Wildermyth 88 Posted October 23, 2022 Author Share Posted October 23, 2022 (edited) Started thinking this morning about all the times I've physically hurt myself or broke something due to gaming. I've always been quite competitive when it comes to certain types of games, like racing games, shooters and fighting games. I've trashed many controllers over the years due to this as I just snap sometimes and all this aggressive energy bursts out of me. My two most major tantrums resulted in me hurting my knee so bad that I could barely walk and the second made me smash up a Macbook Pro that was worth at least 1k. In these moments I've been quite scared of what I'm capable of when I lose control. I usually clench my teeth together, ram my fist into something and hyperventilate to the point where I'm almost fainting. It's been a couple of years since I've acted out like this but some games still make me way too mad and it ruins most of my day when it happens. No doubt it's also related to how my autism behaves as emotions and loss of control are complicated matters when it comes to this particular diagnosis. I am grateful though that I don't have these outbursts anymore, even though I'm a bit afraid that it's going to take shape in some other form. I've yet to act out like this in front of others because the thought of shaming myself is overpowering my need for aggression. Still, I've had a couple of moments over the years where the pressure has hit the roof and I couldn't keep it down and it usually resulted in me cursing or hitting a wall in front of someone. It catches people off guard for sure as I'm mostly regarded as a very calm individual so I believe it's important for me to be open about it so that it doesn't come as a surprise. Edited October 23, 2022 by Wildermyth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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