New Life+

[D_Cozy]

4 hours ago, Wildermyth said:

Many video games of course also follow this design philosophy, especially online and mobile games that are meant to grab your attention at all times. You can barely open up the app without the feeling of a reward coming your way and there's always room for one next game, dungeon, level etc. I totally understand why I fell victim to MMORPG's because they have all the ingredients I like in real life, like exploring new environments, learning new skills, overcoming challenges and chatting with friends at the same time. And If I didn't like the path I was on I could just restart everything and become someone else, somewhere else doing something else. It's the perfect artificial representation of life without the actual benefits of true happiness.

Yep, I fell into that with a rotation of mobile games I used to have years ago. There was a daily boss to fight as an alliance, a rotation of limited events, new "seasons" of story content drip-fed, and the loot boxes; the gacha summoning portal to get new heroes for in-game currency that you could buy with real money. My heart raced every time I saw a legendary hero pop out, even just typing that now reminded me of the feeling. But now I know that it's just a feeling, and nothing more than that. I know that I don't get lasting pleasure or happiness, not even relaxation or comfort because my heart rate is up and I will either be too excited of my prize or disappointed I got nothing. It's so much like gambling.

One other element that made me really addicted to them was the social element; I don't think I would've cared much for the big bosses had it not been had a cooperative element, the alliance banding together to take it down. That's what made me login daily as well, I didn't want to "disappoint" my teammates, and I liked feeling like I was "part of something bigger." But now that I've quit, the reality is that those people I played with weren't really anyone I owed anything to; out of the 90+ people I played and talked with regularly back then, I have only talked to one person since quitting (and he has also quit since). It's also why I got so addicted to social media, a lot of elements that those mobile games borrowed from social networks to keep me coming back daily.

Edited October 4, 2024 by D_Cozy

[Ikar]

On 10/4/2024 at 12:25 PM, Wildermyth said:

Many video games of course also follow this design philosophy, especially online and mobile games that are meant to grab your attention at all times. You can barely open up the app without the feeling of a reward coming your way and there's always room for one next game, dungeon, level etc. I totally understand why I fell victim to MMORPG's because they have all the ingredients I like in real life, like exploring new environments, learning new skills, overcoming challenges and chatting with friends at the same time. And If I didn't like the path I was on I could just restart everything and become someone else, somewhere else doing something else. It's the perfect artificial representation of life without the actual benefits of true happiness.

It's not just the games either. It's also the news, adverts, people with certain character traits... It's not always easy to opt out, but it's worth it, as then it's possible to use the time for something worthwhile.

On 10/4/2024 at 4:03 PM, D_Cozy said:

One other element that made me really addicted to them was the social element; I don't think I would've cared much for the big bosses had it not been had a cooperative element, the alliance banding together to take it down. That's what made me login daily as well, I didn't want to "disappoint" my teammates, and I liked feeling like I was "part of something bigger." But now that I've quit, the reality is that those people I played with weren't really anyone I owed anything to; out of the 90+ people I played and talked with regularly back then, I have only talked to one person since quitting (and he has also quit since). It's also why I got so addicted to social media, a lot of elements that those mobile games borrowed from social networks to keep me coming back daily.

I had it quite similar. I had some people watch my streams on Twitch and after I quit games, I wrote with one or two of the guys on Discord. I obviously had no Steam at that point and I didn't have much incentive to be on Discord either. It all eventually fizzled out a year or two later, but I don't think it's something unusual, even if it was an "offline" connection. If there is only one attachment (let's say a common hobby) between two people, it'd be strange if those two people (acquaintances) met afterwards on purpose. I think there are more attachments between true friends than just one.

One hack I found out for news and social media was to just not use their apps and access their websites through a normal mobile browser. That way I am more in control and have to think more before I go there and I'm OK with it.

[Amphibian220]

On 10/4/2024 at 1:25 PM, Wildermyth said:

But as soon as you introduce a cocktail of various ingredients that are all designed to work in beautiful harmony the sugar is suddenly brought to life and becomes SO much more appealing.

Put a good teacher in a school, and the pupils will want to attend it.

There has to be a realized conflict for your life to be exciting. If it is too easy, it will take away from the motivation. I think the problem is that people don't see conflicts . If they don't see them, they can’t resolve them. They get the illusion that the job is boring, or that talking with the neighbor won’t carry a benefit. 

There are alcoholics who can’t understand how living without alcohol is possible. Similarly, members of this forum relapse by switching from games to films, or social media thinking it is too fun to throw away. The most down to earth, rewarding growth I have had was when I pulled the chord on all electronic entertainment.

[wheatbiscuit]

On 10/7/2024 at 8:37 PM, Amphibian220 said:

Put a good teacher in a school, and the pupils will want to attend it.

There has to be a realized conflict for your life to be exciting. If it is too easy, it will take away from the motivation. I think the problem is that people don't see conflicts . If they don't see them, they can’t resolve them. They get the illusion that the job is boring, or that talking with the neighbor won’t carry a benefit. 

There are alcoholics who can’t understand how living without alcohol is possible. Similarly, members of this forum relapse by switching from games to films, or social media thinking it is too fun to throw away. The most down to earth, rewarding growth I have had was when I pulled the chord on all electronic entertainment.

My former gaming buddy (who wasn't as willing to do repetitive levelling) had a similar point of view. He wanted mild contest all the time - action that was enough for him (in-game). Back in the day, he got me to create a free forum to recount 'adventures' we had in our team. Basically, he seemed to be broadly about learning/'education' (edit: through organising battles and talking about them) - better than the entirely self-motivated kind, perhaps. 

One person I semi-worked with probably thought it before even knowing other people had said it first - 'everything is a competition if you try hard enough'. It might be right to say that a whole lot of us have gone wrong in our approaches to work and hobbies in terms of energy/'attitude' (a word my buddy also said was 'everything'). I sure as hell treated everything like a competition and game during my first 3 month holiday when high school was over for me. All I was scared of was me or my peers becoming sad or depressed. I fancy that I can usually tell now, and is that unhealthy?

I'm not even grieving for it so much anymore, but when I started challenging my parents, they didn't grow in my opinion, they straight up got back at me. I reckoned the difference between play and cruelty. I was allowed to mostly develop character on the internet, leaving a lot of space for growth behind for when finding myself in the right environments, it seems. Still, my defence for them would be not knowing any better.

Good posts here guys.

Edited October 14, 2024 by wheatbiscuit

[Ikar]

On 10/7/2024 at 11:37 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Put a good teacher in a school, and the pupils will want to attend it.

A few, maybe. As long as the standard format is a teacher telling kids something they can find on the internet, it doesn't have much practical relevance. The majority of the kids actually have the natural right to be bored. It might be why I never liked school, even though I am a teacher/lecturer. University was much better though, because I had an actual choice as an adult.

16 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I'm not even grieving for it so much anymore, but when I started challenging my parents, they didn't grow in my opinion, they straight up got back at me. I reckoned the difference between play and cruelty. I was allowed to mostly develop character on the internet, leaving a lot of space for growth behind for when finding myself in the right environments, it seems. Still, my defence for them would be not knowing any better.

Good posts here guys.

I am sure your parents didn't know any better; but that most likely also means they don't know any better now. I also found out some things about my parents only after I had my epiphany and quit gaming. They messed up. I messed up too. I don't regret it though. I have a good life now, so really there's no point in me pointing fingers.

[WilderDaze]

On 10/7/2024 at 11:37 AM, Amphibian220 said:

The most down to earth, rewarding growth I have had was when I pulled the chord on all electronic entertainment.

Wow, that's quite admirable. How do you even succeed with that in modern society when our surroundings are filled with so much tech and people that constantly use it?

[WilderDaze]

So I had a relapse again. I bought the same gaming console and surrounding equipment as the last time. I believe I got sidetracked by watching some Youtube videos that made my think some kind of balance was possible. I still fail to realize however that I'm not the target audience for those kind of advices. My brain is simply too hardwired at this point to not get hooked in an unhealthy way.

I think I end up in these situations rapidly now because I'm scared not to have anything in my life that gives those "highs" as video games did. Even though those feelings were nothing short of superficial my brain is still afraid of letting go completely. And ironically I feel more happiness than ever with the progress of my strength training, traveling and photography, yet I just cannot feel fully satisfied. Even though I can see how clearly it wastes my time to partake in gaming it just doesn't want to let go of me completely.

My brain just continues to make up reasons (excuses) to get me back into it:

"Wouldn't it be nice to have something fun to do on the train while traveling long distances?"

"Think of all the great video game music you can hear that can inspire you to create your own music!"

"It's a great place for you to unwind after a long day of work. You deserve to treat yourself!"

"You love to explore, and what better way to explore new worlds constantly than in a video game?"

"It's part of your identity and you know too much about it to let go at this point!"

"Maybe you can use your huge gaming struggle experience to help others while you still continue to game?" (this one is the most screwed up I think 🤔)

 

Would be glad to hear some input on this and some advice on how to proceed. What's causing me to relapsing this rapidly now when I mustered 9 months during my very first attempt?

[wheatbiscuit]

14 hours ago, Wildermyth said:

So I had a relapse again. I bought the same gaming console and surrounding equipment as the last time. I believe I got sidetracked by watching some Youtube videos that made my think some kind of balance was possible. I still fail to realize however that I'm not the target audience for those kind of advices. My brain is simply too hardwired at this point to not get hooked in an unhealthy way.

I think I end up in these situations rapidly now because I'm scared not to have anything in my life that gives those "highs" as video games did. Even though those feelings were nothing short of superficial my brain is still afraid of letting go completely. And ironically I feel more happiness than ever with the progress of my strength training, traveling and photography, yet I just cannot feel fully satisfied. Even though I can see how clearly it wastes my time to partake in gaming it just doesn't want to let go of me completely.

My brain just continues to make up reasons (excuses) to get me back into it:

"Wouldn't it be nice to have something fun to do on the train while traveling long distances?"

"Think of all the great video game music you can hear that can inspire you to create your own music!"

"It's a great place for you to unwind after a long day of work. You deserve to treat yourself!"

"You love to explore, and what better way to explore new worlds constantly than in a video game?"

"It's part of your identity and you know too much about it to let go at this point!"

"Maybe you can use your huge gaming struggle experience to help others while you still continue to game?" (this one is the most screwed up I think 🤔)

Would be glad to hear some input on this and some advice on how to proceed. What's causing me to relapsing this rapidly now when I mustered 9 months during my very first attempt?

I could appreciate the magnitude of having to buy a physical console in the extended heat of the moment until setting it up again. That decision would worry me to no end, personally (sorry :X). Typing here a ton has somehow kept me off of Youtube mostly, and I've given up trying to adjust my clicking style to those of 'the best' shown in videos, so I dunno. Hard learning and the sheer number of speaking videos on the topic of self-help have made me think long before starting one, this year. Putting down a book or taking a break from text feels less like abandoning something than pausing or leaving a video speech (I made this last statement up too, so not to worry!). Lastly, though there may be other 'peaks', our habits can always change. Even after my own cave-in yesterday, that idea wasn't shaken much. I just think to myself that I know what that will look like already, when I can't. 

I also sometimes think of physicists who could observe things like gravity, ripples, time and space and feel so mystified that they turned to the numbers, dedicated. I think of the guilt of using recorded music and earphones ebbing in and out as I determine whether or not I need it in the moment. Our 'predecessors' perhaps intended for people to be dedicated to discovery and/or reflection. I've said before that my RPG meets a similar need to observing splashes and ripples from dropping things in water. The rest of it is just a 'bonus'. I may not wholly be an introvert, but I have many introverted needs - like requiring fewer, intimate friends. It's not that I can't do otherwise, but maybe I shouldn't. I've thought that maybe monogamy/marriage these days is almost reserved for people who cannot be out of tune indefinitely with those needs and eventually need that recognised. Maybe that's some of us here at GQ.

___________

Finally, those sentences you've put in quotes and italics are so good I thought they were taken from this website! 

#2 - Inspiration that doesn't quite come to fruition 😛 

#3 - Unwinding! I almost wish I had proper experience of truly being wound up, but yeah - I usually add 'celebration' as a reason. Could you be kinder to yourself as to what you deserve, I wonder?

#5 - Familiarity with the game's images versus knowledge of the mechanics

#6 - It took a lot to decide to type my 'Day 0' post before just spouting whatever here first, true. And that's almost what I did this year for a couple of months. Maybe the real battle is finding the inspiration all offline.

Advice? 9 months is almost a year of study - subtract the holiday periods. I'm likely to try something official next year, if only for shared commitment meeting people for on-site learning. I like to joke around and answer deep questions for easy distractions, and once I find those ready people (as I did for awhile at work), things often go swimmingly. Try any study you'll find useful, and if you can turn up and form bonds, the learning might take care of itself.

I'm glad to have spent only an hour over breakfast here today - largely because of your post(s). Cheers Wilder.

Edited October 26, 2024 by wheatbiscuit

[Amphibian220]

On 10/26/2024 at 12:17 PM, Wildermyth said:

Wow, that's quite admirable. How do you even succeed with that in modern society when our surroundings are filled with so much tech and people that constantly use it?

This was a year when I had to learn a lot in a short period of time. There was no job security for me. I can get to the same sweet spot if I learn enough skills and challenge myself to a higher position.

Another period I can remember is when it was the norm to go out with my friends at lunch and return at night. We stayed in each other’s homes, but mostly played games outside. 

when we played the games, we discussed the local news, science, and plans to beat the other boys.

Edited October 27, 2024 by Amphibian220

[WilderDaze]

13 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I could appreciate the magnitude of having to buy a physical console in the extended heat of the moment until setting it up again. That decision would worry me to no end, personally (sorry :X). Typing here a ton has somehow kept me off of Youtube mostly, and I've given up trying to adjust my clicking style to those of 'the best' shown in videos, so I dunno. Hard learning and the sheer number of speaking videos on the topic of self-help have made me think long before starting one, this year. Putting down a book or taking a break from text feels less like abandoning something than pausing or leaving a video speech (I made this last statement up too, so not to worry!). Lastly, though there may be other 'peaks', our habits can always change. Even after my own cave-in yesterday, that idea wasn't shaken much. I just think to myself that I know what that will look like already, when I can't. 

I also sometimes think of physicists who could observe things like gravity, ripples, time and space and feel so mystified that they turned to the numbers, dedicated. I think of the guilt of using recorded music and earphones ebbing in and out as I determine whether or not I need it in the moment. Our 'predecessors' perhaps intended for people to be dedicated to discovery and/or reflection. I've said before that my RPG meets a similar need to observing splashes and ripples from dropping things in water. The rest of it is just a 'bonus'. I may not wholly be an introvert, but I have many introverted needs - like requiring fewer, intimate friends. It's not that I can't do otherwise, but maybe I shouldn't. I've thought that maybe monogamy/marriage these days is almost reserved for people who cannot be out of tune indefinitely with those needs and eventually need that recognised. Maybe that's some of us here at GQ.

___________

Finally, those sentences you've put in quotes and italics are so good I thought they were taken from this website! 

#2 - Inspiration that doesn't quite come to fruition 😛 

#3 - Unwinding! I almost wish I had proper experience of truly being wound up, but yeah - I usually add 'celebration' as a reason. Could you be kinder to yourself as to what you deserve, I wonder?

#5 - Familiarity with the game's images versus knowledge of the mechanics

#6 - It took a lot to decide to type my 'Day 0' post before just spouting whatever here first, true. And that's almost what I did this year for a couple of months. Maybe the real battle is finding the inspiration all offline.

Advice? 9 months is almost a year of study - subtract the holiday periods. I'm likely to try something official next year, if only for shared commitment meeting people for on-site learning. I like to joke around and answer deep questions for easy distractions, and once I find those ready people (as I did for awhile at work), things often go swimmingly. Try any study you'll find useful, and if you can turn up and form bonds, the learning might take care of itself.

I'm glad to have spent only an hour over breakfast here today - largely because of your post(s). Cheers Wilder.

I had one of those worrying experiences when I bought another console about six months ago. I bought the most expensive version of the console, the best controller, a new tv and even some new furniture, but when I started booting it up I kind of froze and just bailed on everything immediately.

I too am somewhat of a thinker and an observer. I recently made a personality test which highlighted my need for discovery and new experiences. I think video games at least gave the notion of discovering something new, even though life outside of the game never moved forward in any significant way. I believe every aspect a game builds on premises that holds true in real life; we are curious beings who like to progress and discover things, and we also like to share and be strengthened in our commitment to knowledge. When someone asks me how a mountain is formed I never scan my brain for games I've played, but I rather try to collect memories from my interactions with real mountains in order to form that knowledge and response. To me that feeling is incredibly powerful and it truly makes me feel like I'm connected with reality and my own self. 

I sometimes think about that scene from American Beauty where one of the characters observes a plastic bag in the wind. It's such a dull moment taken at first glance, but the more involved you get with your senses and your ability to understand you realize the complexity of what's unfolding. And that's also what the character is experiencing when he gets so touched by the moment that he gets tears in his eyes. It's such a powerful feeling just to be alive and to be connected with reality and sometimes we forget that even the smallest of things can bring us that feeling.

Today when I woke up I was more determined than ever and I'm gonna ride this feeling out for as long as I can. Right now I feel incredibly inspired to learn the piano and make some music for once and I'm gonna take the first steps to make this come true. Thanks for the inspiration and kind words! 💚

[WilderDaze]

The cravings right now...

[WilderDaze]

So I fell into a short gaming relapse once again. This time I had a strong feeling of being overwhelmed by several tasks in my everyday life and I just couldn't see how gaming was benefitial to my already tight time schedule. Most of all I wanted to prioritize gym training, which has kind of developed into a real hobby and therefor demands more attention than before. My gym sessions are about 1,5-2 hours long and in-between I need to rest properly and look over my program to make adjustments. I've also finally started piano lessons and bought myself a nice looking digital piano. With all this I've realized I need as few distractions as possible to really make time and practice.

Usually I quit in an unhinged state of playing excessively, but this time I was just kind of bored and tired of booting up the console. I just couldn't bring myself to feel any enjoyment or sense of meaningfulness. All I thought about was all the time I could've used to learn something new and meaningful, like playing the piano or going outside. Even though this is a relapse yet again I'm gonna see the outcome of this one as a personal victory. It feels like my new hobbies have finally created a natural desire to steer away from gaming and that's a major win.

I'll make sure to post some videos in the future when I get better at playing the piano. Peace! 💚

[Amphibian220]

Welcome back my man. Like your skiing goggles.

I see a Solid response to gaming scraps. 

Can you describe a successful day at your gym?

[WilderDaze]

Haha, thanks man!

I would say a successful day at the gym always starts with a good nights sleep and some mental preparation. With a fully rested body and a clear mind I'm more likely to really push myself and follow through with the entire program. It's also important to rest in-between sessions and to eat properly. I don't personally believe in cheat days as they tend to undo a lot of the work you put in during the weekdays. Just stay focused and be on track and you will learn to love the lifestyle of being healthy. Also, listen to your body. If it hurts, stop immediately. If you feel exhausted, concider an extra rest day. You will reach your goals eventually as long as you're willing to put in the time and effort; there is no need to rush things.

[WilderDaze]

Had a really awesome gym session today! Felt very energized and completed my entire program pretty much flawlessly. I think I was in the right mental state, not having to worry about lack of time or getting home as quickly as possible. Being at the gym and thinking "this will take as much time as it needs, I'm in no rush" is just such a relief. I remember feeling like this every now and then when I managed to quit for about 9 months. It's a hard feeling to describe but it really helps to reinforce the decision to quit for good.

I've also started the process of trying to get up at 7 a.m. every day which is a bit rough so far, even though it has gotten better with each day. I've calculated that this is the optimal time for me to always get up as my work starts at 8 a.m. certain days. And it just helps with everything related to my sleep and energy for the day if I always get up the same time every day, or at least try. But this also means that I have to get in bed earlier and that's the most challenging part. I think I'll have to be a bit flexible with this as I sometimes work late hours and don't have the option to go to bed very early. I know for sure though that not playing video games will help immensely with this!

[Ikar]

On 1/25/2025 at 10:40 AM, WilderDaze said:

My gym sessions are about 1,5-2 hours long and in-between I need to rest properly and look over my program to make adjustments.

I get that. I just finished a workout with my girlfriend that lasted about an hour. Another hour to relax a little, take a shower and eat. I hated to rush the workout time maybe it was a part of the reason why I quit working out completely a few years ago. These two hour blocks are hard for me to find, but I try to work out at least twice a week.

51 minutes ago, WilderDaze said:

I've also started the process of trying to get up at 7 a.m. every day which is a bit rough so far, even though it has gotten better with each day. I've calculated that this is the optimal time for me to always get up as my work starts at 8 a.m. certain days. And it just helps with everything related to my sleep and energy for the day if I always get up the same time every day, or at least try. But this also means that I have to get in bed earlier and that's the most challenging part. I think I'll have to be a bit flexible with this as I sometimes work late hours and don't have the option to go to bed very early. I know for sure though that not playing video games will help immensely with this!

I get up around 7 every day at too, also because my earliest work time is 8. I normally tend to wake up with the sun, so to speak, but everybody is different. There are morningness/eveningness questionnaires online to help out with determining the best circadian rhythm for you 🙂 

[WilderDaze]

41 minutes ago, Ikar said:

I get that. I just finished a workout with my girlfriend that lasted about an hour. Another hour to relax a little, take a shower and eat. I hated to rush the workout time maybe it was a part of the reason why I quit working out completely a few years ago. These two hour blocks are hard for me to find, but I try to work out at least twice a week.

I get up around 7 every day at too, also because my earliest work time is 8. I normally tend to wake up with the sun, so to speak, but everybody is different. There are morningness/eveningness questionnaires online to help out with determining the best circadian rhythm for you 🙂 

I prefer to wake up to the sun as well, but living so far north we only have like 4-5 hours of sun during winter time. At the moment the sun rises close to 9 a.m. so I can't really adjust my sleep to that. During summer time it's waaaaay easier to get into a good sleeping pattern as it's so much more invigorating waking up to the rising sun.

[WilderDaze]

After a six month absence I'm back from yet another relapse. I've been bouncing back and forth, trying to convince myself that I can control it, yet I never can. I occasionally experience something that feels like a balanced state of mind, but I know that this is a sign that gaming has tipped the balance in its favor. No matter how little I game, I still think about games, plan around games and watch games... a lot. Most of all it leads to so many conflicting thoughts that I have to suffer through because I know deep down that what I'm doing is destructive. I'm battling my common sense with the part of my brain that just wants to have a simple joyride. Instead of focusing on the things I'll gain I'm fixating on what I'll lose.

I'm planning to meet a friend later today and we're gonna talk about it. I've never explicity said it before (and maybe that's part of the problem) but this time I'm calling for the help to quit permanently. During earlier attempts I've still had an urge to leave the door slightly open, and this has manifested itself in how I describe my issues to my friends. During my relapses they have encouraged me and stood by my side, but maybe not in a way that reinforces my decision to really quit, because that's honestly not how I've communicated it.

I think it's hard to describe to other people just how damaging it can feel to be addicted to games, because from the outside a person can still look calm and collected. The signs are hard to read and therefor most people just seem to go along and agree with what the person communicates. If I say "my gaming habits are finally going great!", then it sounds like I've overcome many of my issues, when in reality it might be the complete opposite. I want people to provoke me and help me setting up the boundries, because obviously I cannot do it all alone.

In any case, it feels great to be back here. I find the forums to be a great source of strength and it's probably the only place I know of where people understand what I'm talking about. Cheers!

[Amphibian220]

Welcome back.
 

In these instances, do you ever get to choose between your favorite sport and the video game? What do you choose in that case?

As an amateur skier, do you get better year on year?

Is your sport a social activity with competition elements?

[WilderDaze]

3 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Welcome back.
 

In these instances, do you ever get to choose between your favorite sport and the video game? What do you choose in that case?

As an amateur skier, do you get better year on year?

Is your sport a social activity with competition elements?

Thank you!

Yes, the deeper I went into the gaming rabbit hole the more I sacrificed skiing, especially during the weekends. Last year I visited my sister who lives at a ski restort about 4 times and I also went to lots of local slopes, including some new ones. This year I visited my sister 2 times and I made it to my local slopes maybe 3 times in total. And I didn't even visit one of my favourite slopes as I almost forgot about it completely.

Skiing for me is not really about competition, but rather an opportunity to convince myself that I can learn something really difficult if I put a lot of time and effort into it. I've made some great progress since I started out 3 years ago as I've went from barely being able to stand on a pair of skiis to go fully carving at high speeds. My collegues have commented that I am like a machine when I set my mind to something; I have a clear structure that I follow and I don't stop until the job is done. I love doing things like this in real life as I get to explore all the nooks and crannies of the things I enjoy. I am incredibly nerdy and I have no shame in it really.

I believe some of this mentality comes from the way I approach gaming as well, but in that instance the challenge is always well catered to me specifically and the rewards are practically none. It's ultimately a fantasy reality where I don't feel like I'm progressing as a human being. And despite this simple fact I still want to stay in that fantasy, at all times, like my life depended on it. This is why it's so hurtful for me to engage with it and why I feel the need to leave it all behind.

Here's a clip from my last skiing trip:

 

[wheatbiscuit]

8 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

After a six month absence I'm back from yet another relapse. I've been bouncing back and forth, trying to convince myself that I can control it, yet I never can. I occasionally experience something that feels like a balanced state of mind, but I know that this is a sign that gaming has tipped the balance in its favor. No matter how little I game, I still think about games, plan around games and watch games... a lot. Most of all it leads to so many conflicting thoughts that I have to suffer through because I know deep down that what I'm doing is destructive. I'm battling my common sense with the part of my brain that just wants to have a simple joyride. Instead of focusing on the things I'll gain I'm fixating on what I'll lose.

I'm planning to meet a friend later today and we're gonna talk about it. I've never explicity said it before (and maybe that's part of the problem) but this time I'm calling for the help to quit permanently. During earlier attempts I've still had an urge to leave the door slightly open, and this has manifested itself in how I describe my issues to my friends. During my relapses they have encouraged me and stood by my side, but maybe not in a way that reinforces my decision to really quit, because that's honestly not how I've communicated it.

I think it's hard to describe to other people just how damaging it can feel to be addicted to games, because from the outside a person can still look calm and collected. The signs are hard to read and therefor most people just seem to go along and agree with what the person communicates. If I say "my gaming habits are finally going great!", then it sounds like I've overcome many of my issues, when in reality it might be the complete opposite. I want people to provoke me and help me setting up the boundries, because obviously I cannot do it all alone.

In any case, it feels great to be back here. I find the forums to be a great source of strength and it's probably the only place I know of where people understand what I'm talking about. Cheers!

I hope it goes well with your friend. If it's comfortable to, let us know.

During my first detox, I was introduced to a person who was very controlled, but pretty much hadn't embarked on much of the journey of self-discovery. He started text conversations late in the evening, possibly after hours spent gaming, and basically we rarely connected on a personal level. He and I could meet up, and complete a task together, but there was a level of contempt for each other's ways of life for the most part. I often discussed things aloud without interruption, and only when I happened to 'strike gold' would he suddenly say 'Are you telling the truth? That's how I feel.' After one abrupt text too many, I disconnected from him. I have only really since considered bargaining using my resolute truths in exchange for joining me on this journey, but as he's repeatedly stated, he is wary of oversharing - and it would probably be a matter of his principle for me to apologise first, before anything else. I did give warnings. I think it says something that no one I've told about GameQuitters has ever brought up anything I've posted here in other conversations - I personally would have if someone told me. 

Welcome back.

[WilderDaze]

14 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

I hope it goes well with your friend. If it's comfortable to, let us know.

During my first detox, I was introduced to a person who was very controlled, but pretty much hadn't embarked on much of the journey of self-discovery. He started text conversations late in the evening, possibly after hours spent gaming, and basically we rarely connected on a personal level. He and I could meet up, and complete a task together, but there was a level of contempt for each other's ways of life for the most part. I often discussed things aloud without interruption, and only when I happened to 'strike gold' would he suddenly say 'Are you telling the truth? That's how I feel.' After one abrupt text too many, I disconnected from him. I have only really since considered bargaining using my resolute truths in exchange for joining me on this journey, but as he's repeatedly stated, he is wary of oversharing - and it would probably be a matter of his principle for me to apologise first, before anything else. I did give warnings. I think it says something that no one I've told about GameQuitters has ever brought up anything I've posted here in other conversations - I personally would have if someone told me. 

Welcome back.

I've spoken with my best friend now and she's been very supportive. She said she could offer me a lot of her strength, but she also referred me to a psychiatrist as she pointed out her limitations. I think my friends will work more as a way to create resistance to gaming, as I feel responsible for keeping my promises to them. Tackling my issues head on however might be where I seek out the mental health care. I've written an application now so hopefully I'll get an answer shortly.

[WilderDaze]

I've been commenting for a while on gaming addiction videos on Youtube. Most of the answers I get are encouraging, but there's also a steady stream of people who really can't grasp what gaming addiction truly is. They often comment things like "learn to moderate!" and "games are not the problem - you are!", while also being agressively defensive around their own decisions to enjoy games.

It's frustrating that it has to be like this, because speaking about your own struggles is not meant to be an attack on everyone else's enjoyment. As with many forms of addiction it has to be implied that a majority of people do not struggle with maintaining a crucial balance. Those who do, however, are in danger of ruining their lives. 

We still have a long way to go before people acknowledge this and learn how to approach gaming addicts with understanding and respect. For the time being I think I will stop commenting, because it also feels slightly triggering to be hit with a constant barrage of "you can control it!" sentiments. Trying to defend your stance also poses the risk of shaking it.

[WilderDaze]

I feel like I'm in a very sensitive phase right now, coming off my most recent relapse. I experience strong cravings and I'm constantly watching different sites to see if a game console is in stock. In order to find some strength and focus I think it will help if I reflect a bit on the past, and remind myself of how I hurt my previous girlfriends. I'll make up some names to keep them anonymous as I write about these experiences below.

 

1. Elise was my very first girlfriend. She was prone to self-injury as she had quite a fragile mind. It started out quite innocent and lovingly but quickly escalated into abuse and constant fighting. We were both young and damaged, and we did not have the capacity to foster a healthy relationshop. It's easy to understand that now but back then there was no experience to weigh things on. A couple of months into the relationship I started playing MMO games. Elise noticed that I drifted away and became less wary of her presence. We talked a lot online during those days since we lived a long way from each other, but when I was gaming it could take hours between my answers. She eventually started playing the same game as me and this was when we both got caught in the imaginary loop. When we had fights we even avoided each other inside the game world. At one time I even tried to hurt her by logging into her character and stealing all of her most valuable things, which to this day is something I'm still heavily embarrassed about. We were slowly becoming two husks without clear motivation and no will to save our relationship. After a couple of really bad fights it eventually ended.

 

2. Amanda was my second girlfriend. We had a stronger connection than me and Elise and I felt that I had matured somewhat. Ironically we met at a gaming meetup as we both liked gaming a lot. Amanda however had the ability to moderate her gaming time, which I was envious of. We initially lived together in a really small student apartment as she was studying while I was trying to find a job. Deep down I never wanted to get a job. because I just wanted to stay at home all day and make progress in my games. It went so far that I started lying about going to work, so that I could focus all my attention on gaming. I usually went up, as If I was heading to work, and then I just walked in circles outside for a couple of hours until I knew my girlfriend had left the place. After this I went back and gamed all day long until she came back, and then I lied about being at work all day long and that I had come home early. To this day she still doesn't know about this because I'm so ashamed of it. She was the sweetest girl and she never deserved anyone who would lie to her like that. When we eventually moved to a new place it all just escalated and my gaming habits were more out in the open. I could sit in one room and game all evening while her friends and her were having a great time in the other. At one time she opened the door just to show her friends what I was doing and I could barely muster the energy to say "hello". It ended a couple of months later when we moved apart to study at different locations. She felt there was nothing left to take from and that it had all withered, and she was right.

 

3. Emma is to this day my most successful relationship. Not because I stopped gaming while we were together, but because I had my own apartment to isolate myself in. I managed to strike a balance at the beginning of gaming when I had time for myself, and giving my girlfriend all the attention when we were together. Emma was incredibly attractive to me and her drawing force was most of the time stronger than what gaming was providing. This was kind of a wake up call to me, where I started to understand that other things in life could feel more relevant and meaningful than gaming. Despite this however we had a couple of clashes where she felt I was spending too much time on gaming forums and reading about games when we were together. And what ultimately brought our relationship to its demise was me growing tired of the relationship, as If I had worn myself down emotionally by being so invested. I think the mindset I grew from gaming heavily contributed to this, as I had the habit of burning myself out on various games and then quickly moved on to the next. I remember feeling a moment of relief when we finally broke up, because I knew that gaming then had my fullest attention. It makes me sad to think about it to this day.

 

4. Helen was perhaps the most emotional relationship I've experienced at the time. She brought out a lot of insecurities in me and was quite confrontational. In one way I needed a person like this in my life, but I was unsure that it to be a love partner. We had a strong honemoon phase which quickly transformed into something completely different when we decided to move in together. The way she was making me feel about myself made me more resistant to her better sides, and I eventually used every free time to escape into my gaming reality. At the end I did almost nothing but gamed all day long, and she told me that she resented me for it. We had a long and difficult talk on the side of the bed where she told me that I reminded her of a past experience with a drug addict. I showed the same signs and the same eagerness to make excuses for myself and downplay everything. She eventually broke up with me and threw me out of the apartment, rightly so.

 

5. Selena was the last girl I had any interactions with. We never really formed a relationship but dated for about 3 months. We had a lot of happy moments together, but in the end she got scared of what she was seeing. She told me I had lost track of a couple of important factors in my life, like my family and my physical health. She was right of course, but it pained me to hear about it so I shunned her and acted poorly. We didn't speak for about 6 months, but eventually ran into each other by chance. It led to one of the best conversations I've had to this day, where I was speaking the truth for the first time and apologized very maturely. Since this interaction I've never commited to anything romantic. Partly because I haven't felt the need or the strength to do so, but also because I've realized I have to deal with my addiction before I continue any further. I know by now how hurtful it can be to live with someone who loses track of everything, and it's not the person I want to be. I want my partner to have my fullest attention whenever we are together, and I want to feel a peace of mind whenever we are apart. I've never experienced a relationship without struggling with gaming and it feels both a bit scary, but also very exciting. Hopefully I'll learn more about this from experience in the near future.

[Ikar]

9 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

1. Elise was my very first girlfriend. She was prone to self-injury as she had quite a fragile mind. It started out quite innocent and lovingly but quickly escalated into abuse and constant fighting. We were both young and damaged, and we did not have the capacity to foster a healthy relationshop. It's easy to understand that now but back then there was no experience to weigh things on. A couple of months into the relationship I started playing MMO games. Elise noticed that I drifted away and became less wary of her presence. We talked a lot online during those days since we lived a long way from each other, but when I was gaming it could take hours between my answers. She eventually started playing the same game as me and this was when we both got caught in the imaginary loop. When we had fights we even avoided each other inside the game world. At one time I even tried to hurt her by logging into her character and stealing all of her most valuable things, which to this day is something I'm still heavily embarrassed about. We were slowly becoming two husks without clear motivation and no will to save our relationship. After a couple of really bad fights it eventually ended.

Oh wow, this is 100% my first relationship and my first girlfriend. It went down the same for me. Anyway, we're way past this type of relationship, but I wonder how these relationship patterns - either from parents, family or elsewhere - took hold in us. 

9 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

Amanda however had the ability to moderate her gaming time, which I was envious of. We initially lived together in a really small student apartment as she was studying while I was trying to find a job. Deep down I never wanted to get a job. because I just wanted to stay at home all day and make progress in my games. It went so far that I started lying about going to work, so that I could focus all my attention on gaming.

9 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

We had a long and difficult talk on the side of the bed where she told me that I reminded her of a past experience with a drug addict. I showed the same signs and the same eagerness to make excuses for myself and downplay everything. She eventually broke up with me and threw me out of the apartment, rightly so.

9 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

5. Selena was the last girl I had any interactions with. We never really formed a relationship but dated for about 3 months. We had a lot of happy moments together, but in the end she got scared of what she was seeing. She told me I had lost track of a couple of important factors in my life, like my family and my physical health. She was right of course, but it pained me to hear about it so I shunned her and acted poorly. We didn't speak for about 6 months, but eventually ran into each other by chance. It led to one of the best conversations I've had to this day, where I was speaking the truth for the first time and apologized very maturely. Since this interaction I've never commited to anything romantic. Partly because I haven't felt the need or the strength to do so, but also because I've realized I have to deal with my addiction before I continue any further. I know by now how hurtful it can be to live with someone who loses track of everything, and it's not the person I want to be. I want my partner to have my fullest attention whenever we are together, and I want to feel a peace of mind whenever we are apart. I've never experienced a relationship without struggling with gaming and it feels both a bit scary, but also very exciting. Hopefully I'll learn more about this from experience in the near future.

I was wondering why I made this selection of quotes earlier, but I see some patterns how:

1) It might seem like a funny thing to say, but you in the end did have five relationships 😄

2) All of your girlfriends were correct in telling you that "something was off" in their own unique ways. Having a balanced life is very important for a long-term relationship. 

3) All this experience will help your future relationships with other girlfriends, but also your relationship with you.

10 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

In order to find some strength and focus I think it will help if I reflect a bit on the past, and remind myself of how I hurt my previous girlfriends.

It's OK to admit past faults, but don't be too hard on yourself. You were together for a reason. If you gave it your sincere best shot at the time, that's all that matters. Hopefully all of them learnt something from you too 🙂