a manner which one would assume you'd write with three exclamation points at the end. 😄 

Really funny stuff. Well, I don't want to spoil too much of it, I do recommend the short story. It's only 67 pages long, which is about the perfect length if you ask me. I read it as part of Amazon's early access offers for its Prime members, btw, otherwise I believe it comes out on December 1st this year.

Anyways, all this to mention that the short story and your perspective is providing me with inspiration and excitement to give writing something myself a go. You bring up a good point that a "promotion" can come from more than just one source. Writing is something I want to pursue for sure and I love that you provided me with this alternative perspective.

---

Mon 11.18 (part 1)

• No mobile games - 208 days
• No compulsive social media use: 46 days
• No compulsive research: 46 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 49 days

I'll keep this short for now. I was excited by Ikar's reply, that is a very good change of perspective, of looking at the goal I'm aiming for and how it can be achieved through different means.

Things I will do to stay healthy (part 1)

Sleep around 8h - I went to bed at 11:35pm, and woke up at 6:15am. Closer to 6h and 45m by my estimate, not ideal. I did post my journal entry late yesterday though. Seems like I have more time to journal during the workday when my kids are not home (not surprisingly haha); as far as work goes, I get enough ways to journal quickly while I take breaks. But as I'm starting to notice that, I do need to make a plan to get my notes written through the midday during weekends. One good thing shouldn't come at the expense of another.

So something I'm thinking of is to just create blocks of time in the weekend, and talk to my wife about them. I know that my kids have swimming lessons still, and that timeslot seems to be good for me to do some 7 Habits workbook exercises. I will consider changing that to journaling instead. Trips to the park seem to be good for that too, with my kids; if at least for a bit, while they play by themselves before they want me to join into their games (not complaining about that either).

The rest of the timeslots, I need to talk with my wife first to figure them out.

Brush Teeth + Floss - brushed this morning, need to do both again tonight.

Read a book - See the short story I read today in the morning; "The Answer is No" by Frederik Backman. My wife had an appointment in the morning, which is why I got a chance to read this short story.

Go for walks / Exercise - Despite the appointment, we still had the time to go to the gym; because we woke up early and because the appointment didn't take so long this time. Yeah, only 30min, which is quick compared to 1h from previous appointments; hence why I've been reading, and doing 7 Habits, etc while I go on them haha. Anyway, we did cardio today, 30min on the treadmill together doing incline walks.

Shower + wash face - after working out I did both

Nutrition

• Breakfast: leftover chili again. I'm counting 4 days since it was made, so if I don't have any more later tonight, I'll have to throw the rest out
• Lunch: I'll be reheating the leftover pasta again. The joy of having so many leftovers.
• Dinner: tbd

I'll do a part 2 later tonight.

[D_Cozy]

Mon 11.18 (part 2)

Talk to my kids + play with them - after work, I talked to my older kids in French and reviewed some exercises with my oldest on this site to help him with his literacy (mine as well tbh). I put the baby down to bed, then helped my wife put the other two to bed

Talk to my partner - both chatted during the day. Pretty good appointment this morning, it's about having a 4th kid (yea you could say we're nuts). That's what these appointments are about. We have to go through fertility to boost our chances, is the basic gist of it.

Also I brought up how we should discuss our story ideas more often. I'll keep talking about this to see if I can get a common time that works for both of us.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - Right, I knew I had forgotten something... okay, I'll do one right after journaling as a way to unwind from the day.

Drink Water - I got my water bottle with me throughout the day. I feel like I can remove this next journal entry, I'm at the point where I'm remembering to do this.

Practice French - oui, je parle avec mes enfants. I might do a bit of Duolingo before bed as well

Journal - entry is here.

------

7 habits - proactivity test - day 30

This is the last day of the proactivity test, but that doesn't mean I will stop. I'm thinking that this yesterdays commitments and todays will keep going. It gives me good structure for sticking to important things first.

 

• Find that notepad!

I found it! It was in a backpack I took with me to the park. I'll now be able to continue with my workbook there. I found it just an hour ago.

I only had those 3 steps apparently; the agenda time, the reflection time, and the backlog review time. Still good starts, and I'm glad I recalled them from memory last night.

• Schedule above called out events.

I scheduled times to get an agenda for my 1-1 with my manager weekly. That will help structure that meeting out and provide direction. I also have calendar items for self-reflection; I decided one at the beginning of the workweek, and one at the end of the workweek. Finally, I have two times at the beginning of each workday to just review my backlog items. All done with this.

• Finish planning goal 1 and do the same for the other 2 goals (this will be a recurring commitment, because the process takes time) (todo)

As I just found the notepad, I'll keep this as a goal for tonight as well. I knew this one was going to be a recurring one.

• Take some time to physically write down the gym equipment needed for when we get a home

Done and I'll bring it up to my wife tomorrow. This was an easy one to write down quick.

Commitments for tomorrow:

• Finish planning goal 1 and do the same for the other 2 goals (this will be a recurring commitment, because the process takes time) (cont)
• Talk to my partner about some future investment options for a home gym
• And also schedule some time to get story ideas discussed together.

gonna go meditate and maybe do some French lessons before bed. Night everyone!

Edited November 19 by D_Cozy

[D_Cozy]

Tue 11.19

• No mobile games - 209 days
• No compulsive social media use: 47 days
• No compulsive research: 47 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 50 days

It was a bit of a rough day, with not a lot going on in the way of good gym time. I could tell this affected me at work later in the day.

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - I went to bed at 10:50pm, but the baby woke up at midnight and wouldn't go back to bed. He was still hungry so had to feed him, I think he's going through another growth spurt cuz he's been otherwise fine sleeping through the night (usually just requires rocking). I went to bed at 12:30am again and woke up at 6:45am. I estimate about 7h total combined (give or take) but still on the lower side. Ce la vie avec les bebes.

Brush Teeth + Floss - brushed this morning and will be doing both again tonight

Read a book - I still have to do some of my exercises admittedly. I will likely not get to posting them tonight.

Go for walks / Exercise - I had to make time at lunch for working out, which wasn't ideal. The morning didn't get off to a great start, I was hyperactive (my mind was rather) and it affected me until I got that energy out.

Shower + wash face - I had a rinse after working out, but will need to a face wash tonight. I'm posting earlier than usual, so I'm hoping that helps.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: yogurt with nuts and cereal
• Lunch: sandwich
• Dinner: pasta with sauce

Talk to my kids + play with them - after work we went to pick up an order (more xmas stuff) and the kids came along with us. Then when we got back home, we all cleaned out our entrance closet which was due. They actually helped and found it fun. I dunno if I'd count this as "playing" but they sure did lol. So there we go.

Talk to my partner - it was my wife today who had a tough day, as the baby is moving quite a bit on his own now and he's getting busier. I helped her out as much as I could in my work breaks, but he's starting to get impatient and not liking the carrier on me. Kicked me right in the groin twice! Not that it hurt a ton because he's a baby, but it's still not fun. We'll experiment with different carrier positions, usually he falls asleep on me though. I guess he's just getting older.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - I did a quick one after working out. I'll do another before bed, I've been enjoying this as a routine.

Practice French - I did French practice with the green owl this morning, and also spoke to my kids while organizing the front closet.

Journal - tough day but I'm grateful for turning to my top lines. I removed water drinking because I've been pretty good about this so far.

------

7 habits

So admittedly, I didn't get to this. I think I overestimated the amount of time I'd have after work and doing that pickup. I'll keep my commitments for tomorrow as the same.

Commitments for tomorrow:

• Finish planning goal 1 and do the same for the other 2 goals (this will be a recurring commitment, because the process takes time) (cont)
• Talk to my partner about some future investment options for a home gym.
  • Actually... I can do this one now. Let me get it done, and I'll post about it tomorrow.
• And also schedule some time to get story ideas discussed together.
  • Same with this one. I'll post about it tomorrow

gonna go meditate and do my bedtime routine. Good night everyone!

Edited November 21 by D_Cozy
edited to add the notes for the commitments I can do now. Corrected date

[D_Cozy]

Wed 11.20

• No mobile games - 210 days
• No compulsive social media use: 48 days
• No compulsive research: 48 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 51 days

Better day mostly because I shoved in a workout despite having gone to work late as a result, but I can say for sure that the rest of the 8h of work (having had to work late) were a lot better. Still felt a tad unproductive myself, but a valuable day nonetheless.

I was talking with my wife today about the 7 Habits. I showed her my revised mission statement (can't believe I didn't do this till now) and she was impressed with me for having self-reflected and thought at this level. She also went through my goals and offered some brainstorming suggestions for the steps on each one.

... which actually, ended up concluding that I need to think more deeply. Yes, on all of them. It started with the simple question of "what would we do with that money if I get promoted at work?" And a whole swath of options showed themselves; travel to another country, get a house (with a home gym as I've described), get the kids in more extracurriculars... etc.

Maybe I can put all that stuff in writing better. Maybe I can work it into my goals as well, my 3 long term ones.

So this is going to take longer, but I think it's good I got this feedback from the one who I am closest to.

---

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - really good sleep. To bed at 10:30pm, and woke up at 6am naturally. That's back on track!

Brush Teeth + Floss - I'll brush + floss after this entry.

Read a book - See above with 7 Habits

Go for walks / Exercise - Wife and I went to the gym after a busy morning, and did weights together; bicep curls, tricep extensions, squats, and farmer's carries. Last one involves carrying 2 heavy weights by your side and just walking with them; it helps a lot with your forearms and core, although I mostly felt it on the former.

Shower + wash face - I will do this right after this journal, I wasn't super sweaty after the workout and we did come back from busy appointments late, so this is something I still need to do.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: yogurt with cashews and raisins
• Lunch: sandwich
• Dinner: chicken with a garden salad

Talk to my kids + play with them - Did more practice in the learning app with my oldest, read 1 book each to the baby and the middle one

Talk to my partner - See above with 7 Habits

Meditate + Deep Breaths - dang I forgot again this morning, probably would've helped too with a frustration I ran into while building a data pipeline

Practice French - this morning during the busy morning.

Journal - here's my entry, and I'm glad for the brainstorming session with my wife

------

7 habits

As I said, I'll have to think more deeply about my goals. That's something I'm probably going to do on the weekend, and focus up on it. I know I typically get busy about this

Commitments:

• Finish planning goal 1 and do the same for the other 2 goals (this will be a recurring commitment, because the process takes time) (cont)
• Instead, it will be brainstorm these goals some more with my partner. I'll keep this as a continuous goal
• Talk to my partner about some future investment options for a home gym.
  • I did talk to her, so this one is complete. She suggested a rowing machine and an elliptical to be added, two things she likes as well.
• And also schedule some time to get story ideas discussed together.
  • She and I agreed to a time tomorrow during my lunch break

So I still have one commitment, which is to just keep working on those long term goals and think about the steps involved. For e.g. I'm thinking get promoted is a step to eventually getting a house, and to making a change within the company and industry I work for. That's why I think I need to get some flash cards out, or sticky notes, and put action items in them.

I like these because they help with organization, I can move the notes / flashcards and rearrange them in order.

Will keep it at that for now. Good night everyone!

[D_Cozy]

Thu 11.21 (posting on Friday)

• No mobile games - 211 days
• No compulsive social media use: 49 days
• No compulsive research: 49 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 52 days

Wow, I totally fell asleep before hitting post last night. That's a first... maybe my bodys way of telling me to sleep.

I got busy with volunteering yesterday, and did more than the 1h of the session after it ended. Then I went to talk to my wife, and then I tried to stay up to journal... but fell asleep.

Some highlights yesterday, but I think I need to really remember to respect myself too as a person. Being at "go-go-go" mode all the time is not good either. So I'll take a moment at the bottom of this post to write out some techniques.

---

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - My sleep was okay on Wednesday night; I went to bed at 11:30pm and woke up at 6:30am. It has been a consistent 7h~ish and partly that is the reason for why it's been so hard to focus. I can do something about this though, and let myself just... go to sleep early.

Brush Teeth + Floss - Last night did brush and floss.

Read a book - yesterday I spent more time retreading the goals, and re-reading some of the example mission statements that the workbook and the book both provide. But I don't think it helps that I keep doing this late in the day. Reflecting now, and re-reading my past entries, I see that what has worked for me is when I just set time aside to journal and read the exercise book. I remember that was one thing that my ADHD coach mentioned about the habits being built up; to keep my Friday session blocked off, and to reflect on what has worked on me. Well, today is Friday, even though this entry is for yesterday. So that's something I'm going to do.

Go for walks / Exercise - My wife and I went to the gym yesterday and did weights, mostly focused on arms and chest. I must've pulled something, because today I have intense pain in my right shoulder-blade. I did do a set of chest press with 175lbs... which I was quite glad to have done! But I think I pushed myself way over my limit with that. I do want to push myself, but I have to remember that I'm not "proving" myself to anybody either. My exercising goal is to stay healthy.

I could maybe consider exercise to be a long-term goal of mine. Maybe. Hmm... some food for thought actually. This is why I love journaling and writing. I start to think things that I didn't realize were in my mind.

Shower + wash face - After exercising, did both.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: cereal
• Lunch: leftover chicken from Wed
• Dinner: I actually made some delicious grilled cheese sandwiches on the stove-top, that was the highlight of yesterday. Simple but very good dinner; I used natural butter to fry the bread and make it crispy, then added some marble cheese slices to melt them inside the sandwich.

Talk to my kids + play with them - My middle kid "helped" with the dinner, he passed me the cheese slices; he did try to touch the hot frying pan but I kept him away from that. The baby is also getting quite busy.

Talk to my partner - I talked to my wife again yesterday about the Mission Statement and goals, before she went to sleep.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - I did to meditation yesterday morning, which did help, but really I need to keep it up throughout the day. It's not a 1-and-done thing. I am thinking that doing it once in the morning, once in the afternoon, and once in the evening will be best.

Practice French - Before volunteering I got into some French practice with the app, and I did also ask Ikar for some perspectives. I'm thinking that Learning French is a good longterm goal of mine to ponder about, so this is something I should review when I look at my goals. Perhaps I have to also revisit my own mission statement, and review it again; I'll ask my wife for her perspective too.

Journal - sad about missing this entry yesterday

------

7 habits

As I said, I'll have to think more deeply about my goals. That's something I'm probably going to do on the weekend, and focus up on it. I know I typically get busy about this

Commitments:

• Instead, brainstorm these goals some more with my partner. I'll keep this as a continuous goal

French was a good thing to talk about yesterday, because yeah. I am learning it and I am enjoying it. So here are some things I got, that I'm going to assemble into some "how" steps from the exercise at a later date:

*Practice speaking and listening to others - my wife and her family, my kids school teachers and educators, and even some of my coworkers who speak French too (we all work remotely, some of them are in Quebec even)
*Practice reading French as well, using the books that my kids have, and finding material of my own to read too (even mailing lists from my kids school)
*Lean on my wife for feedback; she is leaning on me for Spanish, so I may as well lean on her for French

Writing these things out here so that I remember them

• Book ideas.

I did discuss some of them with my wife and started brainstorming them. I'm not sure how much I'm going to journal about this though, since I do want to keep the ideas private. But I will say that I am going to commit to review my personal calendar to make sure that there's time for book ideas.

REMEMBER MY BREAKS. These are the things I can lean on. I've not been very good about respecting my breaks this past week, and I think that's been a big problem. I haven't written much about that, because truthfully I didn't even stop to notice that I wasn't really taking breaks. Some ideas:

• Reading a book for myself or to my kids (if home for the day).
  • Fiction or 7 Habits
• Deep Breaths, Meditate
• Do quick chores
  • swap garbage bags
  • clean small part of a bathroom
  • do the dishes
  • fold some laundry
• Go outside and sit on the balcony or walk my dogs

Just a small list of things I can do. Anything is better than looking at my phone or browsing dumb sites while I work... but these things are better to do quickly than just working straight without breaks as well. Just typing that out to put into perspective

For today, Friday. I'm going to do these:

• Review and reflect on my coaching period and strategies
  • Calendar included in that
• commit to my breaks

---

I will do do Friday's reflection later today. I know I could do that tomorrow morning too, but I would prefer tonight. So I'll try to aim for 8pm.

Edited November 22 by D_Cozy

[D_Cozy]

Fri 11.22 (and now I'm back on track)

• No mobile games - 212 days
• No compulsive social media use: 50 days
• No compulsive research: 50 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 53 days

Back on track.

---

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - For Thursday -> Friday, it was 11pm to 6:30am sleep. About 7.5h which is better.

Brush Teeth + Floss - I'll make sure to brush my teeth and floss after posting

Read a book - I'm going to read some fiction tonight, maybe some more short stories. BTW, I put a goal for myself to read 6 books before the end of 2024. I'm at 2 total, or well 4 if you count the short stories (I'm not really though). I'll be reading more Hemingway tonight.

Talk to my partner - My wife was putting some cream on me for that workout injury (although I'm now thinking it's a work injury from sitting). We talked about writing our ideas in cue cards. I find the process helpful myself again, because it helps with reorganizing the events in a way that can totally change the story. For e.g. a character talks to someone. That character dies. If you arrange it in that order, it could be a drama; buuut if you make it so the character dies first and then talks to the character... that creates a mysterious horror like story. That's why I like cue cards. It can help with that method of organization of events.

Obviously not going to share much more specifics than that. We just have really rough ideas right now.

Go for walks / Exercise - My wife and I went to the gym this morning, while working out is when I noted my injury. We stuck to bicep curls, tricep extensions, dips and pushups. And a plank to finish off. I managed to do all these without much pain, but as soon as I twist my head to look behind me, ooooh man does it hurt. This is why I think it's actually work related.

Shower + wash face - After exercising, did both again today.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: yogurt and nuts
• Lunch: more leftover chicken and nachos
• Dinner: we got takeout as we had to go out to pick up groceries right after I finished work

Talk to my kids + play with them - oh and we went to a toy shop after as well, to buy one of my kids friends a birthday present (seems like everyone is having birthday parties in his grade). My kids had a blast in there. Before bed I did some French exercises with my kid, through an app that his teacher recommended for him... and it's actually helping me too haha. The story of the pied piper was the final lesson before I called it a night for them.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - This morning I did one around noticing when I feel upset, and what I can try to do in these situations is write a "why" three times. It is not unlike the how exercise with the goals. I'll keep in mind the exercise and give it a go when i feel overwhelmed and/or upset.

Practice French - I got some done this morning, and like I said in the afternoon I practiced with my oldest through his online exercises

Journal - back on track ❤️ 

------

7 habits

Commitments

• Review and reflect on my coaching period and strategies
  • Calendar included in that
• commit to my breaks

I obviously will not be posting my work stuff here, but it's a document that I have now put on my desktop front and center. It is in an obvious spot where I can go to it.

I also helped much more with some quick chores this time, so I'm committing to my breaks in this way. I know it seems funny that I'm committing to doing chores as "breaks" but the idea is that it's a break from work. It also gives me a sense of accomplishment when I complete a task at home, I can carry that energy for the next work items I'm supposed to be focused on.

Commitment tomorrow:

*Find some time to brainstorm goals again, and review the mission statement.

Edited November 24 by D_Cozy
remove last part from the prev post

[D_Cozy]

Sat 11.23

• No mobile games - 213 days
• No compulsive social media use: 51 days
• No compulsive research: 51 days
• No passive screentime before bed, first thing in the mornings, or during work: 54 days

 

---

Things I will do to stay healthy

Sleep around 8h - to bed at midnight, woke up at 1am to rock the baby so he'd fall asleep (didn't take too long), and then woke up this morning at 8am (my wife let me sleep in). I'd say about the same as the previous night. I should try to go to bed earlier though, even if it's a weekend, cuz evidently my kids will be waking up.

Brush Teeth + Floss - I'll make sure to do both again, after journaling.

Read a book - I'll probably read more Hemingway short stories tonight. I've been struggling to move on with 7 Habits, because I'm still trying to really solidify my long term goals. It's tough to make the time to think about these thigs when I have 3 kids, all requiring various different forms of attention. It might be something that I'll have to set time aside for during the next Monday morning (making a note of this)

Talk to my partner - We talked through our plans for the next weekend, my brother needs help moving, and... well they didn't hire a moving truck, which probably means I'll be helping. I did volunteer to help, I just thought that they'd hire a moving truck and I'd just help him with setting up his electronics and/or building the new furniture they're getting. Swimming lessons with the kids went well too, we made a day of it by going to the library afterwards with the kids. All the books we checked out were for the kids (I got plenty of reading material at home myself).

Go for walks / Exercise - Today was a delivery day for a lot of Black Friday sales (these started a week early) so we made a day of wrapping packages. All of this is holiday shopping, take advantage of the sales. Needless to say, I mention it here because i got exercise by lifting the packages, and then bringing all the recycling out to the basement of the building we live in (large pieces of cardboard go there).

Shower + wash face - I had a shower this morning, before getting a haircut.

Nutrition

• Breakfast: quesadillas
• Lunch: omelette (breakfast for lunch)
• Dinner: made some pasta with cheese and pepper

Talk to my kids + play with them - busy day going to swimming lessons, bringing my dogs out with the older ones, and at the library; I read books to them throughout the day.

Meditate + Deep Breaths - In the evening, I continued the path on changing my behavior. The topic overlapped with the 7 Habits again, this time it was about how we can feel emotions but we don't necessarily have to act on them; we can take a step back, breathe (focusing on the breath helps a lot) and then visualize what our options are. Noticing when you feel angry, happy, sad, surprised, fearful or sad (broadly speaking) and then getting at the specific feeling to practice mindfulness.

Practice French - I got some done this morning, and did some with my kids later in the afternoon again. This seems to be working out.

Journal - busy but fun day

------

7 habits

Commitments

*Find some time to brainstorm goals again, and review the mission statement.

I still need to do this. Again I think it'll work better on Monday. So I'm actually gonna block out some focus time to get through that on Monday. The way I see it, this is necessary for also my career growth.

I'm gonna read some fiction and get ready for bed. Night everyone!