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Road to 75kg


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I agree with  Pochatok. Look you :

1) Have a job( a good one i hope and a high paing one as you sad( great chievement))

2) You achived your goal of 75kg

3) You still continue to post| progress so i belive you are far more prodoctive than you think) You are doing great just by making goals and achiving them. And its only me, who read some of posts. I belive you are far more capable)

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@Dark and @Pochatok, Thanks for replying, I think this time I will get through 90 days since I did achieve 75kg (73.5 kg now) and one of my old friend who I met after 3 months in the gym today told I was looking better even though I dont see much difference myself. I learnt lot of life lessons from dota 2 and I cant really forget it, I need to focus applying them in real life.

Reach lvl30 10 slotted hard carry. Im going to stop crying about being short, even sniper/juggernaut/bristleback/nagasiren/slark are short heroes but still can solo win 1v9

Edited by sniper
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Day3:

Did not play video games, also havent jerked off for 3 days.

Mind is becoming normal again.

I realize that playing so much video games in toxic communities has skewed my perception of the world, I treat everyone as hostile and now I think I might have pushed away people who tried to help me in past.

Usual routine of gym and work.

Edited by sniper
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Day4:

Did not play video games, did jerk off yesterday and probably will tonight as well

Need to make it to 70kg, hard stuck in 73.5-74.5 kg due to poor diet control.

Managed to get 10k steps

 

Improvements:

* Doing strength training helps me keep atleast double digit T level which is great!

* My day usually revolves around me planning to play and playing dota 2, but since that is not there, day feels more linear

 

Goals:

* Reach 65kg

* Learn to drive car

* Dont care about being perfect

 

Story from sad past:

There was this girl at work who pinged me for some help with a tool, we did a zoom call even though both were in office, for all my shortcoming I still have a convincing voice, she asked in the end of the call if I was in office and I said yes

She came up to my desk and when she saw me she was immediately dissapointed i could tell probably because I look like the guy in my profile photo, my work photo is from 5.5 years old when I was in first year college at 60KG,  she just said some generic stuff and left and I saw she went to a group of taller guys and started laughing. Stupid noob bitch.

 

Rambling:

Whenever I see people taller than me and looking straight ahead, I imagine they are mocking me for being short. My prefontal cortex knows better than this but rest of my brain is convinced I am a loser and should be a servant to taller people. 

Also I find it hard to sleep at night without jerking off, usually until 1am I am watching some cooking video (obviously I am a beta male so I watch cooking videos)

I cut my beard and look like shit yet again

 

Question:

Whenever I try to something like read a book or learn something (do something productive), I imagine taller people looking at me with contempt for trying to be better and laughing at me and just lose interest, how to avoid that?

 

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I realize the answer to my question is to have friends, maybe I should try to make friends. Im just lazy with huge ego that is the answer, oh I remember this video its hilarious (related to linus torvals creator of linux)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccWsHhHYJlMI

realize you say stuff like this to friends but I am just saying it here, hope someone will read these, thanks

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Hi. I am not shure that it will help but i ll try. 

Quote

Whenever I try to something like read a book or learn something (do something productive), I imagine taller people looking at me with contempt for trying to be better and laughing at me and just lose interest, how to avoid that?

I usually say to my self. How can they. I ll prove that they are wrong and do it. Just because its me and i WILL do this. Something like this. Also for me it helps to imagine how i can be better than them and overcome them. 

Now i dont know maybe i should find a friend or two because i realized i have semi-same problem as you

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Day 5:

Did not play video games

Got treated like shit at work, but suprisingly it made me more angry instead of hurt because im too busy working on myself

Managed to get 10k steps

Weight was 73.3kg today

I remembered a lesson I learnt in dota, do not react when you are in a position of weakness, wait for the right time and then comeback

 

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On 2/15/2024 at 11:42 AM, sniper said:

beta male

Quote

for all my shortcoming

I will continue to suggest that you stop self-deprecating. you're not being kind to yourself, and there is a lot of self-shaming. have you considered learning the practice of self-compassion/mindfullness? 

Edited by Pochatok
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@Pochatok thanks for replying. I am only stating the facts, there is nothing wrong in what I wrote. I wont lie to myself. 

 

Day 6:

Did not play video games

Managed to get 10k steps

Reached 73kg

Started watching "Descendants of the Sun" show about army and realized how glutton I am compared to a soldier, will change myself

 

 

Goals:

Make it to 65kg

Learn how to study again

Edited by sniper
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Day 7:

Did not play video games

Managed to get 10k steps

73kg

Over ate today 

I realize "failure is an option quitting isnt" so ill just do what makes me scared and fail, easy to say but I mostly might fail to fail

@Pochatok sorry for making a stupid response above ill try learning those concepts

I dread tomorrow

I realize im an isolated human who fell behind and doesnt understand what he is doing

Lets see how much resistance I face from the hivemind tomorrow

Will checkin in 24hrs if im still alive

 

 

 

 

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I gave up and played video games due to resistance, need to make it to 65kg to have a chance against it.

God made me weak to be a sparring bot for the taller and smarter people, but I refuse it, Ill ruin gods plan.

You might think I am stupid and @Pochatok can call me a self shaming loser; its okay laugh how much ever you want, remember there is an idiot named "sniper" in gamequitters forum and you are not as bad as him whenever you face any struggle

Edited by sniper
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Bro u are losing weight faster r=than i am gaining) My goal right now is 83 kg( 66 now) but some how u are faster than me in losing weight! Good job? this is good way to go. Also i dont belive that Pochatok called u something like it, maybe you misanderstended each other

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On 2/17/2024 at 12:27 PM, sniper said:

facts

Nah, gotta say it's all perception. The qualities within yourself you call "beta" or "shortcomings" can be your brightest elements to others. Healthy Gamer (so many videos to choose from!) and Pop Culture Detective both have wonderful videos on that.

@Dark I appreciate you advocating for me! I did use "self-shame", but not as a status/identity, rather a behavior. From what I notice on this forum about your, Sniper, messages, is a lack of self-compassion. That is not a critique against your identity- you're a uniquely beautiful/imperfect/weird person like everyone else ❤️ I do, however, want to treat yourself w/ more kindness, because I want you to be happy. 

 

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I guess maybe ( just maybe,)sniper is from country thet I live in, and that's is why we are a little bit a like. I had a friend, who spoke exactly like sniper and played dota. He was 165 fat at first. But we both started going to gym, and he became so good looking.. I am jealous in a good way. He managed to change city, work, and even find GF first. We didn't talk often, but sometimes I ask how its going ( once a year to be exact;))

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@Dark was he also short by any chance?

Ive gone back to old ways eating lot, gaming and not working out 73.5 kg, I havent jerked off for a few days not because I am avoiding but because I dont feel like (gg). If I go back to 80kg from here I may never try again. 

And social anxiety is through the roof.

I remember this scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4F8kj0TYHs. Maybe if I was brought up like a spartan I woudnt be this hopeless.

 

 

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8 hours ago, sniper said:

@Dark was he also short by any chance?

Ive gone back to old ways eating lot, gaming and not working out 73.5 kg, I havent jerked off for a few days not because I am avoiding but because I dont feel like (gg). If I go back to 80kg from here I may never try again. 

And social anxiety is through the roof.

I remember this scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4F8kj0TYHs. Maybe if I was brought up like a spartan I woudnt be this hopeless.

 

 

300 Spartans is the pinnacle of macho-infused toxic masculinity. Imo, if you were indeed raised like that, you'd be emotionally empty and unable to truly care for yourself and others, so I'm glad that you are who you are, Sniper. You do care a lot for others, and want yourself to live happily- it shows a lot through your messages.

I know plenty who did follow the spartan steps pretty closely- now dead or disabled from fighting in Ukraine, because to "die like a hero" became their life's meaning (like for those Spartans). So lucky to have my parents moved me away from Russia when I was younger. 

I think what you may be aspiring towards in that scene, however, is stoicism- what are your thoughts on that?

Edited by Pochatok
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Ive had my dose of gaming today, played all day from morning. Ill attempt to fight resistance tomorrow once again. The human animal is supposed to be a pinnacle of survival after all, even If I fail I hope my unconsicous physical body will back me up.

@Pochatok Thanks for replying, I want to be a macho-infused toxic man though, might not be possible this life but atleast I want to make god think I deserve to be next life

@Dark That's great

I think spartan way of life is what I truly want https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUzhJvlELU4

 

Edited by sniper
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  • 4 weeks later...

I tried fighting resistance, ended up with even worse experiences which will haunt me forever. Ill just play video games and see how far I can go and read others journals here and imagine It is me. Im at 75kg back again and will go back to 80kg, ruining all the progress. Ill retry again next winter

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