New Life+

[WilderDaze]

11 hours ago, Ikar said:

Oh wow, this is 100% my first relationship and my first girlfriend. It went down the same for me. Anyway, we're way past this type of relationship, but I wonder how these relationship patterns - either from parents, family or elsewhere - took hold in us. 

I was wondering why I made this selection of quotes earlier, but I see some patterns how:

1) It might seem like a funny thing to say, but you in the end did have five relationships 😄

2) All of your girlfriends were correct in telling you that "something was off" in their own unique ways. Having a balanced life is very important for a long-term relationship. 

3) All this experience will help your future relationships with other girlfriends, but also your relationship with you.

It's OK to admit past faults, but don't be too hard on yourself. You were together for a reason. If you gave it your sincere best shot at the time, that's all that matters. Hopefully all of them learnt something from you too 🙂  

Yeah, I know we had some really great moments from time to time. Especially me and Emma; whenever I think of her there's almost always good memories to recall. I think this is why I've never given up hope about love, or stopped believing in my capacity to show great love. I just need to work out my addictions in order to bring out the best of me most of the time. 🙂

[Amphibian220]

On 6/9/2025 at 9:13 PM, WilderDaze said:

 

Skiing for me is not really about competition, but rather an opportunity to convince myself that I can learn something really difficult if I put a lot of time and effort into it. I've made some great progress since I started out 3 years ago as I've went from barely being able to stand on a pair of skiis to go fully carving at high speeds. My collegues have commented that I am like a machine when I set my mind to something; I have a clear structure that I follow and I don't stop until the job is done. I love doing things like this in real life as I get to explore all the nooks and crannies of the things I enjoy. I am incredibly nerdy and I have no shame in it really:

 

Rock solid. This is the kind of activity I can dedicate years to  provided i can iterate it and have measurable (or perceivable) goals. It remains exciting in perpetuity so long as there is a crowd around this thing and somebody is challenging me to get better. It was the tv set. I only watched the tv to get tips on skills.

When i could do it, i went skiing from lunch until darkness three times per week. I would travel an hour to and an hour back from the ski slope. The thing took the whole day and good riddance to the computer! I stopped due to a number of reasons (mainly health and finances).

a sport obsession has all these facets:

1. people start to recognize you, maybe on tv too.

2. you take part in competitions after a while,

3. you are woken up in the morning by your skiing competitors who are also friends, to do the next thing.

4. your future wife is met through the sport,

5. you look to buying the next best equipment,

6. you become a sponsor for the brand.

This thing ran for me in perpetuity like a snowball. So long as it continued, nothing else mattered. The loser in the mind was getting less and less vocal. But my mind demanded to see better results, that meant that my investment was paying off.

Who programmed me this way? A sports channel that convinced me that athletes are happy and resilient people. I had the mad smile on my face when i knew i was going for my next slope.

[WilderDaze]

On 6/14/2025 at 6:28 AM, Amphibian220 said:

Rock solid. This is the kind of activity I can dedicate years to  provided i can iterate it and have measurable (or perceivable) goals. It remains exciting in perpetuity so long as there is a crowd around this thing and somebody is challenging me to get better. It was the tv set. I only watched the tv to get tips on skills.

When i could do it, i went skiing from lunch until darkness three times per week. I would travel an hour to and an hour back from the ski slope. The thing took the whole day and good riddance to the computer! I stopped due to a number of reasons (mainly health and finances).

a sport obsession has all these facets:

1. people start to recognize you, maybe on tv too.

2. you take part in competitions after a while,

3. you are woken up in the morning by your skiing competitors who are also friends, to do the next thing.

4. your future wife is met through the sport,

5. you look to buying the next best equipment,

6. you become a sponsor for the brand.

This thing ran for me in perpetuity like a snowball. So long as it continued, nothing else mattered. The loser in the mind was getting less and less vocal. But my mind demanded to see better results, that meant that my investment was paying off.

Who programmed me this way? A sports channel that convinced me that athletes are happy and resilient people. I had the mad smile on my face when i knew i was going for my next slope.

I don't have a driver's license yet, but when i do, I reckon this will take off like there's no tomorrow. I can see that you have the same fire inside you, and it's nice to see someone here having other passions besides gaming. I had no issues taking new things up when I left gaming behind, because I had always dreamed about these activitites ever since I tried them out the first time. And I know by now that I'm driven by a strong will to explore and learn new things. I love to travel and to document new places with my camera. I also love to have new sports to look forward to every season so I can enjoy myself all the year around. As long as I have the motivation, I will always try new and exciting things. It is what keeps me going and what makes me bring my focus away from gaming.

[WilderDaze]

So my dopamine circuits have been running amok the last couple of days. The more my brain realizes it's not going to be fed anymore video games it's been keen on seeking out substitutes. Naturally this always seem to be overeating unhealthy stuff and watching a lot of porn. Gaming, junk food and porn were my three biggest vices back in the day when my addiction was at an all time high. The only time I left home was when I was too tired to game, jerk off or when I had to go to the grocery store to get some more junk food. Most of the time I didn't even make it to the grocery store, so instead I bought super expensive junk food at a gas station close by. Those were the glory days!

All of this has of course led me to put a brake on several more compulsive behaviours, because they all come from the same destructive place. They are all subpar means of dealing with stress, loneliness and the lack of direction. But now I have most of those things in my life so it's much easier to grind the machinery to a halt and say 'hang on a minute!'. I have so many poor ways of not having to deal with reality and I think I have to bring all of them under the light in order to really beat my gaming addiction. My obsession with gaming might be at the top of the obsession pyramid, but when it's under control, I'm just working my way down to the next stop and eventually jump back on top. Patience, self control and going inwards to find deeper answers will be my focus going forward.

Currently I'm exploring the psychology of addiction through the many works of Carl Jung. I came over this particular video about young men being unable to grow and find true meaning, and it really resonated with me. The term "Puer Aeternus" (The Eternal Boy) feels like something that could be applied to young men today who have a hard time leaving the comfort of their digital screens. They are all great leaders, creators and lovers in their own dreamy minds, but none of it really comes to fruition, as they are stuck and helpless.

 

 

[WilderDaze]

I'm feeling some serious cravings right now. I think it stems from boredome mostly, but also because I anticipated to have been playing a specific set of games right now on a newly released gaming consoles. I had built up so much hype and preparation to get this starting, and then it just all ended abruptly. During my previous attempts to quit I didn't have much to draw in me back initially, but this time there's plenty of things. It's easy to get distracted and start to fixate on them, especially when you experience occasional moments of weakness. 

Oh well, the fight goes on!

[WilderDaze]

Day 5 now and I'm beginning to feel my mind clearing up and energy returning to me. I'm keeping track of the days with a calendar on my fridge, and it helps to keep me motivated and to stay strong. The biggest enemy is the feeling of boredome and trying not to freak out about the near future. My vacation is coming up in just 2 weeks time and usually I really, really look forward to it as it creates a lot of opportunity to delve into video games, but this time I have to do something different entirely. It's a good thing of course, but it will be a challenge for sure.

I'm really trying to get into reading. Sometimes it has my fullest attention, but most of the time I'm struggling to keep my focus. I've always had a hard time reading as I get easily distracted and my mind starts to wander. Maybe video games is what made me so impatient and absent-minded, or maybe it was there all along. In any case, I'm practicing my attention now and I hope it will become easier as I progress with more kinds of litterature.

[wheatbiscuit]

13 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

I'm really trying to get into reading. Sometimes it has my fullest attention, but most of the time I'm struggling to keep my focus. I've always had a hard time reading as I get easily distracted and my mind starts to wander. Maybe video games is what made me so impatient and absent-minded, or maybe it was there all along. In any case, I'm practicing my attention now and I hope it will become easier as I progress with more kinds of litterature.

There was an article that saw me first read the term 'bibliotherapy'. It talked about 'finding the right book'. I think the mind is supposed to wander when you think of a life solution or two whilst reading, or even if you stop and think, 'Wow, I've never seen it put that way before (in words)', and consider social possibilities. That's what tends to happen to me, once I started 'needing' to read as a teenager, and not just skimming as a child to impress people with page count. 😄 

[WilderDaze]

17 hours ago, wheatbiscuit said:

There was an article that saw me first read the term 'bibliotherapy'. It talked about 'finding the right book'. I think the mind is supposed to wander when you think of a life solution or two whilst reading, or even if you stop and think, 'Wow, I've never seen it put that way before (in words)', and consider social possibilities. That's what tends to happen to me, once I started 'needing' to read as a teenager, and not just skimming as a child to impress people with page count. 😄 

I've noticed I have the hardest time reading fiction. I just find it confusing with so many characters, events and occasional timehops. I'm more drawn to scientific litterature where I can learn new things about the world I live in. I recently read a book about cloud formations which was very informative, and I'm also waiting on a geology book to drop in the mail. I just find it so fascinating to learn about the nuances of the world; it makes it much more exciting to explore.

[WilderDaze]

I've been watching some gaming videos and listing favourite games the last couple of days. It feels like I've been on the verge of relapsing pretty hard, but today I deleted everything. I will make a clean reinstall of Windows on both my PC's this weekend and then make sure to get rid of everything else gaming related.

I'm also gonna relaunch my photography on a new site as I deleted Instagram a while back. I just couldn't stand how Instagram felt like yet another dopamine trap. It totally affected the way I was taking photos and how I choose to present them. I don't want my photography to be another source of validation, and I want to take photos of the things that truly please ME and not others.

I recognize that the struggle this time around is partly due to me not having a new interest to hyperfocus on. When I went on my 9 month streak I had photography and skiing to occupy every free hour. I think I might try to go for the driver's license this time around because that surely will take up a LOT of my time and focus, seeing how long it has taken me to gain the confidence to even practice driving. I think it will truly transform my life as there are SO many places I would like to go that are only possible with a car. Just to drive down to my family instead of taking the train all the time feels like a real bliss.

[WilderDaze]

I feel like I'm slowly breaking myself down to eventually be built up again. I'm in this constant hypersensitive state that is both exhausting, but also empowering. I've learnt to appreciate these moments over the years as they make everything around me more vibrant and tasteful. Sometimes it shifts into unbearable noise of course, but I think that's part of the pursuit of absolute clarity.

We as humans are so used to suppressing and numbing our pain with various stimuli that we have almost forgotten how we truly feel deep inside. Sometimes it feels like everyone is caught in this neverending act of selfdeception, and if you try to explain it to them you are the one that gets pointed out as the odd one.

I have no idea how to truly free yourself from the shackles of this modernized world where everything seems to offer a way to escape oneself, but I'm at least willing to explore it and to expose myself in the process. It is painful, but also exhilarating.

 

A rather insightful video on the topic:

 

[WilderDaze]

So today I got a reprimand at work for a situation that my boss took offense with. It felt painful initially and put a spin on my mind for a couple of hours. But I also noticed that I was quite comfortable with carrying these conflicting feelings, and I didn't want to suppress or numb them immediately. My mind started to wander towards the usual self-soothing stuff, like gaming, junk food etc., but I let it run its course and managed to find some focus eventually. I later called my boss and apologized and we had quite a good talk about it where he explained that his intention was to not make "a big deal" out of it, which felt comforting.

Overall I'm surprised at how well I reacted to this. Usually I like to just hide and forget about my bad feelings, but here I faced them head on and felt quite good about myself in the end. It's been a couple of weeks since I really engaged with a video game so I suppose my brain is now adapting and finding new sources of strength and motivation. Feels awesome honestly!

Edited June 24 by WilderDaze

[Ikar]

On 6/19/2025 at 5:20 PM, WilderDaze said:

I've noticed I have the hardest time reading fiction. I just find it confusing with so many characters, events and occasional timehops. I'm more drawn to scientific litterature where I can learn new things about the world I live in. I recently read a book about cloud formations which was very informative, and I'm also waiting on a geology book to drop in the mail. I just find it so fascinating to learn about the nuances of the world; it makes it much more exciting to explore.

If it's any consolation, I can't read fiction either. I need something packed with useful or at least interesting information, that I could use in reality 😄 

On 6/19/2025 at 6:16 PM, WilderDaze said:

I recognize that the struggle this time around is partly due to me not having a new interest to hyperfocus on. When I went on my 9 month streak I had photography and skiing to occupy every free hour. I think I might try to go for the driver's license this time around because that surely will take up a LOT of my time and focus, seeing how long it has taken me to gain the confidence to even practice driving. I think it will truly transform my life as there are SO many places I would like to go that are only possible with a car. Just to drive down to my family instead of taking the train all the time feels like a real bliss.

It's OK to not have that ONE thing to hyperfocus on. In fact, it's the normal state of affairs for most people. They have their work, family, friends, girlfriends, hobbies... I think "investing" time into a few "tried and proven" areas common for everybody, plus a few personal hobbies/work, is best. 

That said, driving is indeed nice. It gives you a lot of independence. I wasn't even 18 when I started practicing driving, just to get the license at the time I turned 18. It can give you something to focus on daily for an hour or two, either by direct practice or doing the theoretical tests and preparation 🙂 

On 6/24/2025 at 5:54 PM, WilderDaze said:

So today I got a reprimand at work for a situation that my boss took offense with. It felt painful initially and put a spin on my mind for a couple of hours. But I also noticed that I was quite comfortable with carrying these conflicting feelings, and I didn't want to suppress or numb them immediately. My mind started to wander towards the usual self-soothing stuff, like gaming, junk food etc., but I let it run its course and managed to find some focus eventually. I later called my boss and apologized and we had quite a good talk about it where he explained that his intention was to not make "a big deal" out of it, which felt comforting.

Overall I'm surprised at how well I reacted to this. Usually I like to just hide and forget about my bad feelings, but here I faced them head on and felt quite good about myself in the end. It's been a couple of weeks since I really engaged with a video game so I suppose my brain is now adapting and finding new sources of strength and motivation. Feels awesome honestly!

Sounds good! It's important to manage expectations from both sides. I'm happy you managed to talk it over with your boss in a reasonable way afterwards. 

[WilderDaze]

I watched a great video yesterday with a conversation that really stuck with me. It's in essence about the feeling of happiness, and how we in modern societies have fabricated happiness into a desire that has to be chased and collected. In reality however it might be the other way around; happiness comes when there is no longer any desire, when we get freed from the chase. And this of course translates to activities such as gaming where we are caught up in a fantasy of always chasing the next big sensation, never feeling fully satisfied.

The ultimate question then poses itself: if we teach ourselves to feel happy and content in our most passive state, will we not then gravitate away naturally from these activities that so often comes with a false sense of fulfillment?

Video games to me just seem like one piece of the puzzle. It is a sympton of a larger issue, which seems to derive from the constant chase for happiness. Remove games from the equation, without dealing with the root causes, and another desire will most likely only present itsef. We are so caught up in this strive for constant betterment and perfection, where everything is some kind of promise of a better tomorrow. In the process we seem to lose track of the present and the marvelous sensation of just existing, without constanly moving forward.

 

 

Edited Wednesday at 01:21 PM by WilderDaze

[wheatbiscuit]

On 7/2/2025 at 11:20 PM, WilderDaze said:

I watched a great video yesterday with a conversation that really stuck with me. It's in essence about the feeling of happiness, and how we in modern societies have fabricated happiness into a desire that has to be chased and collected. In reality however it might be the other way around; happiness comes when there is no longer any desire, when we get freed from the chase. And this of course translates to activities such as gaming where we are caught up in a fantasy of always chasing the next big sensation, never feeling fully satisfied.

The ultimate question then poses itself: if we teach ourselves to feel happy and content in our most passive state, will we not then gravitate away naturally from these activities that so often comes with a false sense of fulfillment?

Video games to me just seem like one piece of the puzzle. It is a sympton of a larger issue, which seems to derive from the constant chase for happiness. Remove games from the equation, without dealing with the root causes, and another desire will most likely only present itsef. We are so caught up in this strive for constant betterment and perfection, where everything is some kind of promise of a better tomorrow. In the process we seem to lose track of the present and the marvelous sensation of just existing, without constanly moving forward.

I'm gonna start with the end of the video you posted, almost - where the interviewee/'answer-giver' says that he missed an award to be presented to him, because he didn't know his grades, other than non-failure, and was maybe content with the effort he was putting in. That's where I liked the direction of the interview going after the first hour.

Not that you should feel honoured - especially given what forum we're on - but I've stopped short of an in-game goal to give my honest opinion after finishing the video, before I fizzle out/reach basic contentment again. Here are 7 notes I made: 1) Considering factors of perfectionism and distress tolerance in wellbeing. 2) Considering emotional regulation and the acceptance/choice of discomfort as 'skills'. 3) Consider action for habit development, but inaction for habit-breaking. 4) 'Emotions do not cause unhappiness; things associated with emotion cause unhappiness'. 5) 'Technology has led to more activity/desire; boredom is simply the brain trying to calm down'.

The last two are personal experiences related to the topic of the video: 6) Some of my past contingency planning involved what was once callously called (and quietly agreed upon) 'the biggest absolution of responsibility' - which simply meant confiding in family with serious problems up-front. The video made me wonder why that was, and more to the point, how those team members managed to make it into mental health, or even why they wanted to. I was actually so happy at the time that I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at anyone, those first 12-18 months of medication-taking. I guess that kind of makes it into the interviewee's time-frame for it. Perhaps I wasn't giving the professionals succinct and satisfying enough answers. 7) I should attest to both my father and I's experience of excelling because we were once content with our educations, not because we knew we were on track to the highest grades. Academia or no academia, I have more hope now for that sort of feeling in the future, however it comes.

Thanks for posting, Wilder - I used to watch these kinds of videos with my full attention (I clicked very passively during this one), but was angry with myself, I guess, for desiring the lessons to be learnt quickly/the video to arrive at a point suitable for me immediately. Good luck. ~ Matt

[WilderDaze]

On 7/4/2025 at 3:21 AM, wheatbiscuit said:

I'm gonna start with the end of the video you posted, almost - where the interviewee/'answer-giver' says that he missed an award to be presented to him, because he didn't know his grades, other than non-failure, and was maybe content with the effort he was putting in. That's where I liked the direction of the interview going after the first hour.

Not that you should feel honoured - especially given what forum we're on - but I've stopped short of an in-game goal to give my honest opinion after finishing the video, before I fizzle out/reach basic contentment again. Here are 7 notes I made: 1) Considering factors of perfectionism and distress tolerance in wellbeing. 2) Considering emotional regulation and the acceptance/choice of discomfort as 'skills'. 3) Consider action for habit development, but inaction for habit-breaking. 4) 'Emotions do not cause unhappiness; things associated with emotion cause unhappiness'. 5) 'Technology has led to more activity/desire; boredom is simply the brain trying to calm down'.

The last two are personal experiences related to the topic of the video: 6) Some of my past contingency planning involved what was once callously called (and quietly agreed upon) 'the biggest absolution of responsibility' - which simply meant confiding in family with serious problems up-front. The video made me wonder why that was, and more to the point, how those team members managed to make it into mental health, or even why they wanted to. I was actually so happy at the time that I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at anyone, those first 12-18 months of medication-taking. I guess that kind of makes it into the interviewee's time-frame for it. Perhaps I wasn't giving the professionals succinct and satisfying enough answers. 7) I should attest to both my father and I's experience of excelling because we were once content with our educations, not because we knew we were on track to the highest grades. Academia or no academia, I have more hope now for that sort of feeling in the future, however it comes.

Thanks for posting, Wilder - I used to watch these kinds of videos with my full attention (I clicked very passively during this one), but was angry with myself, I guess, for desiring the lessons to be learnt quickly/the video to arrive at a point suitable for me immediately. Good luck. ~ Matt

Watching a couple of these videos has got me wondering if I have ADHD. It's been circling in my mind for quite some time, but it feels like I can see myself more clearly than ever before. Probably because I've taken a step back from so many less productive activites lately and dared to confront myself with more than just the video game issue. I'm gonna see if I can get an appointment soon and get some professional input. I'm open to anything at this point, as I feel more lost than ever in whoever I'm trying to become. I just can't seem to understand how to set my boundries properly, beyond the obvious stuff. 

On a sidenote, I really like to read your well put answers. You have a way with words that speak a lot about your deep insights and your literacy skills. 

I'm curious btw, are you struggling with one specific game or several? 

[wheatbiscuit]

2 hours ago, WilderDaze said:

Watching a couple of these videos has got me wondering if I have ADHD. It's been circling in my mind for quite some time, but it feels like I can see myself more clearly than ever before. Probably because I've taken a step back from so many less productive activites lately and dared to confront myself with more than just the video game issue. I'm gonna see if I can get an appointment soon and get some professional input. I'm open to anything at this point, as I feel more lost than ever in whoever I'm trying to become. I just can't seem to understand how to set my boundries properly, beyond the obvious stuff. 

On a sidenote, I really like to read your well put answers. You have a way with words that speak a lot about your deep insights and your literacy skills. 

I'm curious btw, are you struggling with one specific game or several? 

One game, since right before I was a teenager. It was at first a fantastic pastime and a way of discovering over and over again what I could and couldn't control (reliably). Possibly any curious-enough person could guess the name of it (it would be like saying 'Voldemort' out loud when out amongst people who've feared a same or similar thing for years, at pain/risk of death - just a little), but I would not recommend at all that anyone start playing it now as a newbie. At times, I've been completely lost in it.

On ADHD, to frequent re-assessment (but not quite regret), I recently ignored an acquaintance who owned up to having a cocktail of conditions, including ADHD. It was a disturbingly consistent lack of preambles and affect (reactivity - even in kind words) that blocked out a lot of the light that would have helped people to see him better, I think. But to his credit, I couldn't conclude that he hadn't spent most of his life trying to be better, fit in and take care of himself and others - to do what he could. For me, it was unhealthy to keep using my brand of encouragement to make him try in an obvious way (it could have got him a girlfriend, you see, which he clearly wanted/needed). 

^-> I guess what I'm getting at is that ADHD might be one thing that is more worth trusting a medical team to help remedy with you, with talk or medication, rather than symptoms of the internet that a lot more people might share. As for having a way with words, well, I've mainly wanted to provide novelty with my points of view so that people get more out of their periods of reflection as they read/listen. It was done for me, in fiction novels (and by nature), so why not give back where it's most comfortable? Again, one thing I've heard from tolerant people is that people with ADHD 'have no filter' - like enforced honesty, forthrightness, and perhaps obsession. I don't know, my symptoms there are usually under control over time. The posts you make tend to have numerous insights as well, and sometimes eerily so! 🙂 While it pays a ton to know yourself, knowing the effects/appearance of your behaviour/choices when not locked into a game, or even work, could be underrated for many.

Until next post, ~ Matt