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Daniel G's Journal


DanielG

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I was quite tired yesterday and went to bed early without making a journal entry, so here is yesterday's today.

It was a lazy day for sure. It was smoky and raining all day. I mostly just browsed Discord. I tried making some crackers but ran out of flour. I tried to compensate with some pancake mix to get the consistency right, but that just made them fluffy crackers in the end. I wrote down baking soda on the list, but I'm fairly certain after tasting them it likely called for baking powder originally. Still, they didn't taste too bad, especially with jam and goat cheese on them. I had a big nap after that, woke up 3 hours later feeling kind of groggy. We had a chicken Caesar salad for dinner, afterwards I went for a short walk. After the walk I just went downstairs to go to bed. Lots of sleep.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

Understood what I could have done differently for the crackers

Gratitude:

I am grateful for The Longest Johns. They make music that seems to resonate with me.

I am grateful for self-compassion. It's made living with myself much nicer.

I am grateful for acceptance. Fighting against things seems much more difficult.

2 Hours of Productivity:

Not this day.

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Yesterday's journal today on the new keyboard! I bought some generic Microsoft brand one.

Coffee, daily readings, and chill was the start of the morning, per usual. I read a bit, but mostly chatted on Discord. Late morning I had an appointment with the lawyer my dad hired for me to help with my record suspension/pardon application. His place is roughly a 20 minute walk from mine, so that's how I made my way there. I brought the final document that he needed to complete the process. It was long answers for two different questions about how a record suspension/pardon would affect my life, and a descriptive narrative of the events leading up to the crime I committed. The lawyer said he usually needs to edit these for people, but in my case he thought he might just leave it as is. While writing the story of how my DUI came about, I wasn't really feeling shameful or anything. I feel like it's something that I've come to terms with as well. That feels appropriate; it's been nearly a decade since it happened. Long story short, I blacked out at a Christmas staff party, got a ride home, I took my car for a spin because drunk logic, icy roads + pedal to the metal = bad, totaled my car, and I called the cops on myself because drunk logic. Just, bad ideas all around. And, it only stopped me drinking for about 6 months. Alcoholic insanity.

After the appointment I went home and chilled for a bit before my next appointment in the early afternoon with my Healthy Gamer Coaching group. The group itself went quite well, I feel. The sessions are coming to a close on the 29th, so we started the process of debriefing/reflecting on what we've learned and how group has helped us. Everyone shared things that they appreciated about group, and also each other. It was a heartwarming experience for sure. On a bit of a sadder note, one of the members did not show up and let his sessions lapse, this was his final session technically. So, we didn't really get to have that closure with him, which makes me sad. I could relate to him a lot, and I feel like he was a valuable member of our group. I'm not sure if he didn't show up because of work-related reasons; his union went on strike so he had already missed the past few sessions to join the picket line. Wherever he ends up, I hope he does well.

Feeling uplifted, I decided to head out on a walk to the Butchery to make the steak order for next week. On the way there, I saw my elderly neighbour from down the street walking her dog and approached to say hi. She has a kind soul, and loves to talk with all the people in the neighbourhood. We spoke for a long time about experiences in her life. A new neighbour and her mother, who was visiting from Lethbridge, also chatted with us for a while. When it was just me and the elderly neighbour, she asked how I was doing. She generally knows about my struggles with mental health. She started sharing her own experiences with depression, and I ended up getting a few phone calls in a row. I figured it was something urgent, so I excused myself and took the call. It was my friend offering a ride to my cousin and our other friend's place. I let him know I'd take up his offer. I made my way to the butcher shop, placed the order, and then rushed home to make it in time for the pickup. I did feel guilty about cutting my conversation with the elderly neighbour short.

I ended up spending essentially the rest of the day at my cousin's house. While the kids were still up and about, we socialized a decent amount. I didn't really 'feel' any appropriate times to interject/contribute to the conversation. Like, there weren't any 'beats' to come in on. I blame improv for making me think in these terms πŸ™ƒ. It was still a fun time, though. I more or less enjoyed listening to the the conversations, hanging out with the kids, petting the dogs. We had YEG Burger for dinner, which was delicious as always. I ordered 2 Go2 burgers, no fries, no drink. It's my old order for burger places. I feel like having more veggies/protein is probably better than fries. You probably shouldn't eat it every day, but it's tasty. Once the kids went to bed, we watched some anime. Part way through I felt like going for a walk, so I did. It was a nice walk, peaceful. The neighbourhood they live in is fairly new, and quite lovely.

I got a ride back from the friend who offered the initial ride. We had a good chat on the way back.

As a bit of an addendum, I can't remember what day it was, but I wrote a dating profile and had ChatGPT review it. I saved it on Match.com and set my profile to invisible. I think I did it because last week's coaching session we spent the majority of the time talking about dating and romantic relationships. I also realize I'm not really making the 2 hours of productivity a day a priority, so I'm going to refocus on that today.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I felt like I was present for conversations as they happened.

Gratitude:

I am grateful for adjectives. They add spice to things!

I am grateful for my friends. It is nice to have people to spend time with.

I am grateful for generosity. It's good to share what we have with each other 😊.

2 Hours of Productivity:

Not this day.

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I'm writing yesterday's journal today, as I was quite tired and went straight to bed after dinner.

I had a pretty good day. I'm not really in a writing mood so I'll keep it brief (maybe lol). I had my regular morning coffee and some reading. Afterwards, I went on a walk to an electronics/office supply store to pick up a new keyboard, which is working out nicely. I think it's the best quality for your money kind of thing, we'll see how it holds up.

When I got back I decided that I'd like to go on a bike ride to the river valley, so I packed up some gear and then headed out. It was a good ride, just following along the banks again. This time I went a little further up a path near a bridge and saw that it lead to the Muttart Conservatory, a large indoor garden that is quite beautiful. One of these days I'll bring my bike lock and venture inside.

I found a spot further down the river valley to set up and read/chill, one of those viewing platforms I mentioned in an earlier entry. It was peaceful there. A few birds came to perch in the tree next to me to sing which was cool 😊. After a while I decided it was time to move on, so I packed up my stuff and headed back home.

Back home, my mom had returned from pickle ball. She had also stopped by my brother's place and brought my other brother's dog with her, who was staying there. I named her Joy when we got her, originally she was intended to be my dog but I did not want the responsibility while I was depressed. I reviewed my resume and worked on some job applications before sending them off (productivity!). I did get interrupted a couple times by my mom to help her with some yard work, but I put in the hours this day. I also decided to message some people on Match for fun, see what happens. One of the women responded to my message, we both value spirituality so we'll see how it goes.

We made portobello mushroom burgers with french fries and a nice salad for dinner. I was in charge of the french fries, which I cooked in the deep fryer. They still didn't crisp up quite to where I'd have liked, but they were still tasty. The burgers and salad were also delicious. My mom was also making banana bread and lemon loafs! So I had a piece of banana bread for dessert right after eating. I went to bed right away after that.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I picked a peaceful spot in the river valley.

Gratitude:

I am grateful for honesty. Seeing things as they truly are is important to me. Being forthright, acting in accordance with spiritual principles, I feel brings me closer to God.

I am grateful for the improv workshop. I've already seen where some of the things I've learned help me make sense of the world around me.

I am grateful for forgiveness. I think it's a powerful thing, to be able to forgive people. Reconciling and letting what happened not hold power over your well-being.

2 Hours of Productivity:

Yes, this day.

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Today was relaxed. Chill vibes. I spent a lot of time just hanging out.

Even before coffee, I went for a morning walk with the family. My right ankle was feeling a little off, so I decided to cut it short and cancel my plans to hang out with my friend Michael. When I got home, I had my coffee and chilled out, putzing around on the computer, reading. After I finished my coffee I ate some chili and rice for an early-ish lunch. I timed my shower so that I could make it to my dental appointment at 1.

The appointment went well. The dentist was nice about me messing up my filling, and said I did the right thing by calling the office. Again, I'm not allowed to eat for the rest of the day so it can set properly. I kind of wished I had eaten more, lol.

When I got back, I spent some time working on job application stuff. One of the applications I had already sent out asked for an assessment, which I already had a completed one on file for Indeed, so I just put the previous one in. Other than that, it was mostly clearing out email and declining job posting suggestions that were too far to transit/bus.

After that, I walked to the tea shop to pick up some loose leaf tea. It was nice. While I was out, I also took the opportunity to buy some stones from the book store for my dad for Father's Day/his sobriety anniversary. The lady who helped me at the store was the pretty girl. She was helpful and kind, as always. I complimented her on her hair, and she seemed pleased by that. She said she hadn't done anything to it, which surprised me because it looked really good today. I'm probably biased though πŸ™ƒ. Now I have some stones ready for when my dad gets back from Montreal, and I got to talk to the pretty girl again. Win win 😊.

We also sold my Switch today, so I have some money in pocket. My mom was the MVP, she did most of the communicating. I also gave a bunch of my old computer parts, which are fairly recent, to my brother. And I have my current graphics card lined up to sell to a friend. The rest of the tower I think I'll sell together, we'll see. Or I might see if my friend is interested in the whole thing for a good deal. As is, it's just a really expensive thing I use for browsing the internet and productivity. I can do that on my laptop easy enough, maybe just not as smooth of an experience.

I went on another walk this evening to try to deposit the money, but the bank was closed and there was no accessible ATM. So I just had a decaf Americano from Second Cup and sat for a while before walking back. Now I'm here.

Also also! I forgot to mention that I activated my dating profile on Match on a lark, and I got 2 matches! Pretty nifty. I chatted a bit with one of them; the site is asking for money to be able to talk to the other one, which I'm not going to do. Honestly wasn't expecting people to actually match with me.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

We sold the Switch!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my dentist. She's really nice and has been quite helpful.

I am grateful for tea. It's a soothing beverage.

I am grateful for goat cheese. It's delicious!

2 Hours of Productivity:

Yes, this day.

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I was exhausted when I got home yesterday, so I just went straight to bed. Day-after journal!

I didn't sleep well yesterday, only for like 5 hours or so. I decided to just get up in the early morning. I felt sort of rested and figured coffee would compensate for the rest. There were 2 things on the docket for my well-being: a meeting with Cam late in the evening and my AA homegroup at half past noon. Since I got up early, a third opportunity opened up. I used to attend a men's group meeting that starts fairly early in the morning. Since I got up early for no real reason, I decided that I would attend that as well.

I had my morning coffee and read some of the Bhagavad Gita before hopping on the computer to chat on Discord. After a little while, I went for a walk around the block. When I returned, it was time for the men's group so I hopped onto the Zoom meeting. It was really great to see the familiar faces I sobered up with, a lot of people were happy to see me 😊. The group comprises of a bunch of men from AA in the part of BC I sobered up in. It was Father's Day so a bunch of the men were at home spending time with their families. As such, the group was a little less heavy on the 'work' aspect and more casual hanging out, and chatting about an upcoming weekend retreat. It was still really good to see everybody. I did not get to see my old sponsor unfortunately, though I think I'll give him a call sometime this week to catch up.

I did some quick follow-ups on job applications via the Indeed emails that prompted me for them and then chatted on Discord some more. There was a guy on the Healthy Gamer Discord who had a multiplayer piano session going so I popped into that for a bit. It was nifty, he was actually pretty good at playing. He played a couple Zelda songs, and a smattering of other recognizable tunes from different things. I said goodbye and headed out to my homegroup a bit early after a while.

I stopped in at the fancy bakery next to the club where the meeting was taking place for a coffee/to get some smaller bills for 7th Tradition (where AA members donate money). It was really busy, as usual for weekends there. I chatted to the barista inquiring about the whereabouts of one of their other baristas I usually see there, and she said he had moved on to another job. Unfortunate, he was a cool guy and made wicked coffee. She didn't know exactly where he had moved on to. I hope he does well wherever he ended up.

I took the coffee into the Alano Club and hung out with some other people who were also early for the meeting. They recently renovated the club so it's really nice in there. There was a brief period where I might've been voluntold to chair the meeting if the chairperson didn't show up, but she did so I was off the hook. The meeting itself was really good. Lots of relatable, uplifting shares. Messages of experience, strength, and hope. One lady's share in particular really resonated with me. She was from out of town. She and the chairperson had actually met in Mexico during an AA conference a couple years back which was a cool little coincidence. I was asked to share after her, I typically get a bit nervous following people who have such a strong message. I feel like I accurately conveyed what I was feeling at the time. Someone came up to me after the meeting and thanked me personally for my share afterwards, which felt made me feel appreciated and seen.

After the meeting I just headed home, I didn't socialize that much. It was raining heavily by this point, so my hoodie I'd worn got soaked. I checked my WhatsApp messages and saw that there was a hangout brewing. I figured I could take my meeting with Cam via Discord on my phone if I charged it up enough (for some reason it drains my battery a lot), so I quickly plugged it in and responded that I'd be up for hanging out. The plan was to do my productivity stuff after I got home, which didn't end up happening. I underestimated how tired I'd be. The timing worked out that one of our friends could pick me up while they were close to downtown, so I got a ride to and from our other friend's place from them.

The hangout was fun! We had high quality, delicious pizza and some delectable desserts, including some butter pecan tarts from a farmer's market and a lemon loaf my mom made. Funnily enough, it ended up with us hanging out for a while at my cousin's place without either her or her husband there, just the kids. Both of the toddlers were wild while we were there. One of our friends noted, under his breath so I think I wouldn't hear, that they always act up when I'm around. I trust his judgement, as he helps take care of the kids frequently. I think he didn't want me to hear so I wouldn't feel bad? I don't know. If I were to guess, it's likely because I don't really care all that much if they crawl over me, grab my hand to take me places, that kind of thing. I don't really set any boundaries with them, try to parent or tell them what to do, so I think they interpret that as 'CHAOS REIGNS!'. I also suspect that I give off similar vibes as their mom, since we're related.

My cousin came back from work right after the kids were put to bed, perfect timing haha! We started watching the new Demon Slayer episode about 15 minutes before I had to take my call with Cam, so I left partway through the episode. I headed into the basement so as not to be disruptive/have anime blaring in the background. I felt it was a good session. We talked again about incremental change, increasing by 20%, in a few aspects of my life. Reducing portion sizes of food, increasing physical exercise (while I was writing this out, my mom paid for a new gym membership for me!), and going to coffee shops instead of working from home are on the docket for this week. We also reflected on some of my journey so far, and how improv has been a positive experience that has been helping in various aspects of my life. We talked about some other stuff too, but I kind of forget right now πŸ˜…. After the call, I went back upstairs and we watched the first episode of the final season of Attack on Titan. Crazy stuff! We called it a night after that, I caught a ride home from the same friends who brought me there.

When I got home I just went straight to bed, as I was exhausted. Good day!

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I cracked the 20lbs. mark for weight loss and fit in a jacket that hasn't fit me in a long time!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for the rain. Even when it's barreling down like mad, I enjoy the sound, sight, smell, and feel of it. I think that's part of why I liked living in the Lower Mainland so much.

I am grateful for the peacefulness in my household. My mom, her boyfriend and I get along really well.

I am grateful for the lady's share at the meeting. It was uplifting and inspiring.

2 Hours of Productivity:

No

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Listening to synthwave radio instead of lofi tonight as the background music for writing this out 😊.

Today was a good day. I feel like it was a good mix of productive and fun. I started it off as usual with my morning coffee, which I've been slowly cutting back. I wrote my previous day's journal entry as my 'while drinking coffee' activity. I ended up writing a lot more than I thought I would, which is neat. While I was writing it out, my mom came in to check up on me, so I took the opportunity to ask her for a gym membership. She was more than willing to help me with that, so we signed up online. I chatted a bit with the lady from Match and then decided to walk to the gym.

It felt a bit awkward at first going to the gym. I was far less self-conscious than I thought I would be, which is nice. I did wear pretty baggy clothes, though. I did an hour long upper-body workout, focused a bit more on back and shoulders, and then did 15 minutes of cardio. Low weight, more reps kind of thing to ease back into it/work on form. It was a good workout.

I figured I'd earned a bit of a break so I caught the bus back to my house instead of walking. When I got home, I decided that I would continue being productive and head to a coffee shop, like Cam and I discussed. I tested out my laptop and it seemed like it wasn't charging, which was worrisome. After I booted it up with the cord plugged in, it worked, thankfully. While I waited for it to charge up I worked on some job applications. I also popped onto Discord with my ex for a bit while I was writing an email to Habitat for Humanity. We're still on good terms. She's doing alright, had something she was dealing with she didn't want to talk about with me. Which is a valid boundary that I completely understand. It was good to chat with her a bit regardless. After I sent off the email, I signed off, geared up for the coffee shop, and headed out.

I went to Iconoclast (because of course I did) and ordered an Americano. Delicious as always! I sat down, pulled out my laptop, and worked on an assignment that my Healthy Gamer coaching put forward. It's more or less a life story assignment. Writing out a long form version of how you ended up where you are, your 'backstory', as well as assigning some attribute scores to mental health versions of the classic five stats (Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Wisdom, Charisma). I stayed there until just before closing time and then walked back home to be in time for a ride to the improv workshop.

Improv was really fun! We worked on more structured story telling today. I was a little bit in my own head at first, but after we practiced for a while I got the hang of it. I feel like as a class that was our arc. The instructor said that today was putting everything we had learned thus far all together, so it makes sense we'd struggle a little bit at first. Everyone was super positive and encouraging, as always, and put their all into the class. Next class we're going to go over some of the things we might try for the showcase. I don't think I've actually explained that before: at the end of the workshop, we're going to put on a showcase to show what we've learned. It'll probably be fun! Or terrifying. Or both lol. After the workshop I got a ride back home, and now I'm here.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

Improv workshop was fun!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my improv group. They're all positive and encouraging people.

I am grateful for slice of life stories. They're really comfy and make me feel good.

I am grateful for the continued financial support of my mom. It allows me opportunities that I would otherwise be unable to have.

2 Hours of Productivity:

Yep!

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I got up early today. I had my usual morning ritual of a prayer, preparing/brewing coffee, reading the morning meditations, and brushing my teeth. I spent some time reading and checking on Discord/emails and decided that I would attend the morning AA meeting at the Alano Club. It was raining, so I went upstairs to look for a jacket and found an old one my younger brother left behind. It's a little big, but it still works, so I used that throughout the day. Out the door to the meeting I went.

It was a good to go to a meeting. It was a literature-focused meeting today, we read out of the 12 and 12, a book that further expands on the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We read a passage from Step 12. What stood out to me was the description of the transition from dependence on people, places, and things to reliance on God for emotional stability and strength. It really resonated with what I've been working on and reading about lately, so that's what I ended up sharing about. I also ran into someone who went to the same recovery house I did, almost at the same time that I did! It's cool how coincidences work sometimes. He was recently coming back (had relapsed and returned to AA), and was struggling with some anger today. He said that he felt better, and was calming down, during his share. Meetings definitely help with that. I chatted with one of my neighbours who was also at the meeting after it ended, he's a friendly, nice guy. My mom doesn't like him because he has a tree that spreads a lot of seeds everywhere.

I walked back home in the rain, and really enjoyed the experience of it. The smell, the sounds, the sight, and the feeling of the rain on my skin when I put my hood down for a bit. I wanted to go to the gym today, so I geared up for that and headed out again after putzing around for a bit. At the gym, I put in ~50 minutes of cardio. 30 minutes on the bike and 20 on the eliptical. It was all I had time for. Still, it felt good to get some more vigorous exercise in. I walked back in the rain, again trying to be mindful of the experience.

When I got home, I chatted on Discord for a bit about fitness stuff and downloaded the app Cam recommended. My mom and I's appointment with the addictions counselor came up pretty quick, so we headed out to the office. Harsharan, the counselor, was running a bit behind, so we waited for a while. I ended up talking with the receptionist a little bit about the plants they had in the lobby. They grow rapidly in the environment; she explained that it gets really hot in the building during the summer. After about 15 minutes or so our appointment started. It was a productive appointment I feel. I ended up talking a decent amount about my experiences growing up, which coincides with the backstory assignment I'm working on for my Healthy Gamer coaching. Funny how things work out like that. I suggested going out for brunch after the appointment, so we went back home, picked up my mom's boyfriend, and headed out to OEB for brunch.

Brunch was delicious! My mom and her boyfriend hadn't been to OEB before. They really enjoyed their food. I opted for the Gold Digga (again), my mom had the classic Eggs Benedict with rosemary ham, and her boyfriend ordered a veggie primavera omelette. We all really enjoyed our food. My mom said she's going to order a breakfast poutine like the one I got next time. I wanted to get some productivity time in, so I asked for a ride to Iconoclast, the coffee shop, and they obliged.

The coffee shop was packed! Tons of people, there were only 2 tables free. I ordered an Americano and tried to work on the backstory assignment, but the people next to me were really loud. Everything seemed really loud, and I couldn't concentrate. I regretted not bringing my headphones or earbuds, definitely have to remember to do that next time. I did get a bit of reading done, though. I also talked a bit with one of the cooks about the collection of cookbooks they had. He showed me one of particular interest, the Flavor Bible. It's less a recipe book and more a reference for good flavour pairings. While I was there, my friends were texting about getting together. I wasn't doing anything tonight, so I opted to join in. My cousin offered to give me a ride, so I took her up on the offer. I walked home to rendezvous with her and away we went.

The hangout was fun. We spent a decent chunk of time talking about the upcoming bachelor/bachelorette party, discussing logistics and what not. My cousin had made chicken, rice, and potatoes that tasted pretty delicious. She used a lemon juice/olive oil/oregano sauce to cook the potatoes and chicken in, similar to Greek-style potatoes. She had also baked some banana muffins that were also delicious. The kids were pretty well-behaved, and after they went to bed we watched some video game related YouTube videos for the new Bethesda game, Starfield. The graphics are pretty good, and Todd Howard remains a chill dude. We watched about half of Spirited Away as well before people got sleepy. We called it a night, and our other friend gave me a ride home.

So now I'm here writing out a journal.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

Workout was good. I sweated a lot!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for the night sky. It can be really beautiful when you get out of the light polution and have a clear sky.

I am grateful for Studio Ghibli films. They always seem to resonate with me in some way.

I am grateful for people's willingness to share their knowledge. I find I learn well when someone takes the time to teach me.

2 Hours of Productivity:

Not today.

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Today was good. There were things and I did stuff. The end.

πŸ˜„

Synthwave kind of day today. I'm feeling tired at the moment. I did a lot of physical activity today. I got a callback from 2 different jobs I'd applied for, so I have two interviews lined up for tomorrow. I also want to do a bunch of the shopping for vegetables tomorrow at the Thursday farmer's market and I have my Healthy Gamer coaching. I also heard back from a personal trainer. I'll be meeting her on Monday for an initial consultation.

I tested out a tofu recipe that turned out good, so I think that'll be the second main/protein we I do for the party meal. And I'm locking in some simple potatoes. I'll parboil them and then roast them in the oven day of, I'm thinking. Throw in some kind of dairy, probably butter. Fresh dill, garlic. Salt and pepper. Easy peasy. So, 6 dishes for the meal total. 1 salad, 3 sides, 2 mains. I'm going to math some stuff out tomorrow, maybe a bit tonight after the journal if I'm feeling spicy.

I also went to the doctor today to check out a skin tag on my back. Turns out, it really is just a really large skin tag. He did a preliminary treatment to kill some of the cells, and said if it didn't fall off, to get it done again and that second treatment would finish it off.

Hit the gym, coffee shop, bought some of the ginger sencha tea (so good!), went on a couple walks, and checked out a grocery store that specializes in produce. Also did the preliminary interview for Cactus Club, which led to getting the callback for an interview with a hiring manager tomorrow.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

Applications are yielding some results!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my doctor. He's a chill dude.

I am grateful for ginger sencha tea. Delicious!

I am grateful for being able to accept where I'm at and go with it. Definitely feeling the tiredness right now, and honouring that. Vibing with the music and not worrying too much about writing a cohesive narrative kind of entry today. I'm still gonna add photos of food and my fitness tracker though lol

2 Hours of Productivity:

I'd say about an hour today, so partial completion.

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Today was a pretty full day. Still good, though!

I got up and made coffee, per usual. This morning's readings for both AA and NA were about acceptance, which was neat. It was a good way to set the tone for the day. After caffeinating for a while, I left the house and walked to the gym. I was still a bit sore from Monday's strength training, so I decided to just play it safe and do another cardio day. I did a little over half an hour on the bike, worked up a decent sweat, and then headed back home.

When I got home, I showered and got dressed for my first interview. My mom graciously offered to be my chauffeur for the day, which was much appreciated and came in handy. We headed out to the first restaurant I was interviewing at, which was about a 25 minute drive. Bus it takes about an hour and 15 minutes. So, of the two, this one would be the less desirable option. The interview itself went well, I got good vibes from the lady who conducted it. I let her know I'd be able to start in July. I also let her know about my other interview in the afternoon, which I think she appreciated. She asked me to keep her in the loop, which I will do. She said I'm in the running, and that she wanted to interview the rest of the candidates before making a decision. Which is fair. My mom had hung out in a coffee shop nearby and had a lovely time with some random ladies she met while visiting. After my interview, we headed back home.

I had a quick lunch of a salad and a sandwich, and then got ready for my Healthy Gamer coaching session, which started pretty soon after we got home. One of the members couldn't make it today, and there were only 3 of us and the coach. As usual, we had a really good conversation that covered a lot of stuff that I could relate to. We all shared about how busy we've been. For me, it feels like a good kind of busy, one that has meaningful connection and positive movement. We also discussed the nature of addiction, and I shared some of my experience with it. And, last but definitely not least, we talked about spirituality! It was cool to hear other people's perspectives and experiences with it. I also shared my own views and journey as well. A good session. Next week is our last session, so I want to finish off the assignment before then.

After coaching I went on a quick walk to sort of let the session sink in. Soon after that, I had my second interview at the restaurant closer to where I live. I, again, got a ride from my mom. This interview also went well! I got good vibes from this interviewer as well. I particularly liked that he seemed people-focused. We scheduled a second interview for Monday, so this is also a promising thing! We'll see how it goes. I'm leaning towards this one if I were to choose. As it stands, neither are really firmed up. My mom picked me up and we headed back in the direction of home, and the farmer's market.

I got dropped off near the farmer's market with a couple of grocery bags. I filled them both up with lots of delicious vegetables and a little bit of fruit, as well as some madeleines for fun. If you do not know, madeleines are a delicious, small sponge cake with a distinctive shell shape. I walked back home with the produce in tow. We have an extra fridge in the garage, which I used to store all the produce. After that, I putzed around on the computer and kind of chilled for a while. I got hungry, so I took the initiative to help make supper, we had chicken chow mein, rice, and some ribs. After dinner, we went shopping for more groceries at Safeway. When we got back, I took Fidel for a walk and ran into our friendly down-the-street neighbour. She's a kind old lady with a lot of spunk and heart. She and I walked around the block together, and I visited with her in her house for a while. She gave Fidel a lot of treats πŸ˜‚. After that I came back home and started writing this journal entry. An old co-worker/friend of mine was messaging me, so it's taken a while to write this out! It's good though, I'm glad to hear from him.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

The interviews went well!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my sobriety. I am glad for how much it improves my life.

I am grateful for the self-compassion I can practice today. It helps quell the negative self-talk that crops up.

I am grateful for this new keyboard. It types real good.

2 Hours of Productivity:

If you count shopping for groceries and job interviews, definitely!

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I've been away for the past couple of days. The combined stag/stagette was a resounding success; my weekend revolved around that.

Friday changed from what I expected. I thought I would have time to do some preliminary prep of the meal at my place, sleep there, and then get a ride to my cousin's place to head out to the party location. Instead, we spent most of the afternoon and evening scouting out and visiting at the party location. It was neat! My cousin's uncle-in-law is super handy and built a beautiful space. The property had some trails cut out, a cabin, and a well-equipped tavern for people to hang out. The decor was funky! They had a shelf lined with beer bottles they'd collected from around the globe. They had drunk each beer at the location they were from. German beers in Germany, Mexican beers in Mexico, etc. Pretty nifty! The uncle gave us a grand tour and explained all the various workings of the property. It was really cool; he built the entire place himself! I spent the night at my cousin's house to make it easier for the following morning. I got a chance to do some of the prep for the meal, but it was already late when we got back. We had some donairs for a late dinner.

I did some more prep before we packed everything up in the morning. Inevitably we left a couple things behind, but things turned out fine anyway. We convoyed for the drive out with a few vehicles. We stopped to pick up some donuts at a local bakery in one of the towns along the route for the party. The rest of the ride was mostly uneventful.

There was a lot of prep to do, so I got right to it. The menu I decided on consisted of 1 salad, 3 sides, and 2 mains. The salad was a kale salad with a vinaigrette dressing, goat cheese, roasted pecans, and radishes. The sides for the meal consisted of oven-roasted garlic potatoes with fresh dill, beets and carrots with fresh sage, and bacon-wrapped asparagus. Our mains were a marinated tofu vegetable stir fry (since there were a few vegetarians) and 8oz steaks done up with a salt and pepper dry rub. I used an uncommon cut of the animal called a Denver. It has good marbling and takes well to a barbecue, which was how we cooked them. We pivoted last minute and bought a couple bone-in dry-aged striploin steaks for the bride and groom.

There was a decent amount of knifework for the meal, and only one cutting board, so I did all of that. I felt a bit out of practice for the larger scale cooking at the start, but as I continued to work, it felt like I got into a groove and flowed better. I got some help with the actual cooking since I couldn't be three places at once. It was pretty funny, actually. Some friends came to help, did a bong rip (marijuana is legal here in Canada), and got too high to help me anymore πŸ˜‚. Luckily, two people at the party with culinary experience who did not get that high came in clutch and help me finish the meal.

Everyone was pretty intoxicated and high, so no matter how the meal turned out, they would've liked it πŸ˜‚. Some of the potatoes I had were a little under. The carrots were overcooked since I threw them in with the beets in a pot to save time. The last oopsy was that the stir fry was much more cooked than I would have liked. Flavour-wise, everything turned out how I envisioned it, though. Everyone had kind words about the quality of the food, and I got a round of raucous applause when I came out to socialize for a bit. Lots of people thanked me for cooking as well. I am glad for the words of appreciation, but they didn't really "land." I felt indifferent and a bit uncomfortable when they were saying that.

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After dinner, I spent some time socializing with people. We had a big fire going; people were having a good time. I had a few one-on-ones with people that I really enjoyed. We also had planned a midnight snack that one of our friends' parents had made for us: some delicious marinated meat and hummus! I was put in charge of getting that ready. Thankfully there was far less work involved πŸ˜‚. Our friend's mom made the hummus. All other hummus is a pale imitation of it; it typically ruins the dip for people because nothing else really compares to it. Most people went to bed after the snack. Since we rarely get the chance, my brother and I stargazed near the fire since we were far enough from civilization to see some stars otherwise obscured by light pollution. It was beautiful 😊.

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The next day, we cleaned up the property, packed all our stuff, and headed to brunch at a restaurant in St. Albert called Socrates. It was a delicious brunch! I ordered the Southwestern Bowl. I'm a sucker for anything Texmex. I put 9 Frank's Red Hot sauce packets on it πŸ˜‚. After brunch, we all headed to drop off the soon-to-be bride and groom and said our goodbyes. My brother gave me a ride home.

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I took a long-awaited shower and then walked to a local coffee shop to grab an Americano. When I arrived, I ran into someone I went to treatment with over 7 years ago! He's a tattoo artist with the ink to match. He didn't recognize me at first (I'm much heavier than when we last saw each other, plus it's been a long time). He said he's doing well, not fully clean since he smokes weed, but still doing alright. He moved from BC to Edmonton and works out of a shop in the same complex as the coffee shop within walking distance of my place! It was good to see him, a small-world kind of thing for sure. I left the coffee shop and came home. I started on some chores; I needed to do my laundry, water the plants, and mow the lawn. Partway through the tasks, my mom's cousin's husband arrived. He's staying with us while he marks some diplomas here in Edmonton.

I completed the chores just in time for my call with Cam. I had actually forgotten that it was today πŸ˜…. It went well; he was encouraging like always. We talked some stuff out. Steady progress seems to be the theme for me, which is good. Change that is sustainable and consistent. I'm meeting with a PT for an initial consultation tomorrow, which I'm excited about. I'm also looking forward to the final improv workshop session. My mom and her boyfriend are both out of town, so I'll have to find my way to the theatre without my chauffeur. I also have to water the plants so they do not perish.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I ran into an old acquaintance!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my ability to cook. It allows me to express my gratitude for the people in my life in a tangible way.

I am grateful for my awareness around how I'm feeling. It grows with practice and I'm glad for opportunities that come up to experience my emotions.

I am grateful for my calls with Cam. It helps me stay accountable, consider various aspects of my life, and helps me to find new ways to grow.

2 Hours of Productivity:

Yes!

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I had a good day today. It ended up surprisingly busy; I thought I didn't have much on the docket for the day.

Returning to my regular morning routine after the past few days of hecticness was refreshing. I prayed, started my coffee, read my morning readings, brushed my teeth, and drank the coffee while chilling on the computer. The first thing I had planned for the day was a meeting with a personal trainer at two in the afternoon. There was plenty of time to fill.

I started by watering the plants. This time I did not overfill the inside plants and spill everywhere! Afterwards, I decided to go for a long walk to grab a coffee from the coffee shop. I decided to enjoy my coffee without doing anything 'productive.' Iconoclast continues to make delicious Americanos.

After returning home from the coffee shop, I worked on cleaning the basement. I went through my desk to clean up the junk that had accumulated. There were many random greeting cards I had saved that I threw out. I kept many of the ones I felt had more sentimental value or significance, like the memorial card from my grandmother's funeral. I also organized the mess of random cords I had collected. The floor was dirty again, so I vacuumed as well. And my sheets were due for a wash; I threw them into the laundry machine.

I still had the appointment at 2; I ran out of time partway through sorting the sentimental things. I changed into some gym clothes and walked to the workout facility. The receptionist is good friends with the trainer I met with and told me she was an excellent trainer and that I was in good hands. She spoke true! My experience with Xanthinna, the personal trainer, was pleasant. She had a good energy about her, encouraging and upbeat. We did some preliminary mobility tests and talked about what it would be like working with her. There's a companion app she uses with her clients that I would be able to use to track my workouts. Her availability would theoretically work well with the Cactus Club Cafe job if I land that tomorrow. So, it's all lined up nicely, pending the interview. I did a bit of cardio before I headed back home.

I finished up the sorting when I got back home. Afterwards, I spent some time making some food for myself. I had an over-easy egg on rice and a spinach salad with goat cheese, dried cranberries, and strawberries. After my meal, I worked on my final assignment for the Healthy Gamer coaching group. After a while, I stopped writing the content and sketched some points I'd like to include.

By then, it was time for a trip to Whyte Avenue! I packed up my Shun knife that I wanted to be sharpened in my backpack and headed out. It took me roughly an hour and fifteen minutes to make it to the knife shop. The walk itself was pleasant; it was a beautiful day outside. It didn't take them long to sharpen my knife at the store. The place is neat; they have various Japanese cooking stuff for sale and many beautiful knives. Lots of them are hand-forged from Japan. I received one for Christmas last year. The smith is from the same region of Japan my grandmother on my mother's side is from.

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I still had improv to go to! Knife in tow, I headed to a coffee shop to kill time. It was a funky place, a board game cafe called the Hexagon! It somehow survived Covid. The shop was littered with board games and various nerdy things. The coffee itself was alright. After finishing my coffee and bottle of water, I headed out to the improv workshop.

This was our final session of the workshop. A large chunk of it was figuring out what we'd like to do for our showcase on Wednesday. We decided on a few games to present. The games we played were pretty fun today too. The experience overall has been engaging. The work we did feels applicable to real life. Practicing getting out of my head, being present, listening, and being intuitive in reacting has been rewarding. I caught a ride with one of the other workshop takers back home. I swapped over the laundry, which should be done now. Long day today, interview tomorrow. I also put in over 30,000 steps. I think I'll sleep well tonight!

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One Thing That Went Well Today:

Improv felt natural today.

Gratitude:

I am grateful for the workshop crew. We really mesh well together.
I am grateful for my chef knives. They are good tools that help me cook.
I am grateful for my morning routine. It helps ground me for the rest of the day.

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

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Today was another active day! In the morning, I had my coffee, prayed, read the morning readings, watered the plants, made some breakfast, and took a quick walk around the neighbourhood to psych myself up for my interview. After taking a quick shower, shaving, and brushing my teeth, I set out to Cactus Club Cafe for the appointment.

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The interview was a mixed bag. The interviewer initially focused a lot on my work history and seemed concerned by how long I had stayed at different positions. When we got to talking a bit more, it felt like it went better. They'll let me know by Thursday if they're going to go forward with me or not.

I went to Iconoclast, the coffee shop, to unwind for a while. I had my regular black Americano and enjoyed the air conditioning 😊. It was initially really busy but then the morning rush died down. On my way back home, I dropped off a resume at another restaurant close to where I live. It's called Ashford House Pub and Kitchen and they make delicious food. The head chef also knows my old boss from when they both used to work at the Keg. They called me a little later on to let me know they didn't have any positions open, but that they would keep my resume on file. While I was in Manchester Square (the small shopping complex where Ashford House is), I stopped by the pretzel shop for lunch. Brezelhaus makes awesome pretzels, and I picked up one of my favourites that is essentially a sausage wrapped in pretzel. So good! I chatted with the son of the owner, who was working the till, for a while before heading out.

When I got back home, I decided to work a bit more on my assignment for coaching. I lost steam after an hour or so. It'd been a while since I did some strength training, so I decided to head to the gym for a bit. I ran into the personal trainer who talked with me on Monday at the gym and said hi. The front staff were also quite friendly. I toned down the intensity this time around. Instead of high reps/low weight, I used heavier weight and low reps (3 sets of 6 reps for each exercise). Hopefully I won't be as sore tomorrow compared to last time. I headed back home after about 40 minutes.

I decided to treat myself even more today and walked to the local convenience store. The guy who works there is really friendly and still recognized me even though I had not been there since losing weight and shaving off my beard. We had a pleasant conversation and I bought a Fresca. They didn't have protein bars though, so I went to the gas station to get one. After drinking the pop and eating the snack I had a 2 hour nap.

When I got back up, my mom, her boyfriend, and the dog had returned from their trip. I properly pet Fidel before making some dinner for myself. I just made the same spinach salad I did for breakfast, only with some thinly sliced onions this time. After having my salad, I went out for an hour long ride through the river valley on hte e-bike. There was a beautiful sunset tonight! I couldn't get a good picture, though. Now I'm here, drinking tea and listening to music. 😊

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I felt confident during my workout!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for the spirit of friendliness. I am glad that we can brighten each other's day with very little effort.
I am grateful for my acceptance around the interview. I think old me would have been more worried about it.
I am grateful for the cleaning powder the Knifewear guys pointed me towards. It worked to take the rust spots off my knife!

2 Hours of Productivity:
I'm going to count dropping off the resume and the workout in here to pad the other hour of productivity πŸ˜‰

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I had a pretty good day today.

My regular morning routine was peaceful. I went on a walk with my mom and her boyfriend after. When we got back, I started working on my final assignment for the Healthy Gamer coaching. I spent a few hours working on it and wrote a lot. After that, my mom and I went to go shoe shopping and to pick up the warming trays that her friend had lent me for the party dinner. The kitchen equipment had been loaded up and dropped off at my cousin's place in the west end, so we went to West Edmonton Mall to shop for the shoes. I got a nice pair of Nike's, which will be great for soccer on Sunday! We dropped in on my cousin and visited quickly at the door before leaving, warming trays in tow.

We went to drop them off at my mom's friend's place. We spent some time visiting with her friend's husband, who is going to use the warming trays tomorrow for a seafood-themed dinner. They have an extremely friendly dog named Cleopatra. She is also quite mischievous and a big chonker, because she gets fed cheese from the husband πŸ˜› . It was a nice visit. My mom and her friend wanted to go to Costco to shop, so they dropped me off at home.

When I got back, I started again on writing out the assignment, determined to finish it. I felt some initial resistance to it, but I recognized it and moved through it. I finished it with some time to spare, so I went on a decently long walk after starting some rice to help with dinner. After returning from my walk, I felt like fixing the bike tire on my commuter bike, so I did that. It was straightforward; I had pinched the tube I put in previously. I had 2 more spare tubes and nothing to patch the hole with, so I just swapped out the tube. I think it's good? I couldn't find anything in the tire that would've punctured the tube. We'll see tomorrow if the tire stays inflated.

Improv showcase! I finished up the swap just in time to get a ride to the theatre. All the workshop people were briefed, and then practiced a bit while we waited for showtime. The leader guy said about 75 people showed up for the show! The crowd was super positive and encouraging, really engaged the whole time. It was awesome! I stumbled a bit during one of my bits, but I quickly recovered. It was a really positive experience. The workshop group, just, everyone was great. I'm glad I got to do it.

I went for a bike ride when we got back home, and now I'm here. I'll hear back from Cactus Club tomorrow about whether or not I'm selected for the position.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

The showcase was awesome!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for sugar snap peas. Delicious!
I am grateful for the spirit of cooperation. We all become better when we work together.
I am grateful for the Rapid Fire Theatre. I think it's awesome that they put on these workshops.

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

Edited by DanielG
The thing that went well was wrong, so I fixed it >.>
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Synthwave journal πŸ˜„

I woke up a bit later, around 10 am. I still had time to have my regular morning routine and go for a walk. My mom made some breakfast consisting of a salad, two eggs, and a piece of toast. It was ready right in time for my initial consultation with the personal trainer from Copilot.

The consultation went well. Sierra, the trainer, asked me a bunch of questions about my goals and what I was looking to get out of working with her. Similar to what I told Xanthinna, the IRL trainer, I told her that I was looking to really master the form for exercises, so that I could maximize my workouts and not hurt myself. I also gave the loose goal of reaching ~15-18% bodyfat and 185 lbs. or so. She had a good energy to her and was really positive, which I liked. She sent me a workout routine a bit after our meeting that I'll be trying out tomorrow.

After the meeting with Sierra, I had my final Healthy Gamer coaching session. It was bittersweet. We reflected on our journeys and said our farewells. It went over by about 40 minutes; we had a lot of things to say I guess πŸ˜›. We're all planning on trying to stay in touch. We all were realistic about how people fall out of contact, though. I feel like coaching was immensely helpful. I am going to miss having this particular space where we all share like that as a group weekly. I'll still have my meetings with Cam and my homegroup I suppose, but it's still going to be a strange change. It's been about 10 months since I started with Healthy Gamer coaching, so as I said, bittersweet. I am glad that we've all reached a point where we feel we can move on from coaching, but it's sad that it's coming to an end. And that this moment is going by, never to return. I made an analogy using cooking to explain how the moment felt to me in group. It's this impermanent, temporary thing. Strikingly beautiful, but ultimately finite.

I had promised my dad we would meet up early before the dinner to go on a bike ride, so I hopped on my bike and made my way over to his place. He let me use his mountain e-bike, and he used his fatty tire e-bike; he has 3 e-bikes total, including the one I'm borrowing at the moment. He also has 4 vehicles. He likes his toys, I guess πŸ™ƒ. The ride we went on was great! We cruised along and made our way through some nice trails in nature. We rode for a little over an hour, in a big loop.

When we got back, it was time to head out for dinner. My dad chose the Cactus Club Cafe in West Edmonton Mall to have his belated Father's Day dinner, so that's where we went. It was quite crowded and loud, but we still had a good time. The food was excellent! My younger brother Zachary had the hot chicken and pickles and spaghetti. My older brother Jesse had a burger. My dad opted for a dijon salmon dish. And I went with the Szechuan Chicken Lettuce Wraps. All of it was really good.

Lettuce Wraps!Dijon Salmon

When we got back home, I gave my dad the Father's Day card I had written and the stones I had picked out for him from the bookstore. He cried a lot when he read the card and really appreciated it. We had a big hug after. He also really liked the stones! Afterwards, I wanted to escape the incoming rain so I biked home. Now I'm here.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

The belated Father's Day dinner was great!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for the Relaxation Sensation tea from Acquired Taste. It's a really solid herbal tea that soothes and relaxes.
I am grateful for the Healthy Gamer Coaching program. It was an awesome experience that really helped me out.
I am grateful for the group I had with the coaching program. I think we really made it a great space to be vulnerable and connect with each other.

2 Hours of Productivity:
Not really, busy with other stuff today

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Good day today. I realized I hadn't read in a while, so I took time today to read out of a couple books during my morning coffee ritual. After that, I made myself some breakfast. I fried up a couple slices of bacon and chopped up some veggies for an omelette. It turned out decent enough. I decided yesterday to start tracking calories, so I inputted the food into my phone. When I finished breakfast, I took the dog out for a walk, which was quite pleasant. He sniffed a lot of stuff and peed on a few trees, as dogs do. It was a relaxing walk.

After walking the dog, I walked to the gym to do my first Copilot workout! You just follow the prompts on your phone, basically. It was a good session. Some of the exercises were a bit too easy, some were a bit of a struggle. I sent the feedback to the personal trainer and she said she's making adjustments to the workout, so next time it should be more tailored to where I'm at.

When I got back, I got to applying to some jobs. I ended up applying to three that were relatively close and seemed like good restaurants to work at. I also emailed the Cactus Club Cafe guy to follow up about the position there, since they did not contact me yesterday like they said they would. It's a long weekend, so I figure they're super busy.

We were planning on hanging out to watch anime today, so I biked over to my cousin's place. I downloaded Strava yesterday onto my phone to track the bike rides, so I can see stats and junk about my rides, which is neat. My cousin's kids were relatively well-behaved and a blast to play with today! We watched some Attack on Titan after having some Seoul Fried Chicken and putting the kids to bed. The episodes were pretty wild! We're on the final season. I biked back home with no rear light because it had run out of batteries πŸ˜…. I did have my reflective jacket and my front light, though. Now I'm here.

I was tired throughout the day today. Lack of energy. Still, it didn't get in the way of my physical activity or productivity, so I'm counting that as a win.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

The workout was great!

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my friends. Even if we don't really have deep conversations, it's nice to have people to just hang out with.
I am grateful for my bike. It's an awesome way for me to get around and get exercise.
I am grateful for water. The return of the champion! It was hot again today, and biking around makes me sweat 😊

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

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I'm writing an early journal today in case I go out tonight to see the fireworks for Canada Day!

Today was a relaxed day. There were intermittent thunderstorms rolling in, though I still went for a few walks. I sent out a few applications to restaurants again, and texted the Sherlock Holmes Pub lady that I hadn't heard back from Cactus Club, and was likely not in the running for their opening. I had a nap in the late morning, since I got up pretty early. Emotionally I felt pretty even, no real big ups or downs. I was physically tired, though. I still would've liked to get a bike ride in, I just didn't want to risk it in the thunderstorm. My mom and I went out for coffee in the evening which was nice 😊. I also wrote an email to my counselor from Cedars, the treatment center I went to back in 2016. Also also! I made a marinated chicken breast, and put a nice BBQ rub on it after. It turned out delicious!

If I do end up going to see the fireworks, I'm planning on walking over to the high level bridge. I think that's where you'd get the best view. I'd also probably go earlier so I can get a good spot. I might just call it an early night though πŸ˜ƒ. We'll see!

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I reached a total loss of 30lbs. today! Down from 241lbs. to 211lbs. in exactly 2 months pretty well.

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my health. It's nice to be able to do active things.
I am grateful for lofi music. It makes good background noise for doing lots of things.
I am grateful for chicken. Chicken taste good πŸ˜›

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

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Another good day. Great meeting today at the homegroup, lots of impactful messages of experience, strength, and hope. I also got to hang out with a friend, shared a meal and kicked a soccer ball around. I snuck in some exercise as well as some applications for jobs as well, all in all a good day. Crept near my calorie limit though, with not as much protein as I would've liked. Ah well.

I'm not feeling as motivated to write out a whole speel today. Though I'm writing stuff out now to reflect on things, so we'll see how long it ends up being πŸ˜†. I'm really putting effort into life these days, and I feel like I'm doing a good job of not being attached to the outcome. Like with these jobs, for instance. I think old me would've taken to heart the rejection of not getting a position. As is, I still feel that it was a bit of a dick move to say "We'll contact you and give you a decisive answer on Thursday", and then never get back to me.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

Michael and I had a good time hanging out today 😊

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my new shoes. They worked really well for kicking the soccer ball around today!
I am grateful for the messages people shared at the meeting today. They really resonated with me and reminded me of where I've come from and what I still need to do on a daily basis.
I am grateful for my willingness to sometimes lean into discomfort. It's cool to see the growth in myself.

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

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It happens a lot but rejection is a part of life, best to just reflect on what you could improve and what you did right (you always do somethings right and it is important to remember these too and congratulate yourself) and then move on.

You can't afford to stop to throw rocks at every dog that barks after all.

Congrats on doing all these activities to move forward though don't take the phrase before as criticism it is just a suggestion.

Edited by Faroe Islander
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Today was a big socialization day. I spent pretty well the entire day with some friends. We went for brunch and then hung out at my cousin's house for the rest of the day. At around 5 I had a quick Zoom call with my improv coach, who gave me some positive feedback. She said that I was really good at supporting people, both onstage and off, and that it was cool to see how I grew throughout the workshops week to week. She said I am ready for level 2 of the workshops if I wanted, which is exciting! The workshop members and I had made a loose plan to do level 2 together in the fall, so we'll see how that goes.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I got some positive feedback from the improv coach πŸ˜ƒ

Gratitude:

I am grateful for being present during my cousin's kids toddler years. It's been a delight and an honour to share some of the precious moments of their childhood.
I am grateful for the people who made my food today. A lot of time, care, and effort goes into making the things I eat, I am glad that there are people who are willing to do those things.
I am grateful for my daily reflections books. They help set the tone for the day.

2 Hours of Productivity:
Not today.

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I spent a decent chunk of time on the computer today. I got in my productivity hours by putting in some job applications and scouting out the volunteering scheduling system for Habitat for Humanity, the charity I'm looking to volunteer with. The rest of it was spent going through my dad's old digital camera photos. I shared a bunch with my friends and we got a good kick out of some of them (carefully curated by me, of course). Also, it was nice to see pictures of some of the people who shaped my life who have since passed (my grandparents and some of my great aunts/uncles).

I also put in a lot of physical activity today. I completed my Copilot scheduled workout (the personal training app that I'm testing out via the free trial). I had to adapt some of the exercises since I decided to work out at home. I wasn't feeling well and didn't want to spread my germs to the gym people. I nearly cracked 30k steps again today, and was just shy of 20km total distance walked. Part of me wanted to be a completionist and keep walking, but I figured since I've been feeling sick I won't push it. And I think the parallels between that and how video games are designed to keep you pushing/hooked makes me a bit leery of engaging in achievement hunting for fitness. As long as I'm doing it and keeping healthy, I think that's what's important for me at the moment.

I also was decently social today. I ran into and consciously took the initiative to talk to two people I would consider acquaintances. One was someone I knew from AA, and the other was our neighbour from a few doors down. In both instances, we ended up having good conversations and I left feeling uplifted from our encounter. I got to learn a bit more about them as well, which was cool.

All in all, a good day. I snagged a photo of the river today, since I thought it looked beautiful tonight. The picture doesn't really do it justice, but I'll include it anyway.

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One Thing That Went Well Today:

I was sick today, but I still managed to do a bunch of stuff! πŸ˜ƒ

Gratitude:

I am grateful for my dad's inclination for photography. It was nostalgic and fun going through the photos he took.
I am grateful for coffee. It helped me power through today.
I am grateful for random encounters with people. It really brightens the day when I get to speak with people on the street. 😊

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

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I'm writing yesterday's journal this morning. I was tired and decided to call it an early night.

I got up early, after a little less than four hours of sleep, and decided I was going to cut down my coffee intake to zero on a whim. I was (and still am) feeling sick with a cough. So, I didn't brew my morning pot, otherwise my other activities were my usual routine. My morning walk was good, loosened me up a bit since I was sore from my workout the day before. I also spent some time reading the Michael Singer book.

When my mom got up, we took the dog out for a walk together. Her boyfriend had gone to the nature preserve he helps manage to meet with some weed sprayers. We had a nice walk together, and had a small disagreement about the nature of video games. I heard 'video games are all bad and cause depression', and we eventually worked it out that she meant to convey that 'for some people, video games become an addiction and that, for them, it can cause a lot of different problems, including depression'. After our walk, I had a nap.

Upon awakening, I decided to go for a bike ride, since it was nice outside. I took the usual longer route through the river valley I like to do, but this time with my regular bike (instead of the e-bike). I handled the hills decently well, which was a gratifying moment. It felt like some of my work getting back into shape was paying off. The river valley was beautiful as always, and there weren't too many people about since it was in the middle of the day on a weekday.

After the bike ride, I applied to some more jobs online. The well of jobs posted on Indeed for line cook positions is getting a bit dryer since I've put a bunch in, so I'm branching out to other platforms. I went for another walk after, just a short one around the block.

A guy who attends my AA homegroup fairly regularly had suggested an online meeting to attend on Wednesdays, so I made the time to go. It was a good meeting, heavily focused on the Big Book. Once that completed, I had a meeting with Cam. We also had a good meeting, spoke at length about a couple different topics, and had our regular check-in as to how I'm doing in different aspects of my life. I went straight to bed after the meeting.

One Thing That Went Well Today:

I had a healthy disagreement/conflict with my mom that didn't blow up into something crazy.

Gratitude:

I am grateful for tissue paper. It's nice to be able to blow my nose in comfort.
I am grateful for my Bluetooth/USB speaker. I appreciate having the option to listen to music wherever.
I am grateful for my breath. It gives me life, and can be an excellent grounding focus for when I meditate.

2 Hours of Productivity:
Yes!

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11 hours ago, DanielG said:

'video games are all bad and cause depression',

>>>>

'for some people, video games become an addiction and that, for them, it can cause a lot of different problems, including depression'.Β 

I really liked that statement progression. Something Cam(?) once said about games attracting strong people who like a challenge and have strong social/moral compasses(?) resonated with me when I found GQ (flattering, of course). I've been saying to people that 'gaming helped meΒ 'for awhile', (in the past) but really not so much anymore now.' - Like either a risky or even very safe way to learn things about ourselves. I guess it takes asking one's self where 'magic' and motivation ought to be coming from. Also kind of interesting to me that gaming came up on a dog walk - in my family we thought we all knew what was best for our pets. What about family members too?Β πŸ˜…

Swell post man πŸ˜›Β 

Edited by wheatbiscuit
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