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On the road to a better life ... - My way out of the addiction.


nils
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Learned for another 30 - 40 minutes now. So barely 3 hours today in total. Tomorrow needs to be better. I post my schedule here so the chance is higher that I will stick to it:

  • waking up: 8:45
  • breakfast, then going to the clinic (I plan to be there until 10 a.m.)
  • study session 1 (until 12:45)
  • walking back to my home, preparing and eating lunch
  • 2 p.m. coffee with a friend (until 4 p.m. at the latest)
  • going to the clinic again, study session 2 (until 8 p.m.)
  • moving home, dinner, time for stretching, relaxing, maybe some repetition of learned stuff
  • going to bed (until midnight at the latest)
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Posted (edited)

21st of April:

I failed on the first half of the day again because I stood up too late. My morning routine is not working atm it seems so I need to find a solution for that. Maybe planning more realistically by not putting too many tasks on my schedule early in the morning is the way to go. We'll see, I have to figure something out.

Because of that, I readjusted my time schedule. I skipped breakfast because it was too late. Made early lunch instead at 11.30 and planned to learn from 12 o clock to 2 p.m. I only managed to study for 45 minutes though due to procrastination.ย ๐Ÿ˜ฌ Did some laundry during the break. From 2 p.m. to 4 p.m. I went for my coffee appointment, it was a really nice time with good communication. I still struggle with smalltalk, especially when talking to people that I dont know well and that I have just met recently. But I think I managed to not behave awkwardly. Afterwards, I did some more laundry, then headed towards the clinic. Started to study there from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m., only had a 45 min break (stretching + listening to 3 short GTS podcasts). So I learned about 4 hours today which is a slightly better result than yesterday. At the end of the session, I did some repetition of already learned medical topics. I found that I was able to remember a lot, which is kind of relieving. You often forget a lot of stuff because you have to remember so many facts in a short time as a medical student.

I just had a nice salad, now I am relaxing a little bit. I want to learn for another 30 minutes afterwards, but it would be better to go to bed early, I think.

My plans for tomorrow:

  • waking up at 9.30 (more realistic atm)
  • showering + breakfast
  • finally getting that license from the citizens' center
  • lunch (finished 2 p.m. at the latest)ย 
  • going to the clinic, study session until 20 p.m. with breaks for coffee, stretching, GTS podcasts
  • returning home, dinner, chilling or studying ( depends on how motivated I will still be after the learning day)

ย 

Didnt mention the highlight of the day yet: My Riot account got deleted!! Just received a message from Riot Games. This is a huge step for me! It is necessary to increase friction when it comes to my LoL cravings. It is harder to fall for cravings when you dont have a high level account with lots of skins and data of your gaming results, like a ranking for example. Its all gone now! If I want to play again I need to start from the bottom by creating a new account after downloading the game. This would take a few steps during which I could rethink any relapse attempts I might take. But I am not willing to take them. I dont want to live through such a situation ever again ๐Ÿ™‚

ย 

ย 

__________

Today is day 34 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

Edited by nils
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22nd of April:

Same result as yesterday. I am still failing at the first half of the day. Woke up at 9.30 as intendet, but made it out of bed 30 min later. The biggest issue here is my smartphone and YT that keep me busy until the late night. So my only plan left for today will be: Turn the phone off before bedtime! And I still cannot relax by doing music or fitness because I still have the inflammation in my arms. That really sucks. Maybe instead of Youtube, reading, going for a walk or just listen to an audio book would be possible alternatives.

I reconsidered my plan once more because the citizens' center would close at 12 on Friday, and I was already late. So still no license. It is not a task I need to do immediately, but having it done in the next week is a must for me because I have failed on that too often now.

Had a big breakfast, chilled a little (again Youtube, my weak point atm), then went to the clinic at 13.30. Started learning at 14.15, spent time in the seminar room until 8 p.m. But with some breaks, a short walk included. Also a friend called me at 7 p.m., so I spent an hour on the phone. This is quality time though, so its fine. In total, I studied 3 hours and 20 min. Didnt stretch nor listened to any podcasts. I will stretch before bedtime.ย 

Now I will prepare dinner and fold my laundry afterwards.

I wont structure my day for tomorrow in detail this time, my only task will be: staying up until 9.30 and not procrastinating immediately after breakfast. If that is done, the day will be already won.

__________

Today is day 35 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

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23rd of April:

I promised myself to be honest in this journal, so I have to admit I didnt stick to my plans once more. Yesterday at 10 p.m. I watched a trailer of a nice film on YT and recognized that the cinema in my town showed it at 11 p.m. I decided to watch it, being aware of the fact that I wouldnt be able to handle my 9.30 plan the next morning. I wanted to go to the cinema for quite a while and yesterday after that trailer I just felt like going. I didnt regret watching it but I am not happy how today went. I only studied for barely 3 hours again, and only because I convinced myself to learn stuff for 2 hours in the evening. Before, I had only studied for 30 minutes. The day was mainly wasted on procrastinating again by spending a lot of time on Youtube.

This journal is about my LoL addiction, but I am aware that Youtube plays a big part in it too. It is the second addicting thing in my life after LoL and has a similar addictive potential. Sometimes I feel like it is fine to watch some videos for entertainment. But I am oftentimes not able to stop a phase of binging videos as well, even with DF Youtube activated. So I need to take precautions in the first place that save me from watching YT mindlessly. I think, a reason for these wasted hours is the fact, that I have no good possibility of separating entertainment and work in my room. I only have one desk with my PC on it that provides both workspace and entertainment. This is exactly why I separate work and entertainment by leaving my flat. If I learn at home, it is too easy to get distracted. I dont have good alternatives though, the town's library is closed atm and I dont know whereelse I could learn besides the clinic (still have the problem with my account and no WiFi there so I cant use online resources for studying which really holds me back).ย 

Maybe I have just reached a point of studying where I have a little low. I realized that my motivation is still there but I am not as efficient as I have been a few weeks ago. Maybe I am too harsh to myself. I have reached a lot of good things this month!

  • I deleted my LoL account and all left LoL-related material on my PC.
  • I ate healthy and didnt buy added sugars or sweets in weeks now.
  • I went for a 40 minute walk on a daily basis since the last 1,5 weeks.
  • Since my first day of journaling I have studied EVERY DAY. And there were times in my life where I wasnt able or willing to learn in weeks or months.
  • I started a new hobby (bouldering) and made new friends because of that

By the way: My forearms are not fine yet, but they dont hurt anymore and I have the hope that bouldering or fitness will be doable in a few days again.

Conclusion: Considering the fact my exam is in about 2,5 weeks, I need better daily results and therefore need to cut down spending time on YT. But I am showing up consistently which is good. I am still optimistic that I can get a good grade.

__________

Today is day 36 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

ย 

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Great breakdown, its an example dor us to follow.

I was feeling very ill yesterday and so I gave in to watching a short action film to distract myself.

I wonder about healthy replacements requiring strong health and a lot of energy. For example, I want to gain muscle mass, but over-stressing my body immediately takes me out for 1 or two days. My eating habits also donโ€™t help in gaining weight. I need to get a book on that.

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@Amphibian220 Thanks for your kind reply! I really appreciate it! ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck with your fitness goals. I know the problem of over-stressing just too well. When I start new projects, I oftentimes do them excessively until it is too much and I need to rest. Thats why I have sinews problems now because of bouldering too much ๐Ÿ˜…

ย 

24th of April:

Short entry today. Stood up late again, drank some coffee, chilling until 13.30 (but NO Youtube!). Went for a long walk, about 80 minutes. Cooked and had lunch then. Listened to a Rich Roll Podcast afterwards, the one with James Clear (I am a fan of his book 'Atomic Habits'). It was a long podcast, two and a half hours. Started learning at 18.45. After 3 hours with no breaks, I write this entry now. Will do a short walk next, I need to clear my head after this long study session. I will proceed afterwards for another hour at least, then go to bed.

Reached my goal of the day: No Youtube the entire day, not even using my smartphone a lot. ๐Ÿ™‚

__________

Today is day 37 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

ย 

ย 

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25th of April:

I got out of bed at 9.30, showered, then had a call with a friend at 10 a.m. No breakfast, but early lunch. Went for a walk in the afternoon. Studied 4 hours so far, 1 hour left to go after my journal entry. Could have done more for sure, but I was procrastinating a little again in the late afternoon.

I am starting to feel the pressure a little more now since the exam is in about 2 weeks. Also my medical thesis is still bothering me. At least I got an answer from my tutor today (turned out my tutor was able to read my mail that I have sent). I have a meeting now in the end of May. After my exam there will be a few weeks left during which I want to push my thesis. But I can feel that I should get some free days after this learning phase. I earned them. And besides, I need them in order to stay mentally strong. I'd also like to think about my personal development afterwards because I am still not content with my living situation and still dont know where to apply for my first job, regarding clinics. So maybe I will go hiking for a few days.

I had a strong temptation today for sweets. I was really hungry after the seminar and needed to buy some food from the supermarket. But I resisted the urge and came up with the solution that buying grapes instead of sweets is a good trade-off. Did some fitness exercises, too. In the end, this day was just fine.

__________

Today is day 38 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

ย 

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26th of April:

Today was a good day! Procrastinated less, studied over 4 hours and decided to learn with some new people for the exam. Had a 40 min walk and ate healthy. No fitness today, but time will come.ย 

__________

Today is day 39 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

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27th of April:

Exercised one hour in the forenoon, havent done that in a long time. After lunch I started studying with my new group. Due to some social anxiety and a lack of self-confidence I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to be on an equal level regarding knowledge. But my fears were unnecessary, it was a good decision to join the others and study with them. After 2 hours I went home, spent some minutes there before leaving again. Went to the seminar rooms and studied another 2 hours. Had a 1 hour walk besides my 1 hour fitness workout, too. In toal: Learned over 4 hours today, 1 hour walk and 1 hour fitness. I am content with this result for today.

__________

Today is day 40 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

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28th of April:

In a weak moment of the day, I watched LoL content again. I immediately regretted it after I had finished. Interestingly, I had cravings for watching LoL montages but not at all for playing the game. Nevertheless, I obviously havent fully internalized the importance of staying away from LoL content. Repeating this bad habit is the first thing I need to avoid in the next days and weeks.ย 

The forenoon was mainly spent on playing music, procrastinating and preparing lunch. In the afternoon I had an appointment. I havent studied a single minute as the evening began. When I realized that, I fought against the urge of remaining inside my comfort zone at home. I went to the clinic where I studied from 7 p.m. to 22.30 straight. I was glad I made it through that moment of struggling. I got so immersed in the medical material that the time flew by. I didnt fully make it through the last topic, so I have some chapters left for tomorrow morning. I will try to maintain the energy and focus that I had this evening for tomorrow.

After studying in the morning, I will have another appointment at 1 p.m. tomorrow. Afterwards (late afternoon or evening), I will go to the seminar rooms again.ย 

I did a 1 hour walk today and about 20 minutes of riding my bike (driving to the clinic and backwards after studying).

Besides watching LoL content today, I have no cravings for League whatsoever. Barely 2 weeks until I have my exam and hopefully become a doctor. I will keep going down the path that I committed myself to.

__________

Today is day 41 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

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16 hours ago, nils said:

Barely 2 weeks until I have my exam and hopefully become a doctor.

My ambition is to become a doctor as well! Your journals have greatly motivated me, and this is also a role model for me to imagine how med life is. It's really inspiring and don't give up on your detox!

Wish you good luck for your exam!

Edited by cauliflower
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5 hours ago, cauliflower said:

My ambition is to become a doctor as well! Your journals have greatly motivated me, and this is also a role model for me to imagine how med life is. It's really inspiring and don't give up on your detox!

Wish you good luck for your exam!

Wow, thanks!! This is one of the greatest compliments you could have given me! I started journaling mainly because this community is so nice and recommended it. And because I needed some external control for my habits (accountability). But to see that people really take something from this, motivates me to stick to it ๐Ÿ™‚ I am truly thankful for your comment! Atm I dont comment much because of my exam phase. But afterwards I want to delve into some other peoples' stories here in this forum ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

Although today was a miss (see my entry below), I will try to stay strong and keep going! I also wish you the best of luck for your plan of becoming a doctor. It is a long way to get there and you really need to want it. Studying gets easier over time. In my case, the first 2 years were hard because the exams were designed in a way that failing was easy. But the last 3 years were no problem anymore regarding passing tests. Just remember yourself from time to time WHY you want to become a doctor and why u started that journey. Most of the things you learn during studies arent necessarily the things you need for your profession later on.

A big thing for me was the switch from school to academic studies. After the first 2 years of studying, suddenly there was no external control anymore. Noone controlled my habits and the way I lived my daily life. Thats when I got addicted to LoL and when I missed daily routines like staying up early, having an eating rhythm, and so on. If you dont have a girlfriend / boyfriend and noone is controlling you, you need some good habits and selfawareness besides some self-discipline in order to stay focused. I suck at self-discipline, I find it way easier when people rely on me and control my actions or when there are specific deadlines so I have no excuses.

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29th of April:

Today was kind of a miss. I stood up at 10 a.m., immediately went showering and preparing my lunch. I had breakfast with one of my flatmates on the balcony. I then sticked to my plan from yesterday and finished my last chapters. That took me about 30-40 minutes. My appointment (doing sports with a study colleague) got delayed by 1 hour, so it started at 2 p.m. and lasted until 4 p.m. I havent had lunch until then and I was really hungry. So I went to the supermarket. I really craved for sweets this time and bought me some cookies, this was fine for me today because it was the first time this month and I dont do it on a regular basis anymore. I had lunch then (lasagna with tomatoes and spinach). It was already 6 p.m. and I was in a bad mood, mainly because I again realized that my flat situation isnt good for me. I just dont fit into the friend group of my flatmates and conversation feels really awkward from time to time. This may be because I am lacking some social skills and smalltalk isnt my strength (both flatmates are really nice and communicative), however our interests differ a lot and we dont have much in common. I am looking forward to move out in a few months and to rent my own apartment. The point is that I moved to a new town lately and have already met a lot of new people, but I am still struggling to find my peer group and some deep friendships. A lot of my other friends nowadays live across the country, hours away from me.

So as I said, it was 6 p.m., my mood wasnt good and I got tired. I didnt study as planned, instead I laid down on my bed and got some rest. I will now go to bed. First thing in the morning after showering will be having breakfast WITHOUT starting my pc and procrastinating. I will hear an inspirational podcast or some music maybe, but will then immediately try to leave the house and go to the seminar rooms so I can be productive.

Today I watched no LoL content although I spent time on Youtube. The weekend is planned to be spent mainly at the clinic without many distractions. After the weekend I will have one week left until my exams begin. I havent even started with my last subject because I studied the greater subjects first, so I will focus on that on the weekend. I will keep you updated on how I progress.

__________

Today is day 42 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

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30th of April:

Writing this daily entry earlier than usual. Today was pretty awesome! I 100% sticked to my plan. Stood up at 9.30, showered, then had breakfast. This morning, I didnt fall for the bad habit of eating while being in front of the PC (now I am doing it though, oops ๐Ÿ˜„ ). Instead, I spent time in the kitchen and listened to some really awesome classical music. If you need some recommendations, here you go:

Edvard Grieg - Piano Sonata, Op. 7 (e minor):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWQUeipn-N0

Liszt - Rรฉminiscences de Lucrezia Borgia, S400 (William Wolfram):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-XtfYTLi2Y

After having breakfast, I didnt fall for my other bad habit which is: starting the PC right after breakfast in order to procrastinate ๐Ÿ˜‰. I immediately left the house and walked to the clinic's seminar rooms. Arrived there at about 11.15. I first of all called my sister who I havent spoken to in a while. After finishing the call, I started studying at 12 p.m. Believe it or not, but I spent almost 8 hours in total in the clinic during which I studied 6 hours with good focus. I had some little breaks in between for coffee, stretching and getting a clear head again. The breaks added up to 85 minutes in total. After this insane study session I decided that the day was already won and whatever will happen at home (more learning, just procrastinating, ...) is okay. I havent watched any LoL related content today, too. ๐Ÿ™‚

I just returned home. I have seen two sweet little rabbits in a garden during my walk to the flat. I also passed a mother with a little kid on the arm and the kid waved to me and said hello. All that happened during a golden sunset. It felt good to recognize these little things in life. It helps me to deal with my moody condition. Realizing that I dont have any stable social life since I have moved to another town makes me sad. I guess I am not the easiest person to be around. And I oftentimes enjoy being alone. When I meet friends, I often need time for myself after a few hours whereas other people might have no trouble at all spending a whole week with their friends without being alone. Maybe I have just unlearned being around people during the last years and especially during the pandemic, I dont know. Meeting people from time to time (which I do) is fine, but having some really good friends nearby is worth a lot and I feel like I lack that.

I also found I should establish some kind of mental routine in my life because I think about myself in a mainly negative way. I have a list of things that I have already completed and accomplished in life. This should make me feel proud. But I still regret a lot of things that happened in the past.

It is good to know where you come from, but in order to make progress you have to focus on the things and thoughts you can control RIGHT NOW and in your future. Reminder to myself: Let the past be and focus on the things to come. And treat yourself with love sometimes and dont take things too seriously. ๐Ÿ™‚

__________

Today is day 43 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

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Read a bunch of your journal posts and I think you are doing pretty well mate!

Its pretty interesting, since we share a lot of things, I was also addicted to Lol, I am also studying medicine. For me it all started after the final year of school, same like you after that exam, because of all the stress. I kept playing and playing, even when the med school started. I literally learned 0 hours in the first year. I dont need to explain what that means in med school, you know it yourself. Struggling since then to get back up. Sad thing is I never got back to that old me in highschool, but still trying(somewhere you mentioned that you want get back to your old-self, thats why I mention it). I keep procrastinating although I quitted Lol for good. This is also something I think you are doing great. You didnt just stop Lol you actually try to get work done(eg your long learning sessions) Definitely focus on that.ย 
ย 

Will follow your journal from now on, might get some good tips for myself too ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

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Posted (edited)

1st of May:

It has been almost 1,5 months since my Game Quitters account creation, wow. Just realized that this month passed rather quickly, but it was a good month for me.

Today was almost like yesterday, regarding studying and spending time in the seminar rooms (only 1 hour less). I stood up very early this morning (that felt great!), at 7.45. I made breakfast, then - because I knew the day would be laborious - I relaxed a little by watching some movie scenes on Youtube while eating. The movie '1917' gives me chills everytime, I remembered watching it with a friend in the cinema and the camera work was superb. I spent a good hour procrastinating like this, then showered and went to the clinic without any more disturbances. Studying felt a little bit less effective than yesterday. I started at 11 a.m. and finished at 18.30. Studied 5 hours in total, with 2,5 hours of breaks (and some more procrastination, I admit ๐Ÿ™‚ ). When I returned home, I had walked 50 minutes until then. A little 40 min fitness workout followed. Now I am writing this entry being a little exhausted. I am ambivalent on whether I can afford some Prime video time or not. As you can guess, I'd like to watch '1917' again. But I feel a little more like learning tbh. I still have one important chapter left for today, so I will start this now and try to finish it. Afterwards, it is either too late to watch a movie before bed time or I will start it. If I make it through another study session, I will have studied 6 hours today perhaps, same as yesterday.

Regarding LoL, I have no cravings whatsoever and also didnt watch any LoL content since the 28th of April. Leaving the house helps a lot! Atm I still have to search lots of medical things up for the exam, but in the middle of the next week I will need to learn my notes by heart without any further search (because it is a verbal and a practical exam). That will be the time to visit the seminar rooms again.

Tomorrow I will have reached 50 % of my gaming detox ๐Ÿ™‚ I plan to progress after the 90 days ofc, but maybe I wont count every single day. In the end, a daily detox can also be a daily reminder of LoL, so maybe making a cross in my calendar on a weekly, not daily basis will be better for me. I just need to make sure that I dont lose contact to my detox goals.

__________

Today is day 44 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 45 days without gaming (50% of the full detox).

ย 

Edit: Studied another 1,5 hours now until 11 p.m., so 6,5 hours in total today. Thats fine ๐Ÿ™‚ย 

Edited by nils
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2nd of May:

Today was one of the less productive days. I planned to stay up early, but made it out of bed at 9.30. I showered, went to the supermarket, bought some rolls and had breakfast. Afterwards, I prepared my 1 p.m. seminar with my co-examinees and was busy until 14.30. Then I had lunch and watched a movie afterwards. In the evening I decided to learn at the clinic again, only to realize after one rather uneffective hour, that I cant go on like this today. So I returned home after a second stop at the supermarket. I bought me some ice cream as a reward for reaching my 50 % detox goal and now I am watching some Netflix. Tomorrow has to be more productive than today.

At least I reached my detox goal.

__________

Today is day 45 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

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3rd of May:

Stood up early, then headed to the citizens' center in order to finally get my certificate of conduct that I need for my approbation request. Had some more appointments in the town, then returned home about 11.30 and made me some lunch. I spent some more time at home before I headed off to the clinic where I studied from 15.30 to 8 p.m. without big breaks. At 8 p.m. I left the clinic and walked home while calling a friend. Arrived home at 21.30 and spent some time with my flatmates before I finally went to bed.

Again I felt sad and lonely yesterday. The exam isnt stressing me too much but I still feel socially isolated because I dont have a proper peer group in my new town. I will have to work on that more after the exam.

Studied almost 4 hours and spent 1 hour walking today.

__________

Today is day 46 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

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4th of May:

Stood up at 9.30 and made breakfast. Watched a series during that. Went for a walk afterwards, about 1,5 h. Started studying at 14.30 and pushed myself through that session without any break until 20.30 (not good, I know, but still so much to learn ๐Ÿ˜…). Now I need some food and some mobilisation. Afterwards I will continue to study. I get stressed out a little, because I realized how many topics I havent worked on. Luckily I have some days left before the exam starts. I really need the next days. I dont even think about gaming atm, no time for that.

__________

Today is day 47 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

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5th of May:

The days become blurred. Every day is similar to the one before and filled with long study sessions now. I feel the pressure rising, and so many topics are left to be learned. I try to encourage myself, that the exam is doable and that not many students fail the tests. On Monday I will move to my old town where the exam will happen, so from Monday on I wont do my journal for about 1 week.

Today I stood up at 9.30 again, then had a hairdresser appointment. Afterwards I prepared breakfast and started my study session at 12.30. With some major and minor breaks I pushed myself through until 17.45. I decided to do an one hour walk in order to refresh my mind. Since I have finished that, I am studying until now. I will watch one episode of a series now and do some stretching meanwhile because I sit hours and hours at the PC this week. After this exam, sports will climb up my priority list again. Stretching on a consistent basis got me really ahead though. I can now reach and touch the ground with my fingers while staying with extended legs.

I am still not sure how to deal with this journey. I want to address more topics, atm its just a list of my daily tasks and activities. Boring to read for you, I guess ๐Ÿ˜‰ When I have more time, I will try to improve on this.

Hopefully you are all doing fine and good things happen to you. I wish you all the best for your own journeys! ๐Ÿ™‚

__________

Today is day 48 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

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Posted (edited)

6th of May:

Did my morning routine after staying up at 9.30, then went to the clinic. Started learning at 11.30, finished at 5 p.m. I skipped lunch today, but had early dinner. Now I will do some stretching and go to my desk for the evening session afterwards. My mood is fine today. But I still feel stressed a lot because of what lies ahead of me.ย 

I started to eat more sugar the last three days. It is because of the exam. Also lunch and dinner are not that healthy, mostly noodles. I feel like I need this atm, but its obviously not a good coping mechanism for stress. After my exam, I will return to a healthy routine. I also still spend some time on YT during the breaks, but its less than I used to. I am quite time-efficient these days, which I need to be if I want to get a good result next week. The end of the stressful study phase is in sight. ๐Ÿ™‚

__________

Today is day 49 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

ย 

Edit: Learned another 2,5 hours now, so 8 hours today in total. Feels good again to be productive and spending the time in a useful way, although its a little exhausting. After the exam I will focus on continuing my study sessions on a regular basis, but in more relaxed way. I know this type of studying atm is not healthy.

Edited by nils
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7th of May:

Stood up at 9.15, showered, had breakfast and finished by 10.45. Started studying until 13.45. I then needed a short break, but since I felt like I had to be careful with my time, I didnt procrastinate. Instead, I got on the bike and drove to the clinic again, where I started my next session at 14.30. I did some Pomodoro cycles and finished at 18.30. I wanted to stay for longer, but I was too foggy-brained because I had no big breaks yet and also my brain needed some sugar in order to work (skipped lunch). So I decided to return to my flat and prepared dinner which I will now enjoy with my flatmate and some friends. So far I have studied almost 7 hours! But I am still planning to do another session after dinner, since the day isnt over and it is the "hot phase", only a couple of days before the exam starts.ย 

I still feel quite stressed and nervous. I hope it will all be fine and it wont be a problem that I dont have the time anymore to go through all the topics again.

Tomorrow will be the last day of journaling before the exam, I will continue by the end of the next week.

__________

Today is day 50 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

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8th of May:

This will be my last time of journaling until the end of the next week because I am moving towards my old town tomorrow. Today I didnt get ahead as much as I wanted. I studied for barely 3 hours today, did a lot of procrastination again. I think it is because of the stress. Well, I still have some days left until the exam starts. So I need to get as much as possible out my hours in the next days.

I studied for over 1 month now, almost every day at least 2-3 hours. So failing is not an option. I will be back soon and tell you the results. Wish me luck!

__________

Today is day 51 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 60 days without gaming (two-thirds of the full detox).

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  • 3 weeks later...

26th of May:

Hey folks, it has been a while! In the past weeks a lot has happened in my life, an update is therefore necessary.

First of all, I have finished my exams!! I am officially a doctor now! โค๏ธ ๐Ÿ™‚ ย  It feels so relieving! After all these study hours in April, I realized how much I have stressed myself, and now a huge chunk of that stress is gone. All the study sessions were well invested. Even though I didnt feel well prepared during the exam days, the time I spent learning wasnt wasted, it made huge difference in the end. During my preparation, I couldnt finish all topics in time and therefore wasnt able to answer some important questions from my examiners, but especially on the second day of the exams I performed really well. I even got a really good grade!! I have never expected that because I felt so far behind in knowledge due to my LoL addiction.

The fact that I have finished studies after 6,5 years hasnt settled in my mind yet. But I can be proud of myself, I know that. It was worth all the effort.

After the exams, I didnt feel too well though. I fell ill, thats why I havent been journaling yet. I felt really week, but now I am okay.

Regarding LoL, I have to admit that I watched some YT montages for entertainment after the exams. But I didnt feel any urge to play the game again. Reaching almost 70 days without playing LoL feels really good, the 90 days goal is in sight. I didnt have any huge cravings in the last weeks, too. The one thing I want to improve on atm is to lose my connection to LoL entirely by stopping watching content. I watch these montages just for entertainment and because it reminds me of the good times I had while playing this game. It wasnt all bad. LoL has helped me through some dark phases of my life. But the montages are not the standard gameplay, I am aware of that. Yes, from time to time you can execute an amazing play against several players on the enemy team and you get the praise of your teammates. But most of the time its just an unhealthy and toxic experience. I dont miss playing the game anymore. There are too many reasons that keep me away from this game, and I enjoy less stressful games much more than LoL these days. Gaming still plays a part of my life. I think it is safe to say though that I dont have an unhealthy relationship to the other games that I played in the past. I think, everyone needs to find his or her own way of dealing with gaming issues. In my case, I am not against gaming in total. I also dont think that I NEED to stay away from gaming entirely in order to perform well in other areas of my life. But I need to reflect what types of games are safe to play for entertainment without getting addicted to it and what types of games are to avoid at all costs. I especially dont want to have ONLINE games in my future life, these are the most addictive due to their feedback loops, their social and competitive aspects and lots of other reasons. I still love RPGs like Witcher 3 because (besides the good gameplay) the games tell interesting stories and I can ENJOY them instead of being frustrated. Although there is always a quest that is waiting for me, I find it much easier to take a break from the game and to stop playing, I cant do this in LoL.

This is what works for me. I am content atm with the things I have accomplished, my life has improved in so many ways. Maybe one day I will stop playing games at all, who knows. When I will start my first job, I wont have much time for that anyways. I nowadays see gaming as a relaxing hobby that I can follow from time to time.

A little prospect in the end: The next weeks and months will be filled with working on my medical thesis, my next big goal.ย This will be a huge challenge for me and lots of work has to be done, but I am willing to go all the way even if I have lost some motivation to work on the topic in the past. But I also want to go on vacation for a few weeks. I think that I earned that now ๐Ÿ™‚ย  Also my last vacation was before the pandemic, more than 2 years ago. I also need to apply for my first job and therefore write some applications.

This weekend I will visit some friends, therefore I wont journal from Saturday on for a few days.

I hope, you are all doing fine and you can find some ways to adjust your lives in a way that benefits you and makes you feel good, even if its just tiny steps atm. ๐Ÿ™‚

__________

Today is day 69 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 75 days without gaming (five sixths of the full detox).

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Posted (edited)

1st of June:

Back from visiting some friends over the weekend. I am in a good mood these days because I finally have some free time again so I can spend time on my hobbies and meet friends that I havent seen in a while.

I will need to work on my medical thesis the next weeks and months, but this week I will finally take my well-earned vacation. I started doing more music again and spent some time on playing a new RPG which I have a non-addictive relationship towards. At this point, LoL has been banned from my life almost completely, the only struggle from time to time are these montages. Other than that I am still confident that I left this game for good. The detox is going pretty well. I have reached day 75. My longest run was 74 days so today is a new record. Only 2 weeks until I will finish the 90 days. I dont see anything that could stop me from reaching this goal now.

Regarding habits, I want to improve my posture again. I have kind of a forward head posture due to years of sitting in front of the computer. I focused a lot on posture exercises in the past but have lost my consistency. So I need to get that right again. The good thing is, I still do stretching exercises on a consistent basis and have improved a lot in this area.

My daily structure is a little mess atm. I make sure that I wont get into a rut. Going to bed early without using my phone in bed is a problem for me. Unfortunately, I gained some weight again, doing sports and eating healthy is on top of my to do list now.

I am not sure whether I will write on a daily basis because I travel a lot atm. But I will keep you updated from time to time.

Wish you all the best for your own journeys. You can make it!

__________

Today is day 75 of my gaming detox. No cravings for LoL. Riot account deleted. Next goal: 90 days without gaming (full detox).

Edited by nils
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