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Jason's self-acceptance journal


Jason70
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hey all its been a while! 
 

 

after my 90 days without gaming, i went a few weeks longer without games. all of a sudden the fear of covid and division of my country (usa) just shocked my senses. these thoughts and external factors caused me to relapse again, instead of putting what matters ahead of me. i need to start anew. so im going to be posting here instead of my old journal. also while this journal is focused on a detox, its also focused more on self-acceptance and love, forgiveness, and openess to myself and others. me for my past and for gaming and just mishaps. writing here helped me last time, so i have great confidence that it will help me again. 

anyway, today's day 1.

i didn't game today, but i slept in till like 11:00 am. the cause for that was i watched cruella late at night with my friends. i didnt get to my bed until like 1:45 in the morning. doing something like this every once in a while is fine, but i haven't had the best sleep schedule so its best to avoid it for now. not completely, just do it at an earlier time. im going to download a sleep app and set a time i want to go to bed and when i want to wake up each day. i have to remember too, just because my roommates or friends live one way doesn't mean i need to follow. im gonna move on to the positives now. i got a lot of work completed, and i went out to my towns local coffee shop. today i also noticed how bad venting is. i used to vent constantly when something pissed me off, i realized doing that, at least for me causes you to see the world in a negative paradigm. going to find alternative ways to remove anger, such as just letting it go. 
 

for the rest of my day i have a theater rehearsal at 6:30 and before that i'm going to continue to write my novel and finish up work. going to meditate tonight too, lost the habit of doing that

best 

jason

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hey again

 

id say in terms of accomplishment, day 2 was lackluster. i just couldn't force myself to do anything. no, that sentence is wrong. ive learned from past experience that "couldn't" and "force" are just bad words in my eyes. come with a negative connotation. i shouldnt force myself to do things. i should do things because i want to do them, i have a passion, or just eager to learn about them. as for "couldnt" fuck it. i can do anything i just want to pursue it and continue doing it. through this method i found my love for theater. originally i thought i wasnt cut out for it because i never did theater or acted before, but i found out im great at it. also helps with anxiety. i want to find more activities like that. i will brainstorm early tomorrow about hobbies that allow me to branch out, that are different, that let me be me, and be proud of that. referring to my first point though i can say i didnt game today, thats an accomplishment, another is i didnt judge anyone today. so yay. i know self love doesnt come from external factors but im saying if i loved myself i would do the things that i want to do and want to achieve. i think for now i just need to block out distractions, one of those being listening to music. 

anyway i have a question for y'all. would you consider kahoot a game if its being used for educational reasons, how does that impact me compared to other games. i know its advertised as a fun way to learn but should i avoid it?

 

may your spirit guide you

jason

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Only you can know how a particular use case for technology might affect you. I've never used the app in question, but do you feel that the material offered is comprehensive and valuable enough to be worth the risk? Are there perhaps other learning methods that you enjoy/tolerate enough to serve as a substitute for the time being?

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey zubb, thanks for your response. i thought about it a bit. and i feel like kahoot is too much like a game than an educational tool. it basically quizzes you on things you learned and makes me at least competitive, after it rewards you with points and a leaderboard spot if you get a question right. using this app is out of my control but next time it appears i won't participate, maybe use n alternative like writing down answers on paper. 
 

 

Anyway its been a while. Relapse. It was a game for one day but gaming content which im trying to avoid. As i was browsing the internet i scrambled again on one of cams videos, which reminded me about this place. I have a new plan to combat my addiction and this time kick it for good. 
 

I'm gonna try to write here every day but imma track my personal progress monthly, see my goals, if i achieved any of them, among other things. I will also give a star rating on how i personally felt about the month.

One thing I'm struggling with is hobbies. I can't find hobbies I want to try. It's more like I'm embarrassed about starting small. 
 

So my goals for September 29th - October 29th is find at most 3 hobbies (physically active, creative, and challenging) that I can immerse myself in. Other goals for this month include improving my time management, sleep schedule, drink more water and read more books!

I'd love some book recommendations. In terms of hobbies, I think I found three already 

Physically active: yoga/walks

creative: photography 

challenging: new language/coding

I think these hobbies can be the basis for finding what I actually want to do in life! 
By the way speaking of photography, I just randomly took a picture today and this was the result


 

I'd say not bad.

looking forward to beating gamings ass, loving myself, and appreciating my life!

best

jason

93166F28-07A2-424A-A9CC-DC586F890D96.jpeg

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Hi Jason.

That's a most important part( forgiveness). What you mentioned in a first post, got me thinking, that without there won't be any success. We must forgive ourselves and keep going forward.

That's all we have left, the future. Take care and remember, no matter what,  the fact that you had realised you weaknesses makes you a winner already.

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@Wojciech S.Thank you for your kind words.

Day 0 - relapsed again lol. I stayed off for most of the day but i snuck a game in for a few minutes so I'm counting that as a failure. it's fine, got strength for tomorrow.

also feel shitty cause i rushed a major project for a course, and i know i performed badly which in turn will receive a bad grade. 
 

sigh

well the only thing i can do is instead of being hard on myself, i can learn for next time. i just feel bad because it was a big project. 

pros though is i have one more phase to save it. 
 

lesson: procrastination is bad. 
 

hope your days were fruitful and rich with good things

best 

Jason

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Day 1-

a bit rocky. still tryna work on my time management, wont happen in one day though. i noticed that photography is peaceful and also kind of therapeutic for me. saw a glorious sunset peaking through the clouds as i was walking up a hill. today was mostly spent studying for a big exam i have tomorrow. procrastinated on the studying too. we'll have to see how well it goes. i know i am ready for the dictation part, spelling messes me up though. might have to spend extra time on that. 

pros of the day

managed to fit photography in

went walking, felt nice in the cool weather

wrote a prose today 

improved my social skills.

 

The lesson for the day would be that time waits for nobody. So don't waste it. Also use small moments of time I have to my advantage. Work on a hobby, go for a walk, complete work. Something.

looking forward to a beautiful day tomorrow

hope all is well with you 

best 

jason

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@Gundhamthank you! he didn't tell me my grade but he said i did well so we'll see. 
 

Day 2- 

better day. managed to get some work done and some photography in. still working on building habits.

im tired so there won't be pros of the day but a lesson for today is that i realized long days with lots of activities are a lot more fun than video games. 

hope you're doing well

best 

jason

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day 0-

relapsed again. also overall today was shit. Tomorrow's a new day though.

im gonna do some exploring on why i don't care about myself enough to do the things that i know are best for my mind spirit and body.

hope all is well

best

jason

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day 1- 

first half of day woke tired. i know that's because of inadequate sleep. the second half of the day was better though. i wrote down my goals like hand wrote them. i think they'll be easier to follow now. got urges to play but didn't. 
 

went on a nice walk today 

hope you are all doing well

best 

jason

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day 3-

said fuck it and wrote down a bunch of activities i would want to try no hesitance. I tried to write ones in accordance with my goals and dreams. Excited for tomorrow.

best

jason

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